InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Courtship of Kikyou ❯ The Courtship of Kikyou: Autumn ( Chapter 3 )

The Courtship of Kikyou

Chapter 3: Autumn

If the summer could be called cruel, it seemed the fall had earned the title 'sadistic'.

Inu-Yasha was seriously considering abandoning the lure of the Shikon no Tama for greener pastures. The hunting had gone sour, he was getting entirely sick of lake fish, and raiding the village for food was right out. Not because of any pesky, human morals - he'd taken what he needed from more then one village and laughed at their inept defense of their homes and stores.

He wouldn't raid this village because she was in it.

Having not set his eyes on the miko in a full lunar month had been a mixed blessing; he had seen his weakest night come and go, and still not even caught her scent in his woods. Ever since that night in his den, her hand on his cheek, her lips warming under his…

He'd run from her and she'd let him go. And he was fine with it being like that! Just peachy! That damned miko was nothing but trouble; this was probably some twisted version of playing with her prey, he decided. Eventually she'd go back to the back and forth, and they'd start up with the arrows and barbs once more, and everything would be normal again.

Then he could rob the village with the same disdain he'd had when robbing any other stupid human village.

Sitting atop the cliff that over-looked the road around the mountains, he watched as the villagers came down from the peaks with their harvest of lumber for the winter; they'd fell trees now for fire wood in the future, and they'd strengthen their miserable huts against the cold and the wet. He didn't care much for them, straining and sweating under the golden autumnal sun.

He didn't care about any of those miserable humans.

His stomach growled.

Inu-Yasha found he did care about eating something. The sooner he ate, the better off he would be.

Scrambling down the cliff, to the trees at the base, Inu-Yasha watched the villagers trail by in silence. They were unprotected out here, but he had no interest in them as prey. He certainly didn't want to dine on their flesh, and they had nothing edible on them, after working all day.

Leaving them to their toil, he bounded back toward the woods; only a few heard the rustle of his departure, the snap of branches as he bound through them.

He only heard the arrow whiz past his side when it ripped through his fire-rat haori and pinned his sleeve to a tree trunk.

Exit stopped most ungracefully, Inu-Yasha found his arm was no longer coming forward, and the haori held his whole upper body to the tree. He felt his feet slide under him, and fell flat on his face among the roots and the dirt.

"The fuck!?" he spat out, along with a mouthful of grit. Sitting up, he found the miko's arrow imbedded in his sleeve and deep into the wood of the tree he'd been pinned too. He jerked at it once, and snarled as he heard his sleeve rip. "Fuck!" he exclaimed again.

Hoping and praying that she wasn't coming for him now, he reached for the arrow. He grasped it solidly, and gave it a yank. It wiggled in the wood, but did not come free.

He gave it another pull, and a third. Each time, the arrowhead's bite on the wood was weakened, but he could hear her feet crunching the fallen leaves in the distance.

He desperately did not want to see her.

Defeat sank in when he realized she was visible between the naked branches.

Kikyou lowered her bow at her side; there was no arrow in hand, so he did not expect a sealing anytime soon. She merely looked at him impassively, her silence infuriating.

"What's the big idea?" Inu-Yasha snarled. "I didn't come near your damned village!"

"No, you didn't," she confirmed. "But you have not come to the village, or even across the lake, in the last month. I was curious as to why you had deigned to venture closer now, of all times."

"Better hunting on this side of the lake," Inu-Yasha answered tersely, though they both knew it was a lie. "I've picked the other side clean."

"I see." She said no more then that, and again the fury in him welled up.

"You've got your answer. Can I go now?" He demanded sulkily, before reaching up to wiggle the arrow again, loosening it enough so that he could draw it forth. Snapping the shaft like a twig, he turned his back to her, refusing to give her benefit of seeing him afraid of her and proving his intent to leave.

Kikyou only watched the display dispassionately. "Why are you staying here?" she asked.

"W-what do you mean, 'why'?" he blurted in response. "What sort of stupid question is that?"

She waved a hand toward the barren wood. "This place holds nothing for you. You do not live among us, and you've yet to bully your way into a home among the villagers. You could easily do so, live by intimidation and fear, among humans. If you wished." She paused, and then her eyes flickered with some dark thought. "Unless you're still waiting for me to falter in the defense of the Shikon no Tama."

"And what if I was?" Inu-Yasha retorted. "What if that's what I was after?"

"Then I would continue to humiliate you," she said without inflection. "You are strong for a hanyou, but still a very poor excuse for a youkai."

Whirling on her, Inu-Yasha felt his cheeks burn at her words. "Poor excuse?!" His hands were already fisted, and for the first time, he actually felt like hurting this woman. "I'm a strong youkai!"

"You are not youkai at all. You are hanyou," she reminded him with a firmness that betrayed a personal stake in his blood. "And I will not let you take the Shikon no Tama, just to have you burn away your human heart and become a monster."

Then and there, he swore he'd make her realize that she was never going to have him as a man.

"Just because you want to be a weak, soft human doesn't mean I want the same thing!" he snarled. "You're pathetic! You have strength and you want to cast it away! Is that what you want to be? One of those mewling, wretched women in the villages who stomp their feet in the mud at planting time and squeeze babies out?"

"No," she admitted with a disturbing clarity. "But I don't want to be alone anymore, either."

"You can't have both," Inu-Yasha said. "You'll either be a miko or you'll just be a brood mare for your village men." He rose to his full height now, leaning over her to make sure she understood he was the same as the men of her village. "If you want to be a damn birthing sow, then, go for it! I'm sure a few men will be pleased that the woman that defends them will fall on her back like a any other dirty bitch!"

He stopped there for a moment, just to catch his breath -- but the crack of her hand across his cheek definitely put him into stunned silence.

In all their time together, she'd never really harmed him. Each arrow that had flown had never done anything more then pierce his clothing. Her aim was simply that good, her precision that fine.

But the stinging that spread across his cheek with the welt her hand left behind, that hurt. It was a small thing, but it hurt.

Hand going to his cheek, he stared at her in complete bewilderment. She'd struck him. Struck him for being honest. If she wanted to be human, it meant being weak and dirty. It was the same in every village, he saw it in each place he'd ever traveled too. Weak and dirty.

Weak in a way he'd never stand to be.

"I see," he finally said, drawing away. "You just want a dream. You don't want the truth."

"I thought wanted you," she clarified, her voice preternaturally calm in the way only miko and scorned women could manage. "I can see, however, that you are correct. What I thought I saw in a moment of weakness does not exist."

"Not my fault," Inu-Yasha snarled. "I never asked for you to cling to me!"

"And I'm telling you," she said, "that you have till the count of five to go back to your side of the lake." Her bow was lifted, and her arrow drawn. She nocked it as he watched; leveling the shaft's head at his chest.

So short a distance, the arrow would easily go through him.

"One," Kikyou began quietly.

He backed up two steps.

"Two," her arm did not tremble.

He turned.

"Three." The string quivered tautly.

He gave in and ran.

The count was lost to the whistling wind, as he sped through the branches, counting on taking to the trees to hopefully block the arrow if she was serious about loosing it after him.

It was only when he was poling one of the boats across the lake that he realized that perhaps Kikyou had a point. There was nothing here for him, until he could become strong enough to best her, and win the Shikon no Tama...

A few months; he could return in the winter when the humans - their miko included - were weak and tired, starving and poor. Then he could easily capture his prize… and forget the miko of the Shikon no Tama.

Once the boat had been secured to the dock, he sprinted up to his cave, ducking within it's shadows to look about, his eyes adjusting to the dim light slowly.,

He'd made a good enough home here, he thought. It was warm. There was plentiful food during the summer, and if he had been smart, he might've thought to store for the coming cold months. But things would only get slimmer and slimmer, as the snow came and covered the ground. Competing with the village hunters would also be an annoyance; they would be a drain on his food supply, as they hunted in great numbers to feed their wives and their whelps.

But he liked it here. His bed was warm, his cave secure. It was the closest thing he'd had to a home in many years.

Putting a hand to the stone walls, he walked around the cave, up to the ledge where he had his bed, his paltry stores, and his fire pit. Heaving a sigh, he collapsed among the furs, wiggling under them as if they might protect him from the memories as well as the cold.

What I thought I saw in a moment of weakness does not exist.

What had she been looking for?

You and I are the same, Inu-Yasha. You too fight your humanity. That… is why I have not been able to kill you.

It had started then, he realized; in the earliest spring, when the grass was still a short carpet on the hill instead of up to his chest as it was now; he could still see her clearly, on the hill, her bow at her side.

Even then, she had been ready incase he turned on her. But she'd called to him anyway, despite the danger. So close, she knew he could have a slim chance of sliding his claws through her flesh before her arrow was nocked and drawn.

Burying his face in the heavy coverlet of fur, he tried not to think of her eyes, so dark and alone, at that moment… Or needy and wanting, in his arms, in this cave.

What I thought I saw…

"It isn't real," muttering darkly, he used those words as a shield against her eyes. "It isn't. I'm not some village man you can woo like that! I'm not!"

…in a moment of weakness...

"You are weak!" he told her-or perhaps himself-in the dark.

…does not exist.

He did not exist.

The realization stuck him, as he tangled his limbs in his furs, shouting his denials to empty air. If he didn't exist to her, who knew where he was? Did anyone know that he was alive? Did it matter if he lived or breathed?

Who that lived, cared for the hanyou Inu-Yasha?

It was a quandary he was not used to dealing with; such heavy thoughts were not his forte, so he certainly could divine no answer in the cracks and fungus on the cave ceiling, as he thought on those dark words.

If what she saw - him! - did not exist to her, anymore…

What was he now, anyway?

Is that why she had told him to leave? So she would not have even the slightest evidence of his existence? Of his refusal, of her shame?

Was she erasing that humanity she had reached for in that 'moment of weakness'?

His brows furrowed, and he quelled the hurt before it began.

"Fine!" he shouted to the cave walls. "Fine! I won't exist, then! I don't need you! I don't need you at all! You're nothing! Nothing but a damned miko!"

He leapt from the bed, all action! He didn't really have anything to gather now, leaving the furs where they lay. He filled in the fire pit he'd dug, and bounded down from the ledge, and didn't stop there. He bounded out into the cave mouth and headed back to the docks, untying the boat and poling across the water he'd just crossed but half an hour ago.

He wouldn't stay here, a ghost of some miko's weak, human desires! He would remind the world that he was here! He would rot in this stupid wood, outside that pitiful village!

He would never come back, he promised.

Never.