InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Sword of Supreme Conquest ❯ Chapter 36 ( Chapter 36 )

When I was six my father died in a car accident. Despite her raw grief at losing her husband and best friend, my mother took the time to console me and dispel my confusion. I didn't understand what death was, I didn't know that when someone died it meant they were never coming home. I learned that day that death was permanent and no one ever comes back no matter how badly you want them to.

 

 

The only thing that eased the pain of losing my father and his bear hugs and shoulder rides was what my mother told me about the after life. She explained in that warm tender voice of hers, that even though my dad no longer existed in this world he was always watching me; waiting for the day when we would join him. At the time her words gave me great comfort. I believed them without doubt just as all children believe what their parents tell them. Convinced that he was literally watching me all the time, I would sit for hours on the bench beneath the Goshinboku and hold long conversations with him in my mind. We talked about everything and nothing. I told him about my day and my baby brother and he silently expressed his love for me.

 

 

I later realized that this relationship with my father was what made my love for Sesshomaru possible. I learned at a young age that not everyone is able to express what they want to say in words. It forced me to look deeper, to see the true emotions hidden within others' hearts. Because of my experience I was able to see past Inuyasha's hardened exterior and feel his pain and see his desire to be accepted. As tragic as it was, I realize now that without my father's death I never would've understood Sesshomaru's feelings for me.

 

 

It was never easy for him to express himself, even after we'd committed ourselves to one another. I think on some level it eased his mind and heart to know that even though he rarely expressed it aloud I understood that he loved me deeply. I always knew how much he loved me, I never doubted it even at the worst of times, and it pained me to watch him withdraw further into himself in the months following my death.

 

 

It's true what my mother told me, the dead do watch over their families. I spent many countless hours studying Sesshomaru. I watched him stare unseeingly for hours on end into the hearth fire. He was always beautiful; beautiful and ethereal, like a dark angel trapped on earth. The fire tried its damnedest, but the flames could never match the intense gold of his eyes. It pained me to see him withering away before my eyes. He was lost and hurt and there was no way for me to comfort him.

 

 

I worried that he would give up and admit defeat, but my Sesshomaru remained strong. He looked adversity in the eye and stared it down into submission. It touched my heart to see him slowly build up his relationship with Akira. At first I thought he might take out his emotions on the boy, but he surprised me. He took on the role of a father as if it were second nature to him. He began to treat Akira as his own and the day he publicly claimed him as his son I cried tears of joy. After my death he grew into the man I always knew he could become and I've never felt prouder.

 

 

Though I spent most of my time watching Sesshomaru, there were moments when I checked in on Rin and Inuyasha as well. Even I have to admit that seeing them together was strange at first, but then I noticed the happiness glowing in Rin's eyes and I couldn't deny that Inuyasha was good for her. Though an unlikely pair, they complimented one another. It was gratifying for me to see the girl I had come to think of as a daughter finally grow into a beautiful and mature young woman. But oh how I missed them. I longed to hold them all in my arms and plant kisses against their cheeks. An eternity is a very long time to go without the warmth of those you love.

 

 

My mother was right about many things, but she was as naïve about death as all living persons are. When I was young she'd described for me an afterlife where all the dead were reunited with their loved ones in a happy, peaceful existence. It has been many months since I've been on the other side and I have yet to meet my father. I was angry at first. I felt deceived and hurt that things weren't how I wanted them to be. Then I began to worry about what would happen when the time came for me to be reunited with my family. Would Sesshomaru search for me in vain as I was now searching for my father? The fear plagued me and the guilt consumed my heart. I had left him with only the faintest hope that we would be reunited again. How could I ever apologize to him for my ignorance? I had promised him something I knew nothing about. I prayed to the gods that someday he would forgive me.

 

 

As I said before, my mother made numerous mistakes when she told me about the afterlife and death. The most significant error, I think, was the concept that once a person is dead there is no reviving them. I lived my entire life believing in that philosophy. That was, until the moment I was resurrected by Sesshomaru's blade. He put life and my soul back into my body, something which I'd always been told was impossible. But it's not only swords that have the power to return us to our bodies. Apparently, so I have learned, love also possesses this ability.

 

 

Sesshomaru has brought me back to the world of the living both ways. I didn't think it was possible, but he was determined and found a way to change our futures. His love for me manifested itself in his affection for our sons, even the one that was not truly his. His love for Akira and gentle guidance over the years ensured that the hatred and anger which led to my death were never left to fester. Sesshomaru, Ronin and Akira became the family that he and Inuyasha longed for in their youth. I couldn't have wanted anything more for them and yet it was this love that brought about my current troubling predicament. Through their love I wasn't reborn, nor was I returned to the moment of my death, it was simpler than that. It was as if none of it had ever happened at all.

 

 

Oddly enough, rather than being elated that my soul was called back to earth and my death averted, I was disappointed and annoyed. This seems like a strange reaction, I know, but you must understand what Sesshomaru does not. A person's fate is constant and irreversible. Like the Ten Commandments set in stone it cannot be changed, not for love or hate or any other power greater than ourselves. When I died to save Sesshomaru's life I died with a purpose. In that field, at my son's hand, it was my time and place to go.

 

 

There was a reason why my death was necessary and why it happened when it did. The lessons my family learned, the pain they experienced...there was a reason and cause for all of it. Through my death they were taught lessons and given gifts far greater and more valuable than I ever could've given them in life. Thus, even though I longed to return to my mate's arms, I knew without a doubt that what was happening was wrong. It went against the natural order of the universe and whatever happiness we would find would never last.

 

 

For Sesshomaru to survive my life had to be forfeit and it pains me that he can't see the logic in that equation. His actions will have consequences far greater than he could ever have imagined and it brings tears to my eyes to know that despite his hard work and the losses he had suffered to get to his place, it will all be for nothing. Why? Because I will not let him die for me. Sesshomaru, my mate, my love, you stubborn demon…I love you, but you are a fool.

 

 

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Kagome awoke to the feeling of a rough thumb pad grazing across the petal soft skin of her cheek. She stirred and let out a tiny moan of irritation. Her body felt so heavy. It wanted to sink back into the darkness of sleep and never wake, but apparently her mate had other ideas in mind. He slipped his claws through her hair and tucked several unruly dark strands behind her ear. This time she couldn't help the smile that tugged at her lips.

 

 

She could already picture what her eyes would see when they opened - they would meet his golden gaze, staring intently at her from the pillow next to her. Despite having spent the night sleeping, his hair was always immaculate. At times it splayed across the pillow in a perfect fan of silver, while at others it hung loosely across his shoulders to tickle the skin of his naked chest.

 

 

Mornings were always the hardest for Kagome. She sometimes caught herself staring at him in awe, astounded that they had ever ended up together. Compared to his demonic beauty she always felt rather ordinary. This thought was only allowed a fleeting existence though, since the moment she was awake he tended to pounce on her like a starved man and pretty soon the only thing she was concentration on was her orgasm.

 

 

With a contended sigh Kagome opened her eyes and wasn't surprised in the least to find Sesshomaru's golden eyes watching her every move. Sometimes she wondered if he ever actually slept or if spent his nights lying awake just so he could have the pleasure of rousing her in the morning. He looked particularly enticing this morning. The sun glowed through the windows to bask his naked torso in its warm golden light, highlighting the smooth rounded muscles of his pecs and abs. Before her eyes had even fully adjusted to the daylight, Kagome's fingers already wanted to run over them.

 

 

With one final blink and a gentle rub her eyes were rid of their sleepy haze. The first thing they noticed was the rather unsightly frown that creased her mate's brow. Scrunching up her own in imitation she pushed her head up off the pillow and fixed him with a serious look. “What is it? What's wrong?” she asked, her voice hoarse and cracking from disuse.

 

 

He shook his head to dismiss her worries and pulled her down into him so that her head rested comfortable atop his shoulder. “Nothing is wrong. I was…concerned.”

 

 

“Concerned?”

 

 

“You were crying,” he answered seriously, though he didn't elaborate or pry with further questions. That was his way though. He left everything up to her. It wasn't that he didn't care about her or didn't want to know what caused her tears. He just wasn't accustomed to asking for information. It was a habit which was slowly starting to break but he still had a long way to go. Kagome knew this all to well and had never held it against him, something which he appreciated immensely but never said aloud.

 

 

“I was?” Kagome lifted her fingers to her cheeks and felt the lingering dampness from where her salty tears had left their mark. For the life of her she couldn't imagine why she would be crying. Concentrating hard she tried to remember what her last dream had been but the more she thought about it the further it slipped away, like grains of sand through her fingers.

 

 

“Hn,” was Sesshomaru's only response, but he tightened his arm around her shoulders nonetheless. Kagome snuggled further into his warmth and tried to drift back to sleep but she couldn't free herself from the nagging feeling of worry that lingered in the back of her mind. It was like she'd forgotten something she was supposed to remember, but she couldn't remember what that thing was.

 

 

“What troubles you?” The deep baritone of the demon's voice reverberated through his chest and against her cheek. Kagome shrugged and lifted her fingers to draw gentle circles around an unsuspecting nipple.

 

 

“I dunno. It might've been a dream or something…I can't really remember.”

 

 

Sesshomaru responded to this comment with another muted “Hn” and Kagome figured it was probably best to change the subject. When he got like this there was no helping it. His lack of social skills was utterly frustrating at times, especially when he knew he was wrong and refused to admit it, but at times like these it was endearing to know he did worry about her in his own unique way.

 

 

“So what's the plan for today?” she asked while stifling a yawn with the back of her hand. Turning her face up towards his she blinked her chocolate eyes expectantly.

 

 

Sesshomaru's mouth frowned as he thought over all the errands that needed to be taken care of. There were many and they were all time consuming which was particularly annoying on days like today when he would've liked nothing better than to lounge in bed with his mate and never step foot outside their room. Deciding that for the time being everything else could wait he turned to her and planted a smouldering kiss against her lips.

 

 

“I can think of a few things…” he muttered huskily as his lips brushed across her cheek towards her ear.

 

 

The sound of his voice and the feeling of his hot breath against her skin sent an involuntary shiver of pleasure racing down Kagome's back. She tilted her head away to give him open access to her neck and gasped softly when his lips pressed greedily against her sensitive skin. “I like how you think…” she whispered playfully as his powerful body shifted to lie overtop of hers.

 

 

As his lips and tongue paid homage to her breasts her fingernails found their way to his back and her hips lifted and ground against his in need. He chuckled against her skin before capturing her lips once more, pushing his tongue past her ruby lips to plunge it into the sweet recesses of her mouth. He realized very soon into their relationship that he could have her a hundred times a day and never be satisfied. Her body had the uncanny ability to always leave him wanting more. He'd never heard of anyone dying from sexual withdrawal, but he was fairly certain that if such a thing were possible he would most certainly succumb to it.

 

 

After teasing her nearly to the breaking point he poised himself hard and ready at her entrance and took a brief moment to let his eyes wander over her face. In rapture she was beautiful. Her eyes were bright and glistening with excitement, her cheeks flushed with arousal, her lips swollen and red from his kisses, and it was all for him. He'd never had a greater honour bestowed upon his person than to know that all the pleasure she felt was solely for him. With a lascivious smile he pushed himself into her and watched as her body arched in ecstasy. It wouldn't be long before she was withering and pulsing beneath him.

 

 

Just as Sesshomaru completed his first thrust an incredibly ill-timed knock came at the door. The Lord of the West snarled in frustration and barked angrily at whoever dared to disturb them. Kagome stifled a giggle behind her hand and playfully thrust her hips upwards. Sesshomaru fixed her wish a warning glare but within seconds his eyes closed as he succumbed to the feeling of her body around his.

 

“Sess-Sesshomaru-sama…it is Jaken…um…I know you said never to disturb you when…”

 

 

“Jaken! Leave us,” he snarled, his eyes starting to bleed red with frustration.

 

 

“But Sesshomaru-sama there is...!” Jaken's words were cut off by another angry snarl and the loud clang of candle holder being heaved at the door. Getting the message loud and clear, the green imp quickly scurried away in fear. Kagome giggled at the look of consternation on Sesshomaru's face.

 

 

“You know you really should be nicer to him,” she chided half-heartedly. The demon shrugged and turned his attention back to her, the smile once more returning to his lips.

 

 

“I believe we were in the middle of something?”

 

 

Moments later the pair's throws of passion and animalistic moans and grunts of pleasure were interrupted by yet another knock at the door. This one was more urgent though and this time they both paused and took notice. Before Sesshomaru could utter a word, a muffled voice rang out from the other side.

 

 

“General Toya Sir. Please forgive my intrusion but the castle is under attack. Your assistance is needed immediately.”

 

 

“Toya?” Kagome whispered in awe as she stared at the solid wood door. He was second in command in Sesshomaru's army. If he was informing the Lord of the West about their situation in person things were definitely serious. Fear filled chocolate orbs fixed on the features of Sesshomaru's face and took in the clenched look of his jaw and the hardness in his eyes. Apparently he understood the gravity of the situation as well.

 

 

“Understood. Dismissed.” Sesshomaru stared distractedly at the door until long after the sounds of the General's retreat had faded from his ears. Finally he brought his gaze back to meet Kagome's and he held it as his eyes searched hers. Lowering his head he placed a soft kiss against her lips before pulling away. “I must go,” he whispered reluctantly before pulling out of her.

 

 

Kagome nodded understandingly and watched him slowly make his way towards the other side of the room to collect his clothes and armour. She had a bad feeling about this, an uneasiness that churned her stomach and made her palms sweat. Throwing the sheets off her body she pushed herself out of the bed and stepped quietly towards her mate. The cool air chilled her naked skin sending a cascade of goosebumps across her arms and legs.

 

 

When she was close enough, she wrapped her arms around his body and pressed her cheek against the powerful muscles of his back. “I'm scared,” she whispered softly and felt his hand come up to rest overtop of hers.

 

 

“You're cold,” he observed as his fingers ran overtop the raised bumps covering the skin of her arm. She nodded silently and held back the tears that sprung to her eyes.

 

 

“So warm me.”

 

 

He should've said he couldn't, that there wasn't enough time, but he couldn't deny her anything. Turning in her embrace he brought his lips to hers and gently teased them with his own. They were still sweet and tantalizing, but this time they tasted like the salt of her tears. With his arm he lifted her easily to settle around his waist and steadily stepped forward until her back was pressed firmly against the cold stone wall. She gasped at the feeling of its icy touch against her heated skin and he took that moment to enter her again.

 

 

Pouring all of this anxiety and frustration about the upcoming battle into his love making he took her hard against the wall. He pounded into her unrelentingly, going faster or harder as she demanded, obeying only the moans and screams he wretched from her throat. He was confident in his abilities on the battlefield but there was no telling what this day would bring. If this was to be the last morning he would ever spend with his mate, or the last time they would ever make love, he wanted her to enjoy it.

 

 

When at last she screamed his name in ecstasy and shivered with the pleasure of her orgasm he released himself inside of her. As his seed pulsed out of his body to coat her womb he gave what was left of himself to her was well. There was no reason to hold back anymore, no reason to hide behind the facades and barriers he'd erected long ago to protect his heart. For a brief moment he let them all collapse around him and pulled her in close. With his breath still ragged from their love making he whispered into her ear before pressing a quick kiss against her temple.

 

 

Her body still wrapped around him, he walked back to the bed and laid her gently into its downy warmth. “Be careful,” she warned, giving him a warm smile as he pulled away from her. He nodded once before silently gathering together the rest of his armour and disappearing from the room.

 

 

Kagome took a minute to sprawl out languidly within the bed and enjoy the afterglow of their lovemaking. If those were to be the last words he ever spoke to her she didn't think she would ever feel disappointed. As she stood up to wash and dress they rang over and over again in her mind and brought a lingering smile to her lips. I love you.