InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Suppression ❯ Chapter 11 ( Chapter 11 )

WARNING: This chapter contains scenes of child sexual abuse which may be disturbing for some readers.

 

Chapter 11

 

Inuyasha had ventured half way to the Western Lands when he noticed the small green toad that usually accompanied his brother. The hanyou hopped down from the tree in front of the imp, scaring him near to death.

 

“What do you think you're trying to do, stop my heart?” the toad complained, gripping his staff of two heads tightly to his chest.

 

“Where's Sesshoumaru?” Inuyasha asked, ignoring the irritated imp's anxiety.

 

“He's back at the castle.”

 

Jaken sighed. He hated to ask the hanyou for any help, but his lord was acting so strangely. He was even keeping away from Rin, which was something the taiyoukai never did. In fact, most of the time Jaken felt quite upset with the privileges his master indulged the child with. Even her tears had not moved his lord enough to come out of his room.

 

“Something is wrong with him and I know you know what it is.” This was another thing that was upsetting the toad. Why would my lord ever open up to this half-breed. I am his most loyal servant and he should tell me what's wrong, Jaken sulked to himself.

 

“Is he alright?” Inuyasha questioned.

 

“No.” The little imp stared down at his webbed toes, shifting them uncomfortably. “He won't come out of his room, he won't eat and I don't even think he's sleeping. I need…your help,” Jaken forced himself to say.

 

Inuyasha's eyes dulled with worry. “Take me to him,” he commanded and then followed the toad to his brother's home. Neither traveller said a word to the other; each was too busy agonizing over how to help the taiyoukai.

 

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“Sesshoumaru, will you let me in?” Inuyasha asked as he stood outside his brother's room.

 

Jaken had taken the half demon there right away and then gone to the kitchens to prepare a tray for his lord. He hoped that maybe the hanyou would be able to gain entrance and get him to eat something. Flicking his dog ears forward, Inuyasha could hear shuffling behind the door, but his brother did not respond to his inquiry. The hanyou pressed his forehead against the door.

 

“I'm sorry I left,” he whispered. He knew the demon would be able to hear him. “I was afraid,” he admitted. “I feel things when I'm with you. I don't want to be like father, I don't want to hurt you like he did. I want to help. Please…let me in.”

 

At first Inuyasha heard nothing but then the door was pushed open a crack from the other side, forcing Inuyasha to open it the rest of the way. The coppery scent of blood was strong in the air, its stench overwhelming his nostrils as he stepped into the room. Surveying his brother's room, the hanyou's eyes went large when he noticed the reddish-brown stain on the floor by the futon.

 

“Sesshoumaru, are you okay?” the teen asked feeling a surge of anguish. “What happened?”

 

“Nothing,” Sesshoumaru replied dully. “I am fine.”

 

“Let me see,” Inuyasha demanded as he went to his brother who had sat down on the futon.

 

Sitting listlessly on the edge of the bed, Sesshoumaru allowed his brother to look him over, not feeling at all the caring touch of the hanyou's fingers on his body. “I hated your mother,” he stated without emotion.

 

“What?” Inuyasha asked unbelievably. He couldn't find any wounds to account for the large stain of dried blood on the floor.

 

“She took him away from me.”

 

The dead tone in his brother's voice concerned Inuyasha. He sat on the futon beside his sibling and looked at him, now noticing how drawn and pale his face was, the dark circles under his eyes. He could see the strain this had been taking on Sesshoumaru by the slight trembling of his hand as he passed it nervously through his hair.

 

The demon lord snorted out a bitter laugh. “Can you believe that? All those years I wanted him to leave me alone and when he did I was jealous. How pathetic. Even worse, she conceived you, the one that was going to take my place.”

 

Sesshoumaru put his hand over his face and the softest of sobs escaped his lips. “I hated you not because you were hanyou, but because, when he died that day, you were free of him. You would never go through what I did. Why did you have to be so lucky? You had your mother to love you, to protect you. Even father protected you. Why didn't anyone protect me?”

 

Sesshoumaru said this so softly, so hopelessly, that Inuyasha couldn't help himself. He wrapped his arms around the taiyoukai letting his tears mix with his brother's.

 

The day that his father was killed was the day that Sesshoumaru suppressed all of the memories of his abuse, believing that he had betrayed his family's name and honour by thinking poorly of his great father. He felt such guilt over being relieved, even glad that his father had died, that he managed to only think of him as the legendary dog demon lord, one to be respected and honoured; a great man, not a monster. His hatred for Inuyasha and his mother had remained. He never understood until now the true but shadowed reason behind that animosity.

 

Inuyasha had just gotten his sibling to lay back on the futon when he heard a soft knock on the door. Jaken was there with food, all his lord's favourites. He passed the tray to the hanyou.

 

“He's resting, but I'll get him to eat,” Inuyasha informed the toad. “Bring me a bucket of hot water and a stiff brush too.”

 

“Why, what's wrong with Lord Sesshoumaru?” Jaken tried to poke his head through the half-open door but Inuyasha stood firmly in the way.

 

“He'll tell you if he wants to. Just get me something to clean up the floor with.”

 

Jaken gave the half-demon a confused look but did as he requested, not even complaining about being ordered around by a mere hanyou.

 

“Here, eat,” Inuyasha instructed firmly, placing the tray on the bed.

 

Sesshoumaru didn't argue; he just sat up and began to nibble at the various foods on the tray. Inuyasha sat and watched his overly placid brother, saying nothing until the taiyoukai finished his meal and pushed the tray away. The hanyou frowned; Sesshoumaru had still left half the food on it.

 

“You should eat more,” the hanyou admonished. “You're going to make yourself sick.”

 

Inuyasha went to the door again when he heard the toad knocking, accepting the bucket and brush. He closed the door and then kneeled on the floor, cleaning the stain. Sesshoumaru was laying on his side on the futon, his back to Inuyasha when the teen looked up from his work to check on the taiyoukai.

 

“Where did all this blood come from?” he questioned the back of his brother as he scrubbed. He could tell from the way the demon was breathing that he was awake.

 

“Nowhere,” Sesshoumaru answered softly.

 

“It's yours, I can smell your scent,” Inuyasha told him, trying to push the demon into telling him what he had done.

 

“I am tired, leave me,” Sesshoumaru answered, still speaking in that soft, far away tone.

 

“I'm not going anywhere,” Inuyasha informed him as he finally finished scrubbing. He threw the brush into the now dark red water inside the bucket.

 

“Leave me,” Sesshoumaru stated, this time with more force.

 

“No,” the hanyou returned stubbornly, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

 

Sesshoumaru sighed. “I just want to sleep. Go get yourself something to eat, you can come back later,” he said in a more normal tone of voice.

 

Inuyasha hesitated, he was pretty hungry and if his brother was just going to sleep anyways… “Alright, but I'll be back soon.”

 

“As you wish.” Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and listened as his brother picked up the tray and the bucket and left the room, closing the door softly behind him. As soon as he was gone, the demon rose, pulling out the dagger that had been hidden under the pillow. He left his room and headed for the bathroom.

 

He filled the large wooden tub with the hot water that was in a large cauldron over a fire and stripped. He sunk down into the tub, letting the hot water relax his stiff muscles. He was twirling the dagger around in his hand as depression settled over him. How could I wish such things on another? To hate my own brother just because he was spared the humiliation and degradation I endured. I am more a monster than father. A swirl of red flowed into the water.

 

It was my fault as well, I chased after him. I wanted the pleasure he could give me. The water darkened a little more.

 

Sesshoumaru's mind floated back to a time when he was probably about fifteen years old. He and his father were sitting at the table, eating the evening meal. His father caught his eye and gave the teen that certain look. Sesshoumaru knew; that was the signal. The boy would head to the room or whatever place his father's scent was strongest.

 

As he sat there in the tub, the taiyoukai could feel the warmth of his father's touch and knew, at that time, he had been a willing participant.

 

His father's face showed clearly in the flashback, suffused with pleasure as his manhood, exposed in the opening of the kimono, swelled and curved upward under the younger demons administrations. The demon's hands gripped the white thighs of his teen son, opening them. Sesshoumaru's own kimono was shoved up to his waist and steadily he could feel a pounding then a throbbing heat as his father's organ was squeezed between his bare cheeks. He could feel his father's body against his, smell the heavy odour of sweat and sex, and hear the moans of pleasure sighing from his younger self. He could feel his own arousal, hot and throbbing, as he cried out for his father to give him release.

 

I hate myself. That lone thought went through Sesshoumaru's mind as he cut himself again, disgusted by his past actions. I acted like a wanton whore. His abdomen and chest dripped a sickening burgundy from the many slashes in his flesh. The demon lord had just hit bottom. It would have been better if I had never been born. I have caused nothing but misery to others and to myself. Sesshoumaru brought the sharp edge of the blade to his larynx.

 

The door to the room smashed open and Inuyasha jumped into the tub with his brother, grabbing his wrist to stop him from slashing the dagger across his throat.

 

“Stop, Sesshoumaru,” the hanyou cried out. If I had been just a few seconds later… He held onto his sibling tightly, peeling the knife out of his fingers. His heart was pounding in his chest in anxiety and fear. He could taste his own terror on the back of his tongue, mixing with the metallic scent of Sesshoumaru's blood.

 

“Why did you stop me?” Sesshoumaru asked blandly, still encased in a shroud of self loathing.

 

“I don't want you to die. I couldn't stand it if you left me.” The hanyou hesitated for a moment before saying what he knew he had been feeling, but that he had been trying to deny. “I love you, Sesshoumaru,” Inuyasha told his sibling, hugging him tighter to his chest, not caring if the emotions he was feeling for his brother were wrong or not.

 

“I cannot fathom that emotion. I have always been emotionless, acting without regard for the feelings or desires of others. It eliminates the need for love.”

 

“Then I'll teach you what it means,” the hanyou intoned seriously as he gripped either side of his brother's face, forcing him to look at him. “Everybody needs love.”

 

“You may change your mind when you know of my debauchery,” the demon lord responded.

 

“Nothing will change my mind, now come on.” Inuyasha helped his brother out of the tub, washing the blood off his healing chest and stomach and then drying him off, wrapping the towel around him. Both of them went into the demon lord's room and Inuyasha turned his back to allow his brother privacy to get dressed, refusing to leave.

 

“I wish to leave here,” Sesshoumaru stated. “Tomorrow. I do not want to be in this castle any longer.”

 

“Okay, but you need to get some rest now.”

 

“Tell Jaken to get Rin ready to go first thing,” Sesshoumaru ordered.

 

“I will.” Inuyasha put the covers over his brother and was going to leave to remove his wet clothing when Sesshoumaru grabbed his arm.

 

“Stay with me, sleep with me.”

 

Inuyasha hesitated for only a moment before he stripped and changed into an extra set of his brother's night clothes. He then crawled in beside his broken sibling and held him in his arms.