InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Quicker Pecker-Upper ❯ The Quicker Pecker-Upper ( Chapter 1 )

I. Cannot. Believe. I. Wrote. This.

This idea came off the Monk and Miko fanfiction mailing list, when some of the members were tossing around story ideas for amusement and…somebody (I forget who exactly) suggested that Miroku be introduced to a certain little blue pill and…well…Desiree kinda snatched that idea and took off running with it.

This list is SUCH a such a good influence on my muses, ne?

Desiree: *cackling maniacally* Hell yeah!

As for the title…I can only beg your forgiveness. My sense of humor has apparently run amuck. Headfirst into a brick wall, as it appears… ^^;

The Quicker Pecker-Upper

By Quickening

It wasn't that she hated Miroku or anything, but she had to admit to having been a certain degree of highly annoyed with him for the past month or so. She couldn't exactly place her finger on what it was about him that made her so…well…irritated, but she knew that the monk was just pushing all of her buttons in exactly the wrong way, even more than Inuyasha normally managed to do, and that she needed to get away and not see his face for awhile. Preferably before she broke down and killed him or something.

She managed to convince Inuyasha to let her go home for a few days (bribery worked every time), and during those few days she spent as much time as she could deliberately not thinking about Miroku. It usually worked, too, except when she had to remind herself that she wasn't thinking about Miroku, which was kind of difficult when it seemed that everywhere she turned, something else was there that…well…reminded her of him.

It didn't help that she lived in a shrine, and that shrines were usually filled with holy relics and other such knickknacks, and that she kept stumbling across these relics that she'd seen a thousand times before and suddenly realized that just maybe they might be useful to Miroku in some way, him being a monk and all. Or, at the very least, they might provide him with a good laugh as to what they were said to do, when in fact, they were probably not much more valuable than somebody's ancient junk, like her grandfather's ofuda spells.

It also didn't help that whenever she saw a pretty, scantily-clad girl on the street, her mind would immediately proclaim, "That outfit would give Miroku a nosebleed if he was here!" Which would in turn lead her to wonder whether or not he was walking around sporting yet another bruised cheek, which would in turn lead her to violently chastising herself because she was thinking about him again, darn it!

At night, of course, it was harder to keep herself distracted, and so then she pondered on what it was about Miroku that seemed to be bothering her so much lately. She really didn't understand herself. It wasn't that he was doing anything…at least, not anything that he normally didn't already do. He'd been traveling with her for nearly a year now, and he'd barely changed at all since he'd first carried her off on her own bicycle. Maybe that was it, she decided. Maybe it was because he hadn't changed at all that he was suddenly bothering her so much. She knew she'd changed a great deal in the past year or so, ever since she fell down the well, and so had Inuyasha, for that matter, but Miroku…well, Miroku remained exactly the same.

His ever-present, happy-go-lucky smile; that always-optimistic outlook he maintained about life, even though every day they delayed in ending Naraku's, he was in danger of losing his. And most of all, that eternal "I'm-as-innocent-as-the-day-I-was-born" expression he wore when he was cheating the socks off some poor village leader or propositioning some innocent girl (or several at once; had the man no shame?!) into bearing him a child. Perhaps that expression was what annoyed her the most…especially when he was using it on the women.

And it always seemed like nothing phased him. Not angry mobs chasing them out of their village if they discovered that the "ominous black clouds" hovering over their homes usually came in the form of a summer thunderstorm, and not a hoard of ravenous youkai set to devour them all. Not slaps across the face or even more angry mobs chasing them out of the village when they discovered that their precious daughters had been rather rudely groped and propositioned by the selfsame man. Really, was the guy that dense, Kagome often wondered irritably. Didn't walking around sporting a swollen cheek or two manage to drive home the point that that kind of behavior wasn't acceptable in polite society?

Apparently not, because no matter how many times he got slapped, punched, kicked around, or generally abused in any way, he always went back for more. He was obviously a hedonist in the truest sense of the word, and it drove Kagome out of her mind!

Of course, what drove her out of her mind even more was when the playboy wasn't being abused by indignant women, but rather welcomed into their arms. Which seemed to happen all-too-often lately, much to her disgust. He seemed especially unbearable when he was surrounded by a variable hoard of village maidens, some of them hardly past being children, some of them well into being grandmothers, and all of them eager to claim his attention for themselves. As if they'd never even seen a handsome man before, the ninnies! She couldn't help but notice that during those times, Miroku looked as happy as a wolf in a sheep pen where the lambs didn't pay the wolf's presence any mind at all.

Hmmph. Well, sheep were a generally stupid lot, anyway…

She supposed, if anyone had to be blamed for her sudden inspiration to play a little…joke on her dear monk, it should have gone to her friend, Kira, who had given her certain information that led to the idea in the first place.

On Sundays, whenever she was home, Kagome usually liked to spend time at the local teenage hangout (a.k.a. WacDonalds), devouring twice-fried, artery-clogging food (if it could be called actual food) with her friends and catching up on all the gossip she'd missed during her long and frequent…illnesses. On that particular Sunday, Kira met her at their normal booth with a bright gleam in her eye that immediately sent Kagome into red-alert mode.

Now, Kira was a very sweet girl, and fun to be around, but Kagome had to admit that she could be rather…bold at times, having been raised outside of Japan for the first half of her life. So therefore, normally-taboo subjects (such as…well…anything having to do with sex) were something Kira often enjoyed discussing, openly and sometimes loudly, in public. It was no secret that she enjoyed men quite frequently, and normally had a new boyfriend (for lack of a better word) at least once a month. To be quite honest, Kira could have been the modern, female version of Miroku (minus the groping of breasts and butts, because Kira just didn't swing that way), and maybe that was why Kagome enjoyed hanging around her so much. Basically, because she made life interesting.

"Oh, I have got to tell you this!" Kira exclaimed eagerly as soon as she slid into the booth across from Kagome. "I was with my boyfriend Kyo last night. You know, the one who is really good at…"

"Uhh…yeah. I know. You've told me. Repeatedly," Kagome hastily interrupted, trying to spare herself the intimate details.

"Okay, well, last night Kyo got something…I guess he found it in his old man's sock drawer or something," Kira prattled on, as if Kagome had never spoken, "and he decided to see if he could…you know…up the intensity or something. Not that he ever needs to, 'cause…wow." She sighed, a faraway expression in her eyes. Then she blinked and shook her head slightly, as if ridding it of a memory. "So, anyway…he took it."

"It? What it?" Kagome questioned around her straw, blinking large, curious eyes at her friend.

Kira leaned closer and dropped her voice to a mere whisper. "He took…that. You know…guy-candy? It rhymes with…Ni-ag-ra…?"

Kagome's eyes widened. "Ooohhhh…" She nodded, fighting the urge to blush. "That." She'd heard about it before, from Kira, as a matter of fact, but the only thing Kira had told her was that it was supposed to give some guys a little extra oomph if they had trouble getting…it…up there. "The ones who usually take it are the old grandpa types that nobody wants to imagine having sex to begin with anyway," she'd sniggered while Kagome had turned three dozen shades of red.

Kira smirked and nodded back at her. "Well…you know what it's for, right? And I figured, why not? I mean, if Kyo is that good in the sack without it…" She trailed off with a meaningful nod of her head while Kagome started to cough on her soda. "But you know what?" she added, and leaned closer as though to impart a great secret. "Not too long after that, Kyo kinda just…lost it."

Kagome blinked at her. Part of her was mortified to actually be holding this conversation, but the rest of her (and she blamed both Miroku and Kira for that) was rather curious to know what happened. "Lost it?" she repeated.

Kira shook her head. "Poor guy deflated like a leaky balloon," she sighed.

Kagome's eyes widened again. "Really?" She…kinda had a mental image…

She shuddered. Disturbing much?

"Uh-huh!" Kira nodded. "And no matter what we tried after that he couldn't get it back up again! So…that pretty much ended our date. Kind of a bummer, huh?"

Kagome tilted her head to the side. "Is that…normal?"

Kira shrugged. "Beats me. But I've got this theory now. Since this stuff is meant for guys who aren't very skilled between the sheets, I think that when they are really good like Kyo is, that stuff has the opposite effect of what it's supposed to do. It'd make sense, right? I mean, I hear it's a pretty powerful…er…pick-me-up. It could be dangerous in the wrong hands! Kinda like giving a guy a loaded pistol or something." She sniggered into her fries at her little analogy. "Who knows, if it worked right on a real man, he'd probably end up killing someone or something. But…what a way to go, right?" She snickered again and winked.

"Eh…yeah, I guess so," Kagome mumbled as she processed the information.

So. A little blue pill could either load a guy up or shoot him down depending on his sexual prowess, eh? She couldn't help but be…rather intrigued at the idea. And it was then that the question rose in her mind of just how Miroku might react should he happen to receive such a drug.

She pondered over it for a moment, a French fry raised halfway to her lips. Given Miroku's way with women, and how they all seemed to flock to him whenever he so much as sneezed, she didn't doubt that the man possessed some kind of sexual prowess and knowledge of what turned a woman on. Even when they were slapping him across the face, Kagome had often seen pleased, even interested, looks in their eyes as they stomped away in a flurry of indignation, pretend or otherwise. And maybe she'd never witnessed him actually having sex with those women, but there had been a few times during their travels when he had disappeared with a giggling serving girl (once, with a lord's daughter when they'd been invited to spend the night in his manor), and during those times, he'd been gone for…well…hours at a time.

And then she'd see that same woman the next day floating around in a kind of happy daze and she knew what they'd been up to the night before, even though she tried not to dwell on it too much. She also tried not to dwell on how…upset that knowledge seemed to make her. After all, why should she get mad at him? She knew what he was like, and it wasn't as if it was any of her business…

Of course she wasn't jealous or anything. Pfft. That was…utterly absurd. She was just sick of having to watch the pervert putting the moves on every woman he ever came across, that's all. As a woman herself, she had every right to be indignant of his constant treatment of other members of her gender. It was practically her duty to defend their honor (even if some of them didn't want it defended). And he…he never let up! All that groping and will-you-bear-my-child-ing and…and…Of course, even when she had actually asked him, as a concerned friend, of course, if he would refrain from so much…flirting (especially in front of her), he'd actually had the gall to chuckle that deep (admittedly sexy) chuckle of his and tell her he'd be more than willing to turn his attention to her instead, if she felt so neglected.

Hah! Like she was gonna fall for that one. Stupid playboy…

So, of course, he was just begging for somebody to finally put him in his place, and as his friend, Kagome felt it was also her sworn duty to take him down a peg or two and try and teach him some proper humility. If slaps on the face didn't work, maybe something more drastic would. Something along the lines of, say, utterly embarrassing himself when he was trying to put the moves on some girl? For a guy who lived by his more primal needs, deflating that need in front of a willing partner was the best revenge Kagome could think of. Genius, she decided, giving herself a mental pat on the back. Sheer genius. The letch would never know what hit him.

"Yen for your thoughts?" Kira broke in, waving a hand in front of Kagome's face in order to get her attention. "What's got you in the Twilight Zone all of a sudden?"

Kagome pursed her lips and tilted her head to one side. "Say…um…you wouldn't happen to be able to get anymore of those pills, would you?" she questioned.

Kira's eyebrows shot up into her hairline. "Kagome, you've been holding out on me!" she chuckled, poking her in the shoulder. "So…who's the lucky dog? Is he any good?"

"Gghkk…No, no, no! I-it isn't like that!" Kagome squeaked, holding up her hands. "It's…erm…for a friend of mine, is all. Practically a…erm…cousin! He…ah…I think he might…appreciate something like that to…help him out."

"Oh, I see." Kira nodded wisely. "He's one of those guys, huh? Can't get the job done without a little push?"

"Er…right," Kagome replied with a little laugh. "He…ah…really likes his ladies but…they don't like him so much, ya know?"

Okay, so maybe she was kinda, sorta besmirching Miroku's reputation, but it wasn't all a lie, if the number of slaps he received by day was any indication. She was sure there were some women out there who turned down his advances and actually meant it…

And, so he'd probably be pissed as hell if he found out that Kagome was making him out to be somewhat less than a fully-functioning man, but…well…how was he gonna find out, anyway? And what he didn't know wouldn't hurt her…

And so it came to pass that Kira managed to procure another one of those little blue pills for Kagome, handing it to her in a nondescript little envelope with the firm instructions that, if anyone asked, it was only aspirin, and calmly went on her way, leaving Kagome to clutch the envelope tightly in her pocket and nearly run the entire way back to the shrine, hiding her treasure away carefully from prying eyes until the perfect opportunity came about to use it.

And it came a lot sooner than she expected.

No sooner was she back in the feudal era than Inuyasha was practically flinging her onto his back as they set right off after another rumor of a particularly large shard located somewhere in the north-western area…which turned out to be a false lead, as a matter of fact, that left them all in a particularly foul mood, considering that they'd had to spend two days traveling through several particularly nasty thunderstorms to reach the nondescript little village where the shard was supposed to have been found.

Tempers were short, especially with Inuyasha, who was never that pleasant to begin with, and after two separate arguments over what to order for dinner, Kagome finally told the hanyou to leave the room they'd managed to secure at the local inn and go somewhere else to sulk and besides that he smelled like wet dog, anyway. Inuyasha, obviously wounded by her snapped-out words, did exactly that, and skulked off into the forest, proclaiming that he was going back to Kaede's village now and they could find their own way back if his company was so unbearable!

Kagome moaned once the screen had slammed shut and sank to her knees at the table, where bowls of rice and stir-fried vegetables had been laid out for their consumption. "I didn't mean to say that," she muttered, poking half-heartedly at a chunk of mushroom. She sighed. "He'll never forgive me."

"Ah, I'm certain that once he's had time to cool his head, he'll forget about it. We're all rather tired and weary," Miroku assured her, calmly sipping his tea.

"I know…but…" She bit her lip. "I feel guilty. And now I can't even apologize to him. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He just…makes me so mad sometimes."

Miroku's eyes crinkled as he smiled at her around his cup. "Only sometimes?" he questioned wryly, and she made a face at him.

"I love the guy to death. He's like…like…my best friend. But he's such a…a kid," she grumbled, then blinked when she noticed Miroku's eyes on her, a strange expression on his face. "What?"

He carefully set down his teacup. "Forgive me, Kagome-sama," he began carefully, "but…I've always been under the impression that…"

She tilted her head to one side. "That…?" she offered encouragingly.

"That you are in love with Inuyasha," he finished in a rush, looking as though he expected her to hit him.

She merely sat blinking at him for a moment. Then she sighed and shrugged lightly, picking up her chopsticks to poke at a leek. "Well…I thought I was, too," she replied slowly, "for a long time. Sometimes I think I still am…but…it's hard to explain. I do love him, very much. I can't imagine my life without him, honestly." Looking down at her food as she spoke, she missed the dark expression flitting briefly across his face. "But…I wonder if…loving him is different from being…in love with him, you know? There are different kinds of love, after all. I know I don't love him like a brother, but I don't think I love him as I would a boyfriend or something, either. It's somewhere in between, like friendship, only…more. We are tied together by fate, after all. Maybe that gives us our own special kind of bond?"

"Perhaps," he murmured, studying her intently. "But if that's the case, then I believe it's fitting to think that we are all tied together by fate. After all, we are all involved in some way or other with Naraku's treachery. So…that bond would most likely be between all of us, would it not?"

She thought for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, you're probably right," she replied, perking up again. "I kinda like that idea, too, having a special bond just between us, that nobody but us can understand. It's…comforting. Anyway, I guess I'll apologize to him when we get back to Kaede's village. I'll even let him yell at me without sitting him to make up for it." She smiled at him cheerfully and he smiled back, and they continued to eat their dinner in companionable silence.

That is…until the door slid open to admit a shy, pretty serving girl who entered as meekly as a mouse and padded on delicate feet to their table, where she knelt beside Miroku's elbow and offered him a tray containing a jug of sake. "Something to drink, good monk?" she offered demurely, casting him a shy glance from beneath thick lashes.

Resentment immediately flared in Kagome's mind as Miroku visibly perked up; whether it was toward him or the serving girl, she wasn't sure which-maybe both-but she'd been having a nice meal, darn it! Why'd that girl have to go and interrupt?! She sat there, eating quietly, and inwardly stewed as Miroku struck up a lively conversation with the pretty maid, flattering her up one end and down the other with practiced ease as she giggled and blushed and seemed genuinely pleased at his obvious advances. Kagome found herself wishing that he'd slip up and grab the girl's pretty little butt, certain that'd put an end their cozy rendezvous with a vengeance, but for once the cursed monk was actually behaving himself, and so she was forced to sit there and endure the lovey-dovey display while the food turned to paste in her mouth and she had to fight the urge to gag.

As for Miroku, he seemed completely oblivious to the darkly ominous cloud that seemed to be growing around Kagome's aura, or else he was simply ignoring it. When the girl finally rose to her feet and bowed, expressing her regret to leave such fine company, he sighed and patted her hand (placing a gentlemanly kiss on the back of it that made the maid giggle and Kagome growl), asking her to return in time with some more sake. She seemed only too eager to agree as she practically skipped out of the room.

"Lovely lass," Miroku commented idly as he turned back to his meal. A disgruntled snort was the only reply Kagome had to that, and he raised an eyebrow at her, watching her glare down at her rice. "Kagome-sama, if you glare at your food any harder, it will probably burst into flame," he teased gently.

The only reaction to that was the abrupt switch of said glare to him, instead. He couldn't help but smile. "Is something troubling you?" he asked innocently.

"Nothing," she replied with the kind of sweetness that he'd learned to believe in the least. "Just a little sick of the…weather, is all." Somehow, he doubted that the weather was what was troubling her at the moment, but wasn't certain he wished to risk his life in an attempt to find out what the real problem was. So he merely continued to eat and said nothing at all.

All too soon for Kagome's liking, the girl was back with more sake, just as requested, and smiled a very inviting smile at Miroku as she placed the clay jug beside his bowl. "I'm afraid that my service is ending shortly," she began, "so I'll come in to clear away your dishes in the morning. Just leave them on the table for tonight, all right?"

"I see," Miroku replied cheerfully. "And what do you plan to do when your shift is over for the evening?"

"Oh…" She shot him a coy glance. "I'll be going to bed shortly. My shift normally isn't over for another hour, but I'm feeling a bit faint, you see."

Miroku was immediately the very picture of concern, cooing over the girl's assumed illness and was there anything he could do at all to help her?

"Well…perhaps, if it wouldn't trouble you…you might find time to offer a blessing over my quarters?" she offered shyly. "Some of the other girls were talking, you see, and they said you'd told the innkeeper that there was an ominous presence in his inn. I-I'm a little nervous to be alone…"

"Oh, brother." Kagome snorted into her teacup, rolling her eyes in disgust. Even she could be more original than that. And of course there was an "ominous presence" in the building! How else would they have managed to procure food and a room in such a fine inn when they barely had a yen between them? "Why don't you just invite him into your bed with you while you're at it?" she muttered peevishly.

There was a shocked squeak, and she glanced up to see the servant gazing at her with scandalized horror. "Oh. I'm sorry. Did I just say that out loud?" she gasped with poorly-feigned surprise. The girl just glared at her, her face turning roughly the hue of a tomato, and whirled to stomp indignantly away. Miroku gave Kagome a scolding glance and immediately got to his feet to go after her, and Kagome huffed a sigh and set her teacup down with a clatter. "Stupid monk," she muttered. "Always gotta go chasing the skirts around…"

And then…she remembered, and her eyes went wide. Now was the time, she realized. It was the perfect opportunity to put her little plan into action and teach that letch a lesson he wouldn't soon forget. So, before she lost her nerve, she reached down the front of her blue knit shirt and found the little envelope she'd tucked into her bra, tearing it open and reaching across the low table to drop the contents into his food, burying it thoroughly. She'd just stuffed the empty wrapper under her own rice bowl when Miroku returned, shaking his head. "What's gotten into you, Kagome-sama?" he asked chidingly. "That was unusually rude of you. Are you certain you're feeling alright?"

"Bad weather. Brings out the worst in me," she muttered around her chopsticks, trying to hide her guilty blush and look as innocent as possible. She fought the urge to squirm beneath the searching gaze he leveled at her, and gave an inaudible sigh of relief when he finally picked up his chopsticks and continued to eat his food.

There, she thought smugly. Missionaccomplished.

Miroku finished eating rather quickly, or perhaps it just seemed that way because Kagome was eating as slowly as she dared without looking suspicious, waiting for Miroku to get up and leave, most likely to head straight for that girl's room. But strangely, he didn't appear to be in any hurry to go anywhere; he simply remained seated where he was, sipping sake contentedly. She worried a lower lip as she cast glances at him, wondering what he was waiting for. Was he afraid she'd get mad and yell at him? She had been doing that an awful lot lately when it came to his…extra curricular activities. Well, in that case, maybe she'd better offer him some encouragement.

"Aren't you going to go…um…check up on that girl?" she asked innocently, carefully not looking at him. "She seemed very…er…nervous."

Miroku glanced up at her, raising an eyebrow. "She appears to be feeling better," he replied calmly. "I don't believe my…services are needed right now."

He…services…what?

He was actually turning down an opportunity to bed a willing girl?! Kagome stared at him in open shock. Was the world about to blow up or something?

"Is there something on my face?" He appeared to be slightly…uncomfortable, shifting ever-so-slightly in his place. The muscles around his eye twitched a bit, but otherwise he appeared to be composed. He did, however, glance suspiciously at the empty bowl in front of him that had contained his meal.

Kagome was too busy trying to figure out what was wrong with him to really notice any of that, however. "Yeah," she muttered wonderingly, in answer to his question. "Your mouth. And I can't believe what just came out of it."

He raised a single eyebrow. "Are you suggesting that I am incapable of…controlling myself around women?" he sniffed, pretending great affront. He shifted again, more obviously this time, and raised a hand to wipe at a thin trail of sweat that had trickled down his cheek. "Is it suddenly warm in here?" he mumbled to nobody in particular. He was feeling…rather strange all of a sudden…

Kagome snorted, not really hearing his last question. "No. I'm saying that you never try to control yourself around women," she told him bluntly. "Whether or not you're capable is entirely up to you." Her brow furrowed and she leaned closer to him over the narrow table, peering anxiously into his face as she belatedly realized that he appeared to be rather uneasy. "Are you…okay?" she asked suspiciously, wondering if maybe that pill was starting to kick in already.

Miroku didn't appear to have heard the question. His entire focus had fixed entirely on one point, and that point was…somewhere considerably lower than Kagome's face. She blinked and glanced down at herself.

And realized too late that the square-cut neckline of her shirt had gaped open with her movements, leaving Miroku with quite the unobstructed view down the front of it. And, of course, she would have to be wearing her lacy bra that was nothing but lace, and rather sheer, creamy lace that nearly blended in her skin, at that. Miroku was no doubt seeing a lot more of her than he'd ever expected to see, and Kagome felt her face go red. "Aiya!" she yelped, moving to throw herself back onto her cushion, one hand automatically coming up to close the gap in her shirt, but Miroku's sudden, tight grip on her wrist shocked her into stillness, even as he rose smoothly to his knees to bring his face closer to her own.

His forehead was damp with perspiration, and his eyes were nearly black and so dilated that only the thinnest sliver of violet could be seen around the expanded pupil. "Have I told you today," he purred in a deep, husky voice that sent a shiver of something primal and needy down her spine, "how good you smell…Ka-go-me…?"

Her jaw dropped and a shocked squeak escaped her throat when he drew her hand up to his lips, pressing a kiss into the center of her palm as that intent, predatory gaze locked with hers. And then she squeaked again because his other hand-the one that didn't have her wrist in a tight grip-was suddenly on her breast, cupping the soft flesh through her shirt and squeezing gently.

"Eeyack!" she yelped. "You pervmmmph!"

Miroku caught the exclamation with his mouth, which closed firmly and eagerly over hers as he released her wrist and cupped the back of her head, holding her still as he continued to boldly fondle her breast. It occurred to her to hit him…hard…but she seemed to have lost all will to move. But that was all right, because Miroku was perfectly willing to move her himself, as he abruptly wrapped his free arm around her waist and hauled her across the table and into his lap, scattering dishes and cups and leftover food every-which-way with the rather disturbing crash of breaking pottery.

Kagome thought she ought to protest, from her new position straddling his lap with her chest crushed against his and his arm bracing her tight against him. But then he aggressively bit down on her soft lower lip, hard enough to make her yelp, and his tongue was sweeping into her mouth, exploring and caressing, and she was too stunned to do more than let him. And when he sucked her lower lip between his to soothe the bite with soft strokes of his tongue, it finally occurred to her that something was going horribly wrong with her joke, but somehow she didn't seem to care as she slowly melted into him and every semblance of rational thought drifted from her mind.

She thought he groaned…or had that been her? Either way, she was suddenly changing positions again, being turned to lie on her back with him hovering over her, laying stretched between her parted legs. And there was a large, rigid something probing insistently at the juncture of her thighs and causing all sorts of interesting reactions deep in her belly and a strange, needy ache right between her legs. And when he abruptly pushed his hips forward, ramming that hard bulge roughly against her very center, she mewled into his mouth and instinctively raised her hips into his, one leg lifting to wrap itself around him almost before she even realized she'd moved.

It seemed to encourage him, because with a guttural noise he pushed into her again. And again…and again, setting a relentless, almost frantic pace to grind his hips hard against her, his entire body straining against hers as he sought release from the near-painful erection that had, for some mysterious reason that he was in no condition to ponder over, suddenly come upon him. "K-Kagome," he groaned into her ear, hearing her whimper beneath him in reply, and he lowered his head to catch her lips in another frantic kiss. "P-please," he panted against her mouth. "I…I can't…I need…"

"Aaiiieeeeyaaaaa!"

The scream was like a bucket of icy water thrown directly over Miroku's lap. He jerked his face upward with a startled squawk, gaping wide-eyed at the open doorway in which stood the horribly scandalized maid, who was ogling the undulating couple with eyes that threatened to fall out of her head.

He felt Kagome gasping for breath under him, felt her soft breasts heaving against his chest, and bit back a groan as his painfully aroused penis began to throb with renewed urgency, begging for release. "Is…something…wrong?" he asked through gritted teeth, fighting the urge to rip off his clothing and Kagome's and take her anyway, audience or no.

"I…er…heard a crash," came the shocked squeak. "I just…erm…came to see what was…wrong…"

Miroku grimaced and slowly rolled off Kagome's prone body. The poor girl didn't move. She appeared to be in some kind of shock, panting heavily and staring blankly at the ceiling with wide, glazed eyes and parted lips swollen from his kisses. Her shirt was twisted from his roaming hands, pushed up to reveal those fragrant, supple breasts in their delicate, lacy confinement, and her skirt was pushed up well past her thighs to reveal a hint of matching panties beneath. He moaned low in his throat and tore his gaze away, suddenly very irritated with the serving girl. "As you can see," he replied through gritted teeth. "We were both…quite fine. Thank you for your concern, but if you might leave us now…?"

It wasn't a request. The poor maid took a long glance at Miroku's lap-and no wonder, as his own robes had been rather skewed by Kagome's squirming and were now tangled tightly around him, his sizeable erection quite obvious to the naked eye-turned six shades of pink, and abruptly turned and bolted from the room. Leaving the door hanging open.

Miroku heaved a long-suffering sigh and slowly, rather awkwardly, got to his feet and nearly hobbled across the room. It was difficult to move, he realized with a kind of shock. His cock was so highly aroused that even the sensation of cloth sliding against the highly sensitized flesh was nearly enough to make him come in his pants. He knew he wasn't going to be able to last for very much longer…

He slid the door shut with a sharp snap, laying the slender wooden rod that served as a kind of lock across it just to be on the safe side, and then grimaced and stripped his heavy robes from his overheated body and loosened his pants a bit, trying to ease the soft pressure against his arousal. When that didn't seem to help, he gave up and finally just pushed the worn cotton aside, carefully easing himself from the confining fabric to the air, which helped lesson the tension somewhat but not nearly enough, and then turned to find that Kagome…

Was still in exactly the same position as he'd left her.

He released a soft breath of laughter as he made his way back to her, kneeling at her side to run a hand softly over her flushed cheek. "Are you waiting for me?" he murmured, an almost tender light appearing in his eyes as he gazed down at the nearly comatose girl.

Kagome's eyes abruptly snapped to meet his, and a look of panic filled her features as she came face-to-face with a nearly-naked Miroku, and even more importantly, his fully-exposed cock jutting impressively from the fabric of his black pants, engorged with blood and glistening darkly and very much not like a limp balloon. She yelped in alarm and backpedaled furiously, eyes fixed firmly between his legs. "Y-you…you stay away from me!" she squawked, pointing a shaking finger at him. "You…you…bad monk! Very bad!"

He blinked. "Bad? What am I, a puppy?" he sniffed, settling down on the floor cross-legged, with his hands draped across his lap as if he didn't care that he was exposed for the whole world to admire. Kagome gulped. Was it normal for a man to be that big when he was aroused…?

"D-don't try to change the subject!" she squeaked, her eyes darting toward Miroku's lap and away again, trying to avoid looking at the rather remarkable protrusion and yet somehow not able to stop. "W-what were you thinking?!"

His lids lowered and he laughed silently, his shoulders shaking. "I was thinking that I appear to have gained a rather uncomfortable…problem…and that you have a very lovely body, Kagome," he replied honestly. "Your breasts are especially lovely, fragrant and soft to touch…I wonder if they taste as delicious as they look."

She gaped at him. "I…you…they…what?" she squeaked, not sure whether to be pissed off or turned on by his extremely…erotic language.

He chuckled again, and she felt a flush of anger. "Stop laughing at me!" she demanded petulantly. "This…this isn't funny!" And it wasn't. Obviously, whatever Kira had told her about the Viagra was very wrong, because as far as Kagome could tell, it was reacting exactly as it was supposed to…as in, Miroku was obviously very, very much in need of some…physical gratification right then. And she just happened to be the only female within pouncing distance at the moment…

"You're right. It isn't funny." Miroku was suddenly serious again, in one of those abrupt about-faces that so often threw Kagome off-guard. He met her gaze, his own eyes solemn. "I am very serious when I say that I am on the verge of losing my control right now. I cannot ever remember being so…aroused. It is bordering on physical pain, and you…you are not safe with me at the moment."

Her entire body flushed and she cast her gaze guiltily to the side. He was in pain? Did that drug really do that to a man? It sounded…almost cruel. But then again…she was the one who had given it to him…so that made her the cruel one, didn't it? She covered her face with her hands and groaned. Great. And now she had guilt.

But then she perked up. "Wh-what about that girl?" she suggested eagerly, forgetting entirely the fact that she was the reason Kagome had slipped him the drug in the first place. "Y-you could go after her…give her the usual sweet-talk…she'll be putty in your hands!"

His chin dropped to his chest and his shoulders shook again. "An interesting notion…but the funny thing is…" Here his eyes snapped up to lock with hers again. "It isn't with her that I desire to release myself."

Kagome gulped. So…apparently the pill didn't turn him into such a mindless sex-maniac that he couldn't choose whom he wanted to be with…

…Wait…didn't that mean he wanted to be with her? To be…with her? Like that?

She began to hyperventilate.

Miroku chuckled softly as he eased himself forward, bringing his face mere inches from hers before she realized what he was doing and yelped, quickly backing away. He nearly whimpered, shooting her a kicked-puppy look that made her wince. "I…I…that is…" she stammered, wondering if she should fess up and admit that she was the cause of his current discomfort. But then…what would that do? Would he get mad at her? Would he…would he demand that she pay for her joke by lending him her body? Her eyes widened as a thought struck her. Would he…force himself on her if she refused?

Miroku read the fear in her eyes, grimaced and moved away, feeling suddenly ashamed of himself for having been so…forceful with her thus far. He'd been on the verge of taking her completely if not for that girl's interruption. And while the just the thought of sinking into Kagome's warm body was nearly enough to send him over the edge right then and there, the honor he did, in fact, possess (and yet so often ignored) held him back. More than anything, he didn't wish for her to fear him. "Kagome, please forgive me," he murmured, sighing heavily as he dropped his gaze to the floor. "I've…frightened you, I see. Perhaps…it would be best if you requested a separate room for the night. At least until…I can bring myself under control. The last thing I wish to do is harm you in any way. Emotionally or otherwise."

Kagome closed her eyes and smacked her forehead against her knee. Well, that cut it then. She took a deep breath. "Um…see…the thing is…it's kind of all my fault," she muttered, only just loud enough for him to hear her.

He froze, eyeing her in astonishment as her words registered. "And…how would this be your fault, Kagome?" he murmured. "You haven't made any…unseemly gestures toward me to cause this reaction. Quite frankly, I-I'm not quite certain what caused this…reaction." He sounded befuddled, and looked just the same as he glanced down at his lap, which was so unusual that Kagome found herself caving in entirely.

"It was something called Viagra. It's a…kind of drug for men. To…uhm…give them a little extra boost during…uh…sex. I brought it from my time," she mumbled, picking at a stray thread on her skirt. "I…I slipped it into your food, as a practical joke. But…but I didn't know it was gonna do that to you! Honest!" She smacked her head and muttered to herself, "Kira and I are going have a loooong talk when I get back home again…" She caught a glimpse of Miroku's face and blanched. "Erm…that is, if I get back home again…" she added sheepishly.

"Are you saying…you drugged my food with…with some kind of…of…"

He didn't sound angry. He didn't sound anything, really. That scared her and she curled in on herself a little. "Well…um…it's not harmful as far as I know," she squeaked. "Give a few hours and you'll be back to…erm…normal, I guess."

An eyebrow twitched. "And that makes it all okay?"

She slumped. "No, I guess not," she whispered around the sudden knot in her throat. "I really am sorry, Miroku-sama. I really didn't think you'd react like this to the Viagra. And now, 'cause I got careless, you're…suffering…" She blinked against the burning in her eyes, feeling horribly childish and guilty and stupid for thinking to play such a mean joke on Miroku, who had never even really done anything to her to deserve it in the first place. Maybe it had been jealousy that had driven her to take such a despicable action, after all.

She felt like a jerk.

There was a long silence, then a heavy sigh. "This isn't the first time I've had to deal with…this kind of thing," came the wry statement. "It's just…much more intense than usual, that's all. Nothing a few hours of…meditation won't cure." Or self-gratification, for that matter…

"B-but…you said it hurts," she sniffled. "I didn't mean to give you actual pain."

"I realize that, Kagome," came the soft reply. "And I realize you're sorry. So at least I can rest in the knowledge that you will no longer be slipping me any more of this…Viagra, did you call it?"

She nodded, then shook her head. "I won't. I only had one pill, anyway," she replied.

He nodded. "Very well, then. But…" He shifted uncomfortably once again. "Perhaps you really ought to see about getting another room now…"

Kagome nodded slowly and stood up, looking like a chastised little girl as she meekly lifted the wood across the door and prepared to leave the room. She started to slide open the door…and abruptly stopped.

"No."

He blinked. "N-no?"

She straightened her back in the way she always did when she came to a very important decision. Then, to his utter shock, she slid the door closed and once again put the rod in place. "No," she repeated calmly, turning around to face him with a determined expression. "I won't…I won't run away and abandon you like that."

His eyes widened. "K-Kagome…I don't think you…"

"It's my fault!" she insisted, stomping back toward him. She stood over him, looking down at his confused countenance. "I caused your problem, so I'm gonna help you fix it!"

He closed his eyes and sighed, a weary smile slipping across his lips. "I truly appreciate the offer, Kagome, but I don't believe youghrrg!" He choked as a pair of slender arms abruptly encircled his neck, a black head of hair nestling against his shoulder.

"I want to help you," she insisted, her breath ghosting hot against his throat, and his lower abdomen seized when he suddenly felt a soft, warm little hand closing shyly around his penis.

"K-Kagome…" he hissed, gritting his teeth so hard the chords in his neck stood out. "I-I'm going to…you don't realize…"

"Yes I do!" she replied stubbornly, raising her head to look him in the eye. "I do know what you need to do and I…I don't mind! It's all I can do to make it up to you! Besides that…" She hesitated, dropped her gaze shyly away from his. "Besides that I…I just…really want you to…kiss me again…" she admitted sheepishly, a blush coloring her cheeks a becoming shade of pink.

His eyes widened, and she thought he breathed her name, and suddenly she found herself being guided backward toward the futon spread in the corner of the room as his lips once again sealed over hers in a desperate, hungry kiss. Then she was on her back with him once again grinding his straining erection against her, this time without the restriction of several layers of clothes in the way; only her thin panties separated flesh from flesh, and she could feel him, now, much more fully than before. The sensation of that rigid length probing hard against her shielded opening made the slow, liquidy burning in her stomach grow even warmer.

And then his hands were on her body, and her shirt and bra and skirt were being nearly torn away and flung haphazardly across the room, his own pants following swiftly with a hard kick. And his mouth was nuzzling hot, wet kisses down her chest as his hands kneaded her naked breasts, lifting them to his hungry lips so he could suckle and lick and taste to his heart's content, her breathless cries of pleasure urging him on.

He continued to caress down over her stomach, reaching her lacy panties, and with two fingers pulled them with a jerk down over her hips, his mouth never leaving her breasts. But before she had time to become embarrassed at being so completely exposed before him, his strong hands were lifting her hips, and suddenly his mouth was there, closing over her core and he was sucking and licking and she was melting, burning, floating as his tongue invaded her body, curling around the little tangle of nerves that made her shake with reaction, probing into her deeply, drinking her, making love to her with his mouth.

Cries of pleasure flowed from her mouth as he swiftly built her up, preparing her, bringing her to the brink of something wonderful that she could hardly begin to describe. And then, with a final hard probe of his tongue against her core she was tumbling over the edge, but before she hit the ground his mouth was suddenly on hers again and she could taste herself on his lips, barely having time to acknowledge that before he was shifting above her, his hands spreading her legs wide. And then something else was probing at her entrance, something thick and rigid and warm slipping into her, caressing her slick channel inch by inch, pushing deep and hard into her passage until she was suddenly filled with everything that was Miroku. A deep groan echoed in her ears as a warm, heavy weight settled against her, pressed hip-to-hip as her legs tangled around him and his arms embraced her tightly.

There was pain, somewhere in the back of her mind, but she was detached, floating in the aftermath of her climax, and all she could really feel was the intrusion in her body, Miroku's engorged cock stretching her in strange new ways, pulsing against her inner muscles. He lay very still as she shifted, trying to adjust to the size and length of him, his breath coming in low groans as he waited impatiently for her to be ready. Finally, though, he appeared to reach his limit and pulled out of her, causing gasps to escape both of their throats as the movement of hypersensitive flesh-against-flesh sent streaks of erotic sensation through their bodies. He pushed back in again, straining against her as far as he could go, and she whimpered as her hips rose to meet his. And then he began to move, riding her body as he'd done earlier, and oh it was so much better with him moving inside of her and she closed her eyes and panted and gasped as he bucked against her with hard, powerful thrusts, flesh slapping against flesh as he penetrated deeply and fully into her, finally finding the release his body craved.

It didn't last long. In truth, Miroku had wanted to make it last as long as possible, as much for her pleasure as for his, but the strange drug had too much of a hold on his body and the erotic pressure only seemed to increase with each slick pull and thrust, until he felt ready to explode. And explode he did, after a final violent push, lifting her hips for the deepest penetration he could find, feeling her clench vise-like around him, and let go, crying out as his seed erupted from his body in a violent flood. He pulsed and strained against her for long, long moments as she held him in her most intimate embrace, her second release triggering an even more violent reaction than the first.

Finally, the torrent ebbed and, empty and spent, Miroku collapsed onto quivering elbows and rolled to his back, dragging her with him to drape her over his form, still joined to her body. He was reluctant to leave her somehow. He'd had other women before, but he'd never felt the urge to linger within them after he'd had his pleasure with them. But Kagome was…different. Perhaps because he truly did care for her, although he'd never wanted to admit it before. But the feel of her surrounding him, her inner walls still trembling with the aftershocks of their aggressive, passionate lovemaking, was surprisingly…good. She was warm and soft, every part of her, as other more experienced women he'd been with had not been. He wondered now if she'd ruined him for anyone else.

Somehow, at that moment, the thought wasn't so bad.

Until he realized that…Kagome wasn't moving. Nor was she speaking, but he knew she wasn't sleeping. Did she…was she regretting? "Kagome," he murmured, stroking her back soothingly. "Are you all right?"

She shifted a little. "Uhm…yeah," she mumbled, nuzzling her face into his chest.

"Are you sure?" He couldn't quite keep the smug grin off his face as he looked down his chest at her, now that he knew she was still alive.

"Can't…move…just yet. G'me a minute…" she slurred, raising her head to pout up at him. "I think you broke my back," she accused darkly, and was rewarded with a small chuckle and a squeeze to her behind that made her yelp.

"Your back is fine. You wouldn't have felt that otherwise," he teased, and she stuck her tongue out at him in retaliation as she slowly rose to a sitting position.

She immediately stilled, however, at the look that came over Miroku's face…and the definite feeling of his limp cock once again growing thick and hard inside of her. Her eyes widened as her mouth dropped a little. "A-again?" she squeaked.

"Apparently so," he croaked, closing his eyes in bliss when she shifted to better adjust her walls around his stiffening length, squeezing him tightly in the process. "Ah…Kagome…exactly how long did you say this drug would last?" he choked out, his breath panting through his nose as he sought to remain in control.

She swallowed. "Erm…I…I dunno," she admitted around a blush. "It…see, it's a guy's thing so…I don't know anything about it except for what my friend told me and…and she said that it might vary with different men (although she's been wrong before) and…and stop moving like that!" she ended on a groan, feeling his hips bouncing impatiently under her.

He grinned up at her, gripping her hips to lift her and bring her down on top of him again, making her gasp in pleasure. "Well, then. Apparently, as we may be in here for awhile…what say you to a little…experimentation?"

Kagome gulped.

Miroku grinned.

And proceeded to show her just how gratifying a good, long bout of experimenting could be.

~~~{~@ ~~~{~@ ~~~{~@

Later…much later…Kagome lay snuggled against Miroku's chest, basking in the afterglow of their many and very intense rounds of lovemaking and wondering just when in the world she was going to be able to walk correctly again. As pleasurable as Miroku's experimenting had been (and good grief did that man have an imagination!), she knew she was gonna be feeling the pain of some of those positions for many days to come. Luckily for her, the Viagra had finally worn off, but by then dawn had been well on its way and she was well beyond exhausted.

"I'm certain that if we look, we can find somebody who would be willing to draw us a warm bath," Miroku murmured sleepily in her ear.

"Mmm," she agreed.

Neither of them moved.

"As soon as I get the feeling back in my legs," Miroku added wryly, and she released a snorted giggle into his chest. "How do you think I feel?" she complained good-naturedly. "I think you pulled muscles I didn't even know I had."

"Really?"

She snorted again, slapping his chest lightly. "Don't sound so pleased about it."

There was some more silence.

"Kagome?"

"Yeah?" she muttered through a yawn.

"You said before that you didn't know the pill was going to react the way it did, even though you clearly knew what it was actually for. If you didn't expect me to become aroused by it, then what did you expect to happen?"

There was a choked sound coming from the vicinity of his chest, followed swiftly by an exceedingly fake snore. He smirked and poked her. "Give my intelligence some credit," he teased.

She sniffed. "Let's not talk right now. I'm exhausted, and we need to get some sleep before…somebody comes to clean up our mess."

"Somebody", meaning that little serving girl.

To her surprise, he didn't seem at all interested in the thought of the maid showing her pretty little face again. Kagome hoped that maybe she'd had a hand in that sudden change of heart, but at any rate, Miroku was pulling the rumpled blanket over their bodies and hugging her closer to him, and she sighed contentedly and closed her eyes, swiftly falling into a well-earned sleep.

~~~{~@ ~~~{~@ ~~~{~@

The first thing she saw when she woke up again was Miroku's face, features softened in morning light as he gazed at her steadily; apparently he'd been watching her sleep for quite some time, and she blushed in a sudden fit of shyness. "Erm…g'morning," she mumbled into the covers, earning a smile in reply.

"So…what did you expect to happen with the pill?" he asked calmly.

"Gaah!" She sat bolt-upright and glared. "Are you still on about that?!"

His reply was to snake a hand around her back and pull her closer, where he leaned over to press a kiss to her breast, following it up by a soft lick to her nipple, which immediately distended into a tingling nub beneath his slick tongue. He closed his lips around it and suckled gently, and she gasped as all-too-familiar warmth began to gather in the pit of her stomach. "Y-you're not gonna weasel any information out of me that way," she croaked, as his warm mouth skillfully nursed her breast.

"Maybe, but it certainly is fun to try. You do taste very good, you know," he replied with a wicked sparkle in his eyes, and proceeded to turn his mouth to the other breast, bringing his hand up to pinch and roll the nipple he'd abandoned between his fingers.

"Aiiyack…All right! All right, I'll tell you!" she gasped, closing her eyes against the ensuing pleasure, and his lips left her breast as he grinned up at her.

"Already? But I was just starting to enjoy myself," he teased.

She made a face at him and sat up. "Well, fine," she began grudgingly. "My friend Kira told me that she thinks when a guy is…really good in bed, Viagra will have the opposite effect of what it's designed to do."

He looked puzzled. "The opposite?"

"Erm…it'd make you…lose the urge," she mumbled.

"I see." He shot her an indignant look. "And you wanted me to lose my urge…why?"

She squirmed. "Uh…'cause…I was just…trying to play a joke on you, like I said. To…erm…teach you a lesson about your attitude toward women," she muttered. "And…I thought it'd be embarrassing for you if you lost it in front of that girl."

"I…see." He paused. "Jealous, were we?"

"No!" she yelped indignantly. Then, seeing his disbelieving look, she amended sheepishly, "Well…maybe just a little…" She scratched her head. "What I don't get is why it didn't work though," she added bemusedly.

He snorted. "I'd say it worked perfectly well," he replied dryly, "or hasn't the past ten hours or so proven that to you?" He ignored the face she made at him and added, "I do hope you'll refrain from playing anymore practical jokes on me, Ka-go-me. You may very well kill me the next time around."

She flushed adorably. "Erm…sorry," she mumbled into his chest.

He smirked wickedly. "So…you knew I'd be good in bed, huh?"

She squeaked indignantly and her head shot up so she could glare at him. "I didn't know," she protested. "I just assumed. You have that…that way with women, after all. And obviously you have…experience." He looked very pleased with himself at her description of his competence…until she added thoughtfully, "On the other hand…the drug didn't really do what Kira claimed it would do…"

His pleasure vanished in a flash. "Kagome. I do hope you're not insinuating what I think you're insinuating…" he growled, narrowing his eyes at her.

She blinked wide, guileless eyes at him, looking adorably innocent. "But…she said that…"

"And you don't know any better than to listen to idle gossip?"

She pouted. "Okay, so she did say it was just a theory, but she saw it happen with her own eyes to her boyfriend, who's supposed to be really good at this kind of thing!"

"Then perhaps the drug he took was defective in some way."

She smirked a bit. "Or maybe you're not as good in bed as you like everyone to think you are," she teased, giggling at his highly affronted expression. Her laughter silenced, however, beneath the look in his eyes. He did not look pleased.

He pounced.

She yelped and struggled, and at the end of it found herself pinned to the futon with his hands gripping her upper arms and him hovering over her, straddling her waist with a wicked smirk gracing his handsome face. "I highly suggest you don't say that again," he murmured, staring down at her through lidded eyes, lowering his hips to brush the tip of his dangling cock enticingly over her belly.

She shivered. "How come? Afraid everyone will find out the truth?" she taunted, rather breathlessly, it seemed, as his head probed lightly at her entrance.

He sniffed. "I'll have you know that I happen to be an expert at giving a woman as much pleasure as she can stand," he replied with as much dignity as he could muster. "And quite normally, I don't need any sort of help from some strange little blue pill."

"Oh, really?" A positively evil smirk curled Kagome's lips, and he gave a little yelp when her hand found his cock, which immediately began to thicken beneath her touch. "Prove it," she challenged, cupping her hand around his testicles to fondle them gently, before crooking her fingers and dragging her manicured nails up along the underside of his growing length. His breath hissed through his teeth as his forearms trembled and abruptly gave out, bringing his face closer to hers, which she immediately took advantage of by pressing her lips softly to his.

Well. How could Miroku possibly resist a challenge like that?

So, of course, he proved it.

Repeatedly.

And very thoroughly, too.

And Kagome discovered a whole new set of positions that he'd not yet taught her the night before, which left her with little doubt in her mind that as far as Miroku's natural abilities were concerned…the little blue pill was about as useful as a tic-tac.

And as he brought her to earthshaking climax for the umpteenth time, Kagome decided that maybe she owed her friend a hearty round of thanks, after all. Even if she never did intend to listen to her "theories" ever again.

End

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*blinks* What? I never claimed that there was an actual PLOT to this thing, now did I? *Sweatrop*

So…where was Sango while all this was going on, you ask?

I dunno. Flying around on Kirara somewhere, probably.

And what about Shippou?

I dunno that, either. Maybe he went with her.

Btw, I don't own Inuyasha or any of its characters. I'm sure Rumiko Takahashi would be wonderfully thankful about that if she ever got hold of this story. Eh-heh.

Explanation of the title (Because it occurs to me that some readers might not get it): Well, if you live in America (and maybe other countries, who knows?) you've no doubt seen those many Bounty paper towel commercials which sport the eternal slogan "The Quicker Picker Upper". Well…this is simply a pun playing on that. And I don't claim that it's a very good one, either. ^^ But it was the first thing that popped into my head, and the story mutated from there.

So…all in all…if you hated the story, blame Bounty. ^_~

Quickening