InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Runaway Heart ❯ One Heart Shattered ( Chapter 5 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

 

 

 

 

Nightfall.  The vast, dark blue velvet, sky above is filled with bright, sparkling, stars with the half-moon clearly seen among the few scattering clouds.  A strong, warm, wind is blowing causing the tree limbs to sway and the tall, green, grass, of the large field, bend it in different directions.  It is a very quiet night and all is peaceful now.

 

 

 

However, InuYasha is far from feeling peaceful.  (Will she go?)  “Keh!  What does that bastard know about it anyway.  Of course, Kagome’s staying.”

 

 

 

The mumbling young hanyou is walking toward the village, returning to the tree he's sat in since Kagome’s return and he’s not looking very happy.  (Kagome can’t keep ignoring me forever,) he thought to himself with determination.  (Not if I have anything to say about it, at least!!  KiKyo or Kagome?  Somehow, I’ve got to decide which one and get this shit over with.) 

 

 

 

The young hanyou passes the large sacred tree in the forest, and pauses.  His eyes widening for he sees glowing soul collectors flying around its many swaying branches.  (What do you think she’ll do?) he thought.  InuYasha’s frown then deepens as he watches the bright soul collectors slithering among the branches.  (Now what the hell do they want?)

 

 

 

“InuYasha,” quietly echoes the dead priestess’ voice.

 

 

 

(Huh?)  The hanyou quickly turns, looking in all directions.

 

 

 

“InuYasha,” the voice calmly repeats.

 

 

 

(KiKyo?  Where is she?)  The dead priestess suddenly appears before the surprised hanyou, and silently walks up, gently placing her arms around his hard body, as before.  The hanyou swallows hard, quite confused with the situation. 

 

 

 

“Um, KiKyo?” InuYasha says uncomfortably slightly pushing against her.

 

 

 

“Yes, my love,” she replies quietly, nuzzling his chest.

 

 

 

“I’m uh…well I kind of…not...  This feels really awkward.”

 

 

 

“But why would you feel uncomfortable about us?  We are lovers, are we not; sharing the same lovely moonlight together?”

 

 

 

“That’s just it, KiKyo, we aren’t lovers,” explains InuYasha uncomfortably.  “Not exactly.  I thought we’d decided this last night.”

 

 

 

“Did we?”

 

 

 

“You know we did.  All that needed said about this matter, between us, was said.”

 

 

 

“Truly, InuYasha?” asks KiKyo quietly.  “Was all said?”

 

 

 

“I thought so,” replies the hanyou, still trying to gain some space between them.  “I told you I don't have those feelings for you as I once did.”  He pushes a little harder against the priestess.  “Come on, KiKyo.  This is wrong.  You’re only making this harder on both of us, …more so than it has to be.”

 

 

 

“Do not fight us, InuYasha,” commands KiKyo softly pulling the struggling young hanyou nearer to her.

 

 

 

“I’m not fighting I’m…

 

 

 

“I know you still have those feelings for me.  They are still strong and have never left your heart.”

 

 

 

“This feels all wrong though.” says the young hanyou still slightly struggling.  “We shouldn’t be doing this KiKyo.  Someone might see.  I don’t wish to hurt you but you’re...”

 

 

 

“Hurt me InuYasha?”  The dead priestess, looks up with a small smile.  “You would never hurt me.  I know this because the bond, we share, is stronger now than ever before.  It will never be broken.”

 

 

 

“KiKyo, please,” says the hanyou sadly as his struggle lessens.  “Don’t!”

 

 

 

“Stop denying your feelings, my beloved.  Release your love for me for it is locked deep within your heart, waiting to be awakened.  For fifty years, you have slept; waited for me, that your heart has forgotten and cannot remember what once was.”  KiKyo holds the hanyou a little closer to her.  “Allow me to show you and together, we shall find the key, and unlock those lost memories, and awaken your heart.  Together, we shall find the truth of our love.”

 

 

 

“KiKyo…,” says InuYasha worriedly while still slightly struggling.  “You mustn’t keep doing this.  You know, as well as I do.  That part of our life is over now.  We can never get it back, no matter what we do.”

 

 

 

“No,” replies KiKyo stubbornly.  “I won’t believe that.”

 

 

 

“It’s the truth and we both know it.  You can’t keep doing this to yourself KiKyo.  You can’t keep doing it to me,” says the hanyou quietly, “you must let me go…for both our sakes.”

 

 

 

“InuYasha.  Why will you not allow me to release your memories?  Would you deny that which truly belongs to me; the love hidden inside your heart?”

 

 

 

“No,” replies the half demon hesitantly as his movements still, “of course not.  Not if it’s true.”

 

 

 

“I assure you it is.  And it shall be proven so, this night, if you would but hold me, for a while longer.  Allow your heart to awaken so those feelings, you once felt for me, will again be revealed to you,” whispers KiKyo smiling.  “Is that not the dilemma which plagues your heart, InuYasha?”

 

 

 

(She’s right,) thought InuYasha resignedly.  (I have to know.  Perhaps it is KiKyo and not Kagome who can bring some clarity to me.  I must allow this, if only to put an end to this turmoil inside me, so I can finally put this shit behind me and go on with my life.)

 

 

 

The half demon deeply sighs and obeys.  “Very well KiKyo.”  He gently places his arms lightly around the priestess’ waist; much as a brother would hold a sister, for although InuYasha is unsure of his heart’s true desire, he has no desire to give KiKyo any false hopes or to lead her on unnecessarily.  “Do with me what you must.”

 

 

 

KiKyo hears the hanyou’s words and feels his embrace tighten around her and smiles.  She tightens her hold on him as well, in hopes time will heal and repair the hanyou’s heart, so he may forget Kagome, and return only to her.

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

Meanwhile, back in the village, Kagome is having her own dilemma.  The troubling dream has once again returned.  The beautiful faceless lady and silver haired demon are holding one another very close.  Even in her sleep, the young miko can feel the pain coming on, surrounding her.  This time it's painfully sharp; for she sees not only the young demon and beautiful woman holding one another, but what looks like their lips are touching in a romantic kiss as well.  As their embrace tightens, the painful feeling of a knife suddenly being thrust and twisted deeply into her heart is felt.  Kagome moans as she jerks in her sleep.

 

 

 

Shippou, who is sleeping peacefully against Kagome, is suddenly awakened by her sudden movement.  He looks up at the sleeping young miko, concerned, finding her looking troubled and very much in pain.  The small fox climbs on her chest and begins shaking her.

 

 

 

“Wake up, Kagome!” cries Shippou worriedly.  “What’s wrong?  Wake up!”

 

 

 

The young kitsune’s anxiousness heightens.  The young woman continues struggling; fighting with something or someone in her dreams and he can't wake her up.  He shakes Kagome harder.  “Please!  Please wake up Kagome!” he begs.  Finally, the young miko’s eyes quickly open.  They contain the look of fear, hurt, and pain.

 

 

 

“Kagome?” says Shippou hesitantly.  “Are you all right now?”

 

 

 

The tears threatening to come, halt as the memory of her dream, once again, fades away.  Kagome with a groan slowly rises up and rubs her head.  She looks down at the worried fox, before her, and attempts a smile to calm him.

 

 

 

“Shippou?  Did I wake you?” asks Kagome quietly.

 

 

 

“Um hm,” replies the fox with a slight nod.  “I shook you, and got worried when you wouldn’t wake up.  Do you need me to wake Kaede?”

 

 

 

“No, I’m all right,” replies the miko with a slight shake of her head.  “I just have a little headache, that’s all.”

 

 

 

“Are you sure, Kagome?” asks the fox with a worried tone to his voice.  “You looked like you were in a lot of pain just now.”

 

 

 

“It’s just a headache,” replies Kagome again rubbing her head.  “It comes and goes; nothing to really worry about.”

 

 

 

“Is the pain gone now?  Can you go back to sleep?” asks the little fox concerned.

 

 

 

“No,” replies the young miko with sigh.  “I’m afraid I’m pretty much up for the rest of the night.  I think I’ll go outside, for a bit and walk around.  The fresh air might help ease my headache some and maybe I’ll be able to go back to sleep when I get back.”

 

 

 

“Can I come too?” asks Shippou hopefully.  “I wouldn’t mind walking with you and I promise to be quiet.  You won’t even know I’m around.”

 

 

 

“You need your sleep, Shippou,” says Kagome, “and, it’s way too late for you to be out.”

 

 

 

“But…”

 

 

 

“I won’t be gone long, I promise.”

 

 

 

“But he isn’t here to go with you, Kagome, and you really shouldn’t go out there alone.”

 

 

 

Kagome doesn’t need the little fox to tell her who ‘he’ is.  She knows he’s speaking of the young hanyou, InuYasha.

 

 

 

“I’ll be all right,” insists the young miko.  “Really!  I just need some time alone to think and clear my head.”  Kagome leans down and pats the young fox's head.  “Now go on back to sleep Shippou.  Ok?”

 

 

 

“But he’s…”

 

 

 

“I don’t need anyone to go with me, alright?!” she replies in a curt tone of voice, and the small fox quickly takes a step back.  A painful look enters Kagome’s eyes.  “I’m so sorry Shippou,” she says apologetically.  “I really didn’t mean to snap at you.”  She smiles at the anxious young fox demon.  “It’s just this headache…”

 

 

 

“That’s ok, Kagome,” replies the fox tyke shyly, watching the young miko stand.  “I’m just worried.  Do you really have to go out now?”

 

 

 

“I’m only going out for some fresh air.  I’ll be right back,” replies Kagome walking toward the door.  “Now it’s late Shippou.  You should go back to bed.”

 

 

 

The small fox, watches the young miko as she walks away from the hut toward the dark forest.  “Please, Kagome,” he whispers, wiping a tear and sniffs.  He lies down but still watches the door.  “Please come back to me.”

 

 

 

Kagome continues rubbing her head for it is still throbbing from the dream.  Where she's walking to, she doesn't know or care.  She only wants the pain to stop and the strange dreams and events of the past few days to make some kind of sense to her.

 

 

 

(Why is it taking so long,) she thought with a frown?  (I want to remember, don’t I?  Sango, Miroku, Shippou, they all remember me, so why can’t I remember them?  And what’s the deal with that hanyou?  I don’t seem to want to look at him at all.  Is it possible he hurt me, caused me to lose my memory somehow?)  Kagome slightly shakes her head.  (No.  He wouldn’t do that.  Not intentionally anyway.  I mean sure, he’s a little rough around the edges and a little crude, but he’s kind of cute.  From what I’ve seen of him his ears are his best feature.  I wonder what it would feel like to touch them.)  Kagome gives a slight laugh.  (Doubt he would even let me.)

 

 

 

The young woman stops her musings to look around her finding she has come upon the one site she feels she shouldn't be in.  The familiarity of it is almost overwhelming.  (This place,) she wonders looking up toward the large tree, its branches swaying in the night breeze.  (It looks familiar but, then again, it doesn’t.  And what’s with all those moving lights?)  Watching the strange glowing lights, the young miko slowly walks toward the strange tree.  But the closer Kagome comes to it the more frightened she becomes.  Her heartbeat quickens.  (I’m scared.  Why though?  Should I turn around and leave?  Is there something here?  Something that…)  Curious as to what may be frightening her, Kagome slowly pushes the thick brush aside with a trembling hand.  Her heart gives a painful beat as Kagome’s eyes widen at the sight she beholds. 

 

 

 

(No!)  The painful image before her, brings it all back; the lost, painful memory.  The memory of betrayal, and the loneliness of her heart.  Kagome slightly shakes her head in disbelief as tears well up in her eyes.  (It…it can’t be him!  It just can’t!  Not again!)

 

 

 

Kagome now realizes the identity of the strange silver haired demon, from her dream.  It’s InuYasha.  The one whom she has loved for so long and somehow has come to believe he may love her as well.  Her breath catches and the pain in her head and heart worsen for KiKyo, knowing Kagome is watching, quickly tightens the embrace and passionately kisses the young hanyou.

 

 

 

InuYasha is shocked at the sudden change of events, and too bewildered to know what is happening.  (Wha…what’s KiKyo doing?)  He slightly pushes against the dead priestess, trying to break the sudden kiss as she tightens her hold on him.  (Why won’t she let go of me?)

 

 

 

“Why InuYasha?” whispers Kagome sadly.

 

 

 

(What?)  The hanyou’s eyes widen and he suddenly stills for not only did he hear Kagome; this time the wind is with him.  Salt, pain, wildflowers.  They gently blow around him suddenly attacking his delicate senses.  (Kagome?  No!  Not her!  It can’t be!)  Panicked, InuYasha tightly closes his eyes, hoping against hope it’s just an illusion.  (Kami, she can’t be seeing this.  Not again.)  He struggles harder against the priestess.  (Kagome’s around her somewhere!  She’s watching me fucking betray her… with KiKyo no less!  Damn it, how can I… I’ve got to stop this shit now.  I have to before…before Kagome leaves me.  She’ll leave here and I’ll never see her again!)

 

 

 

A tear falls from Kagome’s pain filled eyes and she, closes them tightly.  (Oh Kami, why?  I don’t want to see them like this!)  She fervently shakes her head.  (I can’t do this anymore!)  Kagome releases the bush and runs.  “I’ve got to get away from here.”

 

 

 

Hearing her words and the sudden rustle of the bushes behind him InuYasha breaks the kiss.  “Kagome wait!” he yells quickly pushing the dead priestess from him, causing her to lose her footing and fall back hard against the tree.  When InuYasha turns he finds the young miko is gone; vanished, just as he feared; nowhere to be seen.  “You!” angrily growls the young hanyou slowly turning toward the priestess.  “DAMN YOU, KIKYO!”

 

 

 

“Something displeases you, my love?” asks KiKyo innocently.

 

 

 

“You’re damn right, something displeases me, bitch!” growls the hanyou angrily and points a clawed finger toward KiKyo.  “You fucking USED me, didn’t you?!”

 

 

 

“Used you?” asks the priestess with a slight laugh.  “Whatever for?”

 

 

 

“Don’t you dare play the innocent with me!  You used me to hurt Kagome, didn’t you?!”

 

 

 

“Oh?” replies KiKyo.  “Did I?”

 

 

 

“You, damn well, know you did!” accuses the angry hanyou.

 

 

 

“Now why would I want to hurt her InuYasha?  She’s no threat to me.”

 

 

 

“Exactly!  Kagome’s done NOTHING to hurt you bitch so why would you hurt her like this?!  Are you really that spiteful; that fucking jealous of her?”

 

 

 

“I… jealous?  I have nothing to be jealous of InuYasha.”  KiKyo smiles and gives a small laugh as she looks at the angry young hanyou’s confused expression.  “Feeling lost, are you?”  She laughs louder.

 

 

 

The hanyou frowns.  “You find it amusing to hurt someone like that?”

 

 

 

“Amusing?  Not at all,” replies the dead priestess smiling, “but I do find it most interesting.”

 

 

 

“Why?!”

 

 

 

“Your faith?” says the priestess.

 

 

 

“Huh?”

 

 

 

“Surely you remember your words to me, when last we spoke.”

 

 

 

“Yeah, I remember.  So, what of it?  I meant every damn word I said.”

 

 

 

“Did you?  The look on your face tells me otherwise.”

 

 

 

“What do you mean?”

 

 

 

“I mean, your faith isn’t as strong as you proclaimed it to be.  And what, of Kagome’s faith?”

 

 

 

The hanyou gives a confused look toward the direction of where the miko ran off.  “Kagome’s…faith?”

 

 

 

“Yes, InuYasha,” replies KiKyo with a slight nod, “her faith.”

 

 

 

“Mind telling me what you’re talking about?” growls the hanyou, turning his attention back to the woman with him.  “What does Kagome’s faith have to do with this?”

 

 

 

“We have a bond; she trusts me completely,” quotes KiKyo mocking the hanyou.  “Such grand words of loyalty and friendship between the two of you.  Yet there she goes and you are still standing here.”

 

 

 

“My words were true, KiKyo!” replies the hanyou angrily.  “Every damn one of them!”

 

 

 

“Really InuYasha?  I have to wonder.  At this moment, Kagome feels betrayed.  If you go after her, tell her there’s nothing between us, do you think she would believe your words?  Do you honestly believe her faith and loyalty to you to be truly that strong?”

 

 

 

“Of course, it is.  She believes in me.”  A look of worry enters his eyes.  “Doesn’t she?”

 

 

 

“It would seem, InuYasha, you, yourself doubts her devotion.  After all she is a stranger from another world.”  The dead priestess again begins laughing.  “One who does not belong.  What Kagome has just witnessed here this night; she would be a fool to believe your words now.”

 

 

 

“Damn you bitch!” growls the hanyou clinching his fists.  “Why would you...this ain’t how it’s supposed to be!”

 

 

 

“You’re wrong,” says KiKyo with a frown.  “This is exactly how it should be.  You cannot change our destinies InuYasha!  I cannot change them.  Our fates have once again been joined where you and I are destined to live out our lives together, to embrace our deaths as one.  A fate which cannot be altered.”

 

 

 

“We’ll just see about that, bitch!” growls InuYasha angrily and he does the only thing he can.  He turns, leaving a surprised priestess behind, to quickly chase after Kagome.  The young half demon doesn't know what to tell the young miko; just he’s got to find her.  (Kagome’s got to listen to me, damn it; to let me explain,) he thought worriedly.  (I won’t be able to take if she were to hate me or…or leaves.  I just can’t.)

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

Kagome is running, as before, in the same direction; her eyes blinding her with tears.  The stiff branches, of the brush, and low-lying limbs of the trees are slapping against her arms and legs, scraping her skin and drawing blood.  However, she doesn't feel the pain they bring.  Only the pain of her heart breaking is felt, as her mind cruelly replays what she has just witnessed back in the clearing.  It is the most prevalent image in her mind.  The young woman is completely shattered; her heart crushed.  Kagome wishes to run away and hide, to find a dark hole in which to crawl into and never come out so she may never have to witness InuYasha kissing KiKyo ever again.

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

InuYasha is anxiously following close behind, angry with himself for allowing KiKyo to use him to hurt Kagome.  (I never would have believed KiKyo to be so cruel.  What did she hope to gain by hurting Kagome, like this?  What possible motive could she have had?  Well, I’m not losing Kagome again damn it!  Not to her and not like this!)  The young half demon continues on; looking in all directions, calling Kagome’s name while smelling the scent of salt from the young miko's tears, becoming angrier still, knowing he is truly the cause of them.  However, he is also thankful.  For the strong scent makes it easier for him to track her.  (Please, forgive me, Kagome,) his mind yells!  (I didn’t mean to hurt you.  I didn’t.  You’ve got to believe me!)

 

 

 

InuYasha wonders how KiKyo had kept him chasing her for so long.  For it is clear to him now, who the true owner of the soul his heart has been calling out to is.  It’s Kagome.  Since the incident with the spider demons, his heart has been calling out to her, yearning, desperately waiting for her heart to answer.  Anxiously he follows the trail of broken shrubbery; smelling the scent of her tears as well as the blood from her many scrapes and scratches.  Then suddenly, just as before, the young miko’s scent begins fading away.

 

 

 

(What the…) thought InuYasha worriedly stopping his pursuit?  He sniffs the air.  (Kagome did come this way, didn’t she?  Where’s her damn scent?  Where is it?)  InuYasha drops to the ground, sniffing.  (Kami please.)  InuYasha takes off, running faster, following what’s left of the miko’s fading scent.  “Let me find Kagome before another demon does.  Don’t allow any harm to come to her or allow her to get away from me again!”

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

Kagome returns to the forest she had left only a few short days ago.  After frantically shoving low tree branches aside and pushing through the strange bushes, the young miko tires, slowing her pace for the memory of the rock; she ran into before, is still fresh in her mind.  She is breathing heavily when she walks into the strange clearing and leans against the large rock for balance and to catch her breath.

 

 

 

“Waits for pretty lady, Astroth does!” says the small demon happily in her high-pitched voice, startling the miko.

 

 

 

“Huh?  Astroth?”  With eyes wet and red from tears, Kagome sadly looks up toward the young demon.  “Why are you here?”

 

 

 

“Astroth waits!”  The demon's face takes on a hint of sadness as she cocks her head to the side.  “Why lady cry?” she asks curiously.  “Kagome creature like it here, do not?  In Astroth’s forest, forget you will, what hurts you.  Kagome creature again can be happy!”

 

 

 

(Forget… what hurts me,) thought the young miko sadly?  (If only I could, but I don’t think that will ever be possible.  Not if I live a thousand years.)  With a defeated look, Kagome slides down the side of the rock to the ground and allows the pain to flow from her heart.  For she has been betrayed not once but twice by the one man she knows she will ever truly love.

 

 

 

(Why?  Why was I such a fool,) she thought sadly?  (Why, do I, keep believing in him when time and time again he…?  It’s not like I want to feel this pain.  I don’t.  It’s just so stupid.)  Kagome absently picks up a rock and throws it.  “I should just accept it.  InuYasha doesn’t want me, and he never will,” she says in a strangled whisper and a slight shrug of her shoulders.  “Each time I offer InuYasha my heart he crushes it like it was nothing; like I’m nobody!  I should just give up on him.  Let him go be with KiKyo if that’s what he wants.  I don’t care.  Then he won’t ever hurt me like this again.”  Kagome turns her attention to the ground.  “Problem is I don’t want to let him go!  It’s just too painful.  But if KiKyo is who he truly loves then…”  Her tears again begin falling freely, and she pulls her knees up to her chest.  “Oh how I wish I could go home now!  Just leave this era and never see InuYasha again!”

 

 

 

(Understand not, Astroth.  Pretty lady like Astroth’s Forest not?  Why,) thought the small demon curiously watching the sad young woman below her?  (Hurt her much, this demon of which she speaks.  Make her better Astroth can.  Protect pretty lady, can care for her.  Pretty lady, forget and not hurt anymore.)  The young demon sighs.  “Why pretty lady with Astroth happy not?”  The young demon continues watching the sad young miko until another sound catches her attention.  She frowns as she looks toward its source.

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

A short while after Kagome’s arrival InuYasha, panting heavily crashes through the heavy bushes, running into the strange clearing.  His bright amber eyes quickly search out the area, for it is truly unknown to him.  (Her scent ends here,) he thought anxiously.  (So where is she?  Where is her scent now?  More to the point, where is here?  Is Kagome in danger?)  The young hanyou first hears a distressing sound and his hand quickly goes to the hilt of his sword, seeking out any signs of danger and finding none.  Following the sound the hanyou walks further into the clearing, and soon finds the source of the distressing sound.  The young miko sitting behind a large rock, crying.

 

 

 

“Kagome?” InuYasha breathes almost in a whisper.  The young miko's back stiffens as she quickly wipes her eyes.  The hanyou breathes a deep sigh of relief in finding the young woman safe, and walks closer while reaching out.  “Don’t run, Kagome,” he softly commands.  “Stay and…and listen to me.  That’s not what it looked like, back there.  Really it’s not.”

 

 

 

“Why here, ye be, demon?!” cries Astroth angrily stomping her foot.  “Pretty lady ye come for?  From Astroth, take lady not!  To Astroth, friend, she be!”

 

 

 

The small demon is being quite temperamental, but at this moment, InuYasha's only concern is for the young woman he had been chasing through the forest.  He ignores the small angry demon and, with worry in his eyes, reaches out to gently touch the young miko's shoulder.

 

 

 

“Kagome?” he says quietly.

 

 

 

“Why InuYasha?!” cries Kagome sadly.  The hanyou quickly draws his hand back.  “Just tell me that, huh?  Tell me why?!”

 

 

 

“Kagome I...” stammers the hanyou, not sure how to answer.

 

 

 

“You want KiKyo, I get it already.  So why come after me?  Why go on hurting me like this?  Do you get some perverse pleasure in hurting me or something?”

 

 

 

“No, I …you’ve got to believe me, Kagome, I didn’t want to hurt you at all.”

 

 

 

“For such a long time, I wanted so much to believe I had some kind of future with you InuYasha; that I could find happiness!  But I see now that was all wrong, that I was just fooling myself and wasting my time.”

 

 

 

“You don’t understand,” explains InuYasha.

 

 

 

“Don’t I?” questions the miko sadly.  “I saw what you two were doing.  You were kissing.  And not just any kiss either.  Oh, I tried InuYasha, really tried to pay no attention to it; tried to ignore it.  But watching you constantly run after KiKyo every time she calls out to you or when you see her stupid catchers flying around… I feel like a complete idiot…a fool!  And it really hurts, InuYasha, hurts me to see you with her, holding and kissing her like that.  And Kami only knows what else you’ve been doing with her.  I’m just so stupid, waiting for you all this time!”  Kagome places her hands over her eyes.  “Oh Kami, please just let me die!”

 

 

 

“Don't,” whispers InuYasha quickly grabbing Kagome’s shoulders and drawing her nearer to him.  “Don't you ever say that again Kagome.  You understand?  You must never ever tempt the Kami that way.”

 

 

 

Suddenly, realization hits the young half demon and his eyes widen.  (She’s…What’s this,) he thought confused?  (Kagome.  Her body, it’s… it feels so soft and warm in my arms.)  InuYasha tightens his hold.  Closing his eyes, he takes in a deep breath of air finding the young woman’s fragrance, most invigorating, more so than before.  He feels her heart beat, against his chest, stimulating him just as well.  The surprised young half demon can feel her vibrancy seemingly flowing from her body into his, bringing him promises of untold pleasures.  (How could I have missed this?  I’ve held her before, but this time, Kagome’s making my whole body hot and…and, damn it, I’m… I’m shivering.  I can’t let go of her.)

 

 

 

These new feelings, these sensations were what the young half demon has been searching for in KiKyo and couldn't find.  Feelings he needs to feel complete.  InuYasha holds the young woman closer to sniff and nuzzle her while speaking softly in her ear.

 

 

 

“You can’t leave me, ok?”

 

 

 

“Oh, I can’t, huh?!” asks the young woman becoming angry and she tries pulling away from the hanyou.  “Well let’s just see about that!”  She struggles against him more.  “Let go of me InuYasha!

 

 

 

“Stop it!” commands the hanyou tightening his hold.  The young woman pauses.  “Can’t you understand, Kagome?  I can't lose you.  I… I need you.”

 

 

 

“Yeah, right…you need me?” says Kagome disbelievingly.

 

 

 

“That’s right, damn it, I need you.”

 

 

 

“Only as a shard detector.”

 

 

 

“You’re wrong.”  He hears the young miko softly sniff.  “I really need you Kagome, to be by my side,” he whispers.  “You’re precious to me.”

 

 

 

“You’re only saying that because of the shards.”

 

 

 

“No I’m not.”  InuYasha slowly turns the sad miko around and lifts her chin to look into her eyes.  Finding tears falling, the hanyou leans down to gently kiss each salty cheek where a tear had fallen.

 

 

 

“I need you, with ME, Kagome.  I…need… you.”  Slowly, InuYasha lowers his head to timidly brush her soft, warm lips with his.  There is a strange burning, tingling sensation he has never felt before.  Surprised, not sure of what he just felt the half demon draws back.  (What was that?)  Curiously, InuYasha leans down and lightly kisses her again.  The sensation is stronger, more exciting, pleasurable and intense.  (What the hell?  This feeling.  It’s so strong.  It’s … never have I felt anything close to this when I kissed KiKyo.  Never!  If I kiss her again, will I still feel it?)

 

 

 

With wet eyes Kagome timidly looks up, into his inquiring eyes.  “Inu…”  Suddenly her mouth is covered with his as he plunges forward; grabbing her lips in a hungry kiss, crushing her body against his chest, as he draws deeply of what he can, as if starving for the sensations she brings.

 

 

 

Once the kiss is finally broken, InuYasha is trembling more and out of breath.  A strange feeling is left deep within him, much like a small fire beginning to burn.  The half demon looks down into Kagome’s wide brown eyes, searching.  For what, he doesn’t know.

 

 

 

(I don’t understand this.  Where can these feelings, be coming from,) he thought, staring deeper into the miko’s eyes?  (Is it truly Kagome?  What can I do to be sure?  What?)  Slowly, InuYasha lowers the young miko onto the ground, while tenderly kissing her, and lays his head into the crook of her neck.

 

 

 

“Kagome.”  The distressed sound of her name comes from deep within the disturbed hanyou.  “What are you doing to me?”

 

 

 

“Huh?  Doing?” replies the young miko hesitantly.  “Are you alright, InuYasha?”

 

 

 

“No, damn it I’m not,” replies InuYasha with slight shake of his head.  “I…don’t understand.  Not any of it!”

 

 

 

“What?” asks Kagome worriedly.  “What can’t you understand?”

 

 

 

“This,” replies InuYasha.  “Kagome…I…I think I love you.”  He slightly shakes his head.  “No, that’s not true at all.  It’s more than that.  With my whole being I know it.  I know I love you.”

 

 

 

“Me?” asks Kagome sadly.  “But what about…?”

 

 

 

He quickly looks up, hunger showing deep in his eyes.  “It’s you, Kagome, alright?  All this time, it’s been you.”

 

 

 

“But why?” asks the miko confused.  “How can you possibly say you love me when you constantly run off to be with KiKyo?  I don’t understand.”

 

 

 

“And you think I do?” replies the hanyou anxiously.  “I just know it’s you, Kagome, my soul’s been calling to.  And you’ve been calling to me as well.”  The hanyou anxiously touches the miko’s chest.  “From inside here.  I just never realized it before.  I guess with looking for shards and fighting demons…I never saw it.  Or maybe I just didn’t want to but…it is you.  You’re the only one making my body and soul feel complete.  And … well I think I complete you too Kagome.  From the first time we met, there has always been something; something special between us, I couldn’t quite understand.  So, I let it go, ignored it.  But now I can’t ignore Kagome.  I know what that special something is now.  And why I could never separate you from KiKyo so easily.  You both were the same to me.”

 

 

 

“I’m sorry InuYasha, but I’m not KiKyo,” says Kagome sadly.  “I never will be.”

 

 

 

“Hell, I know that.  It’s taken me a hell of a long time, to finally realize that fact but I know you’re both quite different.  Not on the outside maybe but in here,” says InuYasha again pointing to Kagome’s chest.  “In here is what separates the two of you.  You’ve given me nothing but your complete trust, Kagome, where KiKyo could not.  You accept me, never asking any more, of me than I was ever willing to give.”

 

 

 

“InuYasha,” whispers the young miko; her heart beginning a strange dance.  “I can’t…”

 

 

 

The young hanyou looks fearfully into Kagome's confused eyes.  “I wish to give you so much more, Kagome…much more of me.”

 

 

 

(More of him?  What is he saying,) thought Kagome hopefully searching his golden gaze?

 

 

 

“What you saw back there, between me and KiKyo…”

 

 

 

(Oh.  KiKyo again,) she thought disappointed, and cringes from the images the young hanyou’s words had provoked.  (Probably going to ask my forgiveness.)  “You don’t have to explain, InuYasha.  I understand perfectly how you feel about her.”  She attempts to pull away.  “We should be getting…”  InuYasha firmly takes her chin in his grasp gently forcing her to look back at him.

 

 

 

“Don’t,” replies the hanyou.

 

 

 

“Let go of me!” says the miko while trying harder to pull away.  “I’m…I’m going home!”

 

 

 

“No,” replies the half demon tightening his grip.  “You’re not going anywhere, Kagome, until you hear me out!”

 

 

 

Kagome jerks harder.  “Let… me… go!”

 

 

 

“Stop it!” the hanyou replies with a slight shake of his head and tightening his holds.  “I’ll never let go, Kagome.  You understand?  So don’t try pulling away from me again,” he says in a quieter voice.  “Just sit there and listen to what I have to say and …and then I’ll let you go if that’s what you want.  Deal?”  The young woman stills, looking suspiciously in the hanyou’s worried amber gaze, and then nods.  “Good,” says the hanyou.  “Now what you saw, back there, between KiKyo and me, was a mistake.”

 

 

 

(Oh really,) thought the miko sadly?  (A mistake?  Yeah, right!)  She slightly shakes her head.  (You knew exactly what you were doing.)

 

 

 

InuYasha softly rubs her cheek.  “I tried forcing myself into loving KiKyo because she was all I knew.  Because I thought it was expected of me, to belong.”

 

 

 

Kagome gives a quiet sniff.  “Really, InuYasha, you don’t have to say anymore.”

 

 

 

“Oh yes I do, Kagome,” he replies a little gruffer than intended.  “So shut the hell up and listen, ok?”  The young woman becomes silent and nods.  “When KiKyo and I first met,” continues the hanyou calming his voice, “she was the first human female I’d ever seen.  And she was kind to me.  Oh, she’d chase me around a bit, pin me against a tree a few times but she didn’t kill me.  In fact, KiKyo was the only one who ever showed me any kind of civility or acceptance.  Or what I thought was acceptance, anyway.  Keh, I thought it was the best I could get in this cursed world, of ours, until you came crashing into my life.  Since then, it’s never been the same.  But then KiKyo came back and I thought I needed to be with her, to care for and protect.  But I was wrong.  I finally learned how to laugh, Kagome, to love life and finally trust again; not only in others, but in myself.  I feel like I belong now.  I have friends who accept me as I am and I’m able to accept myself as well.  I never really thought I’d have friends, until you Kagome.  You're a true and complete friend to me.”  The hanyou smiles.  “Hell, you've become more than a friend.”

 

 

 

“Please, InuYasha…don’t…”

 

 

 

“I know you’re not KiKyo, alright?” continues the hanyou.  “And that’s ok.  I wouldn't want you as KiKyo anyway.”

 

 

 

“You… wouldn’t?” ask Kagome timidly as she again sniffs.

 

 

 

“Hell no,” replies the hanyou.  “I want you as you Kagome…the young woman, from a strange world, who can do miracles, with a lowly half demon.” 

 

 

 

“InuYasha.”  The young miko momentarily forgets to breathe.

 

 

 

“So can you…could you possibly love and want me as InuYasha; the lowly hanyou?”  InuYasha swallows hard.  “Can you…will you accept me, Kagome?”  The young hanyou continues to look deeply into the young miko’s wide eyes; afraid she will now laugh and send him away.

 

 

 

Astroth curiously watches this strange encounter between her new found friend and the interfering half demon.  She sees the deep feelings showing in the hanyou’s eyes and hears the sorrow in his voice as well as see the hesitancy of her friend and the faint look of hope shining in her eyes.  The young demon looks at both of them bewildered but then slowly nods.

 

 

 

(Understand, Astroth do not,) the small demon thought curiously.  (Did not pretty lady come here?  She sad.  Wants to stay pretty lady does.  To stay and forget.)  The small demon slightly shakes her head.  (Help her do this me can.  Go away again, pretty lady must not.  To big sister send word, Astroth will.  Tell Astroth what to do.)

 

 

 

Quietly the small demon climbs down from her rock and walks from the quiet clearing, to find a messenger, to send word to her sister.  For Astroth is the guardian of this strange forest and knows all who enter, demon or mortal, have a need; a strong need to either find or forget.  She cannot interfere.

 

 

 

Kagome sits quietly, looking to the ground.  Her raven locks hiding her frightened angelic features, her heart beating faster.  (How can I answer him?  What does InuYasha want me to say?)

 

 

 

The young hanyou sits beside her, nervously waiting for the young miko’s answer.  (Oh, hell, did I end up making Kagome mad?  Maybe Miroku was right.  There really is someone else.)

 

 

 

(Does he really want me for me, or is it the shards he’s worried about?  And what about KiKyo?  Is it true he doesn’t want to be with her anymore?  How will I know?  Am I strong enough to find out?)

 

 

 

(Why the fuck is it taking her so long to answer, damn it?  Is she going to send me away or what?  Is she thinking of leaving?  Why won’t she just go ahead and sit me already and get it over with?)  Occasionally, InuYasha would give a worried sideways glance toward Kagome to see if she’s truly angry or not.  A frown creases his forehead.  (Why the hell doesn’t she say something?)

 

 

 

After a long silence Kagome sniffs and wipes her eyes.  “InuYasha?”

 

 

 

“Huh?”  The break in the silence is like thunder in the hanyou’s ears and he slightly jumps.  “Uh, yes Kagome?” answers the hanyou timidly.

 

 

 

“My heart is still hurting.  Can you… fix it for me?”

 

 

 

“Fix it?”  The woman gives a quick nod but doesn’t look his way.  The young hanyou lifts his hand to pull her long hair behind her shoulder.  “I’ll try, Kagome.  Tell me what is it you wish me to do?  How can I fix it?”

 

 

 

Kagome lifts wet, tear-filled eyes toward the anxious hanyou.  “Can you love me… just a little bit, InuYasha, so I can feel special… just once?”

 

 

 

InuYasha smiles, “Just once?”

 

 

 

“Um, hmm,” replies the young miko with a slow nod.  “Just once.”

 

 

 

“Just once, huh?” whispers InuYasha lowering his head, and he tenderly kisses Kagome.  He lifts a clawed hand and softly touches her face, wiping the few strands of hair from her eyes and dries her tears.  He then leans in lightly nuzzling, nipping, and licking the inner part of her neck, causing the young miko to shiver.  Briefly, InuYasha lays his head on Kagome’s shoulder; his breath shuddering against her fair skin.  (How, can I do this,) he thought nervously?  (Is this really what I need?  What about Kagome?  I can’t just fuck her and that be it.  Not her!  Kagome’s not like all the others.  Damn it, what the hell do I want?)

 

 

 

Kagome timidly reaches up to entwine her small trembling fingers in his long thick silver white tresses.  InuYasha slowly lifts his head and look down at her questionably.  “Kagome?”

 

 

 

“InuYasha.”  Seeing the unhidden desire, the naked fear, shining in the young half demon’s bright amber eyes almost stops the miko’s heart.  Kagome loves this young hanyou dearly and, no matter what it may cost her, would do anything for him.  (Can I really do this,) she thought worriedly?  (How?  Can I…can I really please InuYasha?  What if I do something wrong?)

 

 

 

Again, the hanyou softly kisses her.  “Just once?” he repeats in a softer whisper and lightly nips and licks the young miko’s lips, silently asking for entrance.  Without hesitation she slowly opens for him and his tongue rushes in to taste her sweetness while joyfully dancing with her tongue.  (Kagome,) thought InuYasha with a strange feeling of relief.

 

 

 

Suddenly, the half demon’s mind is flooded with strong feelings and emotions, totally surprising him.  He pulls the young woman closer and deepens the kiss; deeply breathing in her fragrance of fields and flowers he has come to know so well as hers.  (Yes, damn it, I do,) he thought excitedly, (I do want this!)  The hanyou's heart beat quickens as well as his breathing.  (And, damn it, I want it now!)

 

 

 

InuYasha is suddenly overwhelmed and breaks the kiss.  Slightly trembling he lays his head against her shoulder trying to slow his breathing.  “Damn it, Kagome!” the hanyou whispers with a slight growl.

 

 

 

“Huh?”  A strange stabbing sensation occurs in Kagome heart.  (I knew it!  He’s angry now,) she thought sadly, trying to hold back her tears.  (I’m not KiKyo and he’s angry.)

 

 

 

“I… don't know if…if I can control myself…, or not,” continues the hanyou panting.

 

 

 

Kagome pushes away from him and sees the look of desperation in his eyes.  “What is it, InuYasha?  What do you mean control yourself?” she asks worriedly staring into the hanyou’s anxious gaze.  (Is he transforming?)  Kagome looks around her, searching for his sword and grabs onto it.  “Tetsusaiga’s right here InuYasha!”  She pushes it onto him.  “Take it!  Take it now!”

 

 

 

The hanyou slaps her hand away.  “I don’t need that fucking sword!” he growls.  “I need…I need…”

 

 

 

“You need what?  Tell me.”  The hanyou looks up continuing to pant and looking as if he’s in pain.  “Oh I see,” says the young miko sadly.  “Well it’s not like I expected you to want me, you know.  Really, if you want KiK…”

 

 

 

InuYasha quickly places a shaking finger to the young miko’s lips, while taking deep breath to calm his nerves.  “That’s not it, Kagome.  I'm feeling,” the hanyou takes another deep breath, “I’m feeling strange urges,” he explains anxiously, while fisting his hand.  “Strong urges I’ve never felt before.”

 

 

 

“What kind of urges?” asks Kagome anxiously.

 

 

 

“Strong desires,” replies the hanyou panting.  “Desire and need and…and I don’t know how to control them.  I’ve never been this much in heat before Kagome  InuYasha looks up into Kagome’s innocent eyes with painful uncertainty.  “Can’t you understand?  I want to fuck you!”

 

 

 

“You want to…?” asks the young miko anxiously.

 

 

 

“Damn right.  I want you.  I want you more than I’ve ever wanted any other soul.  But I’m afraid,” replies the hanyou anxiously.  “I don’t wish to hurt you!”

 

 

 

The young woman's eyes widen.  “Why would you hurt me?” whispers Kagome surprised and she swallow hard.  “Wait a minute.  Are you saying… you…you want to…you want me, InuYasha?”

 

 

 

“Oh hell, yes, I want you, wench,” growls the hanyou trembling.  “Can't you fucking tell?”  InuYasha quickly pulls her body to his; rubbing his hips against her, to show her his need by his hardened member.  “Can’t you feel how fucking ready I am?!”

 

 

 

“Well, um,” Kagome lowers her head, bites her lower lip, and blushes as she thinks of what the young hanyou may be saying to her.  “I don’t know.”

 

 

 

“What?!” he asks incredulously.

 

 

 

The woman quickly looks up.  “I said I don’t know, Ok?!  I’ve never done th…this!  I don’t know what to expect or to do.  I’ve,” Kagome blushes brighter and looks away.  “I’ve never actually known a man in that way before.”

 

 

 

“Is that all?” says InuYasha disbelievingly.

 

 

 

“Is that all?” replies Kagome incredulously.  “What kind of woman do you think I am InuYasha?!”

 

 

 

“I didn’t mean it that way, Kagome!  I meant,” with shaky fingers, the young hanyou nervously lifts her chin and smiles a shaky smile.  “I meant it’s ok.  That you didn’t have to tell me, that’s all.  I already know you're untouched.”

 

 

 

“Huh?” she asks, her blush becoming brighter.  “You do?”

 

 

 

“Um hm,” he replies with a nod.  “I’ve always known.”

 

 

 

“But… how?” asks Kagome confused.  “Not even my closest friends...”

 

 

 

“Your body tells me, that’s how.”  Kagome looks down at her body then up a the hanyou amazed.  “It’s the scent, of it Kagome.  My senses are strong.  So strong I’m able to tell if another male had ever touched you.”

 

 

 

“Really?” says Kagome as she blushes brighter.

 

 

 

“Well don’t look so damn surprised about it!” says InuYasha looking surprised himself.  “I’m half dog demon!  It’s only natural for someone like me.”

 

 

 

“Well I didn’t know, ok?” yells Kagome.  “This is all news to me!  I know you can find me by my scent but never thought you could…”

 

 

 

“Oh, hell,” growls InuYasha, shaking his head.  He looks up at the miko with determination.  “Why do you think I always get so piss off when that damn wolf comes around you, huh?”

 

 

 

“Kouga?”

 

 

 

“Damn right, Kouga!” growls InuYasha.  “I don’t like that fucking, bastard, touching you!  Anywhere!  I don’t want his damn ass anywhere around you.”

 

 

 

“But why, InuYasha?  Kouga’s a friend.  He would never hurt me.”

 

 

 

“Don’t you think I know that?!” says the hanyou with a little anger.  “It’s just I don’t want his, damn stench, ANYWHERE, on your body…not even your hands, that bastard’s always grabbing!  It makes me insane!”

 

 

 

“But…but…” stammers Kagome nervously.

 

 

 

“But…”  The hanyou softens his voice placing a finger to her lips to silence her stammering.  “If it is your wish, Kagome, if I’m not the one you want, I won't touch you either.”

 

 

 

“Huh?” asks Kagome nervously.

 

 

 

The hanyou slightly shakes his head.  “I won’t touch you.  As bad as I want…need you right now, you’re just too damn precious.  Too precious for me to just take you without your permission; force you into something you’re not ready for.  I’m satisfied just being close; protecting you.  I know there’s probably a chance you love someone else but, damn it Kagome I want you.”

 

 

 

(Did he just say I was precious to him?  InuYasha?)  With a rapid heartbeat, Kagome smiles tenderly.  She reaches up and gently rubs InuYasha's cheek.  The hanyou grabs onto it, holding it firmly in place, while looking hopefully in the young woman’s eyes as she lovingly looks up into his.

 

 

 

“You do understand what I’m saying, don’t you?” asks InuYasha with uncertainty.

 

 

 

“Um hmm,” replies Kagome with a slow nod.  “And I…love you too, InuYasha,” she whispers.  “I always have.”

 

 

 

(She loves me,) thought the hanyou surprised as his heart gives a sudden beat?

 

 

 

“I’ve never felt like this before.  Not about anyone.”

 

 

 

(She loves me.)  “Kagome I…” whispers InuYasha.

 

 

 

Kagome places a gentle finger to his lips.  “So…if it’s alright with you, InuYasha…could you, um… would you please... be my first?”