InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Mark ❯ The Shame of a Secret Long Kept ( Chapter 5 )

Sesshomaru sat up on his bed in his palace almost a hundred miles from where Kagome slept. Something was wrong with her. She was awake now, but pointedly trying to keep something from him. He was momentarily hurt. She had never kept anything from him. He shook himself. It was not as if the girl had known him for any significant period of time. She had every right to hide things from him.

He rose. She felt pained, angry, and above all sad. He wanted to do something to stop that pain and that sorrow. He could hear her berating herself, careful not to touch on the memory she had almost revealed. Walking quickly to his wardrobe he dressed and donned his armor. He summoned a servant and ordered Jaken and Rin to meet him at Ah-Un with their supplies. She seemed annoyed with his obvious refusal to reveal what he was doing to her. He watched as she began to prepare breakfast. Gin was curled up with the perverted monk, talking in whispers in the predawn hours. He felt the need to smile. The kitsune woman had been alone for centuries, she deserved to find someone who cared for her, and Kagome's opinion of the monk was high, despite his lecherous tendencies.

Sesshomaru strode out of his palace, fielding servants and visiting Lords. There was something wrong with Kagome. He wasn't sure if it was physical or not, but he felt the undeniable need to be at her side. She needed him and he was coming. Rin was asleep on Ah-Un's back, and Jaken did not seem very wakeful either. He closed his eyes and pinpointed their location. This would be a hard trip, but it was a necessary one. There was nothing more important to a youkai than his mate and his pups.

Kagome stirred the fire to life. She pointedly ignored the whispered conversation taking place between Miroku and Gingitsune. No doubt they were trading their life stories. Despite his lecherous tendencies, Kagome did not think that he would rush into a sexual relationship without at least some preliminaries, and in her opinion, any woman who really got to know him, would eventually love him. He deserved someone who loved him. She shook the thought away as she dug through her bag to pull out ramen enough for everybody.

Kouga whimpered in his sleep and she looked up. Why was the wolf staying with them? It was true he had thought himself in love with her, but if she so obviously belonged to another, then why would he remain? She simply could not figure it out. Inuyasha stirred slightly in the increased light. Sesshomaru had shown her his memory of their confrontation and his decision about Kikyou. She sighed softly and went about gathering enough fire wood to boil the water for breakfast. By the time she had returned, Miroku and Gingitsune had dropped their charade and began to help her. She smiled at the youkai woman as the light slowly began to increase.

"You're getting pretty close to Miroku-san."

She nodded slowly. "The curse in his hand, he is very lonely because of it."

Kagome jumped, her eyes wide with shock. "You understand."

"What do you mean?"

Kagome glanced around to make sure the others were either asleep or out of earshot. "Sango and Inuyasha do not understand. They do not see that he holds everyone at a distance. His groping is a way to put me and Sango off. He doesn't want us close because he's afraid he'll hurt us in the end."

The beginnings of tears shone in her eyes. "He is lucky to know someone like you Kagome-sama, and so am I."

Kagome pulled the kitsune into a warm embrace, knowing instinctively that the youkai needed comfort far more than she did at this moment. Miroku was not pushing her away, despite his best efforts. She had slipped inside his guard and now seemed to fully understand what that meant. She could very easily end up loving a doomed man. The first sob was so soft Kagome almost missed it. She gathered Gingitsune closer, giving her a shoulder to cry on as all her hurt and frustrations bubbled to the surface. Silently she thanked Miroku for his timely absence as she calmed the woman. A last Kagome could dry her face with a corner of her kimono. She gave her a tentative smile.

"You love him don't you?"

She nodded slowly. "Gods help me I love a human I hardly know and yet know better than I know my own heart."

"You have been alone a long time too, I think. Lonely hearts tend to be drawn to one another. Gin, do me one favor?"

"Yes?"

"End his loneliness and yours."

Miroku returned with the water and watched as Kagome made breakfast. He braved Inuyasha and Kouga's displeasure by waking them. Once the promise of food soothed over their morning grumps, everyone was able to settle down to a quiet meal. Kagome watched as Miroku and Gin gathered up the bowls and took them to the river to wash. Sango opened her mouth to warn her but Kagome made a silencing motion with her hand and she clammed up. She slid over to the miko once the two were out of sight.

"What was that about?"

"I think Miroku is in for a bit of a shock."

"Why's that?"

Inuyasha's ears perked slightly and Kouga also seemed to be listening. "Because Gin is very lonely and she understands him. She is also in love with him."

"She's known him less than a day."

"Do you think that really matters? Miroku doesn't have a lot of time, Sango. If Gin loves him, really loves him, he's not going to turn that away."

Sango sighed softly and glanced up at the rising sun. "So when are we going to meet Sesshomaru-sama?"

"I don't know, I think he might be mad at me."

"Why?"

"We had an argument last night."

A cold smooth voice whipped through the clearing startling everyone. "It would hardly have been an argument if you had simply told me what was wrong."

Kagome pushed herself to her feet, her face a mask of fury. She glared at the taiyoukai. "How dare you hunt me down! I am not some errant child."

"I will speak with you, now."

"I do not follow your orders."

Gin and Miroku appeared at a run, drawn by Kagome's shouts. "You and I must speak."

He crossed the clearing to stand before her. Her scent carried rage and tears as well as Gin's scent and the scent of Gin's tears. There was something else too, the smell of old blood. He took her arm gently and guided her into the forest, out of earshot of the four youkai and the hanyou. He stopped in a small grove. Kagome would not look at him and he could not understand why. Her mind was filled with only evasion and a tiny bit of guilt as well as the need to speak and the unwillingness to reveal this secret. He also felt shame, as though she had lied for so long it pained her to admit it.

"Kagome, why won't you tell me?"

Tears slid down her face as she continued to look anywhere but into his penetrating gaze. He inhaled again. The scent of blood was still there. He didn't understand, her wounds should have healed by now. She had not been injured and knowledge of her mind told him it was not yet time for her monthly bleed. He stepped forward, trying to pinpoint the source. It was coming from lower. He gripped her shoulder and used his claws to rip through her obi and kimono, revealing the strange garments she wore underneath. Just above the garment that hid her womanhood, there were two dozen horizontal cuts. He fell down to his knees before her as sobs tore through her body. Gently he touched the cuts.

"You did this to yourself? Why?"

At last she looked at him and he sensed it, an unfathomable pain that reached to the very core of her being. "It makes me feel alive."

He leaned forward and gently began to lap at them. She gasped softly as he tended to her wounds. Some were old, maybe several weeks and almost healed, and some were only a few days old. He lapped at them, breaking the scabs and causing blood to seep out. He cleaned them gently as she leaned back against a tree. At last he finished and looked up at her. Tears streamed down her face and she too fell to her knees. He gathered her against him as she cried.

-Show me, Kagome, don't hide it anymore. I want to help.-

He was bombarded by images. Boys at school that used to beat her up, teachers that turned a blind eye. He felt her fury and her helplessness. Her mother never saw, never realized. She tried to teach herself to fight back, but only got beat harder. Then she went through the well. Inuyasha was her protector and her tormentor. She loved him and he used her, broke her a hundred times over and a hundred times worse than the bullies. In her time she was finally able to fight off the bullies and protect her brother, but now it was a new kind of abuse. All her worries over Sango, Miroku, Shippou, Kohaku, and Kagura boiled over as she wept in his arms. It was a long time before she finally got a hold of herself.

"Why did you make me do that?"

"I did not force you to do anything." He lifted her gently and jumped into the trees, sprinting away from the camp. "You have to tell people these things, Kagome. Trust me, I know how memories and emotions can poison you from the inside out."

"Where are we going?"

He landed by a hot springs and pulled the remains of her kimono off. He beckoned toward the water and she slipped in with her underwear still on. Sesshomaru stripped and climbed in. He pulled her onto his lap, tucking her head under his chin.

"I cannot say it will stop hurting, Kagome, but I promise to be there when the pain gets to be too much."

She wrapped her arms around his torso and sighed softly. "Thank you, Sesshomaru."

"This is what mates do for each other, Kagome, they love and support each other. I want you to be my mate."

"I love you too."

Gently he washed away the stains of her tears. His ministrations to her stomach had cleaned and closed the wounds. He ran a hand over them to make sure they were fading. She caught his hand and lifted it from the water, examining the deadly appendage. He heard her whispers as easily as if she had spoken clearly.

"How can such a deadly thing hold such beauty and tenderness?"

She looked up at him, confused by the contradictions he represented. He cupped her face gently. There was less than a breath between them. Then suddenly his lips were covering hers. He gently drew her forth, comforting her as he tasted her. She pressed herself against him, but he backed off, he would not draw her into mating yet. As much as he wanted her, he knew she was not ready. He brushed his tongue across her lower lip, sucking it into his mouth and nipping lightly before allowing his tongue to explore her inner recesses. She moaned softly against his mouth as he teased her gently. At last he released her. She rested her forehead against his chest and closed her eyes.

"Sesshomaru, I'm scared."

He gave her a gentle squeeze. "I know, but I'm here for you."