InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Fate of Love ❯ Turmoil of the Heart ( Chapter 7 )

Nikki Kelly

Disclaimer: The magnificent world of Inu Yasha is the sole creative masterpiece of Rumiko Takahashi ~ NOT ME!!!

A/N: This chapter takes place at the same time as chapter six, not afterwards …sorry if it confuses anyone…

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Chapter Seven ~ Turmoil of the Heart

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Kagome put her hands to her face in alarm, not knowing what to do. She looked over for some assistance, but Miroku, Sango, and Shippou were all staring hard at the ground in silence. She realized that none of them knew how to reply to Inuyasha; that somewhere, in the backs of their minds, they couldn't help the voices that agreed with him. She brushed the hair off of her face in distress, and bit her lip hard. Taking a deep breath, she stepped towards the hanyou and placed a hand softly on his shoulder.

Inuyasha growled and grabbed her fiercely by the wrist, twisting it so hard that it caused Kagome to yelp. He threw down her hand and backed slowly away from the group. "I'm going away for awhile…don't wait for me," he said resolutely, then, glaring viciously at Kagome, added, "And don't follow me." Without looking back, he flew up into the sky. Kagome watched him go, the tears pouring down her face, her eyes following her hanyou steadfastly until he disappeared from sight.

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He could smell it. He could smell her crying, and it ripped at his heart. Inuyasha's instincts told him to go back, to hold her and never let go. But his stubborn and proud nature held him; he was not about to defy his own orders.

He went on for miles, finally stopping only out of pure exhaustion. He landed on the limb of a tall tree in some deep unknown forest, and sat perched for a moment, trying to catch his breath, before leaning back against the trunk to rest.

It was getting dark now, and from his high-up place he could see the sun just setting on the horizon. The reds, oranges, and violets melded together, creating a surreal masterpiece in the sky. Its entrancing beauty reminded him of Kagome's scent, so delicate and sweet, yet unparalleled in its intensity. The thoughts brought a warmth and yearning to his heart. Inuyasha longed to hold her in his arms; to feel the gentle curves of her body; to claim her soft, petal-like lips with his own; to make her his forevermore. He closed his eyes, the visions of her sublime beauty swirling in his head.

A sudden cold breeze swept through the treetops and awoke Inuyasha from his trance. His eyes snapped open and the bitterness returned. His claws gripped the rough bark of the tree reflexively and a low growl began to rumble in the pit of his throat. His words from earlier had been the truth. Kagome could have possessed so much power; she really could have done something meaningful. Instead, she had wasted it on the revival of a hanyou; a being that had no place in the world. He was a weakling among demons, and a freakish outsider in the human realm. All of his life he had borne that pain, had suffered that humiliation. He never would have admitted it, but the escape of death was always on his mind. He was too noble in spirit for suicide, of course, but it was still a constant craving. It had not been his objective when he threw himself into Kikyou's arrow, (that had been his need to protect Kagome) but it had been a welcome change of events. The darkness of death held an alluring attractiveness like nothing else.

Yet, when Inuyasha had found himself out of the confines of his mortal body, he had been reluctant to leave. Something had kept him there. He threw his head back in frustration, angrily trying to think of what it could have been that stopped him from attaining that which he had wanted for so long.

After several moments of strained contemplation, his mind subconsciously drifted to Kagome once more, and the persistent longing returned. That was it! His head snapped back up to attention at the realization. One yearning had ultimately outweighed the other. After achieving death, he had realized he didn't want it anymore. In fact, it would be the only thing to hold him from his true desire. For the first time in his life, Inuyasha had a reason to live.

Kagome meant more to him than the world, more than Kikyou ever had. He had felt an obligatory sort of love towards the priestess, a duteous loyalty to protect her. With Kagome, it was different. She demanded nothing from him emotionally, and from that had grown a free, unbridled love, one whose strength was unmatched. Why had it taken so long for him to realize that simple fact? Why did he have to lie on his deathbed before acknowledging the feelings that had lain inside him all along?

The sensation of renewed life was like none other, and to be in Kagome's arms upon his return had been too much for him. No longer had he been able to suppress his emotions for the girl, and the taste of her lips had been a taste of heaven. He had wanted that moment to last forever. But, as always, cold reality had worked its way back into his life, and he felt the emptiness now more than ever before. To have attained ecstasy then been robbed of it was the greatest pain of all.

Inuyasha now wanted nothing more out of life than to just be with her. And yet, somewhere inside him, that self-loathing voice reminded him of his worthlessness. That what she had done was wrong. He was a half-breed. She could never want him; she could never love him. Then why had she said that to be the reason? Perhaps she had done it all to deceive him, and had a more selfish and maniacal objective. He could never trust her. He could never trust anyone.

But there had been something there when she spoke to him those immortal words, something in her eyes. The deep brown layers had held a richly thick honesty and unspoken devotion he could not deny, no matter how his logical mind tried. He could get lost in the depths of those eyes forever, so full of innocence and purity they were, so unlike his own.

When Inuyasha was around her, it felt so natural and right. She, even as a fragile human girl, provided him with a sense of security he felt with no one else. She made him a better person, and he knew that; he had felt the change within himself. He ached to be with her now, to be in her arms, to be held by her for eternity. His heart broke with the thoughts of the pain he had caused her, and he wanted to kiss her soul to restoration. She had a right to refuse him, though, a right to deny him access to her heart ever again, he had hurt her so. Still, he clung to the smallest hope that maybe she would still have him, and they could be one.

Inuyasha moved to a standing position on the branch, looking into the cold, black night, and made ready to leap into the air to return to his love. And that's when he caught it. He had been too engrossed in his own inner struggle to realize its presence before, but there was no mistaking it now. The ominous scent of Kagome's freshly spilled blood hung heavily in the midnight air...

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To Be Continued...

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~~Sorry if this chapter was a little hard to follow...this is my first try at stream of consciousness...plus, I think it enhanced the portrayal of Inuyasha's inner struggle and confusion a lot...I dunno...Anyways, leave me your comments....please????

little_bit_of_faith16 ~ Thanks so much for the comments!!!! They made me so happy!!!! And I promise the lemon will be coming soon.....pinky swear!!!!!! <~~now that's serious!!!

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