InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Suppression ❯ Chapter 10 ( Chapter 10 )

WARNING: This chapter contains scenes of child sexual abuse which may be disturbing to some readers.

 

Chapter 10

 

“You seem very quiet today,” Miroku stated as he walked along beside his friend.

 

“I don't have anything to say. Have a problem with that?” Inuyasha returned grumpily. He could not get his sibling out of his mind. He had been so sure that going back to his group was the right thing to do for both him and his brother, but now doubts began to invade his mind.

 

“No, no problem,” Miroku replied, shrugging his shoulders. He wanted to ask about Sesshoumaru, who he figured his hanyou friend was still thinking and worrying about.

 

When Inuyasha had returned, he had told everyone that he and his brother had worked out their problems and that everything was now fine between them. The dreams, he told the girls, were just a misunderstanding on Rin's part. Miroku, of course, knew differently, but as of yet had not had a chance to get the half-demon aside to ask him what had happened and if everything really was alright.

 

“I sense a jewel shard,” Kagome told them all. “It's over that way.” The group headed in the direction that the miko girl had turned to, getting ready to do battle with what ever demon had a piece of the Shikon no Tama.

 

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Sesshoumaru stood looking into the room of his father. He had not crossed the threshold, rooted to the spot as memories took over his mind. He could see himself and his father on the large futon, his father making a tent of the blankets; he positioned between his father's legs under them. He remembered the feel of his father's large hands on his tiny thighs, slipping inside the fundoshi, stroking his flesh. How old was I then? Twelve? Thirteen?

 

“Sssh; isn't this nice?” his father asked the pubescent boy gently. He caressed his son's smaller organ softly, trying to get the boy to stop whimpering. The demon lord took his son's small hands and placed them on his own erection that was protruding from its nest of white, wiry brush, instructing the boy to do the same to him.

 

Shocked, Sesshoumaru realized he was sexually aroused by the memory. He felt his father's hands over and over again. He cursed, angry and ashamed at his body's reaction and the unwanted knowledge flooding the inner recesses of his protesting mind. There had been pleasure along with the pain.

 

The demon lord slammed the door of his father's room closed and returned to his own room. He closed the door behind him, his hand trembling.

 

I enjoyed it, Sesshoumaru thought in disgust. He hiccupped. He sat on his bed and held himself firmly with his one arm, his eyes squeezed shut trying to block out the memory. He hiccupped again. He couldn't stop trembling and he opened his eyes scanning the room. His sight stopped on his closet. Still hiccupping, he went over and opened the door to the small room. Once inside, he closed the door and sat on the floor in the dark, hugging his knees tightly to him.

 

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“So you're brother is alright?” Miroku asked as the two boys sat on the opposite side of the hotsprings that the girls and Shippou were bathing in, their view of each others group blocked by a line of tall rocks.

 

“I think so,” the hanyou answered. It did seem like his brother was starting to come around and control his reactions to the dreams and memories. “He always seemed better after we talked.”

 

“Humm,” Miroku drawled. Inuyasha had not told him any specific details of the dreams but the monk knew what they were about. He was of the opinion that one didn't get over something like that quite so quickly.

 

“What?” Inuyasha frowned at the look he was receiving from his friend.

 

“I know Sesshoumaru is a very powerful demon and maybe you're right, maybe he is alright with everything that happened to him, but I think you should go and find him just to make sure,” Miroku answered diplomatically.

 

“You think I abandoned him, don't you?” This is exactly what the hanyou had been thinking as well.

 

“Well I wouldn't say that,” Miroku appeased. “But I am curious as to why you came back so suddenly.”

 

Inuyasha dunked down into the water trying to delay answering his friend. He could lie, or just not answer him at all, but he knew his monk friend was only trying to help and he was feeling so guilty for leaving Sesshoumaru on his own. I told him I'd save him, that I'd be there to help. What a joke. When things started getting hairy I just bailed. The half-demon popped back up.

 

Miroku was leaning against the rocks quietly with his eyes closed. He understood that he couldn't push his friend too hard to talk. He just wanted the hanyou to know he was available to listen if he needed him.

 

“I did something,” Inuyasha said quietly.

 

Miroku kept his eyes closed and his aura relaxed. “Yes?” he prodded.

 

“I…I kissed him.” Inuyasha lowered his ears and his eyes in shame.

 

Miroku opened his eyes and took a quick look at his friend in surprise before closing them again, not allowing the hanyou to see his shock. “What did Sesshoumaru do about that?” he asked neutrally.

 

“Nothing. Look, don't get the wrong idea. I'm not into guys or anything but there was just so much weird shit going on and…and…argh! I don't even know what happened.” Inuyasha was getting upset and aggravated that he couldn't convey what he had been feeling. “That's why I left. It was wrong. I didn't want to hurt him,” Inuyasha finished sadly.

 

“I'm not here to pass judgement on you, although it probably wasn't the best of ideas, considering. I still think you should check on him,” Miroku told his friend. “I'm not under the opinion that he really has anyone to rely on in a matter such as this.”

 

“What if he hates me?” Inuyasha whispered miserably.

 

“That is a possibility,” Miroku agreed. “In that case apologize and know that you've done the best you could and don't feel guilty about it.”

 

Inuyasha felt a sense of relief that his friend was trying to give him good advice instead of running off in disgust. “Thanks, Miroku…for understanding.”

 

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Jaken knocked on his lord's door again and again he got no answer. He had been getting worried the last few days as his master had not come out of his room in three days, neither had he allowed anyone in.

 

Rin had been frantically bothering the toad to so something, as Sesshoumaru wouldn't even open the door for the food that had been brought up to him.

 

“Lord Sesshoumaru, please open the door.”

 

“Leave me,” Sesshoumaru answered. He was sitting on the floor of his room in a pool of blood, a small dagger in his hand.

 

Jaken fidgeted outside the door debating on just opening it and going in. He placed his small hand on the door.

 

“Open it to your own death,” Sesshoumaru threatened with a vicious growl. He had heard the toad touch the door with his sharp hearing.

 

The green imp pulled his hand back quickly. He stood outside the room for a few minutes more grinding his beak in his agitation before deciding that he needed help in dealing with this. As much as he hated to do it, he left the castle to find Inuyasha.

 

Sesshoumaru slashed the knife across his thigh again. The memory that had caused this form of self punishment was still strong in his mind.

 

The phantom scent of the damp, musty dungeon was still invading his nostrils. He could see in his minds eye the wall to his right and a door dead ahead. A tall figure was silhouetted before the door. In a deadly silence, his father's hands moved and took him around the waist. Long, delicate fingers worked at the kimono, separating fabric from flesh, from the space where thighbone met pelvis. He could feel himself riding his father forward and back, this time not as a child but as a teenager, the two of them entwined in some kind of crazy position. He had felt the undeniable sexual arousal.

 

A teenager, Sesshoumaru thought as he brought the knife against his flesh again. I let him do those awful things. He couldn't remember ever defending himself against his father. What does that make me? I was aroused like an animal.

 

A few more cuts later, and he began to feel better. The pain was soothing and helped block out the misery in his heart. He sat and waited for his wounds to heal, which didn't take long. Soon, one would never suspect that his legs had been slashed dozens of times in his attempt to carve away all of the sins from his body.