InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ That's the Way Love Goes ❯ X ( Chapter 10 )

 

A/N: I love all of you guys. I'm sorry I have no specific shout-outs, but I've been working non-stop on this, and I literally wrote half of this chapter tonight - or should I say this morning. I've been working on it since about one in the morning, and it's now a little after 7. So I'm a little exhausted, though I'm really happy with this chapter and story in general. I DO, however, want to give extra-special thanks to my reviewers at Dokuga that have not only welcomed me with open arms but some of the readers that knew my work already encouraged me. So much love to all of you - you're the best.

 

Reviews are fuel and love, which is how I was able to get this out to you all so quickly. Thanks so much, everyone at mediaminer, deviantART, fanfiction.com, and especially my home site, Inuyasha-fanfiction.com. Thanks for all the support!

 

*MINOR WARNING FOR LANGUAGE* lolz, sorry, it's an Inuyasha-heavy chapter. ^^

 

 

That's the Way Love Goes

Chapter X

 

In the past few weeks, Kagome had been back and forth the way from Edo to their - no, the waterfall - enough times to know the way. But she couldn't focus, couldn't think. Which way was east? Were they going the right way? She was strangely numb, as if someone had opened up her head and dipped her brain in freezing water. Of course, it may have had something to do with the cool winter air, but the fact that it was chilly out barely registered.

 

All she could hear were Rin's desperate pleas to go back and her own mind, echoing his words.

 

`I have no place with humans…' `THIS SESSHOUMARU HAS NO FAMILY!'

 

What had happened? What had she done? Was this a product of his dreams? Did his memory finally come back? But Kagome refused to believe that he could simply change so dramatically… Her mind treacherously reminded her that he had done a complete 180 when he lost his memory. Why not the other way around? Although, what they had experienced a few hours ago was more like the universe turning in on itself, rather than just a change of heart.

 

How could he do this to her? How could he do this to Rin? As she thought of the girl, Rin jerked her hand away. Kagome spun to catch her.

 

“You can't! He'll kill you!”

 

“That's ridiculous, Kagome! Sesshoumaru-sama loves me,” she said stubbornly, glaring at the miko.

 

He loved me too, Kagome's mind whispered treacherously, her eyes turning to her feet.

 

The look of complete loss did not go unnoticed. Guilt and remorse flooded through Rin, and she returned to Kagome to embrace her. She wasn't the only one mourning, and the older woman was right. Sesshoumaru had addressed her as he spoke, and he was serious. She hadn't ever thought of this as an outcome. It was… impossible.

 

“He loved both of us,” the girl said softly.

 

“W-why…” Kagome choked out as the sobbing finally caught up to her.

 

Rin could only hold her friend until the sobs slowed enough for them to walk.

 

~~~~~%~~@

 

Sesshoumaru paced the camp, wanting to slice every tree in the area to shreds. He knew this was not productive, but he just felt the need to kill something. It wouldn't be prudent to kill Jaken - he wouldn't be able to bring the little toad back again. And it didn't feel right even thinking about doing so to the dragon. So he paced some more.

 

Why was he so angry? Was he angry at them, or at himself? Why should he be angry at himself? He did nothing wrong. He simply cast away the humans that had attached themselves to him. And as the current Inu no Taishou, anything he said or did was right. Who was anyone else to question him? If they were not happy with his decision, then they had no business being here. Which they didn't. Which is why he was correct. But he was always correct anyways, so it didn't matter. So there.

 

A small part of Sesshoumaru's brain reminded him that he was acting like a petulant child. He quickly told this part of himself to shut up, your opinion is not needed, thank you.

 

Well, perhaps sending Rin away was a bit much. But how else was he supposed to get Kagome to leave? She wouldn't have believed him - stubborn, obstinate woman - if he had merely said he didn't love her. Which he absolutely did not.

 

Simply thinking those words sent a pain through him which settled in his stomach. Memories of the time he spent with Kagome flooded his mind. Caring, loving, trusting Kagome. Tenacious, headstrong, uncompromising Kagome.

 

With a few leaps, Sesshoumaru went into the forest, hoping there would be a demon nearby that would give him at least an inkling of a fight.

 

~~~~~%~~@

 

It was almost dark when Rin finally stumbled over the hill that allowed them to see the growing city of Edo. She pulled on Kagome's hand, dragging her along. Her own tears, for now, refused to spill. Kagome had finally grown quiet; Rin assumed she had nothing let to cry out. They hadn't stopped to eat or drink, or even to relieve themselves.

 

Kagome had wanted to stop, but Rin hadn't allowed it. The miko had begun to argue with her, telling her that Sesshoumaru wasn't coming after them. Rin had smiled piteously; the more sensible girl in times of crisis, she had pointed out to Kagome that Sesshoumaru wasn't always the most dangerous thing in the wilderness. Kagome had wanted to object - Sesshoumaru might as well have killed her, the way she felt right now - but she wasn't in the mood for a pity party. And although Kagome could, in fact, be considered quite dangerous herself where youkai were concerned, she was pretty much useless right now. So they had trudged on.

 

Now that Kagome could see Edo - she could make the lights out in Sango's and Kaede's huts - she began to whimper. She didn't want to face them, her friends. They would all have judgment in their eyes. Sango had been wary; what would she tell her now? Miroku had supported her. And Inuyasha… The thought of how Inuyasha would react - would he be happy? Would he be angry? - made her eyes begin to sting again.

 

The momentum of gravity had them practically running down the hill, and then they were crossing the bridge over the river that marked the beginnings of the village. Weaving through the houses, Rin was about to stop at Sango's - she wanted to see Kohaku so badly - but Kagome desperately yanked her hand away, her wide, frightened eyes glancing in the direction of Kaede's. Rin understood, and they continued.

 

They were stopped, a few yards away from the older miko's hut. There was a possibility that Inuyasha would be there, stopping in for dinner. Kagome was unable to move another step. Again, Rin understood. She motioned for Kagome to stay where she was, and Kagome could only stare at her, looking like she was about to bolt. Rin disappeared after knocking meekly on the home's doorframe.

 

She reappeared only a few seconds later and the young girl waved at Kagome. Hesitantly, the priestess moved towards the hut. She glanced everywhere, almost certain that one of her friends would pop out from somewhere. She didn't want to cry anymore. It hurt enough without the crying. Then she remembered Shippou; if Inuyasha wasn't here, however, the kitsune was probably with him.

 

When she stepped inside, Kagome found only a worried-looking Kaede and a somber Rin. She felt she could deal with them. Ask Kaede to look after Rin, get your things, and go.

 

“Kagome, dear, what has happened?”

 

“K-Kaede-sama…” she began, but then her lower lip began to tremble. Her eyes began to fill with tears, and Rin rushed to her, her arms waving frantically.

 

Kaede was shocked. She had never seen Kagome in such a state. The girl always put on such a brave face.

 

The sobs finally broke free, and they spent the next few minutes trying to soothe the young miko. Luckily, Kaede was already finishing some stew and was readying tea when Rin showed up. Fixing them all a bowl, Kaede forced Kagome to eat something. She ate a few spoonfuls, but couldn't stomach any more. The ache filled her so badly that she couldn't even think about eating, and the smell made her feel nauseous. Oddly enough, she also felt so empty that surely she could use some food. Rin and Kaede watched her nervously. But she never regained use of her voice. Finally, the older woman asked Rin once again what happened. The girl wasn't sure she should say, but it didn't look like Kagome was going to explain any time soon.

 

With a sigh, Rin began. “I… I'm not really sure what happened. I woke up this morning, and Kagome was there, smiling. It looked like she had just fed the campfire…”

 

Kagome, remembering, began to wail. When she quieted some, Rin continued. “We were just talking… and suddenly, Sesshoumaru was yelling. He was so… angry. He… he told us to… leave.”

 

Stirring more memories, Kagome was inconsolable. But she never stopped thinking about her friends and what they would say. No doubt soon, word would spread that someone was grieving in Kaede's hut. Sango would assume, and maybe even Inuyasha would hear word. She had to leave. Now.

 

“K-K-K-Kaede-sama…”

 

The other two females stared. It was the first she had spoken in an hour.

 

“P-please, l-look after R-R-Rin…”

 

“Of course, child, but-”

 

“K-Kagome? What… what are you-”

 

“I… I have to go. Please…”

“But Kagome…!” Rin pleaded. First Sesshoumaru, now Kagome was going to leave her?!

 

“I… can't stay. I… I can't face them! I'm sorry, Rin. I'll come back one day, I promise…”

 

“ONE day? What…”

 

Kagome suddenly ran up to the girl and hugged her fiercely. Rin returned the embrace just as furiously, but Kagome broke away quickly. Rin tried to grab hold of her, wanted to make her stay, to understand. But there was no use. Kagome didn't know what else to do. What else was there, but to leave? She quickly grabbed her pink satchel and ran out, unawares of the golden eyes that watched her from atop the roof.

 

The familiar trail was worn after three years' use. There were no roots to trip her, or vines to tangle her ankles. But she stumbled anyways, constantly reaching out for something she couldn't quite grasp. It was always going to be just out of reach, wasn't it…?

 

She never stopped. When she reached the well, Kagome used her momentum to vault over the wall. With the first feeling of relief in hours, Kagome slipped through time to her home.

 

~~~~~%~~@

 

Of course, the relief was only brief. She was away from judging eyes and berating words, but the crux of it was that there was still a rather large hole on her chest, and only a rather large demon could fill it. But that was impossible. Said demon had regained his memory, and his sanity. She had been living in a dream world, where someone had actually loved her. Had cared for her. Had not asked for anything in return.

 

Kagome, find the shards. Kagome, fix my problems. Kagome, heal my wound. Kagome, hold me up. Kagome, help me avenge…

 

It was too much. She had finally gotten her happily ever after, but she was neither happy, and she didn't feel the after. She felt… nothing. Oh, she could feel her stomach practically eating itself and her heart trying to claw its' way out, wanting to bury itself, away from her where it could mourn… And she wished she could. She wanted to. If she had the strength of a demon, or their claws, she would rip her own heart out and bury it somewhere, never to need or want it again. Or maybe toss it to a pack of stray dogs. Surely, they could get better use of it than she.

 

But she couldn't. So she settled for laying in her bed, curled into a fetal position, sobbing although there were no tears.

 

~~~~~%~~@

 

It took about fifteen minutes. Without warning, Sango burst through the little hut's opening. Miroku was only two seconds after her. Kohaku was forced to squeeze in between his sister and brother-in-law since they had stopped so abruptly.

 

“What happened?” she demanded.

 

The older miko's eyes were downcast. She almost seemed as one did when one mourned the death of someone close. And - she almost stepped back in surprise, the shock was so sudden - the young ward of the Western Lord looked like she was grieving as well.

 

Miroku, always the astute one, immediately understood. “Ah, Rin…”

 

At the mention of her name in such a sad tone, Kohaku stepped up to the girl defensively. “What's going on?” he asked, frowning.

 

“So, then… Kagome?” Miroku's wise grey eyes turned to the old miko. She nodded in return, and Miroku's head hung in dismay.

 

“I said, `what's going on'?” Sango repeated.

 

Kohaku gave a sharp little nod, seconding his sisters' consternation.

 

Kaede looked to the young girl at her side. It was her story to tell.

 

Rin noticed her scrutiny and looked up to Kohaku for support. There was so much worry in his eyes. And she felt even worse. She had lost a father. But Kagome had lost… her Kohaku. Rin closed her eyes, a new respect for the pain her friend was going through. If Kohaku had said such words to her…

 

She reached for the young man's hand, and he had no problem giving to her. Swallowing, Rin retold what she knew to the small audience.

 

~~~~~%~~@

 

A few hours later, he was almost there.

 

Racing through the forest, he had crossed into Western territory with his heart in his throat and wanting blood on his claws.

 

He had listened until they had grown quiet with worry and grief. He had needed to get off the roof, because he was so close to demolishing the thatched roof of Kaede's home. It had taken an amazing amount of self-control, because he had wanted to destroy it. But that wouldn't be fair to the old woman, and she would surely make him pay for it later. And then he felt himself running.

 

He had followed the scent of Rin and Kagome's heavy trail. They had been so panicked, grieving as they ran, that it left a sharp, grey trail straight to a clearing with the beginnings of a small mountain. A lake wrapped around its' base, and a waterfall crashed into it from one of the mountain's cliffs. No doubt a river coursed around the mountain and ended here. The familiar edge of jealousy slashed across his mind, and he could just imagine Kagome singing to herself as she bathed in the clear lake.

 

White-hot as a blade, his youki called for some type of justice. Inuyasha sniffed, searching for his brother. He found a trail, followed it. He reached an area that had - in the recent past - included some very large trees. Not that he had much association with the foliage of this particular area, but that the evidence was everywhere. There were large, circular cuts of wood everywhere, most of them clawed straight through. The stumps of the former trees, however, were slightly melted.

 

Whoa, Inuyasha thought. He seems pissed. Wait, what the fuck does he have to be pissed about? Angrily, Inuyasha followed his brother's scent.

 

~~~~~%~~@

 

He had to admit, it was somewhat relieving to release some of his poison. Merely cutting through the trunks had not been enough. He had taken to completely melting whole trees that were several times his height, and it relieved the anger somewhat.

 

Well, not really.

 

Sesshoumaru growled. He wasn't even able to lie to himself. Why was he so angry? Oh, that's right. Lowly humans attempting to get him to care and provide for them. His mind poked at him hard. He sighed to himself. Right, another lie. Neither Ri - neither of the humans, he corrected himself - had asked him for anything. Except for perhaps, himself.

 

And that was too much.

 

He could not - would not - associate with humans any longer. He was a strong Taiyoukai. He was not his father's son.

 

But you are, his mind whispered darkly, practically laughing. With a roar, Sesshoumaru turned back to the forest and turned another towering fir into a melted mess.

 

Watching the tree slowly turn into a glob of goo, he was suddenly reminded of that last dream. He saw Kagome melt under the power of his poison, although this time, he imagined her actually dying.

 

And something in his chest twisted -

 

He suddenly didn't have the energy to melt anything anymore. Turning, he saw Jaken watching him with an oddly optimistic look on his toadly features. Narrowing his eyes at the little imp, he strolled back to the dragon, taking the reins.

 

Well, if he was done, he might as well find somewhere to camp for the night. He felt a strange tug in the direction of the waterfall, but ignored it. He hadn't taken but two steps in the opposite direction when he felt a familiar youki coming towards him swiftly.

 

Sesshoumaru sighed. Really, was this necessary right now? Suddenly he was very tired. Turning, he waited for the red and white blur to come crashing through the trees, wildly waving around their father's sword. He was not disappointed.

 

He had been, however, surprised at the hanyou's demeanor. He had expected for Inuyasha to come barreling towards him and starting, inevitably, a fight. Strange, how he had wanted, needed a fight not long ago. And now, he just felt… nothing.

 

Instead, his brother stalked towards him, his jaw set, his shoulders squared, a look of determination on his face. Sesshoumaru attempted to suppress a sigh. He failed.

 

“What did you do?” Inuyasha asked when he was thirty or so meters away.

 

Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed. What business of his was it?

 

“Sesshoumaru…” the hanyou growled, “what did you do?”

 

He was losing his patience. He had no right to come onto his lands, demanding answers - that he was not going to give - and sneering his name. Sesshoumaru bared his fangs at his brother.

 

Inuyasha stopped when he was an arm's length away. His expression had only grown more sour, and now he was downright scowling. Well, two could play at that game. Sesshoumaru pulled together his mightiest scowl.

 

Through gritted teeth, Inuyasha tried one more time. “You asshole. What. The. Fuck. Did. You. DO?”

 

Sesshoumaru's hand shot out like a bullet, grabbing the hanyou by the throat. “Do not come onto my lands and presume to question me, lowly half-breed,” he spat. “I put the humans in their place, and that is all.”

 

“Did you… have to make them cry?” Inuyasha grunted as he tried to loosen his brother's grip, to no avail.

 

And there, Inuyasha saw the slight softening of the eyes that looked so like his own, but so different. Perhaps he had gone about this the wrong way… What would Kagome do? Scream at him and probably stamp her foot, along with threats of a `sitting'. Wrong person. Sango? Murderous glare and waving Hiraikotsu around. No. Miroku, then? He would try to get more information out while trying to weasel some money out of his pockets. Well, the first part of that sounded good. Sesshoumaru didn't have any money anyways.

 

So… talk. To Sesshoumaru. In a… non-violent manner.

 

Right.

 

First thing's first.

 

Inuyasha finally freed himself of his brother's clawed hand, leaving long, bloody lines that would heal in a few hours. He had already allowed Tessaiga to revert to its' sleeping state, and now he sheathed it. Running a hand through his hair, Inuyasha looked up in time to find Sesshoumaru doing the same thing in the same way and froze.

 

Sesshoumaru noticed it too, but continued. After all, the hanyou was obviously copying him, since he was much older.

 

And then Sesshoumaru heard that intake of breath before speech and wanted to turn around and kill him. He wanted to burrow into the earth and sleep. He wanted to take to the skies and not look back. Anything but this - his brother trying to talk to him.

 

“Why?”

 

And in that one word, the entire world seemed to tip over, and he heard the hundreds of questions that stemmed from that one word. And then he heard the empty echo of the one that resounded, glanced into a hundred different directions in his mind.

 

… Why are you doing this?

 

He wouldn't think her name. He wouldn't remember her face. He wouldn't recall the way her hips felt in his hands. He wouldn't think of how frantic she had been about his wounds when she had far worse injuries. He wouldn't think of the foolish, selfless little miko.

 

He knew that if he did any of those things, he would waver. And that was something that Sesshoumaru - the sane, normal Sesshoumaru, not that sniveling, whimpering pup of an insane youkai he had been a day ago - did not do. Wavering was for lower youkai and humans.

 

“Why?” came the voice again, more insistent.

 

And hanyou. Yes, hanyou wavered too.

 

He glared at his brother. Obviously the whole ignoring bit wasn't working. The stubborn half-breed might be here all night - it was well on its' way to midnight by now - and if he had to hear him ask again he might rip his intestines out though his back…

 

“I am a Taiyoukai,” he finally said, startling Inuyasha with his suddenly working larynx. “I am above humans. Why should I have them in my presence? They are not even worthy to be slaves…” Unbidden, a vision of Rin, shackled and being whipped, dirty and starved, flashed across his mind like a comet and he couldn't hold back the growl.

 

Inuyasha, unawares of his brother's turmoil, tried to sort through the answer. “You had no problem with them a few days ago,” he said warily.

 

Sesshoumaru snapped out of his mental torture. “I was not myself,” he growled. “It was the miko's fault.”

 

“Don't blame her, you oversized dog. She only tried to help you, and what did you do? Fucked her and left her. You're not a man. You're a fucking coward,” Inuyasha spat out as he turned to leave.

 

He wasn't going to get far. Sesshoumaru had taken a moment to recover, his brother's words lashing him a little more than he preferred, but he had his own torment to inflict.

 

“Coward?” he said in such a curious tone that Inuyasha stopped, his back still to his brother. Sesshoumaru chuckled in a humorless way. “But my dear Inuyasha, you are the coward. Had you taken Kagome's hand, this would not have happened.”

 

Inuyasha flinched, then spun, his hand on the hilt of his sword as he marched back towards his brother until he was in his face. “First, don't you ever say her fucking name again. You hear me? Second, you don't know what you're fucking talking about. Mind your own damn business,” he growled, teetering on the precipice of self-control.

 

Sesshoumaru grinned. “But brother, you are not minding your own business. As a matter of fact, that's what caused this in the first place. Kagome told me all about how she waited for you to do something, promise something. She felt low and unworthy, and so I took her…”

 

This was the point in which Inuyasha began to see crimson, his own youki calling for Sesshoumaru's blood for impugning Kagome's honor.

 

“You. Fucking. Bastard.”

 

Sesshoumaru grinned, although something told him he had pushed the hanyou too far. The jagged stripes of their father were making themselves known, and his eyes had turned crimson.

 

But then Inuyasha's hand was pulling Tessaiga out, and even though it wasn't transformed, he held it tightly, his knuckles turning white.

 

Sesshoumaru watched with interest as his brother calmed somewhat. The stripes dissipated and the eyes were once again like honey.

 

“I know what you did,” came the sudden statement from Inuyasha.

 

Sesshoumaru glared. He wasn't sure yet what the hanyou implied, but he was sure he wasn't liking where this was going.

 

Inuyasha glowered back. Apparently, the bastard didn't know what he meant, otherwise the pompous bastard would have made another comment that was sure to piss him the hell off. His eyes narrowed further, trying to impress his fury onto his brother.

 

“I can feel you in her,” he said finally.

 

A smirk began to grow across the youkai's lips. “That would be due to our recent activities…” Of course, this was meant to tease the hanyou, but had the unpleasant side effect of bringing up memories of her skin sliding on his, her ebony hair slipping on his chest, her breasts bobbing as she took her pleasure… He shook his head to get rid of the memories, and luckily, his brother hadn't noticed. He was too busy having a fit.

 

“Argh! No! You fucking bastard! No! GOD! Shut UP!” His chest was heaving as he tried to regain control again. “That's not what I meant, asshole. I think you know exactly what I mean. Your youki. I can feel it in her. What the fuck… how could you do that and then just toss her like a bug?”

 

Unbidden, the memory of when he wasn't himself came to him. He recalled that day, the first time he had tasted her flesh. There had been that strange electricity… She had been so concerned, and accidentally taken in his youki along with his blood. He hadn't known what it was then, but now he knew, and remembered the pull -

 

- his youki roared inside him, begging for him to go after her -

 

- and he quashed it ruthlessly. Wasn't it the beast within him that had revolted so strongly when he remembered who he was? What he was? What he was not allowed to do because it was beneath his stature to do so? What was wrong with him? He was only grateful that the process hadn't been finalized.

 

Damnit. He would have been just fine without remembering that. Damn, annoying hanyou. They should all be eliminated. Starting with this one.

 

A gentle but cool breeze blew through the trees, the sound of the dead leaves like dried rice, and the brothers stared at each other. Neither was willing to admit a wrongdoing, and so it was pointless. Inuyasha turned to go.

 

“You didn't have to make her cry,” he said again, walking through the trees.

 

Inuyasha knew that would be it, and it was quiet for some time as he sluggishly moved through the fallen, dried leaves. But then, so quietly, yet so filled with emotion that he was sure his brother had not meant him to hear…

 

“Yes. I did.”

 

Inuyasha was as still as stone for a moment, and then he was off, flying back to the village he called home.

 

~~~~~%~~@

 

Kagome felt like shit. She had thought about the word `crap', but that just wasn't strong enough for her situation. `Crap' was something you said when you failed a Japanese History test, or sliced your finger while chopping onions. So in her case, `shit' was a much better word.

 

Shit, she thought as she rolled over in bed, her stomach still a bundle of knotted joy.

 

And then, because thinking it just didn't make her feel better, she said it out loud. “Shit,” she said.

 

She was surprised that her voice was so weak and cracked. That, perhaps, might have something to do with crying for hours on end and going to sleep only to cry some more when you woke up. Oh, and let's not forget the part where her mother came running into her room and held her, not asking any questions, as if she had known this was going to happen.

 

And here she was, curled into a ball on her bed, with half of Sunday gone, her mother's well-intentioned but not-quite-digested breakfast down the toilet. And tomorrow, she had to go to school, cram, and then the following two days she would have to begin her final exams. Shit, she reiterated to herself.

 

And then, unbidden, a memory flashed across her mind. It pounced like a lioness clamping down on a zebra's throat and wouldn't let go. She remembered the way Sesshoumaru touched her face, caressed her back when he was trying to soothe her. But he wasn't here. He had banished her. And she was all alone…

 

The crying began again, and Kagome shoved her pillow over her head, not wanting to alert her mother. She allowed the sobbing to wrack her frame, and hoped she would cry herself into an exhausted sleep.

 

~~~~~%~~@

 

“Inuyasha-sama, you have to go,” Rin pleaded.

 

“Don't call me that,” he spat.

 

She looked at the other members in the hut, confused.

 

“It is only that no one ever calls him `sama', Rin. Except for Myouga, perhaps…” Miroku answered.

 

“Where is that little bug?” Inuyasha groused.

 

They ignored him.

 

“Inuyasha,” she tried again, “you have to go…”

 

Sango smiled. She liked Rin. She reminded her so much of Kagome. Perhaps if she had a girl…

 

Inuyasha sighed dejectedly, grabbing their attention. “I can't,” he told them.

 

“Whyever not?” Miroku asked.

 

Inuyasha shot him a look. The monk's innocent expression was getting on his nerves. “Because,” he finally lamented, “she has her final tests this week and I don't want her to be more upset.”

 

“So you were paying attention,” Kaede chimed in.

 

Inuyasha shot her a dirty look as well, but it was the equivalent of a child squeezing your hand.

 

“No,” he said defensively, “I just remember her saying a long time ago that this was the week…”

 

Miroku had told Sango what the hanyou had revealed, so now the two of them remained silent. But they exchanged a silent glance. Would this be enough? She had been so happy the last time they saw her. Knowing her, she was probably afraid they were going to chide her for letting herself get hurt. So in the end, would Inuyasha be enough to comfort her?

 

Probably not.

 

Kagome was just as stubborn as the hanyou, and although she still loved Inuyasha as a friend, she probably held no other feelings for him. But perhaps it would be enough to get her to come back…

 

~~~~~%~~@

 

There was a silver lining, of course.

 

It wasn't very bright. More like a dull grey lining. But better than nothing, right?

 

The one good thing in her life was the fact that once these few days were over, she would be out of school and would never have to look back. And since her mother and grandfather still lived at the house, there was no rush for her to take over. She could take her time; when she was ready, she would begin to take to her new role.

 

When she was ready…

 

It seemed, to her, that that day would never come. And she wasn't sure she wanted it to. For all the heartbreak, for all the pain… she had to admit that Sesshoumaru had given her something wonderful. And she wouldn't give that up. She wouldn't forget the times he had nuzzled her neck, breathing in her scent. She wouldn't forget the way his arms wound around her waist to draw her to him. And she wouldn't forget the way he smiled at her when she was helping Rin make their dinner.

 

With a sigh, Kagome trudged through her last real day, each teacher trying to re-teach the students everything they needed to know before the exams started tomorrow. And she took notes studiously, pushing away the thoughts whenever Sesshoumaru would slip across her mind. The only time her friends really became involved was at lunch, when she wouldn't eat anything; all she had was a cup of tea.

 

“Kagome-chan, what's wrong?” Ayumi asked.

 

“Is it that Inuyasha again?” Eri huffed, crossing her arms.

 

“I'm fine, you guys. Thanks for worrying, though,” Kagome told them as she smiled weakly.

 

The three other girls looked at each other askance, then at her.

 

“It's someone else, then?” Eri wanted to know, her eyes gleaming with a predatory glint. “Are you two-timing the two-timer?”

 

“UGH!” Kagome grunted. “Listen, you guys. There's no one else.” Well, it wasn't a lie. In fact, right now, she wasn't attached to any guy. “And stop calling Inuyasha a two-timer. He's been over her for a long time.”

 

“But shouldn't you guys be, like, engaged or something by now?” Yuka prompted.

 

“Haha, yeah, or something…”

 

“Kagome…” Ayumi berated. “What's going on?”

 

Kagome wanted to scream. It hurt enough to discuss this with her real friends, the ones that knew her inside and out, the ones that knew about her other life. But to dance around questions and tell half-truths? She hated that. And she hated questions. If she didn't have Calculus next - and she really needed to cram for that - she would leave school right now, probably running and screaming the whole way home.

 

Her friends weren't going to relent. They were frowning at her, obviously displeased that she had not shared this information previously. Only Eri seemed slightly worried.

 

“Well,” she began, not really knowing what to say, “I kinda broke up with him. It just wasn't… going anywhere.”

 

“I knew it!” Yuka cried triumphantly. “You owe me a soda, Ayumi-chan.” Turning back to Kagome with a suspicious grin on her face, she accused, “There is another man.”

 

Kagome was past annoyed by now. She wanted to tell them that yes, there had been someone else. Yes, he had been the sweetest, most gentle, most generous person, and a great lover as well. And he was beyond beautiful - because no human could be that handsome. But she couldn't, because things just weren't that way. Suddenly, she wanted to run to Sango. But over everything resounded the idea that this was all past tense; there had been someone else. Now, there was no one. And that seemed to be all there was to say.

 

Angry now that she was forced to air her dirty laundry, Kagome gave them an impressive scowl, something she didn't have to learn from Sesshoumaru. She'd had plenty of practice with Inuyasha. “There was someone else.” They all looked shocked. It had been a guess, but they really hadn't imagined it being true. After all, they had seen the way she pined over Inuyasha.

 

You know what? Fuck it. Fuck it all. They wanted gossip? They were going to get it. Maybe then they'd leave her alone. “He was Inuyasha's brother,” she said defiantly, daring them to say something.

 

Amazingly, her expression kept Ayumi and Yuka from saying anything. But as they walked to Calculus together and the other two scampered off to their own classes, Eri spoke to her.

 

“You loved him, didn't you?” There was a sad note in her tone that made Kagome take her friend seriously.

 

“Yes,” Kagome said so quietly, Eri wouldn't have known she responded if she hadn't been looking directly at her and saw her lips move.

 

And then, as they entered the class, Eri put a hand on her shoulder. “I'm sorry.”

 

And that was that.

 

~~~~~%~~@

 

On Wednesday, in the afternoon, a hanyou jumped through a well. Then, he jumped through a window. And what he saw almost made him want to jump out and back into the well.

 

Kagome was laying on her bed, dark circles under her eyes from restless sleep, and at least five pounds lighter. She looked like she was in pain even in her sleep, and the room smelled like tears.

 

Remorse was his first reaction; to see her in so much pain was unbearable. Then came the anger. He almost left. She hadn't been so upset when she had left him. She had been… well, not happy, but not like… this. And that seemed to be the crux of it. He was stuck in emotional limbo, caught between an intense hate and deep sorrow for the girl in front of him.

 

In the end, there was nothing to do but sit and wait for her to wake up.

 

~~~~~%~~@

 

It was about five in the morning - according to her clock - when Kagome woke up from a disturbing dream. Of course, she could feel it slipping from her even now, but she remembered the feeling of grief and the deep sense of loss. It took her a few moments to realize that she had woken up crying silently.

 

She wiped her face, and when she looked up, golden eyes met hers. She gasped and was disturbed to feel the intense hope that had flooded her for a second until she realized it was Inuyasha. Of course it was Inuyasha. Who else would it be? She almost laughed at herself, but couldn't find the humor to do so.

 

He was miserable. She had been crying in her sleep for the past twenty minutes and he wasn't sure what to do. Should he leave? Should he wake her up? Unsure, he could feel himself tearing into two pieces. He shouldn't' put himself through this. He should forget her. She broke his heart and didn't want him anymore. She loved another. Even now…

 

But…

 

He still loved her, too. And he knew how she felt because - even though he didn't run off to another era and cry and starve himself - he had felt the enormous weight of loss only a few weeks ago. And maybe, just maybe, if he hadn't been so stubborn, maybe she would have been there to comfort him. Then again, he probably wouldn't have wanted her to. But he should give her the benefit of the doubt. If she sent him away, then so be it. But he would stick around until she did.

 

And then he listened as her heart sped up and she started to wake up. She looked at the clock and suddenly noticed the tears. She scrubbed at her face and looked up…

 

And he couldn't help the pity he felt for her in that moment, when she looked so desperate and lost. And there was something else… For a second, he thought that maybe she mistook him for someone else as her eyes widened. But then she recognized him, and she looked so defeated. His eyebrows twisted as his expression turned to one of sorrow, and she understood.

 

She looked like she was going to cry again, and he got up to sit on the edge of her bed.

 

He wasn't good at this, god damn it, but he had to try. For her.

 

“I'm… sorry,” he said.

 

Kagome would have laughed - he truly didn't sound sorry at all - but she had been so worried about his reaction that she was relieved. And his silly excuse of sympathy was exactly what she needed.

 

Kagome threw her arms around him, startling the hanyou, and buried her face in his haori. At first, he wasn't sure what to do, but then his arms wrapped around her protectively. She sobbed into his shoulder for a while. Then they were just sniffles. Then, she was quiet. She tried to calm herself so that she could actually talk to him, but she wasn't quite ready.

 

In the dark of pre-dawn, Inuyasha was having a very hard time.

 

On the one hand, he was still pissed. And with Kagome so close, he could smell better than ever the evidence of the time spent with his brother. She had a new scent to her - instead of her bright scent, it was now ringed with a darker undertone. It made him furious with himself, his brother, and Kagome. Kagome was easy to figure out, but he was finding it harder and harder to blame her. His brother was easy also. Sesshoumaru had taken Kagome away from him and then thrown her away. It wasn't hard to figure out where the anger stemmed from. But he was angry at himself, too, and that was a little more difficult. Was it because he had let this happen? Well, he had thought this could be an outcome, but hadn't really thought it out, and really, he was more angry at his brother for that than himself. No, there was another reason.

 

And then Kagome pulled away to look him in the eyes, and it hit him.

 

Because it had all been for her.

 

Sure, in the beginning, he just wanted to be a full demon. Then, it was for Kikyou's revenge. But then, it was to protect her. His Kagome… She would never be safe unless Naraku was defeated. And then they had learned that Naraku was not their toughest enemy. They had prevailed. But Kagome still wasn't safe. She was constantly putting herself in danger because she hadn't wanted to chance the well leaving her in one era, especially without him. She had done it for him. And how had he repaid her? By leaving her without a word, without a promise. Because he had been foolishly unconfident.

 

Obviously, Kagome had no problems being intimate with non-humans. And he had known - without a doubt - that she had wanted him. Why had he been so scared? Why had he had such a problem with it? Damn, but he was an idiot.

 

So, he hated himself because he was the one that had forced her into his arms, and this was how it ended up.

 

Yep, that sounded about right.

 

Fucking idiot.

 

So now, as the anger receded and all of his love for her came rushing back like a broken dam, he was found in a precarious position. She was so close, and oh so vulnerable. He only had to lean forward…

 

But no. She was grieving for another man. It would be wrong to take advantage of her now. She would hate him later, and he would hate himself forever. So he would wait. For her, he would wait a hundred years.

 

He brought a hand to her face, wiping away whatever moisture was left. She smiled weakly at him, and he smiled back. And then he opened his mouth to say the first words he had spoken to her in weeks.

 

“Kagome…” he breathed, knowing her family was still asleep, “you look like shit.”

 

Stunned for a second that he was even speaking - she hadn't heard his wild, rough voice in so long it was like a comforting blanket - she only blinked at him. And then something in her brain went clunk, and she laughed hysterically. He laughed with her too, but they quieted quickly so as not to disturb the others.

 

~~~~~%~~@

 

Time went by quickly, she was surprised to find. She had fallen into a strange schedule: she would wake up with Inuyasha beside her and he would make her eat something for breakfast - as she could only eat when he was there, otherwise her stomach would reject it - and then she would try to help her mother around the house.

 

Mrs. Higurashi never pushed her daughter. She knew Kagome had suffered a deep loss and didn't try to wake her from the stupor Kagome seemed to be stuck in. Even Souta didn't seem to bother her as much. And she tried to keep her father-in-law from lecturing the poor girl. She was only immensely grateful to Inuyasha whom she was surprised to see after what Kagome had told her. Without him, Kagome would be worse. Her daughter was only a shadow of herself now, but she would be invisible without the faithful hanyou.

 

Of course Kagome tried to argue - weakly - with Inuyasha about all the time he was spending here. But he insisted that there was nothing for him to do in the Feudal Era. After all, with the jewel here in the Modern Era no demons were attracted to the village. He also tried to make the case that Sango was there, but Kagome berated him; her friend was pregnant and wouldn't be able to help the village. Miroku was there, but he was hindered in a good-yet-bad way without the Kazaana. In the end, though, he convinced her that she wasn't going to get rid of him that easily, and it brought a now-rare smile to her face.

 

Her entire day, she tried to busy herself around the shrine. Not quite up to seeing visitors yet, she cleaned, studied her families' history, and made herself more familiar with the items of the shrine that she hadn't had time to recognize before. At lunchtime, she would always find an excuse to miss eating with her family - an errand to run, a sudden need for a shower, already grabbed a snack, going to grab lunch with a friend - but she didn't fool anyone. Inuyasha knew better than any of them, but they all saw how she grew thinner and thinner every week.

 

~~~~~%~~@

 

February came and went.

 

March brought warmer weather, but didn't warm her heart.

 

April saw the beginnings of life, with green sprouts everywhere. But she took no notice.

 

In May, she could wear her beloved skirts again, but her clothes hung limply off her bony frame.

 

When June came, Inuyasha had had enough.

 

He was tired of watching her kill herself. He knew the heartbreak she was going through because he had to lose women he loved twice. But he wasn't going to lose Kagome again. And certainly not because she wouldn't eat.

 

One night, when he went back to the Feudal Era as Kagome slept - his routine - he found Miroku awake in his home. The ever-growing Sango was sleeping for now, and he brought the monk outside to talk, which garnered Miroku's interest.

 

They spoke for some time, the hanyou filling his friend in with details of Kagome's health and told him of his plan to attempt to bring Kagome back. It would require Sango's cooperation - only the thought of her pregnant friend would drag Kagome back to this time - so the two plotted until Inuyasha decided to rush back lest the miko wake up and find him gone.

 

When Kagome was sweeping the massive collection of steps leading up to the shrine the next morning, Inuyasha casually brought up his little excursion.

 

“Hey, you know what?”

 

Kagome stumbled as she was surprised by his sudden talkativeness. “What?”

 

“I ran into Sango and Miroku last night.” He let the bait sit as she continued her sweeping.

 

“Oh?” she said, only half-curious.

 

He remained silent, knowing that eventually, the old, chatty Kagome would peek out.

 

It took a few minutes; she was fighting the urge to ask.

 

“How are they?”

 

Inuyasha grinned triumphantly. Luckily he was in a tree, and he would have more than enough time to hide his mirth if she were to look - she didn't move very quickly these days. “Miroku's happy, I guess. Sango is getting big.”

 

He watched as Kagome paused on the steps. Her hands were wringing the handle of the broom, and he was sure she was going to get splinters if she kept it up. He jumped down to still her hands.

 

She looked up once her hands were in his. He would have thought she would have shied from his touch, but she almost seemed bewildered, as if she thought no one would ever touch her again, let alone in such an intimate manner. He looked down at her hands, which were both rough from months of relentless work and bony from her body eating up whatever meager stores of fat she had had before everything happened.

 

When his eyes locked with hers, he sealed the deal. It was now or never. “She misses you,” he lied.

 

Well, it wasn't so much a lie as his pushing things his way. He was positive that Sango indeed missed her friend, it was just that he hadn't heard it directly from her. But Miroku had probably already completed his side of the plan and might be waiting…

 

“I… I can't…” She looked down at her feet.

 

He pulled her chin up to look into his eyes. She wouldn't go back into this self-loathing spiral. He wouldn't let her. But he also knew that Kagome was not the type you could give orders to.

 

“Why not?” he asked as gently as possible.

 

She sighed, and he could see that she seemed to be asking herself the same question. He watched as she deliberated, turned away from the idea, and wavered… And then, she caved.

 

“I guess… it couldn't hurt…”

 

“If you want, we don't have to go anywhere. It'll just be me, you, Miroku, and Sango at the well. How does that sound?”

 

She seemed to brighten a bit. “That's all?”

 

“Anyone you want to add?” he added, thinking she might want to see Shippou.

 

Her eyes fell a bit, but they hardened. “No, not yet.”

 

And there was the hope he had wished for - yet. That little word carried with it everything he had worked for. Today, just the four of them at the well. Soon, maybe Kaede and Shippou and Rin. Later, maybe into the village. Maybe she would even come back…

 

“Okay,” he said.

 

He swung an arm over her shoulder and they started back up the stairs. He wanted very badly to carry her - she was so very weak now - but he had tried once a few months ago and she had become… difficult. So he was very careful around her now.

 

She started to protest. “But Inuyasha… now? I mean, I have to finish the stairs!”

 

He rolled his eyes. “Kagome, you clean those damn stairs every damn day. They're so clean your king or emperor or whatever could eat off them.”

 

Kagome laughed weakly. It was still humorous to her that he knew so little about this time and yet he kept coming back.

 

He made her wear jeans - actually, he had rushed into her room and threw them at her under the ruse that he needed to do something back in the Feudal Era - so that her friends wouldn't be as surprised when they saw her. As it was, her skirts practically fell off her hips and showed her too-thin legs. If it had been under better circumstances, he would have joked with her and called her `chicken-legs'.

 

She changed quickly and they were only stopped by her mother on the way through the kitchen.

 

“Going out, you two?” She was hoping it was a date, but also knew her daughter better than that - Kagome was very much like herself - and figured they had to run an errand. “I wasn't aware I needed anything…” Kagome's favorite excuse to miss a meal was to find something they were low on - ramen, udon, or soba noodles, eggs, meat, daikon, leeks - and scurry out to buy them before her mother could protest.

 

“Just for a walk, mama,” Kagome told her.

 

Indeed, she wasn't bringing her purse, and she didn't seem overly dressed… As a matter of fact, she was grateful to whatever gods had dressed her in the concealing clothes. She hated seeing the bones jutting from her daughter's skin.

 

“Okay,” she said as brightly as she could.

 

The two left, then ducked to the left when they were outside, going towards the well house. They managed to get there quickly, and were back in the Feudal Era in just a few minutes.

 

About ten minutes after they had left, Kagome's mom was preparing lunch for the rest of the family when she heard a noise and turned to the door. She was surprised to see him, but it didn't cover up her hatred. She glared at him, her chocolate eyes boring into his brilliant gold.

 

“I hope you're happy,” she said in the most menacing voice she could muster.

 

“It was why I warned you so long ago,” he told her, his ocher eyes softening for a moment, looking contrite. And then he was gone.

 

~~~~~%~~@

 

Once they were on the other side, Inuyasha gripped Kagome around the waist and jumped quickly out and onto the new, fresh grass. The smells of spring were so much more potent here, and it reminded her of so many starry nights spent around a campfire. She was suddenly hit with nostalgia, and she longed to see her friends even more than ever.

 

They didn't have to wait long. The sun was high overhead - noon - and Inuyasha's ears pricked at the sound of the oncoming couple.

 

They were laughing as they wound through the trees, the path taking them past Goshinboku. And then they were breaking through the little clearing that housed the well. Remembering where they were, the monk and demon slayer turned to the well to find Inuyasha and…

 

Well, something that looked like Kagome. Like a shell of Kagome.

 

They tried to hide it, but it was such a shock. To see her, frail and delicate, her cheekbones pronounced and her hair limp with malnourishment. And Miroku could tell that her holy powers were wavering as well. Her powers should get stronger as she got older, not weaker. Her aura was as when Maghastsui had sealed her; it was flaring weakly, almost gone. And that was cause for alarm - if her powers were dying, so was she.

 

Sango was affected the most - to see her best friend, her sister in ways - and in her pregnant, emotional state, couldn't help the tears that rolled down her face.

 

It was such a shock to Kagome to see the ever strong Sango crying that she didn't realize why she was doing so. And then she saw the barely-hidden concern in Miroku's expression and knew. Suddenly, Kagome couldn't breathe. She was hyperventilating… of their own accord, her lungs were desperately trying to bring in as much air as possible. Her eyes started to become blurry with tears, and her hands shook with the force of it all. There was a tingle in the tips of her fingers - not her powers, but something else… She felt restless, and wanted to run, even though she was suddenly so tired and wanted to curl in a ball and cry herself to sleep.

 

Inuyasha had hoped this wouldn't happen; he had warned Miroku of her state for a reason, but he could see how it would be a shock to see Kagome like this. It was stunning to him that Sango had broke down, though. He wondered if it was a female thing. Wrapping his arms around her, he could feel Kagome's sudden weariness. She exuded pain from every pore, but she was also wound up. Her heart was thumping erratically, although her breathing was starting to slow a little.

 

After she was hidden from their view, Sango thought she could handle it a little better. “Kagome, I missed you so much…”

 

And Kagome started to cry harder. She wailed, and Inuyasha stroked her hair. He gave Sango a look, and she nodded, controlling herself. In a few minutes, although she was still feeling very anxious, she was soothed and let go of the hanyou. He wiped her face, and she was embarrassed. She peeked around him and Sango was smiling at her. It looked like a pity smile that her friend was trying desperately to turn into a genuine smile.

 

Well, might as well get this over with.

 

She approached the pregnant woman tentatively and tried to smile, and was surprised when Sango brought her in for a big hug. And all at once, she felt better. Not whole, but better. Sango giggled in her ear, and then Kagome was laughing too. Soon, Miroku joined in, happy to hear the girls having fun. Inuyasha looked at them all like they were crazy.

 

They stayed on safe topics - how Shippou was doing, had anyone heard from Kouga yet?, how the pregnancy was going, the village gossip - but soon there was nothing left to talk about that didn't involve something Kagome would not be able to hear without breaking down. They couldn't talk about Rin - or Kohaku, by extension, since the two were now betrothed, although the wedding wouldn't be until at least after Sango had had her baby - and they obviously couldn't talk about what had happened, so when there was nothing left, Sango politely excused herself on the pretense that she had to relieve herself. Of course Miroku joined her, and they said their farewells.

 

“Oh, Kagome, I'm going to miss you,” Sango said, already becoming emotional.

 

Kagome giggled. “My, you're emotional now, Sango.”

 

“What, you're not going to miss me?” she asked, false anger in her voice.

 

“Of course! But I won't miss the mood swings,” Kagome joked.

 

Inuyasha watched interestedly. She already seemed lighter. A little brighter. The question was, how long would it last?

 

“Kagome,” Miroku cooed, reaching for Kagome for his own hug, “you will come again, won't you?”

 

She hugged him fiercely. He hadn't always been the best man - with his lecherous and conning ways - but he was like a big brother. And she could always look to him for advice. He was full of wisdom and was always up for sharing it.

 

“Of course I will. Perhaps next time Shippou will come, too?”

 

At this, Inuyasha smiled. He had been hoping for this. “Anything you want,” he said.

 

It startled everyone a little; the hanyou had remained all but silent for the few hours they had been catching up.

 

Kagome grinned. It wasn't the old Kagome grin; this was a little sadder, not as innocent. But she truly was happier for the moment, and for this, they were all very grateful.

 

Finally, they all bid to see each other soon, and the young couple walked back through the trees. Later, when they were alone in their home, Sango would cry over the state her sister was in, and her husband would console her. And he was very, very thankful that he wasn't Inuyasha. He wouldn't know what to do. And he wasn't sure if his hanyou friend knew what shape Kagome was really in. And that made him even more appreciative that he and his wife could not pass through the well.

 

~~~~~%~~@

 

Back at home, Kagome's mood was lifted slightly. She didn't go straight to her room as usual. She stayed to talk to a wary Souta on their living room couch, since he was home from school. He was so shocked he forgot to be angry that she was keeping him from his anime.

 

Inuyasha had been suspicious as soon as he arrived in the future. Something was off, and Kagome's mother had something to do with it. He had smelled the stench before, and usually avoided the area when he could. But he had no choice, Kagome would be suspicious if he left her to enter through the bedroom.

 

Mrs. Higurashi was late cooking dinner when they walked in; she had finished bleaching half the shrine only an hour ago. She was keen to Inuyasha's sensitive nose and had to make sure he wouldn't know of her visitor. She was quite relieved to see that Kagome looked refreshed. Not really better, but at least it seemed her burden wasn't as heavy. She didn't get to dwell on it very long, for Inuyasha had approached her.

 

He glanced at Kagome's head - only half of the back of her head was visible from here - and deemed it safe. “What's going on?” he asked, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

 

“What do you mean, Inuyasha?” the older woman asked sweetly.

 

“Why does it smell like… that stuff everywhere?” His eyes were beady as they tightened further.

 

“I do it every once in a while, why do you ask?”

 

“You don't usually use so much of it,” he said, still not trusting her.

 

“It's a very thorough cleaner, Inuyasha. It disinfects, and it whitens, and…”

 

“And it covers up scents,” he said, his eyes mere slits now.

 

She laughed. “Well, I'm so sorry it's uncomfortable for you, dear. I'll try to warn you next time.”

 

“Next time you decide to use it on the entire shrine?” he questioned dubiously.

 

“Well, I didn't use it on the whole shrine,” she attempted in her defense.

 

“The dirt outside the door?” he asked, an eyebrow high into his bangs, daring her to deny it.

 

She laughed again. “It's a well-travelled area, Inuyasha.” In a last attempt to change the subject, she looked at the back of Kagome's head and Inuyasha's gaze followed. Then she looked at him again. “She looks a little… lighter.”

 

Inuyasha smiled dimly. “I took her over there,” he stated, not needing to clarify.

 

There was a gasp before the older woman looked at him, aghast. “Inuyasha!” she cried in a hushed tone. She ignored his flattened ears and scowl. “How could you? After everything!”

 

“Listen, woman, it wasn't a big deal,” he told her, trying to placate her. “We stayed by the well, and it was just Sango and Miroku. She was happy to see them. That's why I arranged it. And look at her now.” He gestured towards the raven-haired woman, as if to prove to her mother that he was right.

 

But she had to admit, he had a point.

 

“Well, yes. She looks… better, I guess. Just… please be careful, Inuyasha. I've protected her as well as I'm able, but… I don't know. Just… please.”

 

He knew the haunted look in her eyes and understood her pleading, so he let it go, returning to Kagome and plopping down on the other side of Souta.

 

Half an hour later, when Kagome realized that dinner was running later than usual, she returned to the kitchen and helped her mother cook, something she had not done since she had been back for good. Counting her blessings, her mother simply acted like it was completely normal and Kagome ate a little more heartily when they all sat down together.

 

That night, when Kagome was finally alone in her room, the loneliness began to creep through her, and when Inuyasha crept into her window - his nightly routine, as Kagome's mother assumed he went back to the Feudal Era to sleep - he found her rocking, her arms wrapped around her knees, on the bed. She wasn't crying, but he didn't want her to fall back into the depression, so he sat on her bed, pulled her into his lap, and held her.

 

It wasn't at all uncomfortable for Kagome. She would have thought it would have disturbed her, since Sessh - he, since he - had held her like this. But Inuyasha was smaller, his fire rat clothes were rougher, and of course he smelled different. Inuyasha was like the forest in summer to her - wild, warm, and open. Sessh - he, damn it. HE - smelled like freshly fallen snow. He was mysterious, untouchable, and had an awe about him.

 

But he was hard to think about, so Kagome tried to relax in Inuyasha's arms. She laid her head in the crook of Inuyasha's neck, and soon, she was asleep.

 

Inuyasha was at a crossroads. On the one hand, it might damage him so much more to stay with her. But then again, if he were to leave, she could slip back into her old routine. Was there ever a choice? With a sigh, Inuyasha laid down, holding the woman he loved and trying to calm his own frazzled nerves. He almost lost his nerve - so close, so close - when she snuggled deeper and her lips brushed against his neck, but he knew that he just couldn't do anything. Not right now. And to console himself, he told himself that if Kagome ever got better, if he thought she could handle it, he would act on his wishes. He wouldn't let her go a second time.