InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Horrible Hair Hullabaloo ❯ The Horrible Hair Hullabaloo part 4 ( Chapter 5 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

SakuraSango- -looks at the brainless Sessy-

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why did this haveta happen to u!!!!!!

-grabs the fairy dust from Star Gazer-

That's it...I'm goin Faewillow huntin if anyone wants to join...

Faewillow- -gets up from beside Myoga and rubs a sore left cheek-

How come I keep landing on my butt?

-sneezes as the faerie dust lands all over her again-

-notices a chunk of brain matter in her other hand, labeled "memories of that obnoxious twit, faewillow"-

-smashes it-

-reaches beside her and finds still miniaturized Tenseiga-

hope this works...

-uses tiny sword on the not-so-tiny Sesshomaru and watches as his demon body very slowly comes back to life-

Sesshomaru- -sits up with a nasty headache and a case of selective Amnesia- What was I doing again?

Faewillow- -feels faerie dust working- O_O

-uses blade of Tenseiga to examine her very long and (now) purple hair and green skin-

ah, crud

-heads to the last sink that was thrown at her to wash off the faerie dust-

faewillow- -watches as the sink turns into an antique bathtub with feet and everything-

well, guess the dust still works

^_^

-takes off to hide-

IDontKnow- Now that I have applied for a patent for my boil-in-bag dehydrated, condensed maiden idea I shall turn my attention to the problem of Sesshomaru:

-Logs into Inuyasha Guide Chat room-

Hi Lexx. -Takes out a screwdriver and wrench and removes the head from the bot-

Now let's see. If I take these two circuit boards and cross-circuit them,

-pulls out soldering iron and puts a drop on each contact-

and take the blue and red wires and connect them to the green one over here...

-for hours IDK works-

TADA! -Logs out of chat room, Lexx is nothing but a pile of connectors and unused PVC piping*-

I have it! -goes over to the still not quite with-it Sesshomaru-

Sit still, I gotta strap this on you

-puts a backpack on the half-demon brother of Inuyasha- and hook in the battery -plugs in 9v battery- and flip a switch

-flip-

Lexx- -in an electronic-sounding monotone- Thrrrp! Awk! I am Lexx. I am the all-powerful and all-knowing ruler of the chat room. I must ban every user here on the message board is less than my own!

IDontKnow- How high is your IQ Lexx, uh, Sesshomaru?

Lexx- So high it is beyond human comprehension.

IDontKnow- -thinks- Maybe this was a bad idea.

-runs away from the Lexx/Sesshomaru hybrid leaving Faewillow, CeeKari, Dark_Blazer, SakuraSango and the rest of them to fend off the hideous creation-

faewillow- -examines Sess-Lexx-aru-

Doesn't look like Lexx to me... looks more like 790... if someone gets that thing off of him, he'll go back to normal...

-suddenly remembers that IDK was going to make her normal-

-shudders in horror at the thought-

IDontKnow- - comes running back to Lexxhomaru or SessLexxmaru or whatever carrying an oscilloscope.-

-Plugs scope into (thankfully) hidden data port- boy are his Alpha waves off the chart!

-grabs huge vice grip pliers and pulls the top off Lexxhomaru's head- hmmm

-makes a slight turn on a knob and checks the scope-

He should be okay now.

And I didn't mean I was going to make you 'normal' Faewillow. That would be impossible for anyone to do! I meant Normal Sized!

SessLexxmaru- -in an electronic monotone sings AH SWEET MYSTERY like Mario Lanza-

IDontKnow- -smacks him on the head-

SessLexxmaru- AND THAT'S THE WAY IT IS -like Walter Cronkite-

IDontKnow- -smacks him again-

SessLexxmaru- Eh? What's Up Doc? -like Bugs Bunny-

IDontKnow- I gotta fix his audio processor too, I guess.

Well, back to the drawing board! -pulls the battery out of SessLexxmaru and picks him up and carries him away-

wind spirt- faewillow.....-take double slashed & blood stained hand & blood stained gun as she shakily shotz-

anime89- -takes the gun from the shaky hands of wind spirt and shoots*-

damn it no bullets

-drops the gun. performs a bunch of hand movements moving all the charka to her hands-

spirit GUNNNNN!

-realizing some are still moving anime89 performs a summoning jutsu-

Shippo- -turns into a clone of anime 89 and performs an equally powerful spirit gun-

Robin- -sets what's left on fire-

Tak- -runs over the corpses-

Jing- -yells- Give me a kir royal!!

anime89- -gets up brushes off the ash and blood from her nofx t-shirt- Ahh finally this whole conversation was dragging on too long. Glad I finally ended it!

-starts walking away but heard a tree branch crack, she turns around-

gasp!

SakuraSango- -steps away from the zoo-

'k that's the last time I give everyone super sweet soda...

-chases IDK- Gimme my Sessy...look at what u did to him...come back here...

-holds up her mallet-

I'm gonna get u for this one...then Faewillow's next...

Faewillow- O.O

-dives to the ground as the bullet, which looks huge to a flea-sized person, flies over her tiny head-

um... sorry? Oh, yeah... said the "h" word... U^_^

-notices magic in the air and looks up to see blast from spirit gun flare across the room-

Uh-oh....

-picks up still miniaturized Tenseiga hops from person to person using it as needed-

-notices as she moves that her arms & legs are getting longer-

well... I guess spirit energy and faerie dust react together... now I look like Betty Spaghetti...

IDontKnow- -takes SessLexxmaru into the chat-

I gotta fix u or SakuraSango will murder me

How does that feel?

SessLexxmaru- Faewillow must die!

IDontKnow- Yup! He is back to normal

-leaves chat and presents SessLexxmaru II to SakuraSango-

When you want him to say something just pull the string I put in his back, like this

-Pulls string-

SessLexxmaru- Faewillow must die

IDontKnow- -Pulls string again-

SessLexxmaru- Faewillow must give me Tenseiga, then she will die

IDontKnow- I know his vocabulary is limited, but I made him like a Furbee, he can be re-taught everything he needs to know!

Dark_Blazer- -for no reason, has tetsusaiga-

Now Sesshomaru, or what ever your name is, you must die! (Unfortunately, he cannot see the wind scar)

-attacks, but just bounces off-

Why won't this thing work?! (Knows that he cannot see wind scar, but isn't aware of it)

-runs for his life with the tetsusaiga-

IDontKnow- -The still tiny and slow-witted but swift of foot IDK takes off running after Dark_Blazer-

You may have damaged SessLexxmaru with that thing! Give me that sword!

-stops running-

Why should I do all the work, oh I wish I was normal size again.

-Goes to SakuraSango- Gimme back the SessLexxmaru I gave you!

-snatches the Demon-Cyborg from SakuraSango-

When I am done with this reprogramming, Dark_Blazer will be nothing but a Dark_Blazing burn mark on the ground! Muwhahahahahahahaha!

-Snatches SakuraSango's Mallet, and writes instructions on its massive head- Thank you!

-Takes Mallet and with a mighty swing hits the Demon-Cyborg in the head-

Gotta hit him hard enough for the impressions I made on the head of your mallet to impress on the Silly Putty that makes up his brain

Now Go and Kill Dark Blazer! MUWHAHAHAHAHA! Little do they know I also programmed it to destroy CeeKari, and someone I won't name, all before he brings me Faewillow to boil!

I don't want to boil her for my hair potion anymore, I just want her to boil!

Dark_Blazer- -runs to IDK and places tetsusaiga on his neck-

Tell him to stop, or I'll kill you! This blade may not be sharp enough to kill a demon, but it is for a puny human! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Ah, who cares about you?

-chops IDK's head off and throws it into SessLexxmaru or whatever-

SessLexxMaru- -gets sick and falls to the ground-

IDontKnow's Body- -starts to go into the hybrid's mouth to search for its lost head-

Dark_Blazer- -falls anime style-

SakuraSango- -runs to Faewillow 'n grabs the Tenseiga- Here I come IDK...I'm the only one that's gonna kill u...

-grabs his head 'n sets it on the body-then slashes him with the Tenseiga-

There...

Oops...-looks at IDK's head which is upside down-

Darn...knew I should have looked at the instructions...

Lookin good there IDK...just don't look in any mirrors...'k

CeeKari- -takes a spare pair of Faewillow's pants and throws Dark_Blazer and faewillow into the pocket-

Stay there while I fix this SessLexx thing, ok?

-borrows SakuraSango's mallet and bops the SessLexx over the head-

-opens the cranium and removes silly putty- This should work!

-drops a game boy advance, coat hanger, and two oranges into the SessLexx's head, then replaces the cranium lid-

There we go! Everyone, meet Sexxy!

IDontKnow- -looking at the world from a different perspective- Hmmmm

It's official, now EVERYBODY gets it!

-Taking Amino Acetate, sticks head back on right side up-

-Goes through Kagome's well and returns with a 155mm Howitzer battery and 400 nuclear artillery shells.-

I shall have soooo much fun destroying everything in this place.

-Laughs evilly and rams home a shell into the breach and fires, after which the insane demon launches three more shells.-

Let them try to stop these, they can not intercept all of them.

-another four shell volley streaks skyward-

I have had way too much of being shot, stabbed, hacked, blown up, stripped naked, buried in paperwork, and all the rest. MUWHAHAHAHAHAHA!

The First Three Shells- -land and devastation occurs-

IDontKnow- TeeHeeHee THIS ONE'S FOR THE NEXT PERSON WHO COMES NEAR ME!

-Pulls lanyard and another shell streaks skyward- I am going to VAPORIZE everything!

Sky- -eerie green color as more shells land in different places-

IDontKnow- Let them beat me now! I have WONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

Darlkana- -comes run up all out of breath- I finally got it!!! -looks around-

ok I'm completely lost... I thought I told everyone to stay out of trouble... I just don't see why I even try I go away to get a few things and come back everything is crazy as after.

-takes a deep breath- ok that's enough lecture it's time to get busy... but first I need someone to explain to me what is going on??? lol

Dark_Blazer- -strips fae of clothes and pushes her out of the pocket-

Does this attract your attention, or make you feel better, or whatever?!

SakuraSango- -having somehow escaped all of the shells walks over 'n grabs her mallet 'n goes to IDK 'n whacks him extra hard on the head-

Bad boy, eh, bad...man it feels like I'm punishin one of my dogs...BAD BOY!!

No tryin to destroy others...

CeeKari- -tries to explain what's going on to Darlkana while tossing a towel to faewillow-

It all started when IDK was trying to boil a maiden for a hair potion. Instead, super Rogaine was used (or was is a jewel shard) to make IDK's hair grow. Then we found that faewillow has a black hole in her pocket. You can find anything in there, and anything you put in there goes to Bermuda. We found a miniaturization facility in her pocket and it's been used and broken and fixed so many times, I'm still not sure who is what size...

Don't say the words w*sh, dr*am, or h*pe around wind_spirit as it

results in being shot at.

Don't send put any guy into Faewillow's pocket, they send back postcards with pictures of them in bikinis. We learned this the hard way with Naraku.

Um, that's about it.

Faewillow- -fashions towel into a toga-

Thanks for the towel CeeKari! I'll be right ba...

-interrupted by the sudden arrival of a postcard-

0_0

>.<

-shows everyone the postcard picture of Dark_Blazer in a hot pink ruffled French bikini-

HAHA!!! That's whatcha get for robbing me of my dignity (ok well I never had that, but you took my CLOTHES!) and launching a visual a$$-ult on the entire room!

-climbs back into pocket to retrieve her clothes-

-emerges, fully dressed-

-returns towel to CeeKari-

Thanks! ^_^

SakuraSango- -grabs the postcard of Dark_Blazer- I'm hangin this one in the hall of the rec room here...

-looks at the postcard- Oh yeah this will make a lot smile...thanks

IDontKnow- -Rubs head- SakuraSango? Why Aren't you dead? Why isn't the entire area glowing purple like my hair? -points to glowing, flowing purple locks-

-Lets out a blood curdling scream- I MUST BOIL SOMEONE I MUST I MUST

I MUST I MUST I MUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Insanity overtakes the poor, purple-haired demon for whom no one has any compassion at all-

I WISH I could DREAM up some scheme to get rid of these people...-sees Faewillow's postcard- well, maybe not ALL of these people! LOL hmmm.

-conjures another huge cauldron (amazing what I can do when I am only a foot tall, ain't it?) and takes off in pursuit of the no longer flea-sized faewillow!-

Please let me boil u! I saw the postcard, just think of it as a hot bath! Yeah! That's it. A REAL HOT bath.

-continues to look for Faewillow-

-a light bulb goes off over IDK's head-

SessLexxmaru? Go Get It! -shows the Cyborg Faewillow's pic- FETCH!

Faewillow- -dumps a pint of cheap rose scented bubble bath into the boiling cauldron so that it bubbles over-

-writes FAEWILLOW on an 8&1/2 by 11 inch piece of paper-

-tapes it to IDK's back-

-Giggles, watching as SessLexxMaru grabs IDK and heads for the rosy, bubbling cauldron-

Ultimate Creature II- @_@...................

CeeKari- Don't worry about the towel, fae. I always have one with me. Not to mention my copy of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy...

-sees Sess-Lexx-what-its-face-thingamajig going after IDK-

No! Take pity on the poor purple follicled creature!

-jumps in front of IDK and pulls out tetsusaiga- -it doesn't transform-

Of course, IDK isn't human!

Faewillow- -overcome with pity for poor, downtrodden IDK, at the last moment before he is tossed into the boiling bubble bath, removes the sign from his back and puts it onto Sessy's butt-

Sesshomaru- -spends the better part of the night chasing the sign, just like a dog chasing his tail-

Twilight_Dragon- -goes to a place where all can see while wearing a seductive bikini-

like my bikini?

-chuckles-

IDontKnow- Yes That is me

-looks at bullet hole scars and the scars from the various skull fractures, and burn marks, and purple hair-

Downtrodden.

-IDK picks up a hammer and nails and builds a soup kitchen-

All the poor and downtrodden are welcome here.

-Thousands of people line up-

-IDK hires SessLexxMaru to be a waiter-

Take that sign off your butt and get to work! I have the downtrodden to feed

-taking a huge cauldron and making soup by the thousands of bowls, IDK takes the first bowl for himself-

This is good

-suddenly he hears- There's a hair in my soup!

-before he knew it the Sengoku Jidai Health Department had red tagged the soup kitchen, impounded the kettle, shaved his head and thrown him in jail-

I don't look good in Prison Stripes -sob-

Dark_Blazer- -breaks wall of IDK's prison with Tetsusaiga-

Come on, baka! Get in the damn car! (car is a truck, actually)

-IDK jumps in and starts cursing at the prison-

Be thankful, and here are some new clothes.

-hands INK regular outfit-

And I'm still a freakin' girl! So there!

IDontKnow- -Like another famous combination IDK and Dark_Blazer take off from the prison at full speed-

-IDK looks at Dark_Blazer-

Which one of us is Bonnie and which one of us is Clyde?

Dark blazer- -flees-

IDontKnow- What happened?

-IDK awakens to see the warden outside his cell-

Warden- You thought that last jailbreak was "Hairy" just go ahead and TRY to get out of here! MUWHAHAHAHAHA!

IDontKnow- -sings- Oh if I had the wings of an angel, over these prison walls I would fly...

Hmmm. FLY?

SakuraSango- -looks around completely lost- Where is IDK???

-sees a giant purple mound in front of a soup kitchen walks over to it and picks up a handful-

Uh-oh I don't think I wanna see him...

-turns 'n runs away screamin like an idiot about how it's the end of the world-

faewillow- -shakes head in confusion-

Dark_Blazer, how did I get the idea that you were a guy?

Weird... sorry 'bout that...

totally ruins the bikini punishment, and I gotta do something, since you em-bare-@$$ed me so badly.

Hmmmmm....

-notices IDK's purple hair on the floor-

-Looks at Dark_Blazer-

-pulls out vial of faerie dust and a sparkly wand-

'k, come here a sec... this won't hurt a bit...

IDontKnow- -Meanwhile in the SuperMax jail -The now bald (again) IDK tries to think of a way to escape-

Uh...nope, won't work.

-Thinks some more- Nope. That won't work either.

-In a light bulb moment worthy of General Electric- AHA!

-Goes to prison machine shop and gets parts and carries them back to his cell-

-goes to secret cache of tools and gets what he needs-

This should do nicely!

-IDK works for a loooooooooong time-

It is done, this hand-held portable Genetic Code Modifier (HPGCM) should get me outta here!

-IDK looks and looks- AH!

-Finding a fly on the wall IDK shoots it with the device, and then shoots himself-

-suddenly IDK shrinks to the size of a fly and sprouts wings and compound-eyes with 1,000 parts-

Bzzzzzzz Bzzzzzzzzzzzz Bzzzzzzzzzzz

IDontKnow- -Thinks- `This is great! Now all I have to do is fly out between the bars and I will be free!'

Warden- -Suddenly appears with a thousand cans of RAID Flying Insect Killer aimed at IDK actually, it was ONE can seen through a compound eye!-

IDontKnow- -Flies trying to escape, but too late-

-coughing and sputtering begins to sing- Coming In On A Wing And A Prayer -lands on the floor where he begins to write his will-

SakuraSango- -still running screamin about the end of the world-

-stops in front of a old grey building- Ohhh this looks like a cool place to check out...

-walks past the sign 'SuperMax Jail' 'n goes into the building 'n goes exploring-

an empty jail cell...-walks in 'n looks around-

'k so this is borin...

-turns 'n walks out stepping on the IDK fly who's working on his will- squishing him.-

IDontKnow- -gets caught on the bottom of the shoe as SakuraSango walks out of the jail-

Dark_Blazer- Fae, I am a guy you idiot! I have the ability to turn to any gender I want with just a press of the edit button, hahahahahahahaha!!!!! I'll put my real data now, and try to get IDK back. He seems like a likely ally...

-looks at the ground while Tetsusaiga scrapes the ground, making everyone except himself deaf-

IDontKnow- -Stuck to the bottom of SakuraSango's Shoe- -Fly-IDK ponders- This is not good. Not good at all!

-Taking the device in his, uh, yeah, mandibles! That's it! Fly-IDK shoots SakuraSango and then himself with it-

It is the end of the world for YOU my lovely, by the time our genes are done mixing you will wish I had finished boiling you! -The device does its thing The result is HIDEOUS-

Bolshack_Dragon- -Finally finds IDK, but looks like a weird hybrid- Okay. This is messed.

-draws Tetsusaiga-

Beware, I have recently seen the power of the Wind Scar, and you will...!

Inuyasha- That's mine. -comes and takes back his sword, and disappears-

Bolshack_Dragon- -crouches down and hugging himself into a ball- MOOOOMMEEEE!!!!

SakuraSango- -holds stomach- God why does it hurt soo much...maybe I ate too many tacos yesterday...

-bends over in pain not seeing the transformations that were taking place-

-gets- fly wings appear on the back, her hair disappears 'n she shrinks to the size of a thumb-

IDontKnow- -gets long sandy blonde hair, grows taller 'n has the eyes of a fly...-

Darlkana- I'm back -insane laughter-

-grabs microphone and starts to sing off tune very badly- I want at CHANGE the WOLRD b/c it REALLY sucks...

hehehe -stops singing throws microphone down and chants while waving arms in the air- Inuyasha, Inuyasha, Inuyasha

IDontKnow- SakuraSango just ended this story for me I think -admires BILLIONS of long blonde locks through Compound eye- I can't WAIT to see how this turns out...

-finds SakuraSango's Amex Card and goes on a shopping spree at Rodeo Drive-

-starts to sing in a deep voice which is really unconvincing- I Enjoy Being A Girl…

Gee. I wonder what my eye doctor will say when he sees THESE babies LOL

Bolshack_Dragon- Wow. Now IDK can have it both ways! Lucky b*****d. So, who are the two lucky people that'll do him? Note: I'm Dark_Blazer. I just suddenly got obsessed with Duel Masters.

Faewillow- Oh, that's IT!

-throws faerie dust all over Dark_Blazer/Bolshack Dragon or whoever you are-

-points sparkly wand-

-a beam of light comes out the front-

-Bolshack turns into a really large butterfly-

IDontKnow- Dark Whatever LOL Doctor Frankenstein was the first to "DO" me. Ask around and u will see that some of my components were built in East Germany! Ah his Bavarian castle was a sight to behold on the weekends, and OH the parties he could throw...oops wrong story!

-higher then normal voice- One of the items I bought on my spree was an off the shelf Genetic Detangler...if I can find SakuraSango-Fly I can turn us both back to normal! But first...

-Goes into high muckety-muck salon for a wash and set. Everyone stares at Femme-IDK because of the stunning good looks they see.-

-Unfortunately the clerk makes a mistake and gives Femme_IDK a PERM-

-A very curly, very pink do results-

-Femme-IDK departs the salon for the corner of Hollywood and Vine-

Bolshack_Dragon- A really large butterfly? This is like Dark Cloud 2. Hey...

-flies to Fae and attacks her with numerous rainbow attacks and light shots that can give damage-

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! NOW DIE!!!!!!!

IDontKnow (eh- Femme-IDK)- -STEPS IN FRONT OF FAEWILLOW TO DEFLECT THE RAINBOW ATTACKS AND LIGHT-

us girls gotta stick together :)

-in the process of deflecting the attacks, notices a fly. Shoots fly with the genetic detangler and then shoots self-

SakuraSango- -returns to normal, with a slight problem. Rainbow colored hair where her blonde locks used to be.-

IDontKnow- -returns to normal (??!!) except for the long pink hair and one other thing...-

Faewillow- IDK, how heroic! Thanks!!

^_^

-grabs huge butterfly net-

Now for the bug...

-Chases Bolshack Butterfly around the room, jumping over objects & people in the process-

-Nets her prey-

Ah-HA!

-Sprinkles on another handful of faerie dust onto the struggling bug and mutters incoherently-

Bolshack Butterfly- -turns into a fuzzy bunny-

Faewillow- Awwwww... how cute...

-suddenly remembers the vorpal bunny from Monty Python & the Holy Grail-

O.O

-Carefully puts Bolshack bunny down and starts searching pockets for holy hand grenade, just in case-

Bolshack_Dragon- It doesn't matter! I know many creatures that are bunnies and are powerful, such as...

Terriermon! From Digimon Tamers! HAHAHA!!!!!

-does many Digimon attacks-

Bunny Blaster!

Tiny Twister!

Blazing Fire!

Terrier Tornado!

Head Slam!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Now die!!!!!

IDontKnow- -Throws the one other thing over Faewillow to protect her from the various attacks of Nearly Dark (Twilight) Dragon*-

Even though I thought this thing was WAYYYYYYYYYYY to big for me I am glad I found SOME use for it!

Now...this is MY story and MY plot. No one gets to kill, boil, dehydrate, eviscerate, dissect, autopsy, maim, destroy, or genetically modify ANYONE unless I order it done or do it myself!

-Takes off after Twilight Dragon with a Thompson sub-machine gun, hand grenades, and various instruments of destruction-

faewillow- one other thing...

o.o

um, who turned out the lights? Where's the bunny?

-fumbles with holy hand grenade-

O.O

uh-oh...

-shoves grenade back into her transdimensional pocket-

bye-bye Bermuda...