InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Syndrome ❯ Can't Break Free Until I Let it Go ( Chapter 19 )

I do not own Inuyasha and Company, no matter how happy it would make me. Rumiko Takahashi does. I also do not own the song Lithium by Evanescence.

 

 

Chapter 19 - Can't Break Free Until I Let It Go

 

 

 

Inuyasha was sitting there just glaring at the door now. His odd suspicions had begun to pile up one on top of the next until he had a tower of `evidence' that was ready to topple over and bury him completely. First, Sesshoumaru was amazingly not horrid to Kagome Friday evening and then he let her in the house without any trouble when she'd returned. There was the odd look on his half-brother's face when he'd caught sight of Kagome naked. Sure, she was beautiful and any guy would be forced to pause and just look for a minute, but it had been more than that, like he'd been unable to look away even though he knew he should. He'd actually looked a little guilty. The way he'd scrambled for an excuse and then was too deep in his thoughts to prevent himself from getting punched twice, well that just wasn't Sesshoumaru, at least not the Sesshoumaru he thought he knew.

 

As he thought, more things popped into his mind. His brother had been one hundred percent against whatever it was they were doing in the basement until Kagome was mentioned and then suddenly he was fine with it. He'd actually apologized for insulting her this morning and he'd allowed her to speak to him like that, scream at him even, and she came back without a scratch. His mind searched further and further back, trying to remember anything that would have hinted to Sesshoumaru's interest in Kagome.

 

The first thing that came to mind was their first Christmas together, how Sesshoumaru had so suddenly excused himself while Kagome was trying to plug in the tree. He remembered that she'd commented that he didn't wait to see the tree lit up. Maybe it was because he couldn't wait? Had he been aroused by the sight of Kagome's ass in the air? He knew he sure had been, but he'd never even thought it possible for Sesshoumaru.

 

He remembered that whenever Kagome was over, Sesshoumaru seemed to be lurking somewhere close by, especially when they were screwing around in the pool. Inuyasha wanted to slap himself. How had he missed it? How could he have been so blind? It couldn't have been more obvious when Sesshoumaru had come outside and sat in one of the patio chairs around the pool. When questioned about his presence he'd simply said that he wanted to get some fresh air and sunlight, like his brother had ever had a tan in his life!

 

And Kagome had managed to get him soaking wet. They'd expected to have to protect her then, to ensure Sesshoumaru didn't drown her or anything. Instead he'd simply walked up to where she stood apologizing and pushed her into the pool. Even though he'd tried to hide it, there was the tiniest bit of a smirk visible on his face. He hadn't even gone inside to change! No, he'd sat back down and continued to watch as they splashed and played. When he'd lifted Kagome on his shoulders in the water, Inuyasha remembered seeing a scowl flash across the taiyoukai's face for a moment before disappearing.

 

So he'd liked her all this time? Was Kagome the girl they'd been talking about? But then that meant that Kagome could be in danger from Sesshoumaru's beast! And there was no way Kagome liked the inu demon, not in that or any other way, so Sesshoumaru was screwed. Finally the hanyou shook the thoughts from his mind, deciding he would just have to talk to his father in the morning.

 

When he looked up he was surprised to see Kagome with her back leaning against the sutra covered door instead of in Bankotsu's arms. He glanced at his friends in shock for allowing her to go over there but none of them met his eyes. They were all too busy staring at her. Finally it dawned on him. The sounds had stopped. The scratching, the howling, and the whimpering had all stopped completely. Instead there was only the soft voice of Kagome as she sang with her head resting back against the door. He smirked. So, music really did soothe the savage beast after all. Well, if anyone was gonna do it, it would be her.

 

The hanyou relaxed and listened. He'd always loved it when she sang, even if it did mean she was worried or upset or nervous. He couldn't help but love it. It calmed every inch of his body and soul in a way that nothing else ever had. Apparently it did the same for Sesshoumaru, or at least Sesshoumaru's beast.

 

“…don't wanna lock me up inside Lithium, don't wanna forget how it feels without Lithium, I wanna stay in love with my sorrow, oh, but god, I wanna let it go…”

 

On the other side of the door, a large white dog was laying comfortably, his head resting on his front paws. His burning red eyes were closed and he looked to be absolutely at peace. He knew he wasn't getting out. They'd made sure that he wouldn't be able to escape the room if he had succeeded in gaining control as he had. But it didn't matter so long as he could hear her.

 

“…come to bed, don't make me sleep alone…couldn't hide the emptiness you let it show…I can't hold on to me, wonder what's wrong with me, Lithium, don't wanna lock me up inside Lithium, don't wanna forget how it feels without Lithium, I wanna stay in love with my sorrow…”

 

Sesshoumaru could hear her too from his place locked up inside his own mind. It was fitting, he thought, the song that she sang without really having any idea that she was describing his situation. Her voice made him lose his will to fight. If she could soothe the beast this easily then he very much doubted it would hurt her if given the chance. Having been given some time to think he was starting to understand.

 

“…don't wanna let it lay me down this time, drown my will to fly, here in the darkness I know myself, can't break free until I let it go…”

 

He could see it clearly now. His beast had spoken the truth. It wasn't just what the beast had wanted but what he had wanted as well. He just hadn't been able to admit it to himself. His pride and arrogance kept him from realizing it. But now he was ready to just let it go. Throwing his pride away, casting his arrogance to the side, he finally allowed the full picture to unfold before him. He could remember it now, the first time he'd laid eyes on the girl. He'd noticed her and their eyes locked. Even then he'd felt it. It was something powerful, something that reached out and grabbed him and tried to drag him straight to her.

 

“…darling I forgive you after all, anything is better than to be alone, and in the end I guess I had to fall, always find my place among the ashes…”

 

He'd fought it, dismissed it as nothing, but it had always been there in the back of his mind, whispering her name to him at night when there was nothing to drown it out. The voices whispered how perfect she was. They whispered everything he tried to deny in the daylight. From the first time he saw her he'd thought of no other female. She was it. He'd forced himself to be alone, to deny it all, and now he had to wait and wonder if she would forgive him, if his beast could truly fix what he had so thoroughly screwed up. He just prayed that he hadn't burned all his bridges.

 

“…Lithium, don't wanna lock me up inside Lithium, don't wanna forget how it feels without Lithium, I wanna stay in love with my sorrow, oh, but god, I'm gonna let it go…”

 

Now was the time to let it all go, all his assumptions and prejudices, all his ridiculous reasons and excuses, everything that he had placed between them in an attempt to deny it all. He realized now that the only thing that had every truly stood in his way was his fear, fear of being rejected, fear of being laughed at, fear of losing the illusion that danced through his mind at night. And he was ready now. He was ready to really let it go.

 

 

@@@@@The Syndrome@@@@@

 

 

She'd fallen asleep eventually, leaned against the door, but when her sweet singing stopped the howls and whines did not recommence. Bankotsu had moved to pick her up and return her to bed, worried that she was going to be sore in the morning if she slept where she was, but was stopped by a vicious growl. He frowned at the door, wondering just how it knew he had intended to move her.

 

“I knew it. Damn it!” Inuyasha swore after witnessing the demon's defense of Kagome from inside its cage. “He wants her. It's Kagome, the girl they were talking about. It's Kagome! He can't have her! There is no way in hell that I will allow that bastard to get his claws into her. He doesn't deserve her! And she doesn't deserve to be stuck with an asshole like him. Promise me,” he said, suddenly looking at all his friends. “Promise me that no one will tell her that Sesshoumaru will die if the beast doesn't get what it wants. You know if she knows that she'd sacrifice her happiness to save the bastard's life. She can't know. If she wants to decide she likes him on her own, that's different. It would still piss me off but at least it would be of her own free will. I refuse to allow her to be guilted into what that fucker wants from her!”

 

Everyone looked at him in surprise before nodding their agreement. Bankotsu finally asked Inuyasha just what the hell he was talking about and the next several hours were spent dissecting every moment that Sesshoumaru had any contact with Kagome over the last four years, trying to determine if they'd missed the obvious. The sun was rising over the horizon by the time they'd finished and everyone agreed. There had been hints, but they'd been so minor they'd missed them all. Now though, now that they were looking for them there were so many they wanted to slap themselves for not noticing sooner. None of them knew what to do but they agreed that if she knew she would do whatever it took to save him. If she knew she was the only one who could help him she wouldn't see any other choice. Even thought he didn't deserve it, she would sacrifice her life for his in an instant.

 

Deciding they couldn't take it anymore, Bankotsu stood and stretched before heading downstairs to make coffee. They were really gonna need it to get through today. Only Kagome had gotten any sleep at all and even that wasn't much. He had a feeling he would be making more than one pot of liquid caffeine before the morning was over. Still no one could approach Kagome with the intention of taking her away from the door without dangerous sounding growls aimed in their direction. Finally they'd given up, not wanting to scratching and howling to start again. Miroku brought out a pillow and Shippo grabbed an extra blanket; Bankotsu shifted her to a more comfortable laying position before covering her up. It seemed the beast was very aware of its surroundings as it hadn't growled at them once while they moved her, like it knew they weren't going to take her away, just make her more comfortable.

 

Leaving their angel asleep on the floor the four friends changed their clothes and reconvened in the kitchen, sitting in silence around the table, each staring into their coffee and thinking about Kagome and Sesshoumaru and just how wrong their names sounded together.

 

 

@@@@@The Syndrome@@@@@

 

 

 

When her eyes opened, Kagome glanced around in confusion for a moment. “What in the hell am I doing sleeping in the hall?” she whispered to herself. Taking in which door she was laying in front of and noticing the sutras still plastered all over it, she began to remember. “Hm,” she gave a short sarcastic laugh. “I can't believe I slept on the floor outside his door of all doors.” With a grumble about stiff joints and hardwood floors, Kagome pulled herself up and stretched her sore muscles before starting to stumble towards the bathroom.

 

She'd made it only two steps before the whimpering started again. Turning around, she lifted a brow at the door as if it could answer her unspoken inquiry. “Can I not go to the bathroom?” she muttered before turning back and continuing on again. When the whimpers got louder she just waved a hand at the door in a `oh whatever' motion and kept moving.

 

Looking in the mirror, she groaned. `Great. Nice dark circles. Oh, fuck! I still need to get a new toothbrush! I wonder if Inuyasha has a spare.' After splashing cold water on her face and attending to the tedious task of picking the sleep crusties out of the corners of her eyes Kagome made her way back into the hall, noticing that the scratching had resumed and the whining and whimpering was growing more pitiful by the second. Rolling her eyes, she walked right past the door and into Bankotsu's room where her bags had been deposited the night before.

 

Dragging a duffel up onto the bed and opening it Kagome rolled her eyes again. “Guy folding strikes again,” she muttered while shaking the wrinkles out of a shirt that had been folded in a very interesting manner, somehow accomplishing a perfect isosceles triangle instead of the normal square or rectangle shape something folded should be. Digging around and coming up empty she grabbed the next bag. “And this one has to be Miroku,” she said with a grin as she looked through every single bra and pair of panties she owned, except for the purple pair still in her pocket that she'd been forced to rescue from his pervy clutches. “I don't even wanna think about what he was gonna do with them.”

 

Kagome looked at the wall above the bed in confusion for a moment before realizing that Sesshoumaru's beast, or whatever they were going to call it, had given up scratching at the door and was trying to claw its way through the shared wall instead. “Kami, can't a girl change her clothes?” She heard a long mournful whine before all noise ceased. “Thank… you… I think,” she whispered in surprise.

 

 

@@@@@The Syndrome@@@@@

 

 

Downstairs, all four guys looked at the ceiling, noticing that the noise had resumed. “Looks like Kaggie's finally awake,” Bankotsu said before a giant yawn escaped him.

 

“And apparently she's not allowed to leave the doorway,” Shippo added in a frustrated tone. He really didn't like the idea of Sesshoumaru being after Kagome in that way, or any way really.

 

“I swear, when he's back to normal, if he ever gets back to normal, I'm kicking the bastard in his fucking nuts! The fucker can't have her!”

 

Miroku looked into his friend's tormented golden eyes. “I very much doubt that she would allow such a thing, Inuyasha. Have you forgotten the `talking to' she gave him last night? Our Kagome is simply not interested in Sesshoumaru in any way, shape, or form.”

 

They glanced at the ceiling again, noticing the scratching had stopped again. “I'm gonna go check on Kags and bring her some coffee. She's gotta be miserable right about now,” Bank said, standing and pouring a cup of coffee that was more creamer and sugar than actual coffee.

 

“At least the wench got some sleep,” Inuyasha grumbled.

 

 

@@@@@The Syndrome@@@@@

 

 

When Kagome was finally dressed she glanced at the clock. “Fuck!” she practically screamed.

 

“Is there a problem, dear?” Bankotsu asked with a smirk as he entered his room.

 

“How the hell is it already eleven thirty? I've got three chapters to read today!”

 

“We let you sleep, though Mr. Growlie over there wouldn't let us move you without pitching a fit. Inuyasha's father will be here soon and hopefully we will get some answers as to what will happen now. Here,” he said, handing her the cup he'd brought upstairs. “You have all day to read. Don't worry so much.”

 

Kagome smiled at him. “Were you aware that Miroku brought every single item from my underwear drawer?”

 

He let out a laugh before answering. “Not a bit surprised. More surprised that he only had one pair in his pocket.”

 

Kagome took a sip of her sugar/creamer coffee like substance and smiled. “You know just how I like it.”

 

“Yeah, so that it doesn't taste a thing like coffee. Hungry?” Kagome shot him a look. “Okay, stupid question. Come on then. Let's feed Kaggie.”

 

Kagome set her cup down and pulled her Biology book from her bag before picking up the cup again and following Bankotsu down the stairs. She'd made it down two steps when she nearly jumped out of her skin at the soul shattering howl that shook the house. “God damn it! I'm fucking hungry and I'm going downstairs! I don't fucking care if you don't like it! Maybe if you weren't such an asshole I'd give a shit!” The noise stopped instantly and Kagome made a rather gloating triumphant face at the door she could still see.

 

Bankotsu turned around on the stairs and looked at her in surprise. “Cranky much?”

 

“I don't understand why he fucking cares where I am!” When Bankotsu turned away from her she frowned. “Do you know why he cares?” she asked in a suspicious voice.

 

Bank was saved by the bell, or the father as the case may be, as right as Kagome was opening her mouth to demand he tell her what he was hiding the front door swung open and Katsuro walked in, looking up the stairs at her with a huge smile on his face. “There's the girl I want to see!”

 

“Papi!” Kagome squealed, smacking Bankotsu in the chest with her giant text book as she hoped down the stairs, still careful of her pseudo-coffee. She set it on a table near the bottom of the steps before throwing herself into his open arms.

 

Bank was a bit stunned, having the wind knocked out of him by her twenty ton book. “Damn, Kags! How do you even carry this thing? I think you might've cracked a couple ribs,” he said with a grin as he continued down the stairs. “Hey Pop,” Bank said to the man who was the closest thing he'd ever had to a father.

 

“Good to see you, my boy!” Katsuro said with a firm pat on Bank's back. “So, anything interesting happen around here last night?”

 

“Interesting ain't the fuckin' word Pops. He's a fucking dog!” Inuyasha said as he stalked into the entry room.

 

The elder inu furrowed his brow. “He's always been a dog, Inuyasha.”

 

“He means that Sesshoumaru has transformed into an inu in his true form,” Miroku said politely.

 

“That's not possible,” the taiyoukai said in shock.

 

“It certainly seemed fuckin' possible when he was clawin' and howling and whining all fuckin' night!”

 

“Can you at least let your dad get in the house all the way before you start yelling at him?” Kagome asked Inuyasha with a warning glare.

 

“Yeah, yeah, wench. Come on then.” Inuyasha grabbed Kagome's arm and gently pulled her into the kitchen. “You get your breakfast. I gotta talk to Pops for a minute.”

 

Kagome looked at her friend in confusion but decided she was too hungry to care. Shippo joined her in the kitchen as she poked through the groceries she'd bought the day before in search of something easy and edible.

 

 

 

@@@@@The Syndrome@@@@@

 

 

 

Meanwhile, Katsuro motioned for the man who'd been waiting outside to come in, Inuyasha, Miroku, Bankotsu, and Katsuro then leading him down into the basement as quietly as possible. Miroku showed the contractor the drawings Jakotsu had left and directed him to the area of the large open room they wanted transformed. While he was taking measurements Inuyasha was busy informing his father of the night's events.

 

“So you eavesdropped on my conversation with your brother?” his father asked in a lecturing tone.

 

“Yeah, and I'm glad I fuckin' did. I know who it is, who the girl is, and I can tell ya you might as well start planning the bastard's funeral now cuz he ain't getting her. I don't care what it is he wants with her, he ain't getting her.”

 

Katsuro looked concerned now. “How do you know who it is? And why are you so certain that he cannot `have' her?”

 

“Because I said he can't fuckin' have her, that's why!”

 

“Inuyasha, calm down,” Bank said before launching into their interesting and disturbing discoveries about Sesshoumaru, his beast, and Kagome. When he was finally finished, the elder taiyoukai was pale as a sheet.

 

“My son is going to die,” he whispered to himself. “My arrogant, stubborn as a mule, too proud for his own good son… is going to die.”

 

“Got that right. Kagome was ready to purify his ass last night and she's about ready to strangle his beast now.”

 

“I heard that, though I didn't quite understand what she was yelling about then. So you are certain that the female the beast desires is Kagome?”

 

“The way he was acting, there doesn't seem to be any other explanation. So do you know what exactly it is that the beast desires of Kagome?” Miroku asked, trying to keep a level head under the pressure.

 

“The beast has chosen her as their intended. If she is not marked as his mate before it's too late…”

 

“No way in fucking hell!” Inuyasha screamed.

 

Upstairs Kagome tilted her head in confusion before walking towards the basement door that they'd closed behind them. “Kagome! Hey, Kagome, wait up!” Shippo cried out in an attempt to stop her.

 

She turned around with a sigh. “What Shippo?”

 

“You wanna make French toast? I'll help!” He knew he had her when her eyes widened and her lips curled into a smirk.

 

“Oh yes… French toast it is!” Shippo let out a silent sigh of relief before pulling the carton of eggs she'd bought the day before out of the fridge.

 

Downstairs Inuyasha was growling against the hands being held against his mouth. “If you yell like that again she's going to come down here and everything will be ruined!” Bankotsu hissed in his friend's ear. “Are you going to be quiet?” Inuyasha rolled his eyes but nodded. “Alright then. Inside voices… geez. You'd think she was being sold or something. Calm down. We'll figure this out.”

 

“She's not gonna want him.” Inuyasha glared at his father. “And you will not tell her his life depends on it! You know how she is. I will not let her ruin her life and be miserable with that bastard because she felt obligated to help him.”

 

“We can't tell her anyways. He has to do it himself. He has to earn her affections or the mating won't take. She has to love him like he loves her for the syndrome to end,” Katsuro said, wondering what the hell was the matter with his eldest son. The girl he desired was so close all this time and all he did was push her further and further away.

 

 

@@@@@The Syndrome@@@@@

 

 

Upstairs, the beast was trying to determine the best course of action. Being the instinctive and animalistic side he wasn't the best at strategizing, and apparently the whine and cry `til she comes and makes it all better approach wasn't cutting it, if her rather loud declaration was taken into account.

 

`How do you intend to fix things?' Sesshoumaru asked, hoping the beast would actually respond. He'd been thinking all night and he had no idea how to make everything up to her. He had no clue as to how to make her see him as anything other than the asshole she knew him as. He wasn't even sure if there really was anything more to him than that. He'd never been a sociable person. He didn't have conversational skills because he'd always found himself above conversing with just about everyone. He didn't know how to talk to her, let alone find some way for her to love him. He'd pretty much resigned himself to his death because he just couldn't see any other options.

 

`I haven't figured it out yet. You did a great job making a mess of things!'

 

`Father has arrived. Perhaps he will have some idea as to how to proceed. He will be coming to release us.'

 

`Do you honestly think he is going to allow us loose in this form? And we have another problem. They figured it out last night.'

 

`What do you mean `figured it out'?'

 

`Our brother and the other males, they have realized that it is Kagome who we desire. They are not pleased.'

 

`Well that's just fuckin' peachy, isn't it?' Sesshoumaru said in his best mentally sarcastic tone. `Fuck. They're not going to allow us anywhere near her now.'

 

`If you had not been such a fool we could have had her years ago.'

 

`You must be imagining things. She has never given us the time of day.'

 

`She would have. The first time we saw her, before you made an ass of yourself by insulting Inuyasha, she felt it too. She was drawn to us. Perhaps we can remind her.'

 

 

 

 

@@@@@The Syndrome@@@@@

 

 

 

 

Author's Note:

 

The nomination period has ended for the Feudal Association and voting we begin on March 20th. If you want to be able to vote you need to join the group before then as they've decided to close membership during voting. You can join from their website or directly from the yahoo group:

 

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FeudalAssociation/

 

Or search Yahoo Groups for FeudalAssociation

 

I have been nominated in four categories; The Syndrome is in Best AU/AR Fiction, Best Angst Fiction, and Best Romance (Alt Pairing) Fiction. She Who the Prophecy Foretold is also nominated for Best Romance (Alt Pairing).

 

I know a lot of you have mentioned wanting to vote in your reviews lately, so I wanted to make sure you all know about the voting period being closed to new members. That leaves today and tomorrow to join, so go do it! It's a great group to be a member of anyway. I like being involved in the nominating and voting. It's rather fun. Anyway, that was my little plug for the day. I appreciate everyone's support!

 

 

 

And rather than go back and change all the chapters (which would make me insane at the moment) I do not own:

 

Chapter 2

Hush Little Baby Lullaby edited for Souta

 

 

Chapter 9

A Murder of One by counting Crows

 

 

Chapter 11

Friend of the Devil by Counting Crows

 

 

Chapter 12

Perfect by Alanis Morissette

 

 

Chapter 13 (Title inspired by the song too)

Lonely Day by System of a Down

 

 

Chapter 15 - (Title inspired by A Murder of One by Counting Crows)

Truffles by Wheatus

 

 

Chapter 17 - (Title from Never Too Late - Three Days Grace)

 

 

Chapter 18

The Freshman by The Verve Pipe

Girl All the Bad Guys Want by Bowling For Soup

 

 

Chapter 19 - (Title from Lithium -Evanescence)

Lithium by Evanescence