InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Demons Within Us ❯ Fallen Grace ( Chapter 28 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

“Okay, you're killing me here. Spill it!”

Kagome jolted out of her musings to flash startled eyes up at Sango. “What?”

Sango rolled her eyes and smirked as the make-up artist dallied with finishing touches on her face. Perdition had arrived early at the studio where Sesshomaru instructed for their photo ops, only to be accosted by several people paid to get them ready. Three mirrors lined the wall where the two women were sitting as they were prepped for their photo shoot. Behind them a barrage of swearing could be heard as the men were also given the same treatment in the joint room beyond. Ignoring a rather loud cuss from InuYasha, Sango continued.

“You've been going around with that dopey grin on your face, not to mention I've asked you three times to hand over my coffee. So tell me what happened.”

“I don't know what you're talking about.” Kagome blushed as she handed over the hot beverage and turned to look back at her mirror, trying to act indifferent. She watched blindly as a petite man brushed her long hair into silken waves behind her back but her mind was thinking about last night. She tried hard to stifle her smile but it kept erupting.

Sango's smirk turned into a wicked grin and she slid off her chair to lean close to Kagome's face. “Did you and InuYasha…?”

Kagome's eyes widened and she whipped her eyes at Sango's reflection as what she was asking dawned on her. “No!” She looked sheepishly away. “Well, not really. Last night, we just… sort of…” her voice lowered shyly, “kissed.”

Sango couldn't contain her glee as she grabbed her chair and scraped it right beside Kagome's. “Tell me everything.”

A nervous but happy laugh leapt out of her lips and Kagome shook her head. “To be honest, I don't know how it happened.” Her smile softened as she relayed her memory to Sango, blushing faintly as she drew towards the end. “We ran for cover under the terrace and just watched as the rain fell. I remember being so cold, until he held me tight to keep me warm. I never felt that way before with anyone. And when I looked up at him… we just… it was just….” She sighed as she turned to look at her friend, her blue depths swirling in exhilaration. “It was perfect.”

“And?” Sango's chocolate eyes danced with eagerness.

“And?” Kagome teased and looked back to her reflection as the stylist finished up.

“What happens now?”

Kagome opened her mouth and stopped. She didn't honestly know. Even though they shared an amazing kiss, it didn't mean they were in a relationship. In fact, InuYasha had not even said a word to her ever since they arrived this morning. She caught a few glimpses from him now and then, but then again, it was such a mad rush getting ready that they never had time for anything else. Yet, as much as last night had meant to her, she couldn't help but wonder now just what it was for him. Was it `something' or was it another game? The very idea made her heart pound painfully and her smile faded into a small frown.

Before Sango could prod, the waspish coordinator with her dark hair tied tightly in a bun came clicking over to them with the three guys in tow.

“We have only twenty minutes until the photographer is ready,” her Norwegian accent was clipped and to the point. “That gives you enough time to dress in your outfits set up over there in the far corner. Enrique will help you with the fittings.” She turned and nearly bumped into InuYasha as he halted suddenly behind her. Her dark frown nearly matched that of Sesshomaru's and the singer instinctively backed up one step to let her pass.

InuYasha watched as she walked by him and gave her back a hateful glare as she strode briskly away. Growling low, he turned back to his band where his gaze automatically found Kagome. All vile thoughts evaporated as his breath left him in a painful rush, a common occurrence as of late. But at this moment it was particularly brutal since the make up artist had transformed the innocent kitten into a hardcore minx. Her blue eyes shot out from a rim of dark dusty eye shadow. Her mouth looked ripe beneath the moist gloss that seemed to be brimmed with sweetness as she smiled up at him. It took all he had not to rush over and crush his mouth on hers, ravishing her until he was completely sated.

Cringing in disgust over his thoughts, InuYasha quickly turned his head away. Shit, he didn't think being near her would be this hard. She had a hold on him he never realized was so strong, and he needed to break it before it got too far. He'd be damned if he caved to her just because of a damn smile and a sexy style. But oh fuck, did she ever look good. He stifled a groan as his aching body betrayed his dire need. Temptation was a cruel bitch.

Kagome was just as taken. As soon as InuYasha entered the room she was hard pressed to look away. She had always thought him handsome, and though the hunted look created by his stylist made him look desirable for the media, he was still the man she had fallen for. Being in his presence alone made her fall in love with him all over again. Kagome couldn't help but smile brightly when he looked over at her, feeling as if they were the only two people in the room. But it rapidly faded when he turned away in distaste, making her lips part in confused hurt. For a moment she was certain he was happy to see her, but then he seemed to actively disregard her. She never had a chance to question it further before Kouga cut him from her view.

“Fuck, that was brutal.” The bassist griped as he surveyed the dark make-up plastered around his eyes in the mirror, leaning in to dab at the paste.

“Oh, I don't know.” Miroku tightened his leather glove around his right hand. “It wasn't all bad.”

Kouga growled and turned his face sourly at his band mate. “That's because you had Trista. I had to deal with Attila the Hun.”

“Trista?” Sango frowned as she eyed her boyfriend.

His grey eyes drifted casually up her form and Sango nearly shivered at the sexy violet markings around his lids that brought the heated steel from its depths. Whoever Trista was, she did good work.

Miroku was going to tease her jealousy over the grandmother who played with his hair and gave him a cookie, but he got captured in the smouldering look of his vixen. How anyone could possibly compare to the fire and ice of his woman was beyond him. Taking in her sheer straight hair and pink highlights around her eyes, he bit his lower lip in want, making her body take notice and respond in kind. “Mmm, San. You have no worries. I see only one worthy of taking my….”

A deep cough brought Sesshomaru into focus as he stepped into their group, breaking the tense situations that surrounded the band. Looking up from his palm pilot, he frowned at no one in particular.

“Your promoters were gracious enough to set up this advertising campaign for you, and I am sure they will not be happy paying for more time than necessary. It would be prudent to get this done so that I may get paid.”

“What do you mean `you'? We get the endorsements for whatever Perdition is involved in.” InuYasha crossed his arms, but before Sesshomaru could retort he held up his hand and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. `Need I remind you how much Perdition fucks me in the ass.'” He stated in a mocking interpretation of his brother's voice.

His elder brother lifted a brow. “Obviously you were paraphrasing.”

“Obviously.” InuYasha snorted before he headed to the far corner where the outfits hung. “Let's get this shit over with.”

The rest of Perdition followed, wondering just what the promoters had in mind to post as their image. What lay there before them gave mixed results.

“What the hell is this?” Kouga held out a fur loincloth with matching leg muffs and sniffed it in disgust.

The rest of the band laughed and InuYasha held up a ragged leather strip and eyed it in confusion. “I hope they aren't expecting us to wear this shit.”

“Not you.” A short, fair man walked suddenly out the storeroom beside them and pulled the strip from InuYasha's grasp. He gave InuYasha a cold stare before he turned and put it against Kagome's chest, giving her a sly smirk. “Her.”

Kagome's laughing smile fell in stunned shock as she looked down at the only thing she could label as a belt. “Uh….”

InuYasha was just as stunned as he envisioned the kinky top barely covering Kagome's tits and the idea of seeing parts of her fleshy bulbs made his throat run dry. Fuck yeah!

“No way!” Kagome shoved the `top' away from her, her eyes widening in disbelief.

Enrique pursed his lips. “I'm sorry, my dear, but you have no other choice. It's what your advertisers want to see, and it's what'll sell.” He thrust a black pair of cotton girl boxers and knee high boots along with the skanky top in her hands.

Kagome stared down at the outfit, looking a little sick.

“Shit, Kagome.” InuYasha snorted indifferently as he was given a black rib t-shirt and designer jeans. “Don't make it look like a death sentence.”

Kagome looked slowly up at him and the panic on her face was undeniable.

InuYasha opened his mouth to say that she had nothing to worry about, that she had an amazing body that she should show off, but he quickly shut it. Swallowing his conscience at what he was about to do, he gave her body a dirty leer and scoffed. “What's with the priggish bitch act anyways? You deformed or something? You know, some sick shits get off on that.”

Pain erupted across Kagome's face before she gripped the clothing to her chest and looked quickly down to the ground.

InuYasha felt his chest constrict in confused misery. He hadn't expected that strong of a reaction for such a minor insult, but he couldn't very well act concerned. He cast his eyes around the group, expecting an attack for his callousness, yet all he received was uncomfortable frowns on their faces as they looked at each other. What the hell was with them?

“Oh for fucks sakes!” The singer rolled his eyes before turning to head to the men's change room. “It's for an ad! Not porn! Grow up!”

He stormed over to the men's room door and pushed it open furiously, letting it swing shut behind his troubled form. He knew he was out of line with Kagome, but he didn't have a choice. He had a front to hold up. But what he hadn't expected was the reaction from his friends. He was almost positive they would have stood up for Kagome as usual, but they looked almost sad for her, like what he said meant something. It was the first time she ever took something he said to heart.

He tossed his costume on the sink countertop in frustration and let out a hard sigh. He could have handled that better, he knew, but he had an image to uphold after all. And after last night….

His eyes shut as he leaned heavily over the sink.

Last night was the most perfect night of his life. He could still smell the mist in her hair and taste the rain on her lips. The very sensation made his mouth run dry and he wished desperately to drink from her again. But after last night he knew he could never indulge in her like that again. He was entering a place he realized he didn't belong.

Only free men would be allowed into that garden. And he had given up that right.

Looking up at the mirror he couldn't help but scowl at the image he saw. He was a coward, for only cowards would allow another to govern their own happiness. Before it wasn't a problem, for what he wanted was easily given. Drugs, sex, money…. But now not even Naraku could appease his hunger, yet the crime lord could still hold what InuYasha most desired away from him without even realizing he did.

After InuYasha had gotten home last night he had cleaned his apartment from top to bottom. Everything of his old life was now sitting in three large garbage bags on his veranda, all but one little piece of paper. It could have been so easy to toss were it not for the imprinted red flames in the shape of a spider that stood out like fresh blood. Naraku's calling card no doubt left by Kikyo. On it was his message: `You owe me.'

Those three simple words obliterated any hope that he could live like a normal man. In that message all his doubts and fears he had pushed aside for the taste of happiness came washing back like a wall of ice. Naraku owned him. Him and everything he held dear; his money, his reputation, his honour - everything that made him worth a damn. Everything that made him worth Kagome's affections. That simple piece of paper reminded him of why he held back with her for so long. Naraku owned every part of him, except his heart, for he had nothing to love. Until now. Should Naraku find out about Kagome he knew the soulless devil would have more incentive against him. He could not have a weakness. He could not have another reason for Naraku to keep him chained.

But still…could he be without her?

InuYasha's gaze fell bitterly to the floor. What could he do?

The only thing he could do - the right thing. He had to let her go.

Sighing heavily, he donned his clothes, mindful of the make up on his face. He didn't bother to turn around when Miroku and Kouga entered. He was expecting a tirade of swear words from Kouga about how he treated Kagome, or even sound judgment from Miroku, but nothing was said. In fact, none of the three men said anything as they got changed. Yet through the mirror InuYasha could see that Kouga and Miroku cast gazes at each other from time to time. It was unnerving to say the least.

Finishing up tying his boot on the countertop, InuYasha gave a hard glare at his friends when they did it again. “Will you stop fucking doing that? If you got some shit to say to me then say it!”

Both men turned anger-filled eyes upon him but said nothing.

“Fuck it.” InuYasha snarled before he turned to the door.

“You've got a huge fucking mouth, InuYasha.” Miroku snapped while adjusting his trench coat.

InuYasha blinked in shock and turned around. Miroku rarely swore, and never in anger. Narrowing his eyes in defence, he shot back. “Fuck off, Miroku. She can't act like a fucking school girl forever.”

“Regardless of what you think, what you said wasn't necessary.” Miroku yanked on his cuffs as he gave him a hard frown. “You should show a little more tact towards Kagome.”

“Pfft.” The singer snorted. “Why the fuck should I?”

“Because.” The guitarist tightened the leather glove around his hand before turning knowing grey eyes on his long time friend. “Not everyone is blind to how you really feel about her. You don't need to hide it behind harsh words.”

InuYasha paled before he looked away in sickened fury. Fuck, he hated how perceptive Miroku was.

“I don't hide anything. I'm sick of her being such a frightened prude! Not everyone finds it as endearing as you do. Our promoters certainly won't.”

Miroku rolled his eyes. “Is that what you're concerned about? Or are you still trying to mould Kagome into something you feel you're worthy to have? Because if that's the case….”

“I don't fucking care about Kagome! Damn it, I wish people would leave me the fuck alone about it!” InuYasha shouted and pointed a finger at the guitarist. “Stop pushing the damn bitch on me, okay. Don't fucking think you know what I want!”

Miroku's mouth opened then closed in a loss of what to say. Shock at what InuYasha had said was far less then the conviction the singer held in his eyes. It was hatred. Pure hatred.

InuYasha backed up to the door. “Why does everyone think she's so perfect?” He gave Miroku one last glare. “She can't save everyone.” With that he turned and pushed himself out of the restroom, leaving two shaken men behind, not realizing to whom his hatred really laid.

InuYasha fumed silently to himself. His body was quaking terribly and it was hard to tell if it was from the fight he just had, or for the final action he needed to do in order to push Kagome from his life. But any thought of said action left him when the door to the women's room opened. He barely acknowledged Sango coming out before his eyes fell on the most beautiful woman in the world.

Kagome stepped out wearing a sleeveless, black body suit and tight girl boxers, but from the boxers hung a long flowing, royal blue, sheer skirt that swept over her rounded backside down the back of her thighs to her ankles. The front was exposed, leaving little to the mind's eye, showing off her long nylon legs before they were wrapped in leather calved boots. She was a siren, made to entice men to their doom and it made one particular man go feral as he marked the woman as his for life.

Kagome seemed rather uneasy at first standing there, and when she saw her band, more particularly InuYasha outside waiting for her, her discomfort turned into embarrassment. She quickly swept her hands over her behind, smoothing out any nonexistent wrinkles and making sure whatever adjustments Enrique made to her outfit were in place.

The designer in question moved quickly out from the bathroom behind her, causing InuYasha to break from his stare. Why the fuck was that little shit in the girl's room? All questions were erased by the look on Enrique's face, which set InuYasha's blood to boiling. It wasn't one of desire or appreciation, it was one of disgust and revulsion. It took all InuYasha had not to grab the little shit and beat him for everything he was worth. How dare he look at Kagome as if she were a leper.

Kagome, however, never looked back at the designer. Instead, she looked uncomfortably at the ground as he passed. Sango placed a warm hand on her shoulder in comfort while giving Enrique a deathly glare. In turn the drummer grinned shyly up at her before looking over at InuYasha's furious face.

Misinterpreting his anger, she shrugged softly and sighed. “The top wouldn't stay on. He had to improvise. Guess I'm more trouble than I'm worth, huh?”

InuYasha blinked, finally remembering the outfit that she was supposed to wear compared to what she had on. He was a little disappointed he couldn't see her dress like a sex slave, but it wasn't like he was missing anything from what she had on. It was like a second skin. His eyes chanced a glance at the erect nipples protruding through her shirt and he had to bite the inside of his lower lip when he imagined them in his mouth. Shit, just because he couldn't touch anymore didn't mean he couldn't look, right? Gazing back up into her eyes, he quickly frowned.

She barely looked up at him as she fidgeted with her clothing. If he didn't know better he would think she was keeping something from him. Was she lying about why she had to change? But why would she feel the need to lie about it? It wasn't like it was imperative she wore what Enrique chose. But looking at her worried expression, he knew there was more to it. Something else was up. He cast his gaze to Sango for answers, but she was still rubbing Kagome's shoulder before the coordinator caught their attention.

“You there. The photographer is ready.” The woman's cold accent bit into them like a pick. “Hurry to the stage.”

Perdition walked quickly to the stage but InuYasha followed slowly from behind. He couldn't take his eyes off Kagome's sexy ass and was rather intrigued by her shapely legs barely hidden by the dark sheer skirt. It was distracting, however, when she kept sweeping her hands over it trying to cover the back of her thighs, almost as if she was trying to keep him from looking. She was acting so strange. Was she that self-conscious of her body? She wore revealing clothing before. He frowned. Why would she feel so insecure now? What was it she was trying to hide?

“Taisho-sama.”

InuYasha automatically snapped his attention over at the photographer, the matter with Kagome quickly forgotten as the man beckoned him onto the platform. It had been years since someone had called him by his honorific, and it did not settle well. Getting on the stage, he growled low to the cameraman.

“I'm called InuYasha. Taisho is that fucker over there.” He nodded to the corner where Sesshomaru talked quietly into a cell phone. “Got it?”

The older photographer blinked before he gave a slight shrug, the issue ignored as the man organized the band into several poses that would soon be plastered on posters, t-shirts and whatever else would be sold at the Hong Kong competition. From then on, it was nothing but business for Perdition.

It was a gruelling four hours during the shoot and InuYasha was quickly losing his temper. It was particularly painful when the photographer requested several photos of Kagome next to him. At one point Kagome had to straddle his leg and it was close to agony when he felt her thighs clench tight on him in an attempt to keep her balance. It might have been bearable if he didn't have to place his hand on her soft, warm ass to hold her tight against him. He was thankful that he didn't have to look at her during that time or he knew he'd buckle under his need of her. It was bad enough that she smelled incredibly delicious.

They barely spoke the whole time and rarely to each other. Whatever he did say to her was clipped and cold, causing her glow to fade until she barely smiled at all to anybody. By the time it was over, InuYasha was frustrated beyond belief and Kagome was now avoiding him. It was exactly what he was trying to do, but he never realized just how bad he needed to hold her, taste her, and see her smile. The subdued expression on her face didn't sit well with him and he hated himself for putting it there. If things were different he'd spend a lifetime making her smile. But that wasn't possible. He wasn't allowed.

After they broke for the day, InuYasha quickly washed and changed in the men's room, ignoring everyone around him. He even refused to speak to Miroku when he tried to make amends. The last thing he wanted was to have anyone make him feel better.

Stepping out of the washroom after he had finished, he was somewhat surprised to see Kagome waiting for Sango in her street clothes and without the heavy makeup. Agonizing enough, even without all the enhancements they made to have her features stand out, she was a vision. It was amazing how a relaxed pair of jeans and a Care Bear t-shirt could make someone look so perfect. Closing his eyes, he turned away from her.

He took his time as he waited for the rest of his band to finish changing and talked with a few reps that had come to watch the shoot. It was great to get so much recognition and attention from the promoters, but he had a hard time concentrating on contracts and numbers. His heart just wasn't in it as he unconsciously kept a silent vigil on his drummer. It came to no surprise to those paying attention when his gaze shot over at her when her cell phone rang.

InuYasha listened intently as Kagome spoke on her phone and scowled in jealousy as a small smile surfaced on her lips.

“What's that?” She plugged a finger in her free ear to listen more clearly into her cell and headed to a corner by the stage.

InuYasha excused himself from an agent, who was talking animatedly to Sesshomaru beside him, before he walked quietly over to Miroku and Sango who were sitting on the stage and conveniently close to Kagome.

“Tonight?” Kagome frowned and looked up, her eyes falling on InuYasha as he sat on the edge of the stage. Her voice lowered apologetically. “I don't know, Hojo. We might have practice….”

“No we don't, Kagome.” Sango stated, her gaze snapping over at InuYasha and back. She gave her friend a small smile. “Go out tonight. Have fun. You deserve it.”

Kagome's gaze flicked from Sango back to InuYasha. If his face showed the jealousy and yearning he felt, she must have not recognized it before she sighed into the phone. “Okay. I'll meet you there at seven? Okay. Yeah? Okay, I'll ask.”

She lifted the phone from her ear. “He got tickets to go to `Déjà vu.' He wanted to know if any of you wanted to go.”

“'Déjà vu?'” Sango grinned excitedly. “The karaoke bar that just opened? How the hell did he get those?”

Kagome shrugged and laughed. “He said he won them in a radio contest. Interested?”

“Ayame going?” Kouga hopped his butt up onto the stage and grinned when Kagome nodded. “Count me in. Should be fun trying to get her up on stage again.”

Sango looked at Miroku and both smiled.

“Yeah, tell him we'll go.” Sango said.

Nodding, Kagome looked up at InuYasha. The question was written eagerly on her face but she hadn't the courage to ask.

InuYasha couldn't stop the feelings swirling around him. Hurt, betrayal, possessiveness, and anger. But he couldn't tell if it was over the fact that she accepted a date with Hojo, or the fact he had given the man the opening to take Kagome from him. He watched her anticipating eyes for barely a moment before he turned and kicked himself off the stage and walked away from her without a response. He didn't see the crestfallen look on her face, but she didn't see the pained expression on his.

Turning slowly back to her phone, Kagome forced a smile. “We've got another three to come. Yup. Sounds good. See you tonight. Bye.”

Kagome clicked her phone shut and gave her friends a small smile as they chatted happily to themselves before she turned her head to watch InuYasha's back disappear around the corner, and again out of her reach.

-+-

“This place is great!” Sango laughed as she and Miroku flopped down on their chairs situated around a large round table. Both were panting hard from dancing to horrible singers on karaoke.

Ayame giggled and took a swig of Kouga's fresh beer he had just set down and waved off his disapproving frown. “What the heck were they singing anyways?”

“I don't know.” Sango wheezed out an exhausted laugh and reached for her Purple Haze.

“I think it was either that one from `Grease' or `Dirty Dancing.' Either case, senior citizens should not dance like that in public.” Hojo downed the rest of his beer and winced, trying to rid the memory.

“And how would you know what those songs were?” Eri gave him a wry glance.

“Are you kidding me?” Hojo rolled his eyes. “For my last three years at the orphanage I was the only teenage boy! And I was overrun by you five!” He glared at the majority of the girls around the table.

“Mmm. You made a good Johnny though.” Yuka mused as she eyed him hungrily.

“Not so much a good Danny.” Ayame laughed.

“Couldn't play the bad boy, huh?” Kouga smirked and lazily wrapped an arm around his girlfriend.

Hojo snorted out contritely. “It was more like I didn't have a car.”

Kagome chuckled softly beside him and cast her eyes around each of her friends. Ayame, Kouga, Sango, Miroku, Ayume, Eri, Yuka and Hojo laughed and talked like they knew each other for years. It was such a wonderful night…almost. Kagome fell silent as her mind began to wonder.

“Kagome?”

Her eyes shot up at Hojo as he smiled at her.

“Want to dance?” He beamed.

Smiling brightly, she nodded and took his hand when he gallantly bowed and reached for her.

“My lady.” The tawny haired man grinned.

“Kind sir.” She laughed as she stood up to join him and they walked to the dance floor.

Kagome giggled and began to sway her hips to the fast paced music before she felt her body being pulled back into Hojo's embrace. He swung her around and placed her hands on his shoulders and slowly circled with her in his arms.

Kagome eyed him in question then grinned at the humour in his face as he waltzed to a bad rendition of `Beautiful People.'

“I still make a better Johnny it seems.” He smirked.

Kagome giggled. “Well, Hojo, at least now you have a car.”

“Yeah, but with no back seat. Stupid energy efficient piece of crap.” He dipped her low and brought her back up flushed and laughing. He held her tighter and waltzed around the grinding people surrounding them. His dark eyes met her happy blue. “Ah, there it is.”

“There's what?” She smiled.

“That happy spark.” Hojo grinned at her. “I was almost afraid someone stole it from you.”

Kagome hummed. “Can it be stolen?”

Hojo pulled her closer. “Not if I can help it.”

Kagome gave a small smile and pushed away from him, twirling out then back in, keeping him at a safer distance when she connected with his hands. Her eyes glanced to their table and she sighed. “You know… Yuka hasn't been out to dance yet.”

Hojo blinked in confusion. He was dancing on cloud nine with Kagome in his arms and her subtle hint jarred him back to earth. He cast a quick look at their table and smiled. “She seems to have company now….” His boyish grin quickly faded and Kagome followed his gaze in question.

“InuYasha?” Her eyes widened as she stopped dancing.

“Kagome, don't….” Hojo tightened his grip on her but Kagome pulled away, giving him a reassuring smile before heading quickly to their table.

“InuYasha?” She smiled brightly as she drew near to her friends. “What are you doing here?”

InuYasha stood up slowly from leaning over a blushing Yuka. He eyed Kagome's form fitting jeans and sexy t-shirt before looking lazily up at her face. “I was invited, wasn't I?”

Kagome opened her mouth to answer but was quickly cut off.

“I'm afraid your ticket was given away.” Hojo attempted to look apologetic but stopped trying when InuYasha gave him a scathing glance.

“As you can see, when you got a name for yourself you don't need a ticket.” The singer reached for a drink containing bright red fluid on the table and took a sip, his eyes watching Kagome as he drank from her glass.

Kagome's mouth parted in surprised objection and sudden desire before it snapped shut at the bitter look on his face as he choked on a cough.

“What the hell is this?” He looked at her drink in disgust.

“Um…” Kagome peered at her drink, not really seeing it as she replied automatically. “Cranberry juice.”

“What? You don't drink either?” He wiped his lips to rid the flavour that coated his poor tongue as he put her drink back on the table.

“I find alcohol is an acquired taste,” she smiled and picked up her drink. She gave him a coy look. “I take it it's too strong for you?”

InuYasha's hand dropped from his mouth. He was fully intent on berating her, but the expression on her face held him back. The arch of her brow and hint of challenge in her sapphire eyes goaded his ego not to mention his dominating need. God, he needed to ravish that bitch.

“InuYasha.” Miroku sighed, breaking the stare between the two. “Since you're here, you might as well pull up a chair.”

InuYasha smirked, finally pulling his eyes from Kagome. “No, Miro. I have other `pressing' engagements.” He turned to look at a small group of women over at the bar as they waved sexily at him.

Kagome paled somewhat seeing the three women eye the silver haired Adonis with greed and lust. She felt suddenly sick, like a cold metal spike was drilled into her chest. She slowly looked back at InuYasha as he gave her a wicked grin then turned to head to the bar.

“Well, that's…interesting.” Eri watched as InuYasha made it to the bar and began stroking the lower back of one of the women.

“Yeah, I thought you said he had a girlfriend, Kagome.” Ayume looked over at her friend in confusion.

Kagome's mouth closed quickly and she struggled to smile, thankful the dance lights didn't reveal how pale she must have looked. “It seems he has several.” Ignoring the concerned looks from her band mates, she turned to Hojo and let out a quick breath. “Well, shall we finish our dance?”

A large smile plastered on the man's face as he lead her back out onto the dance floor, enjoying the brief look of pure loathing from InuYasha from across the room.

The rest of the night passed by in a wave of turmoil for Kagome. Every time she managed to enjoy herself, InuYasha would show up in her line of vision, always with someone different. She was a bit grateful he never found someone he actually liked to spend the whole night with, but it didn't stop the hollow ache she felt knowing he didn't choose her. She was beyond confused. After last night she was sure he wanted her, but now it felt like he was slowly torturing her. It was obvious he was pushing her away again but she couldn't understand why.

She just wished the night would end so she could go home and bury away her pain in her pillow. She was tired, not having a good night's sleep in some time. But worst of all her heart hurt, and with it everything else. The strain must have shown since her friends did everything to distract her to make her happy. It was sweet of them, and she hated making them feel miserable, so she did all that she could to keep them laughing. It was the least she could do after all the issues she had with InuYasha.

By the time midnight rolled around, Kagome was starting to feel better. Maybe it was because Kouga finally convinced Ayame to sing or that Yuka managed to get a very buzzed Hojo to agree to go on a date. Or maybe it was because InuYasha was finally gone.

She hadn't seen him for over an hour and his presence was hard to ignore. She couldn't say she was happy that he was no longer around, but she was grateful she didn't have to see him with another. She didn't even want to question where he was or whom he was with, knowing the scenarios in her mind would far outweigh the truth. It was better off she not think of him at all, if that were at all possible.

But fate was too much like love. It controlled more than a person was willing to admit.

Stepping out of the busy bathroom, Kagome distractedly wiped the remainder of the ice Miroku `accidentally' spilled on her shirt when she nearly bumped into a hard body.

“Sorry.” She smiled apologetically up at the person and was stunned to see it was InuYasha. Her smile quickly faded. “Oh. Hi.”

Tired eyes looked down at her before InuYasha turned his attention to the dance floor. “Hey.” He said lowly.

“I… I thought you left.” Kagome stepped to the side to let others get to the bathroom, inadvertently drawing closer to him.

“I'm just about to go.” He glanced down at her in distain. “I didn't want to ruin your fine evening.”

Kagome's mouth opened in hurt protest before she shut it and looked down. It wouldn't help to trigger his foul mood, and she rather let him hear the truth regardless of all that happened today. “You being with us would have made it better.” She said.

Her voice was soft but InuYasha could have heard it in a hurricane. He blinked in surprised disbelief. After all that he did to her today, did she really still welcome him back? He looked away uncomfortably before he was jostled backwards by a drunk man on his way to the bathroom. He quickly regained his balance and gave the oblivious man a low growl before a small giggle erupted beside him. Turning back, InuYasha was amazed to see Kagome laughing up at him.

“Grr.” She mimicked before her smile grew once again, along with that coy gleam in her eye. “You sound like a ferocious dog.”

InuYasha's eyes danced up and down her form before he turned his head away in discomfort. Why couldn't she be like the rest of the women here? Overbearing and oversexed. Instead she was so refreshing and so beautiful and so…. He began to fidget in his jeans pockets and gave a nonchalant shrug. “Yeah, so I've been told.”

Kagome's smile filtered down into a faint grin and she looked quietly down to the floor. “So, how was your night?”

“Fine.” He looked everywhere but at her. It was becoming unbearable standing there with her. He didn't know what compelled him to even come to this place, but the thought of that fucker Hojo taking her made him crazy. He fully intended on coming by just to shake things up, but it ended up being torture for himself. Hell, he hadn't even been able to keep his eyes off of her all night and it just about killed him not being close to her. He made it a point to show up around her whenever she was happy, if only to live vicariously through the others who made her smile. But he soon came to realize his presence was making her upset, and having some slut grind against him at every possible turn certainly didn't help. He just wanted her to be jealous like he was, but instead it ended up with him being more disgusted with himself than he already was. Eventually, he just wanted to be alone, pushing off every advance as he attempted to drink himself stupid. He barely got down one beer before he gave up. Calling the night as a loss, he decided to have a piss before he left, only to run into the very creature that's been the bane of his existence.

“I must be keeping you.” Her voice said softly. “Guess I'll see you tomorrow for the promos.”

InuYasha didn't say anything as his eyes lingered on the dance floor but he gave a small nod.

Kagome halted a few times before she stated quickly. “You know, I was wondering….”

“Fuck!” InuYasha snapped his angry eyes on her. “Are you seriously still standing here?” God, he was so desperate for her to go away. She had no clue how hard it was to keep from grabbing her and taking her.

Her upset face stared up at him and she backed up a step. “I…I didn't mean….”

“No, you never mean. That's the whole point. Stop acting like you give a damn about me, okay?” He glared out into the crowd, looking anywhere as long as he didn't have to look at her. His resolve would break if he did. “Look, you're a good kid, but you seriously have no clue what I am.”

“But I….” A suffering smile struggled to stay on her lips but fell in hurt-filled realization. “I see.”

InuYasha turned to her in disturbed curiosity and watched the various emotions play across her face before it fell in broken acceptance.

“Then I guess I'll let you go.” Biting her lower lip, Kagome faintly lifted her hand in farewell but let it drop before she slowly turned to leave. As soon as her back was to him she stopped and quickly turned back. “InuYasha?”

His heavy gaze looked up at her.

Her lips twitched slightly as if wanting to give a heartfelt smile. “I just wanted you to know that… whatever you think you are, I'll never see you less than what you really are.”

A disturbed look passed over his face and he turned away. Taking this as a dismissal, Kagome slowly lowered her head and quietly headed back out into the crowd. Before she even made a few steps, her arm was grabbed and she was pulled hard into a dark corner.

“Are you stupid or something?” InuYasha seethed down at her as released her arm.

She opened her mouth in question before he cut her off.

“Why can't you see what everyone else sees? I'm not a man that wants pity or cares that I'm an asshole. And I certainly don't need some pansy-assed girl to tell me she thinks I have a good side.”

Silence permeated between them before Kagome's steady voice broke through. “Then what do you want with me?”

“I… I don't want anything from you.” InuYasha blinked in stunned confusion before his defensive nature kicked in. “I just want you to leave me the fuck alone!”

“Why?” She lifted her chin slightly as she took a few steps towards him, causing him to back up and hit the wall behind him.

“Why?” He pressed against the wall, unconsciously intimidated by the smaller woman.

“Why are you here, InuYasha?”

Her intense eyes captured his and he was at a loss of what to say, but the quiet patience in her gaze had him almost believe she knew everything he was denying. He shook his head to clear his thoughts but before he could lie, she continued.

“Why do you judge me? Why do you insult me? Why do you kiss me and then push me away?” She gazed at his lips for a bare moment before she looked down to the floor. “I've offered you my friendship and more, and you deny me. Why?”

“I can't….” He stopped and turned his face away bitterly.

“You can't?” Her head tilted slightly as she stepped closer to him.

His amber eyes flashed dangerously over at her in frustration. “I can't be what you want!”

Her soft mouth opened in confusion and hurt. “I have only wanted you to be yourself.”

“This is it!” He pushed away from the wall in exasperated anger and towered above her. His body was so close that she could feel his heat as he pushed her backward with his gaze. “This is all I am. This is all I can give.”

The pained expression on her face made his blood run cold and he clenched his hands to keep from reaching out to her. He quickly forced his eyes to the floor. “I didn't mean for it to get this far. There is nothing I can offer you that you'd be willing to accept. If you can't understand that, then there's nothing I can do.”

“I… don't know what you mean.”

He looked up at her perplexed expression before shaking his head despondently. “It means I can't give you what you want. I can't give you my trust or pretend to care for you. I can't be your boyfriend. Hell, I'm not even your friend. I'm only good at giving one thing and you certainly don't want to be another fuck.”

He had expected tears from her, questions, even a slap across the face, but not what she said next.

“Okay.”

Blinking, he looked up in numbed shock. “What?”

Her beautiful eyes searched his face intently. “If this is who you are, and all that you can give, then that is what I'll take.”

His mouth opened and closed before he frowned heavily. “You don't know what you're saying.”

She looked contemplative for a moment before she hesitantly spoke. “I… just want you, InuYasha. That's all I've ever wanted.”

He snorted in disbelief before he shook it off and gave her a dirty smirk. “You can't handle what I am, darlin'. If you seriously want to try, you're looking at a world of hurt.” His tired eyes drifted to the wall. “I've already given up trying to be something I can't be. It's time you realized the same.”

The room seemed to grow quiet and InuYasha turned back to Kagome. Her head was bowed and for some reason, she looked so small and frail. When she finally looked back up at him, he was almost crippled by the weight she carried within her fallen eyes. Though she never said a word, he felt overwhelmed by feelings of guilt and remorse, and he didn't know why.

“I….” His voice rasped. Taking in a painful breath, he stepped back. “I have to go.” With that, he turned to leave.

“InuYasha?”

Stopping, he mentally steeled himself before he turned to look at her.

Her sweet lips parted ever so slightly as her sad eyes called to him imploringly. “It was never about what you could offer.”

He watched her for a moment then turned once more to leave. The chaotic crowd enveloped him like smoke as he slowly made his way towards the exit, but each step felt like he was being torn. He thought he made it. He thought he was now in the clear, but her parting words cemented the nagging need he had of her. Why did she have to say those things? Didn't she realize that he had nothing to give her, even if they could safely be together?

It wasn't like he could change. Things were as they were for a reason. Nothing she said could change that, and nothing he could do would either. This was who he was, a man who's past had him locked away. It was his life, and it was forever….

His eyes closed briefly as a headache began to form. Fuck, he needed a cigarette. What a fine time to quit! He mentally groaned. Why the hell did he even give them up in the first place? He meant to buy some at the corner store yesterday. He snorted lightly. He was about to before he saw that damn picture of he and Kagome in that magazine, and how proud she was of him for signing that damn autograph.

His steps began to slow. She was always like that though. Always smiling, always laughing, always so proud of others. She had made his friends open up and break through barriers he couldn't crack - namely because he never tried. His lips turned down in a small frown. He was always so concerned about himself. He couldn't even give his friends the attention they needed. But Kagome….

He slowed to a stop. She gave all of herself. His head lifted in realization. And never wanted in return.

`It was never about what you could offer.'

It was about what she was willing to give.

He slowly looked back from where he came. Without thinking, he turned and headed back to where he left her. He wasn't sure what he was doing, but he needed to know. Meandering around blue hued bodies as they slowly danced to a new song, he began to question everything - his sanity above all else. He wasn't even sure what it was he wanted. He felt drugged, compelled to seek out the very thing that stirred his senses.

Was she serious about what she hinted? What was it she was willing to give him? And above all, would he be willing to take it? All he knew was that she was willing to be with him regardless of what he was, and expected nothing in return. Was that possible? Could he have her without consequence? His heart trembled at the idea. He finally made it back to the corner before his chest gripped cold in despair. Kagome was gone.

Lowering his gaze, he turned, only to face the sweet face that dared to give him hope as Kagome stood only a few feet away, watching him with a heart wide open.

Breath held tight within the confines of his chest, he slowly moved towards her. Something deep within him beckoned him to go to her and he could not deny it even if he tried. No desperate man ever could.

Wake up, medicate again

Ever after's a friend

Standing in front of each other, all they could do was stare, questioning and exploring for answers no words could express.

But you and I, we get so high

We never quite came down

Ever after again

With gentle grace, Kagome slowly reached up and stroked the side of his cheek. Amber eyes closed as InuYasha's body yearned to feel every sensation she lit up inside him, as well as every pain she was associated with.

But what could be more beautiful

Than you and I, falling from grace

All the things we'll never know

So beautiful, slipping away

Slowly he opened his liquid orbs to be assaulted by the sight of the woman who claimed his entire soul with just one smile. It was then he realized that she was always giving him what he needed, and in turn he had fallen in love. And he was too afraid to let her know, too afraid to let anyone know.

Light my past on fire

Spell it right, in black and white

A coward's here for hire

Soft, feather like fingers moved down the plains of his chest, triggering a sharp hiss to his lips before her hands settled above the rapid beating of his heart. Tenderly she pressed her body against his, resting her forehead below his chin before lifting her face up to him, her soft lips inadvertently tracing the edge of his collarbone and neck. A guttural groan tumbled from his throat as his hands gripped hard into the back of her shirt. The intensity of her touch nearly brought him to his knees and he knew then he had his answer.

But what could be more beautiful

Than you and I, falling from grace

All the things we'll never know

So beautiful, slipping away

Pulling back slightly, he couldn't keep his eyes off her. She looked so confident and yet so unsure about her actions, but it did not stop her from studying every part that her roaming fingers touched.

It's beautiful (slipping away)

Every trace, every subtle breath she took made him weak to a point where he forgot his surroundings. All there was was she. And she was giving herself over to him… like a sacrificial lamb.

Whoa, it's beautiful (slipping away)

It's beautiful (slipping away)

Hot fingers threaded themselves into her cool silky hair as InuYasha pulled her attention back up to his face. Silver flecks sparkled behind the hooded blue of those amazing eyes as she opened them all the way for him to see beyond the boundaries of heaven. How long had he wished to be in this moment? To finally be given this chance to have her as he wanted? When did she decide he was deserving of this? His conflicted gaze questioned whether he ought to take what she was offering… or whether he could handle it.

It's time to pack up and vacate

I'm so fed up of closing up

And running from myself

Shutting all thoughts and doubts off completely, he pulled her body hard against him as his mouth connected heatedly with hers and tasted all that heaven had to offer. Fire and ice shattered against his flesh as wave after wave of desire, want and need overwhelmed him.

What could be more beautiful

Than you and I falling from grace

All the things we'll never know

So beautiful, slipping away

Clenching his eyes tight, InuYasha wrapped his arms hard around her, dragging her higher and tighter against him as he buried his tongue deep within her, terrified that if he let go, she would fly away. He no longer cared if anyone saw or the repercussions because of it. He needed her, and she was giving him her all. How the hell could he resist?

What could be more beautiful (It's beautiful)

Than you and I falling from grace

All the things we'll never know

So beautiful, slipping away

There was no escaping her now. He was a fallen man, barred now forever in the confines of her heart, a secret garden no one could find and it was all his. Like a man dying of thirst, he drank from her eternal wonders. He would be a fool to deny this. And he would pay dearly for it.

Wake up, medicate again

`Cause ever after is my friend.

-+-

Beautiful by Thornley.

And another chapter done. Amazing what you can get done with a 10lb weight hanging on your boob. Seriously, I've been working on this chapter since late January and revised it five times. At least now I feel it is somewhat presentable. As for the last 4 months… Well, here goes:

Oct 18th I started having cramps. I passed it off as a bad sundae or the chilli nachos we had. By Oct 19th, it got worse and I got scared. By that evening my husband drove me to the IWK to get me checked out. We talked to three doctors, while I was hooked up to a machine that measured my stomach as I waited. We were all pretty calm about this, since I had seen my doctor a week ago and everything was perfect, textbook even. Then she went on vacation. Not a problem, I'm not due for another 13 weeks. By the time the resident came in and checked the machine and my pelvis, off snapped the gloves to tell me I was having contractions and had to stay at the hospital to stop them. I'm scared by then, obviously. So on go the pants and no more than 15 steps outside the office my water broke. Terror set in. I was only 27 weeks gestation (a full term baby is 40 weeks) and the likelihood of my baby surviving was 80%. Good odds, but it wasn't until later did I find out that yeah, good odds he'll live, not good odds he'll be healthy or “normal.”

Within an hour of my water breaking, (and an hour long contraction boys and girls is not an experience I care to have again), out came Alexander Xavier Leonard. A whopping 2 pounds 7 ounces. What would come next would be what we would later call the year of hell.

They administered a medicine called (by its short name) Bless, also known as surfactant. It was supposed to open his lungs so he could breath. It ended up causing a heart attack and I nearly lost him within 5 minutes of life. After 2 minutes of CPR, they brought him back, and whisked him down to NICU. There he stayed for three months. During that time, we dealt with another dose of Bless that caused a rupture in his lungs. He began to suffocate and in turn caused a haemorrhage in his brain. I have a lot of rage due to this, since I was not aware of the Bless being used beforehand, nor was I told the possible side effects when they tried again. Instead I was told that they used it on all the prems (preemies) and it showed a positive impact on their breathing. Little did I know, but had I known, sadly I would have allowed it. But hindsight is 20/20….

He spent three weeks on a ventilator that helped him to breathe. The doctors said he may be on it until well after he leaves and the possibility of him coming home was February, maybe even March. It was then we were told he was an incredibly sick baby. It would be much later that we would find out how many of those doctors were expecting him to die.

After his third week, Alex could breath on his own, without any machine or extra oxygen. Within a month he was without any support at all. He amazed everyone.

The haemorrhage: It ended up being a grade 4, the largest and most dangerous. Side effects ranged from the low possibility of him being a normal, healthy baby to one who could end up blind, mentally handicapped, or with severe cerebral palsy. No doubt you know how hard I cried knowing my perfect son was no longer “perfect.” We would have to wait and see what would become of it.

Putting that in the back of our minds, the next dip in the emotional roller coaster was the fact his PDA valve in his heart opened. It needed to be closed or else the O2 in his blood would not circulate very well. The possibility of him having heart surgery was high. Again… medicine was tried, but not without my husband and I knowing everything about it. We were not going to be fucked over like that again. Signing the wavers, Alex got the endomethicine. It didn't work. Surgery was the answer, but it was the last thing Cam and I wanted. So they would try the endomethicine again. It was a long shot and rarely worked, but the thought of them going near my son's heart made me a vicious mother. They would try again. Three days we had to wait to see if it worked, but on the final day, they could still hear the murmur. An ultrasound was brought in to take pictures of his heart to ready him for surgery. In a moment of silence, the doctor turned to his peers and said the valve was closed. He did not need surgery. It stunned all of them.

It made me see God.

In one month, Alex saw three blood transfusions because his iron was low (his blood was taken almost daily for tests and he could not regenerate enough). He also was under light therapy for jaundice, as well as under more tests and surveys than any normal person should be allowed. One of which was an oxygen study since O2 was believed to cause eye damage to preemies, so he was set on a very strict O2 regulation. His eyes are now perfect.

By the end of November the results of the haemorrhage came in. His poor little head was growing too fast, showing that the cerebral fluid was building up in his brain. The blood clot had broken apart and clogged one of the ventricles that was suppose to absorb the fluid. It was decided that he would need a shunt placed in his brain to siphon the fluid down a tube planted inside his neck and back, which lead to a cavity by his intestines that would drain the fluid out in his pee. (Which naturally happens, but still gross.) Dec 1st, his shunt was put in. I had never been more terrified in my life.

74 days we spent at the hospital. 74 days I cried. 74 days I prayed. Within that time, my son grew from 2 pounds 7 ounces to 6 pounds 12 ounces. He also learned to bottle feed and breast feed, something few prems his size could do.

On Dec 31st, Alex came home, a month earlier than anticipated.

From then on he has now become a tall boy weighing over 10lbs. He is now 4.5 months old (but in reality only 1.5 months, since the 13 weeks he was early he was still in fetal development phase, so though he is over 4 months, his body is that of a 1 month old). He sees specialists regularly, such as physiotherapists, neurosurgeons and early intervention. He amazes everyone. As of yet, he shows no side effects from the haemorrhage. He smiles, laughs, babbles, coos…. He loves staring at his grandfather's black and white beard and loves to kick mommy's flabby belly. >_< Note: baby weight takes close to a year to come off. If someone tells you three months, tell them where you think they should shove it.

After all of this, I have to thank all of you. I put the last author's note up Oct 23rd - two days after the second Bless failure and during the week we were expecting to lose our son. The amount of prayers and good thoughts that were sent to us was staggering. And because my son came home early from the hospital with a perfect bill of health (shunt excluded) I am convinced over the power of love. You each share in my son's story, not only because of what you know, but because of the love you sent out to him and our family. I know it was because of you, and the amazing work of the medical team, that he came through. But medicine could only heal so much. My son developed a will to live beyond any measure, and I know he felt each of you in prayer. I know, because he smiled through all of it.

There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. - Albert Einstein (a preemie baby).

WDW.

If any are interested, you can see a clip of Alex here: (just delete the spaces in the address bar)

vids.myspace .com/ index.cfm? fuseaction= vids.individual &VideoID =27283202