InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Demons Within Us ❯ Before the Dawn ( Chapter 20 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

InuYasha sat lifeless in his seat as he stared numbly out the window beside him. The sky outside was pitch black except for the flickers of light from the passing city that reflected in his dejected eyes. Eyes that should not have looked so dark and dead since only hours ago they had won the second competition. But InuYasha felt no pride for their accomplishment. He felt no joy. He felt… nothing. To him, it was a shallow victory. This whole endeavour was.

His pale yellow gaze flowed down to the sweeping terrain below his window, watching it pass by like a grey blue wave, vast and empty. He could feel the faint hum of the motion underneath the train and hear the subtle clacks of the wheels upon the tracks. He blinked tiredly.

Sesshomaru had surprised them with train tickets home. He said that they deserved at least that much for their win. Unfortunately the tickets were for the red eye train, leaving no time to hit the town to celebrate, even though he didn't have the heart for it. So here he sat, alone, waiting for the two hours to pass until they were back in Kyoto.

Home. A bitter twist soured deep within his gut at the thought. It was the last place he wanted to be and the one place he'd never be able to leave behind. The sight of the passing landscape heading toward said city quickly set him on edge.

InuYasha shifted his eyes from the outside world to look distractedly at the reflections on the window. The car he sat in was nearly empty. Very few took the midnight train it would seem. It felt… lonely. Normally he preferred being isolated but now it made him apprehensive, sending prickles of anxiety to nip softly at his flesh.

His gaze drifted slightly on the window to find the reflections of his scattered band, hoping to find comfort in familiar faces. He eased somewhat at seeing Miroku and Sango laying together on the seats further down the car. Their jackets were slumped haphazardly over their chests as they huddled against each other for comfort and warmth. They had made up sometime during the evening. The state of euphoria made forgiveness easier to give it would seem.

He watched their reflections for several moments before a slight tang of resentment flowed into his chest. They looked so content together. Amazing how that one thing they shared can make all their hurt go away.

He tore his gaze from the couple to look up a bit on the window to see further down the car. He could only just see Kouga's feet hanging over his chair. One sock was twisted slightly with a hole in the toe. The bassist looked dead to the world, pretty much how he was feeling right then.

InuYasha inhaled a soft sigh before allowing his eyes to travel around the car. A few other people he did not know sat in various rows, but their state of being were just the same as his friends. Whispers of soft mellowed breathing could be heard over the din of the train as all slept soundly. He felt he should be as well, especially after the last few days he had. Instead he felt weariness to a point of restlessness. Every time he had drifted off to sleep, all he could see was a blue-eyed angel that was always out of his reach. It was a constant dream of his that broke inside his head to a point where he didn't want to sleep anymore. Or couldn't.

His gaze continued to drift unconsciously around the car, searching. He couldn't find where Kagome was. He briefly gathered that she was asleep somewhere that he couldn't see from his vantage point. He bit back a disappointed frown before letting his eyes fall to the silver rim that held the window beside him in place. She must be so tired. They did have an eventful night after all.

Images of their winning trickled into his mind. Happy faces, proud smiles… unfathomable diamond eyes. He tried to blink the vision from his head.

His band had obviously been excited with each other when they heard the announcement. They had won with four other bands and within a few days they will be shipped off to China for the Battle of the Orient. But that didn't faze them much because they won in Japan. Even if they didn't make it past the third competition, they had record labels lining up to sign them on here. They had a future in Japan. They had money and fame….

But that wasn't good enough for him.

He wanted more.

He wanted out.

His honey eyes lifted from the metal rim to gaze bitterly at the outside world once more.

It looked cold. The blackness of the landscape flooded out everything as Tokyo passed from his sight into haunted emptiness. Out there, he could see nothing.

But out there was supposed everything. Beyond that darkness was a world he was once dying to conquer. Yet it no longer held power over him. He no longer felt the passion to seize it anymore. He had almost forgotten why he even wanted it.

When did it become like this? How did it become like this? How did this emptiness take over him? When did he care that it had?

He let out a faint sigh and watched his breath mist over the tinted glass. He gazed at the slight haze for a moment before he parted his lips and passed his warm breath over the cool window once more, watching the condensation form and then quickly evaporate. The icy blue colour of the film looked so sedately familiar. He numbly wiped the window clean with the back of his hand.

Kagome never even said anything after they won. She never even looked surprised as they went on stage to receive their glory. It was as if she knew they would win. Instead, she followed behind and looked at the band with her minute smile and fathomless gaze. How could one woman carry so much in her eyes and yet not one emotion was for herself?

In those eyes he recognized pride and joy. He also saw insurmountable anticipation but it was not for her. It was for them, her friends. She never even acknowledged her part in their victory. She didn't care that she was shoved in the back as they were congratulated. She didn't mind as she was passed over as others were asked how they felt. She didn't stop smiling as she hugged his friends to glow in their happiness. Not once did she accept anything for herself.

And all he could do was watch her in blank awe.

They had celebrated briefly back stage. Several people came up and took pictures, asked questions and waved articles in front of them to sign. But he ignored them all as he tried to watch where she was going, whom she was talking to and what she was feeling. Too many men came up and made her laugh or smile, sending sharp shards of pain ripping through him. Homicidal rage had burned in his throat at every advance and it took all he had not to ravish her in front of them to prove whom she belonged.

The urge felt so uncontrollable at times that he made it a point to stay away from her as she mingled, feeling too ashamed to feel for her in that way. Not to mention he was too afraid to see where it would lead if he ever dared to try, knowing it would eventually lead to defeat. Yet he was never too far away from her. Though the attentions given to her were agony, being near her gave him bitter relief.

Thankfully, Sesshomaru had walked up to them soon after to tell them they had a train to catch in three hours. So after a few more promos with some record label managers that his brother had set up, they were back at the hotel packing up. Well, the men were anyways. Then it was off to the train station for the trip home.

He never once had a moment alone with her after that. There was always someone there to keep them apart. Once they were on the train he lost sight of her completely as his friends scattered around the coach they climbed onto and eventually drifted off to sleep in their chosen seats.

So now here he sat in the furthest corner of the car wondering what to do. More importantly, what would he do when he got home? No doubt he'd have to meet up with Naraku and pay him what he owed. He was so close to paying off his dept. And with winning the competition, he was sure to finally settle the score he had taken on all those years ago. Now, he could finally make his own choices and not be controlled by the drug lord or his bitch.

Which would be true in a more perfect life.

InuYasha shut his eyes and leaned heavily on the window. He crossed his arms roughly against his chest as he tried to stifle the nagging dread that was seeping up through his subconscious with every mile that brought him closer to his reality. No matter what kind of life he'd try for, it would never stop him from being what he was.

Being a dealer was not a life you could easily get out of. You always owed for something, and if someone was fortunate enough to pay it off there was still blackmail. He seriously doubted Naraku would let him get out of this life so easily. The crime lord now had incentive. He'd never make it anywhere in a normal life if Naraku made it known he was linked to drugs and heavy crime. His life was owned and nothing he said or did changed that. His only hope was to reach some sort of deal. Maybe he could pay Naraku off in some fashion in order to live without this blood mark on his soul. Yet no matter what he paid in, he'd always have to pay more to buy his freedom. But he was willing to do so for the rest of his life if it meant even having a fraction of peace.

Peace. Even that felt impossible.

He would never find complete peace, even if he did bribe his way out, because there would always be the cravings. There would always be the need to get some drug pumped into him to calm the raging addiction he created.

InuYasha opened his eyes to look down at the slight shaking in his hands and fisted them tightly into his hold to control them. It was becoming harder and harder to ignore. Without something to keep his mind from it, the hunger would completely take control of him.

He was such a fucking fool. Only the dumbest dealers did their own shit and he was one of them. It was the only way to rid the guilt and hatred and self-loathing he felt over his actions. He had to make himself numb in order to carry out this job. He would never have it in him if he were sober. People had to be a certain type in order to peddle off poison to people who looked close enough to death as it was. And knowing it was because of him they were in that position made him feel all the more heartless.

He hated it. He hated the sight and smell of his buyers. He hated the rush and numbness of the drugs he took in order to stomach it all. And he hated himself most of all. What kind of person was he? How the hell did he come to this? He was so far from the man he wanted to be that he had lost sight of him completely.

Instead, he was a monster, destroying other people to make money for Naraku. He was putting his own fucked up life above so many others when he knew it wasn't a life worth saving. This was not even a life worth living. He doubted he even had a life.

But he had Perdition. His last saving grace. Perdition was his release, because he could be himself with no ties to the grave he created. It was when he sang that he felt alive again. And if Perdition was his rush for living, then the War of the Bands was his reason.

The thought of making a life where money and power would be his own consumed him. He put all he had in the band to make it the best, driven by the need to win. Money meant he could buy his life back. Power meant he could make his own destiny. The world was finally his to take and nothing was going to stand in his way.

Or so he had thought, until the night after the first competition.

He thought he had finally made it. He had thought his plan was fool proof. How little did he realize how deep his hell really was.

Kikyo had come with his reward. He had been craving a good hit for such a long time. Being around loving perfection tended to make him nervous. But with the cold bitch came a hard truth. Naraku wasn't going to let him go. Kikyo had laughed, asking him how he could possibly think otherwise. As a nobody, it would take his whole life to pay off his dept, and as a celebrity it would take his whole means to keep them quiet. No matter what life he chose, Naraku would always own him.

And he knew then he had no real choice. Naraku was his life.

`Look on the bright side, Inu Baby.' Kikyo told him. `You'll always have me.'

The urge to lie down and die right then and there in that dressing room never felt so strong. But death rarely comes for the willing. So he chose the one option that made sense. He'd take Perdition all the way through. Even if his life would never be free, his friends' would be. He could at least give them that. He no longer had hope for himself anymore. There was nothing left for him to strive for, since nothing would ever be his.

Then she came knocking on his door, with eyes so full of light and weightless joy. And it was at that moment he saw what he truly desired. He needed to have what she had. But with the life he was lost in he would never be able to grasp it for himself. Instead, he'd accept the next best thing: a woman who made him feel like none of it mattered. With one look, she made it all go away, even if it was for a brief moment. Therefore, he had decided to let her remain in her perfect world, so he could live vicariously through her in his own distant way. Her happiness, though it made him wary, also gave him comfort. He learned that her inner light was a constant beacon against his gloom. He wanted her to remain that way so he could have just a taste of what it could have been like if he never made all the wrong choices. Even though he could never have her, he'd keep her close by for as long as he was able.

She was the only thing that made him feel remotely human. The rest of him he was certain wasn't even real anymore. He was just a receptacle for every vice he had drowned in. Sad thing was, those vices were a lot easier to obtain compared to the one thing he really wanted.

InuYasha shut his eyes bitterly when he felt his nerves jolt painfully as a craving hit once more, harder and longer this time. He grimaced slightly as it sent sharp pangs in his head and hands. His body trembled at the wake of his calling addictions, begging him to find relief.

Fuck, he needed a break from all this. He was so goddamned tired and spent from it all. He just needed one more high to get him through. Oh, to have just one more hit would be heaven. The thought of finally being in Kyoto actually felt bearable if he could just get one fucking toke in. But that was hours away. He couldn't even have a damn smoke since the train was regulated against cigarettes. Damn Westernization! He was convinced the world was out to get him.

What he needed was a distraction from his growing aches, anything to get him through this ride before he reached his destination. But God would never be so kind to him. His head was already starting to spin and throb from the beginning signs of withdrawal. Damn, he just wanted something to get him through the next two hours. But what could possibly give him relief?

“InuYasha?” A soothing voice broke through his chaotic agony.

He opened his eyes slowly to look up at the most heavenly sight he'd ever hoped to see.

Kagome was looking down at him in deep concern before her eyes gentled into a soft gaze. She moved from the aisle to sit in the seat across from him and held out a large steaming cup. She smiled weakly.

“I saw that you were awake and thought you could use a cup of coffee.”

He blinked dumbly down at the beverage in front of him before automatically reaching for the cup.

“I wasn't sure if you liked cream or sugar in it, so I brought some extra just in case.” Kagome fiddled in her jacket pocket to bring out several packets of sugar and a few tiny containers of creamer. She lifted her hand out for him to take as many as he wanted, along with a small brown stir stick.

InuYasha silently placed his coffee in the cup holder in his seat before reaching for some packs of sugar. His fingers softly grazed over her warm hand and a jolt of cold fire hit his chest. He looked up quickly to see her flush as she smiled gently at him and he felt the air empty from his lungs. He swiftly sat back and stared down at his coffee as he poured the sugar in distractedly, swirling the drink around to dissolve the sweet powder. He wasn't about to risk reaching for the stir stick after that reaction.

“Where's yours?” He eventually asked gruffly, obviously noticing she didn't have any other cups in her hand.

“I don't like coffee very much. I'm more of a green tea person, but I wasn't in the mood for it.”

He looked up at her quickly before letting his eyes fall back down to his drink. “So you went and just got me a coffee for no reason?”

She shrugged slightly. “No offence, but you looked like you needed a pick me up.”

InuYasha felt a small smile form on his lips before he hid it in his paper cup as he sipped his drink. His body nearly shivered as the dark liquid coursed hotly down his throat and settled perfectly in his empty stomach. He felt his tension begin to ease before he chanced a glance at her in hidden appreciation. How did she always know what he needed?

Kagome smiled faintly to nothing in particular before looking over her shoulder at their band. “Everyone's asleep?”

InuYasha nodded before dipping back into his coffee. “I thought you were, too.”

Kagome turned back to him half-heartedly and shook her head. “I couldn't fall asleep tonight.” Her eyes slowly drifted to the window and looked out at the empty darkness. “Even if I tried.”

InuYasha lifted his eyes from over the rim of his coffee to silently study her. He briefly pondered what she meant but just assumed the excitement had gotten to her. Yet for some reason she looked distant. It only lasted for a moment before she sighed and turned back to him.

“Are you hungry?” She tilted her head slightly. “They're still serving in the dining car and Sesshomaru put meal tickets on our trip. Want to hit up on that?”

His sanity screamed at him to say no but everything else seemed to ignore it. He flicked his head to the door leading out and stood. “Might as well since he already paid for it. Lead the way.”

She smiled slightly at him and got up to head to the door. She looked over her shoulder a few times to make sure he was following as she led him to the dining car. Each time, her smile grew more relaxed and he felt his own muscles loosen up by the time they reached their destination.

Stepping into the dining car, he definitely did not regret his decision. The smells of various foods tangled with his appetite and his mouth began to water. When was the last time he ate anyways?

He followed Kagome to a corner table and deftly sat across from her. A young man came over to hand them menus and took their drink orders. With him gone, InuYasha began to feel anxious, realizing he was finally alone with her after all this time.

He uneasily flicked his eyes up at the quiet woman in front of him before casting his eyes down at his menu. The words seemed to jumble together since his attention was centred completely on her. He felt so lame. She was just a girl! He fucked more of them than he could count. He never had trouble being around them or picking one up on a whim. But with Kagome, he was as tongue tied as a teenager on his first date. She made him feel like a fucking virgin, double guessing everything he did in front of her. Should he say something? What the hell was he supposed to do?

Her voice nearly made him jump as she spoke to him.

“I'm going to go for the chicken rolls and steamed rice. Something small. How about you?”

He quickly looked up at her then flicked his gaze back over his menu before he shrugged. “I'll go with the same.” Why not? Not like he knew what else was on the menu.

Kagome nodded and smiled when the waiter brought their drinks. She ordered their meals and thanked him before he left. Letting out a soft sigh, she slowly drifted her eyes back at the man in front of her as he fiddled with his coffee cup. He looked edgy.

“Are you okay?” She asked quietly.

“Yeah.” InuYasha shrugged slightly and gulped back the remainder of his coffee. “Why wouldn't I be?”

“You didn't seem too happy after the competition.” She replied, tilting her head slightly as she watched him etch his initials onto the now empty cup.

InuYasha flashed his eyes up at her before quickly looking out the window beside them, disregarding the empty cup in his hands. He never bothered to respond.

“Want to talk about it?”

“About what?” He flipped a shoulder up indifferently as he searched the blackness outside. “I knew we would win. I'm not one to act all surprised and excited about it.”

“No.” Kagome smiled slightly before following his gaze out the window. “I suppose you wouldn't.”

Silence embedded between them before Kagome chuckled. “Well, you did look pretty animated during the spinning fight.”

InuYasha paled slightly but he kept his eyes out the window. He snorted. “Feh. Why do you think I cared about that?”

Kagome shrugged softly and flicked her secretive eyes at him then back out the window. “Maybe you didn't. But I heard you call out when that guy pushed me.”

He frowned and turned his cold golden eyes on her. “What makes you think I did? Everyone got pissed at that cheap shot.”

“I would recognize that growl anywhere.” Kagome fought a smile as she wrapped her hands around her bottled water. “And I am pretty sure that guy would never forget it. You gave him a pretty good scare.”

InuYasha wasn't sure to be embarrassed or proud. But catching the pleasure on Kagome's face at the thought, he opted for pride. He smirked. “Keh.”

Kagome let her smile grow as she continued to look out the window. “Yeah.”

InuYasha bit back a grin as he let his eyes roam over the objects on the table, enjoying the comfortable silence between them before the question in his head came tumbling out of his mouth. “How did you learn to do that anyways?”

Her head turned to regard him for a few moments before she smiled shyly. “I was in gymnastics for several years when I was a kid. Baton twirling was one of the first things you learned. Besides, a good drummer knows how to handle her sticks.”

A dark brow lifted as InuYasha took in her words. `Gymnastics… would explain her dexterity.' Visions of how many ways she could bend had his cock waking up and he was thankful that the waiter came up with their food.

He nearly shut his eyes at the smell of savoury chicken as his meal was placed in front of him. He only now realized he hadn't eaten since yesterday afternoon. His stomach rumbled in appreciation as he cut into his rolls and began eating with a vengeance. He looked up curiously when he heard a soft chuckle.

“What?” He stated gruffly though it didn't come off that way since his mouth was stuffed with food.

“Slow down.” Kagome shook her head. “It's not going anywhere, and you'll get a tummy ache eating that fast.”

InuYasha rolled his eyes and swallowed heavily. “I can handle myself just fine.”

“Yeah. But you eating fast makes me think you can't wait to finish and go.” Kagome's eyes twinkled in humour. “Are you that eager to get away from me?”

InuYasha's hand stopped halfway to his mouth as his eyes captured hers for a brief moment. Little did she know how far from the truth that really was. His mouth lifted in a wry grin. “Nah. You're not that bad.”

“Well, thank you.” Kagome mimicked his smirk before letting out a soft laugh. “I don't think you're that bad either.”

InuYasha quickly lowered his eyes to his plate to quell the contentment she created in him and wolfed down another chicken roll.

“At times.” Kagome bit back her grin before she took a small bit of her rice.

His eyes shot up to her before he shook his head in mock annoyance. “Whatever.” He cocked her a snide smirk, but began to eat at a much slower pace.

They ate in companionable silence for the remainder of the meal. InuYasha had just swigged back the last of his juice when he looked down at her nearly full plate. He frowned. “Why didn't you eat?”

Kagome prodded her now cold chicken roll before putting down her chopsticks. Her lips settled in an uneasy smile. “I'm not hungry to be honest.”

“Then why the hell did you order something if you weren't hungry?” He smirked, but his chest felt tight at the tired look on her face. This wasn't like her at all. Was she sick?

She sighed. “Don't worry about it. I'll pack it up and eat it tomorrow.” She looked up at him briefly before casting her eyes around the dining car. “Did you want any dessert?”

InuYasha smirk faded into a frown. The look in her eyes set him on edge. Something was wrong. Seriously wrong. Where was the happy spark? Where was the light and laughter? Where was the Kagome he was relying on? “What the fuck is up with you?”

Blue eyes shot up to meet yellow. Her expression shifted from worry, strain, exhaustion then finally sadness. She quickly blinked and the emotions were replaced by solemn grace and a small smile. “Nothing that should concern you. It's just a long night for me.”

InuYasha grimaced and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He had no idea she had the ability to feel those things. He couldn't help but feel he was responsible. He had been working her pretty hard these last few months. Maybe the stress had finally caught up with her. Maybe he should leave her alone for the next few days. That was the last thing he wanted to do, but could he really endure the fact he was the reason she looked so drained? He felt his heart fall in the pit of his stomach. Maybe it would be best to let her be alone. He subtly gazed around the dining car, wondering how quickly he could get back to his seat where he could be out of her sight.

“You want to know the truth?” She said sadly.

InuYasha fought back a cringe and slowly looked back at her. His eyes widened slightly at the timid expression on her face, masked by a gentle smile.

Kagome lowered her eyes to the table. “I didn't want to be alone, so I thought maybe… you could keep me company.” She reached for her water bottle and cut her nail through the paper label and began to tear her nail around the bottle. “If you don't mind.”

InuYasha watched as she fiddled with the bottle in front of her. Her words eventually clicked into place in his head, making his stomach flutter in sharp expectation. But something about all this didn't feel right. He looked up at her warily. “Why?”

A hint of a smile graced her lips. “Well, for starters, you were awake.”

He scowled in annoyance. It wasn't the answer he was hoping for. To be honest, he wasn't sure what answer he was looking for. She only wanted to talk to him because he was the only one awake? “Not at the rate this conversation is going. So if you got something to say then say it already.”

Kagome sighed and let the small smile fall from her lips. “Never mind. Don't worry about it.” She cast her eyes out the window. “We'll be home in a half hour or so.”

A slight chill coursed through InuYasha's body as he looked out the window to see the lights of Kyoto in the distance. He turned his gaze back on the girl in front of him and felt his chest grow cold at the sadness that echoed in her perfect eyes. This wasn't right. Where was the light? Where was the spark? This Kagome looked… faded. What the hell was her problem? She was going home to a loving family with lots of kids who no doubt adored her. She had a warm bed and friends and happy little stories, or whatever the fuck she shared, waiting for her. What the fuck did she have to feel sad about?

A bitter quake shuddered inside him as he felt his temper rise. What right did she have to feel sad? She didn't have a drug lord waiting for her to settle a score that was never hers, or had to go home to a drafty apartment with little to no food in the cupboards. She didn't have a hollow ache in her, nagging her every waking moment telling her that she was missing something wonderful that she could never have. And she didn't have the ripping need to feed that emptiness with a substance that was slowly killing her. She had no right to feel this way!

She was supposed to be perfect. She was supposed to always shine. She was supposed to be stronger than what life dealt. Not be the weak woman before him, succumbing to matters that barely touched the agony he went through every fucking day.

His lips trembled in anger but he quickly bit his tongue and stood, attempting to leave her presence before he did something he would regret.

“InuYasha?”

He unconsciously stopped, but kept his back to her.

He didn't think she'd respond until her soft voice washed over to him. “Do you think… you'd ever think more of me?”

Confusion seeped over his anger. He turned an ear towards her. “More?”

He could never think more of her. She was the ultimate. But not now. He couldn't even look at her now. She looked too… mortal. And amazingly enough, he couldn't think less of her either.

“Will you ever consider me a friend?” Her soft voice broke over him like a slap to the face.

He shut his eyes and lowered his head. Friend? If only it were that simple. The way he felt about her…. No lie he could create could ever change the fact. If he couldn't have her completely then he couldn't have her at all. To be her friend it would only tear him apart seeing her be the same damn thing with everyone else. He would be no different to her and he could never torture himself like that. At least with him pushing her away he'd save himself the grief.

He shook his head. “No, Kagome. You and I can never be friends.”

With that he walked away without looking back. But in his forgotten soul, he could see blue heavens closing in sorrow.

-+-

“Hello?”

“Did you watch it?” A smooth voice rippled through the cell phone.

Kikyo bit her ruby lips and looked around the crowded bar uneasily. “Parts of it.”

She could sense the evil leer of her employer through the phone. “Then you know we have another bonus coming our way.”

The dark eyed woman held in her shaky breath as she moved through the crowd. “So it would seem.”

“I want you to meet him at his apartment. Give him his usual `treat.' And tell him I want to speak with him.”

Kikyo was silent as she moved toward the back of the bar to hide in the shadows.

“Is there a problem, my pet?” His voice sounded like ice against her ear as she gripped her phone tighter.

Kikyo shut her eyes in fear. “No, sir, not at all. Just… hard to hear you in this crowd.”

“Then it would be wise to leave that whore house you are in and make your way over there. I want no more disruptions concerning my entitlement. I want him bound to me. Now go.”

Kikyo let her breath out as the dial tone rang through. She never told Naraku that InuYasha kicked her out and she knew for a fact he wasn't about to trust her with any shit she gave him any time soon. How the fuck was she going to meet up with that asshole to deliver the message? More directly, how was she going to get back at him for humiliating her?

Her eyes stretched up to look at a nearby television screen. Clips of the War of the Bands competition were being run. She had to admit, he did look delicious on that stage. Though it did unnerve her seeing the expression on his face when he looked at that drummer of his. The fucking minx had him hooked. Never in all the years she has known him had he ever looked at anyone with such longing. It was sickening.

Her eyes gleamed darkly. It was perfect. She knew he'd be suffering from withdrawal right about now, especially with the shit she was lacing in the drugs she was giving him. She also knew he'd be seeking anything to fight off the edge. They all do. Once he arrived back in Kyoto the first thing he'd do was make a few phone calls to get him off. And she knew exactly whom he'd call.

Dialling her phone quickly, she tilted her lips as a gruff voice answered on the third ring.

“Yes?”

“Hiten?”

The voice smoothed over like hot silk. “Kikyo. Long time, sweetheart. Are you calling for business… or pleasure?”

She rolled her eyes dispassionately. “A little bit of both, actually.”

“Oh?”

“You will be getting a call sometime soon and I want you to deliver something for me.”

“A call?” Hiten frowned. “From?”

“The Dog.” She spat bitterly.

“Really? Doesn't he usually get walked by you?”

“Used to.”

Hiten laughed coldly. “So the Dog finally ran away, huh? And I take it you want me to feed him?”

Kikyo smirked. “I have something special for him. Meet me at the Seventh Hell in a half hour. I'll give it to you there.”

“Not a problem, Babe.”

“And Hiten?”

“Yeah?” His voice made her shiver slightly.

“You didn't get this shit from me.”

“Understood.”

Kikyo hung up the phone and smiled darkly.

-+-

“Sango? Miroku?” Kagome whispered.

Twin pairs of exhausted eyes opened to see tired blue.

“Kagome?” Sango yawned, covering her mouth to hide her breath.

Miroku sat up and winced. He looked out the window and groaned at the lights of the approaching station. “Here already, huh?”

Kagome smiled and moved to the seat behind them to wake up Kouga, twiddling her finger in the hole of his sock to tickle his toe.

Miroku stretched as Sango packed up a few of their things. His grey eyes scanned the car before he dropped his arms. “Where's Yash?”

Kagome slumped in the chair across from him, followed by a very sedated Kouga. “I'm not sure. Maybe up where Sesshomaru is?”

“Pfft.” Kouga fought off a yawn and failed. “I seriously doubt that. Knowing Yash he probably snuck off for a smoke somewhere.”

Kagome lowered her eyes before turning to look out the window.

“You okay there, Kagome?” Sango searched her friend's form carefully.

Kagome smiled slightly and nodded, yet her eyes never wavered from the window. “I have a lot on my mind.”

“Want to talk about it?” Sango tilted her head slightly.

Kagome shifted her gaze to her friend and let out a soft smile. “Not tonight. Things will be fine after tomorrow's charity concert, I'm sure.”

“Oh, Kags.” Sango smiled in relief. “Is that all you are worried about? The way you go on those kids could even out do us. Don't even think about it. Besides, what was it you used to tell us? `Whatever happens, happens.' Things will settle out in their own time. And things have. With Perdition being a hit in Japan you shouldn't have to worry about funding the orphanage for some time.”

Kagome nodded and looked down. “Yeah.”

Kouga nudged her arm. “Besides, those kids won't be alone. We'll be there to root them on. So no worries. Everything will turn out.”

“I hope so. I'd hate for something bad to happen.”

“It won't.” Sango smiled and stretched. “We're your friends, Kags. We won't dump you if something goes wrong.”

Kagome lifted her eyes to look at each of them in saddened concern. “Promise?”

All three chuckled.

“Kagome, we would never forsake one of our own.” Sango placed her head on Miroku's shoulder. “No matter what happens.”

Kagome's shoulders relaxed visibly and her face looked a little more at ease. “So you will be at the Lakeshore at one?”

“We wouldn't miss it.” Miroku grinned and looked up. “Right, InuYasha?”

InuYasha scowled from where he stood in the aisle behind Kouga. “Says you. I have other shit to do tomorrow.”

Kagome turned to look up into his cold amber eyes and he stared down back at her in challenge. She quickly lowered her head and bit her lower lip.

Three angry faces turned to glare hard at the singer. He gave each of them an indifferent glance before nodding his head at the window. “We're here. Get your shit and let's go.”

He turned and walked away, leaving three concerned friends to look at a very tired and subdued Kagome. What the hell happened?

It was another half hour before they had their equipment loaded into their van and were ready to finally be dropped off at their respected homes. Kagome was about to hop into the van before she turned to look for InuYasha.

He was standing in the parking lot a few meters away, looking very agitated. He inhaled a drag of his smoke heavily as he paced, waiting for whomever to pick up on his cell phone. Kagome stepped away from the van and walked quietly over to him but stopped short at the look on his face when he saw her coming. He immediately clicked his phone shut and gave her an uncomfortable once over.

“Yeah?” He bit out, blowing out toxic smoke in the process while tossing his spent cigarette on the ground.

Kagome nearly flinched at his harsh tone and looked down briefly to gain her composure before casting her eyes up to meet his own scowling gaze. Anger and frustration filled every vein and she slowly stood tall in resolution, fisting her hands by her sides to keep her nerves steady. “I don't know what you think of me, InuYasha, but I hope what I'm about to say won't make your opinion of me any worse.”

InuYasha balked and backed up a step at the slight tilt of her chin and the fierce determination in her eyes. She looked kind of scary like that. Not at all like the timid girl he was used to. This kitten apparently had fangs.

“I may not be strong, or hard, or anything else you may respect, but I'm loyal and I'm trustworthy. And I….” Her voice broke and she lowered her head to gaze at the concrete before them. “I always mean what I say.”

She lifted her saddened eyes to look at him once more. “I may not matter much to you, InuYasha. And I may never have given you reason to believe in me. But I wanted you to know that I still believe in you.”

InuYasha quickly turned his head away uncomfortably and folded his hands into his jeans pockets, one hand gripping his forgotten cell phone like a stress ball. He was about ready to tune her out when her next words flushed over him like ice.

“But if you want me to leave you alone, I will.”

He shot his eyes to search her own and it felt as if his world was about to crash. “What?”

Kagome shook her head and lowered her eyes. “I won't leave Perdition. I'll stick it through for as long as you need me. But I won't force a friendship on you. I see how you look at me and the last thing I want is for you to feel that way.”

He felt cold and numb all over. She knew how he felt? He lowered his head. And she really didn't want him to feel that way about her? It was expected, but for some reason, he still hoped that maybe….

“I know that you don't like me very much.” She murmured. “So I will stay away.”

Air left his lungs in a rush but he couldn't tell if it was in relief or in anguish over how backward she had it.

“But I had hoped….”

He reluctantly lifted his eyes to watch her through his bangs.

“I had hoped that someday you would think differently about me.” She searched him with such hopeful tenderness that he could not help but lift his head to gaze into those heavenly eyes directly. She smiled softly at him. “I still do… have hope. And maybe someday you will think differently.”

InuYasha swallowed the bitter lump in his throat and looked away in discomfort. He couldn't bring himself to do much more than that.

Kagome studied him as he closed himself further off and nodded slightly to herself. She shrugged sedately before turning away with a sad smile on her lips. “I'll be there if you do.”

InuYasha watched on the sly as she walked over and climbed into the waiting van. He lowered his eyes back to the ground and his lips parted as his body expelled his pain in two simple words. “I know.”

Turning away, he grimaced as he felt his body tremble as the ache inside him doubled. It took all that he had to hold it together. How little did he know the impact her presence did to him. She had the potential to lift him from the darkest depths, and the power to plunge him back down. All from only a few choice words.

He began to pace once more as he lifted his cell phone from his pocket. His hands shook uncontrollably and he felt sick. He may have wanted her. She may have had the ability to keep his mind from his pain, but she did not deserve that kind of dependency. She was not an angel. She was not above the pain he would cause her. She couldn't know how to cope. He certainly didn't. It was better off she left him alone. She was just a little girl. He finally saw that. She worried about little things and little problems.

She could never handle what he was because she could never understand where he was coming from. Or why he had to do what he was about to do. He sighed as the phone clicked on the other end.

“Yes?”

“Hiten? I need a favour.”

-+-

A/N: Another chapter. Sorry for the wait. I am back at work now. The next one will be better, and hopefully quicker.

Once again I want to give special thanks to my beta. Even though she was on vacation, she still managed to humour me and look over my chapter. And thanks for all the great reviews. You really make my days go by better! Thank you for sticking with me through all the ups and downs.

Oh! BlackMamba07… I accidentally deleted your review when I went to respond to it! I am so sorry! But I appreciate you took the time to tell me what you thought and sorry I didn't get to thank you properly.

And thank you for all of those who have been reading Demons Within Us. I hope you have been enjoying the story, and continue with me to see it to its end.

Peace!

WDW