InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Horrible Hair Hullabaloo ❯ The Horrible Hair Hullabaloo part 1 ( Chapter 2 )

IDontKnow- UltimateCreature2 I went to the site address you posted...weird! The only thing that puzzles me is, if they ever do get around to doing it, will INUYASHA sink as fast as MOONLIGHTING did?

-picturing Kagome as Cybil Shepherd and Inuyasha as Bruce Willis-

AAAAAAAAAH! Please! Somebody get that image out of my head! And quickly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-IDontKnow stumbles to his medicine cabinet in search of Aspirin and an icepack!-

M.A.S.K. Fan - WHOA! What episode is this??? I MUST see it for myself

SakuraSango- Yeah I got the address. YIKES!!!!

-runs to IDontKnow with a huge mallet- Here I'll hit u with this and the image will fall out. Hmmm, last time I hit someone it took 5 mins. but that was with a plunger...how about 5 hits?

-stops and realizes it's all Ultimate Creatures fault-

-grabs a huge mallet and runs after Ultimate Creature-

IDontKnow- Excuse me, did I miss something? I go away for a while and come back and SakuraSango is threatening to hit me with a mallet just because I read about Inuyasha and Kagome

`oh! There's that image again!'

SakuraSango, please, knock me unconscious! And while we're at it, thank you for not hitting me with a plunger, I do not like to think where that might have been!

`Oh no!Another image! Hit me! Hit me now! Pleasssssssssssse!'

SakuraSango- -stops chasing ultimate creature and starts after IDK- Where do you wanna get hit...top of the head or the back... -waves the mallet around-

Hieis girl-...........wave that Mallet....SakuraSango

SakuraSango- -waves the mallet even more- IDK where do u want me to hit ya...

UltimateCreature2- -smacks SakuraSango with her mallet knocking her out-

IDontKnow- WHY DID YOU SMACK SAKURASANGO with the Big Mac of Mallets UC? She was trying to deliver me of a hideous image, stuck in my head! Now, all I will be able to see is...is Kagome and Inuyasha... oh the horror!

-Takes mallet from UC and bashes own head.-

-The unconscious IDK is now profoundly happy! `OH NO! Even unconsciousit is stillstuck in here! AAAAAAAUUGH!'-

SakuraSango-, -rubs her head- God that hurts...man everyone's against me head...

-falls down face first- nighty night

Faewillow- I must be part cat because all the noise made me curious... I went and read, and I have to wonder if whoever typed that description also talks without punctuation. To offer one of my fave Python quotes: MY BRAIN HURTS! -passes out-

IDontKnow- -still unconscious-

-struggling hard to remove the image from his mind, temporarily taken off-line by the giant mallet of SakuraSango (no relation to the Giant Hatchet of Gaetenmaru, I don't think!) by softly humming songs to himself...unfortunately, he can only access two since the mallet did such damage: These Dreams (go on when I close my eyes) by Heart, and Sweet Dreams Are Made of This by the Eurythmics...neither one of which help AT ALL to get this vision out of my head! LOL-

SakuraSango- -wakes up- God Ultimate Creature what did I do to u...

-*reaches behind her*- feel the wrath of my plunger!! -*pulls out a broken plunger*- Oh that's right I broke it hitting Hieis girl...oh well...I'm gonna find some ice...

gamergirl- play nice children -rolls eyes- Did someone start a bakafest and didn't tell me?

UltimateCreature2- Were not bakas you are.

gamergirl- -points to everyone else- yes ... you all are bakas

SakuraSango- HEY!!! I'm not a baka....Ultimate creature is..............

IDontKnow- GG I am not Baka. I am just and OLD Inuyasha fan who, through no fault of his own, has become involved in the fight of his life...I am lucky to have survived this long, with my brain still in the wash (oh, sorry that's another thread! LOL) in the meantime, allow me to give you one thing in parting GG...

-IDK pulls out a giant water pistol and lets GG have a blast right between the eyes-

Now you're in on it too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SakuraSango- GG u r wrong...I'm not a baka and IDontKnow isn't one...

Darlkana- I go away for a while and everyone is having fun lol...I want to join the fun too...

-crosses arms pouts like a little child- Well, I guess there's nothing to do other than-

-stands up a table with a microphone in hand and starts singing off tune very badly- "I want to change the world..." hehehe ^_^

SakuraSango- -grabs IDK's huge water pistol and shoot Darlkana-

There now your part of it...

faewillow- -wakes up to ask-

um... I think I know this, but what's a Baka? Does that mean idiot?

SakuraSango- yep it does- at least I'm pretty sure it does-...'n I'm not one..........

Gamergirl- baka= stupidass, moron, idiot, dumbass, etc

Faewillow-'k, thanx for the info ^_^

IDontKnow-Hey!!!!!!!!!!! SakuraSango, that water pistol was full of my secret hair restoring formula I got it from Hiten's estate after I filed a writ under the Freedom of Information Act!

Now darlkana is going to be covered with all of MY beautiful hair, and I will NEVER have enough coverage on my cranium to attract cortices!

Oh the horror!

-IDK hands Darlkana a razor and a can of shaving cream- Here, take this, I understand that potion is potentially potent, so you may need these!

My poor fate, destined to remain forever uncovered by follicles. Oh how I wanted to see those follicles frolicking on my head! But alas, it is not to be! :(

SakuraSango- -looks at the water pistol in her hands 'n hides it behind her- Who me???

-looks over at Darlkana 'n giggles- Ummm...I hear my cat callin...oh 'n someone take a picture for me to see later...

Darlkana- The water pistol had what in it??? -Takes razor out of IDK's hand and shaves-

SakuraSango you are seriously going to pay for this... -looks for SakuraSango with razor in hand- lol...

(A/n- And this is where it all starts…)

IDontKnow- -speaks dramatically- Since you have deprived me of the chance to see four million frolicking follicles on my head, life just doesn't seem to be worth the living anymore, oh the agony of being bald!

Oh the torture of being called Chihuahua to my face yet! It is not my fault I was blessed with stunning looks, notice I did not say GOOD looks, and no hair! I almost feel like I want to write a fanfic full of profanity which attacks EVERYONE and is completely off topic!

Now Darlkana will have to log in under the name WOOKIE, SakuraSango will be laid LOW, and all is right with the world! But there is ONE good thing to come out of all this, at least that image is GONE!

Faewillow- So should we call Darlkana Chewbaka now

-pats IDK on the head-

Don't worry, there's always the thunder brothers' hair restoration method!

-evil grin-

Now, all you gotta do is find a maiden...

SakuraSango- -giggles listening to the craziness that's going on while hiding behind a big rock- Well at least I'm safe here for now.......

faewillow- -Sips from her 6th cup of coffee today- On the wookie subject...hey, I wonder... When Star Wars played in Japan, with the name Chewbaka ending in baka - if it sounded like idiot was part of his name?

Pizza the Hut- They'd probably change it to Chewie.

Faewillow- I can just picture everyone in the theatre laughing at the idea of Chewie as a big hairy dumbass

Oh... and:

-CLICK -

-snaps photo of fuzzy Darlkana for SakuraSango's collection-

Darlkana- Hmm IDK could always use a wig to cover the baldness of the head...

I finally got rid of that unwanted hair lol... -finds photo steals it and tears it up- ha now you no longer have that photo...

IDontKnow- I wish you hadn't mentioned Chewbaka. I have already been chewed out once today!

Busy have I been focusing on funerals for the four million frolicking follicles that now will never see the light of day thanks to SOMEONE we all know and love who is hiding behind a rock!

Hmmm, I saw the picture before you tore it up, Darlkana, you look better in a Coastguardsman's beard than I do!

Hmmm, who do I boil down (and btw I WAS using the formula from Hiten's BOILING MAIDENS COOKBOOK)

-rolls up in wheelchair to the rock where SakuraSango is hiding. Snatching her up does some quick measurements with a ruler.-

Nah, too small, haveta throw her back! Can I have a volunteer please?

IDontKnow- Excuse me -while humming the theme from the musical HAIR Hiten…uh….IDontKnow begins to sharpen an enormous meat cleaver- HAIR, HAIR, LONG AND BEAUTIFUL HAIR!

Now, let's see once I bring the water to a boil I have to add: Parsley, Onion, Sage, Horseradish...OOPS wrong recipe, now where did I put that hair restoring formula? Oh, Faewillow, will you come here for just a moment please? And try to remain calm, though with six cups of coffee in you that may prove difficult. Nonetheless the pain will be minimal. That is minimal after it kills you!

SakuraSango- Too small...well that's the first time I heard that...its usually your too old to do this or that...

ummm faewillow before u go to the psycho with the huge knife...do u have any negatives of the photo.....

IDontKnow- Hmmmmm, Let me see. There are no instructions in my formula for this situation.

What happens if I boil Faewillow down into mush and use her as the chief ingredient in my `Potentially Potent Potion' only to discover that the caffeine in the six cups of coffee she consumed in copious quantities compromises the growth of my four million frolicking follicles? What will I do if the hair is so jacked up on caffeine that it dances until it drops? Drops right off my head yet!

No, no, no, no, no, I must find a woman with more calmness of the insides. But what if I never get another chance to catch someone so easily? My follicles may never frolic again!

And then I hear "Get a wig!" Yeah, right! I want frolicking follicles not acrylic ones! I must pause and consider my situation!

Faewillow- Whoa, I spend one lousy day away from cyberspace and the sky falls in here!

-dodges away from cleaver- I'll forgive you for anything if you just put down that meat cleaver!

-hides behind GG & SakuraSango- Besides, if you remember the literal definition of a maiden, I haven't fit it for a few years. Besides, do you really want the twisted mind of faewillow directing the growth of your hair.

Oh SakuraSango the photo of Darlkana hehe... it's digital -hands over a CD-

SakuraSango- -grabs the CD 'n runs- Thanks I'll haveta look at this but first I'm hidin it.......

Faewillow- I grew up with a camera in my hands. Sometimes it just takes over.

IDontKnow- Faewillow please do not move so much you are throwing off my aim! Let me make the process as painless for you as I can.

-takes a huge swipe at the soon to be fricasseed provider of frolicking follicles and misses by a millimeter-

The truth is I don't much care whether you fit the definition of MAIDEN or not, I think that Hiten was being too literal in that case, and as for your mind being twisted? You are dealing here with an old man with a meat cleaver who needs you to make his hair potion.

<suddenly the sound of an airplane can be heard in the distance...it is a Douglass DC-3, and out of its cargo door come thousands of pieces of what looks like paper come floating down>

IDontKnow- Ah, they have arrived...

-picking up one of the papers the secret is revealed. It is an 8 by 10 black and white glossy photo of Darlkana covered in shaving cream and looking for all the world like a rabid wolf creature-

-putting the cleaver down, and handing one of the pics to Faewillow- Do you like it? I took it with my dad's old Brownie hand camera. It's hidden in the top of that tree. I had 7000 prints made and scattered by air all over the place, just to prove the formula works.

faewillow- -jumping & dodging-

I used a...

-jumps over IDK's head-

....Nikon...

-lands behind IDK-

....D-100...

-makes a grab for the knife-

....Darn! missed!

-hands over a print same moment, but from the side heads off into next thread to avoid being chopped-

KitsuneYoukai- Hi what is going on here?

SakuraSango- Hiya Kit...just don't tell IDontKnow that your a maiden...he's just a little crazy...

-looks at the picture and cracks up- I like that look...

KitsuneYoukai- I am confused...T_T...maiden? Would that mean, like you're single and you haven't done it yet? or that you're still a young girl? Or something like that??? O.o

Faewillow-Exactly! ^_^ And being none of which, I am not an appropriate hair-restoring formula ingredient!!!

KitsuneYoukai- gosh...I'm gone since like last September and everything is confusing me now... T_T

IDontKnow- Come back, I wasn't going to kill you Faewillow, I was just going to hurt you! Sacrifices must be made for the benefit of furthering the science of making follicles frolic!

Darn! I lose more victims, uh, friends that way! Oh well, SakuraSango will haveta do! Oh SakuraSango, could you come here a moment?

SakuraSango- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! -runs far far away from the knife wielding psycho-

Not me...I'm not a great candidate either...

So don't look at me...

Faewillow- -Takes away IDK's knife- SakuraSango don't worry... he's a knifeless psycho now, just like the rest of us.

IDontKnow- -Suddenly a hot glue gun appears out of nowhere and IDK shoots SakuraSango with it, freezing her in one position.-

Now, this is more like it.

-picking up SakuraSango and placing her in the basket on IDK's chair-

Now all I got to do is build a nice roaring fire and wait for the water to boil and I can get started! Second best is better than best when best refuses to be bettered!

<somewhere else>

Faewillow- Hmmm... - reaches into pockets pulls out several colors of Manic Panic dye-

-grins-

IDontKnow- to paraphrase Hiten "I can smell your DIE, I mean, DYE!" When I catch you, you will be too tired to run. I want my frolicking follicles even if I have to chase you into every thread here!
-puts down the cleaver and steals Tokijin from Sesshomaru who is too busy singing to notice!-

Sesshomaru- `IM SO PRETTY! IM SO PRETTY AND SO HAPPY AND [GASP!] GAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

IDontKnow- The musical South Pacific will NEVER be the same again. LOL

Faewillow- All right... THAT'S IT! -grabs handle of butcher knife-

-grabs pommel of Tokijin-

-sprinkles both with faerie dust-

-butcher knife shrinks to size of a thimble; Tokijin finds its proper place-

-applies 5 bright colors of dye to IDK's bald head-
-dusts off hands- There. ^_^

IDontKnow- I like the look! Thank you, but your assistance comes too late, for SakuraSango should be just about coming to a boil in another thread as we speak!
-Hmmm Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, and Violet! All those colors on my bald pate should make it easy for me to color code where the most hair should be planted-
-sniff-

Mmmm, I love the smell of boiled SakuraSango and hot glue!

<back to the boiling pot>

SakuraSango- HEY!!! No fair...-her left arm breaks loose 'n her trusty mallet appears-

Long time no see...-takes the mallet 'n hits IDK till he's knocked even more senseless- 'k now that he's out how am I going to get away...HELP!!

-goes up to IDK- You know I'm gonna haunt u forever 'n ever right....

CeeKari- Hey IDK, need some help?

IDontKnow- CeeKari good to hear from you my friend, and I am afraid there is no help for me! -Rubs Neosporin on the mallet marks-

WOW SakuraSango packs a wallop! This hairy situation is one in which I got myself! But hey, it makes good filler until the new episodes start AFTER my birthday LOL. Would YOU like to be a volunteer for my hair potion CeeKari? My follicles will frolic just as much no matter whose entrails I must boil!

Faewillow- IDK hey, at least the absence of hair won't turn gray ^_^

IDontKnow- One problem Faewillow my head is a precise map of the area in and around Chernobyl, one day I got so smart that raw unfiltered intelligence started pouring into the atmosphere.

Millions of my original frolicking follicles will frolic no more, because where the intelligence meltdown occurred, is the primary bald spot. Other spots appeared soon after as the pattern of fallout was established.

My only hope is Hiten's hair potion, which I was given to understand, is the only thing powerful enough to overcome the corrosive nature of my thought processes.

SO I DESPERATELY NEED A VOLUNTEER

SakuraSango- -giggles- Well that's a new way of sayin that u wanna boil someone 'n use them in hopes of gettin hair which u r seriously lackin...

IDontKnow-SakuraSango I am seriously lacking in other things besides hair too, but here's no formula to fix those. LOL Hair which I am seriously lacking. LOL I WISH hair was all I was lacking!

Ultimate Creature2- Don't wear wigs....they scare me....

SakuraSango- 'k time to stop the confusion. Who here is a 'maiden'...

-crickets chirp-

Ummm...'k so who here wants to be placed into a boiling hot pot 'n boiled down into nothing...then used as a hair growing potion...like Hiten was gonna to do to Kagome...

CeeKari- I'll donate a few entrails. I'm curious to know exactly what a follicle looks like when it's frolicking ^_^

KitsuneYoukai-T_T..................................T_T