InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Source of Solace ❯ Chapter Two ( Chapter 2 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: YoukaiFate 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Sci-fi / Romance / Drama | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 09.10.2005 | Pages: 5 | Words: 7.2K | Visits: 323 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Sci-fi / Romance / Drama | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 09.10.2005 | Pages: 5 | Words: 7.2K | Visits: 323 | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, etc. Rumiko Takahashi has that singular privilege. This story is for entertainment purposes only.
THE SOURCE OF SOLACE
Bred as a weapon, and betrayed by her own kind, Sango's true identity was erased by Alteration. But it just left the way open for manipulation by those who would use her for their own ends. Assassination and Love collide in a star-crossing AU universe. K/S I/K
A/N: Forgot to add my sincere thanks to Fairia, who beta-ed my first chapter, helped me write the first Sango scenes and reconciled me to a dead corpse. Additional thanks go to Dark Queen, who listened late into the night as I mumbled through bad grammar on the second. XD
WARNING! Dark imagery and lime, adult situations and issues. Foul language omitted on ff dot net.
CHAPTER TWO
Sango regarded herself with mild disgust. In the harsh light of day, she dismissed the terrors of the night before with customary brusqueness, mildly tainted with acute embarrassment. The psychological exercises in which she had been reprogrammed took over, and she picked herself up off of the cold tile, ignoring the cramping muscles that had tightened from the uncomfortable bed she had slept in. She automatically proceeded to pick up the various bottles and tubes that littered the wash-basin and floor around her. Putting them back methodically into the recessed cabinet and into their established places, she soon had the mess cleared up as if it had never been.
Just as the mess that had once been in her mind had been cleared by the psychological Alteration that she had been given, so that nothing of what disturbed her remained.
With habitual movements, she disrobed and turned on the shower. Beneath the splattering drops, she washed away the dried sweat from her skin and shampooed the tangles from her long hair. Her mind focusing solely on the next task, she ignored the dulled ache that hovered like a sore tooth at the back of her thoughts.
~Focus on the little things, one at a time, in order of sequence.~
Was the thought hers, or one implanted by the psychological purging of Identity Alteration? It didn't matter. Focus on the little things.
Brush your hair and tie it up taut so that no hair would escape confinement, pull on the grey synthetic cloth of your plain uniform and seal it tight, so that nothing would be different from any of the dozens of others who worked with her in the cafeteria on Level Two.
Slipping on the plain boots that completed her work ensemble, Sango made certain that her ID tags were hanging around her neck and that her papers were in the upper pocket of her coveralls where any who demanded to see them could retrieve them easily. She opened the door to her tiny apartment, and locked it automatically behind her. The place was as barren and clean as if she had never lived there, as barren and clean as it was every time she departed it for the day.
As she walked the long, familiar route from her living quarters to her work assignment post on the secondary level of Station Nine, Sango ignored the mild grumbling in her empty stomach. She had forgotten to eat breakfast, but she often forgot. Food was fuel, and when the dull ache spread to a sluggish lethargy due to under-nourishment, she would finally stop to eat.
Food was only regarded as replenishment of energy used, or so Alteration had impressed on her. A side effect, the psy-medic Dr. Higurashi had told her with an almost pitying glance at her thin frame. She had ignored the pity as she had ignored the psy-medic's words. She was an empty shell of automatic response, and preferred it that way. The barrier of Alteration allowed her to ignore the painful emotions she hid from, and the painful memories that hovered behind them.
She focused on the little things in life. The routine, and the banal. She was dimly aware that at one time her life had been chaotic and unpredictable, that she had never known from one day to the next what might occur. At one time, she might have relished it, but now she regarded her old life with a faint sense of disturbed unease. ~Focus on the little things.~ The old life was gone, dead. There was only the here, and now.
She went to work each day. They had offered her a rest-day, which she might take off and spend time on her own, amusing herself as she sometimes, dimly, realized others did. But she hated the disturbance to her daily routine, loathed the hours spent alone when the painful, angry memories might creep out of the darkness and eat at her.
She hated the silence of her own rooms more than the dreary drudgery of work in the cafeteria. And not all of the work was hard and unrewarding. There was the pride she could claim in a task accomplished---a table or surface cleaned, a floor mopped free of dirt, or even the simple finality of emptied disposal units and trash receptacles. And sometimes, sometimes, she was allowed to help the harassed cooks and serving staff. She did not like interacting with the various diners who came to the station's cafeteria, it made her tense and worried when they responded to her strange, almost timid behavior as if she were something peculiar and not quite real. But she was proud of the work she did, of the help she gave in the tasks assigned her.
It was one of the little things she could focus on.
Cooperation and stability, doing something to aid others. Something useful. Something needed by society. These simple ideals had become important to her since her Alteration. What had been before did not matter, was not necessary to her existence now. The Alteration, something she had not requested she knew with a disturbed sense of unreality, but something--that she understood with the psychologically-trained awareness of it---that she had needed, was allowing her to pursue a new existence.
A focused existence.
*~*~*~*~*
Dr. Kikyou Higurashi watched the young woman with faint concern marring her white brow. The man in a plain grey suit who stood beside her ignored the workers below them as if they held no consequence. They didn't, in his world.
~Beaurecrats.~
"I am not certain that Miss Jennar would be a good candidate for relocation." Kikyou began tactfully with a frown. She was a reserved woman, who did not like interacting with many people. People were too disturbing, too unpredictable. She preferred her work as a research psychologist and medical doctor. She understood disease, understood research and the cold discipline and impersonality of scientific medicine.
She felt a mild compassion for those placed under her care, but her very nature allowed her to be a brilliant doctor in her chosen field of psychoanalysis.
"Did I ask for your opinion, Dr. Higuarashi?" The man replied mildly, and Kikyou's dislike of the little, self-important weasel increased. How dare he barge in on her, and demand that she accompany him on this survey of specified individuals? But Dr. Latham, the director under which she worked, had ordered her compliance with the station-representative's wishes. Their funding came directly from Station Nine, and what the Lord Sesshoumaru and his mouth-piece of a council demanded, they received.
"I only asked you, doctor, if that woman down there has assimilated her Identity Alteration as proscribed by the Council." The nasty little man went on, full of his own petty delusions of power and relishing what little he held over her.
Kikyou did not hide her contempt or dislike. "Miss Jennar has completed her preliminary psychological redirection as decreed by the Council of Nine."
"Then she is past needing your coddling, Dr. Higurashi." The man smiled condescendingly.
Kikyou disdained to reply to the man's nasty comment. It was true that Sango Jennar was past her observational period, that the psychological Alteration she had undergone had had more than enough time to take permanent effect on her psyche, but the girl who worked so diligently below them disturbed her.
There were times in which Kikyou would entertain faint suspicions that the enormous impact of Alteration had NOT taken complete effect, that there was more that lay beneath the surface to this girl's mind than what showed in the vacant brown eyes of an Altered individual. There was something that lurked there, disturbing the doctor's peace of mind. And she felt a modicum of responsibility for the young woman. Sango Jennar had been HER patient, had been HER experiment, HER responsibility. Kikyou hated to let her go out from under her careful observation and reinforcement.
But it was not in her power to keep the girl here, where she might continue to reaffirm Alteration's psychological prerogatives. And while it disturbed her, that the Station's council had decreed that a certain number of individuals who were able to work independently on various, mundane tasks such as Sanitation and Food Prep would depart on the starship Eminence for the colonial world of Kyouko (where their particular abilities and lack of psychological impairment or personal grievances would interfere with their rather dreary, yet necessary jobs) still she must let her concerns over this particular girl go.
If Station decreed that Sango Jennar was well enough to accompany the general work-team to Kyouko, then she washed her hands of it. The Identity Alteration training the girl had received would either prove dominant, or the girl would go insane under the pressures of change. She, Kikyou, had no power over the girl’s future, and less concern.
Or so she told herself.
*~*~*~*~*
Sango’s gaze flickered over the silent woman with unease. The doctor, usually so remote and businesslike, seemed somewhat put out, and it made Sango feel agitated and confused. She did not like change in the familiar routine of her world, and the fact that Dr. Higurashi was not acting with her normal, clinical professionalism mildly perturbed her.
Sango actually dared to voice a question, though she had to clear the dryness from her throat and swallow a few times before the whisper came out as more of a hoarse croak than a question. “Is something wrong, doctor?”
Dr. Higurashi’s head jerked up, and she gave her patient a slightly surprised glance. The remote brown eyes seemed to focus on her, Sango, as a person for once, and not as a simple case-study.
Compassion flickered across the deep darkness of the psy-medic’s gaze, and then she looked away, troubled. “I should not be the one to tell you this. Your orders come directly from HQ. But I do not see any benefit in allowing you to be distressed with unanswered questions.”
Sango’s forehead wrinkled slightly in a frown, before the deeper training of her Alteration asserted itself and funneled her silent agitation away. ~Focus on the little things…~
She waited patiently for the doctor to speak, and it was almost as if she listened from a greater distance than where the doctor stood, right beside her. The words passed over her with little effect, though a small part of her grew worried and tensed at the abrupt decision of her superiors to have her transported out of Station Nine’s catery unit and on assignment to some strange, orbiting colony out in the middle of nowhere. But she had no control over her own life or decisions anymore, and with a faint sense of unease, she had the vague feeling that she had never, ever, truly had control over her own destiny.
She took the news of her release and relocation as she did everything else since her Alteration---with a stoic acceptance of what she had no control over, and an almost dulled sense of agreeable affability. Above all, she must not show fear, or give into the faint alarm that hovered across the back of her thoughts. Therein lay her ruin. She had a vague sense that to show fear was to show weakness…
“Do you understand, Miss Jennar?” Dr. Higurashi asked her, her brown eyes compelling.
Sango nodded once in acknowledgement. She understood.
Dr. Higurashi’s dark eyes scanned hers for a long moment. Sango sat expressionlessly, her body relaxed.
Sheep for the slaughter.
*~*~*~*~*
There were four of them, moving like controlled automatons as they lined up together in front of the processing desk, escorted by a white Medic and a bored man from Station Security. The clerk behind the desk, young, curious, blinked up at the small group of tranportees and smiled tentatively as the medic motioned for Sango to step up first. The young woman was quite pretty, if thin, and the processing clerk gave her the once-over with admiration.
“Where ya headed?” He asked, undeterred by the hovering Sec officer. The girl…Sango Jennar…just stared at him without reaction, like she had never even heard him. He gave her an irritated glance, which was intercepted by the white-robed medic.
“These four recruits need to be cleared for the starhip Eminence. That is all you need to know.”
The clerk frowned, not liking some jumped-up doctor telling him what to do. But those four gave him the creeps. Not one of them even flicked an eyelid at him, and they stood around like zombies until the last one’s personal papers were stamped with release approval. And then they all shuffled along at the medic’s wave, the Sec officer taking up the rear, fighting back a yawn as if he had nothing to fear from them.
The clerk stared after them as the small group passed through the intake tunnel and into the decontamination chamber beyond. It was only then that the thought occurred to him that they might be some of the Altereds people were whispering about. It was almost unnerving how unresponsive they were, how much they acted like mechanical robots, or empty-headed zombies. It was downright sick.
“Freaks.” He muttered under his breath, swiveling back around as a new pair of people---this couple thankfully all-too-real, with a couple of noisy brats in tow---came forward with papers in hand.
*~*~*~*~*~*
She awoke with a start as the metallic floor under her body shuddered to life. She jerked at the unfamiliar motion, and hissed as cramped muscles twitched with returning feeling. The white pills scattered around her spoke volumes. Blinking sleep-caked eyes, Sango focused on them with a faint sense of mild dismay.
Gathering them up one by one consumed her conscious mind for quite a time, and as she carefully replaced the cap and put the little bottle away in her designated drawer, she worried at the deeper implications of it. What had made her so agitated that she could not remember taking them? It was worrisome, but she must focus on changing into another set of coveralls. The ones she wore were wrinkled and stiff with sweat. She wished she could take a shower, clean the tangles from her hair, and wash the imagined dirt from her skin.
The small cabin she had been allocated, however, did not contain direct access to sanitary facilities. Sango settled for changing into a clean uniform, which she had unpacked into the shallow drawer that lined the bottom of her chosen berth. Bunks were sandwiched along either wall, rising three high, and the small room could have slept six in close quarters.
There was barely any room between the two rows for her to maneuver, and although she had the whole room to herself, Sango was careful to keep her intrusion to the bed she had been assigned. She spent some time re-making the bunk and re-folding the few contents of her single drawer, so that the dirtied coverall would not contaminate any of the others.
"An obsession with cleanliness and order is one of the various side effects of Alteration..."
Where had she heard that voice that echoed in her mind? A picture of the psy-medic, Dr. Higurashi, flickered out of her memory, but she dismissed it---as well as the intrusive thought from before. Why she had resorted to the small, white sleeping aids was no concern of hers. She must be ready when they called for her.
It took her over an hour to brush her long, black hair into order. Each stroke of the comb was rhythmic, soothing. She brushed the troubled thoughts away with each methodic stroke, and even when her hair was satin-smooth and shiny from brushing, she continued until she was satisfied that it was as tidy as she could make it---and then once more just to ensure that not one hair might stray out of place from the tight ponytail in which she confined it. The shorter tendrils of her bangs and cheeks caressed her skin with static, but she was finally satisfied with the result.
Having nothing more to do, she sat on her designated bunk and waited. Folding her hands in front of her, she stared at the far wall, ignoring the continued shuddering of the ship as it accelerated into deep space. Her expression was calm and remote, her brown eyes blank.
Eventually, they would come and tell her what she would need to do.
*~*~*~*~*
Kagome stood on the upper observation deck, her hands curled tight on the thin, metal safety bar that separated the open observation deck from the protective bubble of clear plaz-glass. From this angle, it almost felt as if she were flying through the passing stars without the thick metal and plastic shielding that kept the vast vacuum of space at bay. Pinpoints of light whirled past, swirling illuminations twitching through the dark blackness of deep space.
It was awesome!
"Inuyasha! Come look at this view!"
Her impatient mate gave her an annoyed glance out of golden-amber eyes.
"Feh." He snorted with an irritated shrug. He didn't give a shit if the view was great. It was just a bunch of stupid stars out there. Nothing to make such a damn fuss over. But Kagome was always making a fuss over something.
She looked at the world like an intrigued child. An innocent child. She was so sweet and gullible. It was HIS job to protect her from her rather naive views on life. Her unfeigned delight in the world around them could get on his nerves sometimes, but it was also one of the things he treasured most about the woman he loved.
Kagome wrinkled her nose at him, though her brown eyes were lit with amusement. Inuyasha only fronted a world-weary attitude. At heart, he was just as sweet as she was. She pretended not to notice---his pride was prickly---but it was one of the things she loved about him. Granted, she loved EVERYTHING about him.
Abandoning her inspiring view from the glass, she went to her silver-haired hanyou and slid her arms around his waist. Snuggling up, she gave him a tender smile. Inuyasha rolled his eyes, but a strong arm draped over her shoulders possessively as he hauled her tighter against his side.
Kagome's brown eyes grew dreamy. "It's so beautiful." She waved airily at the wide-open view of the observation deck, where the stars streamed past in flittering motes across inky emptiness. She still couldn't believe that she and her hanyou mate were traveling across the galaxy to a future where there would no one looking down on them for their choice of mate in a divisive society. Where the specter of Inuyasha’s cold, older brother and her worrisome mother would not haunt them.
Inuyasha made a derisive noise in the back of his throat. Who would ever think that this barbarian of a hanyou was the younger brother to the aristocratic---and autocratic--- Lord Sesshoumaru? They were so different, and not only for their mothers. Where Sesshoumaru was all remote elegance and icy disdain, taking for granted his titles and inheritance as one of the old line of youkai nobility, Inuyasha was so much more earthy and REAL.
Sesshoumaru had threatened to disinherit his half-human brother when he had started dating Kagome. The Taiyoukai had actually thought that that threat would actually work. But Inuyasha, in his typically blunt style, had told the austere Lord to go fuck himself, and had immediately shown up at Kagome's home, much to her agitated mother's displeasure, and told her he meant to leave their stringent, role-wearied world for something better on the other end of the universe.
Kagome had been concerned over Inuyasha's sudden plans. He demanded she come with him. She had been filled with indecision...could she leave her anxious mother or her little brother, just now entering Secondary? Could she walk away from the small clerical job she had just qualified for? It didn't pay much, but it was a start. It was true that she didn’t really have any ties to Thetis, but to abandon everything, the only world she had known, for some unknown future on an unknown world on the other side of the galaxy?
But then she would have Inuyasha. With no strings attached. And THAT had finally decided her. Because she had known from the first moment she had met him...cussing her out as he nearly ran over her crossing the street. He had lurched his motorbike to a stop and called her an idiot.
It was love at first insult.
She had giggled at him, and he had stared at her like she was stark raving mad. It had ended with her riding behind him on his bike, and him taking her out the next day, and the next.
They had had a hasty exchange-of-vows in front of a harassed magistrate, and Inuyasha had triumphantly announced that they would be heading for Kyouko, where he had a few friends among the Ookami Clan that claimed that section of the galaxy as their territory. THAT really sat in his brother's craw, that an inu of the old blood would seek his fortune among their wolfish rivals. Inuyasha had relished the thought of Sesshoumaru's reaction, but they had never seen it.
As soon as they were married, Inuyasha had booked passage on the Eminence, whose destination included the Yorokuzo cluster. They had spent the first day in their cabin, vigorously expressing their new-found love. Kagome blushed in memory---Inuyasha was an enthusiastic lover. Her thoughts turned romantic, and she idly caressed her hanyou and softly whispered, "Inuyasha?"
Her mate's only answer was the disturbed rumbling of his belly. White ears flattened against his silver hair, and he gave her a sheepish grin as Kagome's mouth fell open in surprise. Romantic thoughts dissolving, she giggled. "Hungry?"
"Yeah." He drew her close and nibbled on her ear so that a different kind of hunger stirred in her as well, but his belly protested---loudly.
Kagome shook her head, and smacked her curled fist lightly against his arm. "You're a walking stomach, Inuyasha."
He gave her a fanged grin. "Well, I have to keep my strength up."
Kagome shook her head, but her arms twined around his waist as she nudged him toward the direction of the cafeteria. The ship was equipped with two restaurants, and they could even summon room service for an exorbitant fee. But they both preferred just taking their meals, free with the purchase of their fare, in the noisy camaraderie of the second-class catery.
Inuyasha kept his arm draped across her shoulders as they walked from the upper deck and toward the inner tiers of the vast ship. Even through the thick carpeting that muffled their footsteps, they could feel the vast thrumming movement of the ship as it hurtled through space. The journey, even with FTL drives, would take a few weeks to get to their destination. It was their honeymoon, and Kagome planned to make GOOD use of it.
*~*~*~*~*
Dinner was served buffet-style, and Inuyasha had gone back to the long bar twice already to fill up the empty hole that made up his stomach. Kagome had piled her plate full on her first trip, and taken a taste of everything, but it was Inuyasha who had ended up emptying his three plates AND hers.
There had been few patrons in the cafeteria when they had arrived, but the crowd rose steadily as they dined, until now it was a maze to work through the over-crowded facility. Most passengers in second class would not pass up a free meal.
Kagome insisted on carrying her own tray to the depository, as Inuyasha had more than enough to juggle with three trays and various empty plastic cups. He sucked beer like others drank water, and never seemed the worse for it. It was one of the things about him that Kagome found exasperatingly adorable.
Kagome wormed her way through the growing crowds, and stepped aside---and into someone---trying to avoid yet another person barging past her. Inuyasha snapped an irritated growl at the man, who was already disappearing into the crowd. Kagome turned to apologize to the girl she had stumbled into, and blinked as a pair of vacant brown eyes met hers.
"I'm so sorry." Kagome apologized. "I didn't mean to bump into you."
The eyes seemed puzzled, and then there was a flash of understanding. "I'm fine." There was an awkward pause, and then the girl said, "Thank you."
Kagome dumped her tray into the designated waste-bin, and smiled warmly. The girl was roughly her own age, and while she was way too thin, and dressed in an ugly, army-green coverall, she was really pretty. Her hair was swept back into a tight ponytail, and she had the most intriguing scarlet tattoo on the upper side of her eyelids, like permanent eye-shadow. Hadn't Inuyasha's brother Sesshoumaru worn something similar? There was something about the strange girl that was just plain intriguing...
Sticking out her hand, Kagome said, "Hi. I'm Kagome."
The girl looked at her extended hand with a faint frown. The brown eyes flicked up to hers, and Kagome was taken aback at the sudden flash of tensed apprehension in them. "I'm sorry, miss."
Kagome let her hand fall, but was hardly discouraged. "What's your name?"
The girl paused, as if taken aback. She had to think for a moment. "Sango. Jennar."
"Do you work here?" Kagome asked, eyes scanning the ugly coverall that now seemed a uniform.
"Yes." There was an undecided timidity in the girl, and Kagome smiled encouragingly at her. She had seen few people her own age on the ship, and she felt an instant fascination for this strange woman. Although she couldn't say why, Kagome LIKED her, and was intensely curious about this Sango's strange behavior. Kagome's warmth was seeping into the awkward girl and she actually managed a faint smile in return.
"Who are you?" Inuyasha interrupted with a brusque growl, suddenly, vitally THERE, right beside them.
The girl shrank back, away from the hanyou. Her brown eyes had widened as they lit on Inuyasha’s rather tell-tale ears. Kagome thought them adorable, but this girl seemed suddenly tense as she frankly stared. Inuyasha's ears twitched in irritation and his amber eyes narrowed in annoyance. He hated it when simple ningen stared at the gift of his father's youkai blood.
"Inuyasha." She drew out in warning until his ears flattened against the silver-white mane. Kagome grabbed one of his clawed hands in hers. With an over-bright smile, she introduced, "This is Sango."
"Whatever." Inuyasha tossed his armload of cups and trays into the waste-bin with a loud clatter. The strange girl flinched as if terrified. Her eyes were wide, her breath short.
"I'm sorry." Kagome apologized, mentally berating her mate for his callous behavior. The strange girl was almost cowering away from her sweet little puppy! Poor thing---she was scared of her own shadow! Kagome made up her mind right then and there that she would befriend this poor little orphan, strange as she was. The poor thing NEEDED a friend.
"Hanyou." The whisper was so faint that Kagome could barely hear it. Inuyasha gave the strange girl an ambered look of exasperation.
"Obviously." His fangs flashed, and he abruptly turned away in disgust. Kagome gave the girl a mute look of apology. She paused to grab one limp white hand in her two, and was surprised at how cold it was.
"Ignore him. He can be so rude! You don't have to be scared of him, though. He's just a big puppy. All bark." The girl gave her a confused look, and stared at Kagome's hands clasping hers as if startled by the touch. Kagome wanted to hug her, but settled for releasing her hand and patting her shoulder instead. "I hope to see you around, Sango. I'd like to get to know you. I think we could be friends."
The confusion in the honey-brown eyes was almost heart-wrenching.
"Kagome!"
Kagome rolled her eyes. One day, she would have to break Inuyasha of that horrible habit of hollering for her across the room, but today would not be the day. Turning her head, she called back, "Coming!"
With a smile in Sango's direction, she said airily, "I'll see you around, okay?"
Sango did not even have a chance to reply as Kagome whirled away with a final wave and carefree smile, hurrying over to her annoyed mate’s side.
*~*~*~*~*
"Why the hell do you want to see her again?" Inuyasha demanded irritably.
Kagome just smiled. "I just do. She needs a friend."
"She's weird." Inuyasha replied bluntly.
"She's lost." Kagome said with sudden seriousness.
"She's an idiot." Inuyasha growled, still itchy from the girl's wacky reaction to him.
Kagome just shook her head at him. Leaning up on her toes, she kissed her short-tempered mate, and patted his arm, much as she had Sango's. "You couldn't understand, koi."
"Feh. Whatever." Inuyasha scowled.
Kagome's eyes turned cajoling as she twined her arms around her lover's waist. "Let's not argue. We have a lot better things to do with our time."
Inuyasha's amber eyes melted into gold at the dark promise in hers. Bending his head to nibble on her throat, he pulled his mate's body to his with awakened passion, annoyance quickly forgotten.
*~*~*~*~*
Sango was mildly perturbed at how many times in the following days that she saw the strange girl named Kagome. It seemed as if the girl was stalking her, but that was stupid. Why would a pretty, vibrant girl like Kagome Higurashi-Takahashi hunt her out to make idle conversation? It only disturbed her because Kagome bore the same last name as the doctor who had overseen her care. But it also helped her to remember from day to day who the girl was.
Another side-effect of her psychological Alteration was short-term memory depletion, or absent-minded forgetfulness. But the name Higurashi acted like a catalyst-word for Sango to remember the strange girl's various attempts to draw her out, unlike the assorted efforts day to day by other people who faded from her conscious like escaping shadows.
There were few young women onboard ship, and even Sango's vague withdrawal had not deterred quite a few men, both passengers and crew, from trying to talk to her. She dismissed their efforts with mild rebuff, and the strange behavior of an Altered automaton quickly overcame any further endeavors.
She forgot them as easily as she forgot the dark dreams that troubled her sleep as she fell into the new routine of work aboard ship. She worked long hours in the under-staffed second-class cafeteria. The ship's captain had traded temporary labor in exchange for the Altereds’ passage to Kyouko. The normal work crew onboard ship avoided the four strange individuals after the few friendly overtures on their part were ignored or dismissed.
Sango was left alone for long periods of time. She did not interact with any of the others who had come with her---each was lost in their own silent world. She often sat on her bunk, staring blankly at the empty bed across from her, waiting for her next work-cycle to begin. She spent hours re-folding her few articles of clothing and in mindlessly brushing her hair, until long black strands would come out in her comb.
The meaningless emptiness was far better than the times when, alone with only her thoughts for hours on end, the dark terror that ever hovered at the back of her mind would come out to grip her in fierce possession.
It was then that she had to resort to the sleeping pills, and she loathed her need for them. The worst came when she was asleep, and her defenses and the intense psychological training of Alteration were forgotten. She would wake up in sweating terror, grabbing for the pills that were her only surcease from the torment.
~Kohaku!~
And so she tried not to sleep. It seemed the only way to keep the nightmares at bay, as the psychological conditioning that had been her daily refuge was slowly slipping from its hold. Even though she had a semblance of routine aboard ship, it was not the same intensely-controlled environment she had existed in on Station Nine. Her psychological exercises were not reinforced by interactions with Dr. Higurashi, or any of the other nameless medics who had supervised her life back on Station. In desperation, she tried to keep up the semblance of a reassuringly blank existence.
She grew thinner, and the dark circles under her hollow cheeks were more pronounced. She hated eating in the cafeteria where she worked. People would ask her, in concern, if she was feeling all right.
Even her co-workers had begun to notice, and the ship's medic had come to see her, advising that she needed to rest. And thus she was dismissed from work for the next three days, by the concerned, well-meaning medic's orders.
A prospect that left Sango utterly terrified.
Three days. Three days with nothing to do, and nowhere to go. No routine. No continuance. No meaning. Everything that held her sanity together was being deliberately taken away from her, and always in the back of her mind were the threateningly dark terrors that hovered, waiting, for her to let her guard down.
~No...~
The promised oblivion of the little white pills frightened her. For some reason, she thought that she would not be able to stop at just two, that she would seek eternal oblivion in their inviting presence.
And the thought of self-destruction was even more terrifying than a reality of quasi-existence.
Her thoughts whirled in desperation, seeking anything to distract her from her internal fears. There was something that Higurashi had said...something that nagged at her. She could almost hear the voice of Dr. Higurashi in her mind, but no---it was different. Higher. More alive than the psy-medic’s could ever be...
"When I get bored, I take a walk. I love to see the stars going by. Inuyasha thinks I'm crazy, but I never tire of the view on deck."
Take a walk.
A walk? Where to? There was no direction in it, no meaning. The girl was always chattering away at her, even if she were not really paying attention. But Sango suddenly had an image, a surprisingly vivid image in a foggy world of half-existence, of Kagome saying those exact words to her sometime in the past day or two. Was it yesterday? Or the day before? Did it matter? Time had little meaning, there existed only the routine. And it was gone from her now.
In desperation, Sango was willing to try anything. And the name Higurashi was almost a catalyst to her. Dr. Higurashi, with the quiet voice and the remote eyes, had always told her what to do, how to feel, how to act. Kagome Higurashi was not her doctor, but her words made some sense in an increasingly unfamiliar world.
At least, it was something to do that she could focus on, something she could use to keep the hovering darkness at bay. It was such a small, simple, little thing that filled her with such dread and terror because it was such an independent thought to a mind that had been Altered toward obedient dependence...
~Focus on the little things...~
Sango abruptly stood up, and faced the blank wall that was her door. With sudden determination and clarity, she knew what she would do.
She would take a walk.
*~*~*~*~*
Those three days of freedom were a wonder to Sango. Kagome spent as much time with her as she could. By the end of the day, Sango was so weary that she slept undisturbed, without once having to resort to the little white pills she loathed.
Kagome took her all over the ship. They had even dined in one of the first-class restaurants, at a tiny table in a quiet corner, with the stars around them flickering past through the open-sided windows. Kagome had ordered her something sweet that melted into a thick soup as Sango had stared in utter fascination at the stars. Kagome had laughed over her dismay when Sango had realized that her desert had melted, and then shown her that ice cream was just as good when eaten like miso soup.
They would stand together for hours, and Kagome would speak of her life back on Thetis, the green paradise over which Station Nine circled like a metallic moon. She was free with her feelings, her worries of what the future may hold on Kyouko, her homesickness for a mother who worried too much and a brother who worried too little. And in everything, there was her love for her mate, who still made Sango nervous, though she was better at hiding it. He was brusque and rude, but not unkind, and Sango no longer flinched when he came by to claim his wife once more.
Sango treasured their time together, and kept the knowledge of Kagome's friendship like a small kernel of warmth, when the grim reality of her renewed work schedule intruded. She should have been happy to embrace the daily continuation of work, but there was something in her now that was discontented with the long hours and empty loneliness of her dull existence. Kagome was such a vibrant, beautiful person, and Sango could now feel the difference between them.
She existed like a shadow, slipping through life and scared to claim or dare more. But it had not always been that way, she had not always been so...
*~*~*~*~*
The tech stared over his shoulder in nervous fright. Damn, but he wished the damn job was done.
Hunching his shoulders defensively, he jabbed a few more codes into the small computer terminal that faced him. Damn equipment. He couldn't believe he was typing out a message like a First-Worlder. But the communications relay they had given him was primitive, and cheap. Current technology had long since abandoned the old habits of the global-spanning internet that had once been the only communication that linked the various solar systems across the settled galaxy. He could see WHY it had been abandoned. The damn thing took forever to process...
Nervously glancing over his shoulder again, the tech tapped out a second command. The cursor on the old-fashioned screen blinked for a moment, before the entire relay went dead.
Damn.
He just hoped the stupid message had gotten through.
Still, he had one more thing to do. Destroy the evidence, and then he had done his job, the one in which he had been paid hard credit for. Good credit, metal-based and hard to trace---which made the transaction all the better to HIS way of thinking. He hoped fervently never to cross the path of that black-clad man again. That man had been one cold fish, and damn eerie.
Sweat touched his balding brow as the tech scuttled the broken relay behind some scrap metal in a back part of one of the ship's holds. It wouldn't be found there for a long time, and when it was, it would just be someone's discarded trash, abandoned and left behind.
All evidence untraceable.
And as the tech heaved a heavy sigh of relief, and walked oh-so-casually back to his work station before he was missed, the message he had tapped out sped on its way across the black vacuum of deep space...
"Package intact. Delivery imminent…"
THE SOURCE OF SOLACE
Bred as a weapon, and betrayed by her own kind, Sango's true identity was erased by Alteration. But it just left the way open for manipulation by those who would use her for their own ends. Assassination and Love collide in a star-crossing AU universe. K/S I/K
A/N: Forgot to add my sincere thanks to Fairia, who beta-ed my first chapter, helped me write the first Sango scenes and reconciled me to a dead corpse. Additional thanks go to Dark Queen, who listened late into the night as I mumbled through bad grammar on the second. XD
WARNING! Dark imagery and lime, adult situations and issues. Foul language omitted on ff dot net.
CHAPTER TWO
Sango regarded herself with mild disgust. In the harsh light of day, she dismissed the terrors of the night before with customary brusqueness, mildly tainted with acute embarrassment. The psychological exercises in which she had been reprogrammed took over, and she picked herself up off of the cold tile, ignoring the cramping muscles that had tightened from the uncomfortable bed she had slept in. She automatically proceeded to pick up the various bottles and tubes that littered the wash-basin and floor around her. Putting them back methodically into the recessed cabinet and into their established places, she soon had the mess cleared up as if it had never been.
Just as the mess that had once been in her mind had been cleared by the psychological Alteration that she had been given, so that nothing of what disturbed her remained.
With habitual movements, she disrobed and turned on the shower. Beneath the splattering drops, she washed away the dried sweat from her skin and shampooed the tangles from her long hair. Her mind focusing solely on the next task, she ignored the dulled ache that hovered like a sore tooth at the back of her thoughts.
~Focus on the little things, one at a time, in order of sequence.~
Was the thought hers, or one implanted by the psychological purging of Identity Alteration? It didn't matter. Focus on the little things.
Brush your hair and tie it up taut so that no hair would escape confinement, pull on the grey synthetic cloth of your plain uniform and seal it tight, so that nothing would be different from any of the dozens of others who worked with her in the cafeteria on Level Two.
Slipping on the plain boots that completed her work ensemble, Sango made certain that her ID tags were hanging around her neck and that her papers were in the upper pocket of her coveralls where any who demanded to see them could retrieve them easily. She opened the door to her tiny apartment, and locked it automatically behind her. The place was as barren and clean as if she had never lived there, as barren and clean as it was every time she departed it for the day.
As she walked the long, familiar route from her living quarters to her work assignment post on the secondary level of Station Nine, Sango ignored the mild grumbling in her empty stomach. She had forgotten to eat breakfast, but she often forgot. Food was fuel, and when the dull ache spread to a sluggish lethargy due to under-nourishment, she would finally stop to eat.
Food was only regarded as replenishment of energy used, or so Alteration had impressed on her. A side effect, the psy-medic Dr. Higurashi had told her with an almost pitying glance at her thin frame. She had ignored the pity as she had ignored the psy-medic's words. She was an empty shell of automatic response, and preferred it that way. The barrier of Alteration allowed her to ignore the painful emotions she hid from, and the painful memories that hovered behind them.
She focused on the little things in life. The routine, and the banal. She was dimly aware that at one time her life had been chaotic and unpredictable, that she had never known from one day to the next what might occur. At one time, she might have relished it, but now she regarded her old life with a faint sense of disturbed unease. ~Focus on the little things.~ The old life was gone, dead. There was only the here, and now.
She went to work each day. They had offered her a rest-day, which she might take off and spend time on her own, amusing herself as she sometimes, dimly, realized others did. But she hated the disturbance to her daily routine, loathed the hours spent alone when the painful, angry memories might creep out of the darkness and eat at her.
She hated the silence of her own rooms more than the dreary drudgery of work in the cafeteria. And not all of the work was hard and unrewarding. There was the pride she could claim in a task accomplished---a table or surface cleaned, a floor mopped free of dirt, or even the simple finality of emptied disposal units and trash receptacles. And sometimes, sometimes, she was allowed to help the harassed cooks and serving staff. She did not like interacting with the various diners who came to the station's cafeteria, it made her tense and worried when they responded to her strange, almost timid behavior as if she were something peculiar and not quite real. But she was proud of the work she did, of the help she gave in the tasks assigned her.
It was one of the little things she could focus on.
Cooperation and stability, doing something to aid others. Something useful. Something needed by society. These simple ideals had become important to her since her Alteration. What had been before did not matter, was not necessary to her existence now. The Alteration, something she had not requested she knew with a disturbed sense of unreality, but something--that she understood with the psychologically-trained awareness of it---that she had needed, was allowing her to pursue a new existence.
A focused existence.
*~*~*~*~*
Dr. Kikyou Higurashi watched the young woman with faint concern marring her white brow. The man in a plain grey suit who stood beside her ignored the workers below them as if they held no consequence. They didn't, in his world.
~Beaurecrats.~
"I am not certain that Miss Jennar would be a good candidate for relocation." Kikyou began tactfully with a frown. She was a reserved woman, who did not like interacting with many people. People were too disturbing, too unpredictable. She preferred her work as a research psychologist and medical doctor. She understood disease, understood research and the cold discipline and impersonality of scientific medicine.
She felt a mild compassion for those placed under her care, but her very nature allowed her to be a brilliant doctor in her chosen field of psychoanalysis.
"Did I ask for your opinion, Dr. Higuarashi?" The man replied mildly, and Kikyou's dislike of the little, self-important weasel increased. How dare he barge in on her, and demand that she accompany him on this survey of specified individuals? But Dr. Latham, the director under which she worked, had ordered her compliance with the station-representative's wishes. Their funding came directly from Station Nine, and what the Lord Sesshoumaru and his mouth-piece of a council demanded, they received.
"I only asked you, doctor, if that woman down there has assimilated her Identity Alteration as proscribed by the Council." The nasty little man went on, full of his own petty delusions of power and relishing what little he held over her.
Kikyou did not hide her contempt or dislike. "Miss Jennar has completed her preliminary psychological redirection as decreed by the Council of Nine."
"Then she is past needing your coddling, Dr. Higurashi." The man smiled condescendingly.
Kikyou disdained to reply to the man's nasty comment. It was true that Sango Jennar was past her observational period, that the psychological Alteration she had undergone had had more than enough time to take permanent effect on her psyche, but the girl who worked so diligently below them disturbed her.
There were times in which Kikyou would entertain faint suspicions that the enormous impact of Alteration had NOT taken complete effect, that there was more that lay beneath the surface to this girl's mind than what showed in the vacant brown eyes of an Altered individual. There was something that lurked there, disturbing the doctor's peace of mind. And she felt a modicum of responsibility for the young woman. Sango Jennar had been HER patient, had been HER experiment, HER responsibility. Kikyou hated to let her go out from under her careful observation and reinforcement.
But it was not in her power to keep the girl here, where she might continue to reaffirm Alteration's psychological prerogatives. And while it disturbed her, that the Station's council had decreed that a certain number of individuals who were able to work independently on various, mundane tasks such as Sanitation and Food Prep would depart on the starship Eminence for the colonial world of Kyouko (where their particular abilities and lack of psychological impairment or personal grievances would interfere with their rather dreary, yet necessary jobs) still she must let her concerns over this particular girl go.
If Station decreed that Sango Jennar was well enough to accompany the general work-team to Kyouko, then she washed her hands of it. The Identity Alteration training the girl had received would either prove dominant, or the girl would go insane under the pressures of change. She, Kikyou, had no power over the girl’s future, and less concern.
Or so she told herself.
*~*~*~*~*
Sango’s gaze flickered over the silent woman with unease. The doctor, usually so remote and businesslike, seemed somewhat put out, and it made Sango feel agitated and confused. She did not like change in the familiar routine of her world, and the fact that Dr. Higurashi was not acting with her normal, clinical professionalism mildly perturbed her.
Sango actually dared to voice a question, though she had to clear the dryness from her throat and swallow a few times before the whisper came out as more of a hoarse croak than a question. “Is something wrong, doctor?”
Dr. Higurashi’s head jerked up, and she gave her patient a slightly surprised glance. The remote brown eyes seemed to focus on her, Sango, as a person for once, and not as a simple case-study.
Compassion flickered across the deep darkness of the psy-medic’s gaze, and then she looked away, troubled. “I should not be the one to tell you this. Your orders come directly from HQ. But I do not see any benefit in allowing you to be distressed with unanswered questions.”
Sango’s forehead wrinkled slightly in a frown, before the deeper training of her Alteration asserted itself and funneled her silent agitation away. ~Focus on the little things…~
She waited patiently for the doctor to speak, and it was almost as if she listened from a greater distance than where the doctor stood, right beside her. The words passed over her with little effect, though a small part of her grew worried and tensed at the abrupt decision of her superiors to have her transported out of Station Nine’s catery unit and on assignment to some strange, orbiting colony out in the middle of nowhere. But she had no control over her own life or decisions anymore, and with a faint sense of unease, she had the vague feeling that she had never, ever, truly had control over her own destiny.
She took the news of her release and relocation as she did everything else since her Alteration---with a stoic acceptance of what she had no control over, and an almost dulled sense of agreeable affability. Above all, she must not show fear, or give into the faint alarm that hovered across the back of her thoughts. Therein lay her ruin. She had a vague sense that to show fear was to show weakness…
“Do you understand, Miss Jennar?” Dr. Higurashi asked her, her brown eyes compelling.
Sango nodded once in acknowledgement. She understood.
Dr. Higurashi’s dark eyes scanned hers for a long moment. Sango sat expressionlessly, her body relaxed.
Sheep for the slaughter.
*~*~*~*~*
There were four of them, moving like controlled automatons as they lined up together in front of the processing desk, escorted by a white Medic and a bored man from Station Security. The clerk behind the desk, young, curious, blinked up at the small group of tranportees and smiled tentatively as the medic motioned for Sango to step up first. The young woman was quite pretty, if thin, and the processing clerk gave her the once-over with admiration.
“Where ya headed?” He asked, undeterred by the hovering Sec officer. The girl…Sango Jennar…just stared at him without reaction, like she had never even heard him. He gave her an irritated glance, which was intercepted by the white-robed medic.
“These four recruits need to be cleared for the starhip Eminence. That is all you need to know.”
The clerk frowned, not liking some jumped-up doctor telling him what to do. But those four gave him the creeps. Not one of them even flicked an eyelid at him, and they stood around like zombies until the last one’s personal papers were stamped with release approval. And then they all shuffled along at the medic’s wave, the Sec officer taking up the rear, fighting back a yawn as if he had nothing to fear from them.
The clerk stared after them as the small group passed through the intake tunnel and into the decontamination chamber beyond. It was only then that the thought occurred to him that they might be some of the Altereds people were whispering about. It was almost unnerving how unresponsive they were, how much they acted like mechanical robots, or empty-headed zombies. It was downright sick.
“Freaks.” He muttered under his breath, swiveling back around as a new pair of people---this couple thankfully all-too-real, with a couple of noisy brats in tow---came forward with papers in hand.
*~*~*~*~*~*
She awoke with a start as the metallic floor under her body shuddered to life. She jerked at the unfamiliar motion, and hissed as cramped muscles twitched with returning feeling. The white pills scattered around her spoke volumes. Blinking sleep-caked eyes, Sango focused on them with a faint sense of mild dismay.
Gathering them up one by one consumed her conscious mind for quite a time, and as she carefully replaced the cap and put the little bottle away in her designated drawer, she worried at the deeper implications of it. What had made her so agitated that she could not remember taking them? It was worrisome, but she must focus on changing into another set of coveralls. The ones she wore were wrinkled and stiff with sweat. She wished she could take a shower, clean the tangles from her hair, and wash the imagined dirt from her skin.
The small cabin she had been allocated, however, did not contain direct access to sanitary facilities. Sango settled for changing into a clean uniform, which she had unpacked into the shallow drawer that lined the bottom of her chosen berth. Bunks were sandwiched along either wall, rising three high, and the small room could have slept six in close quarters.
There was barely any room between the two rows for her to maneuver, and although she had the whole room to herself, Sango was careful to keep her intrusion to the bed she had been assigned. She spent some time re-making the bunk and re-folding the few contents of her single drawer, so that the dirtied coverall would not contaminate any of the others.
"An obsession with cleanliness and order is one of the various side effects of Alteration..."
Where had she heard that voice that echoed in her mind? A picture of the psy-medic, Dr. Higurashi, flickered out of her memory, but she dismissed it---as well as the intrusive thought from before. Why she had resorted to the small, white sleeping aids was no concern of hers. She must be ready when they called for her.
It took her over an hour to brush her long, black hair into order. Each stroke of the comb was rhythmic, soothing. She brushed the troubled thoughts away with each methodic stroke, and even when her hair was satin-smooth and shiny from brushing, she continued until she was satisfied that it was as tidy as she could make it---and then once more just to ensure that not one hair might stray out of place from the tight ponytail in which she confined it. The shorter tendrils of her bangs and cheeks caressed her skin with static, but she was finally satisfied with the result.
Having nothing more to do, she sat on her designated bunk and waited. Folding her hands in front of her, she stared at the far wall, ignoring the continued shuddering of the ship as it accelerated into deep space. Her expression was calm and remote, her brown eyes blank.
Eventually, they would come and tell her what she would need to do.
*~*~*~*~*
Kagome stood on the upper observation deck, her hands curled tight on the thin, metal safety bar that separated the open observation deck from the protective bubble of clear plaz-glass. From this angle, it almost felt as if she were flying through the passing stars without the thick metal and plastic shielding that kept the vast vacuum of space at bay. Pinpoints of light whirled past, swirling illuminations twitching through the dark blackness of deep space.
It was awesome!
"Inuyasha! Come look at this view!"
Her impatient mate gave her an annoyed glance out of golden-amber eyes.
"Feh." He snorted with an irritated shrug. He didn't give a shit if the view was great. It was just a bunch of stupid stars out there. Nothing to make such a damn fuss over. But Kagome was always making a fuss over something.
She looked at the world like an intrigued child. An innocent child. She was so sweet and gullible. It was HIS job to protect her from her rather naive views on life. Her unfeigned delight in the world around them could get on his nerves sometimes, but it was also one of the things he treasured most about the woman he loved.
Kagome wrinkled her nose at him, though her brown eyes were lit with amusement. Inuyasha only fronted a world-weary attitude. At heart, he was just as sweet as she was. She pretended not to notice---his pride was prickly---but it was one of the things she loved about him. Granted, she loved EVERYTHING about him.
Abandoning her inspiring view from the glass, she went to her silver-haired hanyou and slid her arms around his waist. Snuggling up, she gave him a tender smile. Inuyasha rolled his eyes, but a strong arm draped over her shoulders possessively as he hauled her tighter against his side.
Kagome's brown eyes grew dreamy. "It's so beautiful." She waved airily at the wide-open view of the observation deck, where the stars streamed past in flittering motes across inky emptiness. She still couldn't believe that she and her hanyou mate were traveling across the galaxy to a future where there would no one looking down on them for their choice of mate in a divisive society. Where the specter of Inuyasha’s cold, older brother and her worrisome mother would not haunt them.
Inuyasha made a derisive noise in the back of his throat. Who would ever think that this barbarian of a hanyou was the younger brother to the aristocratic---and autocratic--- Lord Sesshoumaru? They were so different, and not only for their mothers. Where Sesshoumaru was all remote elegance and icy disdain, taking for granted his titles and inheritance as one of the old line of youkai nobility, Inuyasha was so much more earthy and REAL.
Sesshoumaru had threatened to disinherit his half-human brother when he had started dating Kagome. The Taiyoukai had actually thought that that threat would actually work. But Inuyasha, in his typically blunt style, had told the austere Lord to go fuck himself, and had immediately shown up at Kagome's home, much to her agitated mother's displeasure, and told her he meant to leave their stringent, role-wearied world for something better on the other end of the universe.
Kagome had been concerned over Inuyasha's sudden plans. He demanded she come with him. She had been filled with indecision...could she leave her anxious mother or her little brother, just now entering Secondary? Could she walk away from the small clerical job she had just qualified for? It didn't pay much, but it was a start. It was true that she didn’t really have any ties to Thetis, but to abandon everything, the only world she had known, for some unknown future on an unknown world on the other side of the galaxy?
But then she would have Inuyasha. With no strings attached. And THAT had finally decided her. Because she had known from the first moment she had met him...cussing her out as he nearly ran over her crossing the street. He had lurched his motorbike to a stop and called her an idiot.
It was love at first insult.
She had giggled at him, and he had stared at her like she was stark raving mad. It had ended with her riding behind him on his bike, and him taking her out the next day, and the next.
They had had a hasty exchange-of-vows in front of a harassed magistrate, and Inuyasha had triumphantly announced that they would be heading for Kyouko, where he had a few friends among the Ookami Clan that claimed that section of the galaxy as their territory. THAT really sat in his brother's craw, that an inu of the old blood would seek his fortune among their wolfish rivals. Inuyasha had relished the thought of Sesshoumaru's reaction, but they had never seen it.
As soon as they were married, Inuyasha had booked passage on the Eminence, whose destination included the Yorokuzo cluster. They had spent the first day in their cabin, vigorously expressing their new-found love. Kagome blushed in memory---Inuyasha was an enthusiastic lover. Her thoughts turned romantic, and she idly caressed her hanyou and softly whispered, "Inuyasha?"
Her mate's only answer was the disturbed rumbling of his belly. White ears flattened against his silver hair, and he gave her a sheepish grin as Kagome's mouth fell open in surprise. Romantic thoughts dissolving, she giggled. "Hungry?"
"Yeah." He drew her close and nibbled on her ear so that a different kind of hunger stirred in her as well, but his belly protested---loudly.
Kagome shook her head, and smacked her curled fist lightly against his arm. "You're a walking stomach, Inuyasha."
He gave her a fanged grin. "Well, I have to keep my strength up."
Kagome shook her head, but her arms twined around his waist as she nudged him toward the direction of the cafeteria. The ship was equipped with two restaurants, and they could even summon room service for an exorbitant fee. But they both preferred just taking their meals, free with the purchase of their fare, in the noisy camaraderie of the second-class catery.
Inuyasha kept his arm draped across her shoulders as they walked from the upper deck and toward the inner tiers of the vast ship. Even through the thick carpeting that muffled their footsteps, they could feel the vast thrumming movement of the ship as it hurtled through space. The journey, even with FTL drives, would take a few weeks to get to their destination. It was their honeymoon, and Kagome planned to make GOOD use of it.
*~*~*~*~*
Dinner was served buffet-style, and Inuyasha had gone back to the long bar twice already to fill up the empty hole that made up his stomach. Kagome had piled her plate full on her first trip, and taken a taste of everything, but it was Inuyasha who had ended up emptying his three plates AND hers.
There had been few patrons in the cafeteria when they had arrived, but the crowd rose steadily as they dined, until now it was a maze to work through the over-crowded facility. Most passengers in second class would not pass up a free meal.
Kagome insisted on carrying her own tray to the depository, as Inuyasha had more than enough to juggle with three trays and various empty plastic cups. He sucked beer like others drank water, and never seemed the worse for it. It was one of the things about him that Kagome found exasperatingly adorable.
Kagome wormed her way through the growing crowds, and stepped aside---and into someone---trying to avoid yet another person barging past her. Inuyasha snapped an irritated growl at the man, who was already disappearing into the crowd. Kagome turned to apologize to the girl she had stumbled into, and blinked as a pair of vacant brown eyes met hers.
"I'm so sorry." Kagome apologized. "I didn't mean to bump into you."
The eyes seemed puzzled, and then there was a flash of understanding. "I'm fine." There was an awkward pause, and then the girl said, "Thank you."
Kagome dumped her tray into the designated waste-bin, and smiled warmly. The girl was roughly her own age, and while she was way too thin, and dressed in an ugly, army-green coverall, she was really pretty. Her hair was swept back into a tight ponytail, and she had the most intriguing scarlet tattoo on the upper side of her eyelids, like permanent eye-shadow. Hadn't Inuyasha's brother Sesshoumaru worn something similar? There was something about the strange girl that was just plain intriguing...
Sticking out her hand, Kagome said, "Hi. I'm Kagome."
The girl looked at her extended hand with a faint frown. The brown eyes flicked up to hers, and Kagome was taken aback at the sudden flash of tensed apprehension in them. "I'm sorry, miss."
Kagome let her hand fall, but was hardly discouraged. "What's your name?"
The girl paused, as if taken aback. She had to think for a moment. "Sango. Jennar."
"Do you work here?" Kagome asked, eyes scanning the ugly coverall that now seemed a uniform.
"Yes." There was an undecided timidity in the girl, and Kagome smiled encouragingly at her. She had seen few people her own age on the ship, and she felt an instant fascination for this strange woman. Although she couldn't say why, Kagome LIKED her, and was intensely curious about this Sango's strange behavior. Kagome's warmth was seeping into the awkward girl and she actually managed a faint smile in return.
"Who are you?" Inuyasha interrupted with a brusque growl, suddenly, vitally THERE, right beside them.
The girl shrank back, away from the hanyou. Her brown eyes had widened as they lit on Inuyasha’s rather tell-tale ears. Kagome thought them adorable, but this girl seemed suddenly tense as she frankly stared. Inuyasha's ears twitched in irritation and his amber eyes narrowed in annoyance. He hated it when simple ningen stared at the gift of his father's youkai blood.
"Inuyasha." She drew out in warning until his ears flattened against the silver-white mane. Kagome grabbed one of his clawed hands in hers. With an over-bright smile, she introduced, "This is Sango."
"Whatever." Inuyasha tossed his armload of cups and trays into the waste-bin with a loud clatter. The strange girl flinched as if terrified. Her eyes were wide, her breath short.
"I'm sorry." Kagome apologized, mentally berating her mate for his callous behavior. The strange girl was almost cowering away from her sweet little puppy! Poor thing---she was scared of her own shadow! Kagome made up her mind right then and there that she would befriend this poor little orphan, strange as she was. The poor thing NEEDED a friend.
"Hanyou." The whisper was so faint that Kagome could barely hear it. Inuyasha gave the strange girl an ambered look of exasperation.
"Obviously." His fangs flashed, and he abruptly turned away in disgust. Kagome gave the girl a mute look of apology. She paused to grab one limp white hand in her two, and was surprised at how cold it was.
"Ignore him. He can be so rude! You don't have to be scared of him, though. He's just a big puppy. All bark." The girl gave her a confused look, and stared at Kagome's hands clasping hers as if startled by the touch. Kagome wanted to hug her, but settled for releasing her hand and patting her shoulder instead. "I hope to see you around, Sango. I'd like to get to know you. I think we could be friends."
The confusion in the honey-brown eyes was almost heart-wrenching.
"Kagome!"
Kagome rolled her eyes. One day, she would have to break Inuyasha of that horrible habit of hollering for her across the room, but today would not be the day. Turning her head, she called back, "Coming!"
With a smile in Sango's direction, she said airily, "I'll see you around, okay?"
Sango did not even have a chance to reply as Kagome whirled away with a final wave and carefree smile, hurrying over to her annoyed mate’s side.
*~*~*~*~*
"Why the hell do you want to see her again?" Inuyasha demanded irritably.
Kagome just smiled. "I just do. She needs a friend."
"She's weird." Inuyasha replied bluntly.
"She's lost." Kagome said with sudden seriousness.
"She's an idiot." Inuyasha growled, still itchy from the girl's wacky reaction to him.
Kagome just shook her head at him. Leaning up on her toes, she kissed her short-tempered mate, and patted his arm, much as she had Sango's. "You couldn't understand, koi."
"Feh. Whatever." Inuyasha scowled.
Kagome's eyes turned cajoling as she twined her arms around her lover's waist. "Let's not argue. We have a lot better things to do with our time."
Inuyasha's amber eyes melted into gold at the dark promise in hers. Bending his head to nibble on her throat, he pulled his mate's body to his with awakened passion, annoyance quickly forgotten.
*~*~*~*~*
Sango was mildly perturbed at how many times in the following days that she saw the strange girl named Kagome. It seemed as if the girl was stalking her, but that was stupid. Why would a pretty, vibrant girl like Kagome Higurashi-Takahashi hunt her out to make idle conversation? It only disturbed her because Kagome bore the same last name as the doctor who had overseen her care. But it also helped her to remember from day to day who the girl was.
Another side-effect of her psychological Alteration was short-term memory depletion, or absent-minded forgetfulness. But the name Higurashi acted like a catalyst-word for Sango to remember the strange girl's various attempts to draw her out, unlike the assorted efforts day to day by other people who faded from her conscious like escaping shadows.
There were few young women onboard ship, and even Sango's vague withdrawal had not deterred quite a few men, both passengers and crew, from trying to talk to her. She dismissed their efforts with mild rebuff, and the strange behavior of an Altered automaton quickly overcame any further endeavors.
She forgot them as easily as she forgot the dark dreams that troubled her sleep as she fell into the new routine of work aboard ship. She worked long hours in the under-staffed second-class cafeteria. The ship's captain had traded temporary labor in exchange for the Altereds’ passage to Kyouko. The normal work crew onboard ship avoided the four strange individuals after the few friendly overtures on their part were ignored or dismissed.
Sango was left alone for long periods of time. She did not interact with any of the others who had come with her---each was lost in their own silent world. She often sat on her bunk, staring blankly at the empty bed across from her, waiting for her next work-cycle to begin. She spent hours re-folding her few articles of clothing and in mindlessly brushing her hair, until long black strands would come out in her comb.
The meaningless emptiness was far better than the times when, alone with only her thoughts for hours on end, the dark terror that ever hovered at the back of her mind would come out to grip her in fierce possession.
It was then that she had to resort to the sleeping pills, and she loathed her need for them. The worst came when she was asleep, and her defenses and the intense psychological training of Alteration were forgotten. She would wake up in sweating terror, grabbing for the pills that were her only surcease from the torment.
~Kohaku!~
And so she tried not to sleep. It seemed the only way to keep the nightmares at bay, as the psychological conditioning that had been her daily refuge was slowly slipping from its hold. Even though she had a semblance of routine aboard ship, it was not the same intensely-controlled environment she had existed in on Station Nine. Her psychological exercises were not reinforced by interactions with Dr. Higurashi, or any of the other nameless medics who had supervised her life back on Station. In desperation, she tried to keep up the semblance of a reassuringly blank existence.
She grew thinner, and the dark circles under her hollow cheeks were more pronounced. She hated eating in the cafeteria where she worked. People would ask her, in concern, if she was feeling all right.
Even her co-workers had begun to notice, and the ship's medic had come to see her, advising that she needed to rest. And thus she was dismissed from work for the next three days, by the concerned, well-meaning medic's orders.
A prospect that left Sango utterly terrified.
Three days. Three days with nothing to do, and nowhere to go. No routine. No continuance. No meaning. Everything that held her sanity together was being deliberately taken away from her, and always in the back of her mind were the threateningly dark terrors that hovered, waiting, for her to let her guard down.
~No...~
The promised oblivion of the little white pills frightened her. For some reason, she thought that she would not be able to stop at just two, that she would seek eternal oblivion in their inviting presence.
And the thought of self-destruction was even more terrifying than a reality of quasi-existence.
Her thoughts whirled in desperation, seeking anything to distract her from her internal fears. There was something that Higurashi had said...something that nagged at her. She could almost hear the voice of Dr. Higurashi in her mind, but no---it was different. Higher. More alive than the psy-medic’s could ever be...
"When I get bored, I take a walk. I love to see the stars going by. Inuyasha thinks I'm crazy, but I never tire of the view on deck."
Take a walk.
A walk? Where to? There was no direction in it, no meaning. The girl was always chattering away at her, even if she were not really paying attention. But Sango suddenly had an image, a surprisingly vivid image in a foggy world of half-existence, of Kagome saying those exact words to her sometime in the past day or two. Was it yesterday? Or the day before? Did it matter? Time had little meaning, there existed only the routine. And it was gone from her now.
In desperation, Sango was willing to try anything. And the name Higurashi was almost a catalyst to her. Dr. Higurashi, with the quiet voice and the remote eyes, had always told her what to do, how to feel, how to act. Kagome Higurashi was not her doctor, but her words made some sense in an increasingly unfamiliar world.
At least, it was something to do that she could focus on, something she could use to keep the hovering darkness at bay. It was such a small, simple, little thing that filled her with such dread and terror because it was such an independent thought to a mind that had been Altered toward obedient dependence...
~Focus on the little things...~
Sango abruptly stood up, and faced the blank wall that was her door. With sudden determination and clarity, she knew what she would do.
She would take a walk.
*~*~*~*~*
Those three days of freedom were a wonder to Sango. Kagome spent as much time with her as she could. By the end of the day, Sango was so weary that she slept undisturbed, without once having to resort to the little white pills she loathed.
Kagome took her all over the ship. They had even dined in one of the first-class restaurants, at a tiny table in a quiet corner, with the stars around them flickering past through the open-sided windows. Kagome had ordered her something sweet that melted into a thick soup as Sango had stared in utter fascination at the stars. Kagome had laughed over her dismay when Sango had realized that her desert had melted, and then shown her that ice cream was just as good when eaten like miso soup.
They would stand together for hours, and Kagome would speak of her life back on Thetis, the green paradise over which Station Nine circled like a metallic moon. She was free with her feelings, her worries of what the future may hold on Kyouko, her homesickness for a mother who worried too much and a brother who worried too little. And in everything, there was her love for her mate, who still made Sango nervous, though she was better at hiding it. He was brusque and rude, but not unkind, and Sango no longer flinched when he came by to claim his wife once more.
Sango treasured their time together, and kept the knowledge of Kagome's friendship like a small kernel of warmth, when the grim reality of her renewed work schedule intruded. She should have been happy to embrace the daily continuation of work, but there was something in her now that was discontented with the long hours and empty loneliness of her dull existence. Kagome was such a vibrant, beautiful person, and Sango could now feel the difference between them.
She existed like a shadow, slipping through life and scared to claim or dare more. But it had not always been that way, she had not always been so...
*~*~*~*~*
The tech stared over his shoulder in nervous fright. Damn, but he wished the damn job was done.
Hunching his shoulders defensively, he jabbed a few more codes into the small computer terminal that faced him. Damn equipment. He couldn't believe he was typing out a message like a First-Worlder. But the communications relay they had given him was primitive, and cheap. Current technology had long since abandoned the old habits of the global-spanning internet that had once been the only communication that linked the various solar systems across the settled galaxy. He could see WHY it had been abandoned. The damn thing took forever to process...
Nervously glancing over his shoulder again, the tech tapped out a second command. The cursor on the old-fashioned screen blinked for a moment, before the entire relay went dead.
Damn.
He just hoped the stupid message had gotten through.
Still, he had one more thing to do. Destroy the evidence, and then he had done his job, the one in which he had been paid hard credit for. Good credit, metal-based and hard to trace---which made the transaction all the better to HIS way of thinking. He hoped fervently never to cross the path of that black-clad man again. That man had been one cold fish, and damn eerie.
Sweat touched his balding brow as the tech scuttled the broken relay behind some scrap metal in a back part of one of the ship's holds. It wouldn't be found there for a long time, and when it was, it would just be someone's discarded trash, abandoned and left behind.
All evidence untraceable.
And as the tech heaved a heavy sigh of relief, and walked oh-so-casually back to his work station before he was missed, the message he had tapped out sped on its way across the black vacuum of deep space...
"Package intact. Delivery imminent…"