InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Wolf and The Dog ❯ Chapter 4: Confusion and Anger ( Chapter 4 )

Warning: angst, suicidal thoughts

 

`….' Thoughts

“…” speech

 

Chapter 4: Confusion and Anger

 

Kouga sighed in his sleep and snuggled into the warmth beside him. He was warm and drowsy with no intention of waking up soon. The smell of forest, rain and wildflowers: fresh, sweet and wild and something else oddly familiar hit his nose. The sound of someone's heartbeat and even breathing reached his ear. But his mind was too groggy to acknowledge who it was.

 

“Ummmm…. you're warm… what??… who???”

 

Suddenly his eyes flew open and body tensed as he looked up to gaze at the face of the sleeping hanyou. The memory of a few hours before drifted into his memory and he smiled. `So the pup is finally mine…. MINE???!!' He shook his head amazed at his own thoughts. `How can he be mine? This is just a one time thing, I don't love the mutt.'

 

`Don't you…. You of all people know perfectly well that wolf doesn't mate unless they love someone.' Another voice spoke up.

 

`MATE????!!!!' His eyes travelled to the area between Inuyasha's the neck and shoulder where the rather red and swollen mating mark lay. His eyes widened in horror. `I marked him….. as my mate but….' However, it felt so right at the moment that it left him confused. He searched his mind for his feelings regarding the hanyou. There was a feeling of protectiveness…care… love???.. `But what about my pack. The elders will never accept him. They want an heir from me and how I can produce one with him… But I love him I cannot leave him… wolves mate for life, don't they???' He frowned. `If I don't produce an heir my pack will be thrown into chaos if something happens to me and there's that thing about the prophecy Yuuka-chan was ranting about'. (A/N: More info about Yuuka will be in given later chapters)

 

“Oh Kami… what do I do… help me?” he whimpered in distress.

 

Although his tribe had no obligation regarding the gender of a mate, however, being the leader there were certain restraints imposed on him regarding the selection of his mate. He didn't have much say in choosing a mate and that was one of the reasons why he had not chosen a mate until now. He didn't want to mate with some she-wolf just to produce an heir, he wanted love, respect and trust. Although he would get the respect from any mate he chose… he was the alpha after all… but what about love.

 

His mind was in turmoil, he found that he truly loved this hanyou but, he had duties towards fellow wolves. Already he had lost so many of them in the fights with Naraku and he felt guilty for it but at the time he could not leave the hanyou.

 

`But what will Inuyasha think of it when he wakes, will he even accept me as his mate…. Doesn't he love Kagome… don't I love Kagome.. oh god.. where is this all going… I need to think it through….'

 

His head was pounding. He got up and made his way to the spring. The cool water calmed him down but there still was so many questions he needed an answer to. He had no idea that what had began as a game, a way to dominate the hanyou would turn out to be something so profound. He got out of the spring and quietly dressed himself and then picked the hanyou's clothes up from where he had hidden them and turned to walk towards the sleeping demi-inu.

 

The doggy was shivering slightly due to the cold breezes of the night and the lack of warmth. He covered the puppy's naked form with his haori and bent down to kiss his puppy's forehead. “I love you,” he whispered, “but there are so many questions I need answers to and I need to think, so I must leave you, please forgive me for that.” The sleeping hanyou gave a low moan and turned to the other side. Half-heartedly he got up and left the area and his newly claimed mate to make his way to his den with his mind reeling with confusing thoughts.

 

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~*~After Sometime~*~

 

It was already nighttime when Inuyasha woke. The first feeling that came to his groggy mind was a slight pain in his lower back. He groaned and then he blinked his eyes rubbing the left one with his hand.

 

“What… where am I?” *yawn*

 

Then suddenly the events of a few hours before hit him. He looked around frantically searching for the wolf, however his senses told him that the wolf had already left a few hours ago, leaving him alone.

 

“What have I done… I let myself get laid with the wolf… WHY???!!!” He yelled to no one.

 

He looked down on himself to see that he was covered by his haori. “At least he bothered enough to give me back my clothes before he left, rotten bastard…” he sighed heavily “how can I be such a fool? How can let myself be used again and again. First Kikyo, then Kagome with her stupid beads keeping me on a leash and now Kouga.. the idiot I hate… my rival…”

 

He felt filthy and weak for letting himself be taken by the wolf. `Now he will make a joke about it every time. Shit… WHY ME????' He got up to wash himself in the spring. He hissed suddenly as he felt a sting in the area between his neck and shoulder and slowly moved his fingers up to inspect the wound.

 

“What the hell??!!… Mating mark… the wolf marked me… why would me mark me if this was just a one time thing... why…??”

 

Slowly he limped his way to the spring and entered the water. He shivered from the cold water but washed himself anyway. He got out and dressed himself securing the sword to his side. He was tired in spite of the long hours of sleep. He went to nearby boulder and laid back on it pondering on the events.

 

“Why did that damn wolf mark me… why…?” He asked himself again.

 

`So that he can dominate you… you're his bitch now after all…' A voice in his head answered.

 

“No no no I am nobody's bitch… I never will be.” He shook his head denying what his conscious was telling him.

 

`Oh but you are now… you like slavery don't you? First Kikyo. Whenever she called you would follow her like a faithful dog wagging your tail, then you let Kagome control you with those beads and now with Kouga you have crossed every limit you had. You gave him everything… your body, your pride, your …' the voice continued.

 

“No no please stop I can't bear it anymore… please stop.” Tears streaked down his face as he sobbed like a small child, covering his face with his hands. For the first time in so many years the hanyou let himself cry. After his mother's death he had promised himself that he would never cry again. He will be strong, so he hid his true self behind a mask of arrogance. But today his heart broke and he couldn't stop himself as tears fell uncontrollably.

 

“Kouga!! Damn you… why did you play with me… with my feelings you fucking son-of-a-bitch… why…?” he cursed.

 

`He used you baka, used you like a common whore and left you alone after he had used you and YOU LET HIM… fucking bitch you are… BITCH….. WHORE….. BITCH!!!!'

 

He got up and started walking. He left the area, he hated it, this was the place that took the last bit of pride he had from him. He hated himself, he hated everything…. He wanted to run away, run away from the voice in his head, from the world. So he walked aimlessly, his mind filled with self-loathing. He wanted to die. Nobody needed him, everybody just wanted to use him. `No wonder even my brother… my half brother looks down on me so much… I am a bitch.'

 

He broke down again and collapsed to the forest floor, his pale body wracked by violent sobs. He didn't know what to do. Suddenly his stomach gave a violent jolt and a feeling of nausea washed over him. He got up and ran to the nearest bush and emptied what little he had eaten in the last few hours. A sudden pain racked through his body and even his head ached. He started feeling dizzy. `Maybe I am dying… good… at least one of my wishes is coming true.'

 

Slowly his vision faded and he collapsed to the ground as the world turned black.

 

(A/N: Too antsy and melodramatic… I know. I was feeling kinda low today so the chapter's reflects my mood: crappy. And I know I made Kouga act like a total ass but not to worry. I promise things will get better in the later chapters, so don't flame me.)