InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Protector's Heart ❯ To Reach an Understanding ( Chapter 2 )

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Inuyasha; Takahashi-sama does.

 

Chapter Two: To Reach an Understanding

 

Inuyasha's mind raced as his feet shuffled. The late afternoon warmed the grass of forest that was home to the Goshinboku, leaving a pleasant smell that reminded Inuyasha of the sunny afternoons their group had once spent relaxing and talking about things OTHER than the quest for the jewel shards. He relished in the feeling of his feet brushing against the numerous sprouts of the various flowers that populated the forest in early spring. Of course he could never explain how he treasured these little things, not only because of his increased senses that his companions didn't share, but also because he'd be damned if he let them think he'd gone soft. He smiled at that thought. Keh, like you haven't? You certainly don't dream of becoming a full demon and sharpening your claws on young mikos anymore do you? No, Kagome changed all of that. I'm an entirely different person from the lonely and hurting hanyou I once was. Back then my heart was set solely on revenge. Now… Now he had often found himself wondering what it would be like to live peacefully with Kagome with their own house and their own pups. Keh, like she'd ever wanna have pups with YOU. Still it was an appealing idea.

 

Shit now where was I; I've gotten distracted again. This shit never used to happen a year ago, what is it about me that has changed so much that I can stop thinking about how angry I am at myself for fucking up and start thinking about flowers? He shuddered involuntarily. Maybe he really had gone soft. But man, I really did fuck up. She actually kissed me back, and instead of just telling Shippou to mind his own business I was baited into one of his damn stupid tricks again. He growled mildly at his stupidity as he stopped to lean against a tree. He needed at least a few more minutes to sort out his thoughts before he could even consider approaching Kagome. Still she didn't have to fucking fly off the handle like that. I mean, even for her that was just scary. He shivered again as he mused that if he had received something like that for just dismissing something like a kiss what it would be like to be caught cheating on her. Damn I got to hand it to her; I'm surprised I'm not dead after all the stupid stunts I pulled over Kikyou. Still, its too bad she had to die like that, but I had already made up my mind anyway. He smiled to himself again. Yes I had made up my mind a long time ago…

 

Shifting his weight forwards he stood away from the tree as he sniffed the air to track down what part of the spring Kagome had gone to. Lavender and the fresh dew of spring mingled with the clean scent of purity… gods I can never get enough of her scent. He took another whiff before grunting in satisfaction. The northern set of springs. Good it's the most isolated; interruptions not likely. Ok. I can't fuck this one up. She's gonna be angry, and she gonna yell at me, and she's almost definitely gonna sit me again. He straightened his posture a little and put a little bit more confidence into his strides as warm grass grew into smooth stone, and the smell of fresh water and sulfur became increasingly potent. But I just gotta bare it and not let myself get angry. And then I just got to say `sorry'. Crap I really need to say more than that, but it usually is enough to get her to stop yelling and pay attention. The smell of sulfur began to fade into the background as Kagome's scent slowly wrapped around Inuyasha, giving him further confidence that he could set things right. He took another sniff just for the hell of it. I'm close.

 

The sound of water gently lapping against smooth stone reached his sensitive ears as he neared his destination. She's probably just beyond that little set of hedges. Better be careful she knows I'm not trying to peep on her… not like the idea isn't appealing… He stifled that thought, knowing that any attempt to talk to her would be lost if she got the wrong impression as to why he came. He would come up slowly, but steadily on her and make sure to keep his eyes on the ground so she would know he had his head in the right place. Or rather was using the right head when he spoke to her. Keh better stop thinking like that or I'll be as bad as the monk before long. His musings were quickly brought to an end when the scent of tears coupled with sadness, anger and humiliation greeted his nose in full force. Shit she's been crying. No she hasn't been crying she IS crying. Shit Kagome I can't stand to see you cry- especially if its me who caused it… and it usually is- Short stifled sobs reached his ears as he tuned into the words coming out between them.

 

 

The walk to the springs had been quick and uneventful for Kagome. She had decided to use the northern end of the springs for privacy. If that baka even THINKS of coming to try and apologize I'll.. I'll… ohhhh INUYASHA… I'll sit you so far into the ground your head will stay stuck up your butt where it belongs! She stripped quickly, throwing her tattered and bloodied sailor blouse along with her skirt which wasn't too badly frayed into a satisfyingly uncaring looking pile. She quickly added her socks, shoes, bra and panties too, though she kept the now purified and complete Shikon no Tama around her neck where it hung between her breasts. This done she plopped herself unceremoniously into the warm embrace of the hot springs. Gods I always miss having my bath at home when were out on the road. But I have to admit, though it may not be a nice clean bath with bathing salts and peppermint bubble bath mix, it sure beats being dirty and soaked with sweat. She relaxed deeper into the pool as she brooded deeper into her thoughts.

 

Inuyasha… you idiot… she thought almost sadly, and cracked a half smile devoid of any joy that briefly graced her lips. Why do you always have to say or do exactly the wrong thing? You could have even cursed at Shippou and told him to… I don't know to `fuck of and mind his own goddamn business' sort of thing… and I wouldn't have even been mad. She sighed to herself as tears began to slowly form in her eyes, and she thrashed her hands against the water repeatedly in frustration, soaking her already ruined clothing. Sometimes Inuyasha could be so sensitive but sometimes… sometimes she just wanted to kill him for making such an ass of himself. The kiss had been perfectly fine. In fact it had been more than perfectly fine, it had been absolutely fucking mind blowingly fantastic. Who knew he had it in him? Well she certainly did now. One thing was for sure; it sure beat fantasizing about him and kissing the back of her hand like she had so many times before. Heck it probably beat any masturbation she could remember having, or at least every part of the process except for the release itself. But she had never imagined that a kiss could make her lose her mind like that. She suddenly realized that her mind had wandered and gently slapped herself on the thigh.

 

Damnit Higarashi, you may be a flunk out at school and bad at concentrating on your homework while questing with the group but you should at least be able to remember that your angry with him! She bit her lip and her head sunk in half-defeat. It was so hard to stay angry with Inuyasha anymore. Sure he could be a total insensitive jerk most of the time, but she had come to know him so well that she could tell when he was only doing his best to be nice albeit the fact he was being a complete idiot. Kami-sama Kagome, your so far head over heals for him at this point you might as well just start walking around on your head and conversing with your feet. It was true. While her love for him had developed early on in their journey it wasn't really until the last year that her love began to fully blossom into feelings beyond her control… that made her heart cry out for him night after night whenever she had to sleep in her bedroll and not in the comfort and safety of his arms. I never feel as safe or contented as those times, she mused. And then it wasn't until the last six months she had really started to feel physically attracted to him to the point where it had become a nearly a daily occurrence where for one reason or another she just wanted to rip his clothes off and demand he make love to her. She found that fact particularly funny when she still nearly beat him to death every time he accidentally saw her only partially clothed. If anything she should be trying to get him to see her naked so he might be bolder in his actions towards her.

 

Yes she had always loved him before but now with their inexorable separation approaching in the immediate future she found herself aching for him any time she wasn't in his embrace. If this kept up for much longer she might just have to ask Miroku to help her bare a child. Well that's not really true. Though the houshi is pretty handsome NO ONE is the personification of pure masculine perfection that is Inuyasha… AND I'm just too in love with Inuyasha to even think of let alone consider doing THAT with anyone else. Besides Miroku and Sango are promised to each other, and not only could I never do that to them because they're my friends, but Miroku would almost certainly refuse me if I DID ask. She found herself laughing through the tears as she imagined what Inuyasha's reaction would be if she went to Miroku and asked him to help her bare children. Then she blushed and her body heated noticeably when she imagined what Inuyasha's reaction would be if she asked him to help her bare children… or errr `pups' as far as he was concerned. Though most people would find it just downright strange to use such words as `pups' and `mates' Kagome found herself somehow fonder of them than `children' and `husband and wife.' Indeed, for her there was something uncannily romantic and bone shiveringly erotic about the word `mates.'

 

Bringing her thoughts back once again to the conversation she intended to start with Inuyasha later that night, she dunked her head underwater and then completely submerged, getting any last remnants of filth off of her body. Okay I'm not going to apologize to him for sitting him until he apologizes to me for being a jerk first. Then I'm going to make him be absolutely clear on how he felt about that kiss… and how he feels about me… or at least if he wants me to stay or not. The tears began to come back with a vengeance as she deteriorated into wracking sobs. How could he want me to stay when I can be such a venomous bitch like that? I don't deserve him… “Inu….yasha…you…idiot,” she said between sobs. “Can't… even… be… civil… damn that kiss…” Her crying slowly started to come under control again when she suddenly had the feeling she was not alone anymore. Goddamn him! It's probably Inuyasha that idiot! How dare he come to try and peak on me… that no good lousy… She calmed herself, though she was still crying. Way to jump to conclusions Kagome… it might just be an animal or something… and if it is him who says he ISN'T here to apologize. Just call out his name and ask if he's there…. Little baby steps, the last thought earning herself a mental laugh.

 

Clearing her throat and sitting up a little higher in the spring, she turned herself out towards the forest to see if she saw any movement. When she didn't she called out for him. “Inuyasha… is that you? Inuyasha are you out there? Look I'm not going to `S' you if you're at there so long as you weren't peeping…” She stopped for a moment and was met with a slight rustling of foliage… then silence. “Inuyasha?” she called out louder this time. A loud snap of a twig this time confirmed that someone was there. Well there is only one way to be sure. Using a true and tried technique that always identified if Inuyasha was close she very quietly whispered, “Sit!” She was rewarded with a loud thump and a groan. Yup, it was Inuyasha alright.

 

 

Oh man I am soooo dead, Inuyasha thought to himself as he heard Kagome say, “Inu….yasha…you…idiot… Can't… even… be… civil… damn that kiss…” His heart sank as he heard those words. And he was so sure that she had enjoyed it too. Maybe she was really mad that he kissed her. Of course she is you baka! What ever made you think she would WANT YOU to kiss her? Slowly shaking his head he decided that he couldn't go apologize right now. He would just fuck it up. His human heart was constricting in his chest to the point where he felt like he could hardly breath. He didn't really even want to breathe. A life without Kagome was no life at all; he had decided this a long time ago. Cursing under his breath he began to try and creep away when he suddenly froze when he heard his name. “Inuyasha… is that you?” Kagome was calling to him. “Inuyasha are you out there? Look I'm not going to `S' you if you're out there so long as you weren't peeping…” Well that's a relief, but I should still get out of here and try to talk to her later. He slowly continued his retreat. “Inuyasha?” He heard her call again. Damn bitch stop saying my name I'm not gonna answer! His thoughts distracting him for the briefest of moments, he didn't see the brittle wood lying hidden underneath some foliage in his path.

 

“SNAP”

 

Oh shit. He was screwed now he knew it… well maybe he could still sneak away. That line of thought was quickly shutdown the second he felt the beads of subjugation grow heavy and then throw him face down to the ground with a loud “THUD.” Accepting defeat he rose to his feet as quickly as the beads would allow him and strode deliberately into the clearing of the spring while keeping his eyes studying the interesting rock formations on the ground.

 

“Yeah Kagome, its me.” He said rather dejectedly.

 

Kagome seethed. I knew he was peeping that inconsiderate… pompous… JERK! She was about to sit him into the center of the earth when it suddenly filtered down into her brain that he had actually come out into the clearing and said that it was him, and without any of the usual insults or bravado. Maybe… just maybe… she would give him a chance. I can see right through his lies anyway… he is so bad at lying… especially to me.

 

“Inuyasha,” she said clearly and with a tone of authority, forcing his eyes to meet hers. “You weren't peeping on me were you?” It was a part statement, part question, and part plead for him to have been in actuality coming to do the right thing and apologize.

 

Inuyasha stared into her eyes like a dear in the headlights. Then realizing he was capable of speech he tried to talk but discovered what he was going to say would not be the wisest thing. I'm sure she'd really take it well if you said, “Of course not bitch, why the fuck would I ever wanna peep on a tomboy like you?” Oh yeah that would go over real well. Lets just start with the basics instead. “No,” he stated flatly. “I wasn't.”

 

Kagome believed him instantly and nearly sighed with relief. His tone of voice had indicated he had nothing to hide and she wanted to believe him anyway so it made it that much easier. “Good,” she voiced her thoughts. “I didn't think you were.” She paused. Well I might as well give one good turn another and give him a nudge in the right direction- who knows, it might even work, she reflected. “So Inuyasha why are you here then? I specifically asked to be alone, and I am not in any danger.” This all came out slowly, she was being careful not to use any words that might trigger a defensive reaction from the hanyou. “So what other reason could you be here for?” She added.

 

Well she certainly cut any chances of avoiding this conversation for a later time. He cleared his throat again and averted his eyes, and then very quietly he spoke, as gently as he could manage. “I just… I… look I thought…” He stopped to reconsider his words. “Look I'm pretty fucking bad at this kind of thing, but Kagome I'm sorry.” He looked at her to see what her response would be. It seemed to be good, but she obviously wanted to here more than just a little `sorry'. Not like she didn't deserve more anyway. “I… I acted like a pup. I just wasn't thinking that's all. You know I don't think before I act sometimes… I.. I just can't fucking help it sometimes y'know?” He sighed to himself feeling as well as smelling that she was already starting to feel better; so he figured he might as well just do the whole thing in one go. “I'm sorry that I lost control alright? I'm sorry that I made… you.. well… y'know,” he gulped audibly, “k-k-kiss me alright?” The rest came out in a nervous torrent. “I'm sorry I kissed you and I'm sorry that I lied to Ship-dip instead of telling him the truth, that I lost control and kissed you. Okay?” He felt scared because he was leaving himself so vulnerable so he quickly amended, “Ya' hear that I'm fucking sorry, gods Kagome.”

 

Kagome had just been along the ride as she soaked in everything he said. At some points she thought he was going to snap at her, but then when he said he was “sorry he kissed her” her blood began to boil. As she heard him elaborate that he had lost control and acted like a kid her temper began to build. How DARE he? How DARE HE play with my feelings like that? He `lost control'? What the FUCK does that mean? He acted like a kid?! Did it without THINKING?!?! HE WOULD HAVE JUST AS SOON FUCKING KISSED THAT DEAD BITCH OF A CLAY POT?! “Inuyasha…” she fumed deadly quite. “Consider your next words extremely carefully or this conversation is over. Why are you sorry that you kissed me.” He moved his lips as if to answer but she cut him off. “No let me elaborate first so YOU don't FUCK it UP? UNDERSTAND? Now, did you say you're sorry because you regret kissing me and didn't like it? Or, was it because you lost control and it could have been anyone. Or was it because you thought YOU forced ME and that I didn't like it. Or are you saying sorry just because you know it's the right thing to do. Consider your answer very carefully cause your only going to get one chance.” She finished her speech incredibly coldly and she could swear she saw him shiver from it. Good, she thought.

 

Inuyasha looked, and was extremely nervous. He knew that he could easily spout out just about anything and turn this into a disaster. Knowing his inability to do well with words he opted to try and get himself a little bit of a safety net before he tried to explain himself. “Kagome… I'm pretty bad with words,” she shot him a look like he was trying to get out of it and this was game over, so he very quickly added, “I'm not trying to get out of it or avoid your question in any way… just bare with me for one sec okay?” She seemed to go back to her cold brooding so he continued. “Just… just give me a chance to fully explain myself before you go jumping…” he caught himself, “errr… before either one of us makes a rash decision okay? I promise I'll do my best.” He looked into her eyes, pleading.

 

Not knowing what he was getting at, but deciding that he was trying to do well by her, she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and go along with his little plea. After all, there were plenty of ways that he could screw it up, and only so many that he could fix it. So what harm was there anyway. Very slowly and very coldly she replied, “Okay… but you still only get once chance… just tell me when you're done Inuyasha.”

 

Steadying himself, he decided to answer the questions in the order that he believed had the highest chance of increasing his life expectancy to more than the next five minutes. “Okay first… I… I said I was sorry that I k-kissed you because I thought I forced you and you didn't like it. I mean you did sit me into the ground…” she looked like she was about to repeat the actions of his last statement so he amended carefully, “Not like I didn't deserve it…” It seemed to placate her so he continued, a little more confident this time. “If this is the case I am sorry because I DID lose control. But I only lost control because it was you… and we had come this far and I just… I just was so happy y'know? What with Naraku being gone I could finally think of… of… other things y'know?” Her eyes seemed to soften. Soften in that way that could melt his heart. And his defenses fell to give him the courage to finish. “I do not regret kissing you. I wanted to and I did like it. B-but if you don't want me to I wont ever touch you again like that ever again `kay? And even if I had done it for other reasons, I still fucked up… so I would have apologized because it would have been the right thing to do anyway…” He paused thinking he might even be able to earn a few `brownie points' as Kagome called them. Though he didn't know what they were… she said they were yummy treats, so he had decided he would call them `ramen points'. So he did his best to earn some ramen points with his next words, though he wanted to say them anyway- they were the truth. “I saw you crying Kagome. I hate it when you cry… because I hate to see you hurt. Especially when it's me who hurts you. Shit Kagome I'm supposed to protect you not hurt you… I'm sorry I hurt you. Please don't cry anymore okay?” He looked into her eyes, which were completely unreadable.

 

Kagome meanwhile was just trying to make sense of everything Inuyasha had said. First of all he had come to her to say sorry. Then he had ensured she give him the space so he couldn't fuck up- but he did that for her sake, not his. Beyond that he confirmed that he kissed her because he was happy and had lost control in the moment, but only because he wanted to kiss her and her only. Not only did that mean he at least had some amount of physical attraction towards her, but that he had a sense of honor to only be interested in one person, which was good. He was sorry because he thought he forced her. Then he explained he wouldn't do it anymore if she didn't want him to. If that wasn't confusing her, he had actually admitted that he would have apologized no matter what because it was the right thing to do. And the last straw was when he went beyond and apologized for hurting her. He never does that. He never DID that… EVER… sure he would sometimes say sorry but he was sincerely making his best effort to set things right for my sake… oh Inuyasha I knew you had it in you. I KNEW you would grow up eventually… and now you maybe even like me like I like you... Oh kami-sama… kami-sama what do I do? Steadying herself she decided she needed more time to process the information before acting on it; she told him just that. “Look Inuyasha. I'm really glad you came and apologized like that. I really appreciate it. It's just… I need some time to think about it okay? I'm gonna get dressed and we can go back to Kaede's and get some dinner with the others. Then after dinner when they go to sleep I'll give you my answer to all this alright? I just need time to think and want to wait till we have some privacy to talk, so we don't have Shippou butt in like earlier alright?” He seemed to take it well and nodded his head. Wordlessly he threw her his haori- after all her blouse was pretty much toast. She couldn't even count how many clothes she trashed over the years in the Sengoku Jedai.

 

Inuyasha turned to give her some privacy while she changed and slowly sifted through what had happened during the whole exchange. I guess this is good and I'll just have to wait. Though I have to admit I am really nervous about all this shit… gods Kagome I hope you have something good to say to me later… She finished and walked up next to him. Flashing him a smile he returned it with one of his classic smirks and the two of them made their way side by side back to Kaede's Village.