InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Botanist and the Beast ❯ Chapter 14: Crisis: Of Conscience, Claddagh’s, and Christmas ( Chapter 14 )

Disclaimer: Um, yeah fourteen chapters and I am now thoroughly sick of these things. I own nothing but Donella and her badass attitude. So sue me, but I ask you, if I had money would I really be writing fanfiction? ;S

 

The Botanist and the Beast

 

Chapter 14: Crisis: Of Conscience, Claddagh's, and Christmas

 

Dear Alice,

You still have not successfully recited `You Are Old, Father Williams' and I will not stand for your ignorance any longer. `You incessantly stand on your head' Indeed! I am writing the Queen next, your head may function better without the distraction of being attached to your body.

-The Caterpillar

 

I woke to the smell of clean sheets and hot rice pudding as Rin jumped onto the bed and quickly snuggled her icy body into my sanctuary. I gave a surprised shriek as her chilly feet made contact with a toasty leg. The child burst into uncontainable laughter. “You think that's funny, Hotaru?” I challenged with mock menace, but before she could reply my door flew open and both Sesshomaru's aura and his tense person were flung into my room at an accelerated rate. Rin and I sat up immediately, humor being replaced by apprehension as we simultaneously asked him worried questions.

 

“What is it?”

 

“Sesshomaru-sama, should Rin hide?”

 

It took him a long time to reply as he eyed me pensively, “Why did you cry out?”

 

The question caught me off guard and I fought to hold back my laughter, I gave Rin a mocking look and waved a scolding finger at her, “I apologize, Sesshomaru-sama, but my bed and my sleep were disturbed quite suddenly by this child-shaped iceberg. My exclamation was not meant to raise an alarm.” He gave Rin a prickly look and I noticed it was the first time I'd ever seen him without his armor. Wow, really nice! Bad thought, bad thought stop. I felt humor from my eaves droppers but no remarks were forthcoming as Sesshomaru sharply turned to leave. Impulsively I called, “Sesshomaru-sama, I'm sorry we disturbed you, though if you wish to join us for breakfast your attendance would not go amiss.” He gave me a disdainful look, “I know the fair isn't to your taste, but the company would be appreciated.” He gave me another drawn out look, and I felt a little panicked, Ok, I've now completely lost my mind, what it the world was I thinking? God now I wish he'd just leave.

 

“Indeed.” One word and it stunned me to my core as he claimed a chair at the small table. Rin gave me a mischievous look and bounded of the bed to take a seat next to him. Why do I feel like woman waiting for her execution? I cautiously slipped out of the warm blankets and grabbed the quilted robe I'd left by the bed. While I tied the garish scarlet and black garment on over my yukata, I suddenly wished I was anywhere else on earth. Jamaica's always nice, I thought savagely. Trying to make conversation I addressed the talkative child.

 

“I gather from the amazing smell of that porridge that Jaken didn't help you make it, Rin?” The child just giggled and shook her head while she shyly hid her face. Oh for crying out loud what is wrong with her? I tried again, “and where is the asinine anuran this morning?” I asked as I poured tea and offered the first dainty cup to Sesshomaru before pouring one for myself.

 

“I think he's still asleep, Donella-sama, he was awful weird after you went to bed last night and spent a reeeeeaaaally long time scrubbing the kitchen up.” I took a thoughtful sip on my tea as I considered the odd behavior. Sheesh maybe I should compliment him less often, the toad has a knack for going overboard, I sighed.

 

“He has been acting pretty crazy recently; maybe I should talk to him.” I murmured thoughtfully into my cup.

 

Rin gripped my arm earnestly and I had to scramble not to spill tea on her as she gazed up into my face, “Please don't, Donella-sama, he's being very helpful and if you talk to him he might stop.” I chuckled as I set my tea down while she pulled back her arm.

 

“Naughty little imp, even Jaken needs some consideration some times.” But I gave her a sly smile and a wink, “I'll let it be for a bit longer, but I'm afraid that Jaken being helpful is going to be worse that Jaken being disagreeable. If he doesn't snap out of it by the time we leave it may become a serious annoyance. Please, try to show him some mercy.”

 

“Sure thing, Boss!” She gave me a quick salute before breaking into hysterical laughter and planting an enthusiastic kiss on my cheek, “Thank you, Donella-sama! I'm going to go take Jaken some pudding for all his hard work!” She bounded from the room and with a sinking feeling; I realized I was alone with Sesshomaru. I gave a rueful shake of my head as I focused on my own pudding and not the close proximity of the beautiful yokai. The meal progressed with only the small sounds of my eating and infrequent, muted sipping noises from my companion to break the silence. When the pudding was gone I pushed the dishes away and refilled my teacup. Wordlessly Sesshomaru pushed his empty mug across to me and I refilled it before reclaiming my own.

 

“Would it be tremendously impertinent of me to ask where you went yesterday?” I asked, raising half lidded eyes over my cup to look at his face as I sipped my tea.

 

“You do not seem to be very repentant of you past insolence. I do not see why it would bother you over much at this juncture.” He replied smoothly.

 

I gave a small, good natured laugh, “I was not attempting to be reverent; I was merely shrouding my interest in the guise of courtesy.”

 

A corner of his mouth twitched upward in a shadow of a smile before he hid it behind his cup. When he spoke, he was expressionless once more, “I became aware of malevolent magic being used in the vicinity and left to investigate the source. That search led me back here.”

 

“The brigands and the witch,” I observed, sipping my tea.

 

He gave me a short nod, “Though they were not, evidently, a threat.”

 

“They seemed pretty threatening at the time.” I remarked irritably.

 

“You did not appear to be ill at ease, ningen.” I raised an eye brow. After all that crap yesterday he's back to name calling. “This Sesshomaru was in fact astonished by your poise.” Compliments from him this early in the morning could cause me to develop a heart condition.

 

I sighed and put my teacup down, “Thank you Sesshomaru-sama, but I do not feel I handled the situation very well.”

 

“Explain.” A small crease marred his forehead in puzzlement, but only someone who spent a lot of time around him would have noticed the unperceivable crease. I breathed an even heavier sigh.

 

“I really wish I could have avoided an altercation. I dislike participation in needless confrontations.”

 

“They destroyed several hitobito settlements and killed a number of innocents; even by jinrui standards their actions warranted death.” I was captivated by his eyes. Even though the rest of his face remained an inscrutable mask, his eyes were incredibly expressive, showing a wide range of philosophy. Just then they were clouded with puzzlement. So that's the key, eyes really are the window to the soul. I thought with satisfaction, and I felt a small measure of approval that I know came from my mamo.

 

“I don't disagree with you, Sesshomaru-sama, they were definitely monsters and if they had pushed the issue I would have killed them remorselessly. I'm glad, however, that I'm not the one that will have to dig their graves.”

 

Those animated gold orbs narrowed tightly, “You speak in circles, ningen. If you say you would have killed them without pity how then can you be glad they survived.”

 

I gave him a grim half-smile, “I do not regret that my hands are unstained by their blood, because I am not overly fond of killing. I am, however, not pleased they continue to live. I'm just glad I don't have to waste my energy removing their corpses from the courtyard.” His eyes widened a little at my words and then narrowed reflectively. Did I surprise you? I wondered, but there were no sighs and I busied myself with gathering the breakfast things back onto the tray.

 

He stood, “Your sword skills have improved; it is obvious to this Sesshomaru that you will no longer require luck to win most of your battles, Donella-san.” I faced him from my chair across the table, but mentally I was blown clear out of the stratosphere. I'm not sure if it was the unexpected praise or the use of my name for the second time in twenty-four hours, but my stomach did flip flops and my brain spun into the black void of space. Struggling for words I stood and reached for the teacup in his hand.

 

As he handed it to me our fingers brushed. I blushed furiously at the lurch my stomach gave and murmured awkwardly, “Ah, thank you, Sesshomaru-sama; I will regard that as a compliment.”

 

He made a wordless grunt in response as I placed the troublesome cup on the tray and watched him; waiting for him to leave. He lingered there for several moments; gazing back at me with an inscrutable expression in is vivid eyes. Then, as if compelled, he looked away and strolled from the room. Just when I think he's finally mellowing out, he finds new ways to be creepy and enigmatic.

 

I shook my head in confusion as I went about the onerous task of dressing myself for the day. At least I'm in the Sengoku Jidai and not the Edo period or I'd probably be reduced to dressing like a man to avoid all the complicated etiquette involved with tying my obi.

 

Aye, lass, `tisn't a bad idea, ye might try it out by asking that white haired pup if'n ye can try on his trews. Uacteran sniggered.

 

I snorted my disgust, If your going to waste your energy talking to me can it at least be mamo who does it? You're more pig than canine, seanathair. I was grateful when I didn't receive a response and indolently, I made my way down the hall to the common room in search of my companions.

 

To my surprise Sesshomaru was with them, idly watching Rin and Jaken as they decorated the walls and furniture with glee. I stood in the doorway for several moments, stunned by the festive air and thoughtfulness of my friends. A small Umbrella Pine was positioned to my right and evergreen boughs from the same species were ornamentally placed everywhere. Someone had also twisted the difficult wood into a large wreath which they then adorned with silk ribbon, children's toys, and Japanese Holly before positioning it on the far wall near the round hearth. Jaken was busy flitting about the room hanging Ume flowers and humming tunelessly. Sesshomaru noticed my arrival immediately, but he said nothing as I watched the proceedings raptly.

 

The previous year I'd used Chinese Tallow Berries in place of mistletoe and I was overwhelmed to see Rin scampering about with several branches of the waxy white berries; gleefully placing them over every framed opening in the room. Finally, she turned to hall entrance and seeing me, dropped her burden and rushed forward exclaiming, “Donella-sama! What do you think? It was Jaken-sama's idea, does it look chrissmassy?” The girl leapt at me. Catching her up into a hug I held her in my arms as I continued to study the room. At Rin's outburst Jaken had paused in his work and cowered expectantly by fire. Sesshomaru just continued to give me the same inscrutable look from his location in the corner.

 

We all remained in that pose for a long while as I fought my overwhelming emotions and the tears of joy filling my eyes. God, they really are something. I thought as the love I felt for this mismatched band of vagabonds threatened to send me into an undignified fit. “Don't you like it, Donella-sama?” Rin asked concern furrowing her brow and making her voice sound tiny and uncertain. I gave her a rough squeeze.

 

“No, Hotaru, I absolutely love it.” I whispered and Jaken visibly relaxed as he let out a long held breath.

 

“Then why were you so quiet, Donella-sama? You worried Rin.” Her uncertainty had melted into childish annoyance and I laughed shakily as I set her down.

 

“I was just thinking how very, very lucky I was that you found me in that cave, Hotaru.” I beep the child's nose and she giggled.

 

Jaken's shrill voice drew my attention to him, “Donella-sama, there are apples in the cold cellar, I am not sure if they are enough to make your cider, but I recall last years to be quite good.” He remarked sheepishly.

 

“Really, Jaken, because I recall a certain Kappa tell me last year that he'd experienced warm urine that tasted better.”

 

The toad blushed furiously as he bellowed, “Well perhaps I believe you will do better this year and wish to encourage you pathetic endeavors, woman!”

 

I beamed at him, “Well since you put it so nicely, toad, I suppose I will employ myself in the kitchen today attempting to improve my culinary skills. However, there are just a few items this room still needs to finish its festive adornment. I'll be right back.” I hurried to the weaving room and pulled out my first real gifts to my new family. Last year I gave Rin a hair ribbon and fed her and Jaken makeshift Christmas fare. This year I had a very well stocked castle's resources at my disposal and, in the weeks we had occupied the place, I'd put my free time to use creating several individual gifts for the quartette.

 

I stumbled back into the common room moments later with my arms laden with paper wrapped gifts and four hand sewn stockings. With three sets of eyes watching me curiously, I gently placed the load under the unembellished tree and then I took the stockings and positioned them on the wall with the wreath.

 

Sesshomaru's was first, a simple white silk creation. In red thread I had painstakingly embroidered is name in both English and kanji down the side and placed the beehive and flower pattern from his kimono on the toe. Little, silver bells adorned the opening of each stocking and they jiggled merrily as I hung them up. Mine was a dark almost black purple with burgundy trim and lettering, as well as the O'Conghaile family crest complete with knot work and snarling green dog on its toe. Jaken's was light brown with a bright green cuff; his name ran down the side in yellow lettering and a floating lily pad in sky blue water decked the bottom.

 

In the morning Jaken would unwrap his gifts to find a thickly quilted wool and fur blanket lined with soft green silk and a new leather/wool cloak for harsh weather. Sesshomaru's present was small next to the mountain of gifts for Rin, but it was all I could decide for him. The hand painted, claddagh pendant took two days to make, several failed molds and firings in the shiro's ancient kiln before, with a great deal of trepidation, I eventually at a piece I could string on a black silk cord.

 

Three of the stockings would be stuffed generically with nuts and dried fruit while special bars of cherry scented soap would be given to Rin and three digit gloves for Jaken. As special considerations I didn't bother putting food stuffs into Sesshomaru's stocking, only a hand written translation of “Beauty and the Beast”, though I was uncertain about its intelligibility or reception.

 

I had put the most thought and effort into Sesshomaru's gift and stocking, but Rin's consumed the most of my time. The orange and yellow quilting of her stocking made the green letters of her name and the snowy petals of the cherry blossoms at the toe glow as three fireflies swarmed around the festive bells on its cuff. In the paper wrapped packages that bore her name she would find a pair of winter boots, a douchuugi to match her kimono, a small backpack and five dolls resembling all of us. I'd cursed and bled over the two headed dragon and I had nightmares over Sesshomaru's reaction to his tiny silken double, but I could not bring myself to leave him out. Ah-Un would be graced with a new saddle blanket and the anticipation of everyone reactions to my offerings had me quite giddy.

 

“Donella-sama! They are beautiful! Look at the cute hotaru, and Rin loves her sakura flowers!” Rin proclaimed exaltedly as she immediately rubbed the soft fabric of the stocking between her fingers, Jaken seemed to be moved to brink of tears, though I was certain he didn't understand the significance of the ornament. Even Sesshomaru eyed his suspiciously as he ran an inquiring finger over the Latin letters, before aiming a pointed look in my direction.

 

“What do these symbols represent?” Great, he hates it.

 

I blushed, as a ball of anxiety tangled my intestines, “It is how your name would appear in my language, Sesshomaru-sama.” His eyes narrowed.

 

Gratefully Rin interrupted any further inquires, “Donella-sama! You made Rin presents, and their soft!” She declared squeezing the nearest package enthusiastically, “Can Rin open them? Please, please, please?” I laughed.

 

“I made gifts for everyone, Hotaru, but today isn't Christmas. You have to wait until tomorrow.” The girl gave me a rebellious look but nodded as she put the parcel back with its compatriots with a sluggishness born from longing.

 

“Why don't you help me prepare the sweets and cider for tomorrows feast? I'll let you clean the bowls.” I offered invitingly knowing her idea of `cleaning' was to use her fingers to remove all the batter.

 

“Sure thing, Boss!” She cried and bounded from the room in the direction of the kitchen. Laughing I made to follow her.

 

“Donella-sama,” Jaken's voice was rough with emotion and I gave him my full attention.

 

“Yes, Jaken?” I asked, agitated by the kappa's tone and Sesshomaru's movements as he returned to his corner station.

 

“Make a lot of those bricks you call cookies, we may have to use them to fuel the New Year bonfire.” I gave him a gentle cuff on his shoulder for the slight, but we were both smiling.

 

“Only if you do something about that tree, it looks naked, and find me some candles or something.” I remarked with faux severity as left him and perturbing master alone.

 

Late that night, Sesshomaru caught wearily filling stocking. “You should be sleeping, Donella-san.” I seriously thought about revoking my permission for him to use my name, it was far more disquieting to my emotional state than, ningen was.

 

“Adults aren't supposed to get much sleep on Christmas Eve, it's a tradition.” I replied with a smile as I replaced Rin's stocking and turned to look at him, but he was examining the now decorated tree.

 

“What is the purpose of this?”

 

“Ironically, a dead tree in your home is a symbol of hope, but frankly I think it's just a way to distract children from the temptation of presents.” I wandered to the table and poured myself some tea, but it had long since grown cold and had become bitter. I placed the pot and cups back on the tray as he asked.

 

“What do the branches and other rubbish represent?” I raised an eyebrow at his slighting words.

 

“Evergreen boughs are to keep evil at bay since Yule is the time of the Wild Hunt and to show that even in the depth of winter there is life. The holly is dear to the sidhe, symbolizes eternal life, and the Tallow berries are the closest thing I can find to mistletoe this far from home.” I smile over the recent memory of Rin antics over the ornament. She had ambushed Jaken and I under the bough several times throughout the day and the kappa was incensed over her giggling tricks. She'd even managed to press a kiss into Sesshomaru's palm once, to the yokai's complete astonishment. Only one berry left by the hall door, and six there to the kitchen. Though no one has tried climbing out the window yet Rin has been busy, poor Jaken. I chuckled softly.

 

“And what does it represent?” Sesshomaru pressed taking a seat next to me.

 

A recollection of my brother Matt popped absurdly into my head. I couldn't suppress my grin as I replied, “A trap.” He raised an inquisitive eyebrow and my smile broadened. “Tradition mandates that, unless you want to bring misfortune upon yourself, any two people caught under the mistletoe must kiss, and remove a berry from the decoration. If there are no berries left then the good fortune has been dispersed and the obligation is removed. However, if fruit remain at the end of the holiday, then they should be burned on the Yule fire to avoid the ire of the fairy folk.” I looked at the ornament reminiscently, “My brother always said it was an evil holiday trap, orchestrated by old ladies and girls to force him to have to kiss people like Aunt Katie and cousin May. He'd spend whole Christmases trying to avoid the rooms with mistletoe.” I gave a small chuckle at the memory of my poor brother at age nine being dragged, kicking and screaming under the mistletoe by Aunt Gertrude.

 

“Hmmm,” He replied thoughtfully, “So that his why Rin behaved in such an absurd manner.” He paused for a moment as his hand disappeared into his sleeve, “Tell me then, what is the meaning of this?” His hand flew out and placed something on the table. Looking down, I saw the claddagh I'd made lying on the polish wood between us.

 

I gave him a wry smile, “Well to begin with I would say it means Rin wasn't the one I should have been lecturing to about the virtues of patience.”

 

“This Sesshomaru does not have to abide by your meaningless directives, answer my question,” He replied with a disdainful sniff.

 

I rolled my eyes at him as I idly traced the crown, letting my touch wander down to one of the hands that held the heart aloft, Well their often exchanged by lovers to show affection or given as wedding gifts… I'm so glad I thought this through! “It's called a claddagh; each part represents a virtue. They are given as a token of,” I paused briefly in a struggle to find an innocuous word, “friendship.” Safe! Now I just have to get past the heart and I can go kick myself in the shelter and privacy of my own room, “The hands represent friendship, the heart: devotion. The crown signifies loyalty and nobility. If we were in my time I probably would have given you a CD and a book, but my resources were limited and I would have felt callous if I'd left you completely out of the festivities.” I let my hand curl around the ornament; Well I tried, “Though I admit it was a mediocre conception. If you don't care for such things I can always…” The speed at which the pendant was snatched from my loose fingers halted me.

 

“This Sesshomaru did not say he disliked the object, ningen. Do not presume.” He remarked frostily as the clay adornment disappeared somewhere up his sleeve. I'll take that as a positive reaction I guess.

 

Feeling a bit discomfited by the elation that one, small gesture of acceptance gave me, I struggled to change the subject, “May I ask how long you plan for us to wait here?” My nervous fingers worried the sleeve of my kimono, I watched them absentmindedly.

 

“The extreme cold of winter nights is unsuitable for Rin's fragile body. You will therefore remain here until spring.” His tone had the finality of an order and it made me look up at him sharply.

 

“So you expect us to meekly sit here while you continue to search for Naraku?” My tone was severe but he didn't seem to register my presumption as he calmly answered.

 

“I would expect a great deal more from you, ningen, but I have found that you would disregard such logical behavior. However, I do not see that you have much choice in this particular matter.” As smooth and passionless as a frozen pond, his words ignited mutiny in me.

 

“I'm not sure I should be listening to a lecture on logical behavior from a man who continues to pursue the same antagonist, with near fatal results, and never manages to gain anything by it.” His eyes narrowed dangerously.

 

“You presume too much, ningen, how dare you reproach this Sesshomaru.” His voice was a treacherous growl that sent a shiver through my body and made my hair stand on end.

 

Big bully, always relying on brute strength and intimidation, fuck you. I kept my voice calm when I replied, “I dare because no one else will; I dare because it's the reason Jaken worries himself sick, but you ignore him. I dare because Rin worships you like a god and I'm the one who's going to have to watch her fall to pieces when you get yourself killed to prove you aren't.”

 

“You believe I would be so easily defeated, ningen?” Anger flashed brightly in his eye.

 

“I believe I have seen you closer to it that I ever wish to and Byakuya is only a part of that abomination. I'm not certain why this means so much to you. Perhaps it's pride or honor or some need to prove you are stronger than he is, but if defeating Naraku could be done by brute strength alone you would have been finished with him already.” Hi eyes were beginning to take on a familiar evil glow but I pressed on with the memory of his weak, battered body fresh in my mind, “I'm not saying that you can't defeat Naraku, I believe with my entire being that you can, but not the way your going about it.” I angrily balled my hands into fists and glared into his menacing eyes, and snarled, “What frustrates me the most is I know you're smarter than that. You're smarter than him, but you keep chasing him around and playing his pathetic games instead of devising one of your own and I can't sit silently by and watch you kill yourself that way.” I choked on the emotion that had some how lodged themselves in my throat as I dashed the tears from my eyes with trembling hands. God! Why am I crying? I don't want to cry in front of him.

 

I averted my face and stood abruptly, intent on leaving him before I could make a bigger fool of myself, but his clawed hand shot out and retrained my wrist in a death grip. The contacted made me glare down at him, heedless of my tear stained appearance as I tugged uselessly on the captured limb. “Sit, ningen, there are things I would say to you.” He growled.

 

“I am sorry for that, Sesshomaru-sama, because I don't believe I am in a frame of mind to listen at the moment.” I gave another furious tug on my captured limb, but his grip was unyielding.

 

“You will listen, Donella-san.” The use of my name and the inexorable grasp on my wrist quelled my rebellion; I looked away sullenly as I sat.

 

“Since I have little choice in the matter, would you at least keep your admonishments brief, the sun will be up soon and I wish to bathe before the others wake.” Silently he turned my hand over and examined my callused palm; he loosened his hold on my extremity to cup the back of my hand in his large palm while he gently ran his thumb over the tough skin. A small tingle went through me at the unexpected touch and I tried to pull my hand away but his clutch tightened again as he looked to my angry, downcast face.

 

“The sun is still several hours from rising, ningen. Seeing as I have no intention of reprimanding you for your unacceptable behavior, I am certain you will have adequate time to bathe.” I stared at an embroidered flower on my obi and remained assiduously silent. He made an impatient noise and grabbing hold of my chin forced me to meet his icy gaze. It was a wonder than I didn't melt those frozen depth with the furnace of fury that burned from my own grief wracked orbs, he let his hand drop, but I continued to glower at him.

 

“Time is not measured by yokai the way it is by you ningen, a span of decades mean very little to my kind, but some events require an accurate accounting and are remembered. Five years ago, Naraku abducted Rin from my care thinking that I could be coerced into killing Inuyasha in exchange for her life. At that time she had only been following me for a few cycles of the moon, yet I had some how grown accustomed to her presence.” I broke in with a derisive snort; I think it was the tears and my own hurt dignity that made me lash out at him so vehemently.

 

“Please he wounded your pride by taking Rin and insulted you by his attempt at manipulation. I believe you have a soft spot for the girl now, but that's obviously from years of association not some passing fondness of a few months. I may be human, but I'm not foolish or sentimental enough to believe your vendetta against Naraku has to do with anyone else but you and you alone, Sesshomaru-sama. You insult my intelligence if you expect me to believe anything else.” His hand shot out and enclosing my jaw in an iron hard grip that forced me violently into silence. Wow, deja vu.

 

“Do not interrupt me again, ningen.” I kept my eyes steadily locked with his as, ironically, I felt my heart slowed and I grew calmer.

 

“Fine.” I retort dully. He loosened his fingers and withdrew his hand. I realized that he was no longer physically detaining me, but I decided not to test his patience and remained sitting as he continued.

 

“During that encounter, Naraku attempted to goad me several times into doing his bidding. The coward does not like to dirty his hands. Instead he manipulated a boy named Kohaku as well as his minion Kagura to do his will in an attempt to eliminate Inuyasha and absorb my own power.” I had heard the story from both Rin and Jaken, but the account Sesshomaru gave was more analytical, more detailed and in his defense, not very flattering of his own impetus. “You are right to say that I was initially motivated by anger and slighted honor, but as the years pass Naraku's malevolent existence has become intolerable and cost too much. I will be unable to continue my own endeavors until I see his end at my hands, but It has only been recently, with the introduction of you bauble, that I have been forced into these distracting skirmishes with his incarnation.” He took some time in the explanation of his search for Naraku's heart, and his plans to destroy it. It was like a light bulb had been turned on in my head. When he had been silent for a prolonged time I finally spoke dejectedly.

 

“If I hadn't come here you wouldn't have to play this cat and mouse game with Byakuya. Why in the world didn't you just leave me in the woods when you had the chance? Rin and Jaken's discontentedness over my absence would eventually fade, but my continued presence is nothing more than a liability to your mission.” I again felt the futility of my circumstances and the uselessness that had plagued me since my arrival. Folding my head to the table I murmured into my shielding arms, “How am I supposed to be of any assistance if I am the cause of so much hardship?” I felt a wordless comforting within me and knew my mamo was attempting to sooth my anxiety without wasting the energy of speech. I closed my eyes against more tears and breathed deeply.

 

“Baka, ningen, while it is true, your company is not required, and may have caused some minor difficulties in the past; there have been a number of occasions where you have proven yourself quite valuable. Though lacking in common sense, your courage in the face of adverse circumstances has also been of some small assistance. Also, since your last parting, it has become obvious to this Sesshomaru that your absence at this time would cause Jake and Rin to be more than discontent.” I lifted my head a little to see his vexed features, “In the time the kappa has been in my service I have never seen him in such an appalling state, I was almost forced to kill, him, again.” I chuckled at that. Initially it was the shock of his obvious attempt to comfort me that banished my grief, but then his reassurances had made me feel genuinely better. I gave him a limp smile that was incompletely concealed by the fall of my hair and I was glad that my sorrow wrecked appearance was obscured.

 

“A few days after my arm was injured in that fall, Jaken told me the story of how you, `tested' your sword. I believe he was attempting to reassure me that there are worse possible fates than a few bruises. Though I must admit, it was an appalling tale, Sesshomaru-sama.”

 

He made a pained noise, “Jaken speaks to freely. However, I have more effective methods of expel my dissatisfactions than abusing Jaken. Though, occasionally I will revert to by old practices, I do not believe you require me to apply the same measures to modify your unsuitable conduct.” I narrowed my eyes at him suspiciously. Leaning forward he gently pushed my hair back behind my ear and when I tried to hide behind my arms again I felt his index finger press my chin warningly. I stilled and when I spoke I felt the edge his incredibly sharp claw poised to break the skin at the slightest misstep.

 

One minute he's nice and the next he's reminding me I'm walking a razor's edge. God, grant me strength.

 

Hush child, he's nay gonna hurt ya. Donella's voice was a warning of its own and it annoyed me.

 

You hush; no one need's a peanut gallery at a time like this.

 

But do ya really grasp what sorta time this is? Uacteran's voice in my mind was mocking.

 

You, I really don't need right now! I scolded and they remained silent, but they had helped raise my ire towards the canine control freak holding me captive. “And what unsuitable manner am I displaying at this moment that requires this coercion, Sesshomaru-sama?”

 

“I will not have you hiding like a child while I speak to you, Donella-san. I would have you,” he paused for only a second. Through the emotional flutter the use of my name had caused within my person, I noted that he was having difficulty explaining himself, yet his voice remained as stoic as always, “look toward me, directly.” I frowned slightly at the odd statement, `I would have you look toward me, directly'? Why the hell can't he just come out and tell me what turbulence is rolling under the surface of that icy mask? Why must he leave me tilting at windmills with these obscure acts and indiscernible phrases?

 

My brows were still furrowed in confusion, but my answer was conciliatory, “As you like, Sesshomaru-sama.” His touch slid gently from my chin, almost caressingly, although I was certain he was incapable of such an intention.

 

“I will tolerate no more discussion of your leaving. You are,” again that slight, bewildering pause, “significant to this endeavor, Donella-san,” I opened my mouth to reply but the words were stuck behind an embarrassingly large yawn and I covered my mouth politely as I blushed. Thank God for small distractions.

 

“My apologies, Sesshomaru-sama, the hour is late and I am fatigued. Before my involuntary reaction to the time, I had intended to say that I will not broach the subject again until Naraku is dead. If that is what you wish.” I'm not certain what reaction I was expecting, but I know it was not the agitated scowl I received from him or his impatient, dismissive response.

 

“It will do, go bathe and take your rest, Donella-san, dawn approaches.” His tone was almost sullen. I nodded my acceptance, but his behavior puzzled me as I absently gathered the tea tray into my arms and made my way to the door. He got his way didn't he, what was he expecting me to say?

 

Gah, lass yer hopeless the man wanted ye to say ye'd stay.

 

Uacteran's exasperated exclamation annoyed me. I did say I'd stay!

 

Nay lass, Uacteran has it right ye dinna tell him what he needed ye ta.

 

And what is that? I demanded angrily as I reached the doorway, but my internal monologue ended as I struggled to slide the door open with my tray laden hands. The cups rattled lousily against the tea pot as I labored with the contraption and the juggled load. Ten Sesshomaru was next to me; sliding the door open, I gave him a shy smile. “Thank you, Sesshomaru-sama.”

 

I turned to go but he blocked my exit with his body, pressing me back into the door jamb. Startled and a bit frightened by the aggressive behavior; I was unprepared when he leaned forward and brushed my lips gently with his own. My brain went numb and my blood boiled in my veins as my heart tried to make a kamikaze dive from my chest. I felt my eyes go wide is astonishment as he drew back and reached above the frame to remove the last berry from its branch. “I do not believe I wish to risk misfortune from foreign magic, it is good that the enchantment has been dispelled now,” I still could not get my vocal cords to work or the jello between my ears to invent anything to say as, in a rustle of silk, he disappeared down the hall.

 

Authors Notes:

The Christmas episode! ;)Also classes start tomorrow so posts may slow down a bit, but I'll still be working on this, probably as much as my dissertation.So if you think it's slow just remember:so is what the peer review at the college is getting! ^ ^

Please bear with me I am only a second year student of the language:

Ningen: Human (individual person)

Hitobito: Humans (A group) (I think)

Jinrui: Humankind/Humanity

 

Thanks to all my readers and special thanks as always to Tootsiepop254: who listens when the plunnies attack.

 

Arveal:You have managed to hang in there and read loyally, even when I garble the English into incomprehensibility, Thank you so much!!! I hope the translation helps!

 

FeatherGriffin: Your cunning and eager reviews keep me not only on my toes, but fervently tapping away to continue the story, thank you.

 

Wandering Hitokiri and Tsubasa Kya: So Glad you like them! They make me giggle with glee to write.

 

Suki dah Turdle, sueariel, HikoCassidy, FaintlyAlarming, InuDstories, Inusbabe, inusrosebudforlife, JamminChick93613, moonprincess,  and all the rest: Thank you so muchfor your reviews. They're like crack, makes me all giggly and eager to tap at my keyboard until 4am. ^ ^ Please keep reading!