InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Miko Bride ❯ The Miko Bride-Rescue and Ressurection ( Chapter 11 )

(After much searching, the duo find the secret grove. Kijo is pushing a wheelbarrow. She suddenly finds Sesshomaru's sword at her chest.)

Sesshomaru: Where is the Man in Black?

(Kijo shakes her head.)

Sesshomaru: Where did you get the wheelbarrow?

(Silence.)

Sesshomaru: Rouyakan, jog her memory.

(Rouyakan slams her over the head full force. She collapses under the blow. Her spine has probably snapped.)

Rouyakan: Sorry, Sesshomaru, I didn't mean to jog her so hard. Sesshomaru?

(Sess kneels and draws his sword. He closes his eyes and faces the grove.)

Sesshomaru: Father, I have failed you for twenty years. Now our misery can end. Somewhere close by is a man who can help us. I cannot find him alone. I need your help. Guide my blade, Father. Guide my blade…

(He stands and walks blindly through the grove, sword straight out in front of him. It jabs into a knot in a tree. He opens his eyes. Nothing happens. He collapses against the tree. Against a knot in the tree. The secret door slides open. Sess glances at Rouyakan, shrugs, and the two start down. They find the pit abandoned. Only Inuyasha remains, still strapped to the Machine. Rouyakan checks for a heartbeat.)

Rouyakan: Nothing. He's dead.

Sesshomaru: It's just not fair.

Shippo: What? Grandpa, hold on!

(We're back in Shippo's bedroom.)

Shippo: What does Rouyakan mean "He's dead?" He doesn't mean…dead? Inuyasha's just faking….right?

Grandpa: You want me to read it or not?

Shippo: Who gets Naraku?

Grandpa: Eh?

Shippo: Who kills Prince Naraku? Someone's gotta do it. Is it Sesshomaru?

Grandpa: No one kills him. He lives.

Shippo: He wins? Jesus, Grandpa! What did you read me this thing for?

Grandpa: You know, you've been very sick, and you're taking this very seriously. I think we'd better stop.

Shippo: No! I'm okay. I'm okay. Keep reading.

Grandpa: All right. Now let's see, where were we? Ah yes, the Pit of Despair.

(Back in the Pit, Sess stands.)

Sesshomaru: I have never taken easily to defeat. Come, Rouyakan. Bring the body.

Rouyakan: The body?

Sesshomaru: How much money do you have?

Rouyakan: A little.

Sesshomaru: I hope it is enough to buy a miracle.

(Cut to a small hovel. Sess pounds on the door.)

Voice: Go away!

(Sess knocks again. A black haired man with a rosary around one hand opens a window in the door.)

Miracle Miroku: What? What?

Sesshomaru: Are you the Miracle Miroku who worked for the King for all those years?

Miroku: The King's stinking son fired me, and put a black hole in my hand that will eventually consume me. Thank you so much for bringing up a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice in it? We're closed!

(He slams the window. Sess knocks again. Again, Miroku opens the window.)

Miroku: Beat it, or I'll call the Brute Squad.

Rouyakan: I'm on the Brute Squad.

Miroku: (Sizing him up.) You are the Brute Squad.

Sesshomaru: We need a miracle. It's urgent.

Miroku: I'm retired. Besides, why would you want someone the King's stinking son fired? I'll probably kill whoever you want me to miracle.

Sesshomaru: He's already dead.

Miroku: He is? All right, I'll take a look at him. Bring him in.

(He unlocks the door. Rouyakan and Sess enter with Inuyasha. Rouyakan lays the expired hanyou on a bench beside the fireplace. Miroku lifts Inuyasha's arm and drops it. It falls limp.)

Miroku: I've seen worse.

(He pokes and prods Inuyasha, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.)

Sesshomaru: Sir, we're really in a terrible hurry.

Miroku: Don't rush me. Rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles. You got money?

Sesshomaru: Sixty-five yen.

Miroku: I've never worked for so little, except once. And that was for a very noble cause.

Sesshomaru: This is a noble cause. His wife is crippled. His children are on the brink of starvation, and…

Miroku: …and you are a rotten liar.

Sesshomaru: I need him to avenge my father, murdered these twenty years.]

Miroku: Your first story was better. He probably owes you money. I'll ask him.

(He picks up a large bellows.)

Sesshomaru: He's dead. He can't talk.

Miroku: Well, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend is only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead, and all dead. Open his mouth.

(Miroku sticks his bellows in Inuyasha's mouth and starts pumping. [People like Miroku should take care not to read that sentence too closely.])

Miroku: Now, mostly dead is slightly alive. All dead…well with all dead, there's only one thing you can do.

Sesshomaru: What?

Miroku: Go through their pockets and look for loose change. And keep the body for some late, lonely night…

(He grins lecherously, stops pumping, and removes the bellows.)

Miroku: Hey in there! What you got that's worth living for?

Inuyasha: Tr…oo…luv…

Sesshomaru: You hear that? True love! You cannot ask for a nobler cause.

Miroku: True love is the greatest thing in the world. Except a nice MLT-mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is crisp. I love that. But he distinctly said `to bluff.' So you're probably playing cards and he cheated…

Voice: LIAR! LI-A-A-AR!

(An armored woman carrying a massive boomerang runs on and starts whacking Miroku over the head with it.)

Miroku: Get back, witch!

Sango: I'm not a witch, I'm your wife! But after what you just said, I'm not sure I want to be that anymore!

Miroku: You never had it so good.

Sango: `True love,' Miroku! He said `True love.' My God…

Miroku: Don't say another word Sango!

Sango: He's afraid. Ever since Naraku fired and cursed him, he's lost his confidence.

Miroku: You promised me you'd never say that name!

Sango: What, Naraku? Naraku! Naraku! Ooo, Naraku!

Miroku: I'm not list-ening!

Sango: Naraku! Naraku! Naraku!

Sesshomaru: This is Kagome's true love. Bring him back, and he'll stop Naraku's wedding.

Sango: Naraku! Naraku!

Miroku: Shut up! (To Sess.) I heal him, Naraku suffers?

Sesshomaru: Humiliations galore.

Miroku: Now that is a noble cause. Give me the sixty-five, I'm on the job!

(He and Sango get to work. Soon they produce a chocolate coated pill. Sess and Rouyakan stare at it dubiously.)

Sesshomaru: That's a miracle pill.

Sango: The chocolate coating makes it go down easier. But you have to wait fifteen minutes for full potency. And he shouldn't go swimming afterwards for, what was it?

Miroku: An hour.

Sango: Right an hour.

Miroku: A good hour.

(Sess puts the pill in a pocket as Rouyakan hoists Inuyasha onto his shoulders.)

Sesshomaru: Thank you for everything.

(Sango and Miroku follow Sees and Rouyakan out.)

Sango: Bye-bye, boys!

Miroku: Have fun storming the castle!

Sango: Think it'll work?

Miroku: It'd take a miracle.

Both: Bye!

(They try to look happy as we cut to the castle ramparts. Rouyakan peers down on the guards in the courtyard.)

Rouyakan: Sesshomaru, there's more than thirty.

Sesshomaru: It doesn't matter. We've got him. Here, help me open his mouth. We'll have to force feed him

Rouyakan: Has it been fifteen minutes?

Sesshomaru: We can't wait. The wedding is in half an hour. We must strike in the hustle and bustle beforehand.

(With no little effort, they get Inuyasha to swallow the pill.)

Rouyakan: How long do we have to wait before it works?

Sesshomaru: Your guess is as good as mine.

Inuyasha: I'll tear you apart! I'll take you both together!

Rouyakan: Apparently not very long.

Inuyasha: Why won't my arms move?

Rouyakan: You've been mostly dead all day.

Sesshomaru: We had Miracle Miroku make a pill to bring you back.

Inuyasha: Who are you? Are we enemies? Where's Kagome?

Sesshomaru: Allow me to explain…no, there is too much. I will sum up: Kagome is marrying Naraku in less than half an hour, so all we have to do is break in, spoil the wedding, and make our escape after I kill Count Hiten.

Inuyasha: That doesn't leave much time for dilly-dallying.

(He taps his fingers on the ground.)

Rouyakan: You just wiggled your fingers! That's wonderful!

Inuyasha: I've always been a fast healer. What are our liabilities?

Sesshomaru: There is but one working castle gate, guarded by sixty men.

Inuyasha: Our assets?

Sesshomaru: Your brains, Rouyakan's strength, my steel.

Inuyasha: That's it? Impossible. Maybe if I had a month to plan, but this…

(He shakes his head.)

Rouyakan: You just shook your head! Doesn't that make you happy?

Inuyasha: A little head jiggle can hardly cheer me up when we're up against sixty men with only my brains, your strength, and his steel. If only I had a wheelbarrow…

Sesshomaru: Rouyakan, where did we leave that wheelbarrow the witch had?

Rouyakan: Over the witch, I think.

Inuyasha: Why didn't you list that amongst our assets in the first place. What I wouldn't give for a holocaust cloak.

Sesshomaru: There we cannot help you.

Rouyakan: Will this do?

(He produces a huge black cloak.)

Sesshomaru: Where did you get that?

Rouyakan: Miracle Miroku's house. It fit so nice, he let me keep it.

Inuyasha: Right, help me up.

(Sess and Rouyakan help him to his feet.)

Inuyasha: I'll need a sword eventually.

Sesshomaru: Why? You can't even lift one.

Inuyasha: That's hardly common knowledge, is it? Now, there could be problems once we're inside.

Sesshomaru: I'll say-how do I find the Count? Once I do, how do I find you again? Then, once that is accomplished, how do we make our escape?

Rouyakan: Don't pester him. He's had a bad day.

Sesshomaru: Right. Sorry.

Rouyakan: Sesshomaru?

Sesshomaru: Yes?

Rouyakan: I hope we win…