InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Syndrome ❯ The Chase is Half the Fun ( Chapter 37 )

I do not own Inuyasha and Company, no matter how happy it would make me. Rumiko Takahashi does. I make no money from these fics.

 

 

Chapter 37 - The Chase is Half the Fun

 

 

Sesshoumaru had no idea what to say. Did he deny it? Did he just come out and admit it? To be honest, listening to her talk to someone else pretty much came naturally to him after his years of lurking in the shadows. He'd perfected the art of getting close to her without her knowledge while seeking out her scent and the sound of her voice, both of which seemed to ease the pain somehow and made his life almost survivable. He hadn't even considered the consequences of her finding out, never thought about the possibility of her being pissed if she did.

 

Kagome sighed. “I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. I didn't ask if you were awake, just assumed you were sleeping. You've always been resourceful.”

 

He turned nervous golden eyes to study her face. “Resourceful?”

 

She gave him a wicked smirk and reached to the side. He almost whined at the loss of her touch but held it back since her other hand was still pressed to his cheek, though the pleasant stroking had stopped, and he watched as she nudged the mouse just enough to bring the computer out of sleep mode. When the screen lit up there were suddenly two of her looking at him, one with a brilliant smile on her face and the other with what looked like a rather dangerous grin. “Look what I found when I went to do some research for class.” She clicked the taskbar, bringing up his internet history. “Seems like you spend a lot of time on my site, especially the photo albums. Tell me Sesshoumaru, I'm so very curious. What are you doing while browsing through my pictures?”

 

He was frozen; petrified that she was upset about it. He couldn't determine whether she was kidding or if she was really angry so he had no idea how to proceed. The last thing he wanted to do was respond the wrong way. If she was playing around and he answered seriously he would look like an idiot, but if he tried to play it off as nothing or made a joke about it, which he wasn't sure he even knew how to do, and she was serious… well then he was fucked, or not fucked really.

 

He felt ready to explode, all the sexual tension building up to a ridiculous extent. He really needed to do just what she was asking about because he hadn't been able to do so when he was in his canine form and she already had him hot and bothered even though he hadn't been in his humanoid form for more than half an hour. After the incredibly pleasurable make out session that she thought was just a dream, well, it certainly hadn't helped things. Now she was basically asking him if he was jacking off to her photos! How the hell do you respond to that? `Why yes, Kagome, this Sesshoumaru does quite often pleasure myself while admiring your body in your online photo albums and imagining that it is your hand touching me.' Like hell! He couldn't say that!

 

Kagome watched as Sesshoumaru panicked silently, enjoying watching him flounder. It was so odd to see actual emotions on his face. Finally she decided he'd suffered enough and let out a little laugh. “You do realize I'm not going to freak out and purify you or anything. Geez, Sesshoumaru. You need to relax a little!”

 

The taiyoukai let out a sigh of relief. She wasn't angry. The little miko was teasing him! “Kagome, you must understand, the last thing I wish to do is upset you. Perhaps I should not have listened to your conversation, but this Sesshoumaru learned a great deal by doing so. Your worries and confusion were a large part of my beast allowing me to regain control.”

 

“I'm glad he did,” Kagome said softly while her free hand, the one not touching his face, reached out hesitantly before being pulled back.

 

It was Sesshoumaru's turn to grin. “If you wish to touch this Sesshoumaru, you are more than welcome. I will certainly not protest.”

 

“I don't imagine you would,” she said with an adorable blush staining her cheeks. “It's just… I've never… just curious… I… Gah, I can't even talk!”

 

“You are not the only one. This Sesshoumaru finds it very difficult to form coherent thoughts, let alone speak, while in your presence.”

 

“Gee, that's really helpful, huh?” Sesshoumaru nodded his agreement and Kagome laughed. “Why is this so hard? I mean, I know you like me. You know I like you. What are we so damn nervous about?”

 

“Honestly?”

 

“No, lie to me, Sesshoumaru. Please, lie to me.” She laughed and Sesshoumaru allowed his shoulders to relax just a bit. She was right after all. They didn't need to be nervous, or at least not as nervous as he was feeling at the moment.

 

When her hand reached forward hesitantly again he caught it before she could pull it back, guiding it towards him, laying her open palm on his chest where her eyes were once again locked. “This Sesshoumaru is nervous because I have no idea how to talk to you and I fear I will say the wrong thing or upset you in some way.”

 

Kagome moved her hand slightly on his chest and smiled. “You don't have to worry so much. I'm not going to get pissed and never talk to you again. Your one chance has some wiggle room. I don't expect you to be Prince Charming, Sesshoumaru, and pretending to be isn't a good idea. I want to get to know the real you, not the you that you think I want. Besides, if I can put up with your brother I'm sure I can put up with you. Hmmm, all of you is soft,” she said thoughtfully as she trailed her fingers over silky smooth skin stretched tight over hard muscles.

 

Sesshoumaru smirked. “That, dear Kagome, is not quite true.”

 

She looked at him in confusion for a minute before blushing bright red again. “You're a big perv, aren't you?” she teased. “Who would've thought?”

 

 

@@@@@The Syndrome@@@@@

 

 

“Okay, so you're telling me that Jak knew Kagome had feelings for Sesshoumaru all this time and never said anything to you, and Kagome didn't either? Why in the hell did she trust him with her secret and not us? I don't understand.” Miroku sounded rather wounded, and not his playful, fake wounded either. Bankotsu had just finished relaying the conversation he'd had with his brother while the two carried boxes from the house and loaded them into the back of his car.

 

“Jak didn't say anything because she made him promise not to, and I kind of get it. He said she's felt guilty about her feelings the whole time, like she was betraying Inuyasha. I'm not surprised she was ashamed to tell us. Jak, well, Jak is the closest thing she's ever had to a real girlfriend that she could gossip with about boys and crushes and stuff. Her being friends with us made it impossible for her to successfully form strong connections to other girls, ya know. She trusts him, probably just as much as she trusts us.”

 

“This has got to be hard for her then, feeling like she's stuck between the two of them. The way Sesshoumaru treats Inu… I'll never understand it, but I don't know how this is going to work if it continues. Kagome can't stand it when people hurt Inuyasha, so she won't be able to just sit and listen to him insult her friend, even if Sesshoumaru is her mate. I don't see him changing his ways either, though. Yeah, okay, so there are feelings inside that he's been hiding, but there's one feeling he's never hidden and it's his hatred for his half-brother.”

 

“I don't think he's stupid,” Bank said with a grin. “I think he's realized by now that she will never choose him over any of us, not with the history we have together. Even if he never changes the way he feels, I bet you he changes the way he acts pretty damn quick. Even he doesn't want, no, he especially doesn't want her angry with him, not now when his life is at stake. This girl has too much stuff!” he laughed. “I think we're gonna have to take a couple trips. Not much else is gonna fit this time around.”

 

Miroku sighed and stretched his sore muscles. “Well, it's fine with me. I've got a class to get to anyway. You mind dropping me off? I really don't want to have to walk right now. Not only does she have a lot of stuff; it's damn heavy and I'm the only one without superhuman strength on my side.”

 

Bankotsu snorted before jogging to the front door of the quickly emptying house, locking it up tight while Miroku delicately lowered himself into the car like he was eighty. Jak wasn't the only one with a flair for the dramatic.

 

 

@@@@@The Syndrome@@@@@

 

 

Kagome laughed at the strange look on Sesshoumaru's face. “It's too late now. Don't even try and deny it!”

 

Seeing that she apparently didn't think that him being a `big perv' as she put it was a bad thing he smirked at her, a fang peeking over his bottom lip, before leaning down to trail his tongue along the wrist of the hand still hesitantly caressing his chest. “Perhaps you are correct, Kagome, but only when you are concerned.” She shivered at the contact and his smirk widened. He pressed a gentle kiss to the inside of her other wrist, wishing more than anything that he could kiss her soft sweet lips.

 

It took quite a bit of effort to push away the fog of arousal creeping into her mind, but she managed to shake it enough to look at him seriously. “Sesshoumaru, do you wanna… maybe go for a walk… so we can talk, get to know each other better?”

 

He fought back the frown that wanted to show on his lips. No, he didn't want to go for a walk. He wanted to toss her on his bed, rip his towel and then her clothes off, and kiss every inch of her body. He knew, however, that she was nowhere near ready for that, that she needed more time to be comfortable in his presence even if she wanted him as badly as he wanted her, and her scent was telling him just that.

 

He nodded, the smile that spread across those tempting lips making all the frustration worth it. He made her smile, he did, not his brother, not the monk, the kitsune, or the human that was apparently only half human after all. Sesshoumaru made her smile, not his beast. Finally he made her smile, made her happy, and doing so made him happy as well.

 

“I'll let you get dressed then,” Kagome almost whispered before standing and slipping past him. He whimpered when her hands left his cheek and his chest, the sound escaping before he could stop it. Without that contact he suddenly felt so very alone and he whimpered even louder as the pain in his chest began to return. She froze in her walk towards the door and turned around; finding him still on his knees where she'd left him. “Are you alright?”

 

Sesshoumaru wanted to smack himself for letting out such a humiliating sound. Pulling himself to his feet with his back still to her he answered softly. “This Sesshoumaru is fine.”

 

“You know when I told you to lie to me I was kidding. That was not a `fine' sound.” She took the few steps back to where he stood and after hesitating for a moment laid on hand on his bare back gently, her fingers tangling in his wet hair. She could feel as the tight muscles in his back relaxed. “Can I brush your hair?” she almost whispered, sensing that he really didn't want her to leave his side just yet. “It's so pretty and there's so much of it.”

 

“If you wish to.”

 

His voice sounded a bit less tense and she smiled. Jak was right. He seemed to almost ache for her touch. The thought of just how alone he must have felt for so long brought the tears from earlier back to her eyes. “Why don't you throw some pants on so I can use the towel to dry it? If we're going for a walk you don't want to have soaking wet hair. It's starting to get cold out.” When he nodded she trailed her fingertips down his back softly. “Call me when you're ready. I'll be right outside.”

 

She hoped that the knowledge that she was coming back and would soon be touching him again would help and when she walked away this time there was no heart-wrenching sound of misery, something she was thankful for. It had sounded like he was in actual physical pain, just the thought of which made it feel like her heart was being crushed in a vise. It took everything she had to hold in a whimper of her own as she closed the bedroom door quietly, leaning against the wall in the hallway. Kagome closed her eyes tightly and slid down until she was sitting on the floor with her legs folded against her chest, fighting back the tears as best she could.

 

On the other side of the closed door Sesshoumaru was rushing around the room, drying himself as much as possible without touching his hair, wanting to leave it just as it was for her. The wetter it was the longer she would be touching him. He dug around in his underwear drawer for a minute before pulling out a pair of boxers with a smile. He always saved them for special occasions, not wanting them to ever wear out. He pulled on the dark red boxers covered with little white puppies lovingly before regretfully covering them with a pair of jeans. He grabbed a brush and tossed it to land on top of his towel on the bed before heading to the door to get her back. He already missed her and she'd only been on the other side of the door for less than two minutes.

 

When he opened the door Sesshoumaru looked around in confusion, his chest tightening at the thought that she'd left. It tightened further though once he spotted her. She was curled up in a tight little ball, arms wrapped around her legs and her face in her knees, and when he knelt down beside her the scent of her tears assaulted him. “Kagome?” he said softly, having absolutely no idea why she was crying but needing to fix whatever the problem was. She didn't look at him, didn't even move or acknowledge his presence in any way, and he watched in silence for a moment as her shoulders shook slightly. “Kagome?”

 

When she still didn't answer him, the taiyoukai allowed instinct to drive him and scooped the little miko into his arms. Her arms loosened and let go of her legs, allowing him to lift her easily, and he carried her into the bedroom, closing the door with his foot behind them. He sat at the end of his bed with the love of his life limp in his arms, her face tilted purposely away from him as she refused to allow him to see her tears. He carefully arranged her in his lap so that one arm held her securely, leaving the other to turn her face carefully so he could look at her.

 

“Kagome, why are you crying? What did this Sesshoumaru do wrong?”

 

Her tightly closed eyes popped open at his question and finally she looked at him. “You didn't do anything wrong.” Her eyes widened as his head leaned down, surprised as he licked the trails of tears from her cheeks.

 

“If this Sesshoumaru did not make you cry then why?” he asked softly, his lips brushing against her cheek as he spoke. “Please, your sadness hurts me. Tell me how to fix it.”

 

A small smile pulled at her lips and she let out a little laugh that was cut off by a hiccup. “You can't fix it. It's my fault. All this time you were alone. All this time you watched me with them. All this time and I never noticed. How could you stand it?”

 

He pressed a soft kiss to each cheek before pulling back slowly to meet eyes with her. “In my mind I had no other choice. It was better to watch you from the distance than to not see you at all. Please do not cry over the past. It was not your fault. This Sesshoumaru should have trusted in you. I should have known you wouldn't turn me away or at least have given you the choice. The past is over. All that matters to me is now and the future.”

 

Kagome threw her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder. “I wish you had,” she mumbled, hiccupping from time to time. “I wish you'd told me a long time ago. Sesshoumaru?” His arms wrapped around her back and he held her close as she cried against him. “The syndrome, does it hurt?”

 

He didn't want to answer her. He didn't want to tell her that he'd spent the last four years in pain that grew worse over time until it was excruciating. He didn't want to give her another thing to be upset about, another reason to blame herself. She was crying for him, for his loneliness. She didn't need to be crying for his pain as well. Still, he couldn't bring himself to lie to her, not now that they were making some kind of progress. He couldn't risk her trust so early in their relationship.

 

“Yes, it can be painful.”

 

“What's it like?” she whispered. “How does it hurt?”

 

“Promise this Sesshoumaru that you will not cry for me.”

 

Kagome sniffled and her arms tightened around him. “I can't.”

 

“There is nothing that can be done about what has already passed.” When she didn't make a sound, besides the sniffling and hiccupping that is, he sighed and continued. “It feels as if there are bands of steel tightening around my heart. The thought of you, hearing your name, catching your scent, anything could make it worse, but it could also make it better. Your smile can take it all away but your tears, Kagome; knowing that I am the cause of your tears is killing me. Please do not cry.”

 

She immediately did her best to stop, staring into his eyes as she wiped at her damp cheeks with one arm. “I don't want you to be in pain anymore, never again. How… tell me how I can make sure it stays away.”

 

He smiled lovingly at her concern for him. Her words alone had dissolved the bands and he could only hope they would stay gone. “If I knew how to guarantee it would not return I would tell you. It seems to be connected to how you feel, how you see me, or at least how I interpret your feelings to be.

 

“When you were angry with me, when I was a fool and threw your offer of friendship back in your face and you stood up to me like no one ever has… I had never experienced such pain before in all my life because I was certain at that moment you hated me and that I had ruined my one and only chance to show you I could be something other than the jerk you knew.

 

“When your eyes lock with mine and you smile, really smile at me, the pain disappears as if it never existed. The thought that there really is a chance, that you do have feelings for me and that I haven't ruined everything, it lifts a weight off my shoulders I'd forgotten was even there, it's been there so long. I feel like I can actually stand up and not be dragged back down by the misery of the prospect of a life without you.”

 

Kagome sniffled. “If you want me to stop crying and not start again I would stop being so damned romantic,” she said through soft laughter. “We can't do this.” When she saw the panic spring to life in his eyes she quickly continued. “I mean we can't just sit here and talk like this or I won't be able to not cry and I don't want to cause you more pain.” Her eyes were drawn to the messy crown of silver surrounding his worried face and she smiled. “Let me down so I can brush your hair, okay?”

 

Sesshoumaru was very reluctant to release her, wanting nothing more than to hold her close to his body forever. He did, however, wonder what it would be like to have her groom him as he'd watched her do for the others with jealousy for years. In the end, curiosity won out and he released her carefully. He studied her with interest as she grabbed the towel and the brush, crawling up on the bed to kneel behind him. She started drying his hair from the bottom, leaning in closer the higher she got until her breasts were pressed into his back and he was fighting to keep from turning around and kissing her senseless.

 

“How do you manage with so much hair all by yourself? Inuyasha and Shippo can't brush their own hair without ripping half of it out and yours is probably twice as long.”

 

“This Sesshoumaru's hair is very easy to care for.”

 

“Maybe because it's so straight. You know, I used to think that even your hair was afraid of you, so it refused to misbehave.”

 

“Afraid of me?” he asked, half amused, half bothered by the thought of her being afraid of him as well.

 

“You are going to have to learn to tell when I'm kidding,” she said with a giggle before tossing the towel to the floor, picking up the brush, and beginning her task. “You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this.”

 

“You have no idea how long I've wanted to have you do so.”

 

Kagome laughed. “We're not the brightest of the bunch, huh? It's really frustrating. All this time… All this time you and I both spent thinking the other would never… that there was no chance. Sesshoumaru?” she paused. “Promise me that from now on you'll tell me what you're thinking?”

 

“So long as you do as well,” he answered, turning to look at her over his shoulder.

 

“Well, right now I'm thinking that I would kill for your hair. Mine is always getting tangled up.”

 

“This Sesshoumaru would be more than happy to assist you with your grooming. I have been dreaming of running my fingers through your hair for years, literally.”

 

“I might just let you,” Kagome said with a grin before returning her attention to his damp silver strands. “If you're a good boy, that is.”

 

 

 

@@@@@The Syndrome@@@@@

 

 

 

Kagome looked around in confusion, wondering just where Inuyasha and Shippo had snuck off to. A quick glance at the demon at her side and she knew. Shaking her head, she walked over and opened the basement door, yelling down to her friends and laughing as she heard Inuyasha's angry cursing.

 

“Don't you dare take one step down here, Kags,” the hanyou yelled from where he stood in the middle of a mess, `organized chaos' Jak had called it. She knew better! She wasn't allowed down there yet!

 

“I'm not, I'm not! I'm not even looking down the stairs. Sheesh, don't get so worked up. It sounds like you're having some kind of secret ritualistic orgy down there. You know, Inu, it really isn't fair to do those kinds of things without Jak.” The sounds of Shippo's laughter made her smile.

 

“Just shut the hell up, Wench!”

 

Kagome felt as Sesshoumaru bristled beside her and put a hand on his arm, trying to both calm him and let him know everything was fine. “Yeah, yeah. I just wanted to tell you guys that Sesshoumaru and I are going to take a walk.”

 

Inuyasha snorted. “Fine, fine, go! Go take your puppy dog for his walkie walkie,” he said teasingly.

 

Kagome grinned darkly, letting Sesshoumaru know she had no intention of letting her rude friend in on the fact that he was no longer a dog at all. He smirked at her, knowing that it ensured their privacy since Inuyasha would certainly object to her being alone for any amount of time with the real Sesshoumaru. He still couldn't bring himself to trust his older half-brother, especially not with her safety, and would probably follow them out of a misguided need to protect her. No, it was better he didn't know quite yet.

 

“On my way!” she yelled back before closing the basement door, turning on her heels, and heading towards the front door, Sesshoumaru a few steps behind her.

 

 

 

@@@@@The Syndrome@@@@@

 

 

 

They were walking side by side and it was killing him not to be touching her, but he had no idea how to even begin to go about resolving the situation. With a small shrug of his shoulders he started to walk a little closer to her until their arms were brushing against each other.

 

Kagome smiled at the gentle contact, slipping her hand out of her pocket and letting her fingertips just barely touch his palm. When he turned to her in surprise, she looked away, acting as innocent as possible, though her shaking shoulders gave away her silent laughter.

 

Taking it as an invitation, the taiyoukai slipped their hands together, their fingers interlocking automatically. Her hand felt so perfect in his and he wondered briefly if he could find some way to make sure their hands were always clasped together like that. Her soft sigh broke his mental inquiry and he studied the side of her face, admiring her profile while at the same time trying to determine what was wrong.

 

“Kagome?” he finally asked softly.

 

“It's nothing. I just… I don't even know where to begin. We're rather uneven, you know.” When he gave her a confused look she giggled. “You know a lot more about me than I know about you.”

 

“I know a lot more about you than I know about me.”

 

“Well, what do you like to do? How do you pass the time? Do you read? Play computer games? Watch TV?”

 

While Sesshoumaru did his best to tell Kagome about his leisure activities, conveniently glossing over the fact that his most time consuming hobby was her, they walked near-aimlessly. He seemed surprised when they came upon the park a few blocks from the house, but she only smiled at him. Her smile… he couldn't stand walking beside her anymore and being unable to see her whole beautiful face.

 

Kagome was surprised when he released her hand, then moving so that he was standing in front of her, walking backwards across the grass in the direction she'd been heading. “Have you lost your mind? You're going to fall and hurt yourself.”

 

He smirked at her, slipping his hands into his pockets in an attempt to look as cool as possible. “This Sesshoumaru is always very aware of my surroundings,” he declared, his chest puffing out a little as he showed off for her.

 

“Yeah, and do you have eyes in the back of your head too?” she asked before rolling her eyes. For a minute they walked in silence, Sesshoumaru simply admiring her, before her eyes grew wide. “Sesshou…” she started, reaching out and grabbing the front of his shirt too late in an attempt to stop him.

 

Before he knew what was happening, the now mortified taiyoukai found himself flat on his back, having fallen over the edge of… and into… the sandbox. A second later, Kagome collided with his chest with an `Oomph' and the two locked eyes.

 

She simply stared at him for nearly a whole minute and all the while Sesshoumaru was mentally calling himself every name he could think of, terrified that he'd managed to get her hurt. Finally, she quirked a small smile before bursting out laughing. “So much for eyes in the back of your head.” After a moment, his laughter joined hers and Kagome froze. She'd never heard such a beautiful sound and the look on his face, the way his eyes lit up, it was amazing. “You should laugh more often.”

 

“Perhaps now this Sesshoumaru will have a reason to laugh,” he replied. “Are you injured?” he asked hesitantly.

 

“No, but your poor clean hair is ruined!” she said dramatically. “I bet you wish you'd listened to me now that you have a head full of sand.”

 

“No, you see, if this Sesshoumaru had not fallen then we would not be in such a delightful position.” He smirked darkly and she squealed as she found herself rolled beneath him. “And besides, this Sesshoumaru is not the only one with sandy hair, now am I?” He leaned down, watching her eyes carefully, until the tip of his nose touched hers. She was so beautiful, laying there beneath him staring up at him, and for a moment his mind totally blanked.

 

Kagome frowned. “Um, Sesshoumaru, do you think you could let me up? There's something poking me in my back and…” She didn't bother to finish her sentence as he was already pulling her to her feet and apologizing profusely. She rubbed her back with one hand, still frowning, before shooting him a playful grin and bolting.

 

“Tricked ya!” she called back over her shoulder and in seconds he was chasing her through the park, both of them laughing as she looped around trees in an attempt to slow him down. He was taking it easy on her, both of them knowing he could have caught her before she'd made it three steps if he really wanted too, but the inu was enjoying the chase, the wind whipping through his hair making him feel alive in a way he'd never experienced before.

 

“You can't catch me!” she sang as she ran, skidding to a stop on one side of a large slide, Sesshoumaru stopping on the other. She smirked, faking to her right before taking off to her left, still laughing. He was gaining on her and at last she felt his arms slip around her waist, lifting her feet from the ground as he turned, spinning her around twice before letting her stand once more, still holding her tightly against his body.

 

“You are a playful one,” he murmured in her ear before placing a soft kiss behind it.

 

Having finally caught her breath, Kagome nearly forgot how to breathe again for a moment. “I can't believe you really chased me.”

 

He chuckled softly and she let out a little moan. “This Sesshoumaru could not allow you to escape, now could I?”