InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Guilty Conscience of a Kind Heart ❯ One-Shot

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

The Guilty Conscience of a Kind Heart


Darkness was all there was. The small room she was in seemed more like an abyss as she tried desperately to focus her vision and adjust her eyes to the dark, but to no avail. Looking down, she found that she could barely even see her own hands. The soft thump of a sandaled foot was the only thing she heard at that moment. Then came another, and another until a pair of feet were just visible in front of her and her fear rose again. She knew who the man was, that was what scared her the most.

“Why are you doing this? W-What do you want from me?” was all that she managed to say before she lost the use of her voice in her panic. What she saw was not the answer that she had wanted, however, and it made her cower all the more.

“Dear girl,” he began, “I believe you know what I want from you. Naraku gave me his orders to kill you,” the tall man took to kneeling down, taking her chin roughly in his hand. “However,” he began again, “He never specified as to how I was to do this. I have a mind of my own, my dear Kagome, and so do you . . . for now. Now, do really want me to tell you what it is that I want . . . or . . . ”

His voice trailed off at that and he pulled her face closer to his and smiled before burying his face in the crook of her neck and taking a deep whiff, letting her scent overcome him.

His words only caused her to go tense and she let out a shiver at his sudden touch. The man reeked of Naraku’s poison. Just that smell alone caused her mind to go fuzzy and her vision to blur. The only thing remaining clear in her mind was one name.

‘InuYasha’, she thought, ‘He’ll come for me . . . right?’

She heard him laugh wickedly and he pulled her up to her feet by her shoulder, causing her to cringe from the pain of his rough grasp. The man was nearly a mirror image of Naraku himself if not for the shorter hair, but it was just as gnarly.

“Come on, girl,” he said more loudly, malevolently, “Scream!” With that said, he took her shoulders roughly in his hands and pushed her to the floor, coming down to on top of her, his hands clasped about her throat.

All she could do was groan, suddenly gasping for air as his fingers tightened. His fingernails dug deep, puncturing the tender skin.

A muffled cry escaped her, blood suddenly falling from the corner of her mouth. “Stop!” she wept, tears falling in thin streaks down her flush cheeks, “I- Inu–”

“That’s it,” he said viciously, loosening his grasp slightly and smiling his evil smile again. “Cry! Cry for your beloved half-breed to come and save you from the scary demon!”

“No!” she screamed hoarsely, defiantly, “I won’t! You’re not a demon, Minoru, you’re just another piece of Naraku gone wrong!”

“How dare you!” he yelled, tearing his hands away from her neck as he stood to look down at her, “And to think I was going to let you live until I was finished with you!”

‘Finished . . . ?’ she thought as she pushed herself to her feet, ‘What . . . ’

She let out another pained scream as he grabbed at her much harder than before. His hard shove caused her to fall backward, landing on her backside. Her hand landed upon a spot of blood and she slipped, falling entirely to her back and banging her head against the hard, stone floor.

There was a flash of white, and her head began to throb. She’d probably only lost consciousness for a few seconds, but once she came to, Minoru was straddling her hips, his hands clasped about her wrists, pinning them on either side of her head. The pair of eyes, just inches away from her face, glowed with an iridescent light that brought fear to her heart.

“You’ve got a pretty face . . . now that I’ve gotten a good look at you,” he said slowly, with a tenderness that surprised her. She felt the tips of a few gnarled tendrils of his hair brush against her cheek, and she shivered. This only brought a wicked smile to his face.

He drew closer, just until his lips barely touched hers in a way that sent a chill down her spine. Yet she couldn’t draw away. She couldn’t move any further. Even as he released one of her wrists, she didn’t move. His hand came up to her cheek, and he ran a finger along her jaw-line before pressing a chaste kiss to her still lips.

He pulled away and met her eyes, which glistened in the dark, tears threatening to spill over. They stayed that way until she drew in a sudden breath. She clenched her teeth, pressing her eyes shut as the tears fell.

“Why,” she whispered after drawing in another shaky breath, “Why are you doing this?”

He laughed, quietly, and smiled another wicked smile, “Because I can! Because while I have this pathetic life which Naraku so pityingly granted me, I want to know some sort of passion!”

The sudden flush of embarrassment mixed with the ache of pain and fear and she yanked her hand free of his hold. She settled her arms around her chest as he slowly backed her up against the wall. Fully aware that any attempt at escape would be pointless, she settled for glaring at him. Minoru still knelt there on all fours like an animal, staring back at her.

“Inu . . . Yasha . . . ” she spoke slowly, memory flowing back into her, and she lifted herself to sit upright again, “he’ll come for me.”

“Yes,” he hissed, “but will he make it in time to save you?” Minoru rose to his knees and began to inch toward her. “Every moment counts,” he said, placing his hands against the wall on either side of her head. “Every minute . . .” she could feel his breath, hot and moist against her cheek as he pressed his lips to her ear, trailed his hand from the wall and down her neck to trace her collarbone, “. . . every second. . .”

His hand continued lower to follow the curve of her body, stopping at her hip, and then retracing his path. His fingers felt like ice on her bare skin as he brought his hand back up to her cheek. She could only narrow her eyes in fear as he pressed another kiss to her quivering lips, but this time, he was much less gentle. She would have done anything to erase the feel of him at that moment. As he began to pull at the tie of her uniform, she made the mistake of gasping, which gave him the chance to invade her further. He prodded her, invaded her with his tongue, the same tongue that had spoken such cruel, deceiving things to her.

She wasn’t entirely sure what to do, as her hands pressed firmly against his chest, but he didn’t budge. She let out a groan as he pulled away from her mouth to nip at her neck, and at the same time tug at the hem of her skirt.

Just as she had opened her mouth to say something, anything, he had halted his actions. He was silent as he leaned away from her. Out of confusion, she’d almost asked what the hell he was doing until she heard someone calling her name, the voice faint in the distance, and she felt a shimmer of hope.

“Looks like he came, after all,” he said, and with that he stood, cracked his knuckles, and leaned down to her, “I’ll be back.”

He flashed her another malicious smile, and left just as quickly as he had come. Her first thought was to follow him, but she thought better of that and relaxed against the stone wall, rubbing her arms in a feeble attempt to get the feel of his body off of her, but she only felt worse thinking about it.

Looking around the room, she found that her eyes had finally adjusted to the dark and she could see the small pool of blood on the floor around her, near it, a pile of cloth that made up the first layer of Minoru’s kimono, which he had hastily removed at one point. A rush of realization hit her and she realized what had just nearly happened. That was when the tears started and she couldn’t seem to control them as she began to shake, holding herself tightly, trying to escape everything and everyone, but she could still hear the sounds.

Outside, she heard Minoru’s raspy voice scream curses and InuYasha respond to him by simply yelling, “Where the hell is Kagome?!”

She could hear another choking scream escape Minoru as InuYasha called her name again and then all was quiet. She struggled to hear as she stood and listened. He was still calling for her, his voice shaky and hoarse as he ran from room to room, searching out her scent.

The door to the room finally flew open and she had to close her eyes at the sudden rush of light. It was still quiet for a moment until she heard him utter a quiet, “Kagome . . . ” She finally opened her eyes and they quickly filled with renewed tears. She said his name only loud enough for him to hear and he was at her side in an instant, kneeling beside her and taking her shoulders in his hands.

He leaned down to look at her, but her eyes were shadowed by tangled hair. Lifting his nose, he realized several things. One being the blood coving the floor, and the fact that it belonged to Kagome. Two being the unmistakable scent of Minoru all over the young woman next to him.

InuYasha wasted no time in examining the wound on the back of her head, and the small gashes on her neck. Taking her chin in his hand, he turned her head from side to side, looking over each little injury. He brushed one of the wounds lightly with his thumb and she winced, guilt flooding him for a moment until she nodded for him to continue whatever he was doing. Resting his hand on her shoulder, he squinted, placing himself so as to see the many crescent-shaped cuts surrounding her throat.

His eyes shot open and he looked up at her tear-filled eyes. “Kagome . . . ” he started gently, “What did he do to you?”

She could only clench her teeth, letting out a sob. InuYasha pulled away instantly, sitting on the floor beside her. His face was unreadable from her point of view and he was stunned silent, leaving Kagome in the dark as to what was circling around in his mind. She saw him shake his head slightly, and he looked up at her, an almost hurt expression in his eyes. It was then that she finally got a good look at him. His body was almost completely undamaged with the exception of a few minor tears in his clothing.

“InuYasha . . . I was so scared . . . ” she started, bringing her hands to her face, “I don’t know what to think.” She let a few more tears fall, her arms around her knees. Her breathing stopped completely and she tensed when she felt his arms encircle her from the side where he was sitting.

His hand came to rest on her head and she could hear him trying to calm her. Her head was still throbbing, tears falling silently from now bloodshot eyes.

He proceeded to stroke her hair as he had been doing and it was then that she looked up at him, a curious look on her face.

“InuYasha . . . Minoru’s gone?” she asked, searching for words.

“I killed him,” he said simply, and she winced at the rage that showed through in his voice. Pausing, he pursed his lips, “Did he . . . I mean, did he . . . ?” he whispered, trailing off.

He didn’t have to voice it. She knew what he was talking about and she was silent as she thought back to the deceivingly tender kiss he had placed on her still form. “No,” she lied. She was still distressed, but the tears had stopped by then. His arms tightened around her as he continued trying to sooth her.

All she wanted to do at that moment was blank out her mind and think about nothing, but the feel of that man, the touch of him, haunted her like a nightmare. He was evil incarnate, spawn of Naraku and yet she still felt a sort of guilt. She was glad that he was dead. She was glad that InuYasha had slaughtered him, and she hated herself for it. She hated herself for wishing death upon anyone. The kindness, the sympathy she felt was a part of her that she couldn’t let go of.

Even at that moment as her savior held her tenderly in his arms, whispering incoherent words in her ear, soothing her to the best of his ability, she was confused and angry at herself. She remembered InuYasha’s words. “I killed him,” he had said. After he’d uttered those words, only one thought came to her mind . . .

‘He deserved to die.’

‘No,’ she countered silently, ‘I can’t think like that. It makes me no better than him.’

“Kagome,” came InuYasha’s quiet voice. Raising her eyes to meet his, she realized that they’d been quiet for some time. His hold on her had loosened, and she had to wonder if he realized that she had never returned the gesture.

As their eyes stayed locked upon one another, she could see the concern etching his features. The normally vibrant gold of his eyes was darker, almost like polished copper. “Sorry,” she replied after a while, “I’m . . . I’m glad he’s dead . . .” She had said it quietly, hesitantly.

InuYasha narrowed his eyes as he finally released her to stand. The gesture didn’t seem to be helping her, he realized, as she didn’t respond. Feeling relieved and rejected at the same time, he turned to look around the room. Solid walls, no windows, one door. Spotting a pile of fabric on the floor near him, he knelt down and picked it up. Lifting it to his nose, he was assaulted with the dank, sickly stench of Naraku and the haori fell to the floor as he again turned to Kagome. She had been watching him quietly through half-lidded eyes, an air of guilt and loneliness surrounding her.

Kneeling beside her once again, he turned his head and met her eyes. “Don’t lie to me, Kagome,” he said, a tinge of anger in his quiet voice, “Tell me the truth . . . what did he do to you?”

She couldn’t say it. There were no words to say it, so instead, she turned her eyes to his lips. Lifting a hand to his throat, she touched him gently, leadingly, and brought her own mouth to hover just in front of his, her lips parted just slightly. She didn’t kiss him, though she could have. At the time, she didn’t want to.

His reaction had been purely instinctual. The soft breath that brushed his skin only served to fog his mind. Reaching a hand up to cup her cheek, he leaned forward, hoping to close the space between them, but she had only pulled away just far enough to keep the same distance between them. InuYasha had felt it to be an awkward moment until she clenched her teeth and began to cry once more. Tears fell silently as she pressed her eyes shut. His hand fell away and she buried her face in her knees. He hadn’t expected her to speak when she did. “InuYasha . . .” she started in a quiet, broken rasp, “I wished . . . it would have been you.”

His eyes widened, and in the same broken rasp, all he could say was her name.

She needed to talk, he thought. They both needed to talk, and he was planning on that happening sometime soon. Standing, he was silent for a moment until he mumbled something about leaving because she needed to “get her injuries treated” and reached a hand out to her. Sniffling, she stared at it for a moment as if unsure what to do. She met his eyes and he raised his brow in question.

Sighing deeply, he reached down and caught her wrist, pulling her up onto his back and turning to leave the room. After a few minutes of silence as he walked out of the room and through the building, she spoke again. “Where are the others?” she asked wearily.

“I left them earlier when I came to find you,” he began, grateful that she’d finally spoken, “Sango was surveying the area on Kirara. Shippo should be with her. Miroku felt the need to exorcize the castle.” He rolled his shoulders in an effort to shrug with her on his back.

Her hands tightened on said shoulders and she leaned forward as best she could to look at his face. “You’re mad,” she stated.

“No,” he replied flatly.

Kagome paused, dropped her shoulders and mumbled, “You are mad.”

“I’m not,” he replied again just as flatly, “You let your guard down and I wasn’t there to protect you; that’s why you were kidnaped so easily. This whole thing isn’t entirely anyone’s fault.”

She was silent again. InuYasha wasn’t pinning blame on anyone, and she was somewhat grateful for that. The entire trip back to camp was silent. As it turned out, Sango and Miroku had returned there already, so InuYasha had picked up the pace and sprinted the rest of the way.

As soon as they’d reached their destination, InuYasha had let her gently off of his back. By then, her friends had started a fire and set up the entire camp. She was surprised to see that Sango had laid out her sleeping bag for her, and was waiting with her first-aid kit at hand. InuYasha had placed himself beside Miroku, who said a few things that Kagome didn’t hear. After that it was silent.

Kagome’s thoughts still raced. Thoughts of Minoru plagued her, even as she sat beside the warm campfire, stroking Shippo’s hair as he slept, she couldn’t shake the thought of him from her mind. The way his hands had moved and the way his breath had felt against her skin, everything he had said refused to leave her mind at peace and she soon found herself fighting to keep her stomach at ease.

The sweat that had begun to form fell from her temple in beads and she wiped it away with the back of her hand. There was no doubt; she felt sick, and she raised a hand to her mouth as she felt a tug on her arm. Glancing down, she saw Sango tying up the bandage she’d wrapped around her upper arm.

“I think that’s about it,” Sango said, with a smile meant to reassure her, as she started putting things back into the first-aid kit before returning it to the yellow backpack she often carried. Pausing to look back at her friend, her smile faltered and she placed a hand on the arm she’d just finished bandaging. “Kagome,” she began, sounding concerned, “Are you feeling alright?”

Kagome let her hand fall from her face as she flashed the best smile she could manage at the time. “Yeah, fine. I’m just a little . . . dehydrated,” she lied, feeling the bile climbing its way up her throat. “There’s a,” she said, pausing to swallow, “a– uh– river around here, right?”

Sango blinked, but nodded.

As soon as she’d gestured in the proper direction, Kagome had sped off. She ran as fast as her legs could take her without running into something in the darkness. Once she reached the stream, the trees had parted and the moon became visible, providing her some sort of light source as she dropped to her knees at the edge of the water, emptying the contents of her stomach. Needless to say, it was mostly stomach fluid, and she grimaced. This wasn’t making her day any better, but then again, it was Minoru’s fault.

No.

InuYasha hadn’t pinned blame, and neither would she. Reaching up, she rubbed a hand over her bandaged neck and sighed. Had she even thanked him for saving her? No, she though, she hadn’t. Another wave of guilt hit her full force and she fisted her hands in the grass, staring down into the clearness of the water as it flowed passed. When had she become so confused? It was okay to hate someone who hurt her. It was okay to hate someone evil, and yet why did it way on her conscience? She shouldn’t hate, she though.

But Naraku was evil. He was malevolent and underhanded and Minoru was no better. After all, he had threatened her life, told her he was going to kill her, and nearly caused her a pain far worse than death. He had touched her in ways that she had only imagined the man she loved could. He had stolen away her first kiss, the one she’d been saving for someone special.

The thought brought forth a new wave of nausea and she lurched forward, her hand to her chest, as her stomach forced her to cough up nothing.

She’d been too preoccupied with her own thoughts to notice anything around her. Even the light footsteps that approached her from behind went unheard, but when a clawed hand reached down and pulled the curtain of tangled hair from her face, she jumped slightly. Even without bothering to look up, she knew who it was. Just as she’d thought the feeling had passed, her stomach lurched once more, and she dipped her head, coughing up little more than nothing at all.

‘God, I’m puking in front of him,’ she thought, as embarrassed as she could be in that sort of situation. Still, he knelt there behind her, holding her hair and rubbing her back.

Once she was completely sure that the nausea had subsided, she sat back, legs folded beneath her. Only when she exhaled a deep, steady breath did he let her hair fall from his hand to sit beside her.

He sighed and she looked over at him. Giving her the slightest of smiles, he reached into his haori and pulled out a bottle of water. She furrowed her eyebrows as he handed it to her, but he only shrugged. She certainly hadn’t been giving the concerned half-demon enough credit, she thought as she took a long drink. He obviously cared more than he let on most of the time, and here he was showing his softer side, but she had yet to thank him.

“Feeling better?” he finally asked.

Shrugging, she gave him a grateful smile and spoke softly, “I don’t think a simple ‘thank you’ would cover it.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he feigned indifference, stuffing his hands into his sleeves as he turned away, “It’s not like I went through much trouble.”

‘Liar,’ she thought, surprised that he could say such a thing. “Miroku and Sango didn’t seem to ask too many questions when we got back . . .” she thought aloud, her eyes downcast.

At first, he was unsure whether she’d planned on continuing, but at her silence, he cleared his throat. “After you ran off,” he began, and she blushed, “Sango said she could see through you pretty well . . . and that you’d talk to her when you’re ready. Miroku seemed to feel the same way.” He paused, and she looked up only to meet a pair of very confused, very sorrowful eyes. “And I’m wondering, Kagome,” he continued more slowly, deliberately, “Why is it that I’m the only one that can’t see it?” he questioned, and Kagome found herself struggling not to look away from the intenseness of his gaze.

At first, she’d been unsure what he was asking. The feeling that had been coming off of him in waves was something she rarely felt from him. In all the time she’d known him, he’d never seemed so completely . . . lost. Her eyes fell closed, and before she had even contemplated the action, she found herself leaning against him, her head resting lightly on her shoulder as she spoke quietly in small sentences. “I’m sorry,” she started, apologizing for leaving him in the dark, for worrying him, and for any other reason she couldn’t think of at the time. “I don’t really know what to say . . .”

“Try starting from the beginning,” he suggested, and she felt him place his arm tentatively around her shoulders, “You never answered my question back there . . . what exactly did he do to you?”

There was a long pause before she gave a short, disgusted laugh and said, “Can’t you smell it on me?”

“My nose is good, but not as good as everyone thinks it is,” he admitted quickly, and then more slowly, almost cautiously, “I know he touched you . . .”

She made a soft, sad noise, and he winced. “Yeah,” she replied, “He did.”

Silence fell. Again. InuYasha sighed. Again.

“His intentions were . . . probably what you were thinking when you first found me,” she finally continued after several moments of quiet, “but mostly all he was able to do was kiss me before you showed up. It really . . . wasn’t that big of a deal.”

“Right!” he bit out, and she flinched as the arm around her tensed, “If it really wasn’t a big deal, then you wouldn’t be acting this way! I’ve been watching you, and I haven’t seen you smile, really smile, once since I brought you back. So, don’t lie to me and tell me it was nothing when you’re clearly upset.” Kagome’s eyes widened. He hadn’t looked at her once while speaking, but she could feel him, intense and passionate.

“You’re right, I’m upset” she conceded, and his eyebrows drew together as she continued, “Nothing like that has ever really happened to me, and I was scared.” Her hands tightened on the water bottle and the plastic made a popping noise beneath her grasp. “I hated him,” she continued, wincing at the fierceness of her own words, “and yet . . . I hated myself for it. I hated myself for wishing death upon anyone . . .” Her voice shook, and she felt the sting of fresh tears beginning to form.

Reaching a clawed hand forward, InuYasha brushed the tears from her eyes as they fell before pulling her forward to place a kiss against her temple. The tenderness of the gesture, however, brought forth a fresh wave of sorrow. She cared for everyone, even the people that treated her badly, and he knew that was why he loved her. But it was because she had such a big heart that she was often left vulnerable, or taken advantage of. If only, he thought, if only there were more people like her in the world.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t able to protect you,” he said, pushing a stray tendril of hair from her face, “I’m sorry I let that happen to you, and I swear, I’ll never let it happen again.”

She shook her head and opened her mouth to speak, but he held up a hand to silence her.

“You shouldn’t carry around that kind of guilt,” he said, and smiled sadly with a tilt of his head, “It’ll only weigh you down.” He had said something wise, and she was more than a little angry at herself for being surprised. After all, he was several decades older than her; of course he would be at least a little bit wise. Sometimes.

Smiling, she apologized again, and rested her head against his shoulder once more. This was why she loved him.

“InuYasha,” she began, reaching up to take the hand on her shoulder, “Thank you.”