InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Little Kagura ❯ The Little Kagura ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

I don't own Inuyasha, or the Little Mermaid—no matter how much I'd like to, considering that I'd be rather well-off financially with either…

Note: Everything about this is WAY over-exaggerated on purpose—but that's theatre!

Casting is:

Princess Ariel: Kagura

Prince Eric: Lord Sesshoumaru

Grimsby: Jaken

Ursula: Kikyou

Louis: Miroku

Carlotta: Sango

Flotsam: Soul Collector 1

Jetsam: Soul Collecter 2

Sebastian: Myoga

King Triton: Naraku

Scuttle: Kagome

Flounder: Shippou

Erik's Dog: Inuyasha

Ariel's Sisters: Kanna (Many Kannas)

Me: Kagura! I cast Older Rin as Ariel!

Kagura: She… Er, fell ill. Unexpectedly.

Me: Well, that's weird. Okay, then. Any complaints?

All (Except Kagura): Yes!

Kagome: Why do I have to be Scuttle? Why can't I be Ariel!

Me: Then you'd have to kiss Sesshoumaru.

Kagura: (squee)

Inuyasha: And why do I gotta be that bastard's dog!?

Me: The ears. Now, everyone! In costume! Now!

******---------

Scene 1

Kagura and Shippou gazed at the sunken ship—Kagura with excitement and Shippou with fear.

Kagura: Do I really have to do this?

Me: Don't argue. Now go into the ship.

Kagura: (sighs) Let's go.

Shippou: Uh, I'll just… Uh, stay out here!

Kagura: And watch out for the sharks.

Shippou: (nodding) Yep, watch out for sha—Sharks!

Shippou darts after Kagura. She's already putting things in her bag.

Kagura: (picking up a fork) (sarcastically) I wonder what this is. You do realize we live in Japan, right?

Me: Quit complaining. Just think of the ending, where you get to kiss Sesshoumaru.

Kagura: (gleefully) I wonder what this could be? I bet Scuttle will know!

Shippou: (screams)

Kagura: (looking up): A shark! Dance of—

Me: No, you swim like hell!

Kagura: (sighs) Fine. Hurry up, Flounder!

The two of them swim around like mad and eventually escape. Kagura immediately swims off to see Kagome, who is playing with an eyeglass, and not pouting because she isn't Ariel (hint, hint).

Kagura: (smirks) Hello, Scuttle.

Kagome: Hi. What do you have for me?

Scuttle is apparently lacking in enthusiasm today!

Kagura: (dumps out bag) What are all these?

Kagome lifts the fork. Her tone of voice is as lively as a dead frog.

Kagome: It's for your hair. Humans use it to make hair-dos. (rolls eyes) See?

Kagome unenthusiastically sticks it in her hair, twists it a little and pulls it.

Kagome: Ta-da.

Shippou: Could you try to act better?

Kagome: (sobbing) I wanted to be Ariel!

Kagura: (rolls eyes) Anyway… What's this? (Holds up a tobacco pipe.)

Kagome: (takes pipe) Wow. This is “wonderful.” I haven't seen one of these babies in years. Blah, blah, blah. It's a Snarflat.

Kagura: A what?

Kagome: A Snarflat. Humans use it to make fine music. Allow me to demonstrate—

Kagura: Oops…

Shippou: The concert!

Kagura: (flinches) Naraku is gonna kill me.

Me: Noooo! He's your dad for the sake of the script. Well, he's sort of your father anyway, so…

Kagura: (sighs) Father is going to kill me. (Takes Snarflat and fork) See ya later, Scuttle.

Kagome: Whatever.

Shippou: Bye! (Swims after Kagura)

Scene2

Naraku is angry, and also half naked (yay!). Kagura is supposed to be acting rebellious. Instead, she looks bored and annoyed. Shippou, however,is acting appropriately, and cowering.

Naraku: (reading from the script, as he hasn't memorized his lines) Anger. Ariel, why weren't you at the—

Kagura: You're not supposed to read what's in italics or parenthesis.

Naraku: Oh. Whatever… Ariel, why weren't you at the concert?

Myoga: Such enthusiasm.

Kagura: Well, I got… busy. I just… forgot.

Naraku: You… forgot. How the fuck could you—

Me: Triton doesn't cuss!

Naraku: It doesn't sound angry otherwise… Oh, fine. How could you forget about this?

Shippou: It wasn't her fault! We were at the shipwreck, and then this shark came along and raaaaah! And then the seagull came and this is this and that is that—

A pause as Naraku stopped paying attention, thus forgetting when he was supposed to interrupt Shippou. Myoga coughs. Kagura sighs. Shippou stutters.

Naraku: Oh. Seagull?

Kagura scowls at Shippou, who hides behind her.

Naraku: You were on the surface again, weren't you? I forbid you from doing that. It's dangerous—

Kagura: Nothing… happened.

Naraku frowns as he reads the script, half aloud.

Naraku: I refuse to say this line. I don't really care if Kagura gets harpooned and eaten.

Kagura scowls.

Me: Do it, or I'll cast you as the evil stepmother next time in Cinderella.

Naraku pictures himself in hideous European clothing, his hair pinned up in a ridiculous fashion.

Naraku: (with slightly more enthusiasm) I won't see my youngest daughter caught on some harpooning fish-eater's line! You could've been seen by one of those barbarians—by one of those humans.

Shippou: But aren't you a hanyou?

Naraku: Shut up. I'm just reading the script.

Me: On taaaaask! (crying) I need better actors…

Kagura: Er… Daddy, they're not barbarians.

Naraku: (flinches slightly) You are not to go to the surface again, is that clear!?

Kagura makes a bad impression of being near tears and swims away, Shippou close behind her.

Naraku: Do you think I was too nice to her?

Myoga: Definitely. If Ariel was my daughter, I'd show her who was boss.

Naraku rolls his eyes.

Myoga: None of this… flitting to the surface and other such nonsense. I would keep her under tight control.

Naraku: You're right.

Myoga: Of course.

Naraku: She needs constant supervision. *mutters* Isn't this why I have the Saimyosho?

Myoga: Of course.

Naraku: And you're just the flea to do it.

Myoga: Of—What?

Naraku: From now on, it's your job to look after Ariel. Go now.

Myoga: Why me? Why always me?

Myoga hops/swims after Kagura and Shippou. He follows them to a secret underwater cavern, and slips inside, “unnoticed”by the other two. Kagura putsher newly found items in various different places.

Kagura: Thank gods, I don't see things the way he does. I don't understand why a world that makes such beautiful things could be bad.

Kagura Thinking: Soon! Soon! I'll get to see Sesshoumaru! I'll get to drag a wet, half-drowned, barely conscious Sesshoumaru to shore! And I'll be the first thing he sees upon waking! YES!

Kagura doesn't realize that she's smiling and looking far too gleeful for such a sad scene. Shippou coughs politely, waving the script in front of her face.

Kagura: Oh. I have to sing that song now, huh?

Me: If you want to have your sick fantasies about Sesshoumara-sama come to life, yes.

Kagura sings the song as quickly as she can.

Myoga: (falls over with a scream of fright)

Kagura swims back down. Shippou looks horrified.

Myoga: If your father knew about this—

Shippou: You're not gonna tell him, are you?

Kagura: Hey, don't tell “Father”—or else! (Looks at unhappyfanficauthor) I mean—Please don't tell “Daddy”! He would never understand.

Interrupted by fireworks. Kagura's eyes widen gleefully.

Kagura: What do you suppose…?

Kagura swims upwards. The others follow her. Kagome is flying around overhead, watching the show.

Myoga: Let's get out of here now!

Kagura: (ignoring Myoga) I want a closer look! Kagura swims off, skipping several lines of script. The others decide to ignore this error and follow her. Kagura has pulled herself up to a place where she can watch and not be noticed, drooling over Sesshoumaru.

Sesshoumaru: I hate this outfit.

Inuyasha: You're better off than me.

Sesshoumaru: (smirks) True.

Sesshoumaru is in a sailor outfit, for some reason having two arms. (Not a school uniform, either!) Inuyasha, however, is wearing a collar and a puppy suit, sitting in a corner in a dejected manner.

Me: You're on!

Those on deck are just sort of hanging out. Inuyasha is pouting.

Kagura: Oh, he's so hot…

Kagome lands beside her, frowning.

Kagome: He looks kinda hairy and slobbery to me.

Inuyasha: Hey, you bitch!

Kagome: Sit!

Thump.

Kagura: Not that one! Hearts in her eyes, pointing at Sesshoumaru. That one.

Jaken scuttles to the fore.

Jaken: I have an announcement! Sessh—Prince Eric! I have a gift for you!

Sesshoumaru raises an eyebrow. Jaken gives a command for the sailors to pull a canvas off of something. It's a bronze statue of Sesshoumaru.

Kagura: I want it.

Jaken: Happy birthday, Eric. But, I was hoping it would be a wedding present.

Sesshoumaru: Princess Sara was a rather repulsive hanyou.

Me: (in tears) Why can't any of you get it right!?

Sesshoumaru: Fine. Princess Sara wasn't the one for me. I want to find a girl I love.

Kagura: (squee)

Jaken: But, not just me—your most loyal servant… But the entire kingdom wants to see you happily settled down.

Storm picks up. Throws the boat about. Kagura and the others get back in the water.Kagome is whisked away in the wind, screaming. All the sailors get in the rowboat. Jaken isdancing to and fro screaming, as Sesshoumaru still isn't in the boat. However, he's slowly walking toward it, leaving Inuyasha.

Me: Go get your pet dog!

Inuyasha: I'm not a pet! And I'm definitely not his pet!

Me: In certain fanfiction, you are. For my purpose, though, you're literally a pet. Now stop talking and bark!

Inuyasha: Woof.

Me: Sesshoumaru! Go rescue your puppy!

Sesshoumaru: No.

Me: Fine. Then I'm casting you as Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty, and Inuyasha will kill you!

Sesshoumaru turns around and goes back for Inuyasha. He pickshimup and slings him over his shoulder. Inuyasha complains the entire way. The ship is collapsing, and the gun powder is about to explode. Sesshoumara tosses Inuyasha into the boat just as the ship explodes. Kagura looks like she might rejoice.She swims after him and grabs him. He scowls at her.

Me: Sesshoumaru, you're unconscious.

Sesshoumaru: Hmph.

Sesshoumaru feigns unconsciousness as Kagura pulls him to shore. He actually is unconscious by the time they get there. Kagura drags him up on the beach, practically drooling over his limp, beautifully sculpted, sopping wet form.

Me: Kagura… This movie is G-rated… Thank gods you have fins right now…

Kagura looks down at the fins and cries, clinging to the unconscious Sesshoumaru and sobbing softly.(You would be too.) At any rate, Sesshoumaru slowly began to wake. Kagura made sure that she was right in front of him, singing the reprise, with the sun framing her form.

Inuyasha walks unhappily onto the site, followed by Jaken.

Jaken: Eric! You had us all scared to death!

Kagura leaps back into the water and swims a little distance away, peeking out at them. Inuyasha glares at her, then at everyone else angrily. Jaken babbles about his worry for Sesshoumaru, then ends up face-down in the dirt and Sesshoumaru steps on him on his way out. He is supposed to glance over his shoulder, trying to find Kagura, but doesn't.

Sesshoumaru: That woman…

Jaken: What woman?

Sesshoumaru: She rescued me.

Jaken: I think you've swallowed a bit too much seawater. Let's get you home. (Looks at Inuyasha wickedly.) Come on, doggy!

Inuyasha: (growls) Woof.

Sesshoumaru: (smirks)

Kagura stares at Sesshoumaru's ass in an X-rated manner—if only his hair didn't disrupt her view. Shippou waves a hand in front of her face, unnoticed.

Myoga: Well, um… The Sea King can never know. (Looks at Shippou.) You won't tell him; I won't tell him. I will stay in one piece!

Kagura: Oh, it's my line. Sings Reprise. Water crashes against her back. Unfortunately, she was imbalanced from her position when she had been gaping at Sesshoumaru's soaking wet sexiness and she toppled over the edge of the rock, falling face-first into the water. Shippou yelps and swims a bit farther away from her. She glares at him.

Shippou: Don't look at me! It was your own fault! Yikes!

Scene 3

Kikyou has been watching everything that has happened through the soul collector's eyes, who had been watching Kagura.

Kikyou: So, the little princess is in love. (Puts rouge on her lips.) With a human prince.

Sesshoumaru: WHAT!?

Me: Where did you come from? Anyway, for the sake of this, there are only sea creatures and humans. So that makes you a human for today. Think of it as making fun of them.

Sesshoumaru sulks back in the recesses.

Kikyou: (resuming) And King Triton and all the Merfolk get to have their silly little balls and musicals. In my day, we had fantastic feasts. Hmph. (Looks back at her.) Of course, I could use this to my advantage.

Scene 4

Kagura is swimming around happily, seeming to enjoy herself very thoroughly. There are six Kannas, for some reason. Naraku swims in. Kagura swims around him in a circle, halfway singing to herself.

Kagura: Morning, “Daddy.” Sticks a flower-like thing in his hair and swims away in slow spirals. Naraku rips out the flower and crushes it.

Kanna 1: She has it bad. No emotion at all in her voice, as usual.

Naraku: (feigning ignorance badly) Got what?

Kanna 2: Ariel is in love.

Naraku: I'll kill the object of her affection!

Me: No! Be happy for her. Remember, this means she goes away soon! Or would you prefer to be the Wicked Stepmother?

Naraku: (angry, but pretending to be happy) Ariel… in love?

Scene 4

Naraku is sitting on a throne. For some unexplained reason, the flower is no longer crushed, and he is glaring at it.

Naraku: I wonder who the unfortunate creature is.

Myoga comes hopping in, muttering to himself about all the horrors that will befall him when Naraku discovers who it is—and what.Has convinced himself that he already knows, and is terrified.

Myoga: Your, er… Majesty?

Naraku sort of twitches.

Naraku: It's about Ariel.

Myoga: (cringes) What… about Ariel?

Naraku: Have you noticed her strange behavior lately?

Myoga: Er, no. What strange behavior?

Naraku: The singing, the weirdness! That!

Myoga: Oh, that.

Naraku: Yes. So, she's in love or something, right?

Myoga: (squeaks) Oh, perhaps!

Naraku: So… You must know about it.

Myoga: I tried to stop her, sir! She wouldn't listen!

Naraku: Hm?

Myoga: I told her to stay away from humans!

Sesshoumaru: I'm not human!

Naraku: Quit sulking. I'm not a mermaid. Now shut the fuck up so we can get on with the damn script.

Sesshoumaruresumes sulking in the shadows.

Naraku: Anyway… (Naraku is somehow able to get furious at the drop of a hat.) What!?

Scene 5

Kagura and Shippou are swimming. Shippou has a surprise for her waiting in the cavern, but won't tell her what it is. Kagura gasps upon seeing it. It's the bronze statue of Sesshoumaru.

Kagura: How the hell did you get it in here? Oh, well! (squee) Swims over to it, circling it. Oh, he's so sexy! Hangs off of it affectionately. This doesn't appear to be merely acting any more.

The boulder beingused as a door is rolled violently to the side. Kagura's eyes widen. Naraku seems to be enjoying himself.Myoga is, as usual, terrified. Shippou cowers in a corner.

Naraku: “Ariel.”

Kagura: It's—it's just that… Don't—

Naraku: Ariel, I'm going to get through to you. (Holds up a trident that looks disturbingly similar to the one he gave Princess Abi.) And if this is the one way, so be it.

Kagura: No!

Naraku lets loose a bit of his “mermaid magic” and destroys everything, saving the statue for last. Kagura wails in despair. Naraku turns and leaves.Kagura sinks to the sea floor and pouts, then pretends to cry.

Soul Collector 1: Such a tragic fate.

Soul Collector 2: Indeed. But we know someone who can help you. (They swim around Kagura.)

Shippou: They can talk?

Myoga: Apparently so.

Kagura looks at them.

Kagura: Who?

Soul Collector 1: Ursula has great powers.

Kagura: The sea witch? But…

Soul Collector 2: She can help you.

Kagura: But…

The Soul Collectors drift away.

Soul Collector 2: It was only a suggestion. (Flicks a piece of the statue back. Happens to be Sesshoumaru's face. Kagura picks it up. She looks from it to them, then follows them. Myoga jumps on her shoulder.

Myoga: You mustn't trust the Sea Witch!

Kagura: Well, I don't care.

Myoga: She's evil!

Kagura flicks Myoga off of her shoulder.

Kagura: Why don't you go tell my “father”? You're good at that. Continues.

Myoga and Shippou follow her.

Scene 6

Kagura follows the Soul Collectors. They lead her into a weird cave-like structure. Mermaids turned Chibi are in cages along the walls and floor. Kikyou is sitting in front of a vanity, applying rouge.

Kikyou: What brings you here, Princess?

Kagura: I was told you could help me. Hey, can we just get on with this and turn me “human”?

Kikyou: Of course. Oh, and you have three days to make Prince Eric fall in love with you and kiss you. But I need your voice. Holds up contract.

Kagura: But, I need my voice!

Kikyou: They say body language is most of our communication, you know.

Kagura: Can't you take something else?

Kikyou: Would you rather be blind?

Kagura: No!

Kikyou: Then sign this and sing.

Kagura: Fine. Signs contract. Kagura sings. Kikyou plucks her voice from her throat and stores it in a seashell. She sort of chuckles as Kagura is turned human. Shippou helps her get to the surface, as she can no longer breathe underwater.He helps her to shore. Myoga just sort of tags along. Kagura stands up, almost completely naked, and, being a bit of an exhibitionist, doesn't really care. She looks around for something to wrap herself up in.

Kagome: Here. Throws the sail of a ship at her. Kagura catches it. Kagome glares at her, but helps her tie it around herself using rope. Inuyasha!

Inuyasha stomps over to them, glaring at Kagura. Kagome giggles. Shippou points and laughs at him. Rin made some adjustments to his outfit, and he now has a large ribboninstead of a collar.

Inuyasha: Woof.

Sesshoumaru: Inuyashaaaaa! Here, boy!

Inuyasha: You're enjoying this too much.

Sesshoumaru: (looks at Kagura) Who's this? Are you… (Takes her hands. Kagura nearly faints.) You're the woman, aren't you?

Kagura: Mouths “yes!” Holds her throat, a bit horrified.

Sesshoumaru: (Drops her hands.) Oh, then you couldn't be. Have you been shipwrecked?

Kagura nods.

Sesshoumaru: Come with me.

Kagura joyfully follows Sesshoumaru. Inuyasha stomps after them.

Scene 7

A few pointless scenes are skipped and Sesshoumaru takes Kagura out into the city the next day. Randomness happens and Shippou, Kagome, and Myoga observe them, reporting to each other with the obviouslack of activity in the kissing department, despite Kagura's efforts.Later on in the evening, Sesshoumaru takes her out on a boat in a lagoon. The others watch.

Sesshoumaru: What if I try to guess your name? Is it Kagura?

Me: Nooo! Bad dog!

Sesshoumaru: Fine. Mary? Susan? Martha? Lucy?

Kagura shook her head with distaste at every name mentioned. Myoga crept as close as was safe to Sesshoumaru's ear.

Myoga: (whispering) Ariel. Her name is Ariel!

Sesshoumaru: Ariel?

Kagura: (nods)

Kagome: I'll never get out of this seagull costume at this rate… We've gotta speed things up a little. Hey, can you two just make out and get on with it!

Myoga hits her with a small stick on the nose.

Myoga: Follow the script, Kagome! Now, time for another song.

Kagura Thinking: Great. I can't talk, and now I have to listen to a frickin' song.

Myoga lip-syncs a recording of “Kiss the Girl” while everyone else tries to reenact everything. The fireflies (from the Movie “Fire on the Mystic Island”) were the only ones doing agood job. Following the scrip,Sesshoumaru and Kagura lean in for a kiss. Also following the script, the boat tips over. Sesshoumaru flips out of it, landing primly on a treebranch. Kagura falls in the water. Kagura looks like she might cry.

Scene 8

Kikyou is watching from the Soul Collector's eyes.

Kikyou: Such a tramp. I almost lost the bet. (Touches shell necklace.) Time to take matters into my own hands.

Scene 9

Sesshoumaru is staring out at the sea. Kagura is standing at a window, staring at him, “unnoticed.” Jaken walks up to Sesshoumaru. He trips over his own webbed feet, then picks himself up.

Jaken: Milord—Er, Prince Eric?

Sesshoumaru: She's out there somewhere. I must find her.

Jaken: Er… You know, instead of chasing phantoms, there's a perfectly lovely girl, right up there, staring at you from that window.

Kagura darts inside the room just in time for Sesshoumaru to see her exit.

Sesshoumaru: Are you doubting my abilities?

Jaken: N-no—

Jaken was cut off as he was thrown off of the balcony. He hit the rocks below with a “splat”noise. Sesshoumaru glanced down at him, but something else catcheshis attention. A voice was singing, and it was “Kagura's.” He fell under the spell—

Sesshoumaru: It's a pathetic spell. This Sesshoumaru would not succumb to it.

Me: But Prince Eric would. Stop arguing or I'm casting you as Scar from Lion King and I'll let Inuyasha kill you.

Inuyasha: YES!

Sesshoumaru feigns being under a spell.

Scene 10

Kagome lands on the balcony.

Kagome: Ariel! The prince is getting married.

Kagura wakes up. Kagome repeats herself. Kagura joyfully runs out the door, down the hallway, but pauses. Around the corner, is Sesshoumaru, speaking with Jaken about the wedding being today. Yet, lo and behold, it was Kikyou hanging on his arm. Kagura's lower lip trembled.

Kagura Thinking: I'm not going to cry! I'm trembling with rage, damn it! I'm gonna kill her! Dance—

Me: Kagura. Think of yourself as being an evil stepsister for a moment.

Kagura considers, then runs away, pretending to cry once more. Kikyou smirks.

Scene 11

Kagura is sitting at the dock, watching the wedding ship depart. Shippou is swimming around. Myoga is sitting near her. Kagome flies down.

Kagome: Why are you sitting here? Your lover boy is on the ship with Kik--Ursula!

Kagura still couldn't talk, so she glared at her.

Kagome: You should go steal him away from her—because she doesn't deserve him—you do!

(Methinks Kagome is talking about herself.)Kagura stands up and reaches for a feather in her hair. To her horror, it's not there. She looks around, then comes up with a plan. She pushes a barrel in the water, then jumps into the ocean. Using the barrel, she floats. Shippou pulls her along by a rope attached to the barrel. Kagome and Myoga go off in search of help to stall the ceremony.

On the ship, the ceremony is beginning with the wedding march. Kikyou slowly walks up the aisle, in an elaboratebridal gown.Sesshoumaru continues feigning being under a spell. Inuyasha is sitting near the aisle. He half-heartedly growls at Kikyou, as according to the script. Kikyou kicks him lightly.

Inuyasha: Bitch.

Kikyou: (muttering) Beloved.

Thump!

Inuyasha: (whining) Why?

Kikyou continues with the wedding march and stands at her place opposite to Sesshoumaru. The priest, who is being played by Kaede, so it's more of priestess, drawled on with the ceremony.

In the kitchen, Miroku has gone mad, apparently (accordingtothe script) and is attacking anything that moves with a butcher knife, as he is seeking the flea-like crab that eluded him the other day at dinner(as he swore he saw it here as well). Sango comes in tobring the cake out, to find the entire place to be a disaster area.

Sango: Louis!

Miroku: (Freezes) Yes?

Sango: You… Agh! (Goes to the cake, which is on a trolley.)

Miroku can't resist, and reaches out for her rear end. Rather than slap him, Sango turns, grabbing a frying pan. She raises it threateningly. Miroku makes a squeaking noise and darts away in terror. Finding that she likes the frying pan, she sets aside for later use and wheels out the cake.

On deck, the world has come to chaos and all the animals have “gone mad” and are attacking Kikyou. Kagura climbs onto the ship. In the chaos, the shell necklace breaksand Kagura gains her voice back prematurely.

Kagura: Eric!

Sesshoumaru stops pretending to be under a spell.

Sesshoumaru: Ariel?

Kagura runs over to him. For some reason, they lean in to kiss again. The sun sets in the background. Right before her lips meet his, Kagura falls down, as she no longer has legs to support her.

Kagura: Aw, shit. Eric, I wanted to tell you, but—

Kikyou: The bet is over. I've won. (Grabs Kagura and pulls her over to the railing). So long, Eric. (Plunges into the water.)

Naraku appears.

Naraku: Hand her over.

Kikyou: (holding up contract) She's mine.

Naraku skims over the contract.

Naraku: All right.

Goes to leave. Kikyou throws the script at him.

Kikyou: You have to sacrifice yourself to save Ariel.

Naraku freezes and turns around, horrified.

Naraku: I'm not going to do that—

Me: (flames surround me, heated with my anger) Do it. Do it or I'll write Cinderella!

Naraku: (sighs) Fine. Here. Signs the new contract. Kagura is released and Naraku is turned into a five-inch tall Chibi. Kagura picks him up.

Kagura: I like him better this way.

Naraku: Shut up.

Kikyou puts on his crown and takes the trident. A harpoon sails through the water, slicing off one of her tentacles. She flinchesand spins around to glare at Sesshoumaru. A bit of randomness ensues, and Kikyou accidentally hits the Soul Collectors with the power of the trident. They float around in little shreds. Sesshoumaru is swimming uptothe surface. Kikyou grows to enormous proportions and creates a whirlpool. The sunken ships rise up out of the water. Kagura is stranded in the dry center of the odd whirlpool. Sesshoumaru has vanished somewhere. Kikyou begins wreaking havoc by tampering with the weather. Sesshoumaru apparently knows how to steer a ship now, as he is steering his old, sunken ship. Kikyou glanced at him just in time for him to steer the broken mast right through her stomach. As that was Kikyou's cue to die, she collapsed and “vanished mysteriously.” The tridentand crown shrink down to theirnormal size. Sesshoumaru is now sitting in a little rowing boat. Naraku returns to normal. Storm dissipates.

Scene 12

Sesshoumaru is on the shore. Kagura is watching him leave. Everyone is waiting for Naraku.

Naraku: Hmph.

Myoga: Will you just go by the script? Then we can all leave!

Naraku: Hmph. Fine.Turns Kagura “human.” Kagura does the slow, joyous walk out of the water in a shimmery silver dress. Runs up to Sesshoumaru. This is the moment she's been waiting for!

*smooch*

The end!