InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Hauntings ❯ The Brooding ( Chapter 14 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

By: rin_sama1989

men
Died, and their bones were tombless as their flesh;
The meagre by the meagre were devour'd,
Even dogs assail'd their masters, all save one,
And he was faithful to a corse, and kept
The birds and beasts and famish'd men at bay,
Till hunger clung them, or the dropping dead
Lur'd their lank jaws

Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Horror / Adventure | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 05.01.2005 | Pages: 4 | Words: 5.3K | Visits: 535 | Status: Completed

“I had a dream, which was not all a dream.

The bright sun was extinguish'd, and the stars

Did wander darkling in the eternal space,

Rayless, and pathless, and the icy earth

Swung blind and blackening in the moonless air;

Morn came and went--and came, and brought no day,

And men forgot their passions in the dread

Of this their desolation; and all hearts

Were chill'd into a selfish prayer for light.”

-Lord Byron (1788-1824)

-English Poet

“Darkness”-(beginning lines)

~*~*~*~*

Kagome slowly awoke from her sleep, she frowned and groaned, then opened her eyes. Was she safe? Was she still in a dream?

She was in her room, that was obvious, she was fully clothed in her blue Tweety-bird nightgown so she wasn't still in her previous dream. She shifted and felt something move around by her ankles. Startled she sat up and a screaming pain shot through her chest. Slowly she pulled her feet out from under the warm weight.

She reached over and turned on the reading lamp , but what she found at the foot of her queen size bed was no monster's tail curled around her feet keeping her from escape as she would have expected in her dreams; instead she saw her large, clumsy cat, Buyo, laying with one paw across a bundle of pink fuzz that was Helium.

She smiled, relieved that she was no longer in her dreams, but rather out in this world. She shut her eyes tight as a lightning stab of pain clashed through her skull. Her stomach heaved and her hand shot up over her mouth. She scrambled off her bed, becoming entangled with her comforter and barely missed cracking her head open on her nightstand. Throwing open her door she fled to the bathroom, reaching the toilet in time to regurgitate the previous day's meals.

Once Kagome was certain there was nothing left in her stomach to force from her body into the toilet she washed her mouth and brushed her teeth to get rid of the taste then sat silently by the sink for a few minutes, clutching her self in pain. She had never felt so sick before, it was like dieing, only without the merciful end. She tried to stand, unsteadily balancing her weight on her legs while grabbing onto the edges of the porcelain sink-counter. She wobbled to the bathroom door, yanking her bathrobe from its rack and over her bare shoulders and arms.

She cautiously made her way along the hallway in the darkness, her hands running along the wall until she reached the stairs. Gripping the banister she took each step slowly. She needed to get something in her stomach, even if she was going to throw it up all over again later.

She pulled the two heavy recipe/cook books and grabbed the fat; purple cookie jar filled with her favorite snack and reached in to pull out three, then reconsidered and just took the whole jar with her to the table. She poured milk into a large mug and sat down at her chair, taking huge bikes out of cookies. Finally she stopped her rapacious munching on her cookies and slumped backwards in her chair, gulping down some milk before starting to nibble on the remaining half of her fifth cookie.

`What was Inuyasha trying to tell me?' she wondered. He had looked so terribly worried when she saw him. She believed him when he said the incident wasn't one of his tricks. But that man wasn't…he couldn't have been her own creation! She sat up sharply, ignoring the remonstration her body screamed at her.

`What if that thing was mine?' She had been worried about Inuyasha these past few days. Fearful of his intent for her. She felt like she had been thrown into a relationship that had no base. She new nothing about him, never went on any dates. There was no romantic atmosphere, no slow, steady climb from casual dating to intimate boyfriend. It was like she was in a very badly rushed story centered on the couple. She was worried about him, and she was worried about her. The guy was a ghost! Even if he did tell her everything there was no confirmation that he hadn't done something terrible in the past. He may have told her his story, but it may not be entirely true.

She sighed. So many crazy things had happened to her since she moved here from Japan, this small town in North America. If not for the over population of her country she would have loved to stay there, but no. Her family was chosen as one of the `non essential' and kicked out like most others. Japan, China, Brittan, Italy, U.S., they all closed themselves off, forcing large amounts of their population into the “Third World”.

Sighing again she led her thoughts back to Inuyasha. She never imagined how much she would miss him, even while he was gone, until he had held her closely again. She had been too excited, too in love, too angry, too afraid, and too worried about herself and what he intended; she had never once thought of him being kept from her.

Then when he disappeared…when he left it was like a huge chunk of her own life force had been torn away, cloven from her essence compulsorily by an unknown energy. In the time that she had been mindless and alone in her dream she felt this inexpressible feeling, as if she hadn't existed at all.

`Is that what it's like to be a ghost?' she tried to imagine a ceaseless existence of nonbeing. Her life's energy floating about, completely transparent. A mere feeling most supernaturally challenged people brushed off as nerves. Breaking scientific laws by simply being there to run a chill up someone's spine; never having another cognizant moment or feeling ever again. Was that…was such a feeling really acceptable, was it a punishment for wicked deeds, or was it simply death? The nothingness of death…

“All earth was but one thought--and that was death, immediate and inglorious; and the pang of famine fed upon all entrails…” She recited the three lines of Lord Byron's `Darkness'.

Slowly, so as not to trigger any extremely unwanted nausea, she picked up her glass of milk and cookie jar and headed back up the stairs to her room. She set her cup on the nightstand and the jar under her bed. Brushing the crumbs from her mouth she fell back onto her queen and snuggled up into her pillow. She pulled her blanket up over her head and imagined Inuyasha's warmth surrounding her. She reached for her stuffed brown mouse with a squashed in nose, she always snuggled with him when she felt lonely. Relaxing a bit more she closed her eyes and allowed the ach in her body to choose which position she slept in. Soon, sleep was winding around her like a cotton cloud, her surroundings becoming foggier and darkness seemed to become a permanent part of her vision.

This time when she woke it was to the like of the afternoon sun, the door to her bedroom was open and the house was silent. She slept the entire morning away.

`Why didn't anybody wake me up?' she asked herself. A jolt of pain crushed her midsection and she curled herself into a ball, her arms wrapped around her belly. She tried to collect herself and stumble to the bathroom but the world wouldn't stop spinning. She managed to get as far as her doorway when the pain made her double over and cling the doorframe for balance.

“Is that you, hun?” She heard her mom call up the stairs.

“Yeah, Mom,” she answered, the words coming out as a weak croak.

“Sweaty, are you feeling well?” she heard her mom's footsteps thud softly on the fluffy carpet at the top of the staircase and hurried to answer. She didn't need her mom worrying. Not now…not yet.

“No, Mom, I'm fine.”

Her mother turned around the corner, a basket of laundry in hand. “Kagome? Get back to bed Kagome.” Damn, how stupid was she to believe her mom would think her fine, she must look a mess. What did sick people normally look like? Pale skin, dark circles under their bloodshot eyes, chapped lips and crackly voices.

Mrs. Higurashi practically dumped the laundry on the hallway carpet as she rushed to help Kagome stand, making sure she didn't collapse on her way back to her room.

Kagome crawled up onto her bed and her mother pulled the covers over her. Then she turned to go, picking up the empty milk mug now currently sporting a straw accessory, bending down she also grabbed the toppled over cookie jar.

“Oh dear, I suppose I must go shopping today.”

`Helium…' Kagome silently accused. She should have known better than to leave a full jar of triple chocolate fudge cookies and a large mug full of milk alone in her room with Helium. She was actually surprised to find the jar not eaten as well.

A swift pang hit her gut and she bit her inner cheek to keep from crying out, she tried to force down the cramp, leaving her to experience dizzying surges of pain. Her hands flew up to cover her mouth and her stomach clenched tightly, her body shaking fiercely.

“Oh my,” her mother had pretty much made a habit of dropping things on the fluffy carpet to rush to her daughter's aid.

She grabbed the empty paint can that Kagome had meant to take out a week ago and set it down by the bed. She pulled her daughter's hair back as Kagome emptied her stomach contents into the can.

Kagome's shoulders shook as the spasms ripped through her. She shuddered with pain, clenched her stomach, and tears outlined her eyes. Her mother gently ran a hand over her back and the image of Inuyasha came into her mind.

`He should be here comforting me,' she thought, `he should be here.' She felt angry, and then guilty for her anger. He couldn't help that he was a ghost, that she could only see him in her dreams. Still, she felt as though he had abandoned her, leaving her alone in her dream to feel so alone and lost. To feel for those few moments the eternity of death and sadness of being nonexistent. She new that it was only a few moments compared to the years he probably spent like that, but for her to awaken and feel the fear and happiness, relief and worry. To feel such pure emotions like that after that eternity in her dream of nothing, it surly was what had made her sick.

Right now she despised him, and the love she had for him, and the guilt she felt for despising who she loved. She hated everyone. Inuyasha for killing himself and not being here, even as an old man, to comfort her, Kikyou for forcing him to kill himself, Miroku and Sango for having such a perfect relationship since before she came, Helium for being so happy and annoying, her mom for not waking her up in time for school and just being here to comfort her when it should be Inuyasha. Everyone and everything was to blame, and if she died a miserable death from this illness she would be glad, because she would be able to escape this happy, tragic world.

Slowly she withdrew from said world, sleeking under her heavy covers she curled herself back into her tight trembling ball. She was drained and aching, her stomach hurt terribly and the covers were much too heavy and hot for her. Still, the darkness brought her comfort, and she closed her eyes. Slipping into that space between asleep and awake.

~*~*~*~*

The world was void,

The populous and the powerful was a lump,

Seasonless, herbless, treeless, manless, lifeless--

A lump of death--a chaos of hard clay.

The rivers, lakes and ocean all stood still,

And nothing stirr'd within their silent depths;

Ships sailorless lay rotting on the sea,

And their masts fell down piecemeal: as they dropp'd

They slept on the abyss without a surge--

The waves were dead; the tides were in their grave,

The moon, their mistress, had expir'd before;

The winds were wither'd in the stagnant air,

And the clouds perish'd; Darkness had no need

Of aid from them--She was the Universe.

“Darkness”-(Endinglines)

~*~*~*~*

“Kikyou, do you really think that girl and Inuyasha are linked? I mean, she could just be some girl he's hanging around with.' Nuraku reclined in the air, his essence spreading downwards to freak some birds into motion and cause some dogs to howl. He smiled at this and turned towards his companion.

“Their definitely connected. And Inuyasha must be in great pain to be affecting her like this.” She kept her eyes on the window as the older woman left her daughter's bedside and headed out the room. Nuraku appeared beside her, his wisps of energy surrounding her, entangling with her being. It soothed her in an inexpressible way. Happiness always came with a price; she would never name it that. Content. That was the only word she could think of that could come close to what she felt like when his essence connected with hers, they matched so perfectly. If she could sigh in this state she would have.

“What do you mean affecting her?” He asked, actually his question just entered her and her answer came just as quickly, and in the same manner. They were as one right now. Completely joined, in truly the most intimate way. Sex could never be as wonderful as the perfect joining of the soul.

“His essence is connected to hers, like ours are now, though not as precisely she's not dead yet. She feels his pain in the only way she can in her physical body, she cannot sustain the same wounds he must have so she feels his pain and it makes her sick. She probably also feels his emotions, his darkened mood as I can tell. She reeks of self loathing.”

“Heh, she hates the world and herself, so what, most people do when their sick.” Nuraku wrapped himself completely around her, agitated but still curios. He cared for Inuyasha, and if hanging around his new girlfriend eased the guilt he felt for the kid's death than he would do it.

They both seeped down the tree like heavy invisible fog as the woman came out through the front door; quickly they raced through the closing door into the house and up the flights of stairs to the girl's room. She needed reassurance. She needed a push in the right direction…hopefully the direction of the old library.

The room was filled with negative energy that crackled at the marveling presence of living souls. Pure, content, love filled energies surged from them around the girl, chasing away the dark feelings and allowing room for her own feelings to break through.

~*~*~*~*

Kagome lay sprawled out on her bed allowing her tears to dry on her face. She didn't know when, but sometime during the time she sleeked under the covers and the time her mom left she had began to cry. She cried for herself, for her breaking heart, for the pain Inuyasha had gone through, and just because she decided to feel totally miserable today.

She didn't have the energy to look on the bright side anymore, to force happy thoughts into her mind. She just wanted to wallow in her mood until her pain went away. Then, just when she felt her worst, a cool serene feeling washed over her, chasing away her glorious dark mood and replacing it by the terrible feelings that probably made her feel this way.

She smiled at her thoughts. How funny, her wanting to curse the world for taking away her dark mood. Slowly she began feeling better as her smiles turned to giggles; she ran a hand through her ebony hair, thick and long and spread wildly about the sides of her head.

The aches and pains of her body never left, but slowly her spirit began to raise. She contemplated her relationship with Inuyasha again, as she had the first time when he had been torn from her, feeling as though she truly belonged. She smiled again and repositioned herself, lazily laying across her bed, her head hanging over the side and her hair pouring down to the floor. She closed her eyes and imagined herself back with Inuyasha, Miroku and Sango standing with them on a beach, building sandcastles, sharing ice-cream. The things you're supposed to do in high school with your friends and boyfriend. Things she probably would never be able to do with Inuyasha, but that thought didn't depress her as she thought it might. Actually, she felt…special.

“Kagome Higurashi, tall, leggy, a beautiful teenage high school student who exorcises regularly and dresses like an old lady.” She flopped onto her stomach, reciting her own vital statistics. “I'm intelligent, standing at five foot five I'm probably not going to grow another millimeter unless I put on a different pair of shoes. I date a ghost who is either,” she began to shout this part, “VERY EVIL AND MEAN FOR TRICKING ME!” …the closed her eyes. “Or is in real deep shit and can't come see me for some reason.”

With a sigh she continued. “I shower everyday, use deodorant, I shave my legs before the hair needs brushing, and obviously….” She drew in a deep breath. “I talk to myself.”

With that said she passed out, her head laid back over the corner and her arms flung over the sides.

~*~*~*~*

Well, I'm sorry it took so long to update. I must say this chapter was fun to write, simply because I'm feeling like crap right now and I thought hay I'll write about how Kagome feels about Inuyasha. I have always loved Lord Byron's “Darkness” and I thought that the quotes I put in here seemed to fit okay.

Well, see you all in about a week, more or less…..

rin