InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Taming the unruly ❯ Chapter 11 ( Chapter 12 )

The air was chilly, something that was expected in this autumn weather. She didn’t mind, enjoyed it even. Mayumi, on the other hand didn’t. Lately it appeared that her handmaid wished to suffocate her with kimono layers, as if she wasn’t wearing enough already, enough to survive arctic winters to be precise. Not to be defiant, but she wasn’t frail, she could handle a little cold, even if she was just a human.

Breathing in the cool fresh air was the best thing she had done all day. The sun, obscured by the clouds, gave the garden a soft mystical look like a carefully crafted painting. The burnt orange and yellow leaves of the sakura trees made her wonder for just a second if she was in a wonderland. She wasn’t, of course, and her reason for being here was everything but wonderful. Did she really want to hear the end of Shizuka’s story? Was she ready for it? Hearing the gruesome part had been hard on her, but now at least she knew she was not alone, but the story of Shizukas healing? What if it was the same as hers as well but she couldn’t pull through like the demon had? A soft squeeze of her shoulder brought her back. Mayumi was there, silently telling her to move on, not just with her feet but with her mind as well. The touch itself was reassuring, knowing that a touch like that was against the strict protocol of the palace, and yet Mayumi chose to put her hand on the line. Shaking her head, and with it hopefully her worries, she took a hesitant step forward, a soft smile adorning her handmaid’s face as she gave a nod of approval.

As she sat down next to the quiet demon, she wondered yet again, if she was truly prepared for this. Would this even help her? Or would it make things worse? Nervousness intermingled with excitement, two emotions that did not go together in this moment of uncertainty. She looked at the woman sitting in front of her, her hand outstretched towards her so she could take it. Taking a deep breath she took a hold of her hand, prepared for the warm light to engulf her but nothing happened. Confused, she opened her eyes only to see blossoming cherry trees surrounded by a field of flowers and a bright blue sky. What? How? “I’m happy you decided to come again Ojô-sama,” Shizuka said, bowing slightly towards her. The confusion on her face was evident. “I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable before Ojô-sama, I didn’t want to scare you so I created a scene that was familiar to you. I hope you do not mind Ojô-sama.” she quickly interjected answering the unasked questions. “Oh, no, no, that was very thoughtful of you, thanks,” she replied, both dumbfounded and awestruck. This was not something she thought Shizuka could do. “Shall we get started?”

“Well, yes, if you are willing to share,” she chuckled nervously, still amazed at the scenery around her. The air suddenly turned grim the seriousness of the situation settling heavily around them. Silence seemed to drag on for a while, the sound of the breeze and the shaking of the cherry leaves the only sounds around them until Shizuka sighed. It was something Ana never expected to hear because she seemed calm all the time. “I have never told anyone about this, mostly because it is something personal, but knowing that you are dealing with something similar to what I went through, I want to help.” Ana nodded, understanding what she was saying. She herself hadn’t and still didn’t want to talk about what had happened to her when Naraku had kidnapped her. It was just too painful to remember. The feeling of dread engulfed her, the sound of her heart thundering in her ears as past fear creeped up on her.

“I won’t force you into telling me what happened,” Shizuka’s voice pulled her out of her panicked state. Ana frowned, with them not holding hands in this world, she had forgotten that she was linked to the woman’s mind. “Forgive me, I wasn’t trying to pry.”

“That’s  fine, I just  forgot that we were connected.” She took a deep breath, exhaling it slowly, “You can begin when you’re ready,” Ana said, trying to push the topic forward. Shizuka gave her a soft smile. “I was not mistreated here.” The serious air returned, making her want to shy away from it but there was no turning back when she had already come this far. “No one dared to mistreat me because I was personally brought in by Sesshômaru-sama, just like you. The reason why it was hard was because of the pity. You see, for a demon pity is…”, she stopped, mouth slightly open, trying to find the right words. “Like a brutal beating?” Ana offered, but was hushed with a chuckle. “Oh no, nothing like that, if I beat you up you’re still human, aren’t you? But how did you feel, when your legs were not working? When Mayumi had to carry you around like an infant? When you couldn’t just go to relief yourself, but had to wait for someone to take you?” Ana shuddered, remembering all too well how that had been for her. “Not human,” she answered, bowing her head, ashamed of what she had to live through. “Like my life wasn’t worth living anymore. I wasn’t my own person.” The sad twinkle in Shizuka’s bright eyes was proof enough that she knew exactly what Ana had been talking about and for a moment she wondered if the pale blue had been the woman’s original eye-colour before they had been gruesomely removed. “Now that is exactly what you do to a demon, if you pity them, you take away their worth, in your eyes and their own. It w-”

“It’s the same for humans, you know,” Ana interrupted, her voice higher than it should be. “The whole castle pitis me, if it’s so terrible for demons, why would you do it to me?” She felt her ire rise. The nerve of that woman! “I apologize for their behaviour.” Shizuka quickly sputtered. She paused, gathering her words before speaking once more. “Humans and demons are quite alike, and even though with Rin’s presence here, all of us at least started to accept the human race, but… To many, humans are pitiful to begin with and … there is really no nice way of putting this, I am sorry.” It was obvious, that Shizuka was ashamed of this aspect, so much so, that Ana got the feeling that she herself was no different than those demons she had described, for some time at least. “It’s okay,” she tried to reassure her. “I guess I am pretty weak compared to you guys, it means a lot that you have changed your stance on the subject.”

“Thank you Ojô-sama, however, I was always sad for what had happened to you but have never pitied you”, Shizuka said, bowing before her as if asking for forgiveness, when there was nothing to forgive. Of all whom she had encountered during her stay, Shizuka was the last one that should feel guilty in any way. “Please continue, Shizuka-san, I think I might be  able to relate to your story rather well,” Ana joked, trying to lighten the mood with a hint of sarcasm. “You probably can,” she smiled as she continued, “Although I could not see, I could feel the pity that everyone had for me and it made me sick. I wanted to get away from it, the eyes that I could feel on my back, the whispers and the pity in their voices. They knew that a light demon was worthless without their sight, they knew, so the only thing they could do was pity me.”

Shizuka’s past hurt washed over her like the cool autumn breeze, wrapped beneath a layer of comfort and reassurance, but it still felt way too real, and way too fresh. She wanted to reach out and touch it, but then she spoke again. “After some time I became weary of it all and decided to just wither away, just like you. I stopped eating and I embraced the pity. When the head maid realized what I was doing she immediately sent me to Sesshômaru. I remember his overwhelming presence. It was like a weight on my chest.” Shizuka shuddered as she remembered the feeling, a shiver running down Ana’s spine as the phantom power washed over her. “He told me that he had not brought me here to wither away and die under his care and that I was expected to have a full recovery.” She smiled softly, causing Ana to shift uncomfortably. “I’m grateful he was stern with me,” she laughed, unaware of the slight change in Ana’s emotions. Her laughter, light and airy like a birds morning song turned into a chuckle. “He wasn’t lying when he had said that I would be making a full recovery. Everyday I was sent to his study where I had to eat everything that was given to me and he would talk to me about any- and everything. Sometimes he would forget I was there and his usual stoic demeanor would drop and I would even hear him chuckle at something he found amusing.”  A small smile crossed her face as she remembered the moment and for a second jealousy tried to force its way to the front of Ana’s emotions. She didn’t want to imagine Sesshômaru being casual and relaxed around anyone but herself and of course Rin. The realization startled her. He didn't  belong to her, so why was she so upset?  Shizuka’s voice interrupted her inner argument, pulling her back into the story.  “Then one day he told me that he wanted me to be his handmaid. He said he found me trustworthy and since I was getting better it would be best for me to get some routine back in my life. I knew it was mostly because I couldn’t speak but I was honoured. I worked hard to please him and he would sometimes buy me little gifts and praised me for working hard.” Ana squirmed uncomfortably with the new information she was given. Hearing about Shizuka’s past interactions with Sesshômaru bugged her more than she would have thought. “I cannot say that my recovery story was the best in the world but I can tell you that Sesshômaru-sama is a lot more considerate and caring than he shows himself to be.” Ana frowned at her statement, if that was the case he would be trying to help her. “Can I be frank,  Ojô-sama?”

“Sure,” she stuttered nervously, remembering  that she was linked to the woman. Damn it! And just moments before she was wallowing in jealousy. She could slap herself.

“I know you think that Sesshômaru-sama hasn’t been doing anything to help you, but you are wrong. When you were brought here he was frantic. I could feel that his energy was bothered.” Ana shuddered as the remnants of the memory engulfed her. So much power, frantic was putting it mildly, furious more likely. To release so much power when he was normally in control. “Mayumi told me that he didn’t want to leave your side. After you woke he calmed a bit but then you were getting worse again and just like before he became frantic. Why do you think he sent you to me? If he did not care I do believe he would have left you there to die.”

Shizuka’s words stunned her. She hadn’t realized that he was truly trying. Was she just being stubborn towards the fact? “I must tell you something Ojô-sama.” She took a breath then continued. “A few months after I became his handmaid I unconsciously awakened my abilities. We found out that I could speak telepathically. When the castle doctor heard of this he urged Sesshômaru-sama to find a way to get me me to retell everything that happened to me before I was taken in. I was hesitant but Sesshômaru-sama was determined and I eventually told him. He comforted me as I told my story, and in the end I felt as if a massive weight was lifted off my heart. As I said before I cannot force you to tell me what happened, but I know that it will be better than bottling it up.”

Ana released Shizuka’s hands, destroying the world she had just been in. She looked at the woman. She wasn't lying, not that she would. Why would she go through the trouble to? Her chest constricted, her eyes squeezing tight as the flood of memories overwhelmed her. She shook her head, she was not ready to let it go. Not now. “Ojô-sama, it is time for dinner.” Mayumi’s voice caused her to jump. It took a while for her eyes to adjust to the dimly lit gardens. When had the sun set? Mayumi’s face contorted to concern. “Ojô-sama?” Ana flinched, the drumming of her heart too loud in her ear, Shizuka’s touch feeling too cold against her skin. The voice echoing through her head was too loud, a shiver running down her spine as memories started to resurface. It all needed to stop. Clenching her eyes, she dragged a shaky hand across her forehead, feeling the sweat that had begun to form there. “Ojô-sama?” That was Mayumi. It’s okay, you’re safe.” She reluctantly opened her eyes and looked at the extended arm, then towards Shizuka. This was not the way she expected the day to end. Her near panic episode left her heart beating frantically within her chest. Taking a deep breath, she could feel the first signs of exhaustion seeping in her bones.  After a few short moments she took the extended arm, leaning most of her weight on Mayumi as she tried to balance herself on unsteady legs.

Throughout her preparation and dinner the only thing that was on her mind were Shizuka’s words and her reaction towards the end of the session. Ana, what’s wrong with you? This is not who you are. You are stronger than this. All this and more filtered through her mind as she ate dinner. By the end of the night she had build up a resolve strong enough to override fear. She would become better, stronger. Not just because Sesshômaru was trying his best to help her but also because she wanted to be independent again, feel like herself again.

Having a new purpose to live was one thing but keeping the resolve was another thing altogether. It was no easy task getting her body back to the way it was before the whole ordeal. Her nightmares still came and sometimes she just couldn’t keep down her food but that didn’t stop her. After many talks with Shizuka she had mustered up enough courage to tell her what had happened. She cried herself dry. Pulling up the past hurt, but by the end she felt better. The memory wouldn’t fade but the pain no longer lingered. She found herself smiling for the first time in a while and strangely enough she found that she could approach Sesshômaru.

“I just wanted to tell you thanks for saving and helping me.” He stood before her, his usual demeanor evident for everyone to see and feel. God he was so arrogant. “It was nothing,” he said after a while. “You know you could say you’re welcome,” she retaliated annoyed by his tone. He huffed and began to walk away. “You’re still an asshole,” she chimed as he rounded a corner. He turned mischievous eyes towards her and gave a small smirk. By the gods, he took it as a compliment. She stood there flabbergasted  by his behaviour, but then again it was  Sesshômaru. The guy was full of surprises.

After that small encounter she didn’t know how to approach him. She tried talking to him but the conversation ended in awkward silence most of the time which made her wonder if it was even worth trying.

Weeks turned into months and her resolve to try and have a normal conversation with him from time to time shattered. He grew distant and it made her feel as if he didn’t want her around anymore. The castle became more like a prison than a place of restitution. She missed her friends, her freedom. Fed up with it all she decided to talk with Sesshômaru so she could visit Kagome and the others. Determined she marched to his study. She knocked and waited patiently for him to answer. He couldn’t tell her no, right? She had been behaving as best she could and apart from the bandages and scars around her thighs she was fully healed, surely he would let her go. “Enter.” She slowly opened the door. “Hey, Sesshômaru,” she called out nervously. She had had so much confidence when she was coming here, when had it all disappeared? Swallowing her sudden fear she blurted, “Since I’m healed and can basically walk on my own and such, I was wondering if I could visit Kagome and the others?”

“No.” The answer was swift and it took her a moment to realize that he had answered her at all. “What?” she asked, disbelieving what she had just heard. “This Sesshômaru will not repeat himself, now leave my presence.” Stunned she stuttered. Her throat started to close as anger reared its head. She had come here..asked politely.. and he said no?! “Now hold on..?” she chuckled, trying to push away her anger. Maybe he didn’t hear her well with all that hair on his head. Yeah, it had to be clogging up his ears. Yeah, he didn‘t hear, that’s all.

“Anastasia!” She jumped at the shout of her name. “Leave. Now!” he commanded, his voice bouncing off the walls, fangs longer than usual and the stoic visage replaced by a vicious scowl. She swallowed thickly, fear overwriting her anger. That didn’t last for long as she turned and slammed the door behind her. That stupid, arrogant, mutt face, fuck him! She wanted to scream but decided against it. It wouldn’t do well to add more fuel to the fire, boy did she want to connect her fist to his face.  Clenching her fingers to the point that her nails pierced the skin of her palm, she swallowed the words she wanted to scream at the overly pampered poodle fucktard that resided behind the closed doors. This was one of the times she wished she could size him up and knock him over the head. She sighed, rubbing her temples, the feel of  a headache coming on. It was time for her to calm down before it turned into a full blown migraine. Groaning she decided it would be best to wander the halls of the castle, what better way to calm down, since that was the only fucking thing for her to do in this damned place? What was his problem? She just wanted to see something new, visit her friends. Was that so hard to do? Even Rin had more freedom than she did. She was so deep in thought she didn’t realize someone in front of her until she bumped into them. “Sorry,” she apologized. She was not expecting Sesshômaru’s mother. “Oh, Mizuki-sama.”

“You seem to be deep in thought. What has you bothered?” she asked. “Your son,” she answered flatly. “Hmmm, what has he done this time?” Ana looked at the woman. “I just wanted to leave so I could visit Kagome and the others.”

“Oh, is that all?” Ana looked at her, annoyed by her aloof view of people's freedom, the very same view her arrogant tyke of a son had shown her moments ago. The snarky remark was at the tip of her tongue already, when Mizuki spoke again, “If my son doesn’t want you to be free in this world, why don’t you lose yourself in the collection of books in the library? I’m sure he’ll come around eventually.” The library? Right, Shizuka had mentioned it in one of their meetings. Had she seriously forgotten something as important and exciting as a book in her hands? It was , unbelievable that she had stayed here for so long without ever reading one. It had to be about half a year since she had fallen into that blasted well, what had she done all the time? Oh right, getting tortured by a sadistic maniac and being taken in by a fucking pooch as if she were a stray… Reading sounded like a good idea actually, knowing, that Mizuki had not stayed for her memories to unfold before her eyes she walked down the corridor without a second glance whatsoever. By now she was used to the sudden disappearance. Why did they always do that?

It didn’t take her long to find the library. Surprisingly, no one was inside the brightly lit room. She looked around in awe, there were so many shelves layered with books. As she gushed over the amount of books she could read, one in particular caught her eyes. It was not on the shelves like the others but opened on a table and it looked as if someone had been reading it but had left suddenly. Curious she picked it up.

Saying the title was cryptic was a massive understatement. It had nothing to do with the actual story that filled the book.  Even though it said it was a diary it reminded her more of a fantasy love story than anything else, painting a vivid picture of the phenomena that former demon lords have experienced when their inner demon choose their mate. The hopeless romantic in her instantly took over and slowly but surely her imagination took her to a new world. The way each lord spoke of the first moments they realized who was to be their mate, the way they smelled, their undying love and respect for their other half. As she read she wished that someone would see her in that light. A fairytale come true, and after all, how else would she find someone, damaged as she was? Her hand reached between her legs, almost four months now and she still wore bandages. The healers had worked hard for her, but as it stood the wounds would never fully heal, her flesh still refusing to close. Actually, finding love was the least of her problems, who the fuck cares if someone would think you’re attractive with thighs blemished like that, if every miniscule bacteria could kill you? And living in a time without sterilized utensils of antibiotics no less!

“Found something you like?” Ana dropped the book, startled by the voice. “Fucking damn it!” She cursed grabbing her chest. Mizuki stepped in front of her, a sly smirk on her face. “Jeez, can you people not give me a heart attack and make some noise when you walk?”

“Oh come one now, I wasn’t even trying and besides I’m a predator. We have to be stealthy.”

“In your own home?”

“One, such as myself, can never be too careful in a castle such as this.”

“That must be exhausting,” Ana said drily. Mizuki waved a dismissive hand. “I asked a question earlier.”

“Oh, yeah, this book.” She slid the book across the table towards her. Gathering the book in her hands Mizuki turned it around, inspecting the covers. “Ahh, interesting one isn’t it?” Ana gave her a curious look. “It is! I’m already halfway through, even though I had some trouble with the more complicated signs. It’s really exciting for a diary.”, she bubbled, her trouble with the woman’s son and the beginning mysophobia all but forgotten for the moment. Mizuki chuckled airily “Why yes, and all of it is true, life does write the most amazing plots, doesn’t it?”

“It is true? It’s beautiful!”, just thinking about being the recipient of such unconditional and unyielding love made her heart race. Almost enough to miss the veil of sadness over Mizuki’s usually piercing gaze, almost. She looked at her in question and the smile the woman gave her was far from reaching her eyes. She looked almost broken when she answered “I assume you haven’t reached the chapter about unreciprocated choices yet. It is not beautiful at all.”

The topic seemed rather personal for her. Was that the reason for the decades of hatred between Sesshômaru and Inuyasha? Had her inner demon chosen their father, while his had not? Thinking about the intensity of such a bond, described in the book it must have ripped her apart when he had left. Now what do you do if you hit a touchy subject with a demon that could rip you apart within the blink of an eye? Apologize? Maybe?

“I’m sorry, Mizuki-sama, I don’t mean to pry, but what happens then?” she tried meekly, almost expecting her attack. She didn’t, instead she huffed: “pry all you want, little one, but you should know best.”

Ana gave her a confused look. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Mizuki scuffed, leaning onto the table to meet her eye to eye. At that moment Ana felt an impending amount of dread. What the hell was going on? “I am speaking of my son. You have been around him lately have you not?”

“Yeah, and...?” She wanted to move but the way Mizuki’s predatory eyes stared her down kept her pinned to her seat. Mizuki sighed, straightening herself. “Have you not realized that Sesshômaru has been spiraling into despair?” Her voice filled with pain.

“He’s been meaner than normal, that’s all,” she  replied shrugging. Mizuki scowled, her eyes flashing red for a second. “Is that all you’ve noticed?” Her question was clipped and filled with agitation. “I mean..” she trailed off, not really understanding what was going on. “You’re observative skills are severely lacking,” Mizuki remarked with a hint of disgust. Offended Ana remarked, “He’s a grown man, he can take care of himself.” Mizuki suddenly turned tense, demonic energy rippling in the air, her deep growl bouncing off the walls and pressing all air out of Ana’s lungs. Stuck between confusion and fear, she sat completely still, the power that was just released prickling her skin. Mizuki stared at her, her exquisite features just as viscous as her son’s had been earlier that day. Blood drained from her face, as the old wooden floor hissed from the acid dripping off the woman’s claws, she’d kill her for sure. Her breath held, she watched as Mizuki clenched her fists and within an instant the cool and aloof aristocrat was back. What the fuck was going on here? “ He is around his chosen mate, who is currently fertile and she rejected him. That would drive anyone insane.” The way she said it was eerily calm for someone who was just furious a second ago. Ana stared, jaw slightly ajar at the woman before her. She could not mean? “Don’t be dense child.” She left without uttering another word.

Ana slumped in her chair unsure of how to accept the information that was given to her. Now that she thought about it, when she had seen him earlier he had looked really bothered, with bags under his eyes and his hair was a bit messy. Was she really the reason for it all? How did this turn dire so quickly? Granted that she did ask for someone to show her undying love like the women in the book. She groaned, the beginnings of a headache making itself known once again. What the fuck was she supposed to do now? Maybe sleeping would clear up all the clutter and confusion in her mind. Yeah that sounded like a great idea.

She blinked her eyes trying to focus on the door of her room. Was it morning already, did Mayumi just enter her room? She blinked once more only to see Sesshômaru. “Sesshômaru.. what?” She pushed herself off her futon and approached him. “Your mom told me. I-I’m sorry, I-I didn’t know.” He gently placed a finger on her lips. “It’s okay, now that I have you I won’t let you go.”

She found herself back on her futon with him looming over her. “Sessh…” He sealed her lips with his effectively silencing her once again. She melted in his kiss, loving the taste of his freshness and raw power, forgetting everything that had happened earlier. The only thing she could focus on was the feeling of his fingers ghosting over her exposed flesh, causing goosebumps to rise over her skin. A shiver passed through her body as a moan escaped, bubbling at the back of her throat through their kiss. He released her then, his amber hues filled with lust and something akin to love. He attacked her lips once again, licking her lips and demanding passage. She allowed it, letting him dominate her tongue, wrapping his tongue around hers.

She gasped for air, a moan following as he suckled her neck and gently dragged his claws over her thighs. She pulled away from him, She couldn’t… “Shh, I promise I won’t hurt you, I-” he broke off nuzzling her neck and nipping gently at her jaw.

Her sleeping kimono was gone,  as his fingers began their ministrations once again. She relaxed, allowing him to wisp her away to a world of bliss. His kisses moved down, ghosting over her neck, collarbone, chest before finally latching onto her breast, suckling softly. She shuddered as his fingers glided over her womanhood, lightly touching her bundle. Fingers fisted his robes as he pressed a bit harder before gently rubbing once again. Her legs trembled, her toes curling and uncurling as she moved her hips in time with his light probing. She tried, oh how she tried to get him to move on, her earlier reservations forgotten, to quench the heat that was burning between her leg; but he continued to tease her, intending to drive her crazy with how he was playing her like a fine tuned koto. He finally fulfilled her wish, pressing into her with ease. Her fingers found their way through his hair, fingernails lightly scraping his scalp as she moaned out his name. He swallowed her moans with another kiss, slowly moving his fingers within her; curling them before pulling out and lightly touching her bundle then repeating the process. The heat in the pit of her stomach grew, her eyes squeezing shut as it intensified. He released her, nibbled on her ear, “Cum for me Ana.” The heat of his breath, his voice heavy with lust was enough to push her over the edge and she did as he commanded.