InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Talking in His Sleep ❯ Apologies ( Chapter 9 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Author's Notes: Hey guys, sorry about the update mistake, you can thank Cait Briefs for reviewing and letting me know things were wrong! Thanks!


" " Speaking

[ ] Thoughts


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"Are you ok Kagome?"

Shippo shifted closer, snuggling into her warmth beneath the soft fur pelts. They'd been with Kouga and his tribe for a day and he had refused to leave her side, which was difficult because she'd slept most of the time. Her back was healing, slowly, the wounds deep and painful. It would take at least a week of bedrest, and another week of extreme caution before she was healed. Unfortunately, there would be a scar or two left.

She shook her head and feeling overly warm, tossed the fur off them. It was odd, because the night was cold and the rest of the women were covered completely. Looking into his mother's face, Shippo saw her flushed cheeks and gulped, raising a paw to touch one. It was just as he feared, something was wrong, she was too hot to the touch.

He'd thought she was overly warm earlier, but blamed it on the fur. How long she'd been feverish, he couldn't tell, but he glared at the women who were supposed to be tending to her. They'd been all smiles and kindness as long as Kouga was there, but they were jealous of the girl and left her be once the wolf prince was gone. Now he'd have to go get Kouga, there was no way he was asking one of these females to help Kagome.

Slipping out of her bedding and from the cave carefully, he sniffed around for Kouga's scent, found it easily enough, and followed it towards the main cave.

How long he followed it he couldn't be sure, but by the time he arrived at the wolf prince's side the kitsune was more than winded, he was exhausted and terrified with worry for his Kagome.

"What are you doing here?" Kouga asked, a frown marring his features at the sight of him.

"Kagome's... - pant - ... sick... - wheeze - ... fever..."

A squeek followed his short announcement as the wolf grabbed him by the tail and sped off to the cave where the women were resting. They arrived moments later, the kitsune cursing his abilities to run so fast under his breath.

Kouga skidded to a halt and dropped to his knees beside Kagome, dropping Shippo to touch the miko. It didn't take a genious to realize what had occured. Despite their care, one of her lashes, if not more, had become infected.

She had a very high fever, her skin burning Kouga's hand when he touched her. At the feel of his cold hand, she whimpered and flinched.

"How long has she been unattended?" Kouga growled, asking the kitsune, furious with the she-wolves behind him.

"All day since you left," Shippo gulped, "One of them gave her some meat but it wasn't cooked and she can't eat it raw, that was before nightfall so there were no fires built. I made a small fire and cooked it for her, but I don't know how long she's had the fever."

"Damnit!"

Lifting her carefully into his arms, Kouga stood and carried her our of the cave, growling angrily at any of the females that tried to come close. Turning at the door, he barked out a threat that had them quivering in their beds while he rushed off with the girl towards the main cave.

Reaching it quickly enough, Kouga set her down on his own bedding and called for Ginta. His friend was already coming over and seeing the flush on the girl's cheeks, quickly realized the problem and called for cold water.

"How long?"

"I don't know, she wasn't like this when I left," Kouga removed her clothes and the bandages, inspecting the lacerations across her back. Thankfully there was only one that seemed to be infected, unfortunately, it was amongst the largest and deepest.

"She'll be ok won't she?" Shippo asked, whimpering when she gave a soft mewl and her body began to curl up, only to cause her to cry out again from the pulling on her back. With a sob, she shook her head, seemingly caught in a nightmare.

Sending Ginta for the supplies he would need, Kouga tried to soothe her, sitting by her side and shushing her but she wouldn't stop. Then suddenly she was talking, non-sense to someone who wasn't there.

"How could you?"

He frowned but tried to calm her, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."

[What didn't who mean?] Kouga listened and watched while she shook her head and accused him again in that small, wounded voice.

"You did! You meant it!"

With a look at the equally confused kitsune, he lay beside her and touched her cheek, "I'm sure I didn't."

Kagome sobbed, tears slipping from her eyes, "Yes you did, you used me."

Shaking his head, Kouga saw Ginta coming along with Hakkaku and felt relief at the sight of them. Pushing her hair furthur from her back, he felt the heat from her body and shivered.

Looking lovingly down at the girl before him, he smoothed a hand down her side and froze at the next words that came from her lips, the barest hint of a whisper, hardly loud enough to be heard.

"You made me think you loved me," Kagome sobbed, "But you were making love to her using my body."

Certainly loud enough to cause a great deal of pain though.

"But I'm not Kikyo..."


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In a tree at the opposite end of the forest, Inuyasha racked his mind for details of the night he'd gotten drunk. Vaguely he started picking up on some flashes of memory. He remembered stumbling into the dark room and dropping down beside a woman. She was wearing some white material and calling his name.

Then he'd been over her, kissing, caressing, tasting. He remembered her crying his name, her hands on his body, and the words he'd said. Suddenly he remembered almost everything, including the fact that he'd thought he was dreaming, and in the dream he'd been with Kagome when Kikyo showed up. He'd confessed his love to Kagome but he hadn't called to her like he did to Kikyo, he'd never said her name.

"Kuso!"

Putting the pieces together, he ran a hand through his hair and sighed, wondering how the hell he was supposed to explain to Kagome.

She thought he'd used her, of course she did, it was the logical conclusion for her to jump to. But he hadn't even realized... hadn't known.

Hadn't she smelled the sake on his breath? Tasted it during their kisses?

Obviously not, but damn, how did one explain when the proof was so - well... obviously against him?

After all the times he'd left them to see Kikyo, could he blame her for not wanting to see him?

Hell, he'd left her just days after her ordeal with the hunters! After using her and hearing she'd been raped, he still left to see Kikyo. What kind of an idiot would do that?!

A frightened idiot.

One who'd been hurt so many times he didn't want to open himself up again. One who'd struggled against his feelings for the girl because he wasn't free to be with her. He didn't even deserve her. But damnit he'd said he loved her and he'd meant it, even if she didn't know that.

And now she was with Kouga, the whimpy wolf who'd never been anything but good and caring. Sango and Miroku had said so themselves, at least she knew he loved her.

[How in the world can I expect to win her back?]

Knowing she'd probably gone with Kouga to have some time to herself, he decided to take a few days to figure out what to do. After all they'd been through, there was no way he'd give her up now.


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"Drink this Kagome, you need to drink plenty of water," Kouga held the water to her lips.

It had been six days since her fever had set, after two hellish days of wiping her down, covering her up, wiping her down again, the fever finally broke. She was so weak though, it was difficult to believe the girl in front of him traveled for miles at a time all over Japan with her friends. Her lacerations had also suffered a setback during her fever, a couple re-opening while she tossed and turned. She'd been in and out of sleep for four days now, thankfully her sleep had been peaceful enough to allow them to heal. She would be able to move about soon.

Shippo came over then, having helped bring water and herbs quite a bit over the past days. Seeing the kit's loyalty to the girl, Kouga realized he'd have to accept the child if she became his mate. Of course he would take in the kitsune, but some of his wolves might have a problem with it. From the way they'd behaved, it was obvious none of the females would accept either the human or the kitsune any time soon.

[And what was all that she kept saying about not being Kikyo? About being used?]

He didn't like the sound of it - it was obviously something to do with Inuyasha.

Although he wanted to know what it meant, something told him the news would not be good. He loved Kagome, more than he'd thought he could, but during her travels with Inuyasha things could have happened between them. If she had slept with dog-turd, he wasn't sure he could accept it, and his men definitely wouldn't accept her. A human was bad enough, but a loose one would never be tolerated - he'd lose their respect and with that would go his leadership.

[She's MY woman! She knows that and she wouldn't betray me!]

But she had never spoken the words and accepted being his woman, she'd always allowed Inuyasha to argue and say it wasn't true. And there was the mutt's other woman to consider as well. Kagome looked so much like Kikyo, it wouldn't have taken much for the hanyou to confuse them. What if he HAD used her?

"Kouga!"

One of his wolfs came over, panting from exertion, "My lord they have attacked our other den, somehow they found the females and we must go to them now!"

"You hear that you mutts?! Get your asses back to the females and pups! The she-wolves can only protect them for so long!" Kouga rose to his feet and looking around, found Ginta coming over from another part of the cave. "Ginta you will stay here."

Ginta looked down at the sleeping girl, "You wish me to protect her?"

"Hai," Kouga stepped nearer the wolf, "I trust both you and Hakkaku with my own life, no one else is as loyal to myself and my mate. She trusts you as well."

Ginta nodded, realizing he spoke the truth, his woman was afraid of the other wolves and would not be at ease with anyone other than one of them. Hakkaku had had been restless these past days, he'd be better off fighting. "I'll take good care of her."

Kouga nodded, and with one last glance was gone, easily catching up to and surpassing his pack.

With a sigh, Ginta sat beside the girl and watched her sleep, keeping his senses on alert for any sign of attack. Not ten minutes had passed before she woke, stirring a little on the bedding. The kitsune lay asleep beside her and she gave him a smile, kissing him on the forehead. Glancing around at the empty cave, she spotted Ginta and smiled at him, "Hey, where are Kouga and the others?"

"There was an attack on the other cave," Ginta noticed her swallow thickly and handed her a cup of cool water.

"Thank you," drinking it slowly, she saw his questioning gaze and frowned a little, "How long have I been sleeping Ginta?"

"Days," he admitted, "You were burning with fever, Kouga had to be careful of your wounds while wiping you down."

Realizing suddenly that she was naked beneath the furs, Kagome blushed and pulled them closer, wincing when it made them touch her back.

"You were speaking in your fever," Ginta hesitated, knowing he shouldn't interfere in Kouga's private affairs, but needing to know. "You accused him of using you, and spoke of not being the dead miko Kikyo."

"Oh kami," Kagome moaned, burying her head in the pelts, "Did I say any other names?"

"No, but you spoke enough to give away the meaning behind the words," Ginta saw her wince and waited for an explanation.

"I don't want to talk about it," Kagome finally spoke, much to his annoyance. "How much did Kouga hear?"

"He heard it all, more so than I since he never left your side," the wolf stood then, shaking his head at the woman. "It has been difficult for the others in the pack to accept his choice to take you as his mate. They do not like the idea of a weak human joining our tribe, but he swayed them, claiming you are strong and loyal as any she-wolf. If they found out this was untrue, it could easily be his downfall as the pack's leader."

"What do you want me to do?" Kagome asked

"Speak the truth to him, even if he gets hurt, it will be better if he gets over you soon and finds a suitable female." Ginta smelled her tears and sighed, "I am sorry to be so cold sister, truly, Hakkaku and I wished for you to be with our prince, but if your heart has been claimed by another, it would be unkind to keep him hoping for more. We would not hate you if you were honest, nor would Kouga I know, he would forgive you most likely, and leave you be."

"I never wanted to hurt him," Kagome sniffled, "I do care deeply for Kouga, but not in the way a mate should. I don't love him romantically and I can't imagine joining the wolf tribe. Most of them scare me to be honest, they can be so rough, and the women hate me."

"You have to let him know all this," Ginta moved away, smelling a familiar scent in the air. "The hanyou is nearby."

"I have to face him too," Kagome wiped her eyes, "But he doesn't even know."

"Should I allow him to come? Kouga will recognize his scent when he returns," Ginta warned her.

Biting her lip, Kagome was mulling it over when the decision was made for her, Shippo's voice speaking in her place. "Let him in, its about time they settled things."

Getting up from his place next to her, he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before joining Ginta on his way out. When Inuyasha appeared at the cave's entryway, they walked past him and explained they'd be nearby in case of trouble.

"Inuyasha?"

Shippo stopped before him, "I just remembered her bandages need changing."

"Bandages?" Inuyasha sniffed, picking up the scent of Kagome's blood, sweat, and tears, mixed with the scent of wolf. "What the fuck happened to her?"

"You'll see," Shippo answered, "Be careful Inuyasha, have you figured out what you did?"

"Hai, I know," Inuyasha nodded, "Do you?"

"We have an idea," Shippo sighed, "So does Kouga."

"Forget about him, I'm here to see Kagome," Inuyasha turned away then, heading inside and to the place where he could hear her light sniffling. When he reached her bed, he stopped and stared down at her, shocked to see she lay naked beneath the wolf's furs.

"Kagome?"

She raised her head, glancing over her bare shoulder at the stunned hanyou, "Inuyasha."

Unsure of what to say, he slowly moved closer and knelt beside her, noticing the white peeking out from beneath the furs. "You're injured?"

Kagome nodded, "I was whipped."

"Whipped?" Inuyasha gawked, removing the pelt over her back and carefully cutting off the bandages wrapped around her. Looking down at the marks on her back, he saw most were healing already and closing up, only two looking deep enough to leave a scar. Hesitantly reaching out, he touched one of the nearly healed ones with a clawed nail and frowned.

"How did this happen?"

"There was a boy in Edo, he was thrown out of a tavern in front of us and a samurai was going to whip him." Kagome looked down at her hands, "He was no older than Souta and I just jumped over him without thinking."

Inuyasha sighed, knowing how likely it was that she would do that, "You took a whipping for a complete stranger?"

"He was so little!" Kagome looked up while she defended herself, "Would you take a whipping if Shippo were involved?"

Speaking with his usual bluntness, he shook his head, "No."

Kagome gasped, "But he's just a baby!"

"A baby who could learn from a good beating," Inuyasha snapped. "No one took the blows in my stead, why should I do it for anyone else? If the runt did something that merited a whipping, then he should get it so he'll learn his lesson. This time isn't safe and comfortable like yours Kagome, the kid has to toughen up if he's going to make it. Coddling him will only do more harm in the long run."

After a moment's tense silence, Kagome lay her head down on her crossed arms, "That explains a lot you know, about why you're so gruff with people. Its all you've ever known since your mother's death when you were little."

"Yeah, poor me," Inuyasha chuckled darkly, "We're not here to talk about my past or the merits of whipping Shippo."

"What are you here to talk about?" Kagome asked quietly, relieved when he began re-bandaging her back. As his silence went on, she knew he'd come to talk about that night. "You remember don't you?"

"Hai"

Waiting a few moments in silence, she felt him finishing on her back and sighed, "Inuyasha, as much as I'd love to say its fine, I can't this time, you have no idea..."

"I didn't use you"

Kagome blinked, "What?"

"I didn't use you."

Inuyasha watched her frown and shake her head, her voice a bit shaky as she spoke.

"Kikyo's dead Inuyasha, you made love to ME and called for HER..."

"No, you don't understand." Dropping down onto his stomach in front of her, Inuyasha watched her rest her chin on her arms and blink away tears. "I though it was a dream Kagome."

"A dream?" Kagome gaped, speaking after a moment, "How could that be a dream?"

"Easily enough!" Inuyasha ran a hand through his hair and sighed, "I've been dreaming of you for months Kagome, I even thought you'd caught me a few times."

Shaking her head, Kagome glared, "You keep calling for Kikyo in your dreams, I've heard you! You apologize for what happened and beg her to take you back!"

"That's how they start," He admitted, "That's how the dreams usually start at least, I'm with Kikyo and she's alive again and we're getting over our past."

Seeing her flinch and turn away, he grabbed her chin and turned her head towards him, "But then we're getting married and she's standing with her back to me, dressed in a beautiful red kimono with her hair piled high atop her head. All of a sudden she'll turn and the woman in the kimono isn't Kikyo after all, but a girl with soft wavy hair flowing down her back, and bright brown eyes sparkling happily in a way hers never did."

"But..."

"I can't call your name, in the dream, because when I'm about to you're gone and I'm left alone, standing between the well and the goshinboku." Inuyasha released her chin, "I can't move in either direction and I usually wake up then."

"Even in your dreams she haunts you," Kagome mumbled.

"So do YOU!"

Inuyasha insisted, "Only with you its worse because I have to wake up and keep a safe distance from you."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to hurt you," he admitted, "I know it doesn't seem that way, that all I wind up doing is exactly that, but I've never wanted to. All I've ever wanted is to keep you safe, both from myself and my enemies. I've sworn to go to hell with Kikyo, so I push you away to hopefully keep you from getting hurt when I go. But you've haunted my dreams more and more often as this quest has continued."

"When you want to go back to your time, I don't get mad because you need to re-stock, or go to that school, or see your family. I get nervous and scared that you won't be able to come back, and I vent that anxiety in the only way I know how." Inuyasha looked down at the floor between them.

"By getting angry," Kagome said, shocked by this turn of events. Inuyasha never opened up to her. Why was he saying all this?

"That night..."

"It couldn't have been a dream," Kagome insisted.

Inuyasha nodded, "Yes it could have, in my drunken mind it could have. I'd seen Kikyo earlier, we didn't say much actually, didn't even speak. She just turned and left, and I was confused and annoyed so I went back to the village and got drunk."

"I didn't realize it," Kagome whispered, "You didn't smell of sake."

"I was a wreck," Inuyasha blushed, "I've never drunk much, so I can't hold my liquor very well."

"I was in the tavern and there was a girl there, with long black hair like yours, and she was all over this one guy." Inuyasha frowned a bit, having just remembered that, "I changed things up in my mind, and suddenly I was watching you and me instead of the couple."

Kagome blushed, waiting for him to continue with his explanation.

"When I blinked, they were themselves again and I knew I'd had too much to drink. So I made my way back to our rooms. I accidentally went into the house from another direction and took a wrong turn." Inuyasha took a moment, getting to the difficult part to explain.

"When I stumbled over to the futon and looked down, there you were, all soft and warm, looking extremely enticing with the small yukata on." Hearing her gulp, he looked up into her eyes and looked away from her nearly naked form again quickly, focusing on the wall behind her.

"I remember thinking it must be a dream, because there she was, the girl who'd been tormenting me for countless days and nights. I'd dreamed of us being together, I'll admit it, and suddenly there you were again - it just made sense that this was another dream."

"You've had those kinds of dreams about me?" Kagome asked with a blush.

Nodding, he kept his gaze averted from her, "They become especially difficult to ignore when your body goes into heat each month."

"Oh my," Kagome wondered how to deal with that.

"And your scent, not just the scent of your jasmine soap and strawberry shampoo, but your natural scent, that tangy fragrance that's yours alone. It was enhanced somehow, or maybe I just felt that way, but I remember dropping down and shushing your protests with a kiss. I didn't want anything to wake me, so I tried to keep you quiet for as long as I could."

Kagome nodded, remembering him cutting her off that way, her body warming at the memory of his lips on hers. Seeing his eyes glance at her in surprise, she realized he could smell the change in her and looked away, fighting down her blush.

Taking her right hand, Inuyasha raised it between them and brought it up to his lips, kissing each finger tip gently. When she turned to see what he was doing, he caught her gaze with his and silently bade her not to look away.

His voice was gruff but sincere when he spoke, "I meant what I said and did Kagome, every last word, you have to believe me about that. I've been hurt so many times, I've been afraid to open up and let anyone in, but you made me do it, even without my knowing... and I fell in love with you long ago."

"But then why...?" Kagome's throat tightened as her eyes shimmered with tears.

"Why call out her name and not mine?"

Squeezing her hand, Inuyasha hesitated to answer, "Because I did fall asleep afterwords and she showed up just then, after you and I lay curled together out beneath the goshinboku in my dream. It was like the time she kissed me with you watching, only this time she was held in place and you were with me. Her eyes weren't cold like they normally are, they were burning with rage and hurt. When I saw her I froze like I normally do with you, and did the only thing that ever comes to mind when I'm in those situations. I spoke her name."

Mulling things over for a few minutes, Kagome could think of nothing to answer. After all, how could she know it was true after all the times he'd acted so harshly against her?

Looking into his troubled eyes, she saw the truth there, the insecurity in those golden orbs was so blatant she knew it had to be true. Inuyasha couldn't fake that, he wasn't built that way, and he was looking at her with the terrified look one would give the hangman holding onto the noose.

He really did think it was a dream that night.

"You love me?"

"I know I shouldn't," Inuyasha looked down shamefully, "It just snuck up on me little by little, no matter how hard I tried to push you away, you kept coming back. Finally I realized, I was terrified of pushing you away anymore, because what if this time you didn't?"

"But then again, if I let you come close you'd be hurt, by me and my enemies, and worse," Inuyasha took a huge breath of air before admitting. "I was afraid of the power you have over me Kagome. Afraid you'd be like the few others I had let myself love... and leave me like they did."

Feeling her tears slip from her eyes, Kagome saw the anguish in his orbs and struggled with how to react. She loved him, of course she did, even after the heartbreak he'd put her through. She'd promised to stay beside him despite of his oath to Kikyo because of that love. His harshness had hurt her so many times, but she understood that deep down he cared, even if just a little.

She'd figured he was insecure about his feelings for her when he'd look at her warmly one minute, only to push her away the next. Hearing him admit all of this was such a milestone though. What was she to do?

She should be ecstatic, he'd confessed he loved her. He loved her!

So why did she still hurt so badly?

Because now she was the one who was scared.

"Kagome?"

Lowering her head onto her hands for a moment, she fought back sobs and finally got herself together enough to look at him again.

"Its too much Inuyasha, you went from leaving me for Kikyo one day, to showing up and professing your love for me the next. I need some time to sort things out, get myself together again."

"You're saying you want me to leave?" Inuyasha sat up, not surprised by her answer, "I came too late didn't I? Are you in love with the wolf?"

"I'm... confused," Kagome looked up at him, "I don't know what to think Inuyasha, I believe you and I want to give you an answer, but there's Kouga to consider too. I'll admit that I'm fond of him, very much so, but I'm not certain about anything right now."

"Kagome..."

"What are you doing here mutt?!"

Kouga's booming voice echoed in the cave, startling the two who'd been so absorbed in their conversation, that not even Inuyasha's enhanced senses warned him of his arrival.

Pulling the largest fur around herself, Kagome heistantly sat up, wincing at the pull in her cuts but managing to get herself upright for the first time in days. "Inuyasha came to see how I was doing Kouga, we were just having a conversation that was long overdue."

"I'm leaving wolf," Inuyasha stood, eyes locked on Kagome as he rose to his feet. "I'll pick up Sango and Miroku from the city and we'll be at Kaede's until you're feeling better and decide... you know."

"Sounds fine," Kagome nodded, eyes focused on the floor while he left.

Kouga growled as the hanyou walked by, but for once Inuyasha didn't growl in return. Rather he was focused on the girl sitting quietly on the furs and avoiding his gaze.

[Kami don't let it be too late... I can't lose Kagome too...]


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Dun, dun, dun!

Yes, he's come out into the open, but now she's the one who's scared of getting hurt again.

Thanks a bunch you guys for all the reviews! Just a warning, I know this might seem sudden, but there is only one chapter left in this story. Yes, you read correctly, the next chapter will be THE END!

I'll explain next time, I'm already editing it, but I promise it's long.

Until next time!