InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Secret Key to the Meidou-Seki ❯ Sesshomaru's Worst Memory ( Chapter 6 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Sesshomaru could hardly believe his eyes.

The Meidou-seki was gone. Bakusaiga was gone. His left arm was gone. Tokijin was in his hand. And--

Kagura was before him. Kagura, sitting there in a field of flowers, leaking shouki from a chest wound.

The last thing Sesshomaru remembered was struggling as Kurokemuri--the smoke demon who had attacked Kaede's village--almost tore his arm from his body. His shoulder had dislocated, he'd dropped his sword, and Kurokemuri had seeped into his eyes. For a moment, everything had gone dark. When Sesshomaru awoke, he had changed. Everything had changed.

Everything was exactly as it had been on the day Kagura died.

"What kind of trick is this?" Sesshomaru said.

"Not a trick, but a trap," Kagura said, speaking with some difficulty. Her wound seemed to affect her too convincingly for her to be a mirage. "Kurokemuri's trap. He traps the souls of his victims in their worst memories, their greatest regrets. Their moments of loss. This is how their bodies stay frozen as though dead."

Sesshomaru looked around. No sign of Kurokemuri or anyone else. Nothing but empty field in all directions as far as the eye could see.

"I must find Kurokemuri and destroy him."

Kagura smiled sadly. "You are worried about your little toadstool and the human girl, I see. I never understood your attachment to those two."

"How do I get out of here?'

"You could show some concern for me, you know." Kagura motioned to her wound with her eyes.

Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes and resheathed Tokijin, disgusted. "You're not real. You're a figment from my memory. An imprint. A creation of Kurokemuri's sorcery."

"I was created from your memory, yes. But my every nuance is exactly as you remember. And I am as real as I ever was." And Kagura reached out to touch his ankle. A lesser being would have jolted at her solid grasp, but Sesshomaru did not betray his surprise. He merely stepped out of reach.

"My only concern is finding Kurokemuri and killing him." Sesshomaru turned from Kagura. In truth, he hated having to relive her dying moments. There was no place to go, only endless fields, but he made to leave. He'd find Kurokemuri somehow.

"I see you're the same as ever, too," Kagura said, her voice lowered bitterly. "Always chasing after the bad guy. No concern for who you leave behind."

Sesshomaru felt a twinge of pain in his heart, but he kept going. If only she didn't sound exactly like he remembered, that same caustic tone she could use when she wanted to hurt him.

"You won't find him here," Kagura called weakly. "He is not here and there is no way out. You may as well make the best of a bad situation."

Sesshomaru stopped. He knew she was right, at least about Kurokemuri not being there. Sesshomaru knew he was stuck inside his own mind. His real body was lying in a forest frozen as though dead. Kurokemuri had probably left him frozen there and moved on to new victims. But how does one escape from prison when that prison is one's own mind?

"What do you suggest I do?" Sesshomaru said.

"You are stuck here forever, but that does not necessarily have to be a bad thing..."

"What do you mean?"

"You wanted to save me, once. This is your chance to rewrite your memory. To start anew..."

Tenseiga pulsed at his hip.

Kagura looked up at him longingly.

"Do you still wish to save me?"

Sesshomaru closed his eyes. He wasn't admitting defeat to Kurokemuri yet. He still wanted to find him. He knew that at this very moment Jaken and Rin could be trapped in mental prisons of their own, for without him around to protect them, Kurokemuri could have gotten them, too. But Sesshomaru had played out this very scenario in his head many times, on windy nights as he looked up at the stars. He envisioned himself in this very field, staring down at Kagura as before. Only instead of watching her dissolve into the wind, Tenseiga would heed his call. The pallbearers of the afterlife would appear around her broken body; and with one swing of his sword he would vanquish them. And Kagura would be restored.

What a chance to make this dream a reality. Kagura would be alive with him, at least for a little while. At least until Sesshomaru could find a way back to the world of the living. Could he really pass up such an opportunity?

"Yes," Sesshomaru said finally, "I wish to save you."

When he opened his eyes, Kagura looked like she was barely hanging on. She was pale and weak, and could no longer hold her head up. She lie back in the grass, looking up at him longingly, as she had before all those years ago.

Sesshomaru unsheathed Tenseiga and squinted, waiting for the pallbearers of the afterlife to appear. They had to appear. He would make them appear.

Kagura smiled at the sight of her savior. Moments passed. The shouki emanating from her wound grew thicker. Her body began to dissipate. Still the pallbearers would not appear. The smile faded from Kagura's face.

"Why, Sesshomaru?" she said, her eyes stricken with pain. Time was running out. "Why don't you save me?"

Sesshomaru's eyes roved over the air desperately. No sign of the pallbearers. No sign at all!

Kagura dissolved into the air--her anguished eyes disappeared last of all--their image burned into Sesshomaru's brain. This was not the peaceful death Kagura had once had. This was torture. Sesshomaru slashed the empty air angrilly with Tenseiga. Why hadn't it worked?!

Sesshomaru's growl was cut short by a sound behind him. He turned and saw--

Kagura. Fully formed, sitting in the field, with the great shouki-leaking wound once again.

"Save me, Sesshomaru," Kagura cried, looking more pained than before.

Again Sesshomaru raised Tenseiga. Again he waited for the pallbearers to appear. Again he watched, helpless and frustrated, as Kagura died in agony.

And so it continued. An endless cycle. Every time Kagura died, a new Kagura appeared. And each time, her death was more painful than the last. Each time, Kagura begged him to save her. A hundred times Sesshomaru watched Kagura die, until her dying breath was a scream, and Sesshomaru found himself screaming along with her.

Kurokemuri was forgotten. Seeing Kagura die one hundred times had made the pain of her death all too fresh and real to him. All Sesshomaru could think of was his one great failure.

The latest wounded Kagura sat before him in anguish, looking as angry as Sesshomaru felt. "Why couldn't you save me? If only you had saved me, we could have been together. I loved you!"

"I know," Sesshomaru said wearily, feeling as beaten as he ever had. "I know you did."

"If you cared half as much for me as you did for your little whelps, you could have saved me, too!"

The remark was meant to hurt him. Sesshomaru knew because it was a thought he'd often had himself, back on those windy days when he was full of regret. He had managed to use Tenseiga to save both Jaken and Rin from death. Why hadn't it worked for Kagura? To wield Tenseiga, one needs a caring heart. Had he not cared enough for her?

But when the first sting of Kagura's comment faded, the image of Jaken and Rin lingered in Sesshomaru's mind. Kagura was dead. There was no saving her, now or ever. But out there, in the real world, were Jaken and Rin, and they needed his help. They could still be saved. He must find a way out!

Sesshomaru sheathed Tenseiga and knelt down next to Kagura. She was moaning in pain. The shouki was thick like blood.

"I've had that same thought, Kagura. I've spent countless nights wondering, why couldn't I save you? Was it because I didn't care enough?" He pulled her close to him and felt her heart beating, weakly, against his. "But I know that isn't true, Kagura. Because I felt it in my heart... when I looked down on you in that field and saw that you were dying. In that moment, I loved you."

Kagura's head was buried against his shoulder; he felt her tears trickling down his neck.

"I'm sorry I never got to tell you. But I understand now why Kurokemuri has imprisoned me here. He understands your death is my moment of greatest regret. And he knows that as long I am here, I will spend eternity trying to save you, living my greatest failure over and over again."

Sesshomaru held Kagura by the shoulders so that she was looking up at him.

"I love you, Kagura. But I can't save you. I accept that now. So forgive me..." Sesshomaru closed his eyes.

"Forgive you...?" Kagura said, and she leaned up to kiss him.

She jolted an inch before his lips, unable to move. Sesshomaru's claws were sticking through her, all the way through her heart. She looked up at him in pain, her mouth an O of surprise. "Why...?" she gasped.

Sesshomaru forced himself to look her in the eyes.

"Because I'm through living in the past."

She began to dissipate, but not into the gentle wind, as she once had. Her body was turning into the ugly black smoke of Kurokemuri. Her cry turned into the horrible howl of Kurokemuri's wind. Everything around them was dissolving into a whirlwind of black smoke. Sesshomaru couldn't see through the thick cloud. It stung his eyes. He closed them, and heard the whooshing and felt the rushing of the impenetrable smoke.

And then everything was still and silent.

Sesshomaru opened his eyes.

He was back! Back in the land of the living. Back at the edge of the forest. The sky was clear. The sun was shining. There was no sign of Kurokemuri anywhere.

"Lord Sesshomaru! Lord Sesshomaru!"

Rin's voice from far away. She was running toward him. And Jaken was running toward him, too! They were both alive.

Sesshomaru felt his chest, half expecting to find Kagura's fingers there, still clutching for him in her last horrible moments. Instead he felt the hard, cold metal of the Meidou-seki resting there beneath his robes.

Sesshomaru stood up, grasping the Meidou-seki. He felt overwhelmed. He couldn't be there anymore. He couldn't let Jaken and Rin reach him. Bakusaiga was lying a ways away in the forest, having been blown there in the battle with Kurokemuri. Sesshomaru picked it up, and flew away, away from the cries of his friends, who watched in confusion as he left.

Sesshomaru was gone.