InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Protector of Her Heart ❯ Signed Away ( Chapter 21 )

Chapter 21: Signed Away

 

Drowing. That's all Kagome felt at that moment. Like she had been plunged into a pool of her own making, down far below the surface and struggling to get out. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think, couldn't do anything as she realized now she was trapped, and all chances to escape her fate were lost forever.

 

That feeling was what plagued her as she stared at the piece of paper, the contract before her that would seal her away from Inuyasha forever; to the life and bed of another man.

 

As she fully realized what was going to happen, Kagome cursed herself and the world for allowing it to be so. When the document was signed, when she took the betrothal vows, she would be given to Naraku, and Naraku alone.

 

Why? Why had she gone through with this? Why had she agreed to the engagement when she knew she would be unhappy? Why couldn't she just say no instead of following what she knew was her duty? Why did she always have to follow her duty? Why couldn't she have something she wanted instead of what was expected of her for once?

 

Why, oh why had she been born to this fate, to have all choices made for her instead of getting to choose on her own?

 

I can't do this…Kagome thought, as she heard the door of the council chamber shut as all who was supposed to be there filed in, waiting for the moment that would destroy her life. I can't do it!

 

She was trembling, she knew she was, as she was also pale, filled with fear of this action and loathing of her life. It was unfathomable; she, who had been kidnapped by a dragon, and had nearly died of the plague, who had seen many strange and terrible things in the demon lands, was more afraid of a small signature on a single sheet of paper!

 

How can I possibly do this? she wondered, biting her lip while her fingers trembled. She held her hands together, but it did no good. How can I just give up and sign my life over to Lord Naraku, to a man I don't even love, when I know I'll have a life I hate and end up in despair because I was too afraid too—

 

“Are you nervous?” a smooth, tempting voice cut into her thoughts. Kagome turned, her eyes widening slightly upon seeing Lord Naraku standing next to her. “You seem a bit afraid,” he explained, his voice as honeyed as ever.

 

Calming her racing, fearful heart, Kagome replied, her eyes cast at the document before them, “I am merely dumbfounded…There was a time before when I wondered if it would ever greet this sight once more,” she replied, her voice regal, not giving away her true feelings like a princess should speak, but not the way she spoke around Inuyasha…

 

It an attempt to calm her, Lord Naraku smiled, his maroon eyes giving the appearance of softness. “You look lovely, Your Highness…your royal colors suit you well.” The gown itself was truly a marvel, made specially for her previous betrothal to Lord Houjou, but Naraku didn't have to know that. The bodice dipped low, with white roses embroidered on to the green fabric and decorated with pearls and lace, while the skirt itself was decorated with flowers sewn of darker green thread. The sleeves were, as usual long, but its overall design was a blend of newer gown fashions and the long sleeves of old, a perfect mix of old and new.

 

Kagome couldn't help but glance away slightly, hoping she was not blushing. She may not love him, but he had complimented her, after all. “I thank you, Lord Naraku.”

 

But…it appeared compliment was not what he really intended. “But, I do not understand why you insist upon those long, open sleeves. They must have gone out of fashions hundreds of years ago! Forgive me, Your Highness, but you must be the only woman in the entire palace to waste yards of fabric on those, instead of the more common tighter ones.”

 

Her jaw clenched. Did it really matter what she preferred to wear? After all, she had liked the older gowns ever since she was a child, ever since she found an old book in the library with pictures of old ladies dressed this way. The new fashions brought in from the tales of the coast came from countries foreign, and were always too tight, and constricting. Personally, Kagome had always felt that she was being squeezed and trapped inside them; something that was too much a metaphor for her rotten life.

 

And even though no one else had understood, Inuyasha told her once he had liked them, since they reminded him of what women wore in his childhood. And he had said that she looked more beautiful with her stubborn attire rather than to follow the crowd…

 

But Kagome couldn't tell Lord Naraku that. Deciding on a simple and curt reply, she answered, “Tight sleeves itch, My Lord.”

 

A smirk grew on Lord Naraku's face; playful as he intended it, but to Kagome, it seemed sinister. “Be it so, but surely once you are queen you won't be able to get away with this nonsense. You should perhaps refresh your wardrobe to be more in style before we are wed.”

 

It was like an arrow had been pierced through her heart. Trivial as it may have been, the barb had hit the mark in her already tender emotions. So this is how it will be…Naraku will tell me what I shall do and what I shall wear, and I will have to obey because I will be his wife…not like…

 

Inuyasha had let her have her own mid. He understood her…He had cared about what she wanted, and had never (well, with a few exceptions) tried to stop her otherwise. It wasn't just because she was a princess, it was because had admired her for it.

 

He had loved her for it.

 

Oh yes, she knew now that he had loved her. If he had not, he would not have been so hurt when she had chosen Lord Naraku at the banquet. Kagome had seen in his eyes, a window to his soul, the pain, the unbearable pain she had inflicted on him when she announced she would marry the man standing beside her. She saw the blood on his hands, and knew he was trying to relieve the frustration and grief, but nothing would help. He had looked, in that moment, as if even death would have come as a blessing.

 

That night, Kagome had cried. Not for herself, and what would become of her life, but for him. She had cried for hours into her pillow at the look on his face, and the last blow she had given. Her tears were for his love, and how she knew she could never return it. At times like that, she wanted to run into his arms, her castle of safety, and let him protect her, but it was not to be. Not anymore. Not when she had taken both of their hearts and shattered them, scattering the pieces into the wind, never to be put back together.

 

Only letting herself love him back would be more painful than this.

 

Kagome closed her eyes, stemming the impending well of tears. I'm so sorry, Inuyasha…I'm sorry I ever had to do this to you…you know its not what I want…But saying sorry can never help, can it?

 

There was the sound of someone clearing his throat, and she opened her eyes to see Lord Bankotsu standing at the head of the long table, dressed in his best for this (as he thought) merry occasion. Other members of the King's Council, were seated at the table, while the dowager queen stood beside him, smiling. A priest was also in the room, to validate the betrothal before the heavens. “At last, we have come to this happy moment,” Lord Bankotsu began, looking positively ecstatic at the achievement of his own making.

 

Kagome felt the bile rise in her throat at that statement. Happy enough for him! But not for anyone else caught up in his self-glorification!

 

Nothing more came from him, thankfully, as the priest, dressed in the honorary white robes, motioned for her and Lord Naraku. “Will the couple come forward?”

 

Icy fear flooded her veins. Oh God, it was time. She felt her heart race again. She thought there was to be more talking, perhaps some words on the significance of this day which was so like Lord Bankotsu to speak of. Why were they doing this quick? Why couldn't for once in her life someone slow down and allow her a moment to look her last on a world where she was not sealed away in Lord Naraku's grasp?

 

All eyes were on her as she slowly moved forward, but she kept her own downcast. She didn't want to look at anyone as they smiled to the `happiness' of this day. Kagome could feel her breaths become faster as the priest, who was a bit chubby through his robes spoke, “We are all gathered here to witness the vows of this man and this woman, to unite them in a holy engagement that, unless under the direst of circumstances, cannot be broken.”

 

Kagome felt her heart stop within her chest. She had been through many contractual betrothals in her life, but never had she heard those words…Cannot be broken? But…but I thought…usually they can be broken off simply if one pulls out before the marriage day, why then would they do this?

 

It hit her like ice. Once this contract was signed, not even if she came to her senses could she get out of it. She could no longer have a small, narrow escape. Naraku had chained her to see the day through, and even if she refused to get out of her bed on the dreaded day, they could seize her and drag her before the priest to have her vows forced to her.

 

As the fear filled her face and eyes, no one else saw Naraku give a small smirk.

 

The priest said no more to her, but glanced back at Lord Naraku. “Do you have a ring, sir?”

 

To that, Naraku merely nodded, pulling a betrothal ring from his pocket. Kagome couldn't help but glance at it. The stone was cut into a large teardrop, and was a deep, deep red…like a drop of blood, that was all she could think, as she heard chuckles from the men in the room around her.

 

“Red, the color of virginity,” Naraku grinned, while the men around smirked at the obvious innuendo.

 

Kagome didn't even care at the joke made at her expense, while the stone drew her gaze. Her breaths became shallower, glancing at the teardrop shape…tears she would cry for years and years at the mistake she was allowing herself to make. How very appropriate he should choose such a stone, almost as if he knew what she was sacrificing at this very moment…

 

The priest coughed and glared at the men, who quieted up at once. Knowing was was expected, she turned towards Lord Naraku, who took her hand gently. Kagome had heard the vows now to be said spoken to her many times before, but never before had she felt the words down to her very soul, rattling in her ears like chains. “Do you, sir, promise that you shall take this woman as your wedded wife, to guard her and guide her for as long as you shall live?” the priest asked.

 

Lord Naraku could not hide his happiness in that moment. “I do.”

 

It was wrong. It was too much like a marriage ceremony, though the real ceremony was to take place in a month's time. Though Kagome had felt numb in this situation before, now her terror was starting to overwhelm her. Was she really going to allow this to happen? Was she going to allow herself to be given to Lord Naraku for life, when she really wanted another?

 

Was she going to choose her eternal unhappiness just because it was the right thing to do?

 

Next, the priest turned to her. No, please, no! she begged, but it did her no good. “And do you, promise that you shall take this man as your wedded husband, to listen and to love him for as long as you shall live?”

 

No, I can never promise that on my conscience…I don't love him…I love…She wanted more than ever to shout those words to the priest, but inside, she had to hold back. Never allowing herself to love Inuyasha was the only way she could make it through this with her sanity.

 

But…

 

Now was her last chance, her very last chance to stop this. She didn't have to agree, she could say no and tell the priest that she could never, ever, love Lord Naraku. She could insist that she would only marry one man in her life, and that man was Inuyasha. Kagome could see it right now. She could shout no into the air, step away from Lord Naraku and run, run into Inuyasha's arms. She could declare her heart belonged to only him, forever, and he was the only man she could ever marry without regret. If it was not to be in the Human Lands, they could run away, back to their Midlands, and live together, never being parted until the day they died, happy…

 

Kagome hated her duty. Kagome hated her life as a princess, and would never forgive her father for changing it all in his will and declaring her the heir, despite her femininity. She hated Lord Bankotsu, for insisting she be married by the time of eighteen; in this moment, she hated her mother for telling her that Lord Naraku would be a good match for her.

 

In this moment, she hated her friends, who went along with this as if it was the most natural thing in the world, not talking her out of it though they knew she would be unhappy.

 

Now, Kagome even despised Inuyasha, though she could not hate him, because he had loved her, but not apparently enough that he could barge in and declare her his and no one else's.

 

But there was no one else Kagome hated more at this moment then herself.

 

And, speaking words that brought tears to her eyes, words that she had spoken in the chapel to Inuyasha, when she told him she didn't want to marry anyone but him, “I do.”

 

As claps and cheers went around the room, and the witnesses signed the contract, Kagome felt nausea rise within her. She actually did it. She had agreed to become Lord Naraku's wife, and belong to no other. Now, the iron chains weighed down, dragging her away from all dreams and hopes as a child and into his arms and bed. Kagome felt the lock close shut, locking Inuyasha out forever. She could never, by any stretch of the imagination, be his now.

 

Kagome felt Lord Naraku slide the betrothal ring over her finger. As the ring she had with Lord Houjou felt too lose, this ring was much too tight, pinching as it met her skin. It would be a constant reminder of what she had done, and could never escape now. Naraku raised her fingers to his lips, and kissed them gently, but Kagome had to shut her eyes to keep herself from crying. It was all over now. Her life was laid before her, with no alternate path.

 

I can never be yours now, Inuyasha…though now I want to be more than anything!

 

But as Kagome had to go to great lengths to keep herself together, it seemed only the dowager queen noticed. She watched her daughter as she turned away from Lord Naraku, with anything but tears of happiness in her eyes. Her eyes…they were filled with so much despair, and her voice sounded dead, as if she would never be happy again.

 

How could this have happened to her daughter, who was smiling last time she saw her, only to look like she was on the edge of losing control today?

 

Sighing, her mother prayed, Whatever is wrong, please let it be resolved soon.

 

 

* * * * * * * * *

 

 

Inuyasha lay on his bed, in his small quarters deep within the palace. He stared up at the ceiling, his heart feeling as much as stone as the ones that made up the wall. The betrothal papers were being signed today, and Kagome would now belong to Lord Naraku. All day, ever since he had waken up from that wondrous sleep, he felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest, knowing that she would be signed to the life and bed of another man, no longer his…if she ever was.

 

True, she was a princess, and it was a princess's duty to marry well, far above his class, but still…why did it have to be that way? He knew this before, when he first met her, but he had never really understood the full possibilities of what that meant. Even in the Midlands, during those wonderful times they spent together, he had no claim over her, but now, more than ever, he wished he did…

 

But he had felt something, back in the Midlands, that gave him hope. Somehow, Inuyasha knew, her heart belonged to him, as his heart still belonged to her. That feeling gave him hope…hope for something he knew was foolish, but could not help otherwise. He had claim over her heart, that was all. But a claim over her heart was nothing, when compared to the claim Lord Naraku now had.

 

Besides, Kagome had never admitted that she had felt anything for him, or loved him at all. It was only in her eyes, in her actions, but she had never said it aloud…

 

And perhaps, if he had courage, he would have told her the truth about his feelings.

 

When she had announced her betrothal to Lord Naraku, and he felt more pain that he had ever felt in his life, Inuyasha knew he loved her. He had known ever since the Midlands, but now…it hit him full force. His complete, and total love for this woman that he would never have. It was painful, to be sure, knowing the woman he loved with every bone in his body was going to marry another man, but somehow, after he had gone back to his rooms and bandaged his hands, the thought hit him, and it was wonderful and terrible at the same time. It was an amazing feeling, realizing he was in love, but even so, it now made the pain in his heart almost unbearable.

 

Why did I love her? Inuyasha asked himself, clenching his still bandaged hand into a fist. Why didn't I learn my lesson with Kikyou? Why did I fall in love with Kagome when I knew we could never be?

 

It was a question that could not be answered. His heart had chosen her, but unfortunately, it had a habit of choosing women he could never have, despite whatever feelings he had.

 

Sighing, he glanced at the ceiling once more. I've always been alone…I guess that's how its meant to be.

 

That was what he thought…until the door of his room came bursting open.

 

As quick as a flash, from years of being trained to be quick against attempts at his life, Inuyasha jumped to his feet, about to draw his sword…when his heart jumped in his chest. Standing in his doorway, was Kagome. Kagome wasn't with the others. She had come. To him.

 

Slowly, his tenseness evaporated, as her wonderful scent filled the room. Their eyes locked and he heard her heart race as well. “K-Kagome…”

 

“Inuyasha…” she replied, his heart racing once more, with her dropping the formality she had used since they had arrived back in the Human Lands.

 

Hope like never before filled his heart, as she came closer, drawn to him. Did she…did she actually do it? Did she refuse the betrothal and come to me?

 

But his eyes were drawn to the teardrop shaped ring on her finger, and the despair hit once more. No, of course she didn't refuse him…but why did she come?

 

Kagome noticed his eyes looking at her finger, and the sadness begin to show in his eyes. Regretting the hurt she saw, she quickly pulled her hand behind her back, apologizing, “Inuyasha, I'm sorry…but I—”

 

“Let me guess,” he muttered, his despair turning to anger as he sat down on his bed again. “You had no choice, right?”

 

A lump grew in her throat. She had come to him because she needed him right now, she needed him more than anyone. And now he was mad at her. How could he not be, when she had refused him and his love for Lord Naraku? “Inuyasha, please believe me when I say, if I had a choice, then I wish—”

 

Inuyasha turned back to her and glared harshly. “But you did have a choice, Kagome! You could have said no! You know you didn't have to agree, but you did anyway!” he spat, not caring how harsh he was being. He was in pain, and he couldn't think of any other way to make it better.

 

Tears leaked from her eyes as she sobbed, sinking to the floor, “But I don't have a choice, Inuyasha! Don't you understand? My father did the most horrible thing he could do when he thought I was more suited for the crown and left it to me; he shunned me to this! The council ordered me to have a husband when that happens, to be king. If I don't agree to Lord Naraku, they will pick a man for me, just any man, out of the court! I won't even know them, I'll just have to do it anyway! Don't you see, Inuyasha? I have no choice at all in what happens to me! Even if I refuse, I will be dragged before a priest and married against my will! At least with this I get some semblance of a choice in what happens in my life!” she shouted so loudly that the hanyou was sure he wouldn't be hearing properly for a few hours.

 

As she continued to sob, Inuyasha felt guilty. He had no idea that there was a catch to this. He had assumed that if she had told Lord Naraku no, she was free again. But they would drag her to a priest and marry her to any old many off the street? No matter what she said, it was her fate?

 

His protective instincts kicked in, despite the raging guilt inside of him for his words. He knelt beside her, debating whether to hold her in his arms, or to refrain from touching her because of her new engagement. But, allowing himself this, he put a comforting hand on her back as tears rolled down her cheeks, wishing he could do more than this. His ears drooped as he apologized, “I'm sorry, Kagome…I didn't know…I just…” I love you and this hurts me so much, Kagome…

 

Through tears, Kagome spoke, “I know, you're angry, Inuyasha…I know you're upset…but…” a small sob choked through, “Please, I beg you…stay with me…I need you…”

 

The knight stared at her, as she looked up at him, pleading. “Kagome, what do you mean?”

 

Finally pulling herself together, she spoke softly, “You were right, Inuyasha…about me regretting marrying the first dope that comes along…I thought I didn't want to be a single woman, but…I know now I just didn't want to feel so alone…” She repeated, “Inuyasha…I just…I need you with me. Please, as a friend, or even a knight…just be with me…no one else understands…”

 

He couldn't refuse her this. Not ever. “I will,” he promised. “I won't leave you because of this, Kagome…I swore to protect your life, and that is what I intend to do.”

 

Not caring anymore about propriety, Kagome leaned against him for a moment, closing her eyes and replying, “Thank you.”

 

They sat like that, for only the minute they allowed themselves, before Kagome remembered she was to be married to another man. The time had come to pull apart. “Are you going to be all right?” Inuyasha asked, the worry in his voice showing through.

 

Kagome didn't reply for a moment, but merely glanced into the distance. “I'll manage.”

 

The hanyou sighed, his ears drooping once more. “But you're not happy.”

 

Glancing back, Kagome asked, “Inuyasha, do you remember the time in the Midlands?”

 

“Yes,” how could he forget? Those wonderful times he had spent with her on the way…the Midsummer festival…her words in the chapel just before their imaginary future had been shattered.

 

“Those times were the happiest in my life,” she answered, her eyes glancing back to his beautiful amber ones. “That time, with you, I will never forget, and it will always be a wonderful memory…but I will never be that happy again, I know.”

 

“Kagome, I…I wish…”

 

Their eyes met, and there was a moment of silence. “I know…I do to…but…” Kagome replied, knowing that was all they could say, in their current situation. It doesn't matter how much we want it, it is not to be. It never was, and we have to accept it…We have to move on to keep our sanity.

 

That is why I can never admit my feelings in my heart, Inuyasha…

 

 

* * * * * * * * *

 

 

The night air was still as King Sesshoumaru sat in his study, a habit he usually had late at night, staring at numerous reports that had come across the Demon Lands. Sometimes news came in from the Human Lands, brought to him from his ridiculous spymaster who seemed to think trifle matters were important.

 

In Myouga's full report, it said, “Princess to be betrothed today. Princess melancholy. Inuyasha no where to be seen.”

 

Sesshoumaru rolled his eyes as he spoke aloud. “That idiot. I warned him, but he always seems to find himself in worse trouble anyway.”

 

“Yes, but in dealing with matters of the heart, we all are, it seems,” came a voice from behind. Sesshoumaru turned, not even showing concern in his eyes. There, on the windowsill, sat Kagura, the wind demon. There was no smirk on her face, but yet, no emotion in her red eyes.

 

Her fan was open, and the king glanced at it. “You made your scent downwind,” he spoke.

 

Closing her fan with a snap, the wind witch allowed a small smile to come on her face. “Yes, but you knew I was here, didn't you?”

 

Sesshoumaru huffed, “I felt demonic power, but it was so little that I suspected it was no more than Jaken.”

 

Kagura did not look offended; if anything, she looked amused. “Always so blunt, aren't you, King Sesshoumaru?”

 

He didn't respond to that, only glared at this woman who intruded in his palace with his amber eyes. “Is there some reason you came, Kagura? Here to warn me about something else of no consequence?”

 

Shrugging, she replied, “I can't help it if I was bored, can I? Besides, Your Majesty, did it ever occur to you that there might be some things in this world that even you don't know?”

 

Folding his arms, the king demanded, “Fine then, what is it you want to tell me so badly? It can't be so urgent, since you have watched me for several days without making an appearance.”

 

Kagura was stopped for a moment. He knew she had been watching him secretly? He was indeed the most powerful demon she had ever met…more powerful than Naraku, even. “You know of the princess's betrothal, then?”

 

Rolling his eyes, Sesshoumaru replied, “Of course I know, I'm surprised there are people who don't know. But it means nothing to me.”

 

A small grin appeared on her face. “I wouldn't know about that. After all, it is your own brother who brought the princess back from this place. It was Inuyasha who fell in love with her in the Midlands, and it is now him who suffers for this mistake. After all, with her betrothed being a high lord, there is no place for him to fit in.”

 

“You expect me to care about my brother and his troubles?” Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow. “Yes, I know how he felt about her, I warned him too, but of course that impulsive hanyou wouldn't listen to me. He should know that love is only for the foolish and the weak.”

 

At his words, Kagura paused again, her eyes loosing that expressionless look, before she pulled herself back again. “True, but the real problem is not with him. But merely, with the man she is to marry?”

 

“You assume I care who she marries? He will be King of the Human Lands, but as long as he doesn't bother me, I won't need to hear from him.” Sesshoumaru turned away, angering Kagura.

 

“So you don't even want me to tell you, when you came all this way to—”

 

“You came all this way to spy on me again,” Sesshoumaru's voice was calm as he looked back at her, brimming with fury. “I can't imagine what your master wants this for, if he wants a good fight, he should come out and give it, instead of sending you to spy on me and threaten Rin.” Rin was the name of his deepest secret, the human girl he had saved and kept her hidden, out of sight, since demons here would be more than happy to kill her. Kagura had known about her, and the softer side of his heart for a while, but she had no desire to use it against him.

 

“Fine, If you don't want to hear it, I won't tell you! But it would be in your best interests to know!” she snapped, whipping a feather from her hair and transforming it to its larger form. As she sat on it, outside the window. “By the way, Your Majesty, I have never been under the orders of my master to visit you. Not once.”

 

As she flew away, she clenched her jaw in annoyance. Think on that, Sesshoumaru!

 

But later, as her anger died down, she thought, `Love is only for the foolish and the weak', huh?