InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Tale of the Twins ❯ Chapter Nine: Rin's Nonexistent Love Life ( Chapter 9 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Chapter Nine

Rin's NonexistentLove Life

Rin wandered back to bed. She had dealt with entirely too much stress wholly too early in the morning. She closed the door, leaning her back against the panel gently. She took a long, deep breath and let it out just as slowly as she inhaled.

Well, that had been horrifying. Hopefully, the same thing wouldn't happen with Kuraimaru. But he probably wouldn't have reacted like his sister either.

Don't think about that. If you do, it'll happen.

They could've locked the door though. Not that it would've done much good. All the same, if Shuarra had to break the door down, they'd know and maybe she would have been spared.

Rin would have been spared too. She felt sick.

She fought the images playing about in her head. She was sort of afraid to go back to bed, in the event of having nightmares about it. But she didn't really remember her dreams too often, so it was entirely possible that she wouldn't remember a thing, even if she did dream about—

Don't think about it.

She took another deep breath and crawled back into bed, pulling the sheets over her head, attempting to shut out the images that kept attacking her brain mercilessly. She had to think about something else.

Something Shuarra Meitsuki said came back to her. “Is it because you're not in love with anyone?”

She sighed. “Hai,” she whispered. “He's dead.”

A long time ago, back when things were more… normal in the world--when the world seemed larger, when there was more to it, back in the feudal era—there had been… someone.

A young samurai, who was hurt out in the woods and dying. She had not been too far from the castle, so she had torn her kimono and wrapped his wound, then ran back to the castle for Chiyuota. She had brought the healer back to him and they had managed to save him. However, he still needed rest. It would be best if he didn't know about the rest of her adopted family, and he had been unconscious while Chiyuota was around, so she said that she had cared for him. It wasn't too far from the truth anyway.

He had been so caked in blood and dirt that she didn't really get a good look at him until she went to clean off his face. They had to take off his armor and haori—which were both ruined, so he was half-naked except for the bandage. She wiped a cool, damp cloth across his forehead, grimacing at how much sweat, blood, and grime she had taken off. She folded the cloth and worked at cleaning his face again. She went to rinse it, then came back to finish the task. She wiped it gently across his closed eyes. The samurai stirred, then his eyes snapped open. He tried to sit up, automatically reaching for his hip for a sword that wasn't there. He flinched and fell back because of the wounds. Rin caught him before he hit his head. She gently eased his head down into her lap.

“Don't do that,” she said. She wiped his cheek. “You'll tear open the stitches.” He struggled to try to get up again. “Don't. You'll kill yourself.”

“You don't… understand,” he gasped. His voice was a light tenor. “I… have to…”

“Shh. Don't talk. You're hurt,” she admonished. Either he didn't realize the full extent of his wounds, or—more likely—didn't care.

“But I have to tell…” He struggled for breath. She set the filthy cloth down, but at least now she could see his face. He looked too young. He was obviously older than she appeared to be, but he looked several years younger, as if he hadn't quite caught up to his years yet. “They're all going to die if I don't…”

She looked at him sadly, now that she had an idea of what he meant. “It's too late,” she said quietly. “Your castle fell two days ago.” There was a neighboring human castle, and that was the one he had to be talking about. “The enemy army moved on… if you want me to help you get there.”

He looked away. “Nothing matters anymore…”

“You're still alive, though,” she said quietly.

“I'm nothing… My life is worthless without…”

Rin shook her head. “That's not true. Life is precious, no matter what you think right now.”

He looked up at her, a bit shocked.

She had fallen in love with him as if it were inevitable. As if there was absolutely no chance not to. She couldn't bring him home with her, so she stayed with him out here in the forest, caring for him. It really brought back memories of her childhood with Sesshoumaru—living out in the woods and surviving by herself. When he could walk again, they traveled to his ruined castle and picked through the ashes. She helped him bury whatever bodies could be found.

When they left the place, he confessed to her that he loved her, then he kissed her. She told him that she had to go home, but that he shouldn't come with her. He said that he would stay at the ruined castle, waiting for her to return. She gave him that promise and her heart, and returned home.

Chiyuota had not told anyone of the samurai in the forest, but it seemed like Sesshoumaru and Naraku had an idea anyway. Something she couldn't name hung around them. She couldn't figure out what, though.

She wanted to catch Sesshoumaru alone, but it didn't seem likely. Finally, she just requested to talk to him alone and drug him outside.

“Sesshoumaru-sama… There was a wounded samurai in the woods a while ago… All this time that I have been gone, I have been taking care of him,” she confessed. She looked up at him. “I think I'm in love with him.”

Sesshoumaru blinked slowly. She couldn't tell what emotions he was feeling, but he seemed troubled. Fear began to edge into her heart. “Rin…” he said quietly. He looked up at the sky. “You abandoned a human's life years ago.”

She blinked. “What do you mean?”

He looked at her. “Have you noticed that you have not aged in years?”

“What… do you mean?” she repeated.

He looked away. “It is the same reason that humans and youkai should not be together,” he said. “A human will grow old and die, and the youkai will not.” It was one of the main reasons, anyway. That being, perhaps not the most obvious, but the most painful.

Rin couldn't seem to make sense of what he had just said. “But… I'm human…”

“You're immortal too.”

“But…”

“This boy will grow old and die. You will remain 16 for all eternity. Will you stay beside him, when he is sick with old age and finally dies, knowing that you cannot die with him, nor can you age with him?”

Her lower lip trembled. “Sesshoumaru-sama… There must be…”

“What do you think he will do, when he learns that you live with youkai? That you are immortal yourself, and forsook the human world long ago?”

“He will…”

“He won't love you anymore, Rin. He'll think that you are bewitched. That you are an abomination.” He looked at her. “Humans that side with youkai are often viewed as being worse than a youkai.”

“You don't…”
Sesshoumaru didn't stop there either. “He is also a samurai, so he has, no doubt, killed youkai. He has probably seen comrades fall to us, and has been hurt by and because of us.”

“No! It won't be like that! He'll understand! I'll just explain that—“

“That I saved your life? That I sheltered a human child? Do you think he'll believe it?” Sesshoumaru demanded. Rin looked down, all of her hopes crushed. Her fingers curled into fists, trying to keep all of her hurt inside. “Do you think that he would accept that you live with youkai? That you prefer us as to humans? More than that, what will he do when you say that you gave up your mortality to be with us?”

Rin fought back the gathering tears in her eyes. “He won't… He… He will…”

“He will not want you, Rin.”

She glared at Sesshoumaru. She wanted to slap him. For the first time in her life, she wanted to slap him. “Then what do I do?” she demanded. “I don't want to be alone all of my life!” She turned and fled, choking back her tears. Not yet. She went straight to the castle, and reached it by nightfall. She just didn't believe that someone like that boy-like samurai would be so bias. He couldn't be… No, Sesshoumaru was wrong. He just had to be.

Besides, she had the Sarced Jewel. He could use it, couldn't he? He could stay with her, right?
She had came back to him, falling into his arms, exhausted mentally and physically. He took her to the castle. The castle itself was destroyed in places, but most of it was still in tact, if plundered thoroughly. He laid her down to rest. When she woke, he was watching over her, like she had watched over him. She took his hand desperately. “What do you think of youkai?” she asked quietly.

He assumed that she was still mostly asleep. He took her hand gently. “Are you having nightmares, Rin-chan? It's all right.”

She shook her head. “No. But, what do you think of them? Are they evil?”

He seemed puzzled by her question. “Of course.”

She pushed aside his answer. “But if there was a youkai that wasn't evil—that was my friend—would you hate them?”

He frowned. “Rin-chan… You mustn't befriend a youkai. No human is safe with a youkai. They're very dangerous.”

Rin sat up, shaking her head. “No. I'm always safe with…”

He dropped his hand around hers. Her eyes widened in fear. “Rin… You haven't… You can't be… in cahoots with youkai?”
“It's not like that. Sesshoumaru-sama is like a parent to me. He saved me… He…”

“You mustn't trust him, Rin! Don't ever trust a youkai, no matter how human they seem. They're evil.”

She shook her head. “Sesshoumaru-sama is sometimes cruel, and difficult to understand… But he's not evil.” No matter how she looked at it, she could never label Sesshoumaru, Kuraimaru, or especially Shuarra Meitsuki as being evil. Sometimes, she could think of Naraku as being evil, considering her childhood memories of being abducted by him. “Neither are his children. They're all very kind to me… You have to understand—“

“Rin, you've been bewitched by this youkai!” He gripped her shoulders. “You have to listen to me! You can't go back with them.”

It was true. Sesshoumaru had been right. Her eyes watered anew. “You… No…”

“Rin-chan! This youkai. Who is he? Where is he?”
She realized what he meant to do. “No! You mustn't!” Her lower lip trembled. She couldn't believe that this was really happening.

It ended up that she had confessed that she was immortal, that there was a way that he could join her. He had left her, then. She had promised to even abandon her family, if it meant that she could be with him. Even then, he had left her.

Immortality only seemed to bring misfortune. Rin sighed. Ever since then, she had avoided humans. She wanted nothing to do with them any longer. She just wanted to be with her somewhat psychotic family.

It was then, though, that she realized what she had lost to gain immortality, and to gain her family. She had lost any hope of leading a human life. She had lost any hope of being accepted and loved by others.

It hurt—more than it felt like it should. This had been what she wanted, had it not? Then why did it hurt so much? If she had not gained immortality, she never would have met the samurai in the woods. She dared not remember his name. His name, she had locked away in an effort to forget him altogether. She almost had, except for Shuarra Meitsuki's comment.

She closed her eyes. Ah, well. Life hurts a lot. Dying, compared to living, is relatively easy. So immortality should be extremely difficult. Youkai were cut out for immortality.

She realized that now. They had fewer emotions, fewer attachments. Humans were not meant to live forever because they did.

If she had realized all of this, would she have used the Jewel?

There as a gentle rap on the door. She pushed the sheet down. “Yes?”

The door opened. Kuraimaru was standing at the door. “Can I hide in here, onee-chan?”

He looked so tired. His sister must have woken him up. “Come here.” He shut the door, locked it, and half-fell onto the futon. He was asleep by the time he came to rest. Not a bad idea. Rin yawned, rolled over with her back toward him, and fell asleep herself.