InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Fart-zen Master Series ❯ Naraku ( Chapter 1 )

“What is the meaning of this?” Naraku is strapped to a chair in a dark room with a spotlight on him.

 

“There is no use in struggling. That chair was specially made to hold any cartoon character! For goodness sake it's a 3-D paper chair! Mwa, ha, ha!” said a voice from the darkness.

 

Suddenly the person stepped into the light, and was reveled to be none other than the authoress, me! DUN, Dun, ddduunn. ^_^! “Hi, everybody!”

 

“Who are you talking to I'm the only one here?”

 

“Shut up, Naraku! I'm talking to the readers!” I walk up to Naraku. “Any who, I thought you wanted know why you're here?”

 

“You pathetic human release me.” He said in his `I'm more dominant than you' voice.

 

^_^ “Nope!” Sits in Naraku's lap.

 

“Why you miserable little whelp! How dare you disobey me! Don't you know I could easily rip you apart?”

 

“Hah! How cute you think you have any control of you fate here.^_^ Don't you understand I'm in control here. …You know what. This is exactly why I brought you here. You're way too high strong.”

 

“What?! I'm the calmest on the show beside Shessho-Maru, and I don't know of this `What' person!”

 

“Damn it!>_<# Your right….Oh, well!” ^_^ Jumps off Naraku's lap, and a second spotlight comes on revealing a big red button with warning signs all around it. I skipped over to it happily. “Now all I have to do is press da button, and it will send you to the Fart-zen master!”

 

“Are you sure you should press that button, and what the hell is a Fart-zen master?”

 

“Well, no duh! I'm going to press a big red button with signs telling me not what kind of logic is it not to?! Oh, and a Fart-zen master is a master of Fart-zen, durr! I thought you were suppose to be smart!”

 

With a vein pulsing in his head Naraku asked, “What is Fart-zen?”

 

-_- “I'm so glad you asked. Fart-zen is a highly recommended art for relieving stress. The school I'm sending you has one of the best Fart-zen masters in the world. NOW TIME TO PRESS THE BIG RED BUTTON!” !

 

“NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO00000000000000ooooooooooooooooooo… ” Naraku was dumped out of the chair into a trap door behind it. Before it closed I skipped over to it, and dropped a note card into it. Then the chair popped up and the trap door closed. I sat down in the chair and relaxed.

 

“I don't know why people complain about this chair. It's quite-ack!” Suddenly I'm strapped into the chair, and can't breathe!!! “DAMN IT! NOT AGAIN!!!”

 

 

Naraku wakes up in a strange hallway with note card on his head. “Huh?” It says `Say stuff from this card to the Fart-zen master or back to the chair with you! ^_^' If I ever get my hands on her! Wait…where the hell, am I? Naraku looked around the hallway, and saw that there was only one door. What kind of hallway is this?! Naraku headed towards the door, and barely put his hand on the door when he heard…

 

“Come in. All are welcome here.” It was a very calm and soothing voice.

 

Like I give a shit if I'm welcome! I want get out of here! Where is here? Naraku opened the door, and stepped inside. It looked exactly like a yoga class room.

 

“Are thou my newest pupil?” Said a man who was leading a class in meditation. Naraku just glared at the man who didn't even glance towards him the whole time he was in the room.

 

“I'm guessing you're the Fart-zen master…” Naraku commented.

 

“It is said Far-zen.”

 

Oh…Naraku looked at the small card in his hands. It had comments on it about this. “Oh…the T…is silent…Got it…Kind of like….Mozart…but the opposite….He must have…taken you T…?” read Naraku slowly. Okay now I'm confused…

 

“Yes, many are silent.”

 

O.o ? -Naraku's face-

 

“Pupils. Assume position…Ichi.” The master directed his students. The master and his students all lifted up one leg, and…

 

O.O' DID THEY JUST FART? THAT T AIN'T SILENT! Naraku back up slowly towards the door.

 

“So, what is the cause of your tension?”

 

RIGHT NOW YOU FREAKS! Naraku just continued towards the door.

 

“Position Ni!” `It' happened once more.

 

Naraku had reached the door, but let out a, “What the…”

 

“They are reaching a state of advanced relaxation, and the door is locked.” The master said without even glancing at Naraku. Naraku grabbed the door handle, and tried opening it desperately. The class still ignored Naraku even thought he was making a racket.

 

“Refuel!” The master ordered. All the students pulled out food such as bean burrito, soda, milk, cheese, apples, broccoli, etc, and sat down and ate. Naraku finally gave up on the door, and slide downward to the floor in defeat.

 

Where is that idiot Kagura when I need her I think I prefer losing to Inuyasha and his companions then this…Did I just think that? All this toxic gas must be going to my head. I got to get out of here…Naraku stood up slowly and glanced around. The class was almost done with their snacks, and their master had his back to Naraku. He was just standing there. Suddenly he spoke…

 

“All tension is something that is within you. Stress becomes bottled up and new stress makes it all shaken and builds inside you. If you don't have a way to relieve that stress, then it grows until it grows until it becomes unhealthy and even painful. You must have a proper way to expel the demon.”

 

“Lets get something straight here, I DO NOT. I REPEAT, I DO NOT HAVE A STRESS PROBLEM! YOU'RE THE PROBLEM, AND THAT CRAZY WENCH WHO KID NAPPED ME! I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE! AND I HAVE DEMONS IN ME ON PURPOSE! I PUT THEM THERE!!!” Naraku was breathing heavily after his little out burst.

 

“That way of reliving yourself can get you into trouble.” The master stated matter of factly. *_*'-Naraku's face. The master clapped his hands getting the attention of his students. “Prepare for the next position!” The pupils rush excitedly to get themselves set up. “Position San!”

 

“Someone…anyone…please help me…” Naraku's left eye is twitching as he is watching the horror before him.

 

“We must all reach a state of perfect relaxation. But only the Fart-zen MASTER can achieve such a perfect state through repeated practice. The goal of all Fart-zen students is to reach position Shi.”

 

“Show us, MASTER. Show us position Shi.” All the students said at once.

 

Is this a cult? “What the hell is position Shi?” Naraku said in a very frightened voice. All the students cleared the floor, and the master started to get into a strange position. Naraku couldn't take any more of this. He turned around and ran strait into the door.

 

“Wakie-wakie.” Naraku could feel something cold run down his face. His eye shot open, and found himself once again strapped into the chair with me standing over him with a cup in my hand. “So…” I said with an evil smile on my face. “How was class?” Naraku didn't even have anoth energy to yell at me. He just stared into space, and mumbled…

 

“Never again, never again…”

 

“Isn't it ironic how you couldn't stand the gas when it's usually you in the show who releases the toxic gasses!” ^_^ This comment snapped Naraku out of his trance.

 

“THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!! DO YOU KNOW I PREFERED GETTING BEATEN BY INUYASHA THEN HAVING TO BE HERE WITH YOU!!!” Naraku's face has turned red from yelling.

 

Off to the side-“I prefer that too,….and say he isn't stressed out.” I roll my eyes.

 

“THAT'S IT I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!” …*BANG*…

 

-_-` “Eww…Naraku guts every where…” That's right. He blew up…HE BLEW UP! “I have DEFEATED NARAKU!” Triumphant pose. ~_~ “And they make it seem so hard on the show, ha, ha …Is it moving? O_o Oh, yah. I forgot Naraku could piece himself together-_-…O_O HEY WAIT! GET BACK HERE!” I chase after the pieces of Naraku into the darkness.

 

 

To be continued! Cause I say so! ^_^