InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Pain of Losing Another ❯ Chapter Five ( Chapter 5 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: ShadyMinion 
Meeting Kagome again, and the pain that comes with it.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Drama | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 05.24.2006 | Updated On: 05.24.2006 | Pages: 5 | Words: 8.4K | Visits: 508 | Status: Work In Progress
Meeting Kagome again, and the pain that comes with it.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Drama | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 05.24.2006 | Updated On: 05.24.2006 | Pages: 5 | Words: 8.4K | Visits: 508 | Status: Work In Progress
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Chapter Five
Kagome sat unmoving on the couch. Her eyes were dull and unresponsive. Around her, Kagome’s friends stood worried. Kagome didn’t seem to notice them.
Shippou kneeled in front of her. He placed a hand on her knee and stared up into her pale face. “Okaa-san?” He received no response. “Okaa-san.” He tried again. “Are you alright? We’re all worried about you, okaa-san.”
Slowly Kagome blinked. She couldn’t comprehend what her son was saying to her, but one point had made itself clear, the voices were back.
“Shut up! I don’t want to hear your idiotic voice!”
“You useless bitch, what do you think you are doing?”
“Get away from me, wench!”
Kagome recoiled, curling up and shying away from everyone in the room.
“Kaa-san?!” Shippou’s eyes widened. He had only seen Kagome like this one time before, and it wasn’t an experience he was eager to relive. “Everyone out of the room!” He shouted. He would be the one to deal with it, and him alone. As the others hesitated, Shippou gritted his teeth and stood up. “Out, now.” He menaced.
Out of the corner of his eye, Shippou could see Kagome flinch at his tone. He cursed inwardly. Kneeling in front her once more, Shippou rested his palms on the couch cushions on either side of her. “Okaa-san,” he said softly. He met her blank gaze steadily with his own, hoping that she would take some reassurance or comfort from his presence. “It’s alright. No one here is going to hurt you. We were just worried. I don’t want you hurting yourself again.”
He ran his fingers through her hair, now mussed from her wild run across the shrine grounds. Shippou sighed. “Okaa-san,” he began again. “You’re supposed to be healing. I never meant for anything bad to happen to you here. I just wanted to show you how much you were missed. Nobody hates you,” he frowned, “despite what you were lead to believe.” He added bitterly.
Shippou’s presence was calming to Kagome, but she seemed unwilling to relax. She wanted desperately to disappear. She didn’t belong at the Higurashi Shrine. She was completely different from everyone at the shrine.
She could never be a successful shrine maiden, like her sister. She could never become a techno head like Souta; who would have known that the thousands of mind-numbing hours her little brother had dedicated in the pursuit of conquering RPGs would have paid off in such a beneficial manner. She would never be able to keep such a happy home as her mother. Even her grandfather could outstrip her in his vast knowledge of ancient lore and feudal era remedies.
Kagome’s frame sagged. She was a disappointment.
“You’re worthless!”
“Insignificant bitch! Don’t tell me what to do!”
“Voice your opinions to someone who cares.”
The voices, they hurt. Each one made her short of breath and she wilted under each one of them. They rang in her ears, not allowing her to forget. Each were spoken to her with such vehemence, that she believed them.
“You’re weak. I don’t want you here.”
They were right. Kagome had realized it a long time ago. The voices were echoing what she was, and what she could not change, but she couldn’t cry anymore.
Shippou was afraid. Kagome had not made a single move, nor had she relaxed her tense body. She had been almost catatonic for an hour. No matter what he did, he couldn’t get her to respond.
“Okaa-san, okaa-san.” He whispered out in a quiet mantra. Nothing was working. He was about to go out and find Kikyou, when Kagome shifted slightly. Suddenly hopeful, Shippou picked up her hand and held it gently in his own. Almost winsomely, he looked at the small pale hand in comparison with his own. She was still so fragile. He had rushed things, he mused sadly to himself. Kagome wasn’t ready to have come back. Sesshoumaru still frightened her and she had not recovered enough to meet him.
Shippou sighed again. He had been wrong. First thing tomorrow morning, he was going to take her back to the cabin. Perhaps by the time Kagome became an aunt, she might be ready, he thought hopefully. In the meantime, he would take her to her room and let her rest there until the next day. He frowned. If anything else, Kagome had relapsed to how he had found her four years ago.
He would have to talk to Sesshoumaru and find out what he said to her. Kagome was in no state to answer his questions.
Silently, the red-headed teen picked up his mother and carried her to her room, tucking her in gently. “Please rest now, okaa-san.” He said softly, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Get better soon, I miss you and I love you very much. I just want you to know that. No one hates you. No one thinks bad thoughts about you. We all just want you to get better and smile like you used to. You had the most beautiful smile, okaa-san.” Shippou closed his eyes holding back the tears which burned his eyelids. “Goodnight mama. I love you.”
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Sesshoumaru sat watching the afternoon sun set through the kitchen window, wordlessly. Inuyasha was stomping back and forth angrily, trying to hold back his rage and yet wanting the strangle answers out of his older brother. Sesshoumaru had not said a word to anyone since Shippou had thrown them out of the living room. When questioned, the man would simply ignore them or glare at the offender until they walked away.
Sango was sitting at the table with Miroku next to her. Miroku had returned after what ever task Mrs. Higurashi had sent him on a few minutes after they had entered the kitchen. They sat silently, waiting for Shippou to allow them to come and talk to Kagome. Sango frowned dejectedly. It seemed that she was totally unhelpful in dealing with Kagome.
Sango just wanted to share some of the pain so that Kagome wouldn’t have to hold it all in or bear it all alone, but anyone who knew anything was kept as tight-lipped as a could be. Kagome’s family, especially Kikyou, would smile and turn her questions to another subject. They avoided speaking of what had happened to Kagome and almost seemed to ignore the event in its entirety. They did, however, look to try to remedy Kagome’s current condition with everything they had.
Beneath the table, Miroku have Sango’s hand a reassuring squeeze. Miroku smiled. His demeanor emphasized the idea that Kagome would be alright, and Sango wanted to believe in him with all she was worth.
Kikyou had gone a way a little while ago, carrying a plate of food to her room. No one questioned her leaving.
Shippou suddenly appeared in the doorway. Sango turned questioning eyes to the teen, but Shippou just shook his head. “Kagome‘s in bed now. It‘s best to not disturb her.” Shippou replied in answer to the unspoken question the occupants of the room had all thought. “I need to talk to Taisho-san.” He said with a sharpness that was surprising in his young voice.
Sesshoumaru turned his head slowly to face the Akatsune. “We’ll go outside.” He said after a moment.
Shippou nodded and proceeded out the backdoor of the kitchen.
“When did the little brat get so bossy.” Inuyasha muttered, lacking any of the teasing manner which normally accompanied his jeers directed toward Shippou. The red-head gave a half-hearted smile at hearing it. Inuyasha tried, but he had absolutely no skill in hiding his emotions. They were all worried over Kagome.
“This won’t take long.” Shippou said quietly in passing the younger Taisho.
Inuyasha grunted and crossed his arms, but he did not leave the room.
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Slowly, grey-eyes blinked in the coming darkness. Kagome sat up, the covers falling from her body. She couldn’t sleep, not here. She stood and walked to her window, drawing back the curtain. She gasped as a familiar white head was making its way across the shrine grounds.
Kagome sat back down onto her bed. She had to apologize. Slipping from her bed, she padded to the door and silently made her way downstairs, the voices still ringing in her ears. She made it to the door without being noticed and opened it before the man on the other side could knock. Bowing deeply, she greeted him. “Welcome Taisho-san.”
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“Taisho-san.” Shippou spoke crisply to Sesshoumaru. He didn’t want to say anything more than required in order to make his point. “I don’t know what you said to Kagome, but it’s clear that you’re only harming her. We’re leaving tomorrow. I think it’s best if you cease to have contact with her altogether.”
Sesshoumaru’s eyes narrowed. “Child,” he hissed, “you will not tell this Sesshoumaru what to do.” Sesshoumaru was angry. He was angry at many things, but mostly at himself. He had always considered himself an honorable man. He was calculating, but honorable. He would never do anything that would taint his name. He was proven wrong four years ago. Now the wound had been ripped open and salt was being rubbed in mercilessly, and it infuriated him. Why not allow the child to stoke the fires of his own self-loathing.
Shippou stared incredulous at the man. Did he not hear him clearly or was the man really that full of himself. “Listen Sesshoumaru! All you’re doing is hurting Kagome! You many not see it, but I do! Stay AWAY FROM HER!!!” His last words came out as a yell.
Sesshoumaru took a step forward, his eyes nothing more than molten slits. “Do not tell me what I can and cannot do, or you will regret it.” He said, his voice dangerously low.
Shippou curled a lip. “Really,” he said liltingly. “Because it seems to me, that you have done more things to regret than I have. Maybe, you just can’t admit that you’re wrong.” He said sharply.
Sesshoumaru’s mind flashed back to when Kagome had run down the steps. His heart had stopped as he saw her feet fly over the curb. All the blood in his body froze and a single thought rang through his mind, “I can’t save her.”
It was true, he had been responsible for Kagome’s pain, and it hurt him. Seeing her cringe every time she heard his voice, or even the mention of his name made him feel hollow inside. He wanted nothing more than to run up to her and beg and grovel at her feet for forgiveness. Two things held him back. One was his own pride. The other was the fear that she wouldn’t forgive him, that she would continue to hate and fear him for the rest of her life. If that were the case, he didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want to know that he had hurt her so horribly, that even her infinitely kind heart had rejected him.
His own fear of rejection, his distrust of her, had been his own downfall. He couldn’t look back with his head held high. It was disgraceful, and all he could blame was himself.
“She wasn’t supposed to break.” He murmured more to himself than for Shippou, but the other boy heard.
Shippou scoffed. “‘Wasn’t supposed to break’? Who are you kidding. That was your intention. But you just didn’t realize that it wasn’t what you wanted until far too late.” His emerald eyes glittering with a light akin to malice, he glared at Sesshoumaru. “Face it, you were wrong, and you’ve done something unforgivable.”
“I want for her to here me out.” Sesshoumaru said quietly. “I want to tell her that…I still…”
Shippou’s eyes widened.
“I lo-”
“SHUT UP!!” Shippou roared. “You have no right to say that. Don’t say it! You can’t, you heartless bastard! I hate you! I hate you!” Shippou was screaming childishly now. It wasn’t fair! He knew better than anyone else that Kagome couldn’t hate Sesshoumaru. He was the person who could never be wrong in her mind. It pained him to know that after everything that had happened, Kagome still loved Sesshoumaru and that she thought that she was the one who needed to be forgiven.
Sesshoumaru didn’t deserve Kagome’s love. His okaa-san was kind and pure and perfect, and Sesshoumaru had destroyed her simply because he couldn’t understand her unconditional love. He needed to be punished. If he spoke to Kagome, he would find redemption too easily. HE needed to live with the guilt of knowing what HE had done, to know the extent of the damage HE had caused.
Close to tears, Shippou was trembling with his own rage. The idiotic man still didn’t understand. All Sesshoumaru knew was that he was hurting because of his own guilt, and he was trying to ease his own pain. He didn’t understand that Kagome was more important! It was KAGOME who had suffered the most!
Tears dripped hotly down his face as Shippou’s emerald gaze met gold. “You don’t understand. You still put yourself before anyone else, don’t you, Sesshoumaru. You don’t deserve Kagome’s forgiveness, or her love. And I hate you all the more, because you already have both.” He bowed his head in the polite gesture, but without any meaning, and stepped away, moving back into the house.
Shippou left the elder Taisho stunned in the Higurashis’ backyard. He needed to get Kagome away from him as soon as possible. Sesshoumaru was still a threat to Kagome’s heart.
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Touga was a little surprised as the door opened before he could raise a hand to knock on the door. He was even more surprised to see who was on the other side.
“Welcome Taisho-san.” She spoke so softly and with a slight rasp, it sounded like a light breeze over dried leaves. It was nothing like the soothing musical voice she had once possessed.
Inclining his head slightly he stared at her with slightly widened eyes. “Thank you.” He replied.
He stepped in as she stepped back to allow him entry, never taking his eyes off of the woman. She was so pale and thin. It was shocking to remember what she had looked like before. The Kagome he remembered had been charming and full of life. Now she old beyond years and almost wizened. He scowled mentally.
He had known that Sesshoumaru had not treated her properly, but what he had to have done to have completely defeated Kagome’s spirit must have been atrocious. He would have to get the full story from his eldest son later. At the moment, he had been unable to contact Sesshoumaru and didn‘t know where he was. His eldest had his cell phone turned off and secretary had been out to a late lunch when he called the office.
When he had first heard of the breaking of the engagement, Touga had figured that perhaps Kagome had tired of Sesshoumaru’s poor attitude, but when she disappeared, he had worried. It never occurred to him to demand the full explanation from Sesshoumaru, for he had trusted his son to have acted honorably. Apparently it had not been the case, and now he regretted his decision.
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Kagome led the former Taisho CEO into the living room and moved to scuttle away when she was stopped by a gentle hand on her shoulder. She looked up to meet a soft golden gaze.
“Please sit down, Kagome. I’d like to speak with you.” Touga said as gently as possible. It seemed to him that Kagome wanted nothing more than to flee his presence like a timid animal. He felt Kagome stiffen under his hand and he frowned inwardly. Obviously there had been many things Sesshoumaru had neglected to tell him. Something was terribly wrong with Kagome.
Slightly tightening his grasp, Touga steered the girl toward the couch and made her take a seat. He sat across from her and gazed at her with a paternal affection. Smiling warmly he leaned back. “How have you been, Kagome?”
Kagome sat stiffly, her knees together and her hands folded in her lap. Her head was bowed and she refused to meet the Taisho’s gaze, preferring instead to study the fabric of the brown pants she wore. “I’ve been alright.” She answered softly after a moment.
Touga frowned openly now. It wasn’t right. In the past he had witnessed cases of trauma from abuse, and Kagome was showing all the signs of it. The once bright and happy girl he had known had been broken. “Kagome, are you sure you’ve been alright? You can tell me.”
Kagome nodded silently.
A moment of uncomfortable silence passed. Touga had become pissed beyond all reason. If Sesshoumaru had indeed done this to her, he was in dire need of having a “chat” with his eldest. He had been told that Kagome had broken the engagement and run away. He now discovered that he had been left out of a rather large loop. Sakuya, he knew, had a reason for not telling him, she didn’t want him to worry. His sons however, he had expected to be notified if something such as a travesty had occurred.
So wrapped up was he in his thoughts that when Kagome had suddenly slid from the couch and bowed before him, he was taken aback.
Kagome was kneeled on the floor, her forehead pressed against the carpet. “Please forgive my disappointment to you, Taisho-san. I never meant to have been so useless to you. I was the one to break the engagement.” She said in her soft rasp, her voice muffled by the carpet.
Touga stared in shock at the girl, a noise like a choked sound escaping him. Closing his gold eyes, he steeled himself with a few deep breaths.
Kagome didn’t move. If anything, Taisho-san seem displeased with her. She had just made him angry, she thought bitterly. Why couldn’t she do anything right. Biting her lower lip and clenching her eyes shut to fight back the tears, Kagome tried to withdraw. She wanted to run back to her room and lock herself inside.
Once again, a hand on her shoulder stopped her flight. Kagome cringed. He was going to hit her. She tried to curl up to make herself as small as possible.
“Kagome,” Touga said gently, “who else is at the house.”
Kagome hesitated, then began to list everyone who was currently there, minus her son. Surely, if she had mentioned Hoshimaru, Taisho-san would take him away. She wasn’t ready to part with her son just yet. She was being selfish but she couldn’t help it. She loved Hoshimaru with every part of her being, and he had yet to learn to hate her. She couldn’t bear the thought of him realizing how useless she was and despising her. So she would part with him when he was ready, but not yet. She just wanted to keep him a little longer.
Touga’s jaw clenched at the mention of his eldest. So, Sesshoumaru was at the shrine as well. It was surprising to learn of how many people were at the shrine, but he had figured that Sakuya had invited them in order to celebrate Kagome’s return.
He looked down when he felt tremors under his hand. Kagome was shaking. He realized instantly that she thought he was mad at her. Quickly, he knelt and tried to assuage her thoughts of him. He wasn’t mad at her, but rather at someone who deserved his anger.
“Away, you useless bitch! I won’t have you messing things up here!”
“Traitorous whore!”
“You don’t belong here!”
Kagome gasped. The voices were unbearable. Her head jerked up, eyes wild. All that registered in her mind was that silver hair and golden eyes were a threat to her. She shot up and pressed herself against a wall.
“Kagome, please calm down. I’m not going to hurt you.”
Lies! Her mind was screaming at her. He said that. He said it before. He lied! He lied!
Touga was trying his best to reassure the girl of his intentions, but her eyes were wild and uncomprehending. Her mind had relapsed.
He reached out a hand, with the way her body was splayed against the wall, he knew she was on the verge of panic. He needed to calm her down before she hurt herself.
“It hurts doesn’t it? But you deserve it.”
“You’re worthless.”
“I would never have thought that once I thought I lov-”
“DON’T SAY IT!” Kagome shrieked, clapping her hands over her ears. The voices were merciless and scathing. She felt like she was being shredded from the inside. The pain was sharp and burning and she could feel that each time the voices spoke to her, a blade was cutting deeper into her flesh. At one time she had welcomed to feel of the cold metal biting into her skin, but now, she felt like she was fading. The images in her mind blurred until it became pitch black. Kagome fainted.
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At the sound of Kagome’s shriek the occupants of the house came bolting towards her. Inuyasha, Sango, and Miroku appeared quickly as they had not left the kitchen. Shippou and Sesshoumaru appeared a few moments later. Kikyou stood at the top of the stairs, but did not descend. She was still keeping an eye on Hoshimaru, who had miraculously fallen asleep once more.
“Tou-san?!” Inuyasha yelped in surprise. His expression drooped for a moment, a reaction of seeing his father so suddenly since as a child he often got into trouble. He straightened immediately though, upon seeing Kagome’s unconscious form being held by his father. “What happened?” He demanded angrily, his brash personality taking over.
“She fainted.” Touga replied curtly to his youngest. He was still angry over the fact that his sons would try and hide something like this from him. “Though I would like to know why she would have fainted in the first place. Is there anything anyone would like to tell me?” He intoned in the dangerous, yet innocent sounding question only a parent could pose.
No one said a word. The intimidation ability of the older Taisho spoke volumes. They didn’t need to say anything as the power of the “parent” had been established.
Shippou was the first to move. “Let me take her to her room.” He said to the older man.
Touga stared at the young man. Could he have been the red-headed whelp Kagome had cared for in her younger years. It seemed that the girl had more power than he had realized for he recognized Shippou to be the Akatsune head.
“Akatsune-san, I am surprised to see you here.”
“No need to be surprised, Taisho-san, as Kagome is my okaa-san.” Shippou smirked openly. He respected Taisho Touga as both a powerful businessman and a good paternal figure. It was the eldest son of the Taisho’s and him alone that he disliked.
Touga nodded and handed the unconscious woman to the young man. Unseen by all, Sesshoumaru’s hands twitched and curled into fists at his sides. They were itching with want. He wanted to be the one holding Kagome, and he couldn’t. He knew that at this point in time, Shippou, nor even his father, would allow him to touch the girl. He could tell by the look on his father’s face that he was angry, if not infuriated. So, his father had figured out what had happened, a detached part of his mind mused.
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After Kagome had been taken to her room, everyone else settled in the living room. Inuyasha sat with Sango and Miroku on the couch, while Touga and Sesshoumaru stood stiffly across from each other. An uncomfortable silence filled the room. The tension in the air was palatable and Sango and Miroku shifted in unease. Apparently, the Taisho sons were quite familiar with the ire of their father and were able to withstand it with much more ease than mere mortals such as they.
“Keh!” Inuyasha turned his head away. “If you’re gonna yell at us, just make it quick instead of standin’ around ‘n’ makin’ us all nervous.”
The sarcastic comment earned him a glare from his father. “Quiet Inuyasha, I shall deal with you in a moment.” He said in a tone perfected through parental experience and brooking no argument. Touga turned his full attention to his eldest son. “I believe there is something we need to discuss.”
Without turning to face his father, Sesshoumaru nonchalantly crossed his arms. “I believe that is a matter between Kagome and I, alone.” He replied in a tone mirroring that of the elder Taisho.
Touga glared at his eldest. “We will discuss this now.” He spoke with a tone of finality, and turned to leave, expecting his eldest to follow.
Sesshoumaru walked after his father, albeit reluctantly. When his father demanded a point, it was best to follow his wishes. Taisho Touga was not a person to be toyed around with, he knew this from personal experience. Unconsciously grimacing in remembrance of the authority his father had held over him as a child, and still currently held over him as an adult, Sesshoumaru followed his father into the next room.
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Upstairs, Shippou had gently tucked his okaa-san into bed. He sat on the edge and gingerly brushed away some loose ebony strands from his mother’s face. “I’m sorry, mama. I only wanted you to get better.” He apologized softly. “When this is over, I’ll take you back, and you can hide all you want, just get better. I promise I won’t let anything bad happen to you, and I won’t talk you into anything you aren’t ready for.” He vowed.
Refusing to let his apologetic tears fall, he bent over and gave his mama an affectionate kiss on the forehead, reminiscent of what she had given to him as a child. He watched his unconscious mother for a few minutes. She looked so peaceful at times when she was asleep. However, he knew that soon, Kagome would most likely be experiencing nightmares of the situation he wished she could forget.
Kagome had been scarred mentally and physically, and it hurt him to know that there was so much he could have done to protect her from that damage. If only he had paid her a little bit more attention, he would have seen how she truly lived. He could have saved her or even prevented it from ever happening. His fingers gripped and twisted the bed sheets in his fists in his unconscious rage.
“It’s not your fault.” A voice said softly from the doorway.
Shippou, surprised, looked up into the calm face of his adoptive aunt.
“There wasn’t anything any one of us could really have done. You can’t keep blaming yourself.” Kikyou continued quietly. She padded over to where Shippou was, sitting beside him and gazing onto the unconscious face of her dear little sister.
Shippou gave a wry smile. His fists relaxed and Kikyou gingerly straightened the sheets. “Are you talking to me or you?” He asked sardonically.
Smiling weakly in return, Kikyou replied. “Both.”
Turning his head to the side to scan the room, Shippou noted that Hoshimaru was no longer in the room.
“He’s in my room.” Kikyou said, answering Shippou’s silent question. “Sleeping again.” She added with a gentle smile.
Shippou allowed a brief chuckle to escape his lips. “Yeah, he does like to sleep. Me ‘n’ mama call it ‘hibernation’. That kid can sleep like the dead.” The grin faded from his lips as he saw Kikyou’s expression harden. She stared at him through intensely questioning eyes. Suddenly intimidated by the abrupt change, the young CEO’s own expression sobered immediately.
“So, you’ve known where Kagome has been this whole time.” Kikyou said slowly. She wasn’t accusing him, but merely stating the facts.
Realizing that he had let himself slip, Shippou bowed his head slightly. He turned to look back onto the face of his sleeping okaa-san. “It was her wish.” He replied after a moment. “I would do anything to make her happy.” He said resolutely. “She needed time. I tried to give her what she wanted.” He spun to face Kikyou again. “I watched over her.” He said, and in his silent zeal, Kikyou knew what the boy had meant.
Closing her own eyes slowly, Kikyou withdrew from the bed, her own head tilted downward. Kagome had tried hurting herself. She had been there when Shippou had first brought Kagome back from Sesshoumaru’s home. She had seen the unadulterated condition in which Kagome had been left. The image would always be branded into her mind’s eye. As much as she was a caring person herself, Kikyou found that she could not find it in her heart to fully forgive Sesshoumaru.
She had rushed to hide Kagome from their mother’s worried eyes. She had cleaned Kagome’s wounds and changed her clothing, but her sister’s empty eyes…hastily, Kikyou clenched her own eyes shut. Kagome had gazed blankly at nothing, and her haunting eyes could only convey the deep feeling of loss to whomever had looked into them. Kikyou had shielded the rest of the family from seeing Kagome completely broken. Her own empathic nature had brought her to the deepest depths of anguish by simply looking on her once cheerful little sister.
At that time, had anyone else gazed onto the broken and desolate form of Kagome, they would only have felt the most genuine form of despair.
“I see.” Kikyou said simply. She wouldn’t have to say anything more to Shippou. She understood fully the task of which the boy had burdened himself. She embraced the young man in a warm hug. “Thank you so much Shippou-chan. I won’t tell the others. Just take care of yourself and them.” She knew that they would most likely be gone by morning. This was her last chance to say good-bye without alerting the others. “Please, try to keep in contact somehow. I promise I’ll do all I can to help.” With that, the shrine maiden stood tall, and strode out of the room.
Shippou’s emerald eyes followed her as he sat unmoving, his shirt damp from the woman’s silent tears.
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Sesshoumaru and his father were standing where he had stood with Akatsune mere moments earlier. The two Taishos simply stared each other down, Sesshoumaru being the first to relent. He realized that he no longer possessed the right to fight against his father’s word, or the word of any one else in his family or the Higurashi’s.
Touga’s eyes narrowed as he watched his son avert his gaze. Sesshoumaru was never one to back down from any challenge, and to have conceded so quickly, he must have done something which had disgraced him utterly. “I would like for you to explain to me what happened.” He intoned, his voice void of emotion.
“I cannot.” Sesshoumaru replied, his eyes shadowed by his bangs. “If you wish to discuss it further, ask the Higurashis, or ask Akatsune, but do not ask me.”
“You are the one I am asking. I will not go to the others. This is a completely private affair, and I would like to have your side of it.” Touga said coldly. It was not like Sesshoumaru to avoid a confrontation. His eldest would normally take it head on, in a calculating, yet still reckless manner. Sesshoumaru was absolutely merciless when it came to competition, it was one of his finer points in being a successful businessman.
Sesshoumaru stood wordlessly. After a moment, he raised his eyes to meet his father’s once more. “I erred.” He said and moved to walk back into the house. He did not need to stand on shrine grounds and rehash his past with his father. He wanted to correct his mistakes.
“Renew the engagement.”
Sesshoumaru almost tripped over his own feet. He turned wide, shocked eyes to his father. Before he could reply, he heard an equally shocked gasp from behind him, followed by the sound of falling objects. He spun on his heel to see Higurashi-san and her son staring at them as if they were demons. Bags of groceries surrounded their feet, the contents of which had spilled all over the ground.
“Taisho-san…” Sakuya gasped, tears threatening to fall down her cheeks.
Souta’s face was bright red in anger, but he held himself still and silent. It wasn’t his place to yell, shout, and make a scene. Only his mother could speak to Taisho-san so easily, and he knew it. He bent quickly to gather to fallen groceries and carried them inside.
“Sakuya!” Touga started. He moved forward quickly, holding the woman still before she could flee into the house, for it looked as if she would try to lock them out. “It’s for the best, believe me,” he tried to reassure her.
“My baby, my poor baby. I won’t let her be hurt again.” Sakuya stared up into the Taisho’s golden orbs. “I can’t let her get hurt again. I’m so sorry, but I have to stop it. I won’t let her marry…” She trailed off, but her eyes were on Sesshoumaru.
Looking and feeling out of place, the Taisho leader tilted his head in curt nod. He knew the feelings the Higurashi family harbored toward him, but he had tried to not allow it interfere with his own affairs. He would straighten things out on his own way. If they looked down upon him or if they hated him, he cared not. It was his business what he did, and it was his own business of which he would take care of by himself.
“I understand.” Sesshoumaru said coldly, barely regarding the two adults. He strode inside the house purposefully and left the adults alone to try to re-plan out their lives. He had waited long enough. It seemed as if he had spoken with everyone in the household except the one he had really wanted to speak with. He would take care of it now. Kagome had to listen to him. If she didn’t…a sharp cold feeling tightened in his chest. He shook it off. He needed to see Kagome. She was the only one who would understand. It was meaningless to explain to anyone else.
-:- -:- -:-
Souta was still in the kitchen, unpacking the groceries when Sesshoumaru walked past. He and his mother had gone out shopping to stock up for the week. Inuyasha had been sent back early from the shopping trip after he had filled too many shopping baskets with ramen. The younger Taisho did not seem to understand that ramen was not a staple food for all people. Though, Souta himself would confess to living off that stuff in his dorm, not that his mother knew that.
Souta ignored the man and continued unpacking the groceries and putting them away. He could only hope that the cold-hearted bastard was leaving and that his mother was talking Taisho-san out of another disaster. It hurt to know how useless he was, and he was technically the “man of the house.” He couldn’t even protect his sister when she needed it the most. So he would do what he could now, which was, unfortunately, staying calm, staying silent, and putting away groceries. It was all he could do, he thought bitterly.
-:- -:- -:-
No one saw Sesshoumaru ascend the stairs. They were each lost in their own thoughts and worries, all revolving around a single girl who had touched them all deeply.
-:- -:- -:-
Sesshoumaru, remembering the layout of the home easily, found Kagome’s room. He turned the knob slowly, pleased to find it unlocked. He eased the door open, as to not make a sound. A shaft of light from the hallway pierced the darkened room not three feet, but Sesshoumaru’s sharp eyes could make out the silhouettes in the room easily. He saw Kagome lying in bed against the far wall beneath a window. He slipped inside soundlessly and closed the door behind him.
He was surprised as Kagome shifted and sat up in bed.
-:- -:- -:-
Kagome stirred in her bed. She had been half-aware of when she felt a weight shift on her bed and Shippou leaning down to give her a final kiss goodnight before leaving. Then she remained still on the bed, unsure of what to do. When she saw the door open again, she assumed Shippou had come back, and rose to greet him.
Her eyes widened. He was here. Why? Why was he in her room? What had she done now? Her breath quickened as her body tensed. She clenched the sheets in her hands and brought them up in a flimsy barrier to hide from him.
Sesshoumaru frowned at her reaction. She looked like a frightened rabbit with no place to run. He wanted to comfort her. He wanted to ease her pain so badly, but he knew that at the moment, he was the problem. It was a problem he would soon rectify. He crossed to room in easy strides, kneeling before her tense frame and panicked eyes.
“Kagome.” He said in a voice so soft he could barely hear it himself.
She didn’t reply. He hadn’t expected her to.
“Please relax. I just want to talk.” Sesshoumaru said, his eyes begging for her to comply.
Kagome shivered. She didn’t understand. “I tried…” She whimpered. “I went away. I stayed away. I didn’t think you would be here.” She brought the covers up to her nose, hiding her eyes with her bangs. She didn’t want him to see her shame.
Sesshoumaru felt his heart drop. “No.” He breathed. “I take it all back. I would take everything back if I could. Just look at me.” His voice was controlled, but his eyes were pleading with her. Kagome didn’t move. She didn’t look up. She didn’t turn to face him.
Impatient, Sesshoumaru tore the blankets from her weak grasp. “Kagome, please.”
Kagome yelped as she felt the covers being pulled from her. She trembled and scooted back on her bed, inadvertently cornering herself as she tried to avoid his intense gaze.
Sesshoumaru pressed forward as he watched her move back. He reached to take her hand. “I-”
“Never touch me! I don’t want your filth on me.”
Kagome flinched and fell back. She pulled her arms toward her chest and hunched over.
This was getting him no where. He couldn’t have her shaking in fear whenever he tried to approach her. It was his fault, but he was trying to fix it, dammit! Sesshoumaru’s form surged forward, and before Kagome could utter a frightened yelp, she found herself tightly encircled by a pair of strong arms. She was crushed to the other’s hard form and was effectively immobilized. She froze, her body going completely rigid.
Sesshoumaru held the girl tightly. She felt so right in his arms. If he had his choice, he would shackle her to him permanently and never let her out of his sight again. His actions had caused him nothing but the horrible sense of guilt, regret, and loss. He wanted her to be with him, always. He bent his head to the top of hers and sniffed lightly. No matter what, Kagome had always smelled so nice, and even still she carried with her the gentle scent that could only be Kagome.
She was frail and thin. He could feel her thinness pressed against him. The bones were too prominent in her frame. He was pained at the thought of her starving herself. She was pale and her pallor was that of and ill or dying person, but she still managed to glow, almost ethereally. He admitted to himself that Kagome would always be beautiful in his eyes, no matter what.
Sesshoumaru waited for Kagome to relax. He wouldn’t loosen his hold on her until he felt her own body ease. Her shallow breathing worried him, but he knew that he wasn’t holding her tightly enough to suffocate her. It was her own panic that caused her erratic breaths.
“Please listen to me.” Sesshoumaru whispered into her hair. “Just relax. I only want to talk.”
Eventually, Kagome’s body slackened in his hold. Though it was not because she felt more at ease in his presence, but rather that her weakened body had fatigued and she now lay limp in his grasp.
“Let me go.” Kagome begged hoarsely. “Please.”
Undeniably hurt, but not allowing it to show, Sesshoumaru released his hold completely. Kagome slid onto her bed and slouched on the edge. Sesshoumaru moved back on the edge to sit beside her, not near enough to be in contact with her, but close enough to touch.
The two sat in silence. Kagome stared at the ground. Sesshoumaru’s gaze focused on Kagome, watching her unwaveringly. Kagome stood abruptly. Keeping her eyes shielded from him, she bowed low. “I’m sorry for disturbing you. I’ll take my leave.” She said, as if she had been the one intruding.
“No.” Sesshoumaru stopped her. “You won’t leave. Not until I’ve had my say.” He reached out and grasped her hand, easing her back to the bed. “Just listen. I don’t have much to say. I can’t explain myself like I thought I could.” He began, unsure of how to continue. He knew what he had wanted to do, to say to her, but now, he couldn’t find the right words. He reflected over what had happened during the course of the day and he struck upon something he wished to speak with her about. “Your son made something quite clear to me today.”
Kagome stiffened at the mention of her son before she realized that he had meant Shippou and not Hoshimaru.
“He had told me that you had forgiven my transgressions.” He continued, not noticing her sudden fear at his mentioning of her son. “My actions were beyond unforgivable, and I cannot ask you to forgive them. But I would like to move from that and I ask you what I can do to make it up to you.”
Kagome stood completely still. “What…else did Shippou tell you?”
Sesshoumaru hesitated. “He said that you still loved me.” He answered straight-forward in an attempt to hide the rapid beating of his own heart. The sudden fear and apprehension which flooded him surprised him. He was panicking over her reaction. It had meant more to him than he had realized. She was everything to him at that moment.
Kagome was silent. She did still love him. She knew she shouldn’t love him, she didn‘t deserve to, but she couldn’t help it. She would always love him. Not knowing how to respond, she stiffened in fear of what he expected from her. What did he want her to say? Would he hurt her again? She hunched over, unconsciously trying to hide from his gaze. “Wh-what do you want?” She asked tremulously.
He looked at her sadly. She was so afraid of him, so completely terrified. ‘I want you to love me,’ he thought. “Forgive me?” He said quietly.
She paused, seeming to have come to a decision. Kagome’s hand slipped lifelessly from his own hand. Ever so slowly, as if she were moving through tar, Kagome brought her hands up to her coarse brown sweater. She clasped the bottom hem and brought it up, revealing her pale white flesh to his eyes.
“What are you doing?” Sesshoumaru asked, alarmed.
Not answering him, Kagome removed her shirt and stood with only a bra to cover her chest. Sesshoumaru’s eyes widened in horror as he stared at her body. Kagome was thin, thinner than anyone had realized. Her baggy clothing hid almost everything from everybody. Her ribs shown clearly through her skin. Her stomach had a wholly hollow look, and Sesshoumaru was sure that if Kagome had turned around, he would be able to make out the individual vertebrae of her spine.
The most surprising thing about her body though, were the scars. Lines crisscrossed her sides and back. Long, jagged, and star-shaped scars covered her body. It seemed only her stomach was untouched. What was worse, were her arms. On her inner forearms, innumerable lines were drawn. Some were neat parallel lines running across her wrist. There were more sinister lines flowing down her arm, following the veins. Kagome held her arms out to him so Sesshoumaru could see clearly.
She had tried to kill herself, Sesshoumaru realized in a dazed sense of shock and mortification. “I…” He couldn’t say anything. What could he possibly say to the woman he loved? To the one woman he had hurt so badly as to drive her to try to end her own life.
In a demeanor that was eerily calm compared to her earlier fear, Kagome displayed to Sesshoumaru the fruits of what he had sown and reaped. “I forgive you.” She said softly.
Gold eyes stared incredulous at her. How could anyone forgive the atrocities of which he had caused. He looked up into her face, which she had finally raised to meet his own and all thought came to a screeching halt. All of Kagome’s fears had faded from her expression. Her face was now perfectly calm, almost serene. It was a perfect mirror of what his own face had been five years ago, only her eyes lacked life. She peered back at him through dead eyes. Her milk-white body and damaged flesh displayed to him as she stood still as a statue.
Sesshoumaru couldn’t look away. He deserved it. He would never look away from her again. Grasping her exposed wrists, he drew her to him. She moved as lifelessly and as limply as an empty body would. She didn’t resist him. He almost wished she would fight against, even her trembling in fear was better than this. He had killed something precious inside of her. It was something dear to everyone who knew her. He finally realized he had crushed her unyielding spirit.
Drawing the unresisting girl into his lap, he wrapped his arms securely around her waist. Resting his head on her shoulder, he allowed tears which had not fallen for the whole of his life to slide down his cheeks. He watched as the salty drops landed on Kagome’s arms and slide down to wet her pants. He carefully wrapped her in her bed covers so she would not catch cold, and he held her tightly to him, wishing that somehow, she would get better and that she would regain the spark inside her that was her life.
-:- -:- -:-
-:- -:- -:-
-:- -:- -:-
-:- -:- -:-
-:- -:- -:-
Chapter Five
Kagome sat unmoving on the couch. Her eyes were dull and unresponsive. Around her, Kagome’s friends stood worried. Kagome didn’t seem to notice them.
Shippou kneeled in front of her. He placed a hand on her knee and stared up into her pale face. “Okaa-san?” He received no response. “Okaa-san.” He tried again. “Are you alright? We’re all worried about you, okaa-san.”
Slowly Kagome blinked. She couldn’t comprehend what her son was saying to her, but one point had made itself clear, the voices were back.
“Shut up! I don’t want to hear your idiotic voice!”
“You useless bitch, what do you think you are doing?”
“Get away from me, wench!”
Kagome recoiled, curling up and shying away from everyone in the room.
“Kaa-san?!” Shippou’s eyes widened. He had only seen Kagome like this one time before, and it wasn’t an experience he was eager to relive. “Everyone out of the room!” He shouted. He would be the one to deal with it, and him alone. As the others hesitated, Shippou gritted his teeth and stood up. “Out, now.” He menaced.
Out of the corner of his eye, Shippou could see Kagome flinch at his tone. He cursed inwardly. Kneeling in front her once more, Shippou rested his palms on the couch cushions on either side of her. “Okaa-san,” he said softly. He met her blank gaze steadily with his own, hoping that she would take some reassurance or comfort from his presence. “It’s alright. No one here is going to hurt you. We were just worried. I don’t want you hurting yourself again.”
He ran his fingers through her hair, now mussed from her wild run across the shrine grounds. Shippou sighed. “Okaa-san,” he began again. “You’re supposed to be healing. I never meant for anything bad to happen to you here. I just wanted to show you how much you were missed. Nobody hates you,” he frowned, “despite what you were lead to believe.” He added bitterly.
Shippou’s presence was calming to Kagome, but she seemed unwilling to relax. She wanted desperately to disappear. She didn’t belong at the Higurashi Shrine. She was completely different from everyone at the shrine.
She could never be a successful shrine maiden, like her sister. She could never become a techno head like Souta; who would have known that the thousands of mind-numbing hours her little brother had dedicated in the pursuit of conquering RPGs would have paid off in such a beneficial manner. She would never be able to keep such a happy home as her mother. Even her grandfather could outstrip her in his vast knowledge of ancient lore and feudal era remedies.
Kagome’s frame sagged. She was a disappointment.
“You’re worthless!”
“Insignificant bitch! Don’t tell me what to do!”
“Voice your opinions to someone who cares.”
The voices, they hurt. Each one made her short of breath and she wilted under each one of them. They rang in her ears, not allowing her to forget. Each were spoken to her with such vehemence, that she believed them.
“You’re weak. I don’t want you here.”
They were right. Kagome had realized it a long time ago. The voices were echoing what she was, and what she could not change, but she couldn’t cry anymore.
Shippou was afraid. Kagome had not made a single move, nor had she relaxed her tense body. She had been almost catatonic for an hour. No matter what he did, he couldn’t get her to respond.
“Okaa-san, okaa-san.” He whispered out in a quiet mantra. Nothing was working. He was about to go out and find Kikyou, when Kagome shifted slightly. Suddenly hopeful, Shippou picked up her hand and held it gently in his own. Almost winsomely, he looked at the small pale hand in comparison with his own. She was still so fragile. He had rushed things, he mused sadly to himself. Kagome wasn’t ready to have come back. Sesshoumaru still frightened her and she had not recovered enough to meet him.
Shippou sighed again. He had been wrong. First thing tomorrow morning, he was going to take her back to the cabin. Perhaps by the time Kagome became an aunt, she might be ready, he thought hopefully. In the meantime, he would take her to her room and let her rest there until the next day. He frowned. If anything else, Kagome had relapsed to how he had found her four years ago.
He would have to talk to Sesshoumaru and find out what he said to her. Kagome was in no state to answer his questions.
Silently, the red-headed teen picked up his mother and carried her to her room, tucking her in gently. “Please rest now, okaa-san.” He said softly, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Get better soon, I miss you and I love you very much. I just want you to know that. No one hates you. No one thinks bad thoughts about you. We all just want you to get better and smile like you used to. You had the most beautiful smile, okaa-san.” Shippou closed his eyes holding back the tears which burned his eyelids. “Goodnight mama. I love you.”
-:- -:- -:-
Sesshoumaru sat watching the afternoon sun set through the kitchen window, wordlessly. Inuyasha was stomping back and forth angrily, trying to hold back his rage and yet wanting the strangle answers out of his older brother. Sesshoumaru had not said a word to anyone since Shippou had thrown them out of the living room. When questioned, the man would simply ignore them or glare at the offender until they walked away.
Sango was sitting at the table with Miroku next to her. Miroku had returned after what ever task Mrs. Higurashi had sent him on a few minutes after they had entered the kitchen. They sat silently, waiting for Shippou to allow them to come and talk to Kagome. Sango frowned dejectedly. It seemed that she was totally unhelpful in dealing with Kagome.
Sango just wanted to share some of the pain so that Kagome wouldn’t have to hold it all in or bear it all alone, but anyone who knew anything was kept as tight-lipped as a could be. Kagome’s family, especially Kikyou, would smile and turn her questions to another subject. They avoided speaking of what had happened to Kagome and almost seemed to ignore the event in its entirety. They did, however, look to try to remedy Kagome’s current condition with everything they had.
Beneath the table, Miroku have Sango’s hand a reassuring squeeze. Miroku smiled. His demeanor emphasized the idea that Kagome would be alright, and Sango wanted to believe in him with all she was worth.
Kikyou had gone a way a little while ago, carrying a plate of food to her room. No one questioned her leaving.
Shippou suddenly appeared in the doorway. Sango turned questioning eyes to the teen, but Shippou just shook his head. “Kagome‘s in bed now. It‘s best to not disturb her.” Shippou replied in answer to the unspoken question the occupants of the room had all thought. “I need to talk to Taisho-san.” He said with a sharpness that was surprising in his young voice.
Sesshoumaru turned his head slowly to face the Akatsune. “We’ll go outside.” He said after a moment.
Shippou nodded and proceeded out the backdoor of the kitchen.
“When did the little brat get so bossy.” Inuyasha muttered, lacking any of the teasing manner which normally accompanied his jeers directed toward Shippou. The red-head gave a half-hearted smile at hearing it. Inuyasha tried, but he had absolutely no skill in hiding his emotions. They were all worried over Kagome.
“This won’t take long.” Shippou said quietly in passing the younger Taisho.
Inuyasha grunted and crossed his arms, but he did not leave the room.
-:- -:- -:-
Slowly, grey-eyes blinked in the coming darkness. Kagome sat up, the covers falling from her body. She couldn’t sleep, not here. She stood and walked to her window, drawing back the curtain. She gasped as a familiar white head was making its way across the shrine grounds.
Kagome sat back down onto her bed. She had to apologize. Slipping from her bed, she padded to the door and silently made her way downstairs, the voices still ringing in her ears. She made it to the door without being noticed and opened it before the man on the other side could knock. Bowing deeply, she greeted him. “Welcome Taisho-san.”
-:- -:- -:-
“Taisho-san.” Shippou spoke crisply to Sesshoumaru. He didn’t want to say anything more than required in order to make his point. “I don’t know what you said to Kagome, but it’s clear that you’re only harming her. We’re leaving tomorrow. I think it’s best if you cease to have contact with her altogether.”
Sesshoumaru’s eyes narrowed. “Child,” he hissed, “you will not tell this Sesshoumaru what to do.” Sesshoumaru was angry. He was angry at many things, but mostly at himself. He had always considered himself an honorable man. He was calculating, but honorable. He would never do anything that would taint his name. He was proven wrong four years ago. Now the wound had been ripped open and salt was being rubbed in mercilessly, and it infuriated him. Why not allow the child to stoke the fires of his own self-loathing.
Shippou stared incredulous at the man. Did he not hear him clearly or was the man really that full of himself. “Listen Sesshoumaru! All you’re doing is hurting Kagome! You many not see it, but I do! Stay AWAY FROM HER!!!” His last words came out as a yell.
Sesshoumaru took a step forward, his eyes nothing more than molten slits. “Do not tell me what I can and cannot do, or you will regret it.” He said, his voice dangerously low.
Shippou curled a lip. “Really,” he said liltingly. “Because it seems to me, that you have done more things to regret than I have. Maybe, you just can’t admit that you’re wrong.” He said sharply.
Sesshoumaru’s mind flashed back to when Kagome had run down the steps. His heart had stopped as he saw her feet fly over the curb. All the blood in his body froze and a single thought rang through his mind, “I can’t save her.”
It was true, he had been responsible for Kagome’s pain, and it hurt him. Seeing her cringe every time she heard his voice, or even the mention of his name made him feel hollow inside. He wanted nothing more than to run up to her and beg and grovel at her feet for forgiveness. Two things held him back. One was his own pride. The other was the fear that she wouldn’t forgive him, that she would continue to hate and fear him for the rest of her life. If that were the case, he didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want to know that he had hurt her so horribly, that even her infinitely kind heart had rejected him.
His own fear of rejection, his distrust of her, had been his own downfall. He couldn’t look back with his head held high. It was disgraceful, and all he could blame was himself.
“She wasn’t supposed to break.” He murmured more to himself than for Shippou, but the other boy heard.
Shippou scoffed. “‘Wasn’t supposed to break’? Who are you kidding. That was your intention. But you just didn’t realize that it wasn’t what you wanted until far too late.” His emerald eyes glittering with a light akin to malice, he glared at Sesshoumaru. “Face it, you were wrong, and you’ve done something unforgivable.”
“I want for her to here me out.” Sesshoumaru said quietly. “I want to tell her that…I still…”
Shippou’s eyes widened.
“I lo-”
“SHUT UP!!” Shippou roared. “You have no right to say that. Don’t say it! You can’t, you heartless bastard! I hate you! I hate you!” Shippou was screaming childishly now. It wasn’t fair! He knew better than anyone else that Kagome couldn’t hate Sesshoumaru. He was the person who could never be wrong in her mind. It pained him to know that after everything that had happened, Kagome still loved Sesshoumaru and that she thought that she was the one who needed to be forgiven.
Sesshoumaru didn’t deserve Kagome’s love. His okaa-san was kind and pure and perfect, and Sesshoumaru had destroyed her simply because he couldn’t understand her unconditional love. He needed to be punished. If he spoke to Kagome, he would find redemption too easily. HE needed to live with the guilt of knowing what HE had done, to know the extent of the damage HE had caused.
Close to tears, Shippou was trembling with his own rage. The idiotic man still didn’t understand. All Sesshoumaru knew was that he was hurting because of his own guilt, and he was trying to ease his own pain. He didn’t understand that Kagome was more important! It was KAGOME who had suffered the most!
Tears dripped hotly down his face as Shippou’s emerald gaze met gold. “You don’t understand. You still put yourself before anyone else, don’t you, Sesshoumaru. You don’t deserve Kagome’s forgiveness, or her love. And I hate you all the more, because you already have both.” He bowed his head in the polite gesture, but without any meaning, and stepped away, moving back into the house.
Shippou left the elder Taisho stunned in the Higurashis’ backyard. He needed to get Kagome away from him as soon as possible. Sesshoumaru was still a threat to Kagome’s heart.
-:- -:- -:-
Touga was a little surprised as the door opened before he could raise a hand to knock on the door. He was even more surprised to see who was on the other side.
“Welcome Taisho-san.” She spoke so softly and with a slight rasp, it sounded like a light breeze over dried leaves. It was nothing like the soothing musical voice she had once possessed.
Inclining his head slightly he stared at her with slightly widened eyes. “Thank you.” He replied.
He stepped in as she stepped back to allow him entry, never taking his eyes off of the woman. She was so pale and thin. It was shocking to remember what she had looked like before. The Kagome he remembered had been charming and full of life. Now she old beyond years and almost wizened. He scowled mentally.
He had known that Sesshoumaru had not treated her properly, but what he had to have done to have completely defeated Kagome’s spirit must have been atrocious. He would have to get the full story from his eldest son later. At the moment, he had been unable to contact Sesshoumaru and didn‘t know where he was. His eldest had his cell phone turned off and secretary had been out to a late lunch when he called the office.
When he had first heard of the breaking of the engagement, Touga had figured that perhaps Kagome had tired of Sesshoumaru’s poor attitude, but when she disappeared, he had worried. It never occurred to him to demand the full explanation from Sesshoumaru, for he had trusted his son to have acted honorably. Apparently it had not been the case, and now he regretted his decision.
-:- -:- -:-
Kagome led the former Taisho CEO into the living room and moved to scuttle away when she was stopped by a gentle hand on her shoulder. She looked up to meet a soft golden gaze.
“Please sit down, Kagome. I’d like to speak with you.” Touga said as gently as possible. It seemed to him that Kagome wanted nothing more than to flee his presence like a timid animal. He felt Kagome stiffen under his hand and he frowned inwardly. Obviously there had been many things Sesshoumaru had neglected to tell him. Something was terribly wrong with Kagome.
Slightly tightening his grasp, Touga steered the girl toward the couch and made her take a seat. He sat across from her and gazed at her with a paternal affection. Smiling warmly he leaned back. “How have you been, Kagome?”
Kagome sat stiffly, her knees together and her hands folded in her lap. Her head was bowed and she refused to meet the Taisho’s gaze, preferring instead to study the fabric of the brown pants she wore. “I’ve been alright.” She answered softly after a moment.
Touga frowned openly now. It wasn’t right. In the past he had witnessed cases of trauma from abuse, and Kagome was showing all the signs of it. The once bright and happy girl he had known had been broken. “Kagome, are you sure you’ve been alright? You can tell me.”
Kagome nodded silently.
A moment of uncomfortable silence passed. Touga had become pissed beyond all reason. If Sesshoumaru had indeed done this to her, he was in dire need of having a “chat” with his eldest. He had been told that Kagome had broken the engagement and run away. He now discovered that he had been left out of a rather large loop. Sakuya, he knew, had a reason for not telling him, she didn’t want him to worry. His sons however, he had expected to be notified if something such as a travesty had occurred.
So wrapped up was he in his thoughts that when Kagome had suddenly slid from the couch and bowed before him, he was taken aback.
Kagome was kneeled on the floor, her forehead pressed against the carpet. “Please forgive my disappointment to you, Taisho-san. I never meant to have been so useless to you. I was the one to break the engagement.” She said in her soft rasp, her voice muffled by the carpet.
Touga stared in shock at the girl, a noise like a choked sound escaping him. Closing his gold eyes, he steeled himself with a few deep breaths.
Kagome didn’t move. If anything, Taisho-san seem displeased with her. She had just made him angry, she thought bitterly. Why couldn’t she do anything right. Biting her lower lip and clenching her eyes shut to fight back the tears, Kagome tried to withdraw. She wanted to run back to her room and lock herself inside.
Once again, a hand on her shoulder stopped her flight. Kagome cringed. He was going to hit her. She tried to curl up to make herself as small as possible.
“Kagome,” Touga said gently, “who else is at the house.”
Kagome hesitated, then began to list everyone who was currently there, minus her son. Surely, if she had mentioned Hoshimaru, Taisho-san would take him away. She wasn’t ready to part with her son just yet. She was being selfish but she couldn’t help it. She loved Hoshimaru with every part of her being, and he had yet to learn to hate her. She couldn’t bear the thought of him realizing how useless she was and despising her. So she would part with him when he was ready, but not yet. She just wanted to keep him a little longer.
Touga’s jaw clenched at the mention of his eldest. So, Sesshoumaru was at the shrine as well. It was surprising to learn of how many people were at the shrine, but he had figured that Sakuya had invited them in order to celebrate Kagome’s return.
He looked down when he felt tremors under his hand. Kagome was shaking. He realized instantly that she thought he was mad at her. Quickly, he knelt and tried to assuage her thoughts of him. He wasn’t mad at her, but rather at someone who deserved his anger.
“Away, you useless bitch! I won’t have you messing things up here!”
“Traitorous whore!”
“You don’t belong here!”
Kagome gasped. The voices were unbearable. Her head jerked up, eyes wild. All that registered in her mind was that silver hair and golden eyes were a threat to her. She shot up and pressed herself against a wall.
“Kagome, please calm down. I’m not going to hurt you.”
Lies! Her mind was screaming at her. He said that. He said it before. He lied! He lied!
Touga was trying his best to reassure the girl of his intentions, but her eyes were wild and uncomprehending. Her mind had relapsed.
He reached out a hand, with the way her body was splayed against the wall, he knew she was on the verge of panic. He needed to calm her down before she hurt herself.
“It hurts doesn’t it? But you deserve it.”
“You’re worthless.”
“I would never have thought that once I thought I lov-”
“DON’T SAY IT!” Kagome shrieked, clapping her hands over her ears. The voices were merciless and scathing. She felt like she was being shredded from the inside. The pain was sharp and burning and she could feel that each time the voices spoke to her, a blade was cutting deeper into her flesh. At one time she had welcomed to feel of the cold metal biting into her skin, but now, she felt like she was fading. The images in her mind blurred until it became pitch black. Kagome fainted.
-:- -:- -:-
At the sound of Kagome’s shriek the occupants of the house came bolting towards her. Inuyasha, Sango, and Miroku appeared quickly as they had not left the kitchen. Shippou and Sesshoumaru appeared a few moments later. Kikyou stood at the top of the stairs, but did not descend. She was still keeping an eye on Hoshimaru, who had miraculously fallen asleep once more.
“Tou-san?!” Inuyasha yelped in surprise. His expression drooped for a moment, a reaction of seeing his father so suddenly since as a child he often got into trouble. He straightened immediately though, upon seeing Kagome’s unconscious form being held by his father. “What happened?” He demanded angrily, his brash personality taking over.
“She fainted.” Touga replied curtly to his youngest. He was still angry over the fact that his sons would try and hide something like this from him. “Though I would like to know why she would have fainted in the first place. Is there anything anyone would like to tell me?” He intoned in the dangerous, yet innocent sounding question only a parent could pose.
No one said a word. The intimidation ability of the older Taisho spoke volumes. They didn’t need to say anything as the power of the “parent” had been established.
Shippou was the first to move. “Let me take her to her room.” He said to the older man.
Touga stared at the young man. Could he have been the red-headed whelp Kagome had cared for in her younger years. It seemed that the girl had more power than he had realized for he recognized Shippou to be the Akatsune head.
“Akatsune-san, I am surprised to see you here.”
“No need to be surprised, Taisho-san, as Kagome is my okaa-san.” Shippou smirked openly. He respected Taisho Touga as both a powerful businessman and a good paternal figure. It was the eldest son of the Taisho’s and him alone that he disliked.
Touga nodded and handed the unconscious woman to the young man. Unseen by all, Sesshoumaru’s hands twitched and curled into fists at his sides. They were itching with want. He wanted to be the one holding Kagome, and he couldn’t. He knew that at this point in time, Shippou, nor even his father, would allow him to touch the girl. He could tell by the look on his father’s face that he was angry, if not infuriated. So, his father had figured out what had happened, a detached part of his mind mused.
-:- -:- -:-
After Kagome had been taken to her room, everyone else settled in the living room. Inuyasha sat with Sango and Miroku on the couch, while Touga and Sesshoumaru stood stiffly across from each other. An uncomfortable silence filled the room. The tension in the air was palatable and Sango and Miroku shifted in unease. Apparently, the Taisho sons were quite familiar with the ire of their father and were able to withstand it with much more ease than mere mortals such as they.
“Keh!” Inuyasha turned his head away. “If you’re gonna yell at us, just make it quick instead of standin’ around ‘n’ makin’ us all nervous.”
The sarcastic comment earned him a glare from his father. “Quiet Inuyasha, I shall deal with you in a moment.” He said in a tone perfected through parental experience and brooking no argument. Touga turned his full attention to his eldest son. “I believe there is something we need to discuss.”
Without turning to face his father, Sesshoumaru nonchalantly crossed his arms. “I believe that is a matter between Kagome and I, alone.” He replied in a tone mirroring that of the elder Taisho.
Touga glared at his eldest. “We will discuss this now.” He spoke with a tone of finality, and turned to leave, expecting his eldest to follow.
Sesshoumaru walked after his father, albeit reluctantly. When his father demanded a point, it was best to follow his wishes. Taisho Touga was not a person to be toyed around with, he knew this from personal experience. Unconsciously grimacing in remembrance of the authority his father had held over him as a child, and still currently held over him as an adult, Sesshoumaru followed his father into the next room.
-:- -:- -:-
Upstairs, Shippou had gently tucked his okaa-san into bed. He sat on the edge and gingerly brushed away some loose ebony strands from his mother’s face. “I’m sorry, mama. I only wanted you to get better.” He apologized softly. “When this is over, I’ll take you back, and you can hide all you want, just get better. I promise I won’t let anything bad happen to you, and I won’t talk you into anything you aren’t ready for.” He vowed.
Refusing to let his apologetic tears fall, he bent over and gave his mama an affectionate kiss on the forehead, reminiscent of what she had given to him as a child. He watched his unconscious mother for a few minutes. She looked so peaceful at times when she was asleep. However, he knew that soon, Kagome would most likely be experiencing nightmares of the situation he wished she could forget.
Kagome had been scarred mentally and physically, and it hurt him to know that there was so much he could have done to protect her from that damage. If only he had paid her a little bit more attention, he would have seen how she truly lived. He could have saved her or even prevented it from ever happening. His fingers gripped and twisted the bed sheets in his fists in his unconscious rage.
“It’s not your fault.” A voice said softly from the doorway.
Shippou, surprised, looked up into the calm face of his adoptive aunt.
“There wasn’t anything any one of us could really have done. You can’t keep blaming yourself.” Kikyou continued quietly. She padded over to where Shippou was, sitting beside him and gazing onto the unconscious face of her dear little sister.
Shippou gave a wry smile. His fists relaxed and Kikyou gingerly straightened the sheets. “Are you talking to me or you?” He asked sardonically.
Smiling weakly in return, Kikyou replied. “Both.”
Turning his head to the side to scan the room, Shippou noted that Hoshimaru was no longer in the room.
“He’s in my room.” Kikyou said, answering Shippou’s silent question. “Sleeping again.” She added with a gentle smile.
Shippou allowed a brief chuckle to escape his lips. “Yeah, he does like to sleep. Me ‘n’ mama call it ‘hibernation’. That kid can sleep like the dead.” The grin faded from his lips as he saw Kikyou’s expression harden. She stared at him through intensely questioning eyes. Suddenly intimidated by the abrupt change, the young CEO’s own expression sobered immediately.
“So, you’ve known where Kagome has been this whole time.” Kikyou said slowly. She wasn’t accusing him, but merely stating the facts.
Realizing that he had let himself slip, Shippou bowed his head slightly. He turned to look back onto the face of his sleeping okaa-san. “It was her wish.” He replied after a moment. “I would do anything to make her happy.” He said resolutely. “She needed time. I tried to give her what she wanted.” He spun to face Kikyou again. “I watched over her.” He said, and in his silent zeal, Kikyou knew what the boy had meant.
Closing her own eyes slowly, Kikyou withdrew from the bed, her own head tilted downward. Kagome had tried hurting herself. She had been there when Shippou had first brought Kagome back from Sesshoumaru’s home. She had seen the unadulterated condition in which Kagome had been left. The image would always be branded into her mind’s eye. As much as she was a caring person herself, Kikyou found that she could not find it in her heart to fully forgive Sesshoumaru.
She had rushed to hide Kagome from their mother’s worried eyes. She had cleaned Kagome’s wounds and changed her clothing, but her sister’s empty eyes…hastily, Kikyou clenched her own eyes shut. Kagome had gazed blankly at nothing, and her haunting eyes could only convey the deep feeling of loss to whomever had looked into them. Kikyou had shielded the rest of the family from seeing Kagome completely broken. Her own empathic nature had brought her to the deepest depths of anguish by simply looking on her once cheerful little sister.
At that time, had anyone else gazed onto the broken and desolate form of Kagome, they would only have felt the most genuine form of despair.
“I see.” Kikyou said simply. She wouldn’t have to say anything more to Shippou. She understood fully the task of which the boy had burdened himself. She embraced the young man in a warm hug. “Thank you so much Shippou-chan. I won’t tell the others. Just take care of yourself and them.” She knew that they would most likely be gone by morning. This was her last chance to say good-bye without alerting the others. “Please, try to keep in contact somehow. I promise I’ll do all I can to help.” With that, the shrine maiden stood tall, and strode out of the room.
Shippou’s emerald eyes followed her as he sat unmoving, his shirt damp from the woman’s silent tears.
-:- -:- -:-
Sesshoumaru and his father were standing where he had stood with Akatsune mere moments earlier. The two Taishos simply stared each other down, Sesshoumaru being the first to relent. He realized that he no longer possessed the right to fight against his father’s word, or the word of any one else in his family or the Higurashi’s.
Touga’s eyes narrowed as he watched his son avert his gaze. Sesshoumaru was never one to back down from any challenge, and to have conceded so quickly, he must have done something which had disgraced him utterly. “I would like for you to explain to me what happened.” He intoned, his voice void of emotion.
“I cannot.” Sesshoumaru replied, his eyes shadowed by his bangs. “If you wish to discuss it further, ask the Higurashis, or ask Akatsune, but do not ask me.”
“You are the one I am asking. I will not go to the others. This is a completely private affair, and I would like to have your side of it.” Touga said coldly. It was not like Sesshoumaru to avoid a confrontation. His eldest would normally take it head on, in a calculating, yet still reckless manner. Sesshoumaru was absolutely merciless when it came to competition, it was one of his finer points in being a successful businessman.
Sesshoumaru stood wordlessly. After a moment, he raised his eyes to meet his father’s once more. “I erred.” He said and moved to walk back into the house. He did not need to stand on shrine grounds and rehash his past with his father. He wanted to correct his mistakes.
“Renew the engagement.”
Sesshoumaru almost tripped over his own feet. He turned wide, shocked eyes to his father. Before he could reply, he heard an equally shocked gasp from behind him, followed by the sound of falling objects. He spun on his heel to see Higurashi-san and her son staring at them as if they were demons. Bags of groceries surrounded their feet, the contents of which had spilled all over the ground.
“Taisho-san…” Sakuya gasped, tears threatening to fall down her cheeks.
Souta’s face was bright red in anger, but he held himself still and silent. It wasn’t his place to yell, shout, and make a scene. Only his mother could speak to Taisho-san so easily, and he knew it. He bent quickly to gather to fallen groceries and carried them inside.
“Sakuya!” Touga started. He moved forward quickly, holding the woman still before she could flee into the house, for it looked as if she would try to lock them out. “It’s for the best, believe me,” he tried to reassure her.
“My baby, my poor baby. I won’t let her be hurt again.” Sakuya stared up into the Taisho’s golden orbs. “I can’t let her get hurt again. I’m so sorry, but I have to stop it. I won’t let her marry…” She trailed off, but her eyes were on Sesshoumaru.
Looking and feeling out of place, the Taisho leader tilted his head in curt nod. He knew the feelings the Higurashi family harbored toward him, but he had tried to not allow it interfere with his own affairs. He would straighten things out on his own way. If they looked down upon him or if they hated him, he cared not. It was his business what he did, and it was his own business of which he would take care of by himself.
“I understand.” Sesshoumaru said coldly, barely regarding the two adults. He strode inside the house purposefully and left the adults alone to try to re-plan out their lives. He had waited long enough. It seemed as if he had spoken with everyone in the household except the one he had really wanted to speak with. He would take care of it now. Kagome had to listen to him. If she didn’t…a sharp cold feeling tightened in his chest. He shook it off. He needed to see Kagome. She was the only one who would understand. It was meaningless to explain to anyone else.
-:- -:- -:-
Souta was still in the kitchen, unpacking the groceries when Sesshoumaru walked past. He and his mother had gone out shopping to stock up for the week. Inuyasha had been sent back early from the shopping trip after he had filled too many shopping baskets with ramen. The younger Taisho did not seem to understand that ramen was not a staple food for all people. Though, Souta himself would confess to living off that stuff in his dorm, not that his mother knew that.
Souta ignored the man and continued unpacking the groceries and putting them away. He could only hope that the cold-hearted bastard was leaving and that his mother was talking Taisho-san out of another disaster. It hurt to know how useless he was, and he was technically the “man of the house.” He couldn’t even protect his sister when she needed it the most. So he would do what he could now, which was, unfortunately, staying calm, staying silent, and putting away groceries. It was all he could do, he thought bitterly.
-:- -:- -:-
No one saw Sesshoumaru ascend the stairs. They were each lost in their own thoughts and worries, all revolving around a single girl who had touched them all deeply.
-:- -:- -:-
Sesshoumaru, remembering the layout of the home easily, found Kagome’s room. He turned the knob slowly, pleased to find it unlocked. He eased the door open, as to not make a sound. A shaft of light from the hallway pierced the darkened room not three feet, but Sesshoumaru’s sharp eyes could make out the silhouettes in the room easily. He saw Kagome lying in bed against the far wall beneath a window. He slipped inside soundlessly and closed the door behind him.
He was surprised as Kagome shifted and sat up in bed.
-:- -:- -:-
Kagome stirred in her bed. She had been half-aware of when she felt a weight shift on her bed and Shippou leaning down to give her a final kiss goodnight before leaving. Then she remained still on the bed, unsure of what to do. When she saw the door open again, she assumed Shippou had come back, and rose to greet him.
Her eyes widened. He was here. Why? Why was he in her room? What had she done now? Her breath quickened as her body tensed. She clenched the sheets in her hands and brought them up in a flimsy barrier to hide from him.
Sesshoumaru frowned at her reaction. She looked like a frightened rabbit with no place to run. He wanted to comfort her. He wanted to ease her pain so badly, but he knew that at the moment, he was the problem. It was a problem he would soon rectify. He crossed to room in easy strides, kneeling before her tense frame and panicked eyes.
“Kagome.” He said in a voice so soft he could barely hear it himself.
She didn’t reply. He hadn’t expected her to.
“Please relax. I just want to talk.” Sesshoumaru said, his eyes begging for her to comply.
Kagome shivered. She didn’t understand. “I tried…” She whimpered. “I went away. I stayed away. I didn’t think you would be here.” She brought the covers up to her nose, hiding her eyes with her bangs. She didn’t want him to see her shame.
Sesshoumaru felt his heart drop. “No.” He breathed. “I take it all back. I would take everything back if I could. Just look at me.” His voice was controlled, but his eyes were pleading with her. Kagome didn’t move. She didn’t look up. She didn’t turn to face him.
Impatient, Sesshoumaru tore the blankets from her weak grasp. “Kagome, please.”
Kagome yelped as she felt the covers being pulled from her. She trembled and scooted back on her bed, inadvertently cornering herself as she tried to avoid his intense gaze.
Sesshoumaru pressed forward as he watched her move back. He reached to take her hand. “I-”
“Never touch me! I don’t want your filth on me.”
Kagome flinched and fell back. She pulled her arms toward her chest and hunched over.
This was getting him no where. He couldn’t have her shaking in fear whenever he tried to approach her. It was his fault, but he was trying to fix it, dammit! Sesshoumaru’s form surged forward, and before Kagome could utter a frightened yelp, she found herself tightly encircled by a pair of strong arms. She was crushed to the other’s hard form and was effectively immobilized. She froze, her body going completely rigid.
Sesshoumaru held the girl tightly. She felt so right in his arms. If he had his choice, he would shackle her to him permanently and never let her out of his sight again. His actions had caused him nothing but the horrible sense of guilt, regret, and loss. He wanted her to be with him, always. He bent his head to the top of hers and sniffed lightly. No matter what, Kagome had always smelled so nice, and even still she carried with her the gentle scent that could only be Kagome.
She was frail and thin. He could feel her thinness pressed against him. The bones were too prominent in her frame. He was pained at the thought of her starving herself. She was pale and her pallor was that of and ill or dying person, but she still managed to glow, almost ethereally. He admitted to himself that Kagome would always be beautiful in his eyes, no matter what.
Sesshoumaru waited for Kagome to relax. He wouldn’t loosen his hold on her until he felt her own body ease. Her shallow breathing worried him, but he knew that he wasn’t holding her tightly enough to suffocate her. It was her own panic that caused her erratic breaths.
“Please listen to me.” Sesshoumaru whispered into her hair. “Just relax. I only want to talk.”
Eventually, Kagome’s body slackened in his hold. Though it was not because she felt more at ease in his presence, but rather that her weakened body had fatigued and she now lay limp in his grasp.
“Let me go.” Kagome begged hoarsely. “Please.”
Undeniably hurt, but not allowing it to show, Sesshoumaru released his hold completely. Kagome slid onto her bed and slouched on the edge. Sesshoumaru moved back on the edge to sit beside her, not near enough to be in contact with her, but close enough to touch.
The two sat in silence. Kagome stared at the ground. Sesshoumaru’s gaze focused on Kagome, watching her unwaveringly. Kagome stood abruptly. Keeping her eyes shielded from him, she bowed low. “I’m sorry for disturbing you. I’ll take my leave.” She said, as if she had been the one intruding.
“No.” Sesshoumaru stopped her. “You won’t leave. Not until I’ve had my say.” He reached out and grasped her hand, easing her back to the bed. “Just listen. I don’t have much to say. I can’t explain myself like I thought I could.” He began, unsure of how to continue. He knew what he had wanted to do, to say to her, but now, he couldn’t find the right words. He reflected over what had happened during the course of the day and he struck upon something he wished to speak with her about. “Your son made something quite clear to me today.”
Kagome stiffened at the mention of her son before she realized that he had meant Shippou and not Hoshimaru.
“He had told me that you had forgiven my transgressions.” He continued, not noticing her sudden fear at his mentioning of her son. “My actions were beyond unforgivable, and I cannot ask you to forgive them. But I would like to move from that and I ask you what I can do to make it up to you.”
Kagome stood completely still. “What…else did Shippou tell you?”
Sesshoumaru hesitated. “He said that you still loved me.” He answered straight-forward in an attempt to hide the rapid beating of his own heart. The sudden fear and apprehension which flooded him surprised him. He was panicking over her reaction. It had meant more to him than he had realized. She was everything to him at that moment.
Kagome was silent. She did still love him. She knew she shouldn’t love him, she didn‘t deserve to, but she couldn’t help it. She would always love him. Not knowing how to respond, she stiffened in fear of what he expected from her. What did he want her to say? Would he hurt her again? She hunched over, unconsciously trying to hide from his gaze. “Wh-what do you want?” She asked tremulously.
He looked at her sadly. She was so afraid of him, so completely terrified. ‘I want you to love me,’ he thought. “Forgive me?” He said quietly.
She paused, seeming to have come to a decision. Kagome’s hand slipped lifelessly from his own hand. Ever so slowly, as if she were moving through tar, Kagome brought her hands up to her coarse brown sweater. She clasped the bottom hem and brought it up, revealing her pale white flesh to his eyes.
“What are you doing?” Sesshoumaru asked, alarmed.
Not answering him, Kagome removed her shirt and stood with only a bra to cover her chest. Sesshoumaru’s eyes widened in horror as he stared at her body. Kagome was thin, thinner than anyone had realized. Her baggy clothing hid almost everything from everybody. Her ribs shown clearly through her skin. Her stomach had a wholly hollow look, and Sesshoumaru was sure that if Kagome had turned around, he would be able to make out the individual vertebrae of her spine.
The most surprising thing about her body though, were the scars. Lines crisscrossed her sides and back. Long, jagged, and star-shaped scars covered her body. It seemed only her stomach was untouched. What was worse, were her arms. On her inner forearms, innumerable lines were drawn. Some were neat parallel lines running across her wrist. There were more sinister lines flowing down her arm, following the veins. Kagome held her arms out to him so Sesshoumaru could see clearly.
She had tried to kill herself, Sesshoumaru realized in a dazed sense of shock and mortification. “I…” He couldn’t say anything. What could he possibly say to the woman he loved? To the one woman he had hurt so badly as to drive her to try to end her own life.
In a demeanor that was eerily calm compared to her earlier fear, Kagome displayed to Sesshoumaru the fruits of what he had sown and reaped. “I forgive you.” She said softly.
Gold eyes stared incredulous at her. How could anyone forgive the atrocities of which he had caused. He looked up into her face, which she had finally raised to meet his own and all thought came to a screeching halt. All of Kagome’s fears had faded from her expression. Her face was now perfectly calm, almost serene. It was a perfect mirror of what his own face had been five years ago, only her eyes lacked life. She peered back at him through dead eyes. Her milk-white body and damaged flesh displayed to him as she stood still as a statue.
Sesshoumaru couldn’t look away. He deserved it. He would never look away from her again. Grasping her exposed wrists, he drew her to him. She moved as lifelessly and as limply as an empty body would. She didn’t resist him. He almost wished she would fight against, even her trembling in fear was better than this. He had killed something precious inside of her. It was something dear to everyone who knew her. He finally realized he had crushed her unyielding spirit.
Drawing the unresisting girl into his lap, he wrapped his arms securely around her waist. Resting his head on her shoulder, he allowed tears which had not fallen for the whole of his life to slide down his cheeks. He watched as the salty drops landed on Kagome’s arms and slide down to wet her pants. He carefully wrapped her in her bed covers so she would not catch cold, and he held her tightly to him, wishing that somehow, she would get better and that she would regain the spark inside her that was her life.
-:- -:- -:-
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