InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Gamble ❯ Chapter One ( Chapter 1 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Hn… I guess I should start out telling you about how I met Kagome Higurashi. But before I do that, let me explain something real quick… Even though my mother is Japanese, my father is not. I lived in America until the time I was eight, and then went to Japan. Even then, I knew Japanese… but I hardly look it… I've got, well, platinum blonde hair and golden brown eyes. How strange is that, right? It drives me fucking crazy, but my dad says it makes girls' panties wet...

...well, maybe not quite in those words, but you get the drift.

But, whatever.

Anyway, when I moved to Japan, we moved to a small town that didn't appreciate foreigners…

Your classic sob story.

But none of it could be helped, because when my father got promoted in his business, he was sent to Japan because he could speak the language. He had Japanese blood too, hence my last name, but it was so thinned out that he looked more like his American heritage than anything….

So I'm sure you know by now I take after my dad.

Well, around many parts like that, people like me were known as “Half”. Half-Japanese, half-foreign. And like I said, we weren't appreciated….

Kids would often be real cruel to me… but isn't that funny? How cruel kids can be? Children are suppose to be nice, be the picture of innocence...

...but often are just little bastards to one another…

Pick on the little guys.

...I guess that's how life is.

People go through it being cruel to one another…

Anyway, not that that matters. People like that can go royally fuck themselves for all I care.

Anyway, like I was saying, kids were really mean to me just because of the way I was born. My hair wasn't black, my eyes were the wrong shade of brown, I was too tan. So they made fun of me. Beat me up, steal my lunch money… you know, mean things little kids do.

...n… not saying I didn't kick their stupid little asses at the time! Because I sure fucking did!
Stupid little punks never stood a chance...

…Ahem… uh, so anyway...

...The point is, that after a while I really hated them all. I mean, really did. I loathed everyone of those little fuckers with a passion, and I kept to myself on a daily basis.

Then, well, something odd happened. A new kid came around, and she started acting all nice to me, and I was like… what the fuck is up with this otome? I just wanted to be left alone.

She often would come up to me at recess, and I would just ignore her.

Well, then came one day she just wouldn't be ignored anymore. She got her feelings hurt after so long of being ignored, and I didn't know why the hell she wanted my attention anyway-I still don't-and that little girl started crying.

That's where the gamble came in. I had a risk I had to take.

I had to choose, forsake protecting my heart, and allow that stupid little blue-eyed, crying, wore pigtails every day sort of otome into my life or say fuck her, along with everyone else, and kick her to the curb.

Both were hard choices. Cause I was scared, I was scared she was gonna hurt me like everyone else. But then again, why was she crying?

It was dumb, and I didn't know what to do.

...I always had a soft spot for a crying girl.

Especially her.

I mean, c'mon... who can ignore big, gorgeous blues?

Not me.

...guess that makes me a sort of pussy, huh?

...that's one things I'll readily admit to. I'll never act manly to try and hide the fact I care about her.

Not again. I already made that mistake once.

So, I fucking just… reached over, covered her eyes and said, “Oi! Stop crying… I'm sorry.”

And… beneath my fingers, I saw her crack a toothless smile. She had lost some of her teeth, as Kagome always was the late bloomer.

And that was that, I guess. That stupid little girl in that frilly pink dress with those lopsided pigtails and those big, blue eyes was Kagome.

Love at first sight, ne?

...I suppose.

...but like I said, I never believed in coincidence.

And not much has changed since that day.

Well… she doesn't go around parading in frilly pink dressed… or wear pigtails…

...though I'm sure she'd still look damn cute... Pigtails...

...that'd be cool...

She always gets me off fucking track, too! Jeeze, can't thinking straight when I'm even talking about her...

Anyway, what I mean is, she hasn't changed. She's still all girly, happy, curious… and with a temper that can scare the shit out of me.

But, more than that…

Well…

...Keh...

You can't tell anyone I told you this, but…

She was the only one I ever apologized to.

Ever.

Ever.

I don't even apologize to my own `kaa…

And that's pretty pathetic.

But a lopsided smile and a kiss usually does the trick with her….

Kagome's a bit more difficult than that.

Humph, enough of that wench anyway.

I guess I should start with my story, shouldn't I?

Well, then, by the time this had started happening, and it occurred over a few years mind you, Kikyo, Kagome, Miroku, Sango, Shippo, Kouga, and I had all been really close friends since like, grade school. After Kags broke me out of that angry state, she dragged me along to tie me in together with a bunch of other misfits she had collected from some odd corners of town. I don't know how she found us…. I don't know how she did it.

But she really brought us all together.

And we were called the `Lucky Seven'. Funny how that works out, right? Heh, yeah. Real fucking ironic.

Irony can kiss my fucking ass for all I fucking care, really…

Damnit.

But yeah, Kagome pulled a bunch of odds and ends kids out and brought us together. Kids that didn't really have anywhere to go, or anyone to turn to...

...a bunch of kids like me...

No friends.

And after a while, we became kinda like a family. No one touched us. Because if you messed with one of us, you messed with all of us. And no one wanted to mess with that kind of thing.

I guess we were kind of like a fort. Yah can't even ram us through, you know? Cause we were stuck together.

And I guess that's when I say, well, our fates were intertwined.

Or at least our paths were meant to cross… or well, fuck… I don't know.

I'm sure our purposes in life consisted of more than high school drama, seriously, but… It's like, well…

...it's hard to put it.

It's like, we were meant to be together… as a group, as friends, as family… Inseparable. Peas and carrots, and all that bullshit…

Right away, it was obvious Miroku and Sango were going to hit it off… Shippo, well, Shippo was the runt. He was the youngest, by a few years. And it was curious in how he got to be with us, but no one really knows that tale except for Kagome. Sure, it was a curiosity everyone liked to take turns guessing on while we were passing a round of beers and they weren't there, but all it was really was a way to pass time. One theory was as likely as the next, and no one really gave a shit. Because, of course, he was already a part of the family, and family stays.

Kinda like some little Mafia... heh heh.

...Kagome never really liked that analogy. But it was sorta true.

And that was that.

...I guess I might be saying that a lot, but when it comes to shooting the shit, that often happens.

It was just how it was.

And no one questioned it.

Well, Shippo began crushing on Sango's younger sister Kira. We called her Kirara, because of the way she rolled her “r's”… It was a funny, childhood name that always kind of stuck. It was kind of like she was purring.

But that was cool. She was a cute kid.

So, everything kind of fell in to place as we got older. Except for Kouga, Kikyo, Kagome, and I. We were still chill, but things began to tense up… and no one really understood why. Sometimes Kikyo would tell me she was jealous of my relationship with Kagome, but I didn't understand it. Sure, she was my best friend above all… we were the originals. But, she was my friend. Just like Kikyo was my friend. And just like Sango was my friend, and Miroku was my friend, and Kouga…

...Well, Kouga's an entirely different kind of story.

Sure, Kouga was my friend… but we were always bashing heads together.

Sometimes literally.

We always were arguing, in some druken stupor every month... getting in to fist fights about mundane shit. But then we'd wake up sober the next morning, see each other at school and insult one another, and everything was cool again.

That was the way it was.

Things didn't start tensing up until the last year of middle school.

…Am I skipping around too much?

I'm sorry if I am…

That's just how my mind works.

But at the same time, you can't really say `this happened there, and this happened then'… it wasn't some neat, chronological order of bullshit.

It was a giant mass of yarn, paths crossing and confusing, and sure as fucking impossible to find the center.

I don't really understand it myself.

But, anyway, let me just continue…

Where was I…?

Middle school…

Last year of middle school, nineth grade.

Right after the cultural festival. Well, since it was towards the end of the year, and damn near exams, everyone wanted a night off.

At that time, we were hooking up with some shady kids… a huge mistake.

Some gang-like group referred to as the 'Shinitachi'.

We thought that they were a joke, but we were… well, really, very wrong.

Then again, we found ourselves to be wrong about a lot of people back then… Even amongst ourselves.

...it's funny, I say `back then' like it was decades ago… but, to me, it really has seemed like a lifetime. Those days… are so far behind me they seem like a distant, sad memory.

In a way, they truly are.

That's all they are now… memories.

But, anyway… the party. We were going to go to a party to loosen up. Hah. `THE party'… even now, that's what it's called. `THE party'… Funny, how that one word changed everything, and makes it stand out… just some stupid three letter word.

T.H.E.

Hell.

At the time, Kikyo had started picking up on speed, so of course she was going for the drugs. She was perfect. She had to keep her head above water with the perfect grades, and the perfect body, and the perfect life. And what better way than to pop speed? Of course your life would be perfect if you didn't have to sleep, or eat. We… didn't really think much of it. I guess that makes us shallow… we just, assumed… That she'd drop it.

Snap your fingers, and it would be like that.

But, you can't expect anything less from a bunch of fifteen year olds in denial. Shippo's parents had died recently, as had Sango's brother… Miroku lost a father. Kagome did too. Kouga found out his life was tied to someone he didn't even know. I, myself, was lost in a sea of bullshit with my own family I don't even want to go into right now.

All I can tell you is by then, it made me an alcoholic. Miroku wasn't a drunk… he began getting hooked on sex. That was his drug. That was his high. Sango took martial arts, and pushed her body, and pushed her body… threatening to break. She was a lecher for punishment, and she developed a ravenous addict for cutting up her wrists when the physical pain of her master wasn't enough to sate her need for self-punishment.

Kouga… alcoholic like me. Shippo… Kagome wouldn't let him do anything. At that point, there were times she would barely even bring him around. Kagome smoke cigarettes, heavily, but our angel couldn't do much worse. She became a source of sanity for us all, the one who brought us together was now keeping up together because we were threatening to fall apart.

So of course we weren't paying attention to Kikyo… were we? We had our own bullshit, too wrapped up in it to even stop and see shit was finally about to hit the fan.

Well… most of us, that is.

...Kagome saw it.

But she kept her mouth shut, I suppose, for her own reasons.

Perhaps she was too busy to open it.

And we kept her busy, for sure.

...Especially me…

I was always selfish for her time.

Well, on the way to the party, more than half of us having to sneak out to attend, Kagome told me something.

Something that stuck in my mind.

She was walking beside me, since none of us had cars… who could afford a car at fifteen?

So… we were just kind of taking our sweet time.

And I don't know how it got brought up. I hardly remember, because she was talking about the festival at the time, and I was tuning her out. But I didn't have the heart to be obvious about it…

I hated the festival, because it reminded me… of things.

I'll probably tell you later. It doesn't matter right now.

All that matters is what she told me, and she told me, `You know… Inuyasha?'

I remember the look in her eye too. It was real bright and clear, like, a window… or glass.

This may sound corny, but it was like… when you're looking out the passenger side window, you know that forlorn, kinda lonely feeling you get when you watch the raindrops streak down the glass and you look out at the world… but it's not like you're actually seeing it.

That's what her look was like.

I knew she was worried, but she didn't tell me. I knew, if she wanted to tell me, she would have. If anything, I could've pried it out of her later.

…Damnit…

I regret letting that one moment go. I regret ignoring that feeling in my chest. I remember my heart was pounding in my ears, and I was scared because she looked scared.

But I was a man, and she was a girl. So, of course, I had to be brave.

And pretend.

`What?' I was gruff with her those days… I was mean, and cold… because… well. That's when it kind of started, like I said.

That's when she started confusing me. But she was always patient… and if I made her too mad, she just yelled back.

...So I thought it was okay.

But… it was rare for her to offer her thoughts to me, then, at those times. Because I would often just… make fun of them…

I was cruel, just like those little kids she saved me from. And even when I realized that, my heart refused to let it go.

I was afraid, through my confusion, she was going to end up hurting me like I always thought she was.

…I was such a fucking, goddamn fool…

And when I asked her, when I asked her `What?', she just looked at me thoughtfully.

`Inuyasha,' she said my name again. When we were young, she said she liked to say my name because of the way it rolled off her tongue. She said it tickled.

`If… if you were to take a car ride, that you knew… would crash…. But, the ride was worth it… would you take the ride?'

I remember knowing the answer in my heart right away. Because, to me, she was that car ride. To me, our friendship symbolized that ride. And I knew it would end in a crash.

And that's why I was so confused.

My mind said yes.

My mouth said, `Hell no. What kind of stupid prick throws his life away? What kind of fucking dumb question is that, Kag? Really.'

Kagome… just swallowed, and shrugged. I didn't know what she was thinking. She averted her eyes then, and looked sad. And I wanted to take it back.

I wanted to take it back, and take her in my arms, and apologize.

Like everytime I spoke those words to her.

But just like everytime, I never did.

And that night, I wish for once… I had.

Well, that was why I remembered that question so well. Because every person knows the answer to that question. Who doesn't?

…the true answer is, of course you would. Of course you would take that ride, if it was worth the crash, because… because then you wouldn't regret. If you can do it, without regret, you'd do it, right?

…right…

And I was too dumb to realize that. That in the long run, the crash didn't matter, because the regret wouldn't be there. And once you got back up, if you could, you'd do it laughing.

And if you died, then you'd go peacefully.

But… like I said. I was a dumb kid in denial. So I let it go at that.

We continued on to the part, and of course it wasn't a big deal. I got drunk off my ass. But, unlike other times, so did most of the rest of us. Except for Sango and Kagome… but Sango was busy making out with Miroku.

I was arm wrestling with Kouga about two hours in to the party. The Shinitachi were there, and three of them were rooting us on, betting on who would win. Jakotsu, Suikotsu, and Mukotsu. The rest were off somewhere, doing their own thing.

It was just a dumb test of testosterone driven males. Jakotsu rooted me on. He was kind of weird about it… always getting too close… I think he was a fag. Nothing wrong with `em… I just don't run that way, you know? The other two rooted for Kouga, and it annoyed me.

But I was in a pretty drunken stupor. I don't even remember who won…

I know that one reason that night was all wrong was because the males in the group were distracted, excluding Shippo… he was considered in the category of girls.

And we had made a pact.

...We made a blood oath, that no matter what, we'd protect the girls.

And for some reason… that night, we didn't really think about it. We were just drunk and trying to have fun.

...I remember first noticing Kagome wasn't there about the time I started talking shit to Kouga after the arm wrestling. I challenged his manhood, a quick way to start a fight, and for some stupid reason… I just stopped. I stopped talking all together, and scanned the crowd.

That's how I realized she wasn't there.

I know, I know that is sounds like some creepy voodoo shit that I fucking like, sensed her or something…

But I could just feel it, on my insides, that she wasn't.

And that it was wrong. All wrong.

And it made me sick.

And I knew, it wasn't just the liquor making me feel nausea. Kouga got real mad when I just flat out ignored him, and walked off after talking shit. He called me a coward that night.

For the first time, I didn't care.

But I can tell you, after that night, he never called me a coward for walking off like that again.

But the more I looked around downstairs… in the kitchen, in the den, in the front yard… back yard, bathroom… even the bedrooms downstairs…. I knew it was fucked up. Really, really fucked up. And the more I looked, the sicker I felt, the more I worried, and the worse the feeling got.

I think I was even beginning to panic.

I thought at the time maybe I was overreacting because of the alcohol… but it wasn't. It really, wasn't.

And you have to believe me, when I say these things. Because, I tell you, this is one of the reasons why I don't believe in coincidence.

I don't believe it was coincidence I felt sick… or walked away, when I had never walked away from a fight in my life. I don't believe it was coincidence that I was the only one looking.

I don't believe it was coincidence that when I found her, upstairs, being raped by two of the Shinitachi, I felt like a failure. That was a given.

But these things happen.

And when they happen, you can't change them.

Bankotsu ripped through her small body while Renkotsu held her down from behind and raped her…

...

At the same time…

…

I'm sorry…

…

It's just… to this day… I remember that look on her face when she saw me…

…that was the most disturbing thing…

The way her dead eyes suddenly sprang to life… just like… that.

And that look of pure pain, and hope was there.

…And it hurts… you know? That a stupid mistake put a look like that on her pretty face.

And I know it's still my fault. It really is.

...Cause, I didn't tell her.

…but… I had to…

Fuck.

You know what the hardest part about it all?

...

…her tears…

Nothing hurts worse for me than seeing her in pain… and… it hurts so bad to think about it. I still… remember it so well…

Look where our denial got us then…

But, at that moment, it was irrelevant.

And I knew, then, I had a choice I had to make.

It was another gamble.

On one hand, I could just save her and call the cops, and let them get away with probably a slap on the hand because they were still minors…

Or, on the other, I could make them really pay… and I mean, really, really pay, and make them sorry they ever messed with one of my girls, and quite possibly… get locked up for it. For what I was going to do to them.

Because, let me tell you… no one… I mean fucking NO ONE messes with my girls.

No one…

…especially not Kagome…

So, I threw the dice… and, took it away from there, and let that decision… one of the many decisions… be one of the really big firsts to change my life forever.