InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Birds and the Bees ❯ The Birds and the Bees ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or any of the publicly known characters, plot, etc. I'm just renting them from Rumiko Takahashi, Viz, etc. I do own the plot of this story and any original characters I've created. I will make no money from this fic; I write for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of my readers.

 

 

The Birds and the Bees

 

 

“Hey, Kagome-chan, how are you feeling?” Kagome, who was weeding in her garden, ever mindful of her slightly swollen belly, looked up and smiled at her friend. After two years of simply enjoying each other, she and Inuyasha had finally decided to start a family. Having gone through three pregnancies already, Sango had become her mentor for all things pregnancy-related. At the moment, the part-time taijiya, full-time mother was enjoying seeing her toes again. She and Miroku had agreed to wait until their four children were at least somewhat grown before having any more. The end result was that the monk was forbidden from indulging his still raging passion for his wife for a week or two every month. But he probably made up for it the rest of the time.

 

“Fine, Sango-chan. This morning was the first time in over a month that I didn't throw up after breakfast.”

 

“That's great, Kagome-chan! With me, once it stopped, it stopped for good. Have you seen Rin? Kaede-babaa is asking for her.”

 

Kagome smirked. “Yeah, I saw her.”

 

“Well, where is she?”

 

“With Sesshoumaru,” Kagome replied, trying to hold in her giggles.

 

“Alright, Kagome-chan. What's so funny?”

 

“Well…Sesshoumaru took Rin to explain to her the birds and the bees.” At Sango's blank look, Kagome realized that she wouldn't understand the modern expression. “The facts of life, Sango-chan, between a man and a woman…”

 

“WHAT?! He shouldn't be talking to her about that! That's a woman's job! It should have been one of us!”

 

“I tried to tell him that, but you know how stubborn he is. He said `this Sesshoumaru does not require aid from any of Inuyasha's wenches.'”

 

Sango's eyebrow twitched. “He'd better not have been referring to me. I'm nobody's `wench!'”

 

Kagome chuckled at her friend's irritation. “Well, I know you've been looking for an excuse to whip out hiraikotsu again.”

 

“I'll definitely do that. But what about Rin?” she asked, concerned.

 

“Don't worry, Sango! I'll talk to her afterwards, to give her the right perspective. Besides, how much damage could Sesshoumaru possibly do?”

 

“I guess…but why would he want to talk to her about that stuff?” Kagome shrugged. In the time she had been living in the village, Rin had matured into a very pretty 13-year old girl. But physically she was a late bloomer, so Kagome and Sango had decided to wait awhile to give her “the talk.” Apparently, they had waited too long.

 

“Who knows? Maybe he's taking his fatherly role seriously.”

 

Sango blanched. “I think I would have died of mortification if my father had talked to me about sex.”

 

“Yeah, but Sesshoumaru is really the only parental figure Rin has. She hasn't formed deep bonds with any of us. So maybe Sesshoumaru feels it's his responsibility? I don't really know; he's a very complicated man.”

 

“You can say that again. He's a baka, too.”

 

“Yep. The funny thing is that Inuyasha thinks he's still a virgin.”

 

“What? No way!”

 

“Well, think about it. Sesshoumaru doesn't have a mate, and we've never seen him with a woman. So it's at least possible that he's never been with a woman.”

 

“Hmmm…maybe that's why he's so uptight all the time.” Both girls shared a laugh at this, before another thought occurred to Sango.

 

“Where is Inuyasha, anyway? Come to think of it, I haven't seen Shippo all day either.”

 

“Inuyasha took Shippo out to give him `the talk.'”

 

Sango nodded. “That's probably a good idea. He's old enough, and he and Rin have taken a liking to each other. It's better they both find out at the same time. And at least we know Inuyasha's familiar with the subject,” Sango said, motioning to Kagome's belly with a suggestive grin.

 

“Sango-chan! He isn't giving Shippo pointers on how to please a woman!” Kagome retorted, blushing hotly. “He could probably write a book about that,” she added under her breath.

 

“What was that, Kagome-chan?”

 

“Nothing!” Chuckling, Sango took mercy on her companion and changed the subject.

 

“Boy, I would love to listen in and compare the conversations.”

 

“Yeah, they'll probably be completely different.”

 

 

 

 

Inuyasha cursed silently. Damn wench! Why do I have to do this? He knew that was a stupid question; he was the closest thing Shippo had to a father. But inwardly protesting his predicament made him feel a little better, and that was paramount now that he was actually in the woods, with the runt sitting pensively across from him. Though he really wasn't a runt anymore. Shippo came up past his waist now, having hit a major growth spurt last year, and was showing other signs of maturity as well. Like taking more than just a friendly interest in girls, and one girl in particular. Feh. Leave it to Shippo to pick the only girl in the village under the care of my asshole of a brother…

 

“Inuyasha?” the kit asked, getting impatient. “What are we doing out here?”

 

“Shut up, runt. Kagome told me to talk to you about something.”

 

“So why aren't you saying anything?”

 

“B-because!” Inuyasha paused, gathering his wits and reigning in his patience. “Look, Shippo. You remember how I used to tell you stuff like `I'll tell you when you're older,' or `you'll understand when you're older?'”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Well, it's time you understood what I meant.” Shippo sat straight up, giving the hanyou his full attention. His curiosity was peaked; he had wondered why his body had been reacting…differently around Rin lately. He felt strange, and hopefully now he was going to find out why.

 

“You know there are…differences between men and women, right?”

 

**

 

Sesshoumaru didn't second-guess himself often, but he was now. Now that he and a nervous young girl were actually sitting in a secluded clearing by a cascading waterfall, his pride didn't seem so important. I should have let Inuyasha's wench do this… But he would be damned if he went back now; that would be the equivalent of running away. And this Sesshoumaru never ran away.

 

“Rin.”

 

“Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama?”

 

“You know there are differences between men and women, correct?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Name several.”

 

“Um…”

 

“Do not be embarrassed, Rin. This Sesshoumaru is here to teach you about relations between men and women.”

 

“Ok…well, women have breasts and men don't.”

 

**

 

“Alright, runt. Anything else?”

 

“Uh…women bleed once per lunar cycle and men don't,” Shippo said.

 

Inuyasha nodded. “Do you know what that means?”

 

**

 

“It means that you are now capable of bearing a child, Rin.”

 

“I am?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“But…how would I get pregnant?”

 

Sesshoumaru would have gulped if he wasn't such a manly man. “I'll explain that in time. First, is there any other way in which men and women are physically different?”

 

**

 

“Come on, Shippo,” Inuyasha told the flushing kit. “You used to bathe with Kagome and Sango, so I know you know what I'm getting at.”

 

“Well…women don't have a penis.”

 

**

 

“Rin…what on earth is a hoohoodilly?”

 

“T-that thing that men have and women don't!”

 

Sesshoumaru felt a vein pop on his forehead. “Why don't we try calling it a penis.” Instantly Rin's face flamed, as if the mere mention of the word was enough to redirect every drop of blood in her body to her cheeks. “Say it, Rin.”

 

“Men have a p-p-penis.”

 

“Good. Now what do women have instead?”

 

**

 

“W-women have a cha-cha,” Shippo declared. Inuyasha nearly smashed his head against a tree. And we were doing so well…

 

“What the fuck is a cha-cha?!”

 

“Well what would you call it?!”

 

“I'd call it a vagina, Shippo. A va-gi-na.”

 

“Ok, ok, sorry…women have a v-v-vagina.”

 

“Don't worry about it, runt,” Inuyasha said, patting the kit on the head. “You're doing fine. Now, sometimes a man feels…attracted to a woman, and he wants to get close to her. When that happens…”

 

**

 

“…the man's penis will enlarge, and he will insert it into the woman's vagina.”

 

“So…he puts his hoohoodilly…”

 

**

 

“…into the woman's cha-cha?” Inuyasha sighed at Shippo's apparent inability to speak the word “vagina.” Oh, well, at least he seems to understand the basic concept.

 

“Yes,” he breathed, immensely relieved that this conversation was apparently over, as Shippo stood to leave. “Where'ya goin' runt?”

 

“To find Rin.”

 

**

 

“To find Shippo.”

 

**

 

The forest was silent for several seconds, before two deafening cries went up simultaneously at opposite ends of the vast woodland.

 

“WAIT!!!!”

 

 

A/N - let me disclaim myself by stating for the record that I am not advocating underage sex in this story. This fic was inspired by South Park Season 1 Episode 13, “Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut.” This part in particular:

 

(Eric is wondering who his father is)

Ms. Cartman: “Well, you see Eric, sometimes when a man and a woman are…attracted to each other, they want to be close to each other.”

Eric Cartman: “Uh-huh.”

Ms. Cartman: “And sometimes, the man puts his hoohoodilly in the woman's cha-cha.”

(long pause)

Eric: “So who put his hoohoodilly in your cha-cha?”

 

Inspiration sometimes comes from the strangest of places…