InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Hentai's Helper ❯ One-Shot

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: I am required to once again affirm that I do not own the characters of Inuyasha. I only own the closet I'm letting them play in.

---oOo---

Kagome sighed, a bit of a morose tone to it, and laid back on her sleeping bag. Glancing around camp, she discreetly looked up into the tree over her head, where her hentai hanyou companion was stretched out, arms crossed behind his head, and legs hanging over the branch, looking quite comfortable for such an awkward position.

She wondered if he'd realized that Kikyou was in the neighborhood yet.

Shaking her head, she realized that it didn't matter. They were nearing the village again, only standing a few hours from the well, and she figured that was a good thing, because as soon as Inuyasha came back from his next meeting with the undead ex-girlfriend, she'd be heading home, after the expected fight, of course.

It always worked out this way. Inu would go see Kikyou, she'd pretend to get angry, they'd fight as soon as he got back, she'd storm off to the well and go home for a few days, and then Inuyasha would come after her, using the need to make it all up to her for another excuse to get a lot of groping in. Overall, she really didn't mind the whole thing, except that, yes, she was still a tiny bit jealous of the ex, and then, the whole hassle of having to be without the hanyou for a few days.

She brightened considerably though, when she realized that her hanyou had planned this all out for her benefit. He'd obviously remembered that she had to go home anyway - she had a major test the day after tomorrow, and the timing couldn't be better. The only thing she wondered about was how he got Kikyou to cooperate with him...

Inuyasha, in the meantime, was sitting back with a pleased grin. Things were looking wonderful from where he was sitting. The only thing he disliked about the situation that was about to come up, was the need to be away from his onna for two days. Of course, he always hated it when she was gone... but the reward at the end was great, and he wished he could just jump ahead and get to the good parts - or her good parts, as it were.

He knew the others were already aware that Kikyou was in the vicinity, and were simply waiting for him to take off, so, deciding to oblige everyone and get the ball rolling, he jumped down from his tree and, glancing down at Kagome, he gave her his trademark guilty look, and took off.

Kagome sighed again, and Sango moved over to join her, after giving the hentai houshi a death-glare and warning him to stay away.

"Kagome, are you okay?"

Kagome let a slight smile touch her lips. Sango was in for a shock.

"Yup, I'm fine." She started giggling as soon as she caught sight of her best friend's face.

"But, Kagome... you know where he is, don't you?"

Sitting up, she flashed her a genuine smile. "Yeah, I know where he's at." Standing, she began rolling her sleeping bag back up, then packed her things in her bag. May as well be ready to go - he'd probably be back soon.

Sango watched her friend packing her things with a frown. None of this made sense. She was getting ready to leave, as she usually did when the undead priestess came into it, and yet, she didn't look angry at all. She looked like she was... anticipating what was coming.

Kagome shook her head, amused by Sango's obvious confusion, and decided to put her out of her misery. Motioning her to follow, they stepped out of the clearing the camp was in. She wanted to tell Sango what was up, not Miroku. It wouldn't do to give the male any information.

"It's really okay, Sango. This is another one of those 'opportunities' I'm letting Inuyasha think he's making."

Sango's jaw dropped. She was stunned. "You mean, you're letting him go to Kikyou? It's all an excuse for more hentai activities?!"

She nodded. "Yes. When he gets back, we'll fight, I'll go home, where, incidentally, I need to be for a test anyway, then he'll come get me, and spend the next few days 'making it up to me' and getting a lot of groping in." She shrugged. "Sure, it's annoying that he even uses Kikyou as a 'groping excuse' but..." she frowned thoughtfully, tapping her finger against her chin, "... the thing that really drives me nuts about it is, I can't figure out how he's managed to get her to show up when he wants. It's making me crazy."

Sango stared at her. "What do you mean, get her to show up when he wants?"

Kagome gave her an arch look. "C'mon, Sango... haven't you ever noticed how almost all his little 'Kikyou encounters' happen when we're near the well? Makes it easy and convenient for me to be able to go home after our 'fight'."

Her eyes opened wide when what Kagome was saying kicked in. "oh - OH! I never would have guessed! That sneak!"

Kagome grabbed her and pulled her back towards their camp. "C'mon... Inuyasha's back - means it's time for our 'fight'."

Sango followed Kagome back, and sat down near the fire, pretty much missing the entire fight, only vaguely waving a hand when Kagome asked to 'borrow' Kirara to get to the well. She was seriously stuck on trying to figure out just exactly how Inuyasha was getting Kikyou to cooperate with his hentai timetable.

She spent the rest of the evening preoccupied with her thoughts, not even realizing when the hanyou and the houshi snuck off to talk.

Shippo just watched the goings on of the adults and shook his head.

I hope I don't act this stupid when I grow up.

I don't think I could stand it.

---oOo---

Kikyou leaned back in her tree, smiling happily at her reward. Back when she'd been alive, she'd never have believed how much of a hentai Inuyasha could truly be, and she was glad he'd never tried any of that crap with her. Especially now.

Being undead, she really had no interest in anything of a sexual nature, so she hadn't been offended when she'd found out that the hanyou had never had those thoughts about her at all, even back in her heyday. She was perfectly fine with him lusting after Kagome... and had no problem helping him out with his little hentai games - as long as she got what she wanted out of it.

Chocolate.

She'd seriously become addicted to the sweet the moment Inuyasha had shared some with her the first time, and when he'd offered her a continuing supply in return for her showing up at certain times and in proximity to her old village, she'd happily complied.

She snickered as a stray thought crossed her mind.

He'd once mentioned something Kagome had said to him about chocolate, and even though she'd never had sex, as a priestess, she knew enough about it, and she whole-heartedly agreed with the sentiment behind the statement.

In her mind, chocolate decidedly was better than sex. And less messy, too.