InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Syndrome ❯ If She Could Remember ( Chapter 30 )

I do not own Inuyasha and Company, no matter how happy it would make me. Rumiko Takahashi does. I also do not own the song `The Truth I Tell Myself' by Wheatus.

 

 

Chapter 30 - If She Could Remember

 

 

@@ One Year and Nine Months Ago @@

 

 

Kagome looked around in confusion for a minute when she woke up alone in the king sized bed. Glancing at the clock, she realized that she'd overslept since it was already past ten. With a sigh she rolled to the edge and dragged herself out from under the nice warm covers. As much as she appreciated being able to sleep in, she hated it when they didn't wake her up. She probably already missed breakfast and she still needed to take a shower!

 

She searched through the drawers she'd filled with her things the night before until she located her wardrobe choices for the day and then grabbed a towel and her bathing supplies before heading to the bathroom. Kagome peeked around the corner into the kitchen and saw Miroku and Inuyasha talking, Bankotsu nowhere in sight. When she heard the running water on the other side of the bathroom door she smirked, assuming it was Bank in the shower. She checked the knob and found it unlocked so she slipped into the steamy room.

 

“Leave me some hot water, would ya?” she asked teasingly while slowly stripping out of her pajamas and wrapping her towel around herself.

 

Sesshoumaru nearly had a heart attack when he heard her sweet voice on the other side of the shower curtain. She had to think he was one of her friends. As silently as possible the taiyoukai peeked around the curtain, and found him self blessed with the sight of a completely naked Kagome. He watched as she wrapped a towel around her perfectly curved body, only then remembering that he needed to breathe to continue to live.

 

When she started to turn back towards him he hid behind the curtain again, not quite sure what to do. Did he tell her that he wasn't who she thought he was? She was going to figure it out eventually and it was probably better if he told her rather than her finding out the hard way. Of course his body refused to cooperate, responding only to the knowledge that they were both naked in the same room with just a towel and a curtain separating them. God, how he wanted to touch her. He obviously couldn't announce his presence now, now that he was obviously aroused.

 

“Bank?” she asked, suddenly nervous. She'd finally taken note of the energy in the room and it wasn't her secretly hanyou best friend. It was her other hanyou friend's full demon brother. “Shit,” she whispered. “Sesshoumaru?”

 

“If you wished to see more of this Sesshoumaru you need only ask,” was his smug knee-jerk response, a response that made him want to bang his head against the tiled wall. He heard her huff and peeked out again just in time to see her gather her things and slam the door behind her. “Damnit,” he muttered. “Stupid!”

 

 

@@@@@The Syndrome@@@@@

 

 

Kagome decided to skip the shower after her embarrassing encounter and by the time Sesshoumaru braved the hallway to his room she was long gone with her friends. The taiyoukai soon found that the only other person in the cabin was his step-mother Izayoi, his father having gone on a walk. He sighed nearly silently and sat on one of the stools surrounding the island in the kitchen.

 

“Rough morning?” the human woman asked him with a small smile, pausing in her task of finishing the breakfast dishes. When he frowned at her she held her hands up in surrender. “Alright! I just thought you might want to know where they were going.”

 

Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed. “And why would this Sesshoumaru care where the half-breed and his flunkies went?”

 

“I didn't say I thought you would care where they went. I think you only care where she went.” When he glared she laughed. “You might be fooling everyone else but I'm not blind. I see the way you look at her. I know you bought her the butterfly clips as well. Why do you not just tell her you're interested?”

 

“This Sesshoumaru has no interest in a human, especially not one that associates with the half-breed. I would not sink so low as to purchase secret gifts.”

 

“If you say so,” was her only reply before she disappeared down the hall to the room she shared with his father.

 

Sesshoumaru growled at his own foolishness. He should have let her tell him where they went! What difference did it make whether she thought he was interested in Kagome or not? Now he would waste hours trying to find them!

 

 

@@@@@The Syndrome@@@@@

 

 

She'd refused to tell them why she was so embarrassed, instead insisting that they get going, that she'd made them late enough already, and no amount of protest to the contrary would change her mind. So here she was at the top of the bunny slopes feeling like an idiot for more than one reason. As if the incident with Sesshoumaru wasn't enough, all around her, besides her three friends, were children learning how to ski and doing better than she was.

 

Really, why was she trying to learn to ski in the first place? She was happy with ice skating. `Probably because they want me to ski with them,' Kagome thought to herself. Sometimes she couldn't fight the urge to make them happy, even if it meant doing something she didn't really want to.

 

“You don't have to tell me that I'm stubborn, cuz I'm not, and I know cuz it runs in my family and skips every other generation,” she sang softly, trying and failing to focus on Inuyasha's instructions. “You don't have to save my soul or make me feel like I'm in control. It's not worth the double scotch whiskey that you'd have to buy me.”

 

The guys looked at each other over her head, knowing that she was lost to them at the moment. Whatever was bugging her was winning her attention. “Kagome? If you don't want to ski you don't have to,” Bank said gently.

 

“You look like you're surprised, like when will I get wise? But I'll just drive the same dead ends I've tried and I think I know why. There's no connection between what I want and what is good for me, the truth I tell myself not to believe.”

 

“She ain't hearin' ya,” Inuyasha grumbled. He growled when he noticed Sesshoumaru approaching them. “What the fuck does he want?”

 

“Yeah I know I coulda been something, but I'm not, and I know that it's somebody else's fault, just like every other thing that's ever happened to me.”

 

Sesshoumaru had finally located them, and rather quickly once he decided to check all the easy hills first. His delicate hearing had picked up her soft singing and led him right to them. He noticed her distracted appearance and the irritation in Inuyasha's eyes when the hanyou spotted him. Now that he'd found them, what the hell was he going to say? He hadn't thought that far ahead.

 

“Yeah, I could've been like the king, like someone who could really sing, folks lined up `round the corner just so they could come and hear me.”

 

“Your miko does not appear to be enjoying her lessons,” the taiyoukai said in a somewhat condescending tone. “Perhaps she does not wish to ski?”

 

“Why don't you mind your own fuckin' business, you bastard?” Inuyasha yelled, drawing the attention of not only Kagome but all the children and their parents who didn't appreciate his colorful language.

 

“Why are you yelling, Inuyasha?” Kagome asked, still not noticing the demon watching her carefully while trying to make it look like his attention was elsewhere.

 

“This bastard! He can't keep his nose out of our business!” Kagome looked at the subject of Inuyasha's frustration and blushed before turning and smacking her friend.

 

“Quit swearing! Not around the kids! Geez, Inuyasha!”

 

“Do you not want to learn to ski?” Bank asked her now that they had her attention again.

 

“Not really. I'm just gonna fall and embarrass myself. I'd rather be ice skating.”

 

“You don't wanna even try?” Inuyasha asked with a pout.

 

“Would you like for this Sesshoumaru to escort you back to the cabin?”

 

Kagome looked up at him in surprise before nodding, completely ignoring the loudly protesting hanyou. She bent and clicked her boots free of her rented skis and was even more surprised when Sesshoumaru picked them up for her. “I'll see you guys later,” she said in a distracted tone. “You have fun, okay?”

 

Inuyasha tried to protest but was stopped by Bankotsu. “If she wants to go back, let her. He's not going to hurt her.”

 

“You have no fuckin' idea what he's capable of,” Inuyasha snarled before stomping off in the opposite direction than that which his elder half brother had disappeared with his Kagome, heading towards the ski lift that would take him to the more dangerous slopes.

 

Kagome was doing her best not to get caught in her sideways glances at the taiyoukai walking beside her and once more her nervous mind started singing. “Oh, there I go again. 'Them devils love their sin, but they can't end what I do not begin, so I'm safe where I'm in. And there's no connection between what I want and what is good for me, the truth I tell myself not to believe.”

 

Sesshoumaru led her towards the shop they'd rented her skis from, just listening to her words. `No connection between what I want and what is good for me… fitting,' he thought to himself. He wanted her so badly even though he knew that the attraction could never end well for him.

 

“There's no direction between where I am and where I'm supposed to be, the truth I tell myself not to believe.”

 

Kagome stood and sang while she watched him return her skis, aching to tell him how she felt, dying to touch him. A hand came up on its own and felt the butterfly clip hiding in her hair under her hood. Something about the gift made her think of him even though she knew it was impossible for them to have been from the younger taiyoukai. The older maybe, since Katsuro seemed to enjoy spoiling her as if she was his own daughter no matter how many times she tried to tell him not to, but the younger? Why would Sesshoumaru give her something so expensive? How would he even know she'd wanted them? No, it wasn't possible.

 

“Yeah, don't think that I'm expecting you to stay, cuz you won't and I know cuz I've seen it a million times. It's this charming self-destructive disposition of mine.” He returned to her side and they resumed the silent, besides her singing of course, walk back to the cabin. “Yeah, and all those happy endings are for fools who feel like they will never lose, folks who think there's a god out there that's gonna save `em.”

 

Sesshoumaru allowed himself a quick glance at her. She looked beautiful all flushed pink from the cold. She would look even more beautiful if that pink flush was the result of their shared passion, and once again the taiyoukai was fighting to hide an erection. She could turn him on so easily!

 

“Get this round my friend and then we can start again, just like we did when we were who we are. Have we come that far?” Kagome sighed. It sucked, having him so close and yet just out of reach. Who was she kidding? He was more than just out of reach. He might as well have been orbiting Saturn; he was so far out of her league. Damned if he wasn't nice to look at through.

 

Sesshoumaru caught her little sigh and wondered just what she was thinking about. Even though he knew better he couldn't help but wish that she was thinking about him.

 

“No connection between what I want and what is good for me, the truth I tell myself not to believe. No direction between where I am and where I'm supposed to be, the truth I tell myself not to believe.” Finally, or far too soon depending on how you looked at it, they reached the cabin and Sesshoumaru opened the door for her, making her blush an even more beautiful shade of pink.

 

“Kagome dear! You look absolutely frozen! Let's get you out of those clothes and you can warm up by the fire. I'll make you some hot chocolate,” Izayoi declared excitedly as she unzipped Kagome's jacket and loosened her hood.

 

“I'm alright, Mom, really. It's just cold out there is all.”

 

“Sesshoumaru, why don't you help her while I go heat up some water?” she asked with a wink in his direction.

 

Kagome started to protest, not wanting to hear the disgust in his voice when he flat out refused, only to be struck dumb when he started to carefully unwind her scarf. “You… you don't have to…” The look in his eyes shut her up and she just stood there while he slowly undressed her, both secretly loving every second of it even if he was just shedding the outer layers.

 

Sesshoumaru made a mental note to thank the human woman. Perhaps she wasn't as bad as he thought after all. He allowed a smirk to slip past his defenses when he saw the clips in her hair. They looked perfect on her and he wished, not for the first time, that he could tell her that they were from him. He knew she thought they were from someone else. She probably hadn't even considered him a possibility. How was he ever going to weasel his way into her heart if his romantic gestures were attributed to others? The answer stared back at him: he wouldn't. He would never find a way into her heart no matter what he did.

 

 

@@@@@The Syndrome@@@@@

 

 

When the guys finally returned Kagome was dozing stretched out on the couch, one foot laying across Sesshoumaru's lap, the sight of which led to her rude awakening as Inuyasha yelled the customary “What the FUCK!?!” Sesshoumaru wanted to strangle the hanyou then. She'd been sleeping peacefully and he was more than enjoying how comfortable she seemed to be in his presence, not to mention relishing the contact, however small and innocent it was.

 

Several days had passed since then and the taiyoukai had taken it upon him self to accompany Kagome to the ice skating rink, which of course pissed off his younger half-brother to no end. She had no idea why he wanted to do so, but she wasn't going to complain. She also had no idea that he stayed and watched her skate. He couldn't help himself. She floated like an angel on the ice and even if she didn't he couldn't drag himself away, his beast insisting that he stay just in case she needed him. The urge to protect her astounded him but he couldn't fight his instincts.

 

He absolutely loved the time he shared with her, soaking in her scent and aura as much as possible, knowing he might never get a chance like this again. It appeared that Izayoi had no intention of giving away his secret obsession, something for which he was eternally grateful. If Kagome found out then she would pull away and refuse to even walk beside him and he just couldn't take that kind of blow. He walked the edge of a knife already, fighting to hide his feelings while secretly indulging them. It was a delicate balancing act and he certainly didn't need another obstacle, especially one quite that big.

 

He was rather entertained by Inuyasha's growing jealousy. Apparently the hanyou was insecure in her friendship, ridiculous considering the necklace she'd given him. Spending time with Kagome was driving Inuyasha absolutely insane and Sesshoumaru, Miroku and Bankotsu, Izayoi and Katsuro, and the hanyou himself knew it was only a matter of time before he exploded. Only Kagome seemed oblivious to the building tension.

 

The straw that broke the camel's back, or hanyou's patience as the case may be was when Kagome and Sesshoumaru were watching the guys ski, Kagome with camera in hand taking pictures. Inuyasha hit a soft patch and ended up tumbling down the hill like a snowball. The hanyou was already embarrassed, but when he heard her laughter his heart almost broke. The sound of his enemy/brother laughing with her was too much and he made his way over to them, face red with rage.

 

“I wanna see you do better you asshole! You haven't put on skis once since we've been here! I bet you can't do it at all!”

 

“Calm down, Inuyasha. He didn't mean anything by it.” Kagome rolled her eyes when Inuyasha glared at her.

 

Sesshoumaru growled at the challenge. The hanyou thought he was better than him? He dared try to embarrass him in front of Kagome? “Are you sure you wish to challenge this Sesshoumaru? All you will succeed in doing is making a fool of yourself.” Kagome frowned at his condescending attitude but the taiyoukai missed it, too focused on the one stupid enough to challenge him on anything, especially something physical.

 

“The fuck I will! I'll kick your ass!”

 

“Inuyasha, I wish you wouldn't do this,” Kagome said in a warning tone, but she was ignored once again. He couldn't help it. His instincts demanded he prove to her who was stronger, who was better.

 

“Choose the place you will be defeated then, half-breed. This Sesshoumaru will remind you of your place.”

 

Kagome sighed and left the taiyoukai's side to stand next to Miroku and Bankotsu. She didn't like what was happening one bit and she refused to be involved in it. She would have returned to the cabin but she couldn't shake the feeling that she should be there, that she would be needed. All three followed the brothers, stopping only momentarily for Sesshoumaru to grab his things before they made their way to the most difficult and dangerous slope.

 

“Please don't do this,” Kagome pleaded in an almost whine. “You're gonna get hurt.”

 

Inuyasha glared at her again. “You really think he's better than me, don't you?”

 

“What? No! I didn't say that! I just don't want anything to happen to you. You don't have anything to prove to me or anyone else.”

 

The hanyou scoffed at her. “The hell I don't!” Kagome, Miroku, and Bankotsu watched with worried eyes while the brothers tossed insults back and forth while outlining the rules of their `competition'. Once they finished their verbal sparring the two took off down the hill while Kagome followed their path with her eyes. The hill was steep and littered with trees and rocky outcroppings to maneuver around and she gasped when one of the two colored dots against the sea of white appeared to lose control. She watched as the blue dot collided with the red dot before the red dot, Inuyasha, slammed into a tree trunk at high speed.

 

Miroku and Bankotsu tried and failed to stop her when she took off down the hill. She made her way safely towards her injured friend by sliding on her ass, though her ass would question the `safely' part considering the bruises she would be sporting in the morning. Finally she reached Inuyasha only to find him unconscious with an obviously broken arm and leg. There was a trickle of blood running down his face and when she pulled back his hood Kagome found his silver hair quickly turning red.

 

“Inuyasha! Inuyasha, wake up, please!” she begged while her hand touched his cheek softly. She glanced over her shoulder as Miroku and Bankotsu finally reached her side. Now that she had reinforcements, Kagome allowed her power to rise and she began to heal the worst of his wounds, starting with his cracked skull. She mended both of his broken limbs and Inuyasha woke up just in time to see her pass out on him.

 

“What the fuck?!” the hanyou growled. She was exhausted! Why were they just sitting there looking at him? What in the hell had he missed?

 

“We'll explain on the way. We need to get her back to the cabin,” Bankotsu said seriously.

 

Inuyasha nodded and started to pull himself to his feet, only then noticing his broken skis and the blood that covered him. “Shit! What the fuck happened to me?” When he looked at the guys the hanyou shut up and stood, noticing that he felt perfectly fine and realizing she must have healed him. He scooped her up into his arms and they all made their way to the ski lift.

 

They found Sesshoumaru standing smugly by the lift, ready to gloat about his victory until he saw the limp miko in his brother's arms. It took everything he had not to demand what happened to her and rip her from the hanyou's hold. Instead he kept quiet and followed the group closely, worried for her health and safety. He had no idea why she was unconscious or even how she'd ended up at the bottom of the hill to begin with.

 

Katsuro and Izayoi were instantly up and helping Inuyasha settle Kagome on the couch and while his mother rushed around trying to find something that would help the special girl, Inuyasha listened to Miroku's account of the incident while he lovingly brushed her hair from her face. Sesshoumaru's eyes widened as he realized that it was his fault she was so weak. If he hadn't shoved Inuyasha then the hanyou wouldn't have gotten hurt and she wouldn't have been compelled to heal him. Once again he ruined the small amount of progress he'd been making with her all because he wanted to show off for her, to prove himself better than his brother. He'd certainly proven something to her, but it wasn't anywhere near what he intended.

 

 

@@@@@The Syndrome@@@@@

 

 

The worried group watched over her for hours until one by one they left her side, knowing she would be fine after some rest. Just Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru, and Izayoi remained and after a while the human woman led her protesting son into the kitchen, insisting he eat something since he'd been injured, just in case Kagome missed something.

 

Sesshoumaru was instantly kneeling beside her head, gently touching her hair and tenderly caressing her cheek. He froze when she shifted and let out a little moan and merely watched while her eyes fluttered open. He knew he should be disappearing from her line of sight but he couldn't make his body obey, instead seeing her slowly focus on his face.

 

“This Sesshoumaru is sorry,” he whispered. “I did not intend for the hanyou to be injured and certainly did not mean for you to be in such a weakened state.” The taiyoukai heard approaching footsteps and in a flash was across the room. He watched her eyes close again and wondered if she would even remember his words. Hopefully not. He should never have done something so risky, should never have allowed her to see the person he kept hidden behind a mask of ice.

 

 

@@@@@The Syndrome@@@@@

 

 

She hadn't remembered, and while Sesshoumaru was relieved he was also regretful. Maybe if she'd remembered his apology then she wouldn't have been so obviously angry with him. He lost the privilege of walking her to the rink and watching her skate. He couldn't meet eyes with hers without his heart clenching in pain at the anger and hate in her gray blue orbs. She'd refused to sit near him at meals or on the ride home and she'd blatantly avoided him at every turn.

 

He knew it was his fault but he couldn't help but think she was being unfair. He hadn't meant to hurt Inuyasha. He was just a poor sport, especially when it came to winning her attention. Maybe if he'd been able to tell her that… but he couldn't. He could never explain his actions. He could never make her understand his perspective. She would always be on the hanyou's side and he would always be the one left out in the cold. She would never invite him in. She would never keep him warm with her bright smile. She would never accept him as one of her group, but then he knew that already.

 

 

@@@@@The Syndrome@@@@@

 

 

Kagome almost couldn't hide the pain that his actions caused her. He never even apologized! Inuyasha could have been killed and it didn't seem like the knowledge bothered Sesshoumaru a bit. Yes, Inuyasha was asking for an injury. Yes, he didn't always play by the rules. Yes, he was the one who initiated the challenge to begin with. None of that mattered though. The knowledge that Sesshoumaru had purposely pushed his brother, and she knew he had, combined with his absolute lack of remorse was too much to overlook. And she'd so been enjoying her time with him.

 

The miko sighed and stared out her bedroom window at the melting snow. The beginning of the trip had shown so much promise, had given her a fool's false hope, and she wished she could continue on in that blissfully disillusioned state. It was so much easier to think that something was possible than it was to accept the evidence that it could never be.