InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Syndrome ❯ The Truth is Hard to Hear ( Chapter 45 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: CMK2CMM 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Comedy | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 01.15.2011 | Pages: 4 | Words: 6.3K | Visits: 1.7K | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Comedy | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 01.15.2011 | Pages: 4 | Words: 6.3K | Visits: 1.7K | Status: Work In Progress
I do not own Inuyasha and Company, no matter how happy it would make me. Rumiko Takahashi does. I make no money from these fics.
Chapter 45 – The Truth is Hard to Hear
Kagome looked over at the visibly nervous demon in the driver's seat beside her. His hands clutched the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were white, even against his usually pale skin. She opened her mouth before closing it again, unable to find the right words. She didn't understand what he was so worried about. They were only going to see his father, a man she loved and trusted with her very life. What was there to be nervous about?
She tried and failed several times to speak before deciding to go another route. She gently placed her hand on his thigh, seeing him instantly relax. Sesshoumaru turned and gave her a weak smile in thanks and she sighed.
"Are you going to live?" She asked in a joking tone, hoping to ease some of the tension. She shot him a playful grin and squeezed his leg. "Why is this so hard? We're just going to see your dad."
"You are aware of the less than amicable relationship I have with my father."
"Yeah, but why? He's wonderful."
"Perhaps to you, Inuyasha, and Izayoi. There is much about my father that you do not know." He glanced at her, seeing the questions in her eyes. "My mother was not privy to the same preferential treatment as you and the others, and neither is this Sesshoumaru. He only endures my presence because his instincts demand it of him."
Kagome gasped before she could stop herself. "I don't... Sesshoumaru, he's your father. He loves you."
He knew she wouldn't understand, and so Sesshoumaru set out to inform her. That way she at least knew his side of things before the conversation with his father occurred. He needed her by his side and more than anything he wanted to share this with her. He'd never spoken to anyone about his mother and he knew Kagome would listen. Maybe it would help her understand him better, knowing why he is the way he is.
"It is a long story, but I will try to explain. My mother loved my father with all of her being and was supposed to be his mate. He pupped her before mating her, which itself was inappropriate, but she could not deny him. Then he decided he no longer wanted her. He cast her out, disgraced her, all to be with a human woman."
Realizing how what he'd just said must have sounded to the human woman beside him, Sesshoumaru studied her face, hoping she wasn't insulted. There were times when he almost forgot Kagome was human because with her that little detail never mattered.
Kagome nodded for him to continue, biting her bottom lip to keep back everything that was dying to pour out of her. He was already having enough trouble sharing; she wasn't going to make it worse.
"She could not find another to mate because she loved him so strongly and she lived the rest of her life broken without him. He left her with nothing, forcing her to live in a slum barely scraping by. If it were not for inu instincts demanding you keep your own close to you I would have been cast out with her. Instead I was forced to watch as he spoiled the half-... Inuyasha, to see him doting on Izayoi, knowing how my mother suffered.
"I did not see her at all during the early years of my life. Father kept her away in the hopes of keeping me docile and easily controlled. When I did finally meet her she showed me the truth of his actions. She taught me the difference between humans, demons, and hanyou and how they should never mix. She told me all the things he'd tried to keep me from hearing. It was she that warned me to protect my heart, to never trust because I would only be betrayed as she was. She built the wall I kept around my heart, the wall you so easily penetrated."
Kagome couldn't keep her eyes off him as he spoke. She'd never had any idea of the pain that he held inside. Sure, she'd glanced at it through his eyes but she'd never even imagined it could be something like this.
"That's why you hate Inuyasha and Izayoi?"
"If it were not for them, my mother would not have suffered so. She died of a broken heart. The pain simply grew to be too much. The man has no honor, to do what he did."
"Have you ever asked him about it? Give him a chance to tell you his side? I know you don't want to hear it, but there has to be some explanation. Your father is the most honorable man I know. I can't see him doing that without a very good reason."
"There is no acceptable excuse."
"I'm sorry, Sesshoumaru. I'm sorry she suffered and I'm sorry you have, but you were a baby. It is possible things didn't happen quite the way she told you. You... Do you still believe that humans and demons shouldn't be together?"
He could hear the pain in her voice and fought back a sigh. "I don't know what to think. Her words no longer make the sense they used to. Why would she tell me to never trust? Why would she want me to be alone like she was? She was my mother. Should she not have wished for me to be happy, to find love? Following what she taught me has led me to this situation, where I fought my feelings until they have nearly killed me.
"It does not matter to me what you are. At first I tried to deny my attraction to you even to myself because of your humanity, but I failed miserably. My life without you was hell and I would never give up these last few days for anything. My love for you has made me question everything I thought I knew, everything I believed. If humans and demons were not meant to be together than why would the gods put the other half of my soul in a human body?"
Kagome couldn't help but smile. "The other half of your soul, huh?"
"Without you I am woefully incomplete and the differences between us mean nothing. Still my mother's words ring in my head. Did she lie to me?"
"I don't know, Sesshoumaru. Did you ever think that maybe she was angry, bitter even, and her words came from her pain instead of the truth?"
"I can only hope that Father can explain. He has tried in the past to speak with me about my mother, but I never listened. She told me he would lie to me, fill my head with garbage to keep me in line. She told me he would try to keep us apart and he did. He forbade me to ever see her again. He said horrible things about her. I still am not sure that I can trust him."
"You can, Sesshoumaru. There has to be some kind of explanation for everything. You just need to let him talk, to really listen. He wouldn't lie to you."
"I have an overwhelming feeling of dread, that I will not like what I hear."
"It will be okay, I promise. I'll be right there beside you." She squeezed his thigh once more as they came to a stop outside his family home. Things were about to get interesting.
-
Inuyasha watched in amazement as Jakotsu's drawings came to life right before his eyes. The contractor and his small crew worked at an impressive speed, that much was certain. He couldn't help but smile. Kagome would love her new room and Sesshoumaru probably wouldn't be able to find much to complain about either.
The hanyou found himself growing more and more comfortable with the idea of the two of them together. Seeing Sesshoumaru willing to make her breakfast, a task that otherwise would have been deigned beneath him, spoke volumes. Kagome seemed so happy too and just as he had before, Inuyasha found himself studying his memories, this time in search of hints of his miko's true feelings.
The more he thought, the more he remembered. Kagome would sneak glances at his half-brother, her face always holding just a bit of sadness when she did. He could remember hearing her sigh, having before attributed the sound to something else, but now it was obvious. She'd always longed for the taiyoukai and had hidden her feelings even from her best friends, all for his sake.
Even though the two seemed so different, it was a good contrast. They complimented each other well and seeing them together only cemented it. They would be mated and he would support it if that was what Kagome wanted, which it clearly was. If Sesshoumaru ever hurt her he wouldn't hesitate to kill him, but after everything his brother went through to get her it seemed rather unlikely. Things would be different, sure, but he understood now that it didn't have to be a bad thing. So long as he didn't have to listen to them fuck...
-
Katsuro studied his eldest son, taking note of how visible his emotions seemed to be. Sure, Sesshoumaru had his mask up, but apparently his nervousness was powerful enough to still shine through. Again Kagome laid her hand on him and he watched the younger taiyoukai relax at her touch. She was definitely his soul mate. She knew when he needed her without him speaking a word and she calmed him effortlessly.
"Are you going to tell me why you've come or simply continue to stare at the floor?" He asked with a bit of humor in his voice. "Surely you do not grace me with your presence without cause, not that I mind of course."
Kagome glanced at him and frowned, unamused. This was hard enough for Sesshoumaru without his father's teasing. She felt as Sesshoumaru reached towards her for comfort and she allowed him to catch her hand, lacing their fingers together.
"I have come to ask you... about my mother. Things that she taught this Sesshoumaru no longer make sense."
"And you are finally ready to listen?" Sesshoumaru nodded. " Good. I have waited a very long time for this. Come. We will sit in the study." Katsuro walked away, knowing they would follow soon enough.
Kagome squeezed the inu's hand in her own. "It'll be okay," she whispered softly.
"So long as you are by my side," he said with a forced smirk. He hated looking so weak in front of her but he knew that if anyone could be trusted with his weakness it was her. She deserved to hear what his father would say, even if it went against everything he ever believed, and he knew he couldn't force himself to listen without her there with him. He needed her strength when it seemed as if his were faltering and he knew she would offer it without question.
-
Once they were settled behind the closed doors of the study, Katsuro sucked in a deep breath. Sesshoumaru was not going to like what he had to say, but at least he was finally ready to ask. He hadn't been lying when he said he'd been waiting a long time. It felt like forever since he'd lost his son to his mother's lies. Maybe now he truly had a chance to get him back.
"A great deal of what I have to say will cause you pain, but it is information you should have heard long ago. Much of what you believe and have based your life on is a lie and I am proud that you have finally chosen to come to me for the truth."
Sesshoumaru nodded for his father to continue, his hand reaching for Kagome's. Her hand found his almost instinctively and their fingers intertwined, Sesshoumaru finding the strength he needed in her touch.
"When I first met your mother, I was not looking for a relationship, but she pursued me. She seemed perfect. She listened to my stories and laughed at my jokes. She shared all of my interests and she never complained about my job or the long hours. I didn't know it then, but it was all an act, an attempt to get what she wanted.
"I should not have slept with her. That was wrong and I knew it, but I could not resist what was offered to me so freely... and frequently. I did for a while, but eventually I gave in. She led me to believe that it was not her fertile time and I was far too distracted to use my nose and realize it was untrue. Still, I would not change it if I could, because it gave me you, my son. I know you do not believe I love you, but I do and I always have."
Sesshoumaru had to fight back a snort of derision at his father's words. If the man truly loved him, why had he never acted like it? No, even now his father was full of shit. A glance at Kagome reminded him that he needed to see this through, even if it did end up being a waste of time.
Katsuro knew Sesshoumaru didn't believe him but he could only hope that the more he heard the weaker his mother's hold on him would become. This was his one and only chance and he had to make it count.
"When I learned she was pupped I immediately planned to mate her. It was the right thing to do, what she deserved, even though her attitude and behavior had shifted dramatically. I attributed the change to the pregnancy at the time. It was around this time that I first met Izayoi, and though I was immediately drawn to her, I refused to follow my instincts, ignoring the demands of my beast who declared that it was she who we would mate. If your mother had not been pupped I would have pursued Izayoi with everything I had, but I had more honor than that. I had a child on the way and that was all that mattered.
"Even though dreams of Izayoi woke me nightly until I was asleep on my feet from fatigue, I ignored my beast and avoided her as much as I could. Just looking at her hurt, and the pain and lack of sleep weren't the worst part. No, another effect of the syndrome made life with your mother very difficult.
“I don't know if you know this, my son, but pregnancy causes a serious increase in the libido of the pupped female. Your mother saw it as my duty to take care of her in this way as well, which I suppose it was, but it was impossible. Just considering touching her caused a pain in my chest that I know you are familiar with, and actually doing so... It was excruciating. Still, I would have found a way to suffer through it if I could. However, as you know, the pain wasn’t the only problem.
“My not being able to please her physically became the focus of her anger and frustration and she didn’t hesitate to tell me how she felt about my manhood, or lack thereof. She berated me constantly and I allowed it because I had no idea why I could not perform. Finally the pain and… other… symptoms got to be too much and I went to my father, much as you did.
“He told me that I had the Syndrome and explained it all to me as best he could, just as I did for you. He told me that I could not mate your mother. I would do neither her nor you any good dead, and that was how I would certainly end up if I did not give in to my beast’s demands. Even if I was determined and attempted to go through with the mating, it would not take. If I wanted to survive to see my son grow up I had to dishonor myself by pursuing and mating Izayoi instead of your mother.”
Sesshoumaru’s eyes widened for a moment. If his father had done as he should have and mated his mother… No, he couldn’t have. It simply wasn’t possible. If he had attempted to maintain his honor and stay with her without mating, he would have died an excruciating death. His father had been in the same situation as he was right at that moment, fighting his beast, although for different reasons, until the syndrome set in.
Truthfully, his father had told him something like this once before but he hadn’t believed a word of it. It sounded too ridiculous to be plausible and besides, it went against every word his mother had told him. This information changed everything. His father hadn’t dishonored his mother by choice. He did it because if he hadn’t he would be long dead, leaving his coming child fatherless. Sesshoumaru understood now, at least somewhat, what had happened before he was born, the events that shaped his entire life. Still, why had his mother lied to him? Now he was very interested in what his father had to say.
“As you can imagine, explaining this to your mother was not easy and it did not end well. I thought the screaming and cursing would never end. What surprised me most, however, was what she seemed most upset about. It wasn’t that she was losing me, but that she was losing me to a human that aggravated her so. It got so bad that I had to have my father speak with her, to arrange what would happen once you were born. Once an agreement was reached, things were much quieter in the house, though still incredibly tense. She spent most of her time picking out the home I was to purchase for her and then furnishing it with the most extravagant and expensive things she could find. I denied her nothing, feeling that she deserved no less. She was giving me a son.
“During this time I did begin to pursue Izayoi, but I never brought her into this house. I would never have disrespected your mother in such a way. She, on the other hand, held no such reservations. Over and over I came home to find the scent of another man in the house. A few times they were actually still here when I arrived. Still, I allowed her to behave as she wished, no matter how much it bothered me that she would lay with another man while pregnant with my child.
“She stayed here throughout the remainder of the pregnancy and left the day after you were born, by her own choice of course. I told her she could stay as long as she wished to recover. I was relieved that you were born strong and healthy. I’d worried many a night about how her behaviors might have affected you. She hadn’t hesitated to leave you behind and even signed the legal papers giving me sole custody, which broke my heart for you. How she could just walk away from you… I will never understand.
“Izayoi moved in a few weeks later to help me care for you, and Inuyasha was not conceived until several months later. I know that you have always believed that I brought a pregnant Izayoi into this home and then threw your mother out, but it did not happen like that. If you were to do the math, it would be obvious what is true. Izayoi raised you as if you were her own child and loved you with her whole heart. She was hurt by everything that has happened more than anyone else. When you decided you wanted nothing to do with her, it was like one of her sons was ripped away from her.”
Sesshoumaru swallowed slowly. He’d never even thought of that. He really should have done a little independent thinking instead of taking everything his mother said at face value. Still, he had only been five at the time she’d first started his retraining and he had no reason to disbelieve her. He’d hurt people who didn’t deserve to be hurt. He kept seeing a flash of an image, what had to be a memory, of Izayoi with tears in her eyes. She’d chosen to be his mother when his real mother had not and he’d tossed her away like trash. How could he ever make up for that?
“I heard from your mother on a regular basis, every time she needed more money or had some other demand. She always had things to say about Izayoi and Inuyasha, horrible and completely unnecessary things. She never once, however, inquired about you. When she finally did, after five years, I was suspicious and very hesitant to allow her to see you, but it was Izayoi who convinced me. I should have stood by my gut feeling, but as a mother Izayoi could not imagine not being able to see her child and her compassion overrode my common sense. I knew it could only end badly, but I had no idea how badly.
“When you came home that night… It was like something from a nightmare, like you’d been brainwashed, and in reality you had been. I have no idea how she managed to dig her claws so deeply into your mind that you wouldn’t listen to reason, to anything I said.”
Why had he believed her so easily? She was basically a stranger, but something about her had made her seem so honest and trustworthy. She was his mother! Of course he should have been able to take her word at face value!
“There is only one other thing that must be clarified.”
The look on Katsuro’s face twisted something in Kagome’s chest. How this part could be any worse than everything else she didn’t know, but somehow she knew it would be.
“Her death,” Katsuro said slowly, watching as Sesshoumaru finally lifted his head and made eye contact with him. “I know that you blame me for her death, and while it is not the way you think, I do believe that I am responsible.”
Kagome visibly winced and Sesshoumaru’s expression darkened. Even if his mother had lied to him about everything, knowing his father was somehow responsible for her death was simply unacceptable. He nearly got up and walked out, but Kagome’s hand tightened around his and he realized he really ought to hear how his father thought himself responsible.
“Your mother did not die of a broken heart, but my actions did contribute to her passing. Because of our arrangement, she never had to work, which left her with nothing but free time and disposable income which can be a dangerous combination. I always gave her what she asked for, no matter the amount, and perhaps I should have said no at some point. Maybe it could have saved her. I will always regret not suspecting what was going on, but truth be told, I’d long ago stopped listening to the rumors that circulated about her.
“I was and am still thankful that you were young when she died. I know that sounds awful, but I could not have protected you from hearing everything being said about her. Some things a child never needs to hear about a parent. I wish I didn’t have to tell you what I must, but you need to know the truth, at least the tamest version of it I can manage.
“Your mother had long ago made it very clear that she was happy things had happened the way they did. She got all of the benefits of being mated to me without the responsibilities. She enjoyed her freedom, more so than was healthy. She had sex with whoever she wanted to, and somehow along the way she was introduced to drugs. I’ve always imagined that one of the many men in her life encouraged her to try them, but once she’d started, well, she hadn’t needed any more encouragement. According to the police investigation of her death, as well as the toxicology reports, she experimented in everything: prescription and street drugs alike, and she mixed everything with alcohol. That is what killed her, my son. She overdosed.”
“You lie! My mother did not die like a common junkie!” Sesshoumaru hissed in a dangerous tone laced with more hate than Kagome had ever heard from him before.
“I wish it weren’t true, but it is. I have the papers to prove it. I wish I hadn’t given her so much money. Perhaps then she wouldn’t have had such easy access to the poisons that killed her. Your blame rightfully falls on me.”
Kagome was nearly in tears. It was obvious how badly Katsuro felt and that he truly blamed himself, but it wasn’t his fault. He didn’t buy her the drugs. He didn’t force her to take them. That was her choice.
It was clear Sesshoumaru was thinking the same thing. “Even if her death was her own doing that is no excuse for what you did afterwards. How dare you disrespect her by having her services at a shrine?!”
A small smile showed on Katsuro’s face. “That, my son, was not my doing, but hers. She left a will with very specific instructions to be followed if and when she passed. She’d even prepaid her arrangements. I had no choice but to abide by her wishes.”
“What self-respecting demon would choose to have their funeral services done by a monk, on a shrine?” Sesshoumaru hissed, not thinking for a moment how his words might sound to the miko beside him that grew up on a shrine.
“Sesshoumaru, your mother had given up any remaining shreds of self-respect long ago. I believe she did what she did as one last way to make me look bad in your eyes. That is all I have to share with you. I am sure you have a lot of thinking to do and I will leave you to it. Feel free to stay as long as you want. You are always welcome here.”
Kagome watched as Katsuro pulled a manila folder from his filing cabinet and set it on the desk. He then rummaged through a drawer for a moment before setting a key ring with a single key on it atop the folder. He slid them across the desktop towards her, since it was clear Sesshoumaru’s mind was elsewhere. When she gave him a questioning look, he smiled softly.
“Proof of everything that can be proven. The address is on the first page.”
Kagome nodded and watched as the elder taiyoukai left the room. Sesshoumaru was still staring at his knees, obviously lost in his thoughts and not enjoying it in the slightest.
“What are you thinking?” she asked in little more than a whisper.
He looked up at her before letting out an audible sigh. “I’m thinking that I have no idea who I am or who I would be if I hadn’t believed every lie a stranger fed me, or if I had just once allowed my father to tell me his side of the story. Everything I have based my life on is a lie and I have no idea who I am anymore.”
“Well, who do you want to be?”
Sesshoumaru was silent for a minute, just staring deep into her eyes, before he answered. “I want to be the guy who asked you on a date more than four years ago. I want to be a guy you’d have wanted to be with back then.”
“Can you settle for being the guy I want to be with now?” She smiled warmly at him and he couldn’t help but crack a grin.
“Maybe…” Then his brain reminded him of his situation and he sighed again. “But I’ve said and done horrible things and hurt people that didn’t deserve it, all based on lies. I can never take that back.”
“That’s the thing about the past. It’s over and done with and you can’t change anything. All you can do is apologize and try to make up for it in the future, try to be a better person. It wasn’t entirely your fault, you know. You were a kid and she was your mother. Of course you believed her. You didn’t know any better.”
“I don’t deserve you.”
Kagome smiled. “That’s the thing about love. It isn’t given because it’s deserved. It is given simply because it exists.”
Sesshoumaru lifted an eyebrow at her. “Did you just say you love me?”
Her eyes widened and he chuckled. “No… No, I didn’t say that.”
“I’m pretty sure you did.” The room fell into a comfortable silence for a minute before he spoke again. “I have to get out of here. I can’t just sit in this room and think about this.”
“So let’s go then. Do you want to go home?”
He shook his head. “No… I’m not ready to see anyone. I’m not ready to face my brother.”
Kagome smiled. “Your brother? I like the sound of that.”
“Yes, but I doubt that he will.”
“Oh, sure he will, eventually. It’s just gonna take him some time to forgive you and then you can really be brothers again. If not home, then where do you want to go?”
Sesshoumaru thought for a moment before a mischievous look spread over his face. “I know. Come with me.” He held out his hand and she took it, allowing him to lead her out of his father’s office and into the large open foyer, where he froze in his tracks.
Izayoi was standing there looking at him, her heartbreak and just a tiny bit of hope visible in her eyes. She stayed still for a moment before continuing on to her original destination.
“She will never forgive me,” he whispered, all playfulness gone from his voice. “I said the most horrible, hateful, and vicious things to her. There’s no way she could ever forgive me.”
“Sure she will.”
“No, you have no idea. It’s worse than you could even begin to imagine.”
“I believe that, but here’s the thing: The woman who filled your head with lies and hate, she was never your mother. Izayoi chose to take care of you, to love you. She chose to get up with you at all hours of the night, to rock you when you couldn’t sleep, to soothe you when you were hurt. She chose to be your mother even though she didn’t have to. She is your true mother and there’s something about mothers that you have to understand. It doesn’t matter what you do or what you say. You can break their hearts over and over again and they will always forgive you. That’s what mothers do.”
“You really think so?” he asked hopefully.
“I know so. Now are we going to stand here all day or are we going somewhere? And where exactly are we going anyway?”
“You’ll see,” he replied, the lightness back in his voice again. He couldn’t have survived this without Kagome. She had this amazing way of making everything alright, of letting him forget his problems, if only for a few minutes. He had an opportunity here and he refused to pass it up.
Kagome laughed as he led her up the stairs. “Your room? Really? That’s where we’re going?” He only nodded. “You realize that whatever you think is going to happen up there isn’t, right?”
They came to a stop outside his door and he turned to look into her eyes. “Just having you in my room will be a dream come true. I never thought it would ever happen. It was impossible, but now it’s not. I don’t expect anything, I promise.”
She nodded her agreement and smiled at him. He was so cute when he was actually showing emotion, and seeing him happy, especially after everything he’d just heard… yeah, she could give this to him.
“Oh, wait… Wait here, count to twenty, and then come inside.”
Kagome laughed again. “What? Gotta hide all your porn or something?”
“Or something…” he said with a smirk before disappearing inside, closing the door quickly behind him.
“Never would have imagined him to be so weird,” she giggled to herself before starting to count. When she reached twenty, as requested, she opened the door a sliver and said, “Ready or not, here I come!” before stepping inside and closing the door behind her.
As Kagome skimmed over the room taking it all in, Sesshoumaru lay semi-reclined on his bed watching her. Without his permission his cock twitched as she locked the door. He hadn’t said anything about doing that, and the little action put all kinds of thoughts in his head that didn’t belong there.
Finally her eyes landed on him and she smiled at him. She had to wait in the hall just so he would be able to watch her walk in? Well, she would humor him. Besides, now that she’d gotten used to touching him she’d found that she really liked it. In fact, she never wanted to stop. She wanted to always be holding his hand, to be in physical contact with him in some way. More than anything she wanted to run her hands over his entire body, to memorize it until she could mold a flawless reproduction out of clay from only memory with her eyes closed. Not only did she want it, but she knew that he would be more than happy to allow it.
Her smile turned into more of a smirk as she began to approach the foot of the bed, an extra swing in her hips as she moved. What harm could having a little fun do? She set the folder and keys down on the end of the bed before climbing up onto the mattress and crawling alongside him. Her eyes never left his and it was obvious that he’d stopped breathing at some point, the knowledge of which gave her an incredible feeling of power. She’d rendered him breathless with no effort. What else could she do?
Kagome stretched out beside him, pressing her body against his. “Are you actually shaking?” she asked with a playful grin.
“You have no idea of the things I want to do to you right now,” he answered honestly, his voice hoarse. Seeing her crawling up his bed like that, it wasn’t just a dream come true. It was like a fantasy coming to life before his very eyes.
“I actually think I might,” she whispered back before leaning in a kissing him with all the passion and frustration that had been building up inside her for years, not pausing until she was certain her lungs would collapse if she held off breathing for a single second more. “And while most of them will have to wait, right now you are going to kiss me senseless until I tell you to stop.”
Sesshoumaru smirked, rolling them until he was perched over her, looking down into her eyes. “I think I can handle that.”
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Chapter 45 – The Truth is Hard to Hear
Kagome looked over at the visibly nervous demon in the driver's seat beside her. His hands clutched the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were white, even against his usually pale skin. She opened her mouth before closing it again, unable to find the right words. She didn't understand what he was so worried about. They were only going to see his father, a man she loved and trusted with her very life. What was there to be nervous about?
She tried and failed several times to speak before deciding to go another route. She gently placed her hand on his thigh, seeing him instantly relax. Sesshoumaru turned and gave her a weak smile in thanks and she sighed.
"Are you going to live?" She asked in a joking tone, hoping to ease some of the tension. She shot him a playful grin and squeezed his leg. "Why is this so hard? We're just going to see your dad."
"You are aware of the less than amicable relationship I have with my father."
"Yeah, but why? He's wonderful."
"Perhaps to you, Inuyasha, and Izayoi. There is much about my father that you do not know." He glanced at her, seeing the questions in her eyes. "My mother was not privy to the same preferential treatment as you and the others, and neither is this Sesshoumaru. He only endures my presence because his instincts demand it of him."
Kagome gasped before she could stop herself. "I don't... Sesshoumaru, he's your father. He loves you."
He knew she wouldn't understand, and so Sesshoumaru set out to inform her. That way she at least knew his side of things before the conversation with his father occurred. He needed her by his side and more than anything he wanted to share this with her. He'd never spoken to anyone about his mother and he knew Kagome would listen. Maybe it would help her understand him better, knowing why he is the way he is.
"It is a long story, but I will try to explain. My mother loved my father with all of her being and was supposed to be his mate. He pupped her before mating her, which itself was inappropriate, but she could not deny him. Then he decided he no longer wanted her. He cast her out, disgraced her, all to be with a human woman."
Realizing how what he'd just said must have sounded to the human woman beside him, Sesshoumaru studied her face, hoping she wasn't insulted. There were times when he almost forgot Kagome was human because with her that little detail never mattered.
Kagome nodded for him to continue, biting her bottom lip to keep back everything that was dying to pour out of her. He was already having enough trouble sharing; she wasn't going to make it worse.
"She could not find another to mate because she loved him so strongly and she lived the rest of her life broken without him. He left her with nothing, forcing her to live in a slum barely scraping by. If it were not for inu instincts demanding you keep your own close to you I would have been cast out with her. Instead I was forced to watch as he spoiled the half-... Inuyasha, to see him doting on Izayoi, knowing how my mother suffered.
"I did not see her at all during the early years of my life. Father kept her away in the hopes of keeping me docile and easily controlled. When I did finally meet her she showed me the truth of his actions. She taught me the difference between humans, demons, and hanyou and how they should never mix. She told me all the things he'd tried to keep me from hearing. It was she that warned me to protect my heart, to never trust because I would only be betrayed as she was. She built the wall I kept around my heart, the wall you so easily penetrated."
Kagome couldn't keep her eyes off him as he spoke. She'd never had any idea of the pain that he held inside. Sure, she'd glanced at it through his eyes but she'd never even imagined it could be something like this.
"That's why you hate Inuyasha and Izayoi?"
"If it were not for them, my mother would not have suffered so. She died of a broken heart. The pain simply grew to be too much. The man has no honor, to do what he did."
"Have you ever asked him about it? Give him a chance to tell you his side? I know you don't want to hear it, but there has to be some explanation. Your father is the most honorable man I know. I can't see him doing that without a very good reason."
"There is no acceptable excuse."
"I'm sorry, Sesshoumaru. I'm sorry she suffered and I'm sorry you have, but you were a baby. It is possible things didn't happen quite the way she told you. You... Do you still believe that humans and demons shouldn't be together?"
He could hear the pain in her voice and fought back a sigh. "I don't know what to think. Her words no longer make the sense they used to. Why would she tell me to never trust? Why would she want me to be alone like she was? She was my mother. Should she not have wished for me to be happy, to find love? Following what she taught me has led me to this situation, where I fought my feelings until they have nearly killed me.
"It does not matter to me what you are. At first I tried to deny my attraction to you even to myself because of your humanity, but I failed miserably. My life without you was hell and I would never give up these last few days for anything. My love for you has made me question everything I thought I knew, everything I believed. If humans and demons were not meant to be together than why would the gods put the other half of my soul in a human body?"
Kagome couldn't help but smile. "The other half of your soul, huh?"
"Without you I am woefully incomplete and the differences between us mean nothing. Still my mother's words ring in my head. Did she lie to me?"
"I don't know, Sesshoumaru. Did you ever think that maybe she was angry, bitter even, and her words came from her pain instead of the truth?"
"I can only hope that Father can explain. He has tried in the past to speak with me about my mother, but I never listened. She told me he would lie to me, fill my head with garbage to keep me in line. She told me he would try to keep us apart and he did. He forbade me to ever see her again. He said horrible things about her. I still am not sure that I can trust him."
"You can, Sesshoumaru. There has to be some kind of explanation for everything. You just need to let him talk, to really listen. He wouldn't lie to you."
"I have an overwhelming feeling of dread, that I will not like what I hear."
"It will be okay, I promise. I'll be right there beside you." She squeezed his thigh once more as they came to a stop outside his family home. Things were about to get interesting.
-
Inuyasha watched in amazement as Jakotsu's drawings came to life right before his eyes. The contractor and his small crew worked at an impressive speed, that much was certain. He couldn't help but smile. Kagome would love her new room and Sesshoumaru probably wouldn't be able to find much to complain about either.
The hanyou found himself growing more and more comfortable with the idea of the two of them together. Seeing Sesshoumaru willing to make her breakfast, a task that otherwise would have been deigned beneath him, spoke volumes. Kagome seemed so happy too and just as he had before, Inuyasha found himself studying his memories, this time in search of hints of his miko's true feelings.
The more he thought, the more he remembered. Kagome would sneak glances at his half-brother, her face always holding just a bit of sadness when she did. He could remember hearing her sigh, having before attributed the sound to something else, but now it was obvious. She'd always longed for the taiyoukai and had hidden her feelings even from her best friends, all for his sake.
Even though the two seemed so different, it was a good contrast. They complimented each other well and seeing them together only cemented it. They would be mated and he would support it if that was what Kagome wanted, which it clearly was. If Sesshoumaru ever hurt her he wouldn't hesitate to kill him, but after everything his brother went through to get her it seemed rather unlikely. Things would be different, sure, but he understood now that it didn't have to be a bad thing. So long as he didn't have to listen to them fuck...
-
Katsuro studied his eldest son, taking note of how visible his emotions seemed to be. Sure, Sesshoumaru had his mask up, but apparently his nervousness was powerful enough to still shine through. Again Kagome laid her hand on him and he watched the younger taiyoukai relax at her touch. She was definitely his soul mate. She knew when he needed her without him speaking a word and she calmed him effortlessly.
"Are you going to tell me why you've come or simply continue to stare at the floor?" He asked with a bit of humor in his voice. "Surely you do not grace me with your presence without cause, not that I mind of course."
Kagome glanced at him and frowned, unamused. This was hard enough for Sesshoumaru without his father's teasing. She felt as Sesshoumaru reached towards her for comfort and she allowed him to catch her hand, lacing their fingers together.
"I have come to ask you... about my mother. Things that she taught this Sesshoumaru no longer make sense."
"And you are finally ready to listen?" Sesshoumaru nodded. " Good. I have waited a very long time for this. Come. We will sit in the study." Katsuro walked away, knowing they would follow soon enough.
Kagome squeezed the inu's hand in her own. "It'll be okay," she whispered softly.
"So long as you are by my side," he said with a forced smirk. He hated looking so weak in front of her but he knew that if anyone could be trusted with his weakness it was her. She deserved to hear what his father would say, even if it went against everything he ever believed, and he knew he couldn't force himself to listen without her there with him. He needed her strength when it seemed as if his were faltering and he knew she would offer it without question.
-
Once they were settled behind the closed doors of the study, Katsuro sucked in a deep breath. Sesshoumaru was not going to like what he had to say, but at least he was finally ready to ask. He hadn't been lying when he said he'd been waiting a long time. It felt like forever since he'd lost his son to his mother's lies. Maybe now he truly had a chance to get him back.
"A great deal of what I have to say will cause you pain, but it is information you should have heard long ago. Much of what you believe and have based your life on is a lie and I am proud that you have finally chosen to come to me for the truth."
Sesshoumaru nodded for his father to continue, his hand reaching for Kagome's. Her hand found his almost instinctively and their fingers intertwined, Sesshoumaru finding the strength he needed in her touch.
"When I first met your mother, I was not looking for a relationship, but she pursued me. She seemed perfect. She listened to my stories and laughed at my jokes. She shared all of my interests and she never complained about my job or the long hours. I didn't know it then, but it was all an act, an attempt to get what she wanted.
"I should not have slept with her. That was wrong and I knew it, but I could not resist what was offered to me so freely... and frequently. I did for a while, but eventually I gave in. She led me to believe that it was not her fertile time and I was far too distracted to use my nose and realize it was untrue. Still, I would not change it if I could, because it gave me you, my son. I know you do not believe I love you, but I do and I always have."
Sesshoumaru had to fight back a snort of derision at his father's words. If the man truly loved him, why had he never acted like it? No, even now his father was full of shit. A glance at Kagome reminded him that he needed to see this through, even if it did end up being a waste of time.
Katsuro knew Sesshoumaru didn't believe him but he could only hope that the more he heard the weaker his mother's hold on him would become. This was his one and only chance and he had to make it count.
"When I learned she was pupped I immediately planned to mate her. It was the right thing to do, what she deserved, even though her attitude and behavior had shifted dramatically. I attributed the change to the pregnancy at the time. It was around this time that I first met Izayoi, and though I was immediately drawn to her, I refused to follow my instincts, ignoring the demands of my beast who declared that it was she who we would mate. If your mother had not been pupped I would have pursued Izayoi with everything I had, but I had more honor than that. I had a child on the way and that was all that mattered.
"Even though dreams of Izayoi woke me nightly until I was asleep on my feet from fatigue, I ignored my beast and avoided her as much as I could. Just looking at her hurt, and the pain and lack of sleep weren't the worst part. No, another effect of the syndrome made life with your mother very difficult.
“I don't know if you know this, my son, but pregnancy causes a serious increase in the libido of the pupped female. Your mother saw it as my duty to take care of her in this way as well, which I suppose it was, but it was impossible. Just considering touching her caused a pain in my chest that I know you are familiar with, and actually doing so... It was excruciating. Still, I would have found a way to suffer through it if I could. However, as you know, the pain wasn’t the only problem.
“My not being able to please her physically became the focus of her anger and frustration and she didn’t hesitate to tell me how she felt about my manhood, or lack thereof. She berated me constantly and I allowed it because I had no idea why I could not perform. Finally the pain and… other… symptoms got to be too much and I went to my father, much as you did.
“He told me that I had the Syndrome and explained it all to me as best he could, just as I did for you. He told me that I could not mate your mother. I would do neither her nor you any good dead, and that was how I would certainly end up if I did not give in to my beast’s demands. Even if I was determined and attempted to go through with the mating, it would not take. If I wanted to survive to see my son grow up I had to dishonor myself by pursuing and mating Izayoi instead of your mother.”
Sesshoumaru’s eyes widened for a moment. If his father had done as he should have and mated his mother… No, he couldn’t have. It simply wasn’t possible. If he had attempted to maintain his honor and stay with her without mating, he would have died an excruciating death. His father had been in the same situation as he was right at that moment, fighting his beast, although for different reasons, until the syndrome set in.
Truthfully, his father had told him something like this once before but he hadn’t believed a word of it. It sounded too ridiculous to be plausible and besides, it went against every word his mother had told him. This information changed everything. His father hadn’t dishonored his mother by choice. He did it because if he hadn’t he would be long dead, leaving his coming child fatherless. Sesshoumaru understood now, at least somewhat, what had happened before he was born, the events that shaped his entire life. Still, why had his mother lied to him? Now he was very interested in what his father had to say.
“As you can imagine, explaining this to your mother was not easy and it did not end well. I thought the screaming and cursing would never end. What surprised me most, however, was what she seemed most upset about. It wasn’t that she was losing me, but that she was losing me to a human that aggravated her so. It got so bad that I had to have my father speak with her, to arrange what would happen once you were born. Once an agreement was reached, things were much quieter in the house, though still incredibly tense. She spent most of her time picking out the home I was to purchase for her and then furnishing it with the most extravagant and expensive things she could find. I denied her nothing, feeling that she deserved no less. She was giving me a son.
“During this time I did begin to pursue Izayoi, but I never brought her into this house. I would never have disrespected your mother in such a way. She, on the other hand, held no such reservations. Over and over I came home to find the scent of another man in the house. A few times they were actually still here when I arrived. Still, I allowed her to behave as she wished, no matter how much it bothered me that she would lay with another man while pregnant with my child.
“She stayed here throughout the remainder of the pregnancy and left the day after you were born, by her own choice of course. I told her she could stay as long as she wished to recover. I was relieved that you were born strong and healthy. I’d worried many a night about how her behaviors might have affected you. She hadn’t hesitated to leave you behind and even signed the legal papers giving me sole custody, which broke my heart for you. How she could just walk away from you… I will never understand.
“Izayoi moved in a few weeks later to help me care for you, and Inuyasha was not conceived until several months later. I know that you have always believed that I brought a pregnant Izayoi into this home and then threw your mother out, but it did not happen like that. If you were to do the math, it would be obvious what is true. Izayoi raised you as if you were her own child and loved you with her whole heart. She was hurt by everything that has happened more than anyone else. When you decided you wanted nothing to do with her, it was like one of her sons was ripped away from her.”
Sesshoumaru swallowed slowly. He’d never even thought of that. He really should have done a little independent thinking instead of taking everything his mother said at face value. Still, he had only been five at the time she’d first started his retraining and he had no reason to disbelieve her. He’d hurt people who didn’t deserve to be hurt. He kept seeing a flash of an image, what had to be a memory, of Izayoi with tears in her eyes. She’d chosen to be his mother when his real mother had not and he’d tossed her away like trash. How could he ever make up for that?
“I heard from your mother on a regular basis, every time she needed more money or had some other demand. She always had things to say about Izayoi and Inuyasha, horrible and completely unnecessary things. She never once, however, inquired about you. When she finally did, after five years, I was suspicious and very hesitant to allow her to see you, but it was Izayoi who convinced me. I should have stood by my gut feeling, but as a mother Izayoi could not imagine not being able to see her child and her compassion overrode my common sense. I knew it could only end badly, but I had no idea how badly.
“When you came home that night… It was like something from a nightmare, like you’d been brainwashed, and in reality you had been. I have no idea how she managed to dig her claws so deeply into your mind that you wouldn’t listen to reason, to anything I said.”
Why had he believed her so easily? She was basically a stranger, but something about her had made her seem so honest and trustworthy. She was his mother! Of course he should have been able to take her word at face value!
“There is only one other thing that must be clarified.”
The look on Katsuro’s face twisted something in Kagome’s chest. How this part could be any worse than everything else she didn’t know, but somehow she knew it would be.
“Her death,” Katsuro said slowly, watching as Sesshoumaru finally lifted his head and made eye contact with him. “I know that you blame me for her death, and while it is not the way you think, I do believe that I am responsible.”
Kagome visibly winced and Sesshoumaru’s expression darkened. Even if his mother had lied to him about everything, knowing his father was somehow responsible for her death was simply unacceptable. He nearly got up and walked out, but Kagome’s hand tightened around his and he realized he really ought to hear how his father thought himself responsible.
“Your mother did not die of a broken heart, but my actions did contribute to her passing. Because of our arrangement, she never had to work, which left her with nothing but free time and disposable income which can be a dangerous combination. I always gave her what she asked for, no matter the amount, and perhaps I should have said no at some point. Maybe it could have saved her. I will always regret not suspecting what was going on, but truth be told, I’d long ago stopped listening to the rumors that circulated about her.
“I was and am still thankful that you were young when she died. I know that sounds awful, but I could not have protected you from hearing everything being said about her. Some things a child never needs to hear about a parent. I wish I didn’t have to tell you what I must, but you need to know the truth, at least the tamest version of it I can manage.
“Your mother had long ago made it very clear that she was happy things had happened the way they did. She got all of the benefits of being mated to me without the responsibilities. She enjoyed her freedom, more so than was healthy. She had sex with whoever she wanted to, and somehow along the way she was introduced to drugs. I’ve always imagined that one of the many men in her life encouraged her to try them, but once she’d started, well, she hadn’t needed any more encouragement. According to the police investigation of her death, as well as the toxicology reports, she experimented in everything: prescription and street drugs alike, and she mixed everything with alcohol. That is what killed her, my son. She overdosed.”
“You lie! My mother did not die like a common junkie!” Sesshoumaru hissed in a dangerous tone laced with more hate than Kagome had ever heard from him before.
“I wish it weren’t true, but it is. I have the papers to prove it. I wish I hadn’t given her so much money. Perhaps then she wouldn’t have had such easy access to the poisons that killed her. Your blame rightfully falls on me.”
Kagome was nearly in tears. It was obvious how badly Katsuro felt and that he truly blamed himself, but it wasn’t his fault. He didn’t buy her the drugs. He didn’t force her to take them. That was her choice.
It was clear Sesshoumaru was thinking the same thing. “Even if her death was her own doing that is no excuse for what you did afterwards. How dare you disrespect her by having her services at a shrine?!”
A small smile showed on Katsuro’s face. “That, my son, was not my doing, but hers. She left a will with very specific instructions to be followed if and when she passed. She’d even prepaid her arrangements. I had no choice but to abide by her wishes.”
“What self-respecting demon would choose to have their funeral services done by a monk, on a shrine?” Sesshoumaru hissed, not thinking for a moment how his words might sound to the miko beside him that grew up on a shrine.
“Sesshoumaru, your mother had given up any remaining shreds of self-respect long ago. I believe she did what she did as one last way to make me look bad in your eyes. That is all I have to share with you. I am sure you have a lot of thinking to do and I will leave you to it. Feel free to stay as long as you want. You are always welcome here.”
Kagome watched as Katsuro pulled a manila folder from his filing cabinet and set it on the desk. He then rummaged through a drawer for a moment before setting a key ring with a single key on it atop the folder. He slid them across the desktop towards her, since it was clear Sesshoumaru’s mind was elsewhere. When she gave him a questioning look, he smiled softly.
“Proof of everything that can be proven. The address is on the first page.”
Kagome nodded and watched as the elder taiyoukai left the room. Sesshoumaru was still staring at his knees, obviously lost in his thoughts and not enjoying it in the slightest.
“What are you thinking?” she asked in little more than a whisper.
He looked up at her before letting out an audible sigh. “I’m thinking that I have no idea who I am or who I would be if I hadn’t believed every lie a stranger fed me, or if I had just once allowed my father to tell me his side of the story. Everything I have based my life on is a lie and I have no idea who I am anymore.”
“Well, who do you want to be?”
Sesshoumaru was silent for a minute, just staring deep into her eyes, before he answered. “I want to be the guy who asked you on a date more than four years ago. I want to be a guy you’d have wanted to be with back then.”
“Can you settle for being the guy I want to be with now?” She smiled warmly at him and he couldn’t help but crack a grin.
“Maybe…” Then his brain reminded him of his situation and he sighed again. “But I’ve said and done horrible things and hurt people that didn’t deserve it, all based on lies. I can never take that back.”
“That’s the thing about the past. It’s over and done with and you can’t change anything. All you can do is apologize and try to make up for it in the future, try to be a better person. It wasn’t entirely your fault, you know. You were a kid and she was your mother. Of course you believed her. You didn’t know any better.”
“I don’t deserve you.”
Kagome smiled. “That’s the thing about love. It isn’t given because it’s deserved. It is given simply because it exists.”
Sesshoumaru lifted an eyebrow at her. “Did you just say you love me?”
Her eyes widened and he chuckled. “No… No, I didn’t say that.”
“I’m pretty sure you did.” The room fell into a comfortable silence for a minute before he spoke again. “I have to get out of here. I can’t just sit in this room and think about this.”
“So let’s go then. Do you want to go home?”
He shook his head. “No… I’m not ready to see anyone. I’m not ready to face my brother.”
Kagome smiled. “Your brother? I like the sound of that.”
“Yes, but I doubt that he will.”
“Oh, sure he will, eventually. It’s just gonna take him some time to forgive you and then you can really be brothers again. If not home, then where do you want to go?”
Sesshoumaru thought for a moment before a mischievous look spread over his face. “I know. Come with me.” He held out his hand and she took it, allowing him to lead her out of his father’s office and into the large open foyer, where he froze in his tracks.
Izayoi was standing there looking at him, her heartbreak and just a tiny bit of hope visible in her eyes. She stayed still for a moment before continuing on to her original destination.
“She will never forgive me,” he whispered, all playfulness gone from his voice. “I said the most horrible, hateful, and vicious things to her. There’s no way she could ever forgive me.”
“Sure she will.”
“No, you have no idea. It’s worse than you could even begin to imagine.”
“I believe that, but here’s the thing: The woman who filled your head with lies and hate, she was never your mother. Izayoi chose to take care of you, to love you. She chose to get up with you at all hours of the night, to rock you when you couldn’t sleep, to soothe you when you were hurt. She chose to be your mother even though she didn’t have to. She is your true mother and there’s something about mothers that you have to understand. It doesn’t matter what you do or what you say. You can break their hearts over and over again and they will always forgive you. That’s what mothers do.”
“You really think so?” he asked hopefully.
“I know so. Now are we going to stand here all day or are we going somewhere? And where exactly are we going anyway?”
“You’ll see,” he replied, the lightness back in his voice again. He couldn’t have survived this without Kagome. She had this amazing way of making everything alright, of letting him forget his problems, if only for a few minutes. He had an opportunity here and he refused to pass it up.
Kagome laughed as he led her up the stairs. “Your room? Really? That’s where we’re going?” He only nodded. “You realize that whatever you think is going to happen up there isn’t, right?”
They came to a stop outside his door and he turned to look into her eyes. “Just having you in my room will be a dream come true. I never thought it would ever happen. It was impossible, but now it’s not. I don’t expect anything, I promise.”
She nodded her agreement and smiled at him. He was so cute when he was actually showing emotion, and seeing him happy, especially after everything he’d just heard… yeah, she could give this to him.
“Oh, wait… Wait here, count to twenty, and then come inside.”
Kagome laughed again. “What? Gotta hide all your porn or something?”
“Or something…” he said with a smirk before disappearing inside, closing the door quickly behind him.
“Never would have imagined him to be so weird,” she giggled to herself before starting to count. When she reached twenty, as requested, she opened the door a sliver and said, “Ready or not, here I come!” before stepping inside and closing the door behind her.
As Kagome skimmed over the room taking it all in, Sesshoumaru lay semi-reclined on his bed watching her. Without his permission his cock twitched as she locked the door. He hadn’t said anything about doing that, and the little action put all kinds of thoughts in his head that didn’t belong there.
Finally her eyes landed on him and she smiled at him. She had to wait in the hall just so he would be able to watch her walk in? Well, she would humor him. Besides, now that she’d gotten used to touching him she’d found that she really liked it. In fact, she never wanted to stop. She wanted to always be holding his hand, to be in physical contact with him in some way. More than anything she wanted to run her hands over his entire body, to memorize it until she could mold a flawless reproduction out of clay from only memory with her eyes closed. Not only did she want it, but she knew that he would be more than happy to allow it.
Her smile turned into more of a smirk as she began to approach the foot of the bed, an extra swing in her hips as she moved. What harm could having a little fun do? She set the folder and keys down on the end of the bed before climbing up onto the mattress and crawling alongside him. Her eyes never left his and it was obvious that he’d stopped breathing at some point, the knowledge of which gave her an incredible feeling of power. She’d rendered him breathless with no effort. What else could she do?
Kagome stretched out beside him, pressing her body against his. “Are you actually shaking?” she asked with a playful grin.
“You have no idea of the things I want to do to you right now,” he answered honestly, his voice hoarse. Seeing her crawling up his bed like that, it wasn’t just a dream come true. It was like a fantasy coming to life before his very eyes.
“I actually think I might,” she whispered back before leaning in a kissing him with all the passion and frustration that had been building up inside her for years, not pausing until she was certain her lungs would collapse if she held off breathing for a single second more. “And while most of them will have to wait, right now you are going to kiss me senseless until I tell you to stop.”
Sesshoumaru smirked, rolling them until he was perched over her, looking down into her eyes. “I think I can handle that.”
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