InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Girl ❯ A Life Not Lived ( Chapter 2 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Author's Note: There's nothing particularly graphic in this chapter, but there is a LOT of innuendo, and InuYasha drops the F-bomb once. This is a fic rated for ADULTS, but I thought I'd add this friendly little reminder.

The Girl

Chapter 2: A Life Not Lived

It was spring, now, and as Sesshomaru had promised, the three companions returned to the forest outside the cave they'd spent the previous winter. When they'd last been there the ground had just begun to thaw, patches of green again beginning to show themselves, poking up from the formerly frozen earth to reach and extend towards the hazy, yellow light that filtered down to them from the sun. Barren branches sprouted miniature green buds, still pale and soft from their recent rebirth. Hibernating animals woke from their wintery slumber, abandoning their dens to again forage for food, their frames significantly slimmer from the lack of nourishment, their fat deposits depleted, their internal storehouse of food now empty.

It was a dangerous time of year, her lord had declared to no one in particular. "Hungry animals are dangerous animals. They often abandon instinct and common sense to feed their growing needs." For this reason, he insisted she stay within his line of sight.

It was also mating season, Rin recalled. After eating their fill of food, the animals set out to fulfill one of their other basic needs-the need to procreate. The winter weather was a test. The lack of food and warmth killed off the weaker animals too old, too young or too stupid to properly prepare for this harsher course of nature, and the survivors awoke to celebrate, seeking out a worthy mate to ensure together their coupling produced a breed stronger than either of their parents individually.

Even Ah-Un would partake in the post-winter ritual. He would shrug off the sluggish torpor with a loud roar and a series of stretching and flexing. He would then set off to fulfill the needs the gods, themselves, had imbued him-and every living creature, for that matter-with, leaving his three, traveling companions to await his return.

Rin was human, and therefore felt no such seasonal inclinations. Sesshomaru, she supposed, was above such unseemly behavior, and Jaken, by his own admission, was "too old" to partake in such "life-affirming" activities. His instinctive appetites could now be sated with a brief hunt and a simple meal, though Rin recalled, on more than one occasion, that the little toad had recounted tales of his youth and how all the young maidens would line up, impatiently waiting their turn for his attentions. "Yes," she remembered him saying, "it is good to be alive. It is good to be clever and strong, and it is good to be well sought after." He'd then given her a sly grin and elbowed her in the side, speaking in a hushed and secretive tone as he gave her a knowing wink. "This Jaken has done much to ensure the continuation of his species."

A stone then promptly struck him in the center of his head, causing the impetuous imp to fall over backwards with a groan.

Rin laughed at the still-fresh memory. It was silly of him to think their lord and master wouldn't hear his little innuendo. He was a dog demon, after all. His ears didn't miss a thing.

But . . . the trees were in full bloom, now, the forest floor blanketed in a lush carpet of green grass. The air was alive with the sounds of birds, bees and various insects, the flutter of their wings and the trill of their calls, filling the sky. The sunlight was no longer a hazy yellow, but a vibrant gold, a brilliant amber closely resembling the shade of her lord's eyes. She drew in a deep breath, forcing back the wave of despair threatening to crash upon her, struggling to, then successfully staving off a trickle of tears.

She pulled the skirt of her kimono slightly upwards, bunching the fabric so she'd have the freedom to bend. She then knelt beneath the spreading the branches of the magnolia tree, dappled sunlight spotlighting the patch of raised earth, and laid the wreath of flowers on Jaken's grave.

Again, she fought back tears. When her lord had returned that winter, she'd fallen ill again. She'd awoken the morning following Jaken's death with a slight tickle in the back of her throat, her nose runny and a chill imbedded deeply within her bones. Ah-Un had fully fallen into his hibernation state, effectively leaving her alone. His scaly hide no longer provided her the warmth she'd become accustomed to, his body temperature significantly dropping once he settled into his seasonal slumber, but being close to him was enough to provide her some modicum of comfort. The cave was so quiet and still. She could hear the snowflakes falling outside, the fire crackling a few feet away, and the subdued breathing and heartbeat of her two-headed companion. She could also hear the liquid sounds of her own breathing and the shifting of the fabric of her kimono as she attempted to find a more comfortable position, settling deeper into the dragon's odd embrace.

How long had it been since someone had touched her?

Of course, there were the pokings and proddings she endured from Jaken with his bony little fingers and elbows as he nudged her awake or attempted to secretly key her in on some private tidbit of information. Then there was Ah-Un, who she considered to be openly affectionate with her, rubbing his muzzles against her, wrapping her in his tail while she slept... And then there were the awkward occasions when she wasn't riding upon the beloved beast and she would accidentally crash into her lord from behind because she wasn't watching where she was going. He wouldn't budge an inch, having a build similar to that of a stone wall, and she'd bounce right off of him, a bright blush on her cheeks, sometimes stumbling backwards then eventually correcting herself; other times she'd smack into him so hard, she'd immediately end up on her backside, the wind knocked out of her.

For the most part, it seemed her lord ignored her minor transgressions, her unintentional trespasses into his personal space, but on an occasion or two, he'd actually . . . growled at her. She, of course, apologized profusely, bowing her head, recounting every foul phrase she'd ever heard Jaken utter about humanity in general, silently praying that he wouldn't choose this moment to abandon her entirely, leaving her to dwindle and wilt away like so many other uncared for things left on the forest floor.

It was . . . strange how these doubts had crept into the corners of her mind. Not once in her youth did she think her lord capable of such cruelty and indifference, but . . .

Rin sighed.

When she was twelve and he'd had to leave her in the village because she was sick . . . People would talk, and being so weak from battling the illness, she had no choice but to listen. They kept commenting on how "odd" it was that he kept a human child in his care. Over and over again, she listened as they told tales of his attack on the village so many years ago. They talked of his hatred of his hanyou brother, the "distaste" he had for those possessing mortal blood. She also learned that his brother had been the one to remove his left arm.

"He always thought he was so high and mighty," she'd heard InuYasha say. "Too good to even breathe the same air as me. Keh, look at him, now, traveling around with a human girl in tow. And where does he bring her when she gets sick? To me, of all the nerve."

"I don't like it," Kohaku's sister had said. "What does he want with her? What's he doing with her? It just isn't . . . right. That monster with that child. You don't think he's . . ."

He's what? Rin had wondered, her eyelids too heavy to lift. She stayed in a room separate from the others, her futon canopied with some clear, hard but flexible covering of some sort. Plastic, she believed InuYasha's mate had called it. And there was a tube attached to a metal cylinder of some sort that fed air into her tent-like environment . . . oxygen, the woman called it. It had reminded Rin of a snake, though, its quiet hiss filling the screened off room, luring her into a dreamless trance so her lungs could clear and her body could recover.

"No!" the miko quickly countered.

"I'm not so sure," Rin heard another voice say. She believed it was the monk, Kohaku's brother-in-law. She'd seen him when her lord had first brought her in. "The girl is quite attractive, and she's already begun developing."

Developing? Rin thought. Developing into what?

"The swell of her chest, the span of her hips . . ." The monk was cut off by a loud thud!

"Dear, Sango," he then continued, contrition evident in his tone. "I meant no offense. One only has to have eyes to see that the girl is quickly becoming a woman."

"Which is what worries me," the slayer replied. "That murderous creature traveling with that innocent, little girl."

"Again, Sango, I must disagree. The thinning of her face, her increased stature, that smooth, creamy flesh . . ." This time the sound was more of a clunk than a thud.

"My dearest wife," he began again, "I'm simply saying the girl would be more appropriately referred to as a young woman."

Woman? Her? That was silly. She wasn't exactly "little" any more, but . . .

"He can't be trusted," Sango said. "You can't trust a youkai male around a human female. They don't and won't take 'no' for an answer."

It sounded as if two people cleared their throats.

"I beg your pardon, InuYasha and Kagome, but full-blooded youkai are decidedly different from hanyou. When their instincts kick in, they don't have a human heart to counteract the call to their baser needs. A viable mate is a viable mate, whether she's willing or not. That poor girl wouldn't stand a chance against him. He'd likely split her in two."

Split her in two? What in the name of the gods were they talking about?

InuYasha scoffed. "A human is not a viable mate. He'd sooner let it fall off than bed down with someone beneath his station."

"Her station won't matter once her cycle starts. Her body will cry out to be impregnated, and his body will respond."

"Feh, and sire a bastard hanyou? Not fucking likely."

The hut fell silent for a moment.

"Maybe he'll leave her here, then." The miko's voice was small, but sure.

"Or perhaps we should make her stay," the slayer added.

Leave her here? Make her stay? The hissing seemed to grow louder as Rin's eyes watered, cool tears overflowing onto her fevered cheeks. But he promised he'd be back. He promised he wouldn't leave her. He promised she could stay with him as long as she liked.

And he always kept his promises. Always.

And they couldn't make her stay here! She was only here because she was sick, because her lord didn't know about human medicines. He didn't know how to help her, and so he'd taken her to someone who did.

He'd carried her into this hut, he'd laid her on the futon, and he'd told her not to cry. He'd told her to conduct herself like a proper lady, he'd said these people would make her better, and he'd be back as soon as she was well.

And they weren't going to let her leave? They were going to keep her? They wouldn't let him come for her? Because she was a "young woman?" Because her lord couldn't "be trusted?" Because she'd cry to be impregnated and he'd "split her in two?"

What was wrong with these people!

They were making her break her word to her lord. She'd promised not to cry, and she hadn't until they'd started with their horrible, horrible tales.

"Kagome."

"Yes, Inuyasha?"

"I think you should go check on the kid."

She began to cry in earnest at that point, her already aching chest heaving with her sobs, her body wracked with an uncontrollable coughing fit, blood and mucous expelled from her mouth into her cupped hands. That "plastic" cutting her off from the rest of the world, that evil, evil hissing sound from the "oxygen."

Why did her lord bring her here? Why did he leave her behind? She-she would have rather died by his side then endure more of these people's . . . "treatment."

The screen to her room slid open, letting in a wide vee of light from the other room.

"Don't touch me!" she screamed between coughs, her arms weakly flailing in front of her face. "I want . . . I want m-my lord!"

She wailed and she screamed, she fought and she coughed. She cried for him time and time again, but he didn't come for her. He didn't visit her once while she was there.

Three full cycles of the moon without her Lord Sesshomaru . . .

Rin sniffed back tears, a warm spring breeze blowing through her hair. It was silly to get so upset about things that happened so long ago. She was 12 then and very nearly 30 now. Much had changed in the past 18 years.

When her lord returned for her-yes, they let her leave with him-she silently swore to never leave his side again. Such strange things happened to her when he wasn't around. A few days later, after she'd calmed down, and the fever broke, allowing her to think more clearly, she listened as the miko and the slayer told her everything they knew about being a woman. She'd woken up in the middle of the previous night feeling wetness between her legs. At first, much to her humiliation, she thought she'd peed herself, unable to make it to the chamber pot, or "bed pan," as the miko had called it. She had felt that odd cramping sensation she got when she held it too long . . . But feelings of embarrassment were quickly replaced with horror when she pulled her top sheet back to reveal her bloodstained yukata and bedding.

She'd made such a mess! And blood was so hard to get out . . .

She wasn't so naive as to think she was "dying" from such a small amount of blood. She had seen her own blood before, and even though it was coming from quite an . . . unconventional location, now, it was still her blood. She wasn't wounded, she didn't feel the pain of an injury, so she set about her task as usual.

When you made a mess, you had to clean it up. And she was especially aware of how people hated to have their nice things ruined. She forced her aching body to move, her lungs to function as they should, her eyes to stay open.

She had to make this all disappear before someone saw what a horrible houseguest she was and . . .

She swallowed hard. They were already contemplating keeping her from her lord, and while she couldn't imagine a fate worse than that, she was almost certain these people could.

She pushed herself to a seated position and pulled back the "plastic," ignoring the quiet hiss of the "oxygen." But before she could scoot herself off of the futon and onto the floor, the screen to her room slid open. Apparently, InuYasha had told his mate to "check on the kid" again.

Rin apologized profusely for ruining her futon and promised she'd make it up to her any way she could if she promised not to tell her lord that she'd made such an awful mess.

The miko told her there was nothing to apologize for, then she left and returned with a basin of warm water, a clean yukata and Kohaku's sister.

Rin felt a chill shoot down her spine. She wasn't sure why, but she didn't like the monk's wife. Maybe it was because of what she was; she was a youkai exterminator, and her lord and two traveling companions were, indeed, youkai. Or perhaps it was because of all the mean things she'd said about her lord being untrustworthy and wanting to "split her in two." Or maybe it was because she was the one who'd first suggested keeping her here . . .

After they'd changed her bedding and gotten cleaned up, they began explaining about what it meant to be a "woman."

The miko told her she was "blossoming." This change in her body would be followed by more changes-some physical and some emotional. She'd meet a handsome young man one day, and they'd fall in love and want to get married and have children.

"I already have a handsome, young man," she replied calmly.

"Oh?" the slayer asked.

"Lord Sesshomaru. I love him, and he said I could stay with him as long as I liked."

The slayer frowned.

"That's not really what I meant, Rin."

"Oh?" she asked the miko.

"I meant someone your own age."

"Does it matter so much that he's older than me?" she asked. "I don't remember them very well any more, but I clearly recall my father being older than my mother. And isn't InuYasha older than you? And the monk older than you?" She turned to face each woman individually as she mentioned their mates.

"That's not the point," the slayer nearly spat out. "He's a demon lord, and you're . . ."

Rin stared at her waiting for her to finish her sentence. "I'm what?" she asked, genuinely curious.

The slayer then went on to tell her side of things. Instead of love, marriage and children, she spoke of violence, rape, dominance and submission.

Now it was Rin's turn to frown. Who was this woman to think she knew her lord so well? Who was she to presume to know anything about the two of them at all?

Sweet, innocent, young, naive. Vicious, cunning, devious and conniving.

Yes. She was young, and she didn't proclaim to be the most experienced individual, but she did know enough about the world to know that her lord would never harm her under any circumstances. He'd saved her far too many times, putting his own life at risk for her sake to give that ridiculous hypothesis any merit.

Maybe . . . maybe he wouldn't marry her, and she wouldn't bear him any sons, but he certainly wouldn't do the types of things the slayer was suggesting. In fact, she felt more threatened by the slayer and her companions than she'd ever felt traveling with Jaken, Ah-Un and her lord.

"Is there something wrong, Rin?"

She shook her head at the miko, still keeping her eyes trained on the slayer. "I'm just tired. I think I'll go back to sleep now."

"Of course," Kagome nodded.

Both women rose to their feet, again leaving Rin alone.

She really hated being alone, but was quickly finding it preferable to being in the slayer's company.

In two weeks, Kagome took the "oxygen" away, and Rin was finally allowed to get out of bed. She still wasn't capable of eating solid food, but at least, now, she could eat her soup at the low table with the others instead of on a tray in her room. And, of course, she still missed her lord, but until she completely recovered and the cold season passed, she knew the chances of seeing him were slim and none. He said he'd be back as soon as she was well, and the miko said if she were to leave now, she could have a "relapse," meaning he'd just have to bring her right back here, and she'd have to have more "oxygen." So, if staying here awhile longer meant that she'd never have to come back, then so be it.

Kohaku was nice to her, at least, and so were Shippo and Kagome. InuYasha never came closer to her than he absolutely had to, and Sango was gradually giving her some much needed distance. The monk though . . .

He gave her the funniest feeling in the pit of her stomach. And watching the slayer watching him as he watched her, only made the feeling worse.

8 8 8

"She can't have children," Kohaku quietly explained to her as they took their fourth walk through the village that day. It was finally spring, and her thirteenth birthday was fast approaching. She was completely cured and back to her old self. Kohaku was three years her senior and preparing to go out on his first "official" solo demon hunt.

"Oh?" Rin asked. In all honesty, she wasn't paying much attention to the bronze-skinned young man; she was much too intent on spying a head of silver hair and a set of golden eyes. The village was busy, buzzing with activity-farmers planning to sow their fields; women tending to their children and doing the wash by the river; young women who'd come of age during the winter, talking over marriage prospects with other girls their age, throwing sly glances at some of the men as they made their way to the river to fish.

"No," Kohaku said. "She was nearly mortally wounded in the final with Naraku. He impaled her right through the stomach. If Kagome hadn't purified his shouki, she would've died. As it stands, she's just infertile. All her insides are messed up."

"But the monk married her, anyway."

He nodded. "He'd said they'd been through too much together to just throw it all away. Even if she couldn't bear his children, he decided to stay by her." The young brunette gave a somewhat sad chuckle. "If you knew how he used to be . . ."

"Used to be?" As they passed through the village, dark head after dark head, she was still hopeful to see a glimmer of white.

His laugh became louder, more genuine. "He used to ask every woman he met if she'd bear his child."

"Is that supposed to be funny?" Rin asked.

"It was, considering he was a Buddhist monk."

Rin shook her head. "And she claims my lord is immoral."

"Y-you're not really in love with him, are you?"

Rin sighed. "Not you, too. I thought we understood each other."

"We do! We do. We really do."

"Then why did you ask me that?" They were now on the outskirts of the village about to enter the forest.

"But . . . don't you want a normal life? Don't you want to get married and have children and . . . be happy?"

"Being with him makes me happy."

"But he'll never want you like that. He's a demon. Demons like him want to be with other demons."

Rin shrugged as they passed beneath the budding branches of the trees above. His sister seemed to think differently.

"You'll just be wasting your life. Do you think that's what your parents would've wanted?"

She stopped in her tracks and put on a sad smile; Kohaku stopped with her. "They would've wanted me to be happy. Just as I'm sure your parents wanted you to be happy."

"You make me happy, Rin."

She started slightly at his admission, but continued to smile. "It's good that you're happy. You didn't seem very happy the last time I saw you."

"No," he shook his head. "No, I wasn't." He'd told her the whole story about Naraku and the jewel shard, dying then being revived to serve his purposes. He'd told her everything his lord had made him do, all the people he'd had to kill, all the times he'd hurt his sister or her friends . . . even the time he'd kidnaped her. He'd killed men, women and children; human, youkai and animals; the old, the young, the crippled-even members of his own family, his own village.

It didn't matter. His only tie to this world was the jewel shard in his back, and his lord had ultimate control over that dark power. If his lord said "kill," he killed. And though his Lord Naraku was no longer in this life, the shard was still very much part of his body, and people feared him because of it.

Who was to say some other powerful demon wouldn't come along and try to take control of him?

Even after all he'd done to redeem himself, no one trusted him-not in their homes, not around their farms, and certainly not around their daughters.

"Rin?"

"Hmmm?" Even while thinking about Kohaku, her eyes were still set on finding Sesshomaru.

"Why aren't you afraid of me?"

She laughed, and it felt good. She hadn't laughed in a good, long while. "Because you're a good person, Kohaku. You didn't mean to hurt anybody. And because you know how much you hurt them, you'll never do it again." She rested her hand on his upper arm. "You told me how bad that made you feel, right?"

The young man nodded, his eyes seemingly fixed on the spot where her fingers met his flesh. He never wore sleeves in the warm weather, but Rin pretended not to notice.

"Well, that just proves it. Bad people don't feel bad about the bad things they do. You're really a good person, Kohaku."

"Rin . . ."

"What?" she smiled.

She was too . . . inexperienced at the time to recognize that deep, needful look in his eyes, that rough, raw edge to his voice. All she saw was Kohaku-the formerly freckled-face boy who'd saved her from being eaten by a cave full of hungry demons. All she heard was her name being called by that of an old friend.

She'd had no idea he was going to kiss her. But he did . . . and she just stood there. Her hand tightened around his bicep, her eyes wide in surprise as Kohaku pressed his lips to hers, his eyes closed, his hands resting on the tops of her shoulders. He was more than a head taller than she was.

She didn't know how long they stayed like that, or why she didn't immediately hit him the way Kagome and the slayer seemed to hit their mates any time they tried to touch them, but she did seem to recall her eyes drifting closed and her mouth losing some of its resistance.

That's how it was done, after all. You weren't supposed to kiss someone with your eyes open. All the stories she'd ever heard and even the tales that the miko told her, always had the boy and the girl closing their eyes as they leaned in close, their hands reaching for each other . . .

But that was all she knew on the subject, and she certainly wasn't prepared for that odd thing he did with his tongue . . . not at that time, anyway.

She immediately recoiled, and Kohaku took a step away from her.

"Wh-why did you do that?" Her vision was dazed, her cheeks burned and . . . there was an odd stirring in the pit of her stomach.

"Didn't you like it?" he asked.

"I . . ." she shook her head to clear her thoughts. "I love him, Kohaku. I'm going to stay with him. I don't care if it's not 'normal' or . . ." Why did he have to do that? Why did she have to . . . like it? Why . . .

"It's okay," he finally said, breaking eye contact with her. "I . . . I hope I'm wrong about him, Rin, if only for your sake. If . . . if anyone deserves to be happy it's you."

Her lord's voice pulled her back to present events. "How long will you continue to mourn for him?"

She looked up from Jaken's grave, her hands giving the flowers one final adjustment as a sad smile settled upon her face. "As long as I live," she said.

Her lord nodded in acknowledgment then turned away from her. "It is time we were on our way."

Rin nodded, pushing herself up from the kneeling position, smoothing her kimono back into place. It was her birthday, and he always made sure her birthdays were special.

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Commentary Corner: Even though it won't matter beyond this chapter, the well still works and Kagome is able to travel between her time and this world. That's where she got the oxygen tank for Rin's oxygen therapy. Sess' POV is up next, and it is the last chapter. It's called "There are No Happy Endings."

You guys at MEDIAMINER rock! Twelve reviews for one chapter.

Thank you:

Auroremne-No, lol, he hasn't "bonked" her yet, but next chapter I think everyone will be in for a pleasant . . . and possibly shocking surprise ;) But since you've been acting as my beta for this fic, you'll know before everyone else.

Shaid-It's always a pleasure to hear from you.

Essie-Ask and you shall receive :)

klutz82-It was sad to see Jaken go, but as you read in this chapter, he did enjoy his life . . . hehe

A Flower-Sama-Two down, one more to go.

Inubabe-Yep. Angst galore. Especially next chapter. It kind of makes me sad just thinking about it :(

jenniferluvsfluffy-I'll start posting the sequel to "In a Different Light" as soon as I decide where I want to start the fic. I'm so indecisive! But . . . I think I've at last decided and will begin writing in earnest this weekend. I DO want to finish this fic first, though.

SoulHunterJa9-All will be revealed next chapter.

Shampoo Sakai-You know me! Of course, there will be hentai . . . except on ff.net. The censored version will be appearing there. It all happens next chapter. A happy ending? I think the best you can expect is for it to be bittersweet.

Spaz913-Yeah, you're probably gonna cry. Hell, I'm writing this thing, and I know I'm gonna cry, lol.

Jolly Old St. Nicholas-You've served me well, and so I will continue to serve you.

AFF.NET - I can't complain about my seven reviews ^ ^

Thank you:

youkai tsuki-It's good to hear from you again. I DO try to be different, and I'm glad you approve.

GreaterBeast Xellas-It's just one of those fics.

shadiyaray-Ask and you shall receive.

animegirl007-Jaken died peacefully in his sleep and he enjoyed the life he lived, so you shouldn't feel too bad for him.

New Fan-I try not to disappoint

Tamashi-no-Hikari-I have read a fic featuring Ah-Un's point-of-view, but it was a comedy and had nothing to do with Sess/Rin. But reading that DID give me the idea to try and present things from their POV. Besides Jaken, who else would know them well enough to comment on their relationship?

Mischief-Ask and you shall receive.

FF.NET-three is one of my favorite numbers :)

Thank you:

Shampoo Sakai-Yes, "deathfic" means that one of the main characters will die. I hate to do it, but I feel the need to. One of my favorite novels of all times is Wuthering Heights, and Heathcliff's love interest does die before the story is over, and his reaction to her death is just... It was romantic, passionate and tragic all at once.

Yayoi Tadaka-Ask and ye shall receive.

Tigris2-You're gonna make me blush!

The next chapter will be the last and it's called "There are No Happy Endings."