InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Closet ❯ Kikyo's Revenge ( Chapter 2 )

The Closet - Kikyo's Revenge

Disclaimer: Once again, we would like to remind you that this is all in the name of fun, and the defamation of Kikyo's character, and that we mean no offence to those of you who may be homosexual or bisexual. This isn't serious! If it were I'd be in way more trouble than I am now… I WILL clean my room eventually…

*Kagome and the gang are back in the Feudal era, free from Sota but burdened by Myoga once again…*

Myoga: But Inu-Yasha! Surely your brother Sessoumaru deserves more consideration than this!

*Inu-Yasha ignores Myoga as he walks through the forest, the thin canopy casting speckled shadows and thin beams of light. Kagome, Sango, Miroku, Shippo and Kirara follow leisurely, enjoying the shade and light breeze.*

Kagome: Inu-Yasha, maybe we should watch out for Sessoumaru… *giggling* he's really hurt that you broke his favourite breastplate!

Inu-Yasha: Wait! *Inu-Yasha stops abruptly after hearing a faint whisper. Signalling the others to be on the alert, Inu-Yasha heads cautiously toward the source of the noise. Inu-Yasha quickly leaps aside as an arrow speeds past his head at an alarming speed.* Kikyo…

Kikyo: *Laughing maliciously.* That's right Inu-Yasha; it's me, your love. I thought I'd come here to see you. I wanted to tell you the good news in person… I wanted to see you suffer.

Inu-Yasha: What are you talking about Kikyo?!

Kikyo: *In mocking tones.* Oh, I thought you would have heard by now… I have a new love. Kagura.

*GASPETH!! All present, excluding Kikyo of course, are shocked by this strange, and frankly disturbing, new piece of information.*

Inu-Yasha: You're- you mean you and- you're a-

Kikyo: I'M GAY! How hard is that to say?! Besides, Kagura and I have much more in common than you and I ever did, Inu-Yasha.

Inu-Yasha: Like what?!

Miroku: Isn't it obvious? They're both female homicidal psychopaths bent on destroying you.

Inu-Yasha: Oh…

Kikyo: *Angrily.* Stop it! This is MY chance to torture Inu-Yasha by playing with his emotions!! Stop trying to make it funny!!

*Kikyo's anger reaches dangerous levels as her own words have the adverse effects than she intended.*

Kikyo: IT ISN'T FUNNY!! STOP LAUGHING!!!

Kagome: SOMEone needs anger management…

Kikyo: *Unable to control her anger Kikyo flees, yelling as she exits:* I'll get you, Kagome! And your little DOG, too!

Inu-Yasha: HEY! I resent that!!

*Kagome and Sango lapse into fits of giggles as Miroku and Shippo stifle their mounting laughter at Inu-Yasha's indignation.*

Sango: *Recovering from the giggles.* Come on, we should be on our way. We don't want to linger here… It doesn't feel right.

Shippo: Yeah, especially since there are so many gay demons and dead people around.

*Koga appears swiftly from behind a large hill halting in front of Kagome*

Koga: Hey, Kagome.

Inu-Yasha: *Under his breath;* Speaking of dead and gay…

Koga: *Hearing an indistinct mutter from Inu-Yasha, Koga's anger flares.* What did you say, Mutt?!

Inu-Yasha: I said, I'm gonna kill you, you stinking bastard!

Koga: Oh yeah, Mutt?! You wouldn't last one second against me!

Kagome: SIT, BOY!

Inu-Yasha: *In pain, and anger* Ah! You Wench! Will you stop doing that?!

Kagome: Will you stop picking fights?! Um, hi, Koga…

Koga: Hey. I caught your scent. I thought I'd come over to see if you were still with this pathetic excuse for a mutt.

Inu-Yasha: Hey-

Kagome: SIT! Koga! Stop it! Inu-Yasha's not pathetic!! If anyone's pathetic, it's you! You can't take a hint! I don't like you! I like- I LOVE Inu-Yasha!!

Koga: But- Wait, Kagome-

Miroku: You heard Kagome. Go before we have to slay you.

*Koga huffs angrily and vanishes through the trees. Kagome apologizes and helps Inu-Yasha up.*

Kagome: Are you alright? I'm sorry; I just didn't want you fighting with Koga. I didn't want anyone to get hurt.

Sango: Now we really should be on our way. It's a long way to Jinenji's village.

Inu-Yasha: Remind me again why we're going back there?

Sango: Because that's where Naraku was last seen. We do have to kill him you know.

Inu-Yasha: I know! I want to kill him! But-

Miroku: But what? You have sworn to kill the demon Naraku, as we all have. You're not afraid to kill him are you?

Inu-Yasha: Of course not! It's just, I was thinking-

Kagura: That's new.

*All eyes turn quickly to Kagura.*

Shippo: *Raising his hand.* Who else didn't know Kagura was here??

Kagura: *Laughing condescendingly* So Inu-Yasha, Kikyo tells me she's already revealed her secret.

Shippo: And yours. No really, what do you see in her??

Kagura: Quiet you! I mean, SILENCE!! Only I may speak!

*All present, excluding Kagura, roll their eyes. Kirara seems to have magically gained the ability to do so.*

Kagura: That's better! So, I believe you've all heard that Kikyo is, in fact, a lesbian. What you don't know, is that I'M her lover!

Inu-Yasha: Sorry to burst your twisted little bubble, but we already know that.

Kagura: *With mounting anger.* Quiet!! I told you to be QUIET!!

Inu-Yasha: And you think we'd listen to you? You MUST be one of Naraku's incarnations. Only HE could be THAT stupid…

Kagura: Shut-up! SHUT-UP! SHUT-UP!! *Attempts to calm down and compose herself; does a crappy job.* Now, as I was trying to tell you, I'm also in love with another!

Inu-Yasha: Who, Kannnna?

Kagura: EW! No! She's my sister, you sick, twisted dog! It's your brother, Sessoumaru!

Inu-Yasha: *Bewildered.* But… He's a guy.

Shippo: Not really.

Kagura: I SAID SHUT-UP!!!

Sango: But wait, if Kagura loves Kikyo and Sessoumaru, then that means she-

Kagura: YES! I'm a bisexual!!

Inu-Yasha: Does Kikyo know about this?

Kagura: *At breaking point for crazy, angry incarnation lady.* Be quiet!! Of course Kikyo knows!! Why would I tell YOU first?!

Shippo: You do know that Sessoumaru doesn't "swing that way"?

Kagura: How dare you!! How dare you insinuate that my dear Fluffy is gay?!

*All present burst out laughing, excluding Kagura.*

Inu-Yasha, Kagome, Sango and Miroku: *Gasping for breath yet still laughing.* Fluffy?? *Laugh hysterically.*

*Something snaps and Kagura races off to regain her dignity, if that's possible.*

Kagome: Well, Miroku, you missed 2 more things that Kagura and Kikyo have in common; they both need anger management and they both run off when we humiliate them… Wow, can today get any weirder?

*DUN, DUN, DUN!!!*

Credits:

~Thank you Aeryn for your genius contribution of *DUN, DUN, DUN!!!*. Without you, the fic would go on forever!!

~Thanks Brain, for getting me through another chapter!! Especially since without you, I'd be dead! Like Kikyo! Stupid, dead, brainless Kikyo…

~Umm… Thanks to… my parents… for owning… a computer that doesn't use dial up and three working TVs. (Whose stupid cable went out right in the middle of Inu-Yasha last night!! *Gaspeth!!* The horror!!