InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Heart Within ❯ Chapter Thirty-Eight ( Chapter 40 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, etc., of Inuyasha or Yu Yu Hakusho. This story is for entertainment purposes only, and not for profit.THE HEART WITHINSummary: She has carried vengeance in her shadowed heart for 500 years, sacrificing her self for that dream. Now, Sango just might get her chance… (IY/YYH crossover) A/N: Thank you for all the awesome reviews, they have me really giddy. That, or the wine, LOL! Again, I have taken some awesome lines from the anime, and bolded them to show they aren’t mine. (Fate)
WARNING! SPOILERS FOR YYH CHAPTER BLACK, THE THREE KINGS SAGA

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Sango seethed the entire way back to Group D’s waiting room. Being ferried down from the okiniju stalk by an enthusiastic camera-girl---thankfully not the one who’d tried to pick her up---did nothing to help her frustration. Nor did the surreptitious inching away by that stupid lizard once she returned. Although that was gratifying, as was the punch he got upside the head when he got too close to a seemingly-unconscious Koku.

Enki only grinned, patting his wife’s shoulder and easily avoiding her reflexive backhand as she muttered something about “damn flies” before rolling over to resume snoring. Catching Sango’s eye, his grin widened. She watched warily as he hitched himself up off the floor to come over to her.

“That was pretty impressive,” he said affably, crossing his giant red arms. His girth was easily her height, and he towered a good four feet above her. Clad in a dirty wife-beater, grey pants and scuffed work boots, he incongruously sported a goatee and a short crop of silky brown curls behind the two white horns that projected straight from either temple. His yellow eyes were gentle, his smile worn easily.

“Thank you,” Sango said, still stiff with anger and awkward around such a strange demon.

“You’d think men would learn.” He grinned down at her sharp look, and winked. “I’m married; I know.”

Sango’s mouth quirked, the bloody tint to her brown eyes dissolving as she glanced over at his snoring wife. She bet Koku packed quite a wallop. “How long have you been married?” she asked curiously.

“About five hundred years.” He sighed gustily. “Took me two hundred just to convince her to agree.”

“That’s…a long time,” Sango finished lamely, then blushed for being so rude.

Enki only laughed, a great, booming sound that drew everyone’s attention. He ignored them, pulling out a pipe and taking his time to pack it as he settled himself on the floor beside her. Sitting down, his head was now a little lower than hers while standing. He took his time lighting the tobacco before drawing a long drag. He slowly let it back out with a puffy row of perfect smoke rings. He finally resumed their conversation with a quirk of his brow. “Well, Koku, you see, was in love with another demon for a long time. Still is, actually, though I don’t mind. I know she loves me just as much, in her own way.” He cast a fond look at his oblivious wife, and blew more rings.

Unsure how she could reply, Sango glanced at the television screens and froze. Jin had just been knocked clean off his feet by one punch from the ugly demon in the ridiculous purple beret who faced him in the sixth match of Group A. Her eyes widened as the demon taunted the wind apparition, who claimed the punch wasn’t his best. “No, sir, that was just an introduction. An appetizer to my main course of pain.”

Jin, being Jin, was delighted, and all but dancing as his blue eyes lit up at the challenge. Sango could hear the whistle of the wind as he called it, his red hair flying around him as he grinned.

“Good old Suiketsu. Always had a good turn of phrase.” Enki smiled indulgently around his pipe.

“A friend of yours?” Sango asked dryly, and the mountain chuckled.

“Yeah, you could say that. We used to spar a bit, back in the day.”

“With Raizen?” she asked sharply, brown eyes narrowed on the screen as Jin flew straight up into the air, Suiketsu abruptly vanishing to follow.The camara-girl strained to keep up with them, but the view wavered, focusing in and out as the winged eyeball struggled to gain height. Their evasive exchange of hard punches finally came into sight just as Suiketsu flew back down, Jin giving chase. The camara-girl cursed, and the picture suddenly flipped to another camera, who rode Jin’s tailwinds as Koto’s enthusiastic voice spurred them on.

“Ah, those was good times,” Enki said, closing his eyes with a dreamy smile. Sango’s eyes flicked over to him, and she missed the next exchange between the two fighters, but it looked like Jin had gotten a good strike in with his Tornado Fist. She smiled, remembering how he had showed it off to her against Yusuke so long ago. She stiffened, though, when she saw how quickly Suiketsu recovered from the blow.

The fight quickly turned against the Wind Master. Suiketsu was a sadistic jerk, even taunting Jin that he would destroy his dreams of fighting Yusuke. Jin, having used most of his jyaki, could not stand up to Suiketsu’s brutal, unceasing attack. Sango watched in dawning horror as the wind user was beat senseless, the sound of his bones cracking under the fury of Suiketsu’s jyaki-fired fists.

“Wow. Suiketsu hasn’t gotten that personal in hundreds of years,” Enki said thoughtfully. “Wonder what’s got him so riled up.”

“Riled up?” Sango grit out, her hands ineffectually fisting at her sides as she watched the brutal beating. Enki quirked a brow at her reaction.

“You’re young, aren’t you?” he asked, then grinned. “After a few thousand years, you get used to that kind of beating. Happens all the time between friends. And Suiketsu’s going rather easy on him---you broke that ogre worse than this.”

“He’s a demon,” she growled, red eyes on the screen. “He’ll heal.”

“As will your friend,” the big man said softly.

Startled, Sango’s eyes flicked to the youkai, who only pursed his lips around his pipe as he crossed his red arms over his big barrel of a body and closed his eyes. A smoke ring drifted up past his head.

There was a gasp from the watching demons, murmurs of awe rising as Jin slowly, determinedly, got back to his feet. He spat blood as he snarled that he was just getting started. Suiketsu stared at him in surprise, and then glared. Taking a running start, the demon’s curled right fist headed straight for Jin’s rigid position. Sango stiffened, realizing something was wrong---Jin wasn’t even trying to avoid the blow. But Suiketsu’s fist stopped mere inches from Jin’s face, and the demon straightened with a sudden grin. He shouted up to the camera-girl, claiming Jin had just passed out, standing up.

Opening his eyes with a chuckle, Enki smiled as Sango brushed past him, already heading out the door at a dead run.



She met Suiketsu in the tunnels. Jin was draped over the demon’s shoulder, and he met her glare with a grin. “This yours?” he asked, his rough voice teasing.

“Yes,” she said, voice clipped.

“Don’t look too good right now, girl, but he’ll be all right in a day or two,” Suiketsu reassured her, his gaze shifting past her as Chuu and Rinku came barreling down the hall.

“What’s that you’re doing there, mate?” Chuu demanded, absently adding as Rinku nearly plowed into him from behind, “Watch where you’re going, bledger.”

“Ah, the welcoming committee.” Suiketsu grinned sardonically. “I’m taking him to the hospital.”

“Well, that’s good on you, mate, but we can take it from here,” Chuu said, blue eyes narrowing.

“Wow, Jin sure looks like shit,” Rinku said ingeniously.

“Thanks.” Suiketsu grinned.

“Watch that mouth, Rinku, or it’ll be soap again for dinner.” Chuu scowled.

“Better soap than beer,” the boy muttered under his breath as Chuu absently clocked him one upside the head. “Ow!”

Sango couldn’t believe this. “Uh---Jin?” she pointedly reminded, and Chuu nodded.

“Right. Sorry, sheila.” He gently accepted Jin’s unconscious body from the other demon.

“He fought well,” Suiketsu said, a warm glint in his sardonic eyes. “Really well. I haven’t had a fight like that in years. Tell Jin when he wakes up I expect a rematch and that I’ll make sure to settle it with Raizen’s heir for him.”

Chuu raised a thick brow. “You mean Yusuke?”

“Yeah.” The demon smiled wryly, his gaze lingering on Jin. “Me and the wind user have a lot in common. Hope there’s no hard feelings, but I have to win just as much as he.”

“No worries, mate,” Chuu said with a short nod. “Maybe we’ll drink on it later, eh?”

“I’d like that.” Suiketsu smirked, and then turned to leave. Sango watched, brow furrowed. She would never really understand demons. Perhaps it was their ability to heal so quickly, but she’d never understand how easily they could forgive a beating like that. But then again, it just might be a guy thing. Shrugging uneasily, she anxiously followed Chuu.


Jin wasn’t the only one of their friends recovering in the hospital, though Shishi was already being discharged---much to the disappointment of the pretty young nurses---as they checked Jin in. Shishi used his influence with the staff to get them into a nice room, where they were soon joined by Touya, who was brought in by the handsome, blue-haired demon who had defeated him not long after in the eleventh match of B. The youkai---Kuju---lingered to make sure Touya would be all right, exchanging a few idle words with Shishi and Suzuka, who---still recovering himself---had wandered over to see what was going on.

There was not much the hospital could do for the two injured demons but let them rest and recover as their bodies naturally healed. With both youkai put to bed, there was nothing but to let them sleep, though Sango was still anxious over how low both Jin and Touya’s energy levels were. The doctor hardly seemed concerned, however, and said he would be by in a few hours to check on them again. Taking a seat between the two beds, Sango refused to leave, even when the others made motions to go grab a bite to eat, as Rinku was starving.

“They’ll be all right, Sango,” Chuu said, laying a compassionate hand on her shoulder. “Why don’t you come with us, eh? Looks like you could use a good, stiff drink. That’ll cheer you right up, sheila.”

“No, I---” Sango stiffened as she heard a sardonic voice outside the room greeting Kuju, who had remained talking with the others just outside. Suiketsu had come by to see how Jin was doing now that the evening’s excitement was over, the first round of the main tournament having finally wrapped up. It was a nice gesture on the youkai’s part, but Sango was still uncomfortable around the tall lizard. And that purple beret was just ridiculous.

“Looks like we all made it.” Crossing his arms, the tall demon leaned against the wall and grinned slyly at Kuju, who smirked. “Even your sister, Natsume.”

“Damme, that’s right! You’re my beautiful Natsume’s twin brother, ain’t you?” Chuu beamed as Rinku shook his head.

Kuju raised a brow. “Aren’t you the demon who got his ass kicked in the prelims by my sister?”

“Too right, mate,” Chuu agreed, a faint blush staining his grizzled cheeks as Shishi and Suzuka rolled their eyes and Rinku made a gagging noise.

“Well, isn’t this a nice little reunion.”

They all turned in surprise at the wry comment, and Rinku shouted, “Yusuke!”

“Hey, guys.” Yusuke pulled himself up from his one-shoulder prop against the door jam, and distractedly grinned as the others greeted him, nodding to Kuju and Suiketsu as if he already knew them. He came over to Sango. “They gonna be all right?”

“That’s what the doctor said,” she replied with an uncomfortable shrug. She’d forgotten how penetrating those brown eyes could be as they flicked over her.

“You look tired,” he said sotto-voice, and Sango pushed a stray strand behind her ear and shrugged.

“I’m fine.”

Yusuke snorted, but let it go. “You should know that Kurama and Hiei made it through.”

She refused to look at him, reaching out to smooth a nonexistent wrinkle on Touya’s sheet as she inquired too casually, “I saw Hiei. Kurama---he wasn’t injured, was he?”

“Nope. Though it got close there for a moment, until that stupid wolf blundered right into that sticky plant the fox grew. Boy, was he pissed. Tried to fry it off with a flare of energy, but that damn plant just ate it up. The wolf basically passed out from jyaki expenditure---since his stubborn ass refused to stop trying. Hokushin said he’ll be out for a couple of days recovering.” Yusuke smirked. “Gotta hand it to the fox, he knew just how to use that wolf’s stubborn pride against him. I swear Kurama had the match all figured out before he even stepped inside the ring.”

“That sounds like Kurama,” Sango said lightly, still not looking at the former detective.

Yusuke suddenly touched her arm, drawing her attention back up to him. He demanded quietly, brown eyes frank, “Sango, what the hell happened between you two?”

“I---nothing,” she lied, and was thankfully spared going any further when Chuu clapped Yusuke on the shoulder.

“Hey, Yusuke, we’re going out for a midnight snack, seeing as it’s getting on, and Rinku’s about ready to eat his own yoyo. Come on, and I’ll buy you a celebratory drink.”

“You’re on.” Yusuke grinned, punching the big demon in the shoulder.

“You coming, sheila?” Chuu invited, and Sango shook her head.

“No, I’m fine,” she demurred, avoiding Yusuke’s too-knowing gaze. “I think I’ll just stay here and---”

“Ah, they’ll be all right for the night. Shouldn’t be waking any time before noon,” Chuu reassured her, but Sango only shook her head, thanking him anyway. “Well, if you’re sure…”

“I am,” she said, smiling. “Go on, you guys, before all the good seats at the bar are taken.”

Chuu looked startled. “Ah, damn, that wouldn’t be good. Come on, bledger! Hurry your ass up!” The big demon soon herded everyone out of the room, and it was quiet, except for the occasional beep of the monitors connected to the two youkai.

Sango watched the familiar lightning play out across the dark skies as the night slowly waned. One of the nurses came by to check on the patients, and kindly offered her a blanket. Taking it, Sango curled up on the padded chair and laid her head on her bent arm. She couldn’t say why she felt the need to stay with them, but it was quiet here, and peacefully soothing to her troubled thoughts. She could push them away for a time, focusing on her friends as she maintained her needless vigil. Perhaps it was just that she had friends she could now care about, which was comforting in its own way. So she stayed, watching the silent lightning flicker across the dark sky through the window until her eyes slowly closed and eventually she slept.


Kurama paused in the doorway, his acute senses having already picked out the dark shadow who stood against the wall on his right. He should have expected it.

“Hiei,” he said, as both greeting and acknowledgement, keeping it soft for those sleeping inside.

“Fox.” The red eyes flicked to his and then back to the girl curled up on the chair between the two beds.

“Come to see how Jin and Touya are doing?” Kurama couldn’t resist digging.

“Hn.”

Lips quirking, Kurama slid along the left wall, taking up his own silent post as he crossed his arms and leaned his shoulders back against the cool plaster. His eyes easily adjusted to the darkness, and he studied the two demons all but comatose on the matching hospital beds. By Jin and Touya’s energy readings, they would be out for some time, although the bruises were already fading from their skin as their injuries healed.

It wasn’t his friends who had brought him here, though, even if he was concerned for them. It was her. Drawn almost unwillingly, since she was so fresh in front of his mind. But then, she was never far from it, was she?

Just like during the fight earlier, in the first round of the Great Tournament, when he had been pitted against Kouga. Of all the demons in Demon World to be set against, it had to be the very symbol of all the poor taiji-ya had lost. The irony was not lost on the fox, and it was because of her that he’d gone so easy on the wolf.

Although, it was also thanks to Sango’s recounted memories of the demon’s brash nature that had provided Kurama the insight needed to formulate a plan that would defeat the wolf with the least harm done. And it was because of her---and the haunted look in her brown eyes after seeing the wolf again after five hundred years---that had nearly cost him that same fight, for the image kept intruding at the worst moments. Kouga was a good, if impetuous, fighter. It had been close there for a while, until he’d managed to use the youkai’s stubborn pride against him, and grown the plant that trapped him and drained his jyaki so thoroughly.

Still, the victory was an empty one, for it had not settled the questions Kurama had inside himself. He could not use Kouga as he’d always intended with his first opponent during the tournament, to finally release Youko and submit his consciousness to the powerful fox spirit’s. The knowledge of who Kouga was to Sango, and the fact that he cared that she would care, had limited him in a frustratingly new way. Usually so ruthless as to put aside emotion in order to do what he felt he must, Kurama found himself in a quandary he’d never expected---constrained by the very emotion that sapped away his determination on the course he’d set himself over nine months ago.

He’d done all that he’d needed to in order to facilitate his decision. He’d taken accelerated courses and graduated high school like Shiori had always wanted, had even ensured that his human mother would be happy now with her new husband and young stepson. He’d excused his long absence with a fake scholarship to an American university, and had even called her this morning to say goodbye, although she had not known the significance of the short, if intense, conversation.

He had deliberately distanced himself from those he loved the most---not only his human mother, but Hiei and Sango. It had been fairly easy with the short apparition, as Hiei, in that strange way he had of intuiting his moods, had mostly left him alone. The fire demon had spent most of his time in the company of Mukuro, actually, in a way that troubled Kurama. There was a meaning to it that went beyond mere friendship. He had not missed the studied indifference between the two demons, and he did not like the significance of it. But he also could not miss the burning looks Hiei shot the taiji-ya when he thought no one else could see, and that comforted the fox, for his intention had always been to see them together.

Which was what made Youko’s complicity all the more necessary. Of course, Youko had been willing to go along with his wishes, as the demon stood to benefit in the end. For Kurama still intended to surrender his consciousness to the silver fox’s will once and for all. His bargain with the fox ensured both their desires, for Kurama could not live with the emptiness of his existence now that he had finally admitted to a love so strong it hurt almost worse than the knowledge that he was so completely unworthy of it.

It had been hard, though, to watch as Youko had drove the final wedge between him and Sango, severing any hope between them by his deliberate seduction of the slayer. Experiencing Youko exploit the slayer’s innocence, using the subtle influence of her demonic heart against her in a masterful manipulation to gain her loathing and sever any trust between them had been hard. Harder still was the knowledge that the fox spirit had only done it at his own request.

Youko had been willing enough, even though he had taunted Kurama with the knowledge that he actually preferred the little fire demon to the pretty little changeling, as he sardonically called the slayer. Manipulating Hiei into losing control was so much more intriguing, Youko had seductively whispered---sending Kurama images of the fire demon lost in passion as he burned with animalistic need. The smoldering glow in heavy-lidded crimson eyes had made Kurama’s breath come short as Youko played him as maliciously as he had ever played anyone. Kurama had cursed the fox spirit, who had only laughed, the cruel light in his golden eyes actually warming to a buttery hue as he mentally pulled the redhead into his embrace, saying he was too easy to tease, that he would understand in the end, truly he would.

Of course he would understand. He wouldn’t be able to help it. In the end, when they became as one united instead of two tainted by the other and yet distinctly separate, their souls would fuse and Youko’s would be dominant by Kurama’s own willingness to submit to him. They would be one, and his own consciousness would dissolve beneath the fox’s.

But that price was worth it, for Youko had already promised to ensure the two Kurama most loved would eventually be happy---although he was rather cagey as to how, and already had his own plans in play, ones he would not share. The fox was evasive, and strangely silent now that the time had come to put the final pieces of the game into play. Doubts riddled Kurama at the fox’s reticence, but he had made his decision and he would abide by it.

Still, it was hard to be in their presence, to act so nonchalant and careless, and to keep hidden the emotions he felt so keenly it scared him. Especially around the fire demon, who had always been able to read him so easily. But Hiei was distracted by his own inner turmoil, which somehow had to do with the former king, Mukuro, and something else that Kurama could not quite lay his finger on. It troubled the redhead, and he could not quite keep the inner disquiet from twisting across his normally composed expression as the unhappiness ghosted through his green eyes. At least the darkness hid his lapse---although he abruptly stiffened under the weight of Hiei’s regard. His green eyes rose to meet the stolid red stare, which glowed lightly in reaction to the darkness.

Hiei abruptly broke the silent appraisal, his eyes flicking back to the sleeping girl, and then, arms crossed and manner negligent, he silently turned on his heel to leave. He paused in the doorway, his eyes staring straight ahead, but his words as always so straight to the point.

“You think too much, fox.”

Kurama’s expression turned rueful. The fire demon, as always, spoke the truth. He watched, eyes soft, as the spiky-haired apparition abruptly disappeared, his movements so fast it appeared as if he teleported.

Hiei was right. The time for self-question and doubt was gone. Tomorrow would see him facing a new opponent in the ring, and then Kurama would do what he’d always intended. For tonight, though, he intended to keep his last, silent vigil over the slayer---a final, silent goodbye.

It was only when the light started creeping up the edge of the sky, signaling dawn was approaching, that he finally took his leave. He let his eyes linger on the slayer’s sleeping face like a last caress, and then he resolutely turned away.


It was the light of a morning well worn that finally woke Sango from her dreamless sleep. She had slept so deeply, she hadn’t even been conscious of the staff coming in to check on their patients. Rubbing the back of her neck, where she’d developed a crick from sleeping in such an awkward position, she grimaced.

“Hey.” The quiet amusement in the dry voice turned her head sharply to the right as Touya smiled. “You’re finally awake.”

“Touya!” Hurriedly unwinding the blanket from around her, Sango stood up, anxiously scanning the short apparition for any sign of injury. The ugly bruises from yesterday had faded, and he seemed all right, if tired, with telling circles under his pale blue eyes. Her fingers unconsciously brushed the white sheet beside him. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired,” the apparition admitted with a wry twist as he tried to sit up.

“Here, let me help you---” Sango hurried to help, but he determinedly shook his head.

“No, it’s all right.” He smiled to take any sting out of his words as he finally managed with a faint grimace. Leaning back against the pillows, he sighed. “Damn, but that fight took a lot of me.”

He didn’t look put out by that fact, but strangely satisfied, his normally wintry blue eyes warming to a spring-time hue. Her puzzlement must have been clear to read, for he grinned, a rather charming smile that made him appear far younger than his normal stoicism. “I think you can understand. About fighting, I mean. How it can be good and bad.”

She nodded slowly, reminded of his background as a shinobi guardian of demon world. The similarities to her own profession as slayer, and later, assassin, were many. She had never thought of it in that light before, and wondered what had finally made Touya break ties with the Guardians. Jin had been rather hazy on the details, glossing over their defection from the oath-bonded brotherhood. Perhaps they had grown as disillusioned as she had with the hard choices that sometimes came with the job. A weight had certainly seemed to have lifted off of Jin’s shoulders, a silent tension that Sango had not realized he’d had until she’d seen him again, in Gandara.

But for someone with the true heart of a warrior, they could not stop being what they were, even if they found it distasteful at times.

“Fighting is my life,” she said softly.

Touya chuckled, and then winced, pressing a hand to his side, where a healing rib was still tender. Concerned, Sango made a motion to go for the doctor, but the ice apparition only waved it aside as he gingerly eased himself into a more comfortable position on the bed. He stared at her, his blue eyes suddenly intent. “It’s that compassion that stops you from being a truly ruthless warrior, Sango. Why else would you spare everyone in the prelims?”

Sango stiffened, and replied defensively, “So did you.”

“Heh. True. I never said I wasn’t heartless. I want to burn my candle to its dimmest state---but not at the expense of others.”

Biting her lip, Sango nodded, finally understanding what drove the ice apparition. Like her, he sought that joy in exerting yourself, testing your abilities beyond their limits---but not at the expense of others. It was a philosophy that Yusuke---and Jin, actually, who was so very like the former Spirit Detective others often called them brothers---embodied by their very natures, taking such simple pleasure in physical strife that it impelled those around them to do the same.

Her eyes rested on the wind apparition, who slept with one arm thrown up over his horned head. His face was turned away, his red hair bright against the white sheets of the bed. He looked better, his skin sporting its normal healthy tan rather than the pale drain of last night.

“Ah, he’ll be all right. He just got the wind knocked out of him---literally.” Touya chuckled again, and this time didn’t wince. The healing abilities of youkai would never cease to amaze her.

“Suiketsu and Kuju came by last night, to see how you were doing,” Sango said, brown eyes returning to meet the thoughtful blue gaze as Touya mused aloud.

“This tournament might very well change demon world as we know it.” He smiled at her puzzled look, but did not explain. But then, the nurse was suddenly there to check on her patients, and shooing Sango out as an imperious Skunk showed up with an amused Lord Tenga in tow. And she could hardly turn down the lord’s invitation to lunch, since her belly reminded her sharply it had been quite a while since last she ate. As Suzuka, being discharged, was delighted to join them, Sango soon found herself seated in one of the more elegant restaurants with a small crowd of her friends. Shishi and Jueru showed up with an arrogant Yuda sniffing his disdain at eating at the same table as That Animal. Skunk only growled before deliberately curling up on the old snob’s lap for an indulgent ear scratching.

Lord Tenga insisted she use his cell to call Master Sen, who had been anxiously watching the tournament from the “new-fangled” television set he’d gotten just for the purpose. Guchi had a few coarse compliments for her first round, and Master Sen spent a good fifteen minutes reminding her not to grow over-confident, that the second round that night would be harder, the stakes twice as high. Touched by the elderly mole’s concern, Sango reassured him that she would be careful. She heard Guchi snort in the background, and felt such a sudden warmth of feeling for the two old demons her heart felt tight as she hung up.

Looking at all the demons around her---people she would never, ever, have expected to become such good friends and who she wouldn’t trade now for the world, Sango suddenly realized life had a strange way of working things out. She realized, abruptly, that she was content, even happy, and maybe that was enough in the end.

Yes, she had lost much, but really, she had gained a lot, too. And while it could not replace those who would forever remain in her heart---Inuyasha, Kagome, her brother and her houshi and the sweet nekomata she missed even now---she didn’t need to hang on to that loss like she had before. The darkness and bitterness, the empty longing…it all seemed so strange now, that she had held on to it for so long. In light of Naraku’s death, it was even rather petty and pointless, that she had made herself such a martyr to it for so very long. Maybe she hadn’t gained the redemption she’d sought in revenge, but she had gained something more.

Herself.

It was a heady thought, and one so new she couldn’t comprehend all the nuances of it yet. But she suddenly felt free, free in a way that she---and Kagura---had always yearned for. In that sudden rush of intense acknowledgement, even the consequence of her dark promise to Shigure seemed less terrible than it always had. She had people in her life now who understood and accepted her as she now was, and that was…something wonderful. It eased somewhat the pain of knowledge that she could never go back to what was, but she no longer had to shackle herself to that fact either. She could let it go and live now, live as she had always yearned so much for---free of the pain and the past, and completely, wholly, herself.

It was enough.