InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Demons Within Us ❯ Everything Changes ( Chapter 38 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: White Dire Wolf 
Forgiveness changes everything
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 03.02.2011 | Pages: 6 | Words: 4.8K | Visits: 1.6K | Status: Work In Progress
Forgiveness changes everything
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 03.02.2011 | Pages: 6 | Words: 4.8K | Visits: 1.6K | Status: Work In Progress
Heavy rain pelted hard against the window creating a distorted view of the overcast February night. It came down like Heaven was hurting and it felt like it'd been dark since God knew when. Kagome rested her back against the wall of the exaggerated window sill and pulled her tired eyes from the cold outside her hospital room to the television that had caught her attention.
“...Perdition. Videos of the attack have been posted online and have created quite a following worldwide. Since the initial video shown here, several have been linked from various websites, revealing for certain that the two members of Perdition were clearly defending themselves from a provoked attack. When questioned why these videos were not taken into account that resulted in the local band being disqualified, contest officials denied comment. Since then, a website has been established to prove Perdition's innocence and have since filed a petition against War of the Bands promoters for their false charges against the band. Members of Vindication of Masses, the mob responsible for the attack, have been since charged and will be facing trial for the attack at a later date. Perdition's manager could not be reached for comment, but rumour in the entertainment industry states that several agencies are clamouring to sign-”
“Ah, never mind, it seems you heard the news.”
Startled, Kagome placed a hand over her heart as she watched Miroku saunter into the room. His hair was slicked back and the knees of his jeans were soaked from the runoff of rain on his jacket. She eased back when he took off his coat and shook it to the side before bouncing his rear onto the unmade bed.
“You look well,” he smiled as he gestured to her position against the window. “I hear you're being discharged tomorrow.”
Kagome nodded as she straightened her body against the sill, pulling her legs into a cross. “The damage on the nerve wasn't as extensive as they thought. With continued physio, I should gain the strength back in my legs.”
“That's great! Good as new, eh?”
“Yeah,” she lifted her lips in a mock smile as she flipped through the channels. “In time, it'll be like it never happened.”
She could feel his sharp grey eyes search her thoroughly and she suddenly felt exposed. It wasn't like her to attack like this, and the silence of his stare made the guilt inside her itch. She shrugged a shoulder as if to wipe the feeling away and sighed with an easier smile. “Sorry,” she cut him a quick glance, “it'll be good to be home again.”
His grin made the grey less scrutinizing as he rubbed warmth back into his damp legs. “It'll be good to have you back again. With the potential for Perdition to be signed, we need our star drummer back and Kouga hasn't been cutting it.”
The smile swept off her face like a cold slap. She turned to face the window once more. “I won't be coming back.”
She heard him let out a hard sigh. “I never expected you of all people to give up.”
The pain of that statement was enough to make her breath catch. She peered down to her lap. “It's not giving up. It's giving in.”
“And there's a difference?”
She lifted her eyes to the flow of water against the glass pane. “It's in who makes the choice.”
“Ah, so you believe that InuYasha has made that choice for you?”
She could feel the tension ride up her shoulders as she fought against the hurt and anger that welled up behind her eyes. “It's been almost two months since the shooting, and he still hasn't come. I'd been holding out and holding on until the last possible moment. I leave for home tomorrow, and he's still not here.” Her jaw ached as she held off the shivers of raw torment. “I've stopped hoping, Miro. There's no point in going back.”
The silence between them grew to an unbearable hum. She wondered if he'd take this moment to leave and let her be. The last thing she needed was another shoulder to cry on. She was given enough through psychologists and friends to a point where everything had been analyzed to death - except the truth. So she felt betrayed, heartbroken, abandoned? Yes, all of it. But the worst of it was that she felt lost. And she couldn't understand why.
“Did I ever tell you how InuYasha and I met?”
Surprised at the turn of the conversation, Kagome shook her head numbly. “You once mentioned a halfway house?”
“Yeah,” he coughed lightly, “right about the time his mother was admitted into the hospital after his dad died. Seemed he had a falling out with his friends and family, so he turned rogue I guess. But he wasn't all bad, just petty things and the like. Nothing to get worked up over. The halfway house was more a warning slapped on him. He could've easily called his brother and gone home. But he didn't. I don't know if it was stupid pride or foolish sacrifice. Maybe a bit of both.” He stretched his legs and pulled the heavy fabric from his thighs. “You see, this wasn't a place where bad boys turned good, or were helped to mend their ways and become better members of society. It was a place to be punished. And punished in the most evil ways possible.”
Kagome suddenly felt chilled and a sickening wave made her shiver. “Please, Miro, don't tell me that.”
His face twisted in a disturbed smile. “It was funded by a private organization and run by priests. After a day of being beaten for our sins, we were to spend the night praying for penance for those who punished us. None was punished more than InuYasha.”
Kagome clapped her hands on her ears and shook her head, trying desperately to shut him out, to ignore what cut the sharpest edge to a man she wanted to forget. “I don't want to hear anymore, Miroku, please stop.”
His warm hand gripped her wrist and she reluctantly pulled her hands free to look up at him with tear stained eyes.
“Please, no.”
He smiled sadly as he stood next to her, blocking everything but him from her sight. “He could have gone home, but he stayed to protect me. Orphaned and homeless, I was a favourite among them, since I had no one to turn to if I could. For whatever reason, Yash decided to take me under his wing. He took the brunt of my punishments by acting out, drawing the attention away from me. He took the worst possible punishments for an entire year, just so I could...stay sane,” he shrugged. “At night, instead of prayers, he just talked to me. Told me about his life, his father. And slowly, when my fear started to lessen, I told him about my past. We became best friends, more like brothers. I can never love a man more than him. He kept me alive when I was certain I was ready to end it all. Then, one day, by some God touched miracle, a man who was an old friend of my father's arrived and took me out of there. Said he received word about what was happening to me, and he couldn't allow the son of his best friend to be raised in such conditions. So instead, I was raised by a drunk monk who subscribed to hentai and yuri porns. He was a good man. And I'm glad InuYasha found him to take me in, however he did it.”
Kagome could barely listen anymore. Her body trembled in sickness and grief. “That's why he hates believers so much.”
“Hard to love the man who abuses you then tells you to pray for his forgiveness.” Miroku leaned against the wall before her. “InuYasha had a hard time seeing the good in anyone who held faith from then on. He thought it was a pedestal the most vile placed themselves on, to give power over the weak. He was hard pressed not to believe there wasn't a hidden demon inside you when you walked up on that stage. He feared you like he feared nothing else. You were a reminder of his lost innocence.”
She shook her head and held back a sob. “I didn't know.”
“And that was a good thing.”
She peered up at him in tearful question. His smile grew thoughtful.
“You held no pretences, no blame or judgement. You were honest to every degree - and he didn't trust you. You offered friendship without asking for change. You took each of us for what we were and loved us for it. And he hated you for it. But most of all, you believed in a man who didn't believe in himself. You did it without knowing anything about him. And that changed everything.”
A stifled cry passed her lips as she let out a painful gasp. “But it didn't change a thing! If it had he'd be here! But he's not. The only thing it proved was that I believed in a man who didn't believe in me. Who still fears me, who still doesn't trust me and who still hates me.”
“Kagome....”
“Where is he, Miroku?” She rounded on him, her lips trembling and her body shaking with cold and numbing hurt. “What's changed?”
He licked his lips slowly and she could tell he was trying to choose his words wisely. “He has.”
She wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh or slap him. Either case, it blew the wind from her sails and she shook her head. “I'm sorry that I can't believe that.”
He winced. “He's getting himself cleaned up, he's doing everything he can now to make amends to a life he hated.”
She looked up to the ceiling as helpless tears streamed down her cheeks. She sniffed. “If he's doing this for me-”
“He's not.” He sounded urgent. “He's doing it for himself. Don't you see? You finally gave him the courage to lead his own life, and to make it a good one. You need to see that.”
She blinked, the last of the tears falling to her lap as she turned to stare at him dead on with hopelessness. “Then where is he?”
Miroku turned to stare helplessly at the door, then slowly back at her. “I don't know.”
Kagome shifted back to the window and she ached when she spoke. “Everyone changes.” The back of her fingers traced the carved pathways of rain down the pane. “But it doesn't change how I feel.”
-+-
Miroku stepped out of the hospital room, closing the door behind him with a last glimpse of Kagome staring out the window. With a heavy sigh, he turned and nearly bumped into a man wearing a black, damp hoodie. Glancing up at the hooded figure, he relaxed.
“I didn't expect you to be here.”
InuYasha blinked tiredly at the door. “I'm always here.”
“Then why haven't you gone in to see her?” Miroku thrust his finger toward the room. “You just standing here isn't doing either of you any good!”
InuYasha sighed as he eyed the empty waiting room. “This is the first time no one else has been here. I never felt comfortable facing her with others knowing. There was never a good time.”
“Now is the perfect time, what are you waiting for?”
InuYasha just shook his head. “I waited too long now. I heard what she said in there. How can she ever forgive me?”
“You not doing anything will certainly help.” Miroku frowned. He watched his friend wipe his damp face and turn to lean his back against the concrete wall.
“I need to make her listen.” InuYasha rasped. “She needs to know how I really feel.”
“Then tell her.”
He turned weary eyes upon the door. “I don't know how. Maybe I need to give it more time.”
“Time is not what she needs.” Miroku placed a hand upon his shoulder. “You need to give her faith.”
InuYasha scowled. “How will that help?”
“I know that look she carries. She's lost her strength, Inu.”
He paled. “But she's better now.”
Miroku shook his head. “Her strength was her faith. You need to give it back to her.”
The panicked look on the poor man's face was enough to make Miroku want to smile until the helplessness in his friend's voice sobered him.
“I can't give her that. I have no idea what the hell it is.”
“Faith is believing.” Miroku shrugged. “You need to give her something to believe in.”
“Like what?”
“The only thing worth needing. She needs faith in love.”
The stunned look of realization dawning on InuYasha's face gave Miroku pause. “What?”
InuYasha shut his eyes and nodded. “I get it. I get it now. Something anyone can give. Something that everyone needs. Something so simple, you never realized you believed in it all along.” His golden eyes opened warm and sad as he looked at the door to her room. “She knew from the beginning, and it took me forever to find something that was always there.”
Miroku raised a brow. “So, what are you going to do?”
InuYasha studied the door before turning to look at him. “I think...I need to start from the beginning.”
-+-
One month later.
“Come on, Kagome, we're going to be late!” Ayame pulled the car door open and ushered frantically for her to get out of the car.
Kagome grasped the handle of her cane as she lifted herself out of the passenger seat and gazed up at the banner lifted between two shattered buildings. “Children of War Charity Concert.”
“Isn't it amazing?” Ayame gushed as she slammed the door shut with a thud and pulled her across the lot. “Local bands have volunteered their time to perform tonight and all donations will be given to charities devoted to children who were damaged by the war. Even the Shikon House will get proceeds!”
Kagome couldn't help but smile, the happiness from her friend was contagious. She turned back to the scene in front of her. A mass of vehicles were parked in an organized fashion over the bulldozed remains of the Southern Block. Sesshomaru had bought the land nearly two months ago. It was his hope to redevelop the land and create new homes and businesses, helping those who lost so much during the war to have a new start. The Shrine would soon stand as a monument to all those lost but never forgotten. It was odd seeing the beginning stages of clearing. Buildings were knocked down and debris scraped clean to make the land look new and ready for growth. Sutras and charms were placed on markers scattered around the site, giving respect to the spirits as the taint was slowly being absolved. She breathed in deep. It felt...free.
“I hear this new band will be the main feature.” Ayame brought her attention back as she lead her from the lot towards the sound of music in the distance. “Redemption has been topping the charts these last two weeks. I can't wait to hear them.” She gave Kagome a quick glance. “Would've been cool to hear you guys play, though.”
Kagome just nodded as she moved to keep up with Ayame's excited stride. She barely had a limp now, but from time to time her legs became weak. And standing for a few hours at a charity concert to help the orphanage would definitely tax them.
“Wait up, Aya,” she puffed as she hurried her pace. “We can hear the music from here, we're not missing anything.”
“I know, but I promised Kouga I'd meet him ten minutes ago.” She grabbed her hand and began to pull her for more speed.
Kagome could only laugh as she kicked up her pace and caught up with a few stragglers who were also jogging toward the ground stage constructed for the concert. Several lights and speakers were set up in a wide arc, while a band played in the centre of the crowd who jumped and cheered along to the music. As Kagome pulled closer to the heavy mob, her lips parted in shock.
Several people were heavily scarred or missing limbs. They all wore clothes that revealed their differences, and those who came hiding them were soon pulling off shirts or pants to join them.
“Ayame?” Kagome pulled her hand back, making Ayame stop short to look at her.
Grinning from ear to ear, Ayame said, “A charity concert for the children of war. Not everyone came with wings.”
Kagome could only gape as she took in everyone around her before Ayame pulled her hand and moved her through the crowd.
“Look, there's Kouga.” Ayame pointed as she let their hands go.
Following her gaze, Kagome frowned in confusion. The man stood about fifty yards away and was strumming absently on a guitar next to a speaker. Beside him was Sango, Kohaku and Miroku. Kouga, she then noticed, was shirtless and she could see a blast of scar tissue above his left pectoral as he moved back and forth on the platform.
Blinking in morbid curiosity, she ushered herself forward to get a better view before gasping in surprise. Sitting on a stool in the middle of the platform was InuYasha. His long hair shone silky and soft down his exposed chest where a white button up shirt lay fully open to compliment his defined features.
What was he doing here? Her eye cut quickly to Ayame who smiled next to her.
“Surprise,” she said.
“Ayame?” Kagome could barely contain her emotions, but couldn't decide which wanted out first. Hurt, confusion, anger, and a fathomless ache she had been desperately trying to ignore for the last three months.
“It's because of you this is all happening,” Ayame explained as she nodded to InuYasha. “He did this.”
“W-why?”
Ayame giggled. “What other reason could there be?”
Kagome slowly looked around her, seeing the smiling and joyous faces of the scarred and beaten people. She bit her lip as she fought the burn behind her eyes. “I don't understand. He never came for me.”
“He never spoke to you, but he was always there. He was too ashamed to show himself. What you did, Kagome, was gave him sight to the truth he'd been denying his whole life.”
“What truth?”
“That he did have a soul.”
Kagome breathed in deep and held it, the tears threatening to fall in a torment of both happy and bitter pain. With a gasp, she shook her head. “What do you mean he was always there?”
“He had spent his days in rehab. Kouga said he's been going through steps to reform his life. It was hard for him to ask his friends' forgiveness, but more so his own. He had more than his body he needed cleared. But with you,” Ayame smiled sadly, “he couldn't seek forgiveness.”
With no fight left, a tear escaped her hold. “Why? What did he need me to forgive?”
“Everything that he was.” Ayame sighed. “He blamed his life for you nearly losing yours. He couldn't face a waiting room of people who also blamed him.”
“Who would do such a thing?”
“I did, for awhile.” Ayame lifted her lips wanly. “His friends. But Hojo was the worst. His fury kept his name from being spoken by any of us. He would've been happy had InuYasha never shadowed your door again. But he did. Every night.”
“What do you mean by that?”
Her friend nodded her head to the stage. “When everyone had gone home, he came. By then you slept, and he never wanted to wake you. But he watched over you until the day you left.”
A shattered sob came over her and she clutched her cane for support. “Every night?”
Ayame nodded. “And the fool never gathered the courage to talk to you. It took us a long time to figure out why.”
Kagome sniffed. “So why?”
“You gave him his soul, Kagome. He was terrified you would take it away.”
“Terrified? How could I possibly-”
“You are his soul, Kagome. Could you blame the poor man for being terrified in losing you when he nearly did? What could he ever say after all that happened so you could really understand?” Ayame turned her attention toward the stage. “This is his redemption.”
Redemption. Kagome pulled her eyes from her friend to her old band gathering on stage to the sound of applause. “How,” she shouted over the din. “How did this- “
Ayame nodded her head beyond the stage. Kagome followed her gaze to the farther field to see Hojo sorting through several forms as Sesshomaru chatted on a cell beside him.
“Hojo?”
“InuYasha came to him just soon after you were released. I can't say that their meeting was friendly, but somehow they came to an understanding. It was Hojo that suggested this charity concert. Sess and they did the rest of the work. All I had to do was get you here.”
Kagome was flabbergasted. “It would have been so much simpler had he just talked to me.”
“Ah, but those are just words. Music is the voice of the soul.”
“How are they any different?”
Ayame smiled as she quickly gave her a glance. “Music is meant to be listened to.”
Kagome's lips parted as she turned back to the stage. She watched him scan the audience before looking dolefully down to his acoustic guitar on his lap. Within seconds, he began to sing, following with the beginning strums to the guitar. Kagome held her breath as a hush fell over the people.
If you just walked away What could I really say? Would it matter anyway? Would it change how you feel?
I am the mess you chose The closet you cannot close The devil in you I suppose 'Cause the wounds never heal
But everything changes if I could Turn back the years, If you could learn to forgive me Then I could learn to feel
Sometimes the things I say In moments of disarray Succumbing the games we play To make sure that it's real
But everything changes if I could Turn back the years If you could learn to forgive me Then I could learn to feel
Kagome's heart thudded hard and hot against her chest as she roamed her gaze around the stage. Kohaku and Sango stood together and played, her piano keys hit hard in sync with the chime of his guitar. Stepping into the band area, Kanna, Souten, and Jim joined the band members while Shippou leaped onto another set of drums, together reaching a height of timbre and sound that made her feel her blood flow. They soon wound down and Kagome couldn't help but turn back to InuYasha. He seemed hesitant to continue before his voice carried over to her.
When it's just me and you Who knows what we could do If we could just make it through The toughest part of the day....
His lips lifted in a wavering smile before he bitterly pulled hard against the strings.
But everything changes if I could Turn back the years If you could learn to forgive me Then I could learn how to feel Then we could stay here together And we could conquer the world If we could say that forever Is more than just a word
If you just walked away What could I really say It wouldn't matter anyway It wouldn't change how you feel
His eyes lifted and met hers dead on. His cheeks, flushed and warm soon paled as he pulled the guitar strap from his shoulder and set it on the ground. Hopping off the stool he slowly stepped onto the dirt and waited for the crowd to part to reveal only the two of them.
Silence passed between them as their eyes searched each other, until a single phrase passed from his lips like a pleading need.
“I'm sorry.” He inhaled a shaky breath. “God, I'm so sorry.”
Kagome remained quiet as his hand reached for her then fell to his side. “I wanted so badly...but I was afraid. What you did, I could never...hope to redeem. My life is yours, it always has been.” He licked his shaking lips. “I love you. I know now it counts for nothing-”
He stopped when her fingers pressed against his lips.
Her mouth trembled as she struggled to smile through her tears. “When it comes down to nothing, there's only one thing you can do.”
He lifted his hand to grip, hard and hopeful, on hers as he brought it down between them. “What's that?” he whispered.
Her eyes drifted down to his lips before meeting his eyes with a beautiful smile. “Believe.”
Before she had time to breath his lips met hers in an aching but giving kiss. And it wasn't a kiss that dominated or possessed. But one that passed his heart and his soul to her, to love, to cherish, to protect.
And she took it with all the love she had.
-+-
A/N: Everything Changes by Staind.
Sorry for the delay, was a rough week. My dog of 12 years died. I dedicate this chapter to her, my beloved Rain. Without rain, there can be no rainbows.
Through the tears, I'll live, love and laugh because of you.
WDW
“...Perdition. Videos of the attack have been posted online and have created quite a following worldwide. Since the initial video shown here, several have been linked from various websites, revealing for certain that the two members of Perdition were clearly defending themselves from a provoked attack. When questioned why these videos were not taken into account that resulted in the local band being disqualified, contest officials denied comment. Since then, a website has been established to prove Perdition's innocence and have since filed a petition against War of the Bands promoters for their false charges against the band. Members of Vindication of Masses, the mob responsible for the attack, have been since charged and will be facing trial for the attack at a later date. Perdition's manager could not be reached for comment, but rumour in the entertainment industry states that several agencies are clamouring to sign-”
“Ah, never mind, it seems you heard the news.”
Startled, Kagome placed a hand over her heart as she watched Miroku saunter into the room. His hair was slicked back and the knees of his jeans were soaked from the runoff of rain on his jacket. She eased back when he took off his coat and shook it to the side before bouncing his rear onto the unmade bed.
“You look well,” he smiled as he gestured to her position against the window. “I hear you're being discharged tomorrow.”
Kagome nodded as she straightened her body against the sill, pulling her legs into a cross. “The damage on the nerve wasn't as extensive as they thought. With continued physio, I should gain the strength back in my legs.”
“That's great! Good as new, eh?”
“Yeah,” she lifted her lips in a mock smile as she flipped through the channels. “In time, it'll be like it never happened.”
She could feel his sharp grey eyes search her thoroughly and she suddenly felt exposed. It wasn't like her to attack like this, and the silence of his stare made the guilt inside her itch. She shrugged a shoulder as if to wipe the feeling away and sighed with an easier smile. “Sorry,” she cut him a quick glance, “it'll be good to be home again.”
His grin made the grey less scrutinizing as he rubbed warmth back into his damp legs. “It'll be good to have you back again. With the potential for Perdition to be signed, we need our star drummer back and Kouga hasn't been cutting it.”
The smile swept off her face like a cold slap. She turned to face the window once more. “I won't be coming back.”
She heard him let out a hard sigh. “I never expected you of all people to give up.”
The pain of that statement was enough to make her breath catch. She peered down to her lap. “It's not giving up. It's giving in.”
“And there's a difference?”
She lifted her eyes to the flow of water against the glass pane. “It's in who makes the choice.”
“Ah, so you believe that InuYasha has made that choice for you?”
She could feel the tension ride up her shoulders as she fought against the hurt and anger that welled up behind her eyes. “It's been almost two months since the shooting, and he still hasn't come. I'd been holding out and holding on until the last possible moment. I leave for home tomorrow, and he's still not here.” Her jaw ached as she held off the shivers of raw torment. “I've stopped hoping, Miro. There's no point in going back.”
The silence between them grew to an unbearable hum. She wondered if he'd take this moment to leave and let her be. The last thing she needed was another shoulder to cry on. She was given enough through psychologists and friends to a point where everything had been analyzed to death - except the truth. So she felt betrayed, heartbroken, abandoned? Yes, all of it. But the worst of it was that she felt lost. And she couldn't understand why.
“Did I ever tell you how InuYasha and I met?”
Surprised at the turn of the conversation, Kagome shook her head numbly. “You once mentioned a halfway house?”
“Yeah,” he coughed lightly, “right about the time his mother was admitted into the hospital after his dad died. Seemed he had a falling out with his friends and family, so he turned rogue I guess. But he wasn't all bad, just petty things and the like. Nothing to get worked up over. The halfway house was more a warning slapped on him. He could've easily called his brother and gone home. But he didn't. I don't know if it was stupid pride or foolish sacrifice. Maybe a bit of both.” He stretched his legs and pulled the heavy fabric from his thighs. “You see, this wasn't a place where bad boys turned good, or were helped to mend their ways and become better members of society. It was a place to be punished. And punished in the most evil ways possible.”
Kagome suddenly felt chilled and a sickening wave made her shiver. “Please, Miro, don't tell me that.”
His face twisted in a disturbed smile. “It was funded by a private organization and run by priests. After a day of being beaten for our sins, we were to spend the night praying for penance for those who punished us. None was punished more than InuYasha.”
Kagome clapped her hands on her ears and shook her head, trying desperately to shut him out, to ignore what cut the sharpest edge to a man she wanted to forget. “I don't want to hear anymore, Miroku, please stop.”
His warm hand gripped her wrist and she reluctantly pulled her hands free to look up at him with tear stained eyes.
“Please, no.”
He smiled sadly as he stood next to her, blocking everything but him from her sight. “He could have gone home, but he stayed to protect me. Orphaned and homeless, I was a favourite among them, since I had no one to turn to if I could. For whatever reason, Yash decided to take me under his wing. He took the brunt of my punishments by acting out, drawing the attention away from me. He took the worst possible punishments for an entire year, just so I could...stay sane,” he shrugged. “At night, instead of prayers, he just talked to me. Told me about his life, his father. And slowly, when my fear started to lessen, I told him about my past. We became best friends, more like brothers. I can never love a man more than him. He kept me alive when I was certain I was ready to end it all. Then, one day, by some God touched miracle, a man who was an old friend of my father's arrived and took me out of there. Said he received word about what was happening to me, and he couldn't allow the son of his best friend to be raised in such conditions. So instead, I was raised by a drunk monk who subscribed to hentai and yuri porns. He was a good man. And I'm glad InuYasha found him to take me in, however he did it.”
Kagome could barely listen anymore. Her body trembled in sickness and grief. “That's why he hates believers so much.”
“Hard to love the man who abuses you then tells you to pray for his forgiveness.” Miroku leaned against the wall before her. “InuYasha had a hard time seeing the good in anyone who held faith from then on. He thought it was a pedestal the most vile placed themselves on, to give power over the weak. He was hard pressed not to believe there wasn't a hidden demon inside you when you walked up on that stage. He feared you like he feared nothing else. You were a reminder of his lost innocence.”
She shook her head and held back a sob. “I didn't know.”
“And that was a good thing.”
She peered up at him in tearful question. His smile grew thoughtful.
“You held no pretences, no blame or judgement. You were honest to every degree - and he didn't trust you. You offered friendship without asking for change. You took each of us for what we were and loved us for it. And he hated you for it. But most of all, you believed in a man who didn't believe in himself. You did it without knowing anything about him. And that changed everything.”
A stifled cry passed her lips as she let out a painful gasp. “But it didn't change a thing! If it had he'd be here! But he's not. The only thing it proved was that I believed in a man who didn't believe in me. Who still fears me, who still doesn't trust me and who still hates me.”
“Kagome....”
“Where is he, Miroku?” She rounded on him, her lips trembling and her body shaking with cold and numbing hurt. “What's changed?”
He licked his lips slowly and she could tell he was trying to choose his words wisely. “He has.”
She wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh or slap him. Either case, it blew the wind from her sails and she shook her head. “I'm sorry that I can't believe that.”
He winced. “He's getting himself cleaned up, he's doing everything he can now to make amends to a life he hated.”
She looked up to the ceiling as helpless tears streamed down her cheeks. She sniffed. “If he's doing this for me-”
“He's not.” He sounded urgent. “He's doing it for himself. Don't you see? You finally gave him the courage to lead his own life, and to make it a good one. You need to see that.”
She blinked, the last of the tears falling to her lap as she turned to stare at him dead on with hopelessness. “Then where is he?”
Miroku turned to stare helplessly at the door, then slowly back at her. “I don't know.”
Kagome shifted back to the window and she ached when she spoke. “Everyone changes.” The back of her fingers traced the carved pathways of rain down the pane. “But it doesn't change how I feel.”
-+-
Miroku stepped out of the hospital room, closing the door behind him with a last glimpse of Kagome staring out the window. With a heavy sigh, he turned and nearly bumped into a man wearing a black, damp hoodie. Glancing up at the hooded figure, he relaxed.
“I didn't expect you to be here.”
InuYasha blinked tiredly at the door. “I'm always here.”
“Then why haven't you gone in to see her?” Miroku thrust his finger toward the room. “You just standing here isn't doing either of you any good!”
InuYasha sighed as he eyed the empty waiting room. “This is the first time no one else has been here. I never felt comfortable facing her with others knowing. There was never a good time.”
“Now is the perfect time, what are you waiting for?”
InuYasha just shook his head. “I waited too long now. I heard what she said in there. How can she ever forgive me?”
“You not doing anything will certainly help.” Miroku frowned. He watched his friend wipe his damp face and turn to lean his back against the concrete wall.
“I need to make her listen.” InuYasha rasped. “She needs to know how I really feel.”
“Then tell her.”
He turned weary eyes upon the door. “I don't know how. Maybe I need to give it more time.”
“Time is not what she needs.” Miroku placed a hand upon his shoulder. “You need to give her faith.”
InuYasha scowled. “How will that help?”
“I know that look she carries. She's lost her strength, Inu.”
He paled. “But she's better now.”
Miroku shook his head. “Her strength was her faith. You need to give it back to her.”
The panicked look on the poor man's face was enough to make Miroku want to smile until the helplessness in his friend's voice sobered him.
“I can't give her that. I have no idea what the hell it is.”
“Faith is believing.” Miroku shrugged. “You need to give her something to believe in.”
“Like what?”
“The only thing worth needing. She needs faith in love.”
The stunned look of realization dawning on InuYasha's face gave Miroku pause. “What?”
InuYasha shut his eyes and nodded. “I get it. I get it now. Something anyone can give. Something that everyone needs. Something so simple, you never realized you believed in it all along.” His golden eyes opened warm and sad as he looked at the door to her room. “She knew from the beginning, and it took me forever to find something that was always there.”
Miroku raised a brow. “So, what are you going to do?”
InuYasha studied the door before turning to look at him. “I think...I need to start from the beginning.”
-+-
One month later.
“Come on, Kagome, we're going to be late!” Ayame pulled the car door open and ushered frantically for her to get out of the car.
Kagome grasped the handle of her cane as she lifted herself out of the passenger seat and gazed up at the banner lifted between two shattered buildings. “Children of War Charity Concert.”
“Isn't it amazing?” Ayame gushed as she slammed the door shut with a thud and pulled her across the lot. “Local bands have volunteered their time to perform tonight and all donations will be given to charities devoted to children who were damaged by the war. Even the Shikon House will get proceeds!”
Kagome couldn't help but smile, the happiness from her friend was contagious. She turned back to the scene in front of her. A mass of vehicles were parked in an organized fashion over the bulldozed remains of the Southern Block. Sesshomaru had bought the land nearly two months ago. It was his hope to redevelop the land and create new homes and businesses, helping those who lost so much during the war to have a new start. The Shrine would soon stand as a monument to all those lost but never forgotten. It was odd seeing the beginning stages of clearing. Buildings were knocked down and debris scraped clean to make the land look new and ready for growth. Sutras and charms were placed on markers scattered around the site, giving respect to the spirits as the taint was slowly being absolved. She breathed in deep. It felt...free.
“I hear this new band will be the main feature.” Ayame brought her attention back as she lead her from the lot towards the sound of music in the distance. “Redemption has been topping the charts these last two weeks. I can't wait to hear them.” She gave Kagome a quick glance. “Would've been cool to hear you guys play, though.”
Kagome just nodded as she moved to keep up with Ayame's excited stride. She barely had a limp now, but from time to time her legs became weak. And standing for a few hours at a charity concert to help the orphanage would definitely tax them.
“Wait up, Aya,” she puffed as she hurried her pace. “We can hear the music from here, we're not missing anything.”
“I know, but I promised Kouga I'd meet him ten minutes ago.” She grabbed her hand and began to pull her for more speed.
Kagome could only laugh as she kicked up her pace and caught up with a few stragglers who were also jogging toward the ground stage constructed for the concert. Several lights and speakers were set up in a wide arc, while a band played in the centre of the crowd who jumped and cheered along to the music. As Kagome pulled closer to the heavy mob, her lips parted in shock.
Several people were heavily scarred or missing limbs. They all wore clothes that revealed their differences, and those who came hiding them were soon pulling off shirts or pants to join them.
“Ayame?” Kagome pulled her hand back, making Ayame stop short to look at her.
Grinning from ear to ear, Ayame said, “A charity concert for the children of war. Not everyone came with wings.”
Kagome could only gape as she took in everyone around her before Ayame pulled her hand and moved her through the crowd.
“Look, there's Kouga.” Ayame pointed as she let their hands go.
Following her gaze, Kagome frowned in confusion. The man stood about fifty yards away and was strumming absently on a guitar next to a speaker. Beside him was Sango, Kohaku and Miroku. Kouga, she then noticed, was shirtless and she could see a blast of scar tissue above his left pectoral as he moved back and forth on the platform.
Blinking in morbid curiosity, she ushered herself forward to get a better view before gasping in surprise. Sitting on a stool in the middle of the platform was InuYasha. His long hair shone silky and soft down his exposed chest where a white button up shirt lay fully open to compliment his defined features.
What was he doing here? Her eye cut quickly to Ayame who smiled next to her.
“Surprise,” she said.
“Ayame?” Kagome could barely contain her emotions, but couldn't decide which wanted out first. Hurt, confusion, anger, and a fathomless ache she had been desperately trying to ignore for the last three months.
“It's because of you this is all happening,” Ayame explained as she nodded to InuYasha. “He did this.”
“W-why?”
Ayame giggled. “What other reason could there be?”
Kagome slowly looked around her, seeing the smiling and joyous faces of the scarred and beaten people. She bit her lip as she fought the burn behind her eyes. “I don't understand. He never came for me.”
“He never spoke to you, but he was always there. He was too ashamed to show himself. What you did, Kagome, was gave him sight to the truth he'd been denying his whole life.”
“What truth?”
“That he did have a soul.”
Kagome breathed in deep and held it, the tears threatening to fall in a torment of both happy and bitter pain. With a gasp, she shook her head. “What do you mean he was always there?”
“He had spent his days in rehab. Kouga said he's been going through steps to reform his life. It was hard for him to ask his friends' forgiveness, but more so his own. He had more than his body he needed cleared. But with you,” Ayame smiled sadly, “he couldn't seek forgiveness.”
With no fight left, a tear escaped her hold. “Why? What did he need me to forgive?”
“Everything that he was.” Ayame sighed. “He blamed his life for you nearly losing yours. He couldn't face a waiting room of people who also blamed him.”
“Who would do such a thing?”
“I did, for awhile.” Ayame lifted her lips wanly. “His friends. But Hojo was the worst. His fury kept his name from being spoken by any of us. He would've been happy had InuYasha never shadowed your door again. But he did. Every night.”
“What do you mean by that?”
Her friend nodded her head to the stage. “When everyone had gone home, he came. By then you slept, and he never wanted to wake you. But he watched over you until the day you left.”
A shattered sob came over her and she clutched her cane for support. “Every night?”
Ayame nodded. “And the fool never gathered the courage to talk to you. It took us a long time to figure out why.”
Kagome sniffed. “So why?”
“You gave him his soul, Kagome. He was terrified you would take it away.”
“Terrified? How could I possibly-”
“You are his soul, Kagome. Could you blame the poor man for being terrified in losing you when he nearly did? What could he ever say after all that happened so you could really understand?” Ayame turned her attention toward the stage. “This is his redemption.”
Redemption. Kagome pulled her eyes from her friend to her old band gathering on stage to the sound of applause. “How,” she shouted over the din. “How did this- “
Ayame nodded her head beyond the stage. Kagome followed her gaze to the farther field to see Hojo sorting through several forms as Sesshomaru chatted on a cell beside him.
“Hojo?”
“InuYasha came to him just soon after you were released. I can't say that their meeting was friendly, but somehow they came to an understanding. It was Hojo that suggested this charity concert. Sess and they did the rest of the work. All I had to do was get you here.”
Kagome was flabbergasted. “It would have been so much simpler had he just talked to me.”
“Ah, but those are just words. Music is the voice of the soul.”
“How are they any different?”
Ayame smiled as she quickly gave her a glance. “Music is meant to be listened to.”
Kagome's lips parted as she turned back to the stage. She watched him scan the audience before looking dolefully down to his acoustic guitar on his lap. Within seconds, he began to sing, following with the beginning strums to the guitar. Kagome held her breath as a hush fell over the people.
If you just walked away What could I really say? Would it matter anyway? Would it change how you feel?
I am the mess you chose The closet you cannot close The devil in you I suppose 'Cause the wounds never heal
But everything changes if I could Turn back the years, If you could learn to forgive me Then I could learn to feel
Sometimes the things I say In moments of disarray Succumbing the games we play To make sure that it's real
But everything changes if I could Turn back the years If you could learn to forgive me Then I could learn to feel
Kagome's heart thudded hard and hot against her chest as she roamed her gaze around the stage. Kohaku and Sango stood together and played, her piano keys hit hard in sync with the chime of his guitar. Stepping into the band area, Kanna, Souten, and Jim joined the band members while Shippou leaped onto another set of drums, together reaching a height of timbre and sound that made her feel her blood flow. They soon wound down and Kagome couldn't help but turn back to InuYasha. He seemed hesitant to continue before his voice carried over to her.
When it's just me and you Who knows what we could do If we could just make it through The toughest part of the day....
His lips lifted in a wavering smile before he bitterly pulled hard against the strings.
But everything changes if I could Turn back the years If you could learn to forgive me Then I could learn how to feel Then we could stay here together And we could conquer the world If we could say that forever Is more than just a word
If you just walked away What could I really say It wouldn't matter anyway It wouldn't change how you feel
His eyes lifted and met hers dead on. His cheeks, flushed and warm soon paled as he pulled the guitar strap from his shoulder and set it on the ground. Hopping off the stool he slowly stepped onto the dirt and waited for the crowd to part to reveal only the two of them.
Silence passed between them as their eyes searched each other, until a single phrase passed from his lips like a pleading need.
“I'm sorry.” He inhaled a shaky breath. “God, I'm so sorry.”
Kagome remained quiet as his hand reached for her then fell to his side. “I wanted so badly...but I was afraid. What you did, I could never...hope to redeem. My life is yours, it always has been.” He licked his shaking lips. “I love you. I know now it counts for nothing-”
He stopped when her fingers pressed against his lips.
Her mouth trembled as she struggled to smile through her tears. “When it comes down to nothing, there's only one thing you can do.”
He lifted his hand to grip, hard and hopeful, on hers as he brought it down between them. “What's that?” he whispered.
Her eyes drifted down to his lips before meeting his eyes with a beautiful smile. “Believe.”
Before she had time to breath his lips met hers in an aching but giving kiss. And it wasn't a kiss that dominated or possessed. But one that passed his heart and his soul to her, to love, to cherish, to protect.
And she took it with all the love she had.
-+-
A/N: Everything Changes by Staind.
Sorry for the delay, was a rough week. My dog of 12 years died. I dedicate this chapter to her, my beloved Rain. Without rain, there can be no rainbows.
Through the tears, I'll live, love and laugh because of you.
WDW