InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Short Straw ❯ chapter eighteen ( Chapter 18 )

The Short Straw

By Flamingwillows

Chapter Eighteen

Her mouth touched his, soft as a butterfly's wing. Koga's mouth softened in response, returning her kiss but letting her control the movement. She seemed to gain confidence from his passivity and she edged closer, her lips pressing more firmly to his. Moving slowly, Koga brought her hand up to his chest, pressing her fingers over his heart. His free hand came up to touch her shoulder, the delicate ridge of her collarbone, the nape of her neck, and then his fingers cupped her head, tilting her back farther as his mouth opened over hers.

He traced his tongue over the fullness of her lower lip and felt her shiver in reaction. She started to ease back, started to speak-to offer a protest? But Koga's patience abruptly ran out. He told himself he had all night, that there was no need to hurry, but all it took was one taste of her and his patience disappeared in a rush of hunger.

His mouth hardened over hers, swallowing whatever she might have said, drinking in her murmur of surprise as he pulled her against him. There had been too many nights spent alone, too many days spent wanting.

It was like being caught up in a tornado, Kagome thought dazedly. One minute she'd been kissing Koga, a safe, gentle kiss that made her feel warm inside. The next, Koga was kissing her and there was nothing safe or gentle about it. She whimpered as his tongue plunged into her mouth, and the warmth became a conflagration that seared all the way to her soul. Her fingers curled into his shirtfront, clinging to him as the world spun around her.

Without giving her a chance to regain her balance, Koga slid one hand down the length of her back. Kagome gasped in shock as he boldly spread his palm across her bottom, urging her forward until she stood between his thighs. Even through the layers of skirt and petticoats she could feel his arousal pressed against her. Her knees threatened to give out beneath her and she lifted her hands to his shoulders, holding on to him as the only solid thing in her universe.

The feel of her yielding softness in his arms shattered the last remnants of Koga's control. He opened his mouth again over hers, tasting the sweet warmth of her surrender. He'd waited forever for this-for the feel of her mouth opening to his, her slender body curving against the harder planes and angles of his. It hadn't been the discomfort of making his bed in the barn that had kept him awake at night. It had been this need, this hunger he felt for his wife. She was everything warm and womanly, everything he'd ever wanted. And she was his.

Pins showered to the floor as his fingers burrowed into the twisted knot that held her hair. Kagome murmured something-whether it was protest or approval, Koga was beyond hearing the difference. His pulse drumming in his ears, he felt an almost feverish urgency to confirm his possession in the most basic of ways, to feel her body welcome his. He fumbled with the buttons at the throat of her gown, urgency making his hands less than steady.

"Koga." Kagome wrenched her mouth from his, turning her face aside. ""Stop," she begged breathlessly.

"You don't want me to stop." He whispered against her throat.

"It's too fast." Her hands flattened against his chest, trying to wedge some distance between them. "Let me go."

Later-much later-Koga would be willing to concede that perhaps he had rushed things a bit. Maybe he'd shown less finesse than he might have. The moment he felt her in his arms, all his plans for seduction had been burned away by the simple need to have her-now. But the perspective a little distance might have given him was not yet available. In the here and now, all he knew was that she was pushing him away-again.

There was a brief moment when he considered ignoring her breathless demand to be released. He could change her mind. She wanted him. He was sure of that. Hard on the heels of that thought was another-did it really matter what she wanted? She was his. His wife, his property in the eyes of God and the law. What right did she have to deny him something that was rightfully his? Shocked by his own thoughts, Koga released Kagome so suddenly that she had to brace one hand against the piano to regain her balance.

They stared at each other. The only sound was their breathing, lending a less than steady rhythm to the silence.

"Koga, I. . ." Kagome's voice trailed off as if she couldn't find the word she wanted.

Looking at her, Koga felt all the frustration of the past weeks well up inside him. He wished Miroku had drawn the short straw that night. He wished they'd burned the damn broom before the idea of drawing straws occurred to either one of them. He wished his horse had stepped in a prairie dog hole on the way to church the day he'd first seen Kagome. A broken neck wouldn't have been nearly as much trouble getting married had been. Most of all, he wished he'd never heard of the institution of marriage.

It had taken marriage to teach him the true joys of being a bachelor. Since saying "I do," he'd had things thrown at him, been bitten for the first time since one of his cousins sank her brand-new teeth into his arm when she was a toddler, spent more time sleeping with his horse than he had with his wife and experienced more sexual frustration than he'd ever endured when he was single. He crawled around on the prairie picking flowers like a lovesick lunatic, paid two bits for a kitten who had dug permanent holes in his chest with her claws and showed more patience than anyone had a right to expect a man to show.

"What the hell do you want from me?"

"Koga!" Kagome gasped, shocked at his use of profanity.

"I don't know what more you expect," he continued, oblivious to her protest. "Haven't I given you the time you asked for?"

"Yes, and I-"

"There aren't many men who would have done that."

"I know, I-"

"I've been patient."

"Yes, you've-"

"I've waited for you to come to your senses instead of trying to shake some into you, haven't I?"

Kagome stiffened. The phrase "come to your senses' did not sit well. But she swallowed her annoyance, not wanting to argue with him. She wanted an end to the distance between them. These past weeks had shown her that, while he might not love her with the passion she dreamed of, he cared enough to make her happy. That was more than many women had. She'd already decided that it was time to put their marriage on a normal footing. When he'd given her the grenadine, it had only confirmed her decision. The thoughtfulness of the gift touched her deeply.

She wanted to be his wife again, in every sense of the word, but she'd felt as if she were drowning in the elemental force of his hunger. She'd called a halt to their embrace to give herself a chance to breathe, not because she was unwilling to be his wife in fact, as well as in name. And she'd tell him as much as soon as he gave her a chance.

"I know you've-"

No one in their right mind would have put up with what I've put up with," Koga continued, unaware of her thoughts. "Sleeping in the barn, letting my brother make my life a living hell. It's a wonder the hands haven't quit. If I can't manage my own wife, why should I be able to manage a ranch?"

"Manage your wife?" Koga was too wrapped up in his soliloquy to heed the warning in her tone.

"I've given you flowers and that mangy cat." He threw out one hand to indicate the kitten, who continued to sleep, unconcerned with the storm brewing a few feet from her. "And now I've given you that blasted piece of cloth, and you're still acting like a virgin on her wedding night." He paused to glare at her. "What the hell do you want from me?"

This time Kagome barely noticed his language. Considering the way her pulse was drumming in her ears, it was a wonder she could hear him at all. `The fabric had been a bribe?' He actually thought he could buy his way back into her bed? That she'd sell herself like a. . .like a saloon girl, her price a few yards of cloth?

She turned and snatched the package up off the piano stool. Spinning back toward Koga, she shoved it into his arms, the paper wrapping crackling a protest at her roughness. His hands came up automatically to catch it.

"I'm not for sale!"

"For sale?" Koga gaped at her, caught off guard by her quick flare of temper. "What are you talking about?"

"You came in here thinking that you could buy your way back into my bed with that." She gestured sharply to the crumpled length of fabric.

"I did not." Guilt added a sharp edge to his denial. Maybe he had thought that the gift would soften her mood but he certainly hadn't planned to buy her. Besides, he damn well shouldn't have to buy anything. The thought added new fuel to the already blazing fire of his anger. The fabric hit the floor in a sharp rustle of paper. He kicked it out of the way with a quick sideways motion of his booted foot and stepped toward her.

Finding herself trapped between the piano and her husband's tall body, Kagome tilted her chin and glared up at him. At that moment she would've rather died before she'd let him see that he'd succeeded in intimidating her.

I don't have to buy my way into your bed." The soft menace of his voice was more effective than a shout. "You're my wife. It's my bed."

His hand snapped out, fingers closing around her left wrist. Kagome gasped and instinctively tried to jerk away. But her back was against the side of the piano and she refused to sidle away like a frightened crab. Not that he looked much in the mood to let her go anyway, she noted uneasily.

"Let go of me." If the command was a little less forceful that she might have liked, that was hardly surprising considering the look in her husband's eyes.

Koga ignored the command, dragging her arm upward until her hand was between them. Her wedding ring gleamed dull gold in the lamplight.

"When I put that ring on your finger, I bought the rights to your bed. And to you."

Kagome stared up at him, speechless with anger and-though she didn't want to admit it-a touch of fear. She'd never seen anyone look as coldly threatening as Koga did at this moment. He was so much strong than she was; there could be no physical contest between them. And, alone as they were, there was no one to whom she could turn for help. Not that anyone was likely to interfere in what happened between man and wife. Koga was right-the wedding ring on her finger made her his property, to do with as he pleased. She swallowed hard but tilted her chin up another notch, determined not to let him see her fear.

"You'll have to force me," she promised quietly.

Koga stared at her, seeing the flicker of fear in her eyes-a fear that he'd put there. He'd wanted to frighten her, had deliberately used his superior strength to intimidate. `That's impressive, Sukanami. Frightening women. That would certainly make your father proud. Shame left an acid taste on his tongue. His fingers dropped away from Kagome's wrist as if she had suddenly caught fire.

"I'm tired of the whole blasted mess." He spun on one heel and walked away. Kagome swayed at the abrupt release of tension. She put out one hand to catch herself, drawing a sharp clatter of notes from the piano keyboard.

"Where are you going?" The involuntary question stopped Koga in the parlor doorway. He turned to look at her, his eyes a cool, emotionless blue.

"Enjoy your solitary bed, but don't kid yourself into thinking that I'm going to spend the rest of my life living like a monk."

He was gone before Kagome could speak-not that she had any idea of what she might have said. The front door shut behind him with a quiet click that sounded more final than a slam.

She stood there-alone, the tangled mass of fabric and wrapping paper at her feet, and wondering if she'd just made a terrible mistake.

Two hours later Kagome started awake. She'd dozed off curled in the rocking chair in the bedroom. Though her quilting lay in her lap, she'd barely set two stitches in place. Within minutes after their quarrel, she'd heard Koga ride out of the ranch yard. She tried to tell herself that she didn't care where he'd gone, as long as he was out of her sight. But she kept hearing his final words that he wasn't going to spend the rest of his like living like a monk. What if Koga had ridden into town to seek out more obliging companionship than his wife had been providing of late?

She kept thinking about the impure women who worked in the Golden Lady Saloon. Her aunt had refused to acknowledge the existence of such women but in a town the size of Black Dog it was impossible to avoid seeing them, at least on an occasion. Though she didn't like to think about it now, Kagome remembered that several of the women had been quite attractive, their demeanor not unladylike when their paths had crossed hers on the street or in the aisles of Hojo's store.

Aside from his wife, who would blame Koga if he sought out one of those women?

Her first thought was that she'd never forgive him. But then, a small voice suggested that part of the blame might be hers. She'd refused to perform her wifely duties. And perhaps she'd overreacted a bit this evening when Koga had given her the fabric. He'd seemed genuinely shocked when she'd accused him of trying to buy her favors. As he pointed out, he didn't have to buy anything. She was his for the taking.

It really was a beautiful piece of cloth. Surely, the fact that he'd bought it before he even asked her to marry him absolved him of any ulterior motives. Didn't it?

Kagome fell asleep again before she could come up with an answer; her head tilting awkwardly back against the oak rocker. She woke suddenly, her heart pounding from the remnants of a half-remembered dream. Untangling her feet from the hem of her nightgown, she rose, grimacing at the stiffness in her neck and shoulders. She bent to pick up her quilting, which had fallen to the floor, only to straighten abruptly as she heard a repeat of the sound that had awakened her-she squeal of the hinges on the barn door.

Koga! It could have been Miroku or any one of the hands but she knew it wasn't. She rushed to the window. A full moon flooded the prairie with light of palest silver. A man stepped away from the barn and started toward the house, his shadow stretching over the ground ahead of him. His features were concealed by the brim of his hat but Kagome didn't need to see his face. His long, easy stride and the pounding of her own heart told her who it was.

He was back. And not only back but coming in! She'd barely had time to absorb the idea when she heard the front door open and close. An instant later she heard the thud of his boots on the stairs. Good lord, he was coming upstairs! He might even be coming here, to this very room. Considering his mood when they'd parted, that was not a reassuring thought.

She'd lock the door against him. She took a set in that direction and then hesitated. Maybe it would be better to get into bed and pretend to be asleep, as if their quarrel had meant nothing at all to her. She stood in the middle of the floor, waffling between the two possibilities until she heard Koga reach the top of the stairs. If she locked the door now, he'd surely hear her. It would be like throwing down a gauntlet. She'd be making a definite statement, though at that moment she couldn't have said just what that statement would be.

Then again, it might be more in the nature of waving a red flag in front of a bull, Kagome thought uneasily, remembering his earlier anger. A locked door might just set a match to his temper, and she'd certainly be the one to get burned in the resulting conflagration.

Hardly aware of making a decision, she rushed to blow out the lamp and scurried to the bed, diving beneath the covers and pulling them up to her shoulders just as she heard Koga's footsteps outside the bedroom door. She struggled to control her breathing. When he knocked on the door, she wanted her response to sound as if she'd been asleep, not as if she'd just jumped into bed like a frightened child. She wanted to make it clear that his stormy departure hadn't bothered her at all. She certainly didn't want him to get the idea that she'd spent any time brooding about the possibility that he'd sought out some dance hall floozy to occupy his evening.

She'd be dignified, she promised herself. She wouldn't be too eager to forgive him but she wouldn't be grudging, either. Dignity and gracious forgiveness-after an appropriate interval, of course.

Kagome squeezed her eyes shut, as if Koga might be able to see through walls. Perhaps she'd let him knock twice to make it clear that she'd been sound asleep.

Only Koga didn't knock at all.

The sound of the doorknob turning brought Kagome straight up in bed. She stared in disbelief as the door opened and Koga walked into the room. He carried a lantern with him, it's soft golden glow a painfully bright intrusion in the dark room. But it was not nearly as much of an intrusion as the man who carried it.

She opened her mouth to demand an explanation for his presence but then she remembered her determination to present a dignified image. It took a considerable effort but she managed to swallow her angry words. A telling silence was her best possible response.

But, telling or not, her silence didn't seem to have much effect on Koga. Without so much as a glance in her direction, he carried the lamp across the room and set it on the dresser. He ran his fingers through his hair, eliminating the flatness left by the pressure of his hat. Kagome felt a twinge of uneasiness as she watched him empty his pockets, setting their contents on top of the dresser. He didn't look like a man who'd come home to offer humble apologies to his wife. He looked more like a man getting ready to go to bed. Her uneasiness became more than a twinge when he loosened the buttons on his cuffs and tugged his shirttail out of the waist of his pants.

"What do you think you're doing?" she demanded.

Koga turned to look at her, his expression calm. He reached for the buttons on the front of his shirt. "I'm going to bed."

"Here?" Kagome's voice rose on a disbelieving squeak. This was a far cry from the apology she'd envisioned.

"Here," Koga said flatly. In my house, in my bed, with my wife." He shrugged out of his shirt as he spoke, tossing the garment over the arm of the rocker as he walked toward the bed.

The sight of his bare chest stirred something in the pit of Kagome's stomach, an emotion she preferred not to acknowledge. She was still angry with him. How dare he think he could just waltz back in here and . . .do whatever it was he thought he was going to do.

"Fine," she snapped, throwing back the covers. "You stay here. I'll sleep somewhere else."

"No, you won't." Koga set one knee on the bed and leaned across it, circling her upper arm with the fingers of one hand, effectively preventing her escape. "You're staying right here."

"I won't!" She tried to jerk away but there was no breaking the gentle implacability of his hold.

"You're going to stay here. In this bed. With me."

There was nothing in the least threatening in his tone, but neither was there an inch of give. Looking at him, Kagome saw that he'd reached the end of his patience. The game they'd been playing was finished. She didn't have to worry anymore about how to end the stalemate between them. There would be no more nights spent alone. All that was left was Kagome's stubborn pride. If there was a certain relief in the thought of ending it all, she certainly wasn't going to admit it to him.

"You'll have to force me." She threw the words down like a duelist throwing down a glove.

"I don't think so," Koga slid his hand down her arm, the gesture caressing even as it held her prisoner. His thumb stroked lightly over her wrist, and her pulse jumped in response. Against her will, Kagome's eyes drifted to the broad muscles of his chest and shoulders. There was a fluttering sensation low in her belly, an almost painful awareness of his masculinity-a hunger she refused to acknowledge.

"I think you missed having me in our bed," he whispered. His hand slipped back up her arm, tugging her closer as he leaned toward her, closing the distance between them. "I don't think you want to sleep alone anymore."

"I haven't missed you," she lied, trying not to notice the way his hair fell into his forehead and down his shoulders. "I like sleeping alone."

"I don't." Without releasing her, Koga shifted until he knelt on the bed. Taking hold of her shoulders, he dragged her up until she knelt in front of him. I'm not going to sleep in the barn anymore, Kagome."

"I never told you to sleep in the barn." His fingers were busy loosening the heavy braid of her hair, and she ducked her head away but it was a half-hearted effort at best. The truth was, she was tired of the distance between them, tired of fighting her own desires. "You could have slept in another room in the house."

"No, I couldn't." Koga speared his hands through her hair, spreading it over her shoulders. The way he looked at her made Kagome feel as if her bones were dissolving. He was no longer holding her captive, but he didn't have to-the hunger in his eyes was effective as a shackle. "I couldn't be in the same house with you and not hold you."

Kagome felt mesmerized by the crystalline blue of his eyes, by the hunger he didn't bother to hide. There was something very seductive about being the object of his desire. She felt her determination to resist him weakening.

"Aren't you going to try and buy me back with another piece of fabric or maybe a pair of shoes?" Kagome put as much acid as she could muster into the words, but she couldn't seem to call up her earlier outrage.

"No more presents," Koga said, refusing to rise to the bait she'd offered. He set his thumb against the pulse that beat at the base of her throat. "No more talk. No more separate beds. We're married. From now on, we're going to act like it."

"I won't-"

"Yes, you will." Koga dropped a quick kiss on her mouth, stilling her automatic protest. And that's exactly what it was, she realized when he lifted his head. She didn't really want to argue with him. They'd argued enough-more than enough. She was tired of being at odds with him; tired of pretending she didn't ache to be in his arms again.

She looked up at him, searching his eyes for answers to questions she couldn't put into words. She wanted, desperately, to know if he cared for her, if he thought of her as more than a mother for the sons who'd inherit this ranch, if he regretted drawing the short straw.

"Where did you go?" was the only question she risked.

"I rode into town and went to the Golden Lady," he admitted without hesitation. "I figured I'd get blind drunk."

"You seem sober enough," Kagome said stiffly.

"I am." He slid one hand into her hair. The thick dark length draped over his forearm and fell nearly to her hips. He shifted his gaze away from it, his eyes meeting hers. "I also thought about finding myself some female companionship."

Kagome stiffened as if she'd been shot, her entire body going rigid. Pain arced through her with the speed and force of a lightning bolt. Wasn't this exactly what she'd feared? She'd thought of the possibility, but thinking of it hadn't prepared her to deal with the reality of it. She would have wrenched herself away from him but Koga anticipated her reaction. His palm suddenly flattened against the small of her back, dragging her forward until she was pressed against the hard wall of his chest.

"I said I thought about it," he said sharply. "After drinking one whiskey, I realized that the only woman I wanted was the one I married."

All the stiffness drained from Kagome's spine as she registered what he was saying. He wanted her. It wasn't the same as love, but it was something. Wanting could surely turn into love, couldn't it?

"Koga, I-I…" Kagome couldn't find the words. "Koga. . ."

It was surrender and they both knew it.

His hand slid up her back, his fingers cupping the back of her head, turning her face up for his kiss. Kagome melted into his embrace, surrendering to her own desires, giving in to the need that was a hollow ache in the pit of her stomach.

She felt as if, in a sense, this was their real wedding night; this first time that they came together without secrets between them. Unless you wanted to count as a secret the fact that she had fallen deeply, irrevocably in love with her husband.