InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Way I Am ❯ Age 10, enter Sesshoumaru-chan ( Chapter 2 )

It is I, and I've made yet another chapter of this BS. Well, here goes.

 

 

 

 

Oh, hello again. Nothing much has happened since I wrote last. My hair's finally gotten longer these past couple of years.

 

Oh yeah, and my father died.

 

No one's quite sure how it happened. Hiroshi-sama travels an awful lot, being the pack leader. New territories to conquer, new places to go. They say he must have gotten into a fight with some birds of paradise, and the fight ended badly on his behalf.

 

I never liked him much. Call me cruel, but his death seemed to have little effect on my emotional status. It seemed he was never there, just a vanishing dream that disappeared into a vapor when you awoke to go trouble someone else whilst you forget it within the next two minutes.

 

I really am selfish.

 

I found it hard to get used to Hiroshi-sama in the little time of the two years he spent among the living. As I said, he was never there, we never spoke. I felt as if I'd be letting my guard down by giving him even a small corner of my heart. He means nothing.

 

Then why do I feel so horrid?

 

It must be the grief of the others. Misao especially. I allowed her a sliver of the space inside my heart, and she had that strange ability to push the limits of that sliver, as if you had no choice but to like her. It must be a virus she had the ability of spreading. Sickening as it was, it was also splendid.

 

Whatever the hell that means.

 

It's only been a day since Hiroshi-sama was confirmed to have passed on to the world beyond. Misao, being the weak human she is, is now sluggish and mournful from grief. She never smiles now, and her beautiful voice often cracks with emotion.

 

Her protectiveness of me has become worse.

 

She never lets me outside, and whenever I try to sneak out, her little personified sliver of my heart tugs at my heartstrings, resulting in a nearly vomit-inducing guilt trip. She barely even looks at me now, but I am constantly complimented nonetheless. Oh, you're my daughter and I'm so proud of you this, and I love you so much that. I care not for these stupid phrases.

 

Actually…Maybe I do.

 

I reached for my hairbrush, sitting at my writing desk and trying to get all of the tangles out of my now long hair. I'm so proud that it reaches my mid-back. I ran it through my hair for the umpteenth time to search for any offending knots, and was semi-disappointed to find my work was useless. I had no knots in my hair, as I had brushed it at least five times in the last ten minutes. I set my comb down and waited.

 

But what of my brother?

 

Last time, I believe I said he mentioned already having a teenage son. Seventeen year old Matsu. He was very attractive, as I am ashamed to admit. His hair and eyes are both reddish brown, and he's always wearing dark blue. But my attraction to him had boundaries as short as his intelligence. He disliked me very much, and I soon found he had a revolting obsession with sex. It was extremely annoying. Why would he not grieve Hiroshi-sama beyond tears in a similar fashion to Misao?

 

Maybe because he's not here.

 

No, he's not dead. He eloped with a wolf demoness in our pack. Mizue, I believe her name was. You see, only the alpha male, female, and their descendants are allowed to mate. Matsu loved Mizue very much, and could not bear the thought of being stuck with another woman. So, at seventeen, they both ran off together.

 

It would be romantic enough to make me sigh if Matsu wasn't such an ass.

 

I desperately wanted him to like me, but I desperately failed. The one and only time I reached out to him with my weak and pliable claws when I was nearly deathly sick sometime last year, he brushed me off. He's unbelievably cruel, Matsu.

 

Many lords and ladies came from different parts of the land, being allies of Hiroshi-sama; they paid their respects and tried to comfort Misao. What was wrong with her? It was only death. She's such a weakling.

 

I thudded down the stairs from the second floor. Whenever a lord or lady brought their kid, I was expected to keep them company. At least several of them had the common sense to leave little children at home. Even though I'm only ten and a child myself, little kids are really freaking annoying.

 

I finally brought myself into the silent dining room, in such a hurry that I slid across the highly polished wooden floor. The lord of the western lands, Inutaishou, I think, had come today, and I was supposed to make simple chitchat with his son, whom was already seated at the table.

 

He was very tall, but still shorter than me, even though he appeared to be about my age. His hair was very long and a pale silver color, in strange contrast to his amber-colored eyes. His bangs ended at his eyebrows, which were, strangely enough, black. (AN-They are black, not silver, people. Trust me on this.)He was wearing a plain white kimono with a black obi, and watched as I slid clumsily across the floor with an emotionless expression. He went on with eating, as I noticed the strange violet marks on each side of his face, and the indigo crescent moon on his forehead. Strange, I thought. Why paint the moon the color of the night sky?

 

I sat down. Then began the most still and awkward silence I had ever encountered in my living. I already knew his name, Sesshoumaru. Damn, he was a strange one. Being around him is possibly the most unbelievably unnerving thing you could go through, believe me. I kept my composure, and began to eat. He wasn't going to get the best of me, even though he was completely oblivious that he might be trying to.

 

`So.' I began, “so” being a word I often used to begin sentences when I had little idea of what to talk about. I couldn't exactly ask why he was here or anything. `Sesshoumaru-chan.' I tried.

 

`Don't call me that.' He said, solemn as ever. `I'm not your friend.'

 

Well, he certainly was a jackass, I decided. The little time he spent there was spent in silence; he had officially pushed me away from talking to him. Deciding I would be as rude as he was, I finished my food, and then disappeared through the doors to the refuge of my room. He showed absolutely no interest in whether I was there or not. My presence meant nothing to him. I meant nothing to him.

 

I sat in my room, and spent an hour or so reading. I plotted climbing out the window to spend some time outside, but Misao would easily find out. It was winter, and snow covered all of the grounds of the castle. My footprints would be easy to spot, even for a human.

 

Boredom eventually got the better of me, and I came downstairs to perhaps be told how much I was loved by Misao for the fifth time today. As I came downstairs, I found her cooking, something the lesser wolf demonesses usually did. Well, I guess they can't be `lesser' when compared to a human.

 

`Ah, Kakou-chan.' She said. She had my attention. I looked up at her, to show I was paying attention to what she was saying.

 

`Hai?' I said. `What is it, Okasan?' Okasan. I had been calling her mother ever since I first came here.

 

`Inutaishou-sama had to leave for urgent business earlier, and his son is walking back to his castle alone. There are birds of paradise out at this time and season, and I fear he might not know which route is best for avoiding them. Could you please catch up to him and accompany him? Also, he's free to spend the night here; we have plenty of guest rooms.' Misao stated her long-winded request.

 

I was about to say no, that I cared not what happened to that fool. It then dawned on me that this was the first and perhaps only time Misao would let me go outside. I needed to pounce on this opportunity before it scurried back into its little metaphorical den and hid for the next three years. `Hai, Okasan.' I said, and skipped out the door.

 

`Kakou-chan…' She called. `I love you more than anything.'

 

I didn't know why she let me go outside. It didn't dawn on me that she might not want me around. I let her comment slide off of me like water off a duck. It meant little to me, I heard it so often.

 

Crap.

 

I sniffed the air, searching for Sesshoumaru's scent in ecstasy of finally being outside. Snow covered all of the bushes and trees; they all remained untouched, as if the world had just been repainted because the gods were unhappy with the color they chose last time.

 

Damn, Sesshoumaru could cover a lot of distance in little time. I didn't expect it before, but I learned the hard way that with the slightest effort, dog demons could run really freaking fast. I sprinted after his scent, also learning the hard way that running in a kimono was difficult. Very difficult.

 

I finally caught up to him in matter of minutes, to my dismay it took that much effort to catch up to him when he appeared to only be walking. I spotted him walking towards the forests below, jumping over rocks. I slowed to a walk, calling for him. He slipped on a rock and nearly fell, but caught himself. He ignored me as well, continuing his walk while I struggled to catch up to him.

 

*~* Sesshoumaru's point of view *~*

 

I slipped on a rock, distracted by hearing Kakou call my name. What the hell did she want with me? She annoyed me so. How dare she shake off so lightly those comments of love from her caretaker, when no one even bothered to tell me those things? I didn't show her my annoyance. In fact, I kept an impassive face and showed her no emotion.

 

I was disappointed that she persisted in chasing me, and even more disappointed to feel her tug on a bit of my waist-length hair. I turned to give her an icy glare. She wasn't ugly, but I wasn't exactly attracted to her, either. Her facial features were well placed, and her hair was well kept. Her kimono was well fitted and black, tied with a pale pink obi to match the pink stain on her face. She must be exhausted, I thought, to have jogged all that way in a kimono, which was barely fit for running in.

 

`Sesshoumaru-chan…' She started, too out of breath to finish her sentence.

 

I decided I'd had enough. I was not her pet, nor her younger brother. She had no right to talk to me as if I were her friend.

 

No one does.

 

I grabbed the collar of her kimono, growling and baring my fangs at her. She yelped, probably more out of surprise than fear. I was a little shorter than her, anyways.

 

`Don't call me that!' I snarled. `I'm not your friend! I have no business with you! Now screw off and go crying to your stupid wench of a human mother and leave me be!' She looked hurt. I didn't care. I didn't want to care. I threw her to the ground, and she fell with an unpleasant `thud' in the snow. I trudged away from her. Before she caught up, I had been walking so gracefully that my feet barely left a dent in the snow. Now, they left large footprints.

 

She looked at me with a `How could you do that?!' expression. Instead of apologizing and helping her, which would have been the proper way to treat a lady, I turned my back on her and continued walking.

 

Why…Am I so annoyed?

 

That she should have someone who cared that much about her, and I should have no one who did. Why would someone as ditzy and stupid as her deserve something I didn't? It wasn't fair. Had she been in my place, would she be any better a child? So stupid…Her family makes me sick!

 

It's like I'm being pressed on by something. It's like I'm being left behind. Why in all hells is it bothering me? Is it because they're so goddamn cheerful?

 

This is why I learned to smother my emotions. When something this troublesome affects a mere child, arrogant as I was in my youth, I would become rather oblivious to my surroundings. I learned something that day.

 

Karma is the stupidest thing to ever grace our earth.

 

After walking a good ten yards away from her I looked back to see Kakou brushing herself off and making to head back to her castle. She paused and looked back in the same moment I did, and she seemed to stare at me. What was she looking at? It wasn't me, it was something behind me.

 

I berated myself for being so stupid.

 

I felt a demonic aura rising some ways behind me, as if it were airborne. I looked, and saw what it was. A huge and mutated bird, it appeared, was circling overhead like a vulture. Its wings were small in comparison to the body, and instead of a face, beak, and other essentials, all that was there was a huge unblinking red eye with a thin black pupil nestled against the grayish feathers. Underneath this unsavory eye a huge, long line of a mouth grinned at me. On top of its head, like an antenna, was what appeared to be a green remake of the torso and head of a bald man. I cannot begin to emphasize how inexplicably eerie it was, trying to find a way to make its contorted body land without breaking something.

 

`Sesshoumaru-san!' I was again plagued by Hiroshi-sama's foolish daughter's existence. She would not have caught up to me if I hadn't stayed so still, as if hypnotized by the creature's awful appearance. When I say awful, I mean awful. She tugged on the sleeve of my kimono this time. I acknowledged her by politely bringing the sleeve to my delicate nose, hopefully to filter the excruciatingly disgusting stench. `W-we need to go back!' She stammered from the quickly arising stink, mimicking me and bringing a sleeve of her pitch black kimono to her nose.

 

I growled at her. `Are you daft? I have no business with you or your sickening mother. Leave me be.' I said, verbally pushing her away. I continued walking, thoroughly confident that the bird relied on its fantastically horrid stench to defeat enemies.

 

I was unbelievably stupid at 11 years of age.

 

It landed right in my path, with Kakou falling back a few yards from it and me. The bird or paradise had abnormally sharp talons on its scaly yellow feet, digging deeper in the snow than I could if I fell from a great height. My feet again left barely any indent in the snow at this time.

 

I wanted to call to it, give it a warning before I hurt it very badly. I found it impossible to speak, being that close to the creature and its putrid breath. The thought of opening my mouth to speak there was most revolting. Instead of swallowing my pride and going back with Kakou, I stood my ground.

 

The air had an odd tension to it. It was as if two demons were at war, not a demon trying to catch its prey. I had never encountered a bird of paradise, and had no clue what it would do. I could only wait, not so keen to pounce on it.

 

With surprising speed, a colossal wing lashed out towards me. I skillfully jumped out of the way, only to find that it was a diversion. The real attack came in a horrid attempt to grab me in its abnormally sharp and deadly-looking claws. I dodged just barely, and it sent me skidding in the flurry of snow, leaving a thin, pure red line of blood in my wake.

 

A large cut had been opened on the side of my face, opposing the stripes that were already there. Otherwise, I might have blended in perfectly with the snow. I brought a hand to my face as I stood up, recoiling it into my vision to see the red mark on my hand from the blood. It stung. I winced. It stung more.

 

I looked to the bird of paradise, still intent on defeating it. It had just cut my face; I wasn't near death or anything. Damn, that thing was quick. It moved faster than I had presumed from seeing its size.

 

Just as I was about to try again, I felt a hand clamp firmly around mine. Kakou was there. Before I could protest, she ran forcefully, dragging me with her. It must not have been hard; I was very light, and already shorter than her.

 

Eh?

 

I didn't even have time to react, as she ran back towards her home with me in tow. I stumbled, in a bit of a stupor. No one ever did that to me. Nobody had the right.

 

Why?

 

The bird creature had a rather hard time catching up with us. Kakou was already dragging me at an inhuman speed, and the creature's body did not appear built for transportation on land, where its prey dwelled.

 

She just-

 

I composed myself as the bird made to come after us, running to gain enough momentum for flight. `What do you think you're doing?!' I forcefully pulled my hand from hers, watching as she stumbled a little. It was amazing how stubborn she was. I looked to the bird, deciding it was suicide to go back. It was hovering with its claws hanging dangerously three or four feet from the snowy ground, perfect placement for ripping us off the ground where we belonged.

 

We were already running plenty fast, but the bird of paradise was nearly upon us, now that it was flying. Kakou was too damn slow. I hastily grabbed the collar of her kimono yet again, making my own little sonic boom in my wake. Snow flew, blinding the demon for a precious second. And in that precious second, we were already at the base of the cliff on which Kakou's family resided.

 

I casually let go of Kakou's collar. She collapsed on the ground, clutching her neck in a fit to breath. Guess I almost choked her.

 

Feh.

 

I looked back in a strange kind of triumph, seeing the bird creature in the distance; already making its ascend towards us.

 

Oh shit.

 

`Is your pack really that meek? Do other creatures have no fear whatsoever of you?!' I said testily to her.

 

She was still trying to catch her breath. `N-no…They're just stupid. We have to r-run…It'll catch up to us.' Again, before I had time to react, she grabbed the sleeve of my kimono and dragged me up the hill.

 

As she was opening the sliding door to her castle, leaning against it and panting, her face still red from being flustered, I spoke.

 

`Why? Why did you help me?' I said with a bored expression. `Are you trying to make me owe you?'

 

Kakou still seemed out of breath as we went inside. Damn, she was weak. We came inside, and then I realized, to my dismay, I felt exhausted, too. I leaned against a wall, slumping against it and sliding down.

 

`Sesshoumaru-chan…We have to treat your injuries.' She said, tiredly.

 

`Don't call me that!' I snapped. `And I'm fine. I'll be healed by tomorrow.' My cut had already stopped bleeding, so my assumption was pretty much true. She stood up, nodded, and headed into another room while I stayed in the hall. I didn't quite miss her company.

 

Ugh. I ended up here again.

 

I sat, stewing in my misery. I saw Kakou walk across the hall to another room, unable to find her stupid human caretaker. Why did she value my life so? It was inexplicable. She seemed to have no luck in finding Misao.

 

`Uhm, Sesshoumaru-san…' She said, leaning against a door to my right. `We'd like it if you stayed for din-'

 

`Whatever.' I said, looking at the ceiling. I looked to my left to show I didn't want to look at her. I changed my mind from looking at the ceiling because that's what people do when they're about to cry, and I had no intention of doing so. I didn't hear her leave, as if she hadn't understood my answer. I looked to her and added to my response.

 

`I'll try, it's just…Uncomfortable. This whole family thing, I'm not used to it.'

 

It's like I'm the only one who doesn't belong.

 

`But…' I added. `Even if I was…I'd think nothing of telling him…“You're mot my father!”

 

Even if that foolish father of mine waited for me and gave me his time, I'd still say `I'm not coming back!' and things like that.

 

`What difference would it make if I felt that way or not?' I continued. She listened quietly from her place in the open doorway. `I'm still the same person.'

 

I'm still the same person, aren't I?

 

…What's wrong with me?! For me to be jealous…Of THAT…

 

I bowed my head, my long sheet of silver hair shielding me from her view. `I'm so stupid…' I said, my voice quivering a little.

 

`Sesshou-chan?' She asked, sitting on her knees. `Ah! Uhm, I mean…'

 

If she's going to keep making that mistake, no sense in yelling at her every time she did. `…What?' I said.

 

I got no answer. She sat on her knees in front of me, and gave me a cute smile. What was that supposed to mean?! I didn't snap or yell at her, I just looked at my feet intensely.

 

...

 

6 year old Sesshoumaru sat near his mother's grave, the whole of his tiny hand wrapped around one of Inutaishou's fingers. He lifted his free arm, and placed a single red flower on the grave.

 

Maybe…I was…Lonely.

 

Inutaishou let go of Sesshoumaru's tiny hand, walking inside the castle of the Western Lands wordlessly. Chibi Sesshoumaru silently began to cry, mourning the loss of his mother in tristesse.

 

 

Maybe I've just…

 

 

 

…Always…

 

 

 

…Been Lonely.

 

...

 

Kakou sat with me. With another ditzy smile, she stood up. She told me she was going to go change, and disappeared down the hallway.

 

Just a little bit of `ordinary.'

 

A chance to be myself and not have to make excuses…

 

…Maybe that's what I've been looking for.