InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Lucky Ones ❯ Chapter Eleven ( Chapter 11 )

The Lucky Ones

By Terri Botta

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha. Sole copyright belongs to Viz and Rumiko Takashi. I'm poor so don't sue.

Rating: R for later chapters.

Pairing: Inuyasha/Kagome, Miroku/Sango

Summary: Sometimes Fate hands you a gift you never thought you'd ever get, and it's up to you to accept it for what it is.

Email feedback to: tci100@psu.edu

Webpage: http://www.wordsmiths.net/Botta

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Chapter Eleven

There are moments in a woman's life; defining moments where everything changes in a heartbeat and nothing is ever the same again. Your first crush. The day you start menstruating. Your first boyfriend. Your first experience with sex. The day you accept your first marriage proposal. Your wedding day. The birth of your first child ("Congratulations, Mrs. Higurashi. It's a girl."). The unexpected loss of a husband and having to raise two children alone. The day your daughter starts her first day of school. The day she tells you the ancient well in the shrine leads to a place 500 years in the past. The day a half-demon comes to drag her back there. The day she returns with her first battle scars, and you realize she is putting herself in mortal danger and there's nothing you can do to stop it. The day she gets her heart broken and cries all night in her room. The day you know she is falling in love. The day she starts high school. The day you realize the little girl you raised is someone you don't know anymore. The day she appears, half-demon in tow, carrying a strange infant, and all your hopes and dreams for her to have a normal life go completely up in smoke.

Defining moments. Defining decisions. Choices you make in the blink of an eye and you can't take them back. Things you thought were the right things to do only to find everything going all wrong and spiraling out of control.

The day you make the worst decision of your life and damage something precious, perhaps beyond repair.

Mama Higurashi sat at the kitchen table and poured herself another cup of sake in the dark, the only light in the room coming from the displays on the microwave and kitchen clock. It had been over a decade since she'd been this drunk, but tonight she needed it to numb the pain. The pain of her beloved daughter's humiliated, horrified face, the accusing eyes, and the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach to know she had been the cause of it.

She'd been so frightened. Her daughter, her precious Kagome, barely seventeen and coming home with a babe-in-arms, a nursing one at that! Something had to be done! She made the choice, laid down the law, and crushed her child with it. Oh what she wouldn't do for a chance to take it all back and do it differently.

She should have listened to Jii-chan instead of being blinded by her own irrational panic. Now she wasn't sure if what was broken could ever be fixed. Could the half-demon with the dog ears heal her daughter's wounds? The ones her own mother had put there? Could he soothe the ache and make that horrible, broken look go away from her child's eyes?

They were upstairs now- in blatant disobedience of the new rules, but at least she no longer heard her daughter's heartbroken sobs. It had been quiet up there for hours and neither of them had answered the call to dinner so perhaps Kagome had finally fallen into painless sleep. She didn't know when she herself would ever get to sleep. Every time she closed her eyes she kept seeing that terrible, heart wrenching face, and she'd start to cry all over again. Jii-chan tried to comfort her, tried to absolve her of the guilt for the colossal error in judgment she'd made, but she'd be punishing herself for years. Would Kagome ever forgive her?

There was movement by the doors and there he stood, white hair a stark contrast to the darkness of the hallway behind him. She knew he would come down eventually, and she had been expecting him. He was viciously protective of her daughter, and there was no way he would have let the events of the day go unchallenged. And really, she would think less of him if he did. What man who truly loved her daughter would allow her pain to go unpunished? The very fact that he stood there, ready to face down his love's own mother, was proof of his devotion, and she had to respect him for it even if part of her was deathly afraid.

He could kill her in a heartbeat and she knew it. She'd seen what those claws could do, but his body did not scream violence and revenge. His dog ears were drooped, his eyes down, and his hands were clenched into hard fists at his sides. She didn't know if he was raging or weeping, then thought he was probably doing both.

"You should be proud of her," he said suddenly in the heavy silence, his voice rough with emotion. "You should be proud of her, woman, not ashamed. What she did… She took an orphaned hanyou pup and loved him. Loved him enough to feed him from her own body even though he was not hers. She took in a pup most others would have killed outright or left to starve. That's not something she should be punished for."

He paused, but she could tell that he wasn't finished speaking, so she stayed quiet, waiting.

"Your daughter has the purest heart I've ever known. I have seen her sacrifice more and give more of herself in a single day than most of us useless bastards do in our entire lifetimes. Through her I have seen the world in all of its possibilities instead of all of its disappointments. Every day I am awed and humbled by her power to love and forgive. I know I am a worthless hanyou who is not worthy of her, but yet she stays with me, and treats me with love and kindness- more love and kindness than I have ever known, and I am thankful for every day that she is in my life."

He looked up at her, his eyes blazing with fury. "I owe her more than my heart and mind. I owe her my soul because she gave it back to me when I thought I'd lost it forever. And if you ever hurt her like this again, I will take her away. I'll take her through that blasted well and destroy it on the other side. I won't care if she hates me or `sits' me a thousand times. I will protect Kagome and I will protect my pup. Even from you."

She swallowed hard, knowing if anyone would make good on his threats, it would be this boy.

"I know," she replied calmly. "And if I ever hurt one of my children like this again, I'll help you."

He seemed surprised by her words, then nodded grimly, "We understand each other then."

She nodded. "As much as can be understood. Believe me, no one knows more than I how horribly I behaved and how wrong I was. I don't know why I did what I did. I can only say that I feared for my daughter's health. However, as soon as we were told that what was happening was normal, I should have taken Kagome out of there. I should not have subjected her to… that."

"You should have trusted her. Kagome would not have lied to you."

"I know, but sometimes parents find themselves making the wrong choices for the right reasons, and they end up doing more harm than good by mistake. I pray you will never find yourself in that position," she told him.

He nodded, his mouth tightened into a thin line.

"I knew I had made a mistake the moment we got to the doctor's office and I saw how upset and nervous she was, but I didn't listen to what my heart was telling me. I didn't know how much worse it was going to get until it was too late, and by then the damage was already done.

"But as I listened to that hateful woman insult and debase my daughter, then insult me and call my parenting skills into question, I realized that I had raised a child almost no one would understand. My daughter's heart and soul were so big and so pure, the average person could not even begin to comprehend it. But I'd known that. I'd always known that. It had just never been so clear to me than in that moment."

The boy looked at her with pleading eyes. "If you knew, then why did you do it? She didn't deserve to suffer through that."

"Because pretty soon you'll understand what a parent will do to protect her child, the lengths she will go to in order to keep her child safe," she tried to explain. "I was afraid for my daughter; I am still afraid for her. Every time she goes with you through the well, I know there's a chance she might not come back. I have seen the scars she bears and the shadows behind her eyes. I have watched my carefree little girl worry about bandages and emergency wound care when all she should be crying about is hair and boys. When she came through with a baby and claimed it as her own… all I wanted to do was save her."

"From me," he said with a dejected sigh.

She shook her head. "From that life. In your time, girls Kagome's age may be married and already have two children, but in this time she is still just a child. She has her whole life ahead of her, full of dreams and opportunities that having a baby at seventeen takes away from her. I wanted to spare her the hardships of the path she has chosen."

"So if I love her, I should leave? Take the pup and go?" he asked suddenly.

She paused. Was that what she wanted? For her daughter to go back to being a normal child? No more trips through the well, no more battles, no more half-demon eating ramen in her kitchen? If she could make that choice for Kagome she would, but she couldn't and Kagome could never go back to being a normal girl. She had seen and done too much.

And above all Mama knew Kagome loved this half-demon with all her heart, and would be destroyed if she lost either him or the baby they were planning to raise together. After all the damage she had done today, she was in no mood to cause her daughter any more heartache and pain.

"No. If you love her, you will stay and see it through. If you love her enough to be willing to die for her, be willing to live for her. Dying is easy, Inuyasha. It's living that's the hard part," she replied honestly.

The half-demon in her kitchen snorted. "Keh, you don't need to tell me that, woman. I've known it all my life. Humans and youkai have been trying to get rid of me since the day I was born."

"Like that helpless baby who lost both his parents."

He nodded gravely.

She sighed and took another drink from her cup. She heard him sniff and grunt.

"Sake, eh?" he commented wryly.

She nodded, refilling the cup. "The drink of the repentant."

He coughed lightly. "And the foolish."

She shrugged. "Tonight, I am both."

He looked away, his eyes thoughtful. "How well I know that feeling."

They were quiet for several moments, then she gathered up her courage and asked.

"How is Kagome?"

"Sleeping. The pup too," he answered simply.

"She didn't eat any dinner. Neither did you."

"We weren't hungry."

"Are you hungry now?"

"Not really. Maybe later."

"It's already past nine," she pointed out.

He shrugged.

She turned back to her drink. "I'll be up a while longer. If she wakes, tell her I want to speak with her. I'd like to apologize to her personally. I don't know if it will do any good, but I have to try."

"I'll tell her, but I don't know if she will come down tonight," he promised.

"I wouldn't blame her if she didn't."

"But, as you said, her heart is pure and big. I am sure she will forgive you. She's forgiven me worse," he admitted.

"She loves you very much. Love makes it easy to forgive."

"If only that forgiveness could make you forget the mistakes you made," he commented regretfully.

She nodded in perfect understanding and took another sip from her drink. "Thank you for taking care of her," she said after a moment, genuinely grateful.

"I will be staying in her room tonight," he told her, his voice holding a hint of challenge.

She nodded and gave in. It was wrong of her to separate them anyway.

"I know you would never do anything to dishonor my daughter," she answered.

"There are some who say she dishonors herself just by being with me," he said sadly.

"Those who say that are simply ignorant and hateful. Don't listen to them. Kagome knows her own heart and she's the one that matters."

"Yes," he agreed. "I'm going back up now."

"Good night, Inuyasha."

"Good night."

The half-demon moved to leave her alone in the dark with her sake and her regrets, but then she had a flash of inspiration.

`Maybe I can make things a little better for Kagome tonight after all.'

"Inuyasha…" she called, and waited for him to look at her.

He paused in the doorway and blinked confusedly. "Yeah?"

"Kagome knows you love her, but… but sometimes it's nice to hear the words."

She saw his eyes open wide for a moment, then his face grow quiet and pensive. He gave her a quiet nod of thanks and acknowledgment, and walked out of the room. She watched him leave, before returning to her sake and her own dark thoughts.

*********

Inuyasha walked slowly up the stairs, his mind and heart heavy with the events of the day. As he climbed the stairs, he let his fists relax and raised his hands to lick the blood off his palms where his claws had dug into his skin. Some of the wounds were so deep that blood had pooled out of them and dripped on the floor. He licked his hands thoroughly, knowing that the pup would smell blood immediately and get upset. The action gave him time to think about Kagome's mother's words.

`Kagome knows you love her, but… but sometimes it's nice to hear the words.'

He knew he'd never said it. But then again, she'd never said it either. It was this unspoken agreement between them not to tell each other how they really felt. At least, not with words anyway. They had been telegraphing `I love yous' with touch and actions for the better part of their relationship, but the words… the words had never left their lips.

He'd heard her say them- to others. Usually when she thought he couldn't hear. He'd heard her scream `I love Inuyasha!' right before he ripped down the shoji of the temple Kagura had taken Kagome to when Naraku had tried to steal Kagome's eyes. He'd heard her cry it as she thrust off the last of that damn baby's control over her soul, just moments before he'd clawed his way to her side.

How she'd looked at him then as she fell backwards and he caught her before she hit the floor. Her eyes… her eyes had said it all, and again, later, when she opened them and saw him kneeling next to her. `You came,' her mouth had said, but her eyes had whispered, `I love you. I adore you. You are my only one.' And he'd felt shame and guilt and self-hatred for being such a terrible fool, and vowed to never ever ever let Kagome suffer like that again.

He knew she'd told Sango of her love for him, and, obviously, her mother. The fact that he had never said the words was apparently not lost on her and she'd said something to them about it. Was she waiting for him to say them first? Had her declaration of love not come because she wanted him to make the first move? Souta had been so insistent that he tell that little girl he liked her, as if in this time the responsibility for admitting feelings rested on the male. In his time, feelings were assumed and never discussed, at least not by him, but now he wondered what would happen if he did finally admit them and tell her. Would it change anything between them? Any more than the pup had already changed things?

The pup. His son. His makeshift family. The life that bound him and Kagome together. Finally, he had something to hold her with that was more permanent than a Quest or a Duty. If they had a pup to raise, would she stay with him now? She'd all but said she would. She'd threatened to leave with him and never return to this place he'd come to resent because it took her from him, and stank and hurt his ears and made him feel caged. She'd said she'd do it and he knew she'd been serious. What would she have thought if she'd known how his heart had leapt for joy and danced a happy, elated dance around his soul at the sound of those words?

But her mother wanted a different life for her daughter. One that didn't include violent hanyous and pups and time-traveling danger. If he loved her, he would take the pup and leave, leave her to her world of school and tests and `machines.' She wouldn't have him but she'd be alive and safe...

`And devastated,' he sighed. `And so would you, and you'd have a pup to raise who had lost two mothers before he'd even learned to walk. And be honest, you're too damn selfish to give her up anyway. She's yours, damnit and no one, no one is taking her away from you. The rest of the world can fuck off.' He chuckled. At least he was still allowed to curse in his head.

The blood was gone and he put one hand palm down on the closed door, stretching out his hearing to listen to the occupants in the room. Both Kagome and Yukio were sleeping, their breath soft and even. Quietly he opened the door and took in the sight of Kagome curled, still clothed, on the bed with Yukio tucked against her. She was still wrapped in his haori, and all he could see of the pup was a tuft of silver hair sticking out from underneath the fire rat cloth. He smiled at the sight, his human heart softening with love and tenderness while his demon snarled protectively.

`Mine. Mine mine mine mine mine! MINE!'

For once his two halves were in complete agreement.

He needed to hold her, to know she was safe, and feel her warmth against him so he could sleep. Slowly, he approached the bed and rubbed her calf lightly with the back of his hand. She roused a moment later and blinked at him with sleepy eyes.

"Inu… yasha?" she murmured.

"May I sleep with you in your bed tonight?" he asked, shocked at his own boldness but it was too late now.

She stared at him and he blushed, suddenly realizing how his question might have sounded. Did she think he was asking for that?

"Just to sleep!" he stammered, holding up his hands.

She gave him a tired smile and nodded. He let out the breath he didn't know he was holding and climbed in next to her, putting himself between her body and the wall. Her bed was soft and smelled of her and he'd often slept in it, just never with her in it at the same time. He settled down on his side as she rolled to her back, placing Yukio on her chest. The fire rat haori fell open and he could see that the pup was sound asleep, dressed only in his diaper. He reached out one hand to stroke the pup's hair and back.

Kagome turned her head so that it touched his shoulder and he moved close. It was odd to lie with her like this. They'd often slept curled together sitting up, but never reclined side-by-side. He liked it. Her warmth ran the entire length of his body, and of course, her scent was everywhere, wrapping around him like a sweet blanket. Somehow his hand found hers and their fingers laced together across her stomach.

"I spoke to your mother," he whispered.

He felt her tense beside him and he nuzzled her hair comfortingly.

"She wants to talk to you."

"Not tonight," came her soft reply.

"I told her that you probably wouldn't come down. She's drinking sake in the dark down in the kitchen."

"She is?"

He nodded, knowing she couldn't see it, but would feel the movement against her head.

"She… she feels badly about today. She's very sorry. She said she wanted to apologize to you personally," he told her.

"She did?"

"She knows she made a big mistake. She wants to make up."

She made a choked sound. "How can I ever forgive her for putting me through that? You didn't see how that doctor looked at me…"

"Is it any worse than some of the things I have done? You've forgiven me, haven't you?" he asked.

"Yes," she replied without hesitation, and he felt immense relief at the words. "But this is different. This is my mother, and I've never given her any reason to doubt me."

"I know, and I don't excuse what she did, but… but sometimes parents make the wrong choice for the right reason and end up making a big mistake," he paraphrased to her. "Maybe someday you'll find yourself doing the same thing with Yukio and feeling badly about it. And I'll find you drinking sake in the dark."

She laughed at that, softly. "Maybe."

He nuzzled her again. "Kagome…" `I love you.' "You're safe now, and so is the pup, and I don't think it will happen again."

"I think you're right."

"So maybe, it's okay to forgive her and give her another chance. Doesn't your mother deserve the same forgiveness you give a worthless hanyou like me?"

Her hand on his tensed and clutched his fingers close. "You're not a worthless hanyou. Don't ever say that. To me, you're… you're strong and good and perfect just the way you are."

He had to squeeze his eyes shut to halt the tears that threatened. "Kagome…" `I love you.'

"But you're right. She does deserve my forgiveness if she promises never to do it again."

"She won't. I'm sure of it."

She snuggled closer, shifting so that her body was pressed against his. "All right then. I'll talk to her tomorrow. Right now… right now I just want to lie here with you. Is that okay?"

`You have to ask?' "Yeah. I told your mother I'd be staying in here with you tonight. She didn't tell me I couldn't."

She sighed, and on her chest, the pup snuffled in his sleep. She used her free hand to pull the haori back over him to keep him warm.

"Good. I'm tired."

"Then go back to sleep."

"Mmm-hmmm," she murmured and he could feel her slipping down into unconsciousness.

"Sleep, Kagome." `I love you.'

"Night… nu…yash…a."

"Good night," he answered but she was already asleep.

He smiled and buried his nose in her fragrant hair.

`Kagome. I know I am not worthy of you, but I love you and I am never letting you go. And someday… someday I'll be brave enough to tell you.'

He closed his eyes, relaxing as the sound of her breathing and heartbeat, and her scent soothed him like a balm on his soul. Soon he joined her in peaceful, dreamless sleep.