InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Pain of Letting Go ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

The Pain of Letting Go

By: Two_tailed_fox

Chapter 1

 

----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------

Summary: Does love heal pain? If so, how do you know who needs healing? More importantly how do you heal someone that doesn't know they need to be healed? Kagome lost her mother at 19, but she never really got over the pain. After meeting Inuyasha she realizes something is wrong, but can't figure out what it is. Can he help her find out what is missing? Or will she push him away like she had everyone else?

 

Blanket Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, though I can still dream cant I?

 

<This is my first fic. I accept good and bad criticism. Oh and could anyone tell me what ATnet or Ascom is?? Anyways, read and enjoy!!>

 

^.^

----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------

 

 

 

 

The rain beat lightly on the window. Hallow thunks sounded through the building as flashes of light illuminated the room. Kagome sat on her couch, feet tucked comfortably underneath her as she sipped a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Her eyes stared out of the window to the wind blown droplets falling outside.

 

How could everything go so wrong. Life was like a roller coaster and it was not going to stop any time soon. One day things could be great, contented with life. Then the next one little thing could happen and it would change everything. Was there no way to keep a balance? Was there no way to be happy even though things didn't always go as planned? These things wove random paths through Kagome's mind as she sat there, on her soft sofa.

 

Kagome was 20 and had moved out of her mothers house two years previous. After High School she had gone to a Junior College. Then had gotten a job as a waiter. She had quickly become the most liked out of all the staff. She had always been a hard worker and put everything else aside when she felt the business needed her most. Some people called her a work-a-holic, but work was all she had.

 

Her mother had died the year she had moved, and was actually the reason she had moved. The doctors had said she had died of `natural causes', but she was way to young for that. It had baffled Kagome. After the initial shock of losing her mother had passed she had fell into a grove of uncertain depression. She had stayed in her room for weeks on end. Her brother Sota had been sent to live with there grandfather, but Kagome just couldn't do it. She had to get out of the house, everything reminded her of her mother.

 

Even before Sota had left Kagome had trouble being around him. He had such a likeness of her that Kagome just couldn't get past the pain. She new it hurt him when she pushed him away, but she didn't know how else to act, and she didn't think of a different way to act. There was no reasoning in her mind, she couldn't think of what was right or wrong. Memories flooded through her mind, keeping her from seeing what was around her.

 

All of her friends and mothers friends had tried to comfort her, but she had shoved there helping hands aside. After a month of living in the house, a month of solitude, a month of self-indifference, a month of sorrow, Kagome decided she had to leave. Move away from everything she new, everything that brought back memories. So she left, leaving the house to her grandfather. Kagome left there little town in Texas. But she wasn't satisfied to just leave the state, she made the choice to move all the way to Tokyo.

 

There family wasn't the richest in town, but they never needed money. Even after the price of flight and living expenses were settled she still had the money to go to College without having to take on a job right away. Even though she was bogged down with homework she forced herself to take on a job, as a waitress in a nearby restraint.

 

Through the next two years she had worked restlessly, keeping to herself as much as possible. She had to admit though, her co-workers were nice. Sango for instance, who was another waitress, had a bold smiling spark to her personality that made Kagome smile on may occasions.

 

Kaede, the wise cook, was a support to Kagome; even if she tried to push the old lady away she had always given her a kind silent support. Kagome had never told anyone why she had moved, or anything about her life in the U.S., and no one had pushed the subject.

 

There was also her boss, Kouga. Though he was a very big flirt, and on many occasions got on Kagome's nerves he was also nice in a gruff kind of way. When it came down to it, he could be rather civil and nice. The restaurant was situated right down the street from a bar, and so on many occasions drunks had gone in, and caused trouble for Kagome and Sango. Kouga had quickly remedied the problem, kicking the drunk men out and saving Kagome and Sango from embarrassment, and the men from being killed where they sat.

 

Even though Kagome continued to hold them at an arms length away, they had still managed to wiggle there way into her heart. She did consider them as her friends and they hers. She planned on never mentioning her past to any of them though, no matter how close they got, it was just to painful, and mysterious.

 

She finished Junior College, but had no idea what she wanted to do after that. So she kept working and decided to figure it out on the way. Her life was simple, go to work then go home. She never went out, even though Sango on many occasions had begged and pleaded with her to go have some fun. She had always said no, that she didn't like to party. But that wasn't true. Before Kagome's mother had died she had been the axis to most parties that went on at the Junior High, or even at friends houses. She was esily the most popular girl in school. She had always loved the attention. Parties were her favorite pass time activities. She still missed them, but she didn't want to have fun. She felt she was betraying her mother by going out and living a happy life.

 

She felt that since her mother had died at such a young age, since she didn't get to have the happy life that Kagome knew she deserved, that neither could she. She new that if she told her friends this they would state that her mother would want her to go on living a happy life. Kagome felt she couldn't do that. She felt it was wrong.

 

And these thoughts were the reason she was sitting on her sofa all alone. Sango, after work, had asked her once more to go have fun with her at a club that night, and as usual Kagome had refused. The answer had made an argument arise. One in which Sango had yelled that she needed to talk about her problems and get over them. The thought had frightened Kagome beyond comprehension. To say the least she had said a few things that she didn't really mean.

 

Sango had walked out of the restaurant leaving Kagome to ponder exactly what she had said. And she was still doing that.

 

I didn't really mean it when I said she was a pain… but It really isn't her business what happened to me. She shouldn't be trying to change me, I am what I am…I also didn't mean it when I said I wished I hadn't met her. I was just mad, but that isn't really an excuse is it? Kagome put her head in her empty hand, closing her eyes. Good God what have I done?! They have all been nothing but supportive and kind to me ever since I moved here, and here I am telling Sango how much I hate her!

 

Tears stung the back of Kagome's eyes as she berated herself for her outburst. She refused to let them fall though, leaning her head back and blinking a couple of times to get rid of them. After she was certain they would not fall she let her chin rotate down to its original position. Getting up silently she walked into the kitchen. After rinsing out her cup she placed it in the half full dishwasher.

 

Taking a quick look at her clock she realized that it was just barley 8:30. She had been debating all evening if she should call Sango and say sorry or not. Her conscience got the better of her. Picking up the phone she quickly dialed Sango's number.

 

After the fifth ring she got the answering machine. Kagome didn't really think it was a good idea to salve this over a message, she loved Sango to much for that.

 

“Hey Sango, I wanted to talk to you about what I said this afternoon. If you could call me please.”

 

Hanging up the phone she pondered what she had just said. They had gotten so used to talking to each other that when they left messages they didn't feel the need to say who it was, they could just tell. She really felt bad about everything she had said. It wasn't any of Sango's business what had happened to Kagome, but she also didn't have to act the way she had.

 

With a soft sigh Kagome went back over to the sofa and layed down on it. Reaching over to the coffee table, where there was a small radio, she flipped the switch. As the sound of music filled the air she stuffed her face into the throw pillow by the arm of the sofa.

 

Before she knew it she had fallen asleep. After a few hours, which felt like only minutes, passed she woke up to the phone ringing. Groggily she picked up the cordless, clicking the Send button she placed it to her ear.

 

“Hello?”

 

Sango's voice resonated through the ear peace. “Hey Kagome.” It sounded sad and distant.

 

Kagome was wide awake know. Sitting up she tucked her feet under her once again. “Hey Sango. Listen I just wanted to say that I am sorry for what I said today. Not all of it was true.”

 

There was a pause in which Kagome held her breath. The she herd a sigh before Sango spoke again.

 

“Kagome… I know some of the things you said weren't true, but you have to realize that everyone is worried about you. Ever since you moved to Tokyo you have been distant and withdrawn. I can tell by your personality that you didn't always used to be that way. What happened? I just want you to be able to talk to me.”

 

Kagome took a deep breath, letting all of Sango's words sink in. Was everyone really that worried about her, did it really show that much? “I don't want to worry everyone. Its nothing big, I just have to deal with it.”

 

“That's the point Kagome! We are here for you, you don't have to deal with it all alone. That's what friends are for. I just want you to be honest.”

 

Sango's voice had risen a little with that last statement. Kagome felt tears well up once more…but held them back. “I want to be honest with you guys Sango. I just have to do it on my own time.”

 

Kagome waited for Sango's reply. After a few minutes she herd her friends voice again. “Ok Kagome. I can respect that. Just stop pushing everyone away…ok?”

 

She silently pondered that for a few seconds. Could it really hurt to let people in? Would she be taking a risk in letting them get to know her? She could at least try it couldn't she?

 

With an inaudible sigh she said, “Ok… I will try to stop pushing everyone away.”

 

“We all love you Kagome.”

 

“I love you guys too.”

 

“Sooo… will you go hang out with us tomorrow?”

 

Kagome paused, then remembering what she had said relented. “Sure.”

 

She herd a high pitched squeal on the other end and held the phone arms length from her ear. What have I gotten myself into?!

 

Still holding the phone away from her ear she yelled, “Ok Sango… you don't have to make me go deaf.”

 

They talked for a little while longer and once she was finished decided to go to bed. She took a quick shower and then got her pj's on. Crawling under the covers in her room she laid down. Her last thoughts were: I am going to regret this.

 

----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------

<I hope you liked it…..I will try and get chapters up as fast as I can. I would love to hear what you guys would like to happen to this story. This story is for you afterall.

 

Please Review!>

 

^.^

 

Two_tailed_fox