InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Gods' Opinion ❯ The Truth: Side B ( Chapter 28 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

The Gods' Opinion

Disclaimer: Almost all characters belong to Takahashi Rumiko.

Warning: This is a mature story and I mean that in more than this story only containing sexual situations and bad language. It contains adult themes.

Summary: Kagome is trying hard to have a baby. But when things don't work out, she visits the best fertility doctor in the world. She finds her feelings and beliefs challenged as she struggles to hold onto her dreams.

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Chapter Twenty and Eight Truth: Track B

“Hi.

“Long time. I know. I'm really sorry about that. I…I don't really have much of an excuse other than I started to actually live my life. I have a life. Well…maybe…That's why I'm here. My life got messed up again. It's really messed up.

“You're younger than me and I'm coming to you for advice…

“I'm not bothering you, am I?”

Kagome sat down, bundled tightly in warm layers as the last snowfall of the season had just started to melt away. She touched the remains of a flower she had left here. Come spring, she would return and clean it up like she normally did. Right now, it was too cold and she was much too confused.

She let out of puff of air, watching the condensed cloud rise up into the dull gray sky that hung gloomily over her. Everything was accentuated to make it just one of those days. It made it easier to do what she had to do.

“I don't mean to do this - coming to visit and talk as my life crumbles apart. It's silly to believe that…but I believe you can hear me and help me.

“I'm not doing so great. And I know it's very selfish of me to say that. Out of all of my dreams, one came true and only one. The restaurant is doing so much better than anyone expected. So that is good.

“The rest of my life is not so good. It was…it was…I love him Souta. And that makes this hurt so much. I thought I loved Hojo, and I think I did, but just more like a friendship. But Inuyasha means so much to me and I want to him give him everything.

“He had such a difficult childhood, with his parents dying at such a young age, his brother rejecting him…But that's not why I love him. I love him because he's strong and funny and smart and he listens and…and I could go on and on, but I feel like I owe him…okay, that doesn't sound like love, but I want to give him everything his heart and soul needs.

“And I can't.

“That's why it hurts Souta. I'm…I'm unable to have children. There's not a technique in the world that can help me. Not even with Inuyasha's intelligence…

“Maybe this is why the restaurant is doing so well, to counterbalance the fact that I'm barren.

“I know I was trying to ignore it. All of these in-vitros, I thought that if I tried hard enough, believed in them enough, then maybe I could be blessed. But I was blessed with the most amazing career. I know now that I can't have it all. No one can.

“I-I can still give Inuyasha a family, a real family. I came here to ask permission…well…maybe not permission…perhaps to get your blessing…Yes, from you. And I expect an answer. I always have, haven't I?

“When I die, we'll be complete. Did you know that? I'm sure you do. I'm sure you're waiting. I think Mama knows too. I talked to her yesterday. For the first time, I couldn't tell her everything. I know she wants me to make my own decision. But she told me that the Kami have it all worked out. She knows too, doesn't she? Just like Papa and Grandpa know too. Of course, I'm the last to know…

“Yes, Mama knows. You know, she's stopped pestering me for grandchildren. That was my sign…I just…

“I better go. It's cold. I have a lot of stuff to do. I'll tell you more about it before it happens. Okay? I miss you. Take care and say `hi' to everyone for me.”

Kagome pushed herself up. Straightening out her jacket, hat, and mittens, she smiled at the stone plaque of their family gravestone before heading out of the cemetery. If things went the way they were planned, she'd have to clean the family gravestone sooner than later.

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“This?”

“Yes. I told you. That whole…pile of a mess.”

“It's not much. Maybe a little more than that, but…really Kagome, are you sure you are a female?”

“Are you sure you're you?”

“Right. Anyway. I'll be back. Will you be okay alone?”

“Yeah, I'm almost done here anyway.”

“Sure. Kagome?”

“What?”

“Are you sure you're sure?”

“I am.”

“Okay. That's all I needed to hear.”

Kagome shook her head at him. Sometimes he was so dense and oblivious and then, he could get it before anyone else. She couldn't understand him one bit. Shrugging her shoulders, she turned back to the task at hand, hoping to finish it as quickly as possible. Which wouldn't be too long. She was almost done.

“What the fuck?!”

Kagome froze. What was he doing here? Now? At this time? He should still be at work. Turning, she found a snarling Inuyasha standing at the entrance to the living room, breathing much too heavily. She thanked the Kamis that she told Kouga to take the elevators.

“Inuyasha…” she breathed his name, so very afraid of it. She couldn't look at him so she kept her back to him.

He scented wolf when he arrived at his apartment building. There were no wolves living in the building. Then he trailed it up to his apartment. Kagome's sweet scent was mixed in. He feared something entirely different than what he found. Kouga could never cheat on Ayame, still, that didn't keep him from thinking it.

This was…he just…he was losing the ability to think logically. All that he could get was that Kouga was moving Kagome's belongings out of the apartment and into that mover's truck parked outside along the street.

“Were you gonna actually tell me?”

No, was what she wanted to say. Yes, she was a chicken. She wanted to be all moved out before he arrived home, call him at work and have him meet her at Sango's. Sango knew Kagome and Inuyasha were coming over, but she didn't know why. Plans changed.

“Tonight,” she said quietly as she wrapped her glass bake ware up in the newspaper. Carefully putting the protected glass in the box, she figured she couldn't avoid it since he was here now.

Turning, she looked at him, doing her best to keep her emotions under control. “I'm moving.”

“I can see that. Why?”

“Because I'm leaving you.”

“You're-

“Yes.”

“Wh-…why-…shit. What the fuck?”

“I'm not in love with you. I thought I was but it was-“

“Don't you lie to me,” he growled out, stressing each word.

“Fine,” she yelled, her hold on her emotions already broken down. “I'm giving you an out.”

“Why would I need a fuckin' out?”

“Before things get too serious.”

Inuyasha shook his head. “Make fuckin' sense, would ya?”

“I'm trying. Alright? It's hard for me to tell you that I'm no good.”

“Goddamnit.”

“I can't have children,” she screamed out, her eyes snapped shut, her body shaking from the profound truth of the statement. Every time she said it, it hurt her more and more each time.

“Children?” he asked quietly, not expecting this to be about that. “This is about pups?”

“Yes. Yours. Ours. Well…It can't be…I thought that I was pregnant. I had all of the symptoms. I didn't think it was possible because I was on the pill. But I wasn't. My doctor confirmed it. She says that despite how normal everything seems…I'm barren. I'm completely barren.”

“Your doctor is an idiot.”

“It's Kaede, Inuyasha. Your Kaede. Your clinic. Your facilities.”

“But I-”

“I can't. I can't stand to go through and hear that I've failed another procedure. I can't do it to myself. I can't do it to you.”

“Me?”

“I can't give you what you want most in this world. I can't give you the family you want, the one you need. And I know that for you, adoption just won't fill that emptiness.”

“This is no reason-“

“It's every reason Inuyasha.”

“What the fuck would you know about my wants?”

“Tell me you don't want children of your own then.”

Inuyasha opened his mouth to give her the answer that would make her stay, but then, he had to shut his mouth. He couldn't lie to her, or to himself. He clenched his jaw tight. The muscles in his neck stiffened, rendering him unable to say one word. Dammit, he hated how right she was about him. Still, he wasn't ever one to give up this easily.

Kagome clutched tightly onto the one item she treasured most in the world, the last item left to move out of Inuyasha's apartment, a knife set. Her family had spent an awful amount of money to get her a set of knives like these. All great chefs had a good knife set, as cutting and chopping food was Japanese cooking. It was the shield she needed right now to survive this.

“I'm sorry,” Kagome whispered. Of course, Inuyasha heard her.

And she really was sorry. There was truth in her words. A low growl started rumbling in the pit of his stomach. Why did it have to come to this? Why…Of course he knew why, he was a hanyou. This was his hanyou curse.

“I'm sorry for making you believe my lies. If I'd known…it wouldn't have gotten this far.”

“Of course. Regret being with a dirty hanyou.”

Kagome wanted to tell him how wrong he was. She wanted to be that one that made him feel special and needed and loved. She wanted to be his. But fate denied her this dream. It wasn't meant to be.

His words hurt her. It felt like someone was punching at her heart, like a boxer hitting a speed bag. She was losing it all, her love, the life she wanted, as well as her breath. She was finding it so hard to just breathe. She gripped onto her knife set tighter, silently asking her family for help. Kagome needed all the help she could get.

“No. It's…I lead you on…I-I had no right to do what I've done. So, I'm correcting my mistake. The life I want isn't going to happen and it would be wrong and selfish of me to do the same to you.”

“Whatever. If you're going to go, then hurry the fuck out.”

“Inu-”

“What? Huh? What!? What other shit do you have to say? Don't stick around with your mistake any longer than you need to.”

With cold tears streaming down her cheeks, Kagome only nodded. This was almost how she wanted it to be. She had turned it around so that he was throwing her out. She had to be - wanted to be - the bad person in this. Kagome wanted him to curse her, spit on her name for the rest of his life. This was just the beginning of her punishment. She had saved Inuyasha.

Without anymore words to be shared, Kagome dropped her knife set into the last box to be packed. She pulled out the spare key Inuyasha had given her and placed it on the table. Picking up the box, she carried it out and left. That was it. No goodbyes. No take cares.

When the door closed, she was gone.

Inuyasha wasn't sure what had happened. He felt angry, betrayed, and utterly alone. His mother's death felt like this, but now that he was older, everything felt deeper, more intensified. Adrenaline coursed through his veins, heating up his youkai blood. He tossed the wooden box he'd gotten from his brother's house against the window. The window shattered and when the box hit the floor, it broke open, scattering its contents across the floor.

A frustrated, anguish-filled, desperate, and sad howl chased Kagome into the elevator. Kouga and his brothers, her brothers, were waiting for her. Nothing was said as the box was taken from her weakened arms and she was ushered into a car, finding the warm embrace of Ayame waiting for her.

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The white flag had been waved.

Kagome surrendered.

She surrendered to her fate. To a life she didn't want, but to the one she had to live. She exhausted all of her options, as well as her heart, and this was the only choice left. No more loving a lie, no longer could she ignore the truth. This new life would free her from false hopes and set her on the path she was destined to walk.

Her career was booming. This was her life: cooking. She had sacrificed everything for this, whether she knew it or not. Kagome had to be grateful that the Kamis granted her this one wish. It was a wish she had made several times as a child when she recognized her love of food. She wanted to be the best she could and she would trade in anything for that. And that was exactly what had happened.

There were no more excuses. Not anymore.

Still, it was hard to wake up from the dream. What she had with Inuyasha was special and…Kagome clung onto her pillow she had been crying into for the last two weeks. She was in pain. Did she have to emotionally die from this before she could move on?

Could she move on…?

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Ayame shut her eyes, shaking her head gently, as she heard Kagome's sobs return again. That poor girl should've cried all of her tears out a week ago. She didn't expect Kagome to be over Inuyasha quickly, but the Kagome she knew was such a strong woman that Ayame believed that Kagome would throw all of this energy she had to cry back into her cooking. It was what she did after the death of Souta and her grandfather.

“So, can I hurt him now?”

Ayame let out a long, thoughtful sigh. She remembered that conversation. Well, it was more like her telling Kouga exactly how it was going to be back during the hanami. Kagome was hurting. She was a pack sister. It was Kouga's duty to do something.

“No.”

Kouga whined. “But you said-”

“I said if he hurt her. But he didn't. They…it's a difficult situation. They hurt each other.”

“Fuck the details. She left him because she loves him and she only wanted him to be happy and all he can say was that it was because he is a hanyou.”

Ayame dropped the spoon she was using into the dish. “Mind repeating that Kouga dear?” she said too sweetly at her mate.

Oops. He was busted. He didn't mean to eavesdrop on their conversation, but without knowing exactly how Inuyasha was going to react, he stuck around in the emergency exit stairwell in case Kagome was in any kind of physical harm.

“I had to make sure she was safe. I owe it to Souta.”

“I understand that, but, you had no right to listen in. You will have to pretend that you did not hear one word, because if I find out that you, or one of your brothers touched Inuyasha, I'll deal with each one of you personally.”

Kouga gulped. “Yes ma'am.”

“Besides,” Ayame started to resume her dinner preparations. “I don't think Kagome would want you to hurt him. There are other ways to help Kagome out.”

“And those are…?”

“If I knew, I would've tried them already. Though, I can understand how she feels.”

“You can?”

“Well yeah. How do you think I would be if I ever had to give you up? Kagome is giving…too giving.”

The doors suddenly burst opened with four concerned females rushing into the kitchen, each clutching onto the one thing that they did during times like these. Ayame had a bunch of unintelligible questions thrown at her before she could even welcome them.

“Quiet,” she said loud enough to calm them all down. “She's upstairs crying. I called because she hasn't cooked or eaten enough or bathed or really slept for the last two weeks.”

“Why didn't you tell us earlier?” Ayumi asked as she wiped the tears she had been crying the moment she received the call from Ayame.

“Kagome asked me not to. She didn't even want me to know about it, but had no choice since Kouga helped her move out.”

Yuka turned to Sango. “You talk to her.”

“Me? I would think I would be the last person she'd want to see.”

“But you are trained. I know that sounds horrible, but your training allows you to see both sides of the situation. All I want to do is tell Kagome that Inuyasha is a dirty dog. That's she's right and we'll do anything she says just to help her get better, but even I know that's wrong.”

“How is Inuyasha?” Ayumi asked as she settled on a chair around the kitchen island Ayame was working on.

Sango sighed, nibbling on her lip. “He's not good. He has said very little about it. I didn't even know anything was up until a week ago. Yesterday, when he finally spoke about it, all he said was `betrayal sucks' and that was it. I think he is ignoring us since we are friends with Kagome. But, he's…he's hurting. You can see it in his eyes.”

“Betrayal?” Eri asked as she poured herself a glass of white wine. “What betrayal? There was no betrayal here. Neither of them cheated on the other. Oh…uh oh. Maybe a betrayal of nature. That's deep.”

“So, she's running away this time,” Sango said as a statement she wanted everyone to hear.

Eri started to open her mouth to scream her protest, but stopped. “Hojo was an escape and this…what is this? Really? What should've Kagome done? What should she do?”

No one had an answer. It was Kagome's and Inuyasha's decision. Kagome left him. Maybe she did run away. But no one could blame her for it. All of them had to tread carefully. Ayame and Ayumi had children. They could only try to imagine their lives without their children, but they couldn't, didn't want to. Yuka could have children, and as the opposite of Kagome, chose not to have any.

Eri and Sango were in child-limbo, neither having decided on the whole children thing. Eri's main focus was school and finding the drive to finally finish her doctorate. As for Sango, there was Miroku. Miroku asked every woman he met if they wanted his children, but, sometimes, that was the only time he brought it up. Sango and him hadn't even breached the subject.

Yuka held out an empty glass for Eri to fill up. “I wouldn't say she is running away. She fought; she still could've fight, but…but why fight a battle you know you can't win. If she had to, and we all know this to be true, if Kagome continued to fight, she'd fight until she died. The fight would kill her, and she'd never see victory.”

Kouga just stared at these strange women who had invaded his house. “And what about mutt-face? Takes two to make a cub.”

“Kouga, dear, you don't get to talk,” Ayame instructed him with more of her sweet voice.

“Woman-” Kouga stopped himself. Not in front of an audience. “Look. Kagome is my sister and I did what she asked of me. But I don't totally agree with it. Mutt-face didn't even have a chance.” And with that said, he left. It was obvious they were all on Kagome's side. Not that he wanted to be on Inuyasha's side, but, if it were him, he'd want a say.

“He has a point,” Sango said as she and Kirara watched the wolf-prince walk off. “I guess he would take Inuyasha's POV.”

“But it's different for women,” Ayumi said softly, her eyes darting up towards the ceiling. Kagome was up there, somehow, she still had found the hope to live. “Different for Kagome. She'd play-pretend cooking her children the best tasting food when we were in preschool. As girls, we are all told that we'll be mommies some day, allowing us to go to school, get a job until it's time to be that mommy. But for Kagome…no one told her differently.

“And I'm sure that seeing Hojo with his wife pregnant threw her for a loop. She's failing with everything she's ever loved.”

“Isn't that a bit…dramatic?” Yuka asked before sipping some more of her wine.

“Not for Kagome. Not for any woman who can't have children and wants them. She's not the first woman to give up the man she loves so he can have a family, and she won't be the last. But…for our Kagome…we'll never have her again. She's lost. Even if she does get past this…oh, she'll hate me…”

“Ayumi?” Eri cried out as her friend broke down.

“I'm such a hypocrite. Kagome is so empty and…and I'm pregnant again. I don't think I can face her…ever…”

“No, Kagome's not like that,” Yuka said calmly. They didn't need everyone in the house to become hysterical. “She'll be happy for you. But, yeah, it'll be hard for her.”

“Well, I'm going to go see how she is.” Sango took a plate of sandwiches that Ayame had made. Kagome hadn't eaten, which was only going to do the girl more harm.

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“Kagome?” Sango quietly called out, knocking and opening the door at the same time. “Kagome, someone's here to see you.”

The room was dark, and even as a human, Sango could smell the scent of too many tears shed. Kirara leapt from Sango's shoulder and landed softly onto the bed, discretely padding her way over to the somber girl, curling up against Kagome's stomach.

Kagome felt the rumblings of Kirara's purr and bit back the desire to cry again. Inuyasha purred.

“She missed you,” Sango began, closing the door behind her before taking a seat on the edge of the bed. “She's been hibernating in my kitchen for almost a month now. And we all know she won't eat my cooking.”

There was no response from Kagome, which Sango expected. She didn't come here to listen to Kagome's tale or woe. Someone as depressed as Kagome didn't want to talk.

“Miroku invited me out to dinner the other night.”

No.

Sango had other things to talk about.

“And not just any dinner at any restaurant. Nope, he decided that it was time to go all out. He dressed up in something that was almost a tuxedo, but said he didn't want anyone to think that he was taking me to a dance.

“He ended up taking me to the Shibuya district where La Rochelle is, you know, the restaurant your mentor, Sakai-san, owns. I've never had French food before. It was quite delicious. Miroku did more talking than I was used to.

“He told me that since he became serious about me, about us…well, that he hasn't been with anyone else. I knew that he liked women, lots and lots of women, so, it was a surprised to hear him confess that. Miroku not…well…yeah…he's still a pervert, but, he only sleeps with me.

And then he started to go on about-” Sango stopped. This wasn't what she needed to talk about. Miroku had told her that he wanted to make things more serious between them. But with Kagome just coming out of a relationship, topics of anyone else's relationship were off limits.

“His job,” she blurted out. “I know just a little about his work, but really, I don't know his kind of science.”

Miroku's job was also off topic.

“We went to KenSen the other day. Things seem to be going really well. We missed you there. It's just not the same place without you there. It really does need some new recipes.”

Sango was here to reaffirm Kagome's life. Kagome had a life, one she needed to be aware of. One that she needed to start living again. There was no way she was going to be better by hiding in this room crying all day and all night.

“Or a new project. Show us what else you can do with those culinary skills of yours. It would be neat to see your name plastered on some label. Then I could tell all of my patients about it. Tell them about how awesome you are, the diversity of your talents.”

Sango now realized that she wasn't even sure if Kagome was awake or not as she couldn't hear anything coming from the distraught shell of a being. But since Kirara didn't do anything to alert her to any dire problems, she was sure that, in that particular regard, Kagome was fine.

“I have to be going. Kirara is going to say. She isn't too fond of Miroku's place. Oh, Ayame and Moriko made some snacks. Moriko is trying out her chef skills and wants to know what a real chef thinks about them. I hope to see you again soon Kagome.”

Sango said her goodbyes and left her demon cat to comfort the poor girl. She hoped she did okay. All she had to do was show Kagome that she still had a restaurant to run, as well as the endless culinary opportunities she could invent.

The other girls were waiting for her in the kitchen, already discussing Ayumi's pregnancy, though, that conversation ceased the moment Ayame sensed Sango's arrival into the kitchen.

“Ayame, I left Kirara with her. If Kagome reaches a point where medical attention is needed, she'll alert you. I left the snacks up there for them to share. I doubt Kagome will let Kirara go hungry.”

“Sure.”

“How is she?” Eri asked what they all wanted to know.

“Not good. I talked, she didn't. I think she was awake. I wasn't sure though.”

“That's not good,” Ayumi mumbled the cheer of her newest arrival gone.

“When she does start to join the world of the living again, remind her about food, her restaurant, other cuisines, anything along those lines. I suggested that she needs to come up with something she can put her name on.”

“Oh, that's a great idea,” Ayame said with a smile. “If she decides to open a new restaurant, I could handle the décor, Yuka can do the paperwork, Ayumi will eat all of the food and Eri can bring the guests.”

“Yes. That's what she needs. It will take her time, but she just needs to refocus her attention on what she has going for her now.”

Sango glanced at the time on her cell phone and frowned. “Shoot. I have to run. If anything happens, call me right away. I'm only out with Miroku and he's just as concerned about her as I am.”

They quickly said their goodbyes before starting up a conversation about what they could do to help Kagome out.

xxxxx-----xxx-----xxxxx

The days turned into weeks as the slowest, most agonizing passage of time Inuyasha had ever felt. Sure, he missed his mother, but he was too young to feel her death, her absence, like he was feeling the loss of Kagome.

Every night on his way home from work, he would drive around aimlessly only to find himself parked in front of Kouga's house. He knew she was there. And he knew that he was banned from the grounds. The moment he stepped through the gates, Kouga and his pack would be on him.

It was okay, he was too numb to feel that kind of pain. It was suicidal to encroach on wolf demon grounds. But right now, who cared? He didn't.

Realizing that suicide was stupid, he headed back to that dreaded apartment of his. He hated his sanctuary. Once upon a time, it had been a place of peace, a home. Now…

He clearly remembered the exact moment when he didn't ever want to go back there. It was a few days after Kagome had moved out and he had returned from a really long day at work. Instead of finding relaxation, he discovered how truly alone he was.

He had plopped own on the couch and breathing in deeply, closing his eyes and letting his head fall onto the back of the couch. Slowly, he took another deep breath, holding it for a dangerously long time before letting go, searching for a release.

Only no release came.

His lungs burned as he struggled to find the air he needed. The first thought that came to his mind: poison. The air was tainted somehow. Claws dug into the thick material of his couch as he gasped and struggled and fought.

He was running, fast, thought the woods. All around him were pine trees, except, there was something odd about the trees. They had a strong, unnatural odor to them. And their needles, they blended together to look more cohesive, like green blobs. None of it looked real.

But he kept on running.

The fake trees turned into green blurs as he ran faster and faster. He then skidded to a stop once he reached a clearing. The trees around this clearing were pines and looked a lot more realistic than the ones he had just run through.

The clearing was brown, all around. The dirt beneath his bare feet crackled from lack of moisture. Tall dead grasses rippled from the scorching breeze that passed through. The air was stale. There was no living being to be found. This was what was causing him to hyperventilate.

Inuyasha's eyes snapped open. Kagome was gone. Her scent was washed away with pine-scented cleaning chemicals. He had depended on her lingering scent to keep him sane. But it was gone. No more. Did she send someone here to clean up after her? No, he'd kept the secret of her scent to himself. If she knew how much he needed it…

The desperation for air was replaced by a new wave of anger. Someone knew. Someone came here with the sole purpose of eradicating her scent from everything. Inuyasha ran into the bedroom, finding the bed made up nice and neatly. The blankets and pillows had been washed.

He ripped the blanket off and shredded through the sheets until he reached the mattress. He stuffed his face into the soft padding, inhaling deeply. She wasn't there either. Only one bastard he knew was this thorough.

Spinning around, he found the person of his disdain standing in the doorway to his bedroom. The want to kill steadily accelerated throughout his system.

“I will fuckin' kill you right where you stand,” he hissed out, his markings becoming faintly visible along his cheeks.

“If you feel like dying today, you may try.”

“What the fuck did you do?”

Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes at the mess that was his brother. He hadn't realized it was this bad. There were minor complaints at work about his rude behavior returning, but this…this was just bad.

“I've come to reclaim the wooden box.” Cruel, yes, he knew, but, he had to do what he had to do.

“What?” Inuyasha breathed out, trying to calm down, but finding it increasingly difficult to with Kagome's scent extinct.

“The girl left you.”

And the words his brother spoke wasn't helping him out either. Inuyasha's claws elongated, burying deep into his mattress. “No.”

“Pardon me?”

“No. The box is still mine. I don't have to follow your pansy-ass rules since I'm not even a member of your stupid pack. Get the fuck out of my place. Leave me alone. I don't need you. I don't need anyone!”

Sesshoumaru nodded. He only had the apartment cleaned to help out the whelp. He didn't want Inuyasha to wallow in misery every moment he caught her scent. If Kagome was certain about this, then Inuyasha had to honor the girl's decision.

For their kind, the female made the choice about the pups. The male was there to provide the seed, the food, and protection for the female until the pups were whelped. Once the pup was of learning age, the male schooled his sons and the female schooled the daughters. Modernization hadn't change this much, except the education part. Sons and daughters were educated at school and not solely by the pack.

The one thing that Sesshoumaru could not share with Inuyasha was what the pack did to those females that could not provide offspring to their mate. Even Sesshoumaru considered offing one of their own barbaric, but during the times of war, it was the only logical choice. Food was scarce, protection limited, and if the female couldn't offer a pup, she was worthless.

Sesshoumaru decided to leave, even without taking the box. He really had no desire for the box, but it was an excuse to check up on his brother, as well as the most brilliant doctor he had ever known. Even he had noticed the changes in Inuyasha with having Kagome in his life. Of course, he had help from Rin. But now, he truly understood the actually feelings involved in having someone unique in their life.

xxxxx-----xxx-----xxxxx

Right now he hated hated his job. Sure, at the time when he wanted to do this, it was the best thing that could've happened to him. It brought him wealth and prestige, things a hanyou normally couldn't have. He was working in his mother's memory. And he hated it.

It only reminded him of Kagome. How she come her looking for help. And he failed that time. But in that failure, he found her. This time around, she didn't even give him a chance to use the skills he had to help them both out.

And he hated to think that he could agree with that. He watched couples struggled and never had kind words for those who gave up. But the situation change once he put himself and Kagome in it. Now, it was personal.

He didn't have any first-hand knowledge of how the procedures actually felt, but he had prescribed enough drugs to know that none of these women had it easy. Each woman struggled as they allowed him and his team to do whatever they could to their bodies to produce a child. Kagome was one of those women.

He didn't think he could ever work on her, to watch her suffer day and night from the procedures and then watch her suffer even more when the procedure didn't take. Kagome knew that anguish. He didn't. She was saving herself from a breakdown.

And supposedly, saving him from the demise of his own dream. Kagome had him figured out. She knew exactly what he needed in life: a family. It was what he never had as a child growing up. He wanted to be the father he had, but never had a chance to be around. There was so much that he learned about life that he desperately wanted to share with his own pups.

So that dream was still very possible. Kagome knowing that she was the broken link took herself out of the equation. All Inuyasha had to do was find someone else. Someone who would love him as he was, challenge him, make him be the best he could be, someone who would be with him, be a mother. And all of those someone's would never be, could never replace, Kagome.

He could barely hear the crash that sounded in his office. Letting his anger get the best of him, he had pounded his fists into the desk, causing it to break down the middle like some karate chop. His computer monitor went sliding down into the valley of broken wood, crinkled paper and scattered office supplies.

“Fuck,” he growled out. Time couldn't heal his heart. Nothing could right now. It had been well over a month and he thought about her even more than before.

He stood up, pushing his leather chair back and began to pace. There had to be something he could do. This couldn't be the end of the end? But after a month, it sure did feel like it.

Sango and Miroku refused to say anything about Kagome. He didn't know if those were Kagome's wishes or their own decision. Sango and Miroku talked about work and nothing but. He knew their game: diversion.

Everyone around the office was doing this `nothing thing' that Sango and Miroku had somehow talked them into doing. Saori stopped talking about her husband and their plans. Instead, she shoveled more work his way, scheduling more appointments. She even stayed well into the late evenings until the last patient left.

Sesshoumaru and the board of directors also kept him busy. Projects, plans, proposals, and papers were always on his agenda. He had also noticed that Kaede was acting skittish around him. Did she know that he knew she had been Kagome's doctor? The one that delivered the grave news that was responsible for this mess?

Even the cafeteria, the one that Kagome refreshed, had stopped serving anything remotely Kagome-ish and stopped using the recipe she supplied for ramen. That was really where Inuyasha drew the line. What right did they have to mess with his ramen? Kagome didn't own ramen. And what the cafeteria served didn't even constitute as real ramen. It tasted more like that shit they serve in America to poor college students.

The more he paced and grumbled, the more it really felt like the world was truly against him. Kagome, pups, work, the cafeteria, the few friends he did have and it was like a war was being declared.

Crackling his knuckles, he growled out his response, “Bring it on motherfuckers.”

“Whoa! Sorry…I'll-I'll knock next time.”

Inuyasha froze. His flexed clawed hand was poised up above his head ready for the strike. A man dressed in a white lab coast was crouched down on the ground, shaking, with his arms wrapped around his head for protection.

“You better,” Inuyasha gruffly replied as he lowered his hand, sliding it into his pants pocket. “What is it?”

The man moved his arms enough to raise his head and peer around. Once he caught sight of the demolished desk, he gulped. “You know, I can…yeah, maybe I'll just come back later.”

“Now is better.”

The man nodded as he stood up. “Uh, I was told to inform you that the lab is finished.”

“Already?” He was surprised. The remodel was expected to last about four months. And even though this was good news, it didn't feel like it. It was nothing in comparison with everything else. “Is that it?”

“Ummm…no…well, when we…you see…no, it's like this-“

“Will you hurry up? Shit. I've got work to do.”

The man nodded. Why was he chosen as the messenger? Why did he feel like he was being sent to the…well…the doghouse? He gulped. And then he gulped again.

“When we started cleaning up the lab, uh, some three months ago, we gathered up everything you see, mostly furniture and put it in storage.”

“I know this.”

“Uh, right. Uh, well, apparently, some…things…well…they were m-m-missed.”

Inuyasha narrowed his already hardened eyes at the young lab technician. “Missed?” That wasn't what he had been told earlier. The contractors had said everything was progressing smoothly.

“Yes, Dr. Takahashi.” The lab tech reached into his pocket and pulled out a crumbled, sloppily folded, dirty looking piece of paper. “I was told that it wasn't too important. The case has been in-active for well over a year now.” He handed the paper to Inuyasha who snatched it out of the tech's hand.

“Actually, it did help us decided what to do with the new printers, as this one must have just flew off,” he added, chuckling nervously. “Okay, well, I told you. Oh, the director says that the lab will be ready to be inspected by you and the board tomorrow morning. Bye.” The lab tech rushed out of the room.

Inuyasha just shook his head. He carried the paper over to his chair and broken desk. Saori was going to have to alert maintenance that he needed a new desk and to let the IT department that he probably needed a new computer. And, while he was at it, he could just have the whole office redecorated. Hire an interior designer to spruce the place up a bit. The desk had memories. The couch had memories. With Kagome gone, he needed new furniture with no memories.

His chair was more comfortable now that his mind had been distracted with the little interruption. Sesshoumaru would be pleased with the news about the lab. It had been a side project for both of them. Sesshoumaru was always finding ways to keep everything continually updated and Inuyasha needed a place that could get the best results with the best hardware at the quickest speed without losing, but gaining, quality. The lab techs wanted a nice place to work with the neatest gadgets they could get their hands on. It was a win-win situation for everyone.

The dust bunnies that had gathered on the paper scattered as Inuyasha unfolded it. Looking like it not only flew off the printer, but had somehow got scrunched up underneath a desk or something else. It wasn't in the best of shape.

He opened up the paper and glanced at the information, ready to quickly dismiss it as junk. If someone was missing print outs of any test results, it was easy to ask one those of lab rats for a reprint. It's really all some of them did. Print this or that. Now he was interested in how much he was actually paying those punks.

It looked like any real normal test result print out page: name and address of the clinic, patient number, testing number, employee ID number and all that other information the clinic deemed necessary for filing and tracking. But there was something different about this print out that caught his amber eyes.

A majority of the paper was blank. Most of their tests produced enough information to fill out one whole piece of paper that indicated hormone levels, blood count, and other fertility information specific to the test and treatment. This one only had one test result printed on it, and it was for a test he didn't know about.

“What the fuck is MkRtsu?” he asked out loud to himself. Turning to his desk, he cursed again when he realized that it was all broken.

Standing up, he decided that this paper needed a little more investigation. If someone in his clinic was using his lab to conduct unauthorized experiments, well then, he would have someone that he could sharpen his claws on.

He went to the closet source of information.

“Saori, tell me about this?”

Saori picked up the piece of paper and took a glance at it, reading the information she was trained to recognize. Setting the paper back down on her desk so she could reference it again if needed, she entered the information into the computer. While the computer did a search, Saori went over to her filing and pulled out the physical chart that belonged to the piece of paper Inuyasha had in his possession. She wasn't going to ask him why he was interested in this now.

When she returned to her desk, the information on the computer popped up. Saori wrote down the answer to Inuyasha's question in the blank area on the results print out and handed that and the file to Inuyasha.

Inuyasha had to read and then reread Saori's answer before it settled in his brain and made any real sense. He then flipped through the patient's file and the truth was all too clear. Everything fell into place and he had all of his answers.

“She…” his voice trailed off. No wonder that patient suffered.

Inuyasha bolted out of the office. He was already too late to set things right, but late was better than never at all. He just needed one chance.

xxxxx-----xxx-----xxxxx

Kouga growled at the sight of garbage at his door. It stunk and it was ugly. There was no reason for it to be here, but it was, a fact that Kouga wanted to remedy, but couldn't. Not with his mate standing behind him, her hand wrapped securely around his manly pride: his ponytail.

“What do you want dog-shit?” Kouga demanded, standing tall, arms crossed against his puffed out chest. Oh how he wanted to tear into him, clip off his fingers and limbs with Ayame's rose shears, then shred him into a hundred thousand little pieces. Maybe then he'd start to feel better. He felt a little tug on his head. He sent Ayame a small warning growl.

“Kagome,” he stated her name simply, calmly.

“Why?”

“That's between me and Kagome you-“

“I think I'll handle it from here.” Ayame immediately stepped in between the two little boys.

“Ayame-woman. You just did not do that.” Kouga tugged Ayame back behind him, putting his body between her and Inuyasha.

“Kouga, he's only here to inquire about Kagome.”

“I don't care. He's the reason-” Kouga stopped himself. “I'm just doing what I need to do. Give it to him and be done with him.”

Ayame pulled out an envelope from her pocket. Giving her mate a mournful look, she handed the envelope to Inuyasha. Inuyasha took it and after quickly examining it, found food stains on the outside. So typical of the somewhat clumsy chef.

“She's not here,” Ayame said as she stepped closer to Kouga, who wrapped a protective and comforting arm around her shoulders. “That's all that's left.”

“Yeah fuck-face. How was I supposed to protect her from what happened? I can't protect her now that she's not here.”

Inuyasha winced at the tone Kouga used. He took the envelope and stuffed it into his pocket. “I won't be back then.” Inuyasha bowed to the couple, turned and quickly ran off of the wolf's property.

As soon as he got into his truck, he pulled out the envelope, ripping the letter from inside. It was from Kagome. She had addressed the letter to everyone. It started out explaining exactly why she did what she did concerning the two of them. The words written were almost the same as the words she spoke to him that day and they still hurt.

He began to get very angry when she explained that everyone was telling her about how gifted she was with her culinary skills and that she should focus on those, to use those skills to get her past this heartache. So that was what they were all doing. Telling Kagome what to do, telling her how to get over it.

The letter went on with Kagome's ideas about how to deal with the lot she had been given. She said she had talked to her mother, and brother and her mentor Sakai-san.

After many polite conversations with Sakai-san, he offered me a chance at this new life I am being forced to live. Someone whom he worked with many years ago has a restaurant in New York City, America. A call to his friend one night lead to my eventual departure of one life into a new one. Sakai-san's friend, Morimoto, is eager to accept me into his family of chefs and I couldn't be more honored. While over there, I'll also be doing some work at the culinary institute that will funnel a new breed of diverse students to Japan and vice versa.

I'm sorry that I can't start this new phase of my life surrounded by my family and friends. One day I plan to return, but for now, I feel disconnected from Japan. New York calls. My plane leaves this afternoon and as soon as I have a moment, I'll send you all corny American souvenirs.

Please Forgive Me

All My Love

Kagome

The truck lurched to life, the letter resting on the passenger seat as he started to break every driving law written. There was time. She said her plane left this afternoon. Knowing Kagome, she'd be there three hours early to wait.

He squeezed the steering wheel tightly. She was going to leave the country because of everything. It didn't seem fair. She was the one that suffered. She was the one whose dreams were lost. And no one could give her a reason why.

Now he had one. The answer was in his clinic, tucked away underneath some piece of furniture. All it had to do was be found. Kagome needed to know this before she started that next phase of the rest of her life. Her life, her choice, he would respect that.

xxxxx-----xxx-----xxxxx

Kagome sat in the Narita International Airport, some 40 miles from everything she had ever known: the Shrine, her family and friends, the restaurant, and the plans she did have. Kagome flipped the boarding pass around in her hand. There was the fourteen hour flight to Seattle-Tacoma before another five hour flight until she reached her final destination.

It had been easy to convince herself to go. In order to grow as a chef, she had to venture out and explore the world. She was lucky considering the connections she had. A furnished apartment, a cooking job, and a part-time teaching job all eagerly awaited her arrival to the New World. Her new life.

Everyone had kept her so busy with work that this was the first time in a month that Inuyasha popped up in her thoughts. Sango had said nothing to her about Inuyasha. Kagome wondered if he was healing or hurting? She was hurting. She could foresee herself hurting for the rest of her life, using food as her only method of helping her forget.

Anything reminding her of the hunky hanyou was left with her mother. Kagome didn't have this heart to toss any of the momentos out. They were all packed neatly and safely in a box and hidden away in the well house where Kagome had learnt her brother's, grandfather's, and Papa's belongings were stored.

Clutching onto her boarding pass, new tears sprung to her eyes. Kagome thought that she had cried up all of these tears. Leaving Japan meant there would never be another chance with Inuyasha. Not that she could have one. It was Inuyasha who would get the chance, who deserved the chance. She had used hers up. It was time to finally move on. She had to let it all go, let him go.

Kagome shuddered as she let out a sigh. It would do her no good to dwell on what could never be. She had to think about what was waiting for her in New York.

Sakai-san had really done her a favor. He got her in with a chef famous in both Japan and the United States. Also, though it was partially her idea, starting up a study abroad program through the culinary institute with another one elsewhere. It just so happened that the one in New York was thinking along the same lines. And they wanted someone trained in Japan, with experience, to teach a course each semester.

“Flight 2181 to Seattle now boarding. Flight 2181 to Seattle now boarding.”

Kagome looked up. It was time. The others waiting for this flight were already up on their feet, standing in line to hand their ticket to the attendant at the gate. But she remained sitting. It would be so crowded right now with everyone trying to get on and seated at once. She would wait until the final call.

Did it really matter? To go now, later…one way or another she was going to have to get onto that plane. Tightening her grip on her boarding pass, Kagome stood up. She had made it a point to dress for the long trip. Her hair was unbrushed and tied up in a sloppy ponytail, and she dressed way down in a pair of soft teal pajama cotton pants, and the one thing she couldn't leave in the well house: a t-shirt she “borrowed” from Inuyasha.

Hauling up her carry-on onto her shoulder, Kagome slowly made her way to the gate. She said goodbye to her mother, the restaurant, and left a note for her friends, who already knew bits and pieces of her plan. This journey was her goodbye to Japan. Kagome shook her head. She would return home soon enough.

Kagome!

She closed her eyes.

Kagome!

Tears fell.

Kagome!

Her heart felt compressed.

KAGOME!

America was calling her. Or was it Japan begging her stay? She couldn't tell, nor did she want to even think about it. With her eyes already closed, she took along, deep breath. She just couldn't stay. It wasn't meant to be. There was nothing here for her anymore and everything was waiting for her in New York.

Sayonara Japan…Mama…KenSen…Eri, Yuka, Ayumi, Ayame, Kouga, Sango, Miroku…

“Kagome!”

Sayonara Inuyasha…

“Kagome…wait…”

Please, let me go, give me peace…

“Goddammit wench. Fuck. Don't move.”

Kagome glanced behind her. Her watery eyes went wide of the sight of a blurry Inuyasha running through the crowds towards her. So that voice she heard, it was Inuyasha's all along. But why…why was he here?

“Inuyasha,” she whispered his name as he slowed down to walk up to her. Her knees grew weak at the sight of him. It couldn't be true, but he looked so good, better than…well, when things were good between them, when there was something between them.

He skidded to a halt just a foot in front of her. Inhaling deeply, he felt her scent wash over him and for the first time since she left, he was completely calm, and just overall, felt so much better. He could do this.

“Kagome,” he said her name just to say it.

“What-what are you doing here?” My flight is boarding and…and I can't stay.” That and if she stayed any longer…he was really making this difficult for her. “How did you find me?”

“Ayame and Kouga.” He pulled out the envelope that had contained the letter she had written to them and left on the bed in the guest room she had occupied for her month stay with the wolf tribe.

“Oh.”

“Kagome…why…why are you leaving? You don't have to go.”

“You know exactly why I have to leave.”

“Kagome-“

“Not just that thought. Well…because of that, mostly, yes. But…all I have left is my career. And I know you can understand how one's career can become their sole passion in life.”

“I don't want you to leave.”

“I wish it were that easy Inuyasha. But it hurts me. I will be hurting for the rest of my life. I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have. And…and I couldn't bear to be here when you are finally able to leave me behind. There's nothing to keep me here.”

Inuyasha took another step towards her. He heard everything she was saying, but none of it mattered to him. Not now, not ever. Reaching up, he cradled Kagome's head in his hands, forcing her to look at him. Their eyes connected, hers with his, like they had done so many times before. His thumb brushed across her cheek, wiping away dried tears.

“Marry me.”

She cried. Hard. Her body racked with sobs. “Why?” she choked out. Why was he torturing her? Did he want her to suffer? “I-I have nothing…”

Inuyasha shook his head, no longer able to contain the smile he wanted to share with her the moment he caught her scent, and softly said. “You're wrong wench. You're so fuckin' wrong.”

“I can't. I don't want you to live the life I would make you live. I'm going to go to America. Forget about me. I won't came back until you're married with a woman who has given you a pup of your own. I won't interfere. Never.”

“You're wrong again.”

“No, Inuyasha,” Kagome pleaded with him, shaking her head, struggling weakly to escape. “I can't…no more procedures, no more drugs.”

He nodded along with her. “I promise. Marry me.”

“But…children…pups…”

“Kagome.” The smile left his face for just a moment when he said, “I know what's wrong with you.”

Those tears returned. Her stormy eyes were flooded once again. He…he knew what was wrong with her. There was something wrong with her. All along, it was her. It just confirmed everything she had learned about herself in the last month. She once again tried looking away from him, but he held her head firmly.

“Just…let me go, please Inuyasha.”

“Can't. Because I can fix you.”

“What?”

“Marry me.”

“You can…fix me?”

“Yeah.”

“But…”

“It's simple. Kagome…you're a miko.”

“A miko?”

“Yeah. Shit. I should've known. Right in the beginning too. Your grandfather was a priest. You live in a fuckin' shrine.”

“I've-I've never shown any signs. How can that be?”

He brushed more tears away. Seeing her cry made his heart ache. “Test results. MkRtsu is a measurement of spiritual power. Yours was…well, I'd hate to be on the receiving end of anything you can charge up.”

“I don't understand.”

“Mikos have this built-in birth control mechanism. Semen is considered a foreign substance, a threat, like foreign blood. Same with a fertilized egg. Your spiritual powers terminated each pregnancy.”

“I…I did this…to myself?”

“Yeah, just a little evolutionary crump that was never swept away.”

“So…I have priestess powers. But…Inuyasha, still-”

“I can fix it. Kaede was the one who originally figured it out, when she was young. A little prayer or some shit like that and you're fixed.”

She wanted to smile, but almost couldn't believe a word he was saying. “I'm not broken?”

“Feh. Just a really stubborn wench, that's all.”

“Final call for Flight 2181 to Seattle. This is the final call for Flight 2181 to Seattle.”

Kagome's eyes darted to the departure gate. She caught people running to the gate happy that they made it on time. She sighed. This certainly messed things up. She looked up at Inuyasha once more.

“Marry me Kagome. Be a mother to our pups.”

xxxxx-----xxx-----xxxxx

roshully's note: Eh, no one ever asked me if Kagome was a miko. Strange considering I have Inuyasha in his hanyou form.

Just a few notes to share…

Kagome's mentor, Sakai-san is the Sakai from Iron Chef. As is Morimoto, who owns a restaurant in New York as well as one in Philadelphia. Sakai does own a French restaurant called La Rochelle. I couldn't resist. I love that show. Not a big fan of the Iron Chef America though…

In Japanese cooking, knives are the one tool one must have. Because they use chopsticks to eat, all of their food must be cut. Cutting boards are important as well. One reason why the Japanese hate Bobby Flay. You don't dishonor the Japanese by standing on a cutting board. That's how they eat.

I didn't make Kagome lose her spiritual powers once she lost her virginity. It was born out of the need to keep miko. Once a miko fell in love and decided to have a family, she could no longer put forth all of her attention into healing the sick, so, miko were protected from the ideas of family so villages didn't lose their priestesses. Love and sex can be a spiritual thing, so why should a miko lose her spiritual powers for experiencing spiritual matters?

One more chapter…

Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it.