InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Price of Vengeance ❯ Chapter Sixty-One: Longing ( Chapter 62 )

Disclaimer: I do not own any of Rumiko Takahashi's characters, etc. This story is for entertainment purposes only.

 

A/N: Again, I apologize for the wait. Thank you so much for everyone's support and continued demands for updates...they really do urge me on to continue this tale.

 

WARNING: DARK IMAGERY! NO ONE UNDER 17, PLEASE!

 

Japanese Words

 

kochou - butterfly

kumo - spider

samba - midwife

osambasan - respected title for midwife

tsuchi - earth

koi - love (endearment)

 

Chapter Sixty-One (Longing)

 

The ookami lay, broken and bone-shattered, in a huddle at the base of the rock, which was reddened by the splash of his blood across the sandy surface. Spiky black hair lay matted against the skull, which was caved in under the impact as the avenging Wind had finally let him go. The mouth, jaw dislocated and twisted, was opened in a horrified scream that emitted only silence.

 

An aura of fuchsia-tinged power shimmered from the shattered knees of the broken ookami, and there was a faint flicker of awareness in the wide, yellow eyes.

 

The six-legged insect cautiously crept forward, its faceted eyes mirroring the image of the broken youkai in the dirt a hundred-fold. Chitin scraped against chitin as mandibles twittered. Transparent wings, almost delicate in their vein-traced embroidery, flicked once in consideration. Hoisting its black and yellow body up from the crevice it had hid in during the whirling storm that had flung his brothers far away, the child of Hell, Naraku's minion, focused on the power of the Shikon shards jammed into the ookami's thighs.

 

Those shards might have saved the northern lord, might have mended his broken body, and pulled the breath back into his ruptured lungs.

 

But the Saimyousho's dark master had other plans for the Jewel fragments he had given Katashi, and allowing the northern wolf to survive was not among them.

 

Sudden knowledge flared in the staring, yellow eyes, and a thin thread of sound, uttering helpless rage, hissed out of the parted, bloodied lips. The Saimyousho ignored it, and went about its appointed task...

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

Suyo raised his head as a pearl-touched kochou fluttered past him, singing a report of their proximity to the village of the Goshinboku, where the Lady Kagome resided in the care of an elderly miko. Another butterfly youkai joined the first, and Suyo nodded slightly as the notes filtered on the air. Raising a dove-grey hand, the spider youkai paused, and the guards stopped, pink eyes wary as they scanned the forest-cover, trying to pierce the black-fingered woods around them for danger.

 

A muffled voice raised in protest, and Suyo kept his expression carefully blank as the curtains covering the first litter were swept aside to reveal an irate inu youkai, her greyed hair swept up into a careful coiffure that was rather impractical for travel. Natsuko did not deal well with delay, and the spider youkai's infinite patience had been tested more than once by the querulous lady's complaints along the road.

 

"Why are we stopped, kumo?" The older inu demanded, her voice rising in increased irritation.

 

The second litter came abreast of the first, and Suyo saw with relief that Usagi, respected samba and nominally in charge of the female youkai whom he had escorted, was going to take charge of Natsuko, and he would not have to deal with it. The earth youkai, a lady in her own right and born of higher station than Natsuko, was even more irritated with the long journey than her inu companion, and her own voice rose, sharp and cutting. "Natsuko! Cease your grumbles at once! I am tired of listening to your whining voice!"

 

Natsuko gave the midwife a petulant scowl, but settled back into her seat. The softer voice of Suzume, another inu youkai, rose, trying to soothe the older woman's irritation.

 

Usagi's dark brown eyes swept over Suyo, and her question was silent, but she demanded an answer. Suyo bowed slightly, respectful of the earth youkai's position as head osambasan. The earth youkai was esteemed and revered for her knowledge of youkai midwifery, and it was only by the Taiyoukai's personal request that she had consented to come at all to attend the birth of the Western Lord's expected child.

 

"Our passage has been noted, Usagi-sama." Suyo explained shortly. "The kochou have let me know that we are being tracked by---"

 

Suyo abruptly turned as a red blur burst from the concealing brush just in front of the wagons. He stared at the amber-eyed hanyou, pink eyes whirling mildly as he took in the dark scowl and fierce grip on the sword hilt strapped to his side. A mere moment later, a black-haired man, dressed in the dark blue and purple robes of a Buddhist monk, joined the silver-haired hanyou.

 

“I believe we have arrived, osambasan.” Suyo said mildly, bowing courteously to the disbelieving pair who confronted him and his large youkai entourage.

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

Kaede regarded the large party of youkai that stood on her doorstep with her usual unruffled reaction when presented with the outlandish. But inside, her mind wandered over the deeper meanings and consequences that this spurious delegation signified.

 

The youkai in charge seemed to be a mild-mannered, four-armed spider. Suyo was dove grey in color, and little expression showed on his humanoid features. Kaede was not fooled by the kumo's seeming obeisance, however. A sharp intellect shown out of the spider's pink eyes, and although her first instinct was to trust him, she was still cautious in her judgement.

 

The one who took charge, on the other hand, was quite different. Kaede regarded the tsuchi youkai who stared back at her with some misgiving. The osambasan carried herself with a rather high air of esteem in her abilities as a midwife, and the shrewd brown eyes above a dark complexion and rather ample figure seemed to hold the old miko in suspicion, as if she found Kaede somewhat lacking.

 

The handful of female youkai who surrounded the tsuchi osambasan were a mix of species and appearance, but all of them seemed to hold a faint air of contempt as they made long-eyes over the small village in which they found themselves.

 

Kaede did not appreciate their disdain, and she frowned as Suyo stepped forward, his manner slightly apologetic. "Lady Kaede, I have escorted Usagi-sama here to examine the Lady Kagome, with the understanding that she would take over care for the girl."

 

There was a derisive snort just behind Kaede, who ignored the silver-haired hanyou to reply mildly, "This is quite unexpected, Suyo-san."

 

The spider merely bowed. "I have been instructed, my lady."

 

InuYasha was now growling, a faint sound, but nonetheless a telling one. The youkai samba looked offended, and the older miko wanted to chuckle at the expressions on their haughty faces.

 

This was going to prove quite entertaining.

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

Kagura stood on the tuft-ridden rise that rose slightly up from the creek-crossed valley where the bloody battle between the wolf clans had been fought. Although she could hear the ookami stirring behind her, murmuring low to one another as their battle-ridden excitement wore off in the aftermath of victory, her mind was not on them.

 

It might have been the icy touch of the wind that made the pale youkai shiver, but it was not. The wolves had searched out Katashi's broken body, and brought back word to their leader and his mate that the Jewel shards shoved into the northern wolf's legs were now missing. The ragged remains of Katashi's tribe had been gathered up and were being watched closely by their eastern foes, and Kagura should have no reason for her nagging sense of unease, but the fear still nibbled at the edges of her mind.

 

It was not Katashi. He was dead, and she had never truly feared HIM. The Wind would never fear one such as he...pitiful wolfling...

 

But there was another...

 

Naraku.

 

*Madness...*

 

If she had a choice, she would never expose herself to him. But she had no choice...

 

The wind rose around her, wailing the lost cries of the dead to her in its lonely call.

 

~Vengeance...~

 

Closing her bloodied eyes, she concentrated on that whisper of sound, wanting to call it back to her. She sought it out to strengthen her will in what she would need to do. In order to find Naraku, she must abandon all of her carefully wrought shields against the intrusion of her creator's insidious mind. She must open herself to him, and seek the knowledge of his location while hoping that he would not notice HER.

 

For though she was herself now, now that her heart had been returned to her, there was still the thinnest tie that held them together, that of creator and created...a disgustingly twisted parody of familial relationship that filled her with a bone-chilling fear that did not show on her carefully impassive features.

 

She feared, above all else, to be swallowed back into that writhing mass of putrid, rotting youkai flesh and dark desire, that all-consuming void of madness and hate. But for them, her brothers, her beloved, she would do anything, risk everything, deny nothing. Not even if she, herself, her true self, heart, spirit and mind, should be sacrificed on their behalf...

 

*To face him alone...I do not know if I will survive...* She thought desolately to herself. She had not the power she had once held, and even then it had been but a smidgen compared to the dark hanyou's---

 

Kagura jerked as a strong arm slid across her thin shoulders with a familiar motion. Her eyes snapped open and she stared in surprise at the icy blue gaze that met hers. There was a faint brush of compassion across her scattered thoughts, and an overwhelming sense of strength and reassurance enveloped her dark fears like a bear's hug of warmth.

 

"But you are not alone, koi." The icy gaze held hers as his arms slid around her smaller frame and hauled her closer to his strength and warmth. The wind rose, snapping the long tail of his midnight-black hair and spilling it among her own long tresses, whose waves rode the rising air unfettered, until there was no telling where one length ended and another began as their ebony hair feathered and fanned across each other's, touching softly, yet twined, just as their minds were now held as two parts of the same identity.

 

*Koi?* She wondered at the endearment. The wolf lord had never uttered something like that to her, and his casual use of it irritated her even as her heart-beat sped up at the deeper nuance behind it.

 

Koga nodded sharply, his mouth cracking an amused smirk, before pressing his forehead against hers and staring deep into her incredible eyes. Those eyes, whose rubied depths showed his heart's blood to him in their crimson midst.

 

"WE," He emphasized the word in a harsh whisper of promise, "are strong. WE will find that pile of monkey shit and WE will stomp on his foul filthy carcass until WE have killed him."

 

Sudden hilarity snapped through Kagura's mind and her eyes crinkled at the corners in an unaccustomed smile as she whispered back, "You are ever eloquent, my lord."

 

Koga growled on reflex, even as his mind seethed with her amusement at his expense. ~Damn wind wit---~

 

"Jerk." She cut him off sharply, and then startled them both by kissing him to silence his retort. Koga's arms tightened, and Kagura melted against him, their passion igniting across each other. They were one, and not alone...

 

"Koi." Kouga growled at her when their lips parted, his tone insulting, but his thoughts behind it anything but.

 

Kagura leaned up and kissed him again, making him flash an arrogant smile as she retorted, "Ookami inu."

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

It had only been by Kagome's tentative agreement that InuYasha had finally relented, and allowed the head samba---Usagi---to come in to the hut. He would not allow any of the others to pass, and the remaining youkai ladies milled in the dusty street looking quite put out.

 

Kaede held the bamboo curtain open for the tsuchi youkai, who had gathered her navy kimono up in her brown hands and sailed right into the hut, looking around her with an appraising eye. Kaede followed, her expression grim. But the osambasan must know what she was doing. The Taiyoukai would send nothing but the best for his pup.

 

Or so the old priestess hoped.

 

Kagome sat up on her futon, cushions piled behind her. Koharu knelt beside the young miko, putting another pillow under her back and whispering something in her ear. Sango had refused to leave her imouta's side, and had taken up a crossed-armed stance inside the hut, much as her hanyou mate had taken to standing across the doorway on the outside. Sango's brown eyes were watchful, her manner formal as she nodded stiffly to the tsuchi youkai who spared her barely a glance.

 

The dark brown eyes were focused exclusively on Kagome, who flushed a bit with the osambasan's slow perusal.

 

“You are Kagome-sama?” The earth youkai's voice was surprisingly mellow and deep. Earthy, but without sensuality in the husky tones. “I am Usagi. The Lord SesshouMaru has sent me to oversee your care and the birth of his son.”

 

The dark eyes watched as Kagome flinched at the Taiyoukai's name. The rest of them had been careful not to mention the inu Lord in front of her, though he was never far from any of their thoughts.

 

Something sparked in the wide brown eyes as the miko processed the osambasan's high-handed introduction. Kagome's expression turned stormy. “What do you mean, oversee?”

 

Usagi was impassive. “You have been honored, young onna, by the Lord of the Western Lands. I would not normally come such a distance to apply my craft.”

 

“Honored?” Kagome's eyes flashed, and she bit the word out. Her hands tightened over the blankets drawn up over her belly.

 

“Kagome-chan...” Koharu put a comforting hand on the young miko's shoulder, and Sango gripped the hilt of her katana, her lips thin. The tension in the room could have been cut with a knife, and Kaede welcomed the interruption of Shippo as he bounced through the door, right under InuYasha's braced legs, the kittenish form of Kirara right behind him.

 

“Okaa-san!”

 

“Mew!”

 

Shippo hopped into Kagome's arms as Kirara jumped up onto Sango's---who had to drop the tight clasp on her sword in order to catch the small, furry kitten against her. Kaede gave the tiny neko a speculative look; had the fire-cat done it on purpose? But Kirara only purred contentment and rubbed her black-starred head across the taijiya's fingers.

 

Usagi regarded the rust-colored kitsune with mild surprise. “You have a pup already?”

 

Shippo swivelled his head, and blinked his wide green eyes at the dignified youkai. “Who's that, Lady Kaede?”

 

A brief smile touched the corner of the old miko's mouth. “She is Usagi-sama, and ye should not be so rude, young Shippo.”

 

The little kitsune wrinkled his nose and said decidedly, “She smells like dirt.”

 

Kaede awaited the dignified earth youkai's reaction, and was surprised when the dark-skinned midwife gave a short back of laughter. The laugh changed her whole expression, warming the dark brown eyes and giving laugh-lines to the creases in her ample cheeks. Koharu giggled, and the strained atmosphere relaxed as the tension was broken.

 

Shippo just gave them all a puzzled look, and Usagi actually knelt down beside the miko and kitsune so she could address him on his level. “Young kitsune, may I request your permission to examine your mother?”

 

Green eyes wrinkled. “Shouldn't you ask okaa-san that?”

 

“Perhaps you are right, kitsune.” Usagi extended a blunt-fingered brown hand to ruffle the rusty-orange head with amusement. Shippo suffered the touch with a barely-hidden scowl.

 

Usagi stared deep into Kagome's lighter brown eyes, and asked simply, “Would you allow me then, young miko, to examine you?”

 

Kagome stirred uneasily. Her first instinct was to trust this weird samba, strange as the brown youkai was, but she still didn't like the high-handed air the osambasan had first affected. Her eyes flicked up to Kaede in question.

 

Before the older priestess could speak to reassure the girl, Usagi had picked up one of Kagome's small white hands in her blunt, calloused fingers. “I will not hurt you, child.”

 

“She wouldn't, okaa-san.” Shippo added, sniffing out the tsuchi youkai's intentions with his sensitive nose.

 

Kagome bit her lip, and then nodded slowly in agreement.

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

Ginta stared down at his hands disconsolately. His claws curled tight into his palms as he turned the figures over in his tired brain. Only eleven of his youkai brothers had escaped the carnage of the wolf caverns, and he was the one to blame. Koga had left him in charge, to guard and protect the youngest and oldest of their clan, and he had failed them. It was his order that had sent his clan back into the caves, where only death lurked in the darkness.

 

And he had not even saved them. For that, he owed some unremembered band of washi youkai, whose screaming calls he had heard, thinking they were the ookami-eating Birds of Paradise. Nobu had informed him---gruffly, and with short words---how the eagles had come and picked up the fighting wolf-brothers in their talons, rescuing the last shreds of his clan from certain annihilation.

 

What would he say to Koga? What could he say? Koga had taken all of the able warriors with him to track down the traitor Katashi, and left him, Ginta, in charge of over a hundred ookami and their furry brothers. And he had failed them.

 

Only eleven.

 

A furry body stirred beside him, and a heavy head came to rest on the ookami's thigh. Ginta eyed the wolf with aching sadness. The red-brown brother had lost a leg in the battle---the old priestess Kaede had had to amputate the wolf's right foreleg at the shoulder in order to save his life. No longer would his brother be able to run like the wind on four legs, and hunt the wild game under his paws. He was now crippled---alive but unable to live.

 

Ginta wanted to cry, suddenly, but he didn't dare. Instead, he sniffled, and felt even worse. Why should he sit here and cry like a baby when he hadn't been able to save even one little brother? He was too worthless to cry...damn it...sniff...

 

The wolf whined comfortingly at him, and a warm tongue licked softly at his leg. Ginta clenched his fists so hard he could feel the sharp tips of his claws digging into his palms. If anything, it made him feel worse.

 

Sniff...

 

"Stupid whelp."

 

Ginta blinked, eyes shooting to the left. *Hideki?*

 

The old wolf coughed weakly, and scowled back up at him, his filmy eyes narrowed on the young ookami. The grey hair lay matted against his head and the old youkai still had the faint bruising of his encounter with Katashi's northerners decorating his weathered skin. He had been amazed that the old healer had survived...dragged out of the caverns by some the youngest youkai, grazed by the poisonous teeth of a flying worm-snake, Ginta had thought there was no way the old wolf could live. But the poison had only slowed his healing, and the old wolf was as tough as an old boot. He had stubbornly hung on, even as other, seemingly more healthier ookami had succumbed to the poison and died.

 

"Hideki?" Ginta reached out a claw, and the three-legged wolf beside him thumped a tail in greeting.

 

"Stupid whelp." The old healer growled back at him and coughed again.

Ginta stared at the ookami in surprise.

 

"Quit your sniveling, boy." Hideki looked fierce, which was a pretty mean feat, considering he lay flat on his back and still too weak to move very much. "It wasn't your fault."

 

"But..."

 

"No buts, boy!" Hideki's voice was hoarse as he barked, bringing the attention of some of the other wolves, who came crowding over to sniff and whine at the old ookami. "Gah! Quit your nosing, you stinking furballs!"

 

The wolves ignored him, whining their happiness. The commotion as Hideki weakly tried to hold rough paws and lolling tongues at bay drew the attention of the old miko who nursed them. The woman, dressed in the red and white of a Shinto priestess, came and knelt between the two ookami, the disconcertingly single eye---the other covered by a patch of black cloth---traveling over the old wolf with assessment.

 

"Ye are awake, then."

 

"Obviously." Hideki was always sarcastic and grumpy when he was the one being taken care of. The old healer made a terrible patient.

 

The priestess was not ruffled by the old fart's comment. "Water?" She offered, bringing up the small jug she held clasped in one hand.

 

Hideki coughed hoarsely and nodded. The old miko made a motion at the crowding furballs, and amazingly, they quit pawing at the old healer and sat back on their haunches, watching the pair of them from a respectful distance.

 

Ginta's astonishment was as obvious as Hideki's. The old wolf gave the onna an appraising look as she helped him to sit up enough so that she could dribble water from the dipper tied to the side of the bucket into the ookami's mouth.

 

"Slowly. Ye mustn't drink it too quickly." The old miko's voice, as gravelly as Hideki's, was firm.

 

Hideki scowled. "I know, woman." He bit out between sips. The old miko promptly shut his grumpy mouth by pouring more water in it. Hideki almost choked, and she eased back the dipper and wiped the drops from his chin with businesslike motions.

 

The old wolf's eyes were alight as Ginta stared in surprise at them both. "You have a way with wolves, lady."

 

*Lady?* Ginta nearly choked himself.

 

The miko turned her attention to him, and calmly offered the dipper. Ginta was strong enough to feed himself, and he took the offered refreshment more for the distraction than from any true need. He knew admiration when he saw it, and Hideki was fairly oozing wolfish charm---or as much as he could lying there on his back and too weak to move.

 

The old priestess was hardly the picture of beauty. She might have been, once, but now she just seemed OLD. Not to mention, ONE-EYED. It was almost...disturbing...when Ginta thought about it.

 

"Ye'll be needing something to eat." The miko stood up after Ginta had finished drinking.

 

Hideki actually grinned, displaying the cracked fang that gave him his nickname among the eastern wolf-brothers. "Will you feed me yourself?"

 

He wasn't FLIRTING, was he?

 

Ginta just stared, dumb-founded.

 

A fine brow arched as the old miko looked down at the wolf. Her mouth curved slightly, as if she saw humor in the old wolf's attempts. With an enigmatic look, the old miko just turned away, motioning the sitting wolves to let her pass. They scooted, and Hideki's look was full of admiration---and just WRONG to Ginta's way of mind.

 

"That," Hideki pronounced with a weak cough, "is one fine woman."

 

Ginta just stared, despair forgotten.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*

 

For once, she was alone.

 

Kagome sighed, feeling a little guilty about how relieved she was by the simple fact. *Alone.* Really, she shouldn't wish to be alone. The fear that nibbled at the back of her mind---the fear that she refused to let out to examine---of being left alone, with children to raise in this harshly unforgiving era, without kith or kin, was frighteningly real. She didn't like to think about it. But in the darkest moments, when the nagging fear crept out to whisper uneasily to her troubled mind, her friends would come and chase it away with their simple presence, reassuring her with their unwavering faith and unquestioning support.

 

They comforted her, giving her solace when she felt lost or worried. She smiled softly, counting her blessings. They meant so much to her, and each of them had their own special gifts---Shippo's simple love, asking no questions and demanding only her attention; Miroku's unabashed charm and steadfast presence; Koharu's sympathy and ever-helpful attention, always eager to please; Kaede's steady calm and wise counsel; Sango's unquestioning loyalty and simple understanding of Kagome's moods...even InuYasha's fierce protectiveness and grumpy, frustratingly rude and callous remarks were all to be treasured and appreciated.

 

But, somehow, they were not enough.

 

Kagome bit her lip, chiding herself for being ungrateful. Her friends did not condemn her, did not chide her, did not redress her with all the problems she had created for herself...or been created. Their simple acceptance of reality had allowed her to bear her pregnancy rather calmly. She wondered, idly, if she could have expected such tolerance in her own era. Her mother would have been upset, Jii-chan bewildered, and Sota confused. Her friends...how would her friends have reacted? Ayumi, Yuka and Eri were not really all that mature. Or at least, each time she had gone back to her own time and ducked into school for some test or unable-to-miss class-work, Kagome had felt more and more distant from them...separated, somehow, from her dearest, girlhood friends.

 

Yuka and Eri were so focused on boys...boys with a capital B. Ayumi, though sweet, was a trifle on the dense side, and her love of geometry (heck, ANY schoolwork!) had always baffled Kagome. Sweet as the three of them were, Kagome often felt a nervous spurt of fear shoot up in the back of her spine when she thought about how, exactly, any of them might react to her pregnancy...and eventual motherhood.

 

Kagome giggled slightly in nervous irony. Motherhood! She was already a mother, or something like it, in the eyes of her little kitsune. *Dear Shippo.* He was such a sweet little kit...and so cute she wanted to hug him tight like a stuffed plushie. But he wasn't a plushie. He was a living, breathing, vital little boy, and whenever she held him close to her, she could FEEL the difference...

 

“Ooh!”

 

Kagome shifted as the sharp pain stabbed again. Man, she hated it when the baby jabbed her ribs. The swell of her stomach rippled slightly in reaction as she rubbed absently on the spot. A second ripple reminded her—rather bracingly—that there was more than one of them in there rolling around like (giggle) puppies.

 

This was nothing. They were actually quite calm right now. Sometimes they were so active she felt like they were holding gymnastics in there. Far worse, though, when someone decided to take a nap on her bladder...

 

*Ugh. Don't even think about it!* Sometimes, she swore he or she or they or whatever picked up on her very thoughts, and would do exactly what she didn't want them to do. Getting up was enough of a chore that she didn't even grumble any more when Koharu or Sango offered their assistance. She was too grateful for their help getting the big turtle she had become up and on her wobbly feet!

 

The taut skin stretched across her once-flat stomach rippled again, and Kagome smoothed her small fingers over it in a familiar, absent motion. It surprised her sometimes, how often she would caress or cuddle her hands across her belly, as if she were cradling and comforting the small life—er, lives—within.

 

Yawning sleepily---man, she always seemed to be tired these days!---Kagome patted her kimono-clad belly absently and nestled deeper into the piled pillows behind her. A faint sense of nagging fear tugged at her, but her mind wandered elsewhere. It was often the case nowadays. She couldn't seem to keep a straight thought in her head, and she would drift for hours in a bemused state of hazy awareness, half-asleep and content to just drift.

 

*Man, I AM a feather-head!* She let that irritating thought go, and the irritating memory of InuYasha, arms akimbo and a typical sneer on his face, calling her that very word some time back when that really didn't matter really all that much, and she was too sleepy-tired to really care really...her thoughts drifted in bemusement as she thought of the look on his face. Always so irritatingly male...though she would often only focus on his eyes. Those golden-amber eyes that lightened into gold when he became so irritatingly irritated...

 

*Gold...*

 

So much like another pair of golden eyes, that could warm into liquid, as if the sun were bathing them in molten fire...eyes that could be so distant and chilling, and yet so fierce and wanting...

 

Kagome jerked.

 

*Huh?*

 

SesshouMaru WARM?

 

She MUST be losing her mind!

 

“Ouch!”

 

She unkinked her legs, pushing out of the cramp that had spasmed in her back as SOMEBODY---brown eyes glared at her stomach---poked her in the spine. The pup was as irritating as the father!

 

WAS SesshouMaru so irritating? Really?

 

Kagome flushed, confused.

 

She really WAS turning into a feather-head! Scatter-brained and confused, not knowing what the heck she was even thinking. That cold, arrogant fish was not warm! He was not feeling, or emotional, or protective. Patronizing, and arrogant, and irritating, and as stiff as dried glue, yes, but WARM? Never! The man couldn't even SMILE. Well, she had seen him smile---once. And it had sent chills down her spine, though she had ignored them and pretended not to notice how her knees wanted to shake under her short, green fuku and her fingers had white-knuckled on the smooth wood of her bow. It had been such a blood-thirsty smile...so chillingly EVIL...she rather preferred to see his typically stone-faced distant arrogance, his haughty, disdainful, unemotional mask than THAT. At least, with his normal, stoically composed mask, he was more himself, more familiar, and less...less...demonic.

 

And, not to mention, when his features were stilled, he had the face of an Angel...

 

*Angel?*

 

Where in all the earth had THAT thought come from?

 

A scattered memory came, sharp and piercing, and made her stiffen. The flicker of pain in deeply golden eyes, a moment's glimpse of a wound deep and hidden behind a barrier of indifference, flashed across her subconscious. It had only lasted for the merest breath—but the poignant emotion behind it had branded across her mind more than the darkening anger that had burned in those golden eyes after, when SesshouMaru had suddenly turned from tender lover to demonic beast, using her body in pain and anger...

 

For the first time, Kagome wondered what, exactly, had turned the lover into the beast. She had ignored it, not wanting to think about it. But it had always hovered, like an aching tooth, below her conscious. No matter how she chose to ignore it, it would always remain a sore point that she wanted to explore...

 

But then SOMEONE'S demonic child decided to do a belly-flop right on her spine, and put all thoughts out of her head.

 

Grimacing at the inhumane torture---really, the babes were as evil as their father---Kagome shifted her position yet again, and rolled over like a walrus. Snagging a pillow from one side, she pushed it under her hip, giving herself more support as she rested on her right side. For some unknown reason, the babes in her womb found it soothing, although she hated the strain the awkward, side-ways position put on her back and the whole pins-and-needles numbing of her entire right side.

 

There was a slight ripple in answer, and then stillness. Blessed stillness.

 

A village woman had told her to imagine a still lake, where the placid waters were smoothed over like glass, with nary a ripple to mar the surface. The soothing picture in her mind would soothe her child in the womb, quieting it into sleep...

 

Someone thumped her ribs, and Kagome rolled her eyes.

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

SesshouMaru sat in blessed stillness, feeling the quiet solitude around him deepen. This high into the stone fortress that was his home, he could forget that the castle grounds were teeming with youkai and ningen, all preparing for war. He could forget that there were thousands camped out on his doorstep, and that his halls and holds were filled beyond capacity with those loyal to the inu.

 

And he could pretend to forget, for a small fissure of time, a pair of brown eyes that haunted his every thought, waiting for him to let down his guard enough to distract him from the various minutia of war and seize his awareness with their overpowering allure...

 

Closing his golden eyes, the Taiyoukai sank back into his chair, the merest thinning of the hard line of his mouth the only hint to the troubled thoughts within him. For one mere girl to hold so much of his attention was not worthy of him, and yet he knew, bitterly and full well, that there was not a damn thing he could do about it.

 

Acceptance was never easy, even for him.

 

His eyes opened, half-lidded, as he regarded the flickering red-orange flames of the fire he had lighted in the grate, more for the distraction than for the warmth. The glowing flames reflected copper highlights in the golden eyes that brooded over them. A faint smile touched the corner of his lips, a smile of bitter irony.

 

Was it acceptable in himself?

 

Turning his thoughts inward, he explored the new awakening within him...the realization that he needed the girl-miko as the air he breathed, or the blood that pumped its life through his limbs. It was a raw ache of self-reproach to acknowledge such a need, but he refused to ignore the emotion as paltry or beneath his notice.

 

Now that he had a space of time to devote to personal reflections, SesshouMaru composed his mind to stillness, surrounding himself with the empty quiet of contemplation. When he had achieved the desired stillness of his mind, he withdrew from the maelstrom of emotions that were his thoughts of the girl Kagome. He could now examine them at leisure, certain that if he dissected this need he might catagorize it as he had other experiences in his long life---and wrap it up neatly into a separate section of his mind where it could remain, ignored and detached.

 

Only then could he concentrate solely and absolutely on what he must do...

 

But the mixed feelings and sensations he had surrounding that particular miko were a tumult of disturbed emotions that he flinched instinctively from. Regret...yes, there was regret, and pain, deep, unacknowledged pain, uncertainty, and even...despised as he was to recognize it as such...a strange sense of apprehension for the unknown future and the dreaded fear of weakness that ANY emotion gave him. He disliked it, or acknowledging it, but ruthlessly refused to shrink away from it.

 

But it was not all dark. There was passion, deep passion, surprisingly deep. And the faint trace of unity, a whisper of what had held him enthralled before when he had joined his aura to hers, and taken from her the angry burden of her miko energies, simmering and boiling under her denial.

 

Did she remember that dreamlet? Did she know, in her conscious mind, what had happened between them?

 

Did he know, himself?

 

The inu growled faintly. It knew, without doubts or indecision, that she, Kagome, was simply his mate.

 

But he could not merely make her his possession, his claim. She was so much more vital than that, so much more alive...and it was that inner fire and conviction of life that pulled at him, perhaps, more than anything, with an almost jealous bitterness that the girl could be so free with her emotions, free and uncaring of the consequences. He was certain that he could never be able to willingly allow his tight control to slip, or to so easily let his guard down to reveal an inner self he seldom explored or acknowledged.

 

He desired her presence, suddenly and with a great, aching need for fulfillment. He wanted to SEE her...just see her...just feel her, to see if his troubled thoughts and emotions were real and justified. It would be so simple to reach out and pull her to him, call her name along the thin, iron thread that bound their souls. He had done it before, sending her name with a twitch of that thread, a vibration of his heart to hers, sending his desire for her presence, his desire for her acknowledgment of HIS presence, along it to sweep hers under his...

 

But he refused to diminish himself. He refused to plead after her like a small pup pining for milk and sustenance. He was SesshouMaru, the last child of a long and noble heritage. To demean himself to the level of supplicant? He refused. His honor would never allow it, and his honor, cold companion as it was, was still an important shield he used to keep his weaker side at bay. He would not allow the girl to tear it from his grasp. He would not.

 

And yet...

 

And yet he listened to the silence that surrounded him, and wished that he might hear his name on her sweet lips, calling to him as his heart called out to her, in silent longing.

 

In silent pain.

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

Kagome nestled deeper into the pillows, feeling the drowning softness of the silk against her cheek. Murmuring softly under her breath in sleep, her open-fingered hand slid over the hill of her belly to the soft, furry blanket that covered her. The feel of the soft fur---a treated hide gifted or loaned to her by Usagi's insistence---reminded her, deep in restless dreams, of the caressing softness of another furry touch, and inside of her dark sleep, where her inner, dreaming mind wandered, she felt an unbearable ache of longing for its lost embrace.

 

*SesshouMaru...*