InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The World Through His Eyes ❯ Blurry ( Chapter 9 )

Disclaimer: Has anyone thought about why we have to put up disclaimers? I mean do we really think that some big corporate guy/gal in Japan is going to stumble upon our stories and decide to sue us for copyright infringement? Or do we just write this because it's cool looking? Or because we have nothing better to do? Maybe a long time ago somebody thought it would make their story look more formal if they had a disclaimer and over time it's become the thing to do? Bah…I don't really care anyway…If you think I own any of the borrowed charas in this story then you're gullible enough to believe that I have a time warping well in my back yard that I'm willing to sell cheap.

 

 

AN. My final chapter in psychology will probably influence me as I write this chapter. So if any of you recognize theories of Freud or any other famous shrinks just nod your head and agree with the author's manic thought process.

 

Remember: Nod and Agree. Are we all clear? Good.

 

Also, When I first starting planning out what would happen in this story I never counted on doing a second “inside the mind” chapter, but everyone liked is so much that I'm going to use it again…with a slight spin. So…I guess this is a free chapter, as it was unplanned, and although it does help move the plot along…it will have some fluff.

 

Readers-YAY!

 

Just don't get too comfy wallowing in all the fluff because it's going to be back to angst-tinged business as usual next chapter.

 

::RECAP::

 

When Inuyasha came upon the rock that Kagome had picked at her make-shift alter the sight of her soul hovering above her body so shocked him that he called out to her. Souls weren't supposed to float free of the bodies they belonged to, his mind franticly shouted at him. Kagome's soul was supposed to be nestled deeply inside her not out for any soul stealer to pick up. He didn't notice the pink bubble-shield that surrounded her until he crashed into it with a loud thud. Quickly he picked himself up and desperately called out her name.

 

“KAGOME!”

 

In slow motion he saw her drop the threads she'd been holding so delicately in her hands. Somewhere in the back of him mind he registered the look of shocked pain that flowed across her features in those moments before all went black and he was floating on a black sea of nothingness.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

A few minutes later the others flew onto the scene. Kaede whispered a prayer to her ancestors while Miroku sent up a half-formed one to Buddha. There in the clearing lay Inuyasha, his hand outstretched toward Kagome, as if in his final moments of conciseness he'd still been trying desperately to reach her. As for Kagome, she slumped half-on half-off of a huge gray boulder. Kaede took in the scorch marks that ringed the top of the rock, and the slightly singed pieces of red and green cloth laying discarded in the middle of a haphazard circle of stones and she knew what Kagome had been trying to do just as clearly as if she'd been there herself.

 

“What has she done?”

 

::END RECAP::

 

Chapter 9: Blurry

I stumble and I crawl

The sky outside gradually filled with pinks and oranges as the last vestiges of the shadows were driven back with the arrival of the newly reborn sun. Thus the circle that is life started over again with day following night just as life follows death. Kagome smiled as she watched from her bedroom window as this cycle repeated itself. Although the sun came up every morning, the magnificent sight of it never got old to her. In short, life was good.

She frowned. No, that wasn't quite right. Life should have been good, great even, but there was a nagging feeling in the back of her mind that something was wrong. But for the life of her she couldn't put her finger on it. After all, what was wrong with her life? She was in her last year of high school and she'd already been accepted into her choice university. Houjo was the greatest boyfriend that any girl could possibly want. He was handsome, thoughtful and showered her with gifts, although sometimes he was a bit boring and his conversational skills could use a little work.

`But I love him…right?'

Ah, and there was her problem. Everything felt fake to her this morning. Even the colors of the sunrise had seemed tainted in some strange way; as if she wasn't meant to be seeing what she was seeing. It was as if she'd waken up to someone else's reality.

Kagome shook her head to clear it.

“I don't know what's gotten into me this morning, Bunyo! Maybe I've been reading too much manga lately, neh? Okka-san keeps telling me that I'm too old for that stuff, and maybe she's right.” Kagome spoke more to herself than the obese cat, which was, at this moment cuddled up to something that was lying haphazardly across her bed. Kagome frowned a bit, confused at what it could be.

Kagome gently pushed her over weight cat so she could see what he was laying on. It was a doll of sorts, made of porcelain and silk and…really human hair? She held the doll closer to get a better look, even though its hair was long and silvery-white there was something about the doll that just shouted masculinity. Maybe it was the red silk haori he was wearing, or the tiny sword stuck in his belt? On top of his head were two small animal ears. Kagome smiled when she saw them, something in her heart contracting painfully. Her eyes moved over his perfectly painted facial features, and in shock she held the doll even closer to her face. No, not painted on she realized, everything from his eyes to the small fang peeking out of his mouth was made of glass and looked so realistic that Kagome would almost swear that she saw his eyes fill with annoyance. Even the hair of his eyebrows was real and she wondered just how long it had taken the makers of this doll to put them in place.

“Is there something wrong with your Inuyasha doll, Kagome-chan? I hope not, because that thing cost a ridiculous amount of money.” Her mother's voice from the doorway so surprised Kagome that she almost dropped the doll in her hands. She let out a frantic cry but managed to catch the thing before it could crash to the floor. She looked over at her mother and forced a faint smile onto her lips.

“Everything's okay here, mom. Bunyo just decided to use him for a pillow and I was making sure he was okay.”

“What have I told you about leaving that doll lying around? Children…they never listen.” Her mother just shook her head and turned to leave, “Don't forget to grab some breakfast before you leave for school, Kagome-chan.” She yelled over her shoulder as she moved farther down the hall to make sure Kagome's little brother was up and getting ready.

Kagome didn't even bother to acknowledge her mother's last words; she was too busy staring down at the doll in her hands. Her eyes switched back and forth from the five razor sharp claws on his tiny hand to the five perfect puncture wounds that now graced her arm. She watched as the blood traveled down to her hand only to be absorbed by the red silk the doll wore.

Inuyasha had hurt her.

“Wait! What I'm I thinking? It's just a doll. A well made doll, but only porcelain and wire none the less. My imagination is affecting my judgment of reality.” She spoke aloud then caught herself, “Erg…now I'm talking to myself!” With more force than necessary she shoved the stupid doll back on to her bed, only to sigh and gently prop him up against the pillow and pose his little hand over his sword hilt. Kagome stood back and grinned at her handy work before heading down stars for breakfast.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

By the time Kagome arrive at school she had almost managed to push the strangeness of the morning out of her head. She even managed to smile a real smile when she spotted her group of friends waiting for her impatiently outside the school steps.

“Why are you so late? It's not like you to be late on the mornings of important exams!”

“Did you sleep in because you had one of those `dreams' about Houjo-kun?”

“You had a dream about Houjo-kun? What happened?”

“I hope it was one of those steamy--”

“Stop, Kagome-chan wouldn't have one of those dreams, would you?”

“Hey, everyone has them; don't go all saintly on me now.”

Kagome frowned as her three friends continued to argue about how virtuous she would be in her dreams. Suddenly she didn't think she had the strength to deal with them today. From experience she knew that if she quietly slipped away now they wouldn't miss her until at least lunch.

With that plan in mind she started to ease away from them when a hand on her shoulder stopped her. She spun around…

“Inu--…” The name died on her lips. Her eyes clouded with irritated confusion. Now why had she expected to see her doll standing behind her…No, not her doll, it hit her that she was expecting a life sized version of her doll to be standing there. To make matters more unsettling a tiny seed of disappointment grew up inside her when it was only Houjo who had touched her shoulder.

“Good Morning, Higurashi! You look lovelier every time I see you, even though I can hardly believe it possible.” His words sounded hollow to her ears. In fact she had the urge to whip the stupid smile right off his face.

`Wait, I love Houjo-kun. Why I'm I feeling like this?'

“Thank you for saying so Houjo-kun.” Her voice was subdued, quiet as she fought an inner battle over her sudden unease about the boy in front of her. Houjo was a bit confused by her tone of voice, and by the way she just stood there stiffly instead of coming over to give him his morning kiss.

`Maybe she's trying to make me prove my love for her? No matter, I can do that!' He smiled and moved over to stand beside her. This should prove he was willing to do anything for her.

Houjo leaned close to her and was prepared to give her a light kiss on the lips, but at the last second Kagome moved her head, causing the kiss to miss its mark and land on her cheek. Houjo looked at her with confusion. Kagome laughed nervously and murmured something about it being `that time of the month'. Houjo visibly paled and backed away from her. He had five older sisters and if life had taught him nothing else, it had taught him to walk a wide circle around PMSing women. Gulping he held out the package that he'd kept hidden behind his back since arriving at school. Sacrifices of chocolate and other expensive things always seemed to sooth the beast within when it came to his sisters, and although he hadn't been planning on using this gift as such, it would have to do.

“Here, Higurashi, I brought you a present.” He offered the brown wrapped parcel out to her, and sighed when she accepted his offering. Hopefully the monster would be appeased.

Kagome tore the paper away from the gift with impatient fingers, but stopped when she caught sight of what lay underneath. Houjo took her silence to mean that he could now approach her without worry of losing any of his appendages.

“I knew you were out of money and that it was killing you to not be able to buy the newest volume. I know it's not chocolate but---“He stopped when he noticed that Kagome's hands were trembling.

“Higurashi, what's wrong?” He asked.

“Inuyasha?” She sounded so lost at that moment, as if her very last and very best friend in the world had died. He watched as she ran a finger over the cover of the book she held in her hands, still half covered by brown paper. Houjo began to worry that he'd bought the wrong manga.

“Kagome-chan?” Her friends had stopped fighting long enough to notice her distress. They crowed around her like a wall, blocking her access to fresh air. Kagome felt trapped. She suddenly moved, pushed them away, and stood heaving in air. They all looked at her, shocked at her actions. It was too much. She didn't know what was real anymore. His face on the cover of that book brought on a wave of half remembered truths and made her heart hurt so badly she felt as if she would die. Kagome didn't know what reality was anymore.

“Kagome?” That Houjo had called her by her first name without an honorific spoke volumes about how concerned he was for her, but Kagome didn't seem to notice.

“I have to go.” She pushed past them, determined now to go home. Home where she would surly find the answers to what was happening to her.

“Do you want to see the school nurse?” One of her friends asked while putting a restraining hand on her shoulder.

“No, I have to go home!” Kagome spoke more forcefully this time as she tried to shrug the hand from her arm.

“But today is exam day!” Another hand was placed on her arm.

“I don't care! Let me go!” She fought harder to get away from the hands holding her back.

“But you'll fail if you don't take these tests!” Clutching fingers dug into her back, helping the other hands to hold her down.

“I said let me go!” Pink light surrounded her and the grasping hands and clutching fingers disappeared. Kagome didn't wait around to see that had become of her friends, she just ran as fast as she could, desperate to reach the sanctuary of the shrine she called home.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Kagome was half way home when she realized that she still held the manga Houjo had given her firmly in her hands. She slowed her frantic pace to a near stand still as she removed the last of the brown paper from the volume. Across the top in bold letters was written “The Adventures of Inuyasha!” But it was what was beneath the title that had caused her reaction at school. With unsteady fingers, she traced the outline of the hanyou on the cover.

`Wait, hanyou...why is that term so familiar to me? What's happening to me?'

Tearing her eyes away from the man in red she looked at the next person pictured on the cover. This man wore purple and black robes and had strange prayer beads wrapped around his right hand.

“Monks shouldn't be lechers…” Kagome spoke to herself in a dull whisper. She didn't know how she knew these things, or how she came to be in this place, but she wasn't fighting it anymore because she just didn't have the strength or the will.

Next, she traced the picture of a girl with long black hair pulled up in a tight pony-tail and a fierce look of determination in her dark eyes.

“Sango.”

Kagome's eyes caught sight of the little boy in the picture. His golden-red hair shown in the sun's light but his blue eyes were filled with sadness. His tiny kitsune paws were raised upward, as if he was waiting for some one to pick him up. Someone was missing from this picture, the someone who was supposed to pick this child up and love him forever. Kagome. She was that someone...wasn't she? Kagome felt tear sting her eyes.

“Shippou-chan…my little boy.” The sudden intense pain she felt upon uttering that name almost knocked her down. This was her…son? But how…

“No! This isn't real….these memories aren't real!” She slammed her hands over her ears in hopes of keeping the false memories at bay. The pain in her heart intensified and all she could do was scream in agony until the whole world went blank.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Where am I?

Where do you want to be?

I want to be…I can't remember where I want to be.

I tried to help you, you know. But you refused to comply.

What do you mean?

I gave you the perfect life. The life you've subconsciously always wanted, but you refused.

Life I always wanted…?

Yes, I gave you a life without Inuyasha, or the quest to find the shikon no tama. I gave you everything…even good grades and a boyfriend. But you refused to be content with that life.

I don't understand…

*sigh* I tried to simply erase all memories you had of your hanyou…but that didn't work. So I tried to integrate your memories of you life in ancient Japan in as gently as I could.

The doll and the…manga?

The manga, yes. The doll however was your doing. I don't know how you did it, but you did.

Why?

Why what? Why did I do this?

Yes.

Because you wished for it to be done.

Who are you?

I am you.

What…how could that be?

I am you.

How?

I am you.

NO!

I am you.

NO! NO! NO! I would never try to erase my memories of Inuyasha…or Shippou.

I am you.

You're Lyin---

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“…Lying… what? Where am I now?” Kagome looked around….as far as her eyes could see there was nothing but blinding whiteness. She sighed.

“I'm getting rather tired of this. What is it `Let's confuse Kagome by throwing her into all sorts of changing dimensions Day' and no one told me? I'd just like to go home.”

“Would you? But which home would you go to?” Suddenly a woman appeared right in front of her and the whiteness changed to a field full of sakura trees in full bloom. Kagome barely noticed the change though, because the woman in front of her held her attention. This woman could have been her twin in everyway, except for the fact that she looked older. She was dressed in the traditional robes of a miko, but the colors were all wrong. They shifted slightly so that Kagome could never quite name what color they were, but she got the impression of something old, past antiquity, when she looked at them.

“Kikyou?” The woman sighed and sat down in the soft grass. She indicated that Kagome should do the same.

“I have been Kikyou, but now I'm you. Or rather I am the you that you will be when you have reached your full maturity of mind.” At Kagome's confused look, the woman tried to explain it better.

“I am your soul, Kagome. We are very old, one of the first souls ever created. So yes, at one time I was Kikyou and a part of me is still Kikyou,” she pulled back her top a little so that Kagome could see the small wound in her chest. Scaring, colored a dark red surrounded the wound.

“A part of me is also your hanyou. He is filling up the empty spot that Kikyou left when she took what was ours. Soon I will not be a part of Kikyou at all.” Kagome shook her head; she didn't understand what her soul was telling her. Why would Inuyasha be filling up an empty place in her soul? Kagome has the awful feeling that she was forgetting something important, but for the life of her she couldn't recall what that something was. She looked around uneasily, hoping that a way out of this strange place and away from this strange woman would become visible.

“To leave all you have to do is tell me where you want to go.” The other Kagome answered as if she could read her counterpart's mind.

“But I don't know where I want to go.” Kagome answered in frustration. If only she could remember!

“Then we will talk some more. As I was saying, I am you, but not right now. You have much more growing and learning to do before we will become one.” The woman caught one of the pink blossoms as it floated by and held it gently in her hand.

“I always have liked sakura blossoms.”

“I still don't understand.” Kagome watched closely as her soul blew the flower out of her palm and back into the open air.

“I know.”

“Well, are you going to explain it to me?”

“It's like inheriting an old ceremonial robe the day you are born. At first the robe will not fit you at all, but as you grow it begins to fit you better and better each time you try in on. Finally, after many years the robe fits you perfectly and then you can never take it off.” The woman stood up and walked over to where Kagome sat. She reached out and touched her cheek softly and smiled.

“So you see, in a few more years I will fit you perfectly and then we will become one.” Kagome nodded her understanding. Then another question began to plague her mind.

“Why did I dream that Inuyasha was just a story? “ The sky immediately turned dark with rolling, angry clouds and the sakura blossoms disappeared completely from the trees, leaving them looking skeletal and bare.

“Because you have always wondered just what your life would be like without him. I showed you that, tried to give you that life, but you fought me.” Kagome felt fear for the first time since she had been trap in this strange place. All she wanted right now was to leave this place. She wanted to be with Inuyasha and Shippou in Kaede's hut. She wanted to see Sango hit Miroku for making a crude remark. She wanted to see Kirara curled up in front of the fire. She wanted to go home.

As suddenly as the storm came up it was gone. The sky was blue again and the pink blossoms appeared back on the trees.

“All you had to do was say what you wanted.” The woman who looked so like her whispered before she ever so gently taped Kagome in the forehead, “Remember that this is what you wanted.”

And once again, everything went dark.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Kaede came out of her trance and slumped forward in exhaustion. She couldn't remember a time, not even in the early days of her miko training, when she had felt this drained from casting a spell. Miroku, who was just coming out of his trance looked little better. In fact some would argue that he looked worse. His Buddhist magic was different from her Shinto holy powers, so it took much more out of him to perform the necessary spells to fix what Kagome had tangled.

Sango was near by, and at the sound of their movements she rushed over with water for them to drink and a little soup for them to eat. As she was handing out the nourishment she glanced over that the still bodies of Inuyasha and Kagome. They looked so pale, lying upon that rock, as if they were awaiting their last rites. Sango couldn't bear to look that them anymore so she sat her sight on the elder miko and the priest. They didn't look much better than the other two.

“Do you think we fixed it?” Miroku questioned Kaede in a strange mixture of hope and doubt.

“We have done all we can, and then some on borrowed grace. The rest is up to Inuyasha and Kagome-chan.” Her words, meant to lend comfort to the small group, felt hollow even to her own ears.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Kagome landed in a dimly lit room with a soft thud. She sighed.

`Before, I was only slightly irritated at being repeatedly dropped into places that exist only in my head, but now I'm getting pissed off.'

She peered around, and noticed that this room looked just like her bedroom at home. Hesitantly, she stood up and moved toward her window. She pulled back the shade, but the only thing outside was darkness. Not the normal darkness that comes with night, but an almost tangible darkness, sharp and alive with maliciousness. Nothing existed outside of her room except that soul-eating darkness.

Kagome shuddered at that thought and turned away from her window. Something red on her bed caught her eye and she walked over to investigate. There, lying propped up on her pillow just like she had left him, was the Inuyasha doll. Her heart filled with sadness at the sight and she lay down on her bed beside him. Cuddling him close she felt tears form in her eyes.

“Will I ever see you again, Inuyasha?” She whispered to the doll. His eyes gleamed in the dim light of the room as if he knew something but couldn't tell her. Without thinking, Kagome leaned forward and pressed her lips to the doll's small porcelain mouth, and her tears splashed onto his face.

Then it happened.

The doll started to grow, and as he grew, Kagome remembered. She remembered about being blind, about trying to undo the spell that bound her to Inuyasha, and she remembered about Kikyou.

By this time Inuyasha was back to being full sized and the first thing he did was gather Kagome up into his arms. He held her tightly as she wept against his shoulder.

“I'm so sorry. I couldn't undo the spell and save Kikyou. I tried, but I just wasn't strong enough.” Inuyasha shifted so that he could hold her even closer. Gently he shushed her weeping and wiped away her tears.

“Shh. Stupid girl, I never wanted to be unbound from you. I was coming to tell you that when Shippou came running up screaming about how you were gone. Now stop crying before you turn both of us into a soggy mess.” His tone of voice took the harsh sting out of his words as he helped her sit up. Kagome took a minute to wipe her eyes again and to gather up her wits. They both sat side by side on the bed in silence for what seemed like eternity before Kagome spoke.

“So…um where are we exactly?” Inuyasha shrugged his shoulders.

“As far as I can tell we're kinda stuck inside ourselves…”

“Then how come, if I'm stuck inside me, you're here?” Kagome asked as she poked him in the side. Inuyasha growled at her and scooted farther away from her on the bed.

“Feh, I don't know, it's your fucking head, you tell me why I'm here!” Kagome was silent for a moment.

“How do we know it's mine?”

“What?” Inuyasha looked at her strangely

“How do you know we're in my head and not yours?” She rephrased the question, all the while moving closer to Inuyasha. He looked at her warily before deciding that she wasn't that big of a threat to his person.

“Because only your head could be this messed up?”

Kagome frowned. Inuyasha tried again.

“Because I wouldn't have imagined myself as a child's toy?” He suggested hopefully.

Kagome's foot began to tap impatiently on the floor.

“Because this is your room, in your house, and in your time? And that all points to it being your head?”

“Well, you've got it half-way right. This place is in the junction where both of your souls are bound together. Kagome wished to be with you, to be “home” but since neither of you can be allowed to wake up until you finish fixing the damage to your souls; this is where you both ended up.” Both Inuyasha and Kagome weren't too shocked to see a second Inuyasha standing in the doorway of the room.

“Some how, I knew you'd be showing up.” Inuyasha growled toward the figure at the door.

“Inuyasha!” Kagome poked him in the side again, “If he can help us get out of here then I think we should be grateful.” Inuyasha huffed while Kagome turned toward his counterpart.

“What did you mean by saying we have to fix the damage to our souls before we can wake up?”

“If you wake up now your souls will be ripped to pieces because of the tear in the binding spell that you created. Kaede-baba and that perverted monk have done all they can to fix the problem, now it's up to you.” He looked over at the pouting Inuyasha and sighed.

“I can't believe I'm such an arrogant bastard.” He mumbled under his breath. Inuyasha's head shot up and he glared at his soul.

“Hey! I heard that!”

“I know.” He smirked, and Inuyasha wanted to go over there and beat the tar out of him, but Kagome put a restraining hand on his arm.

“How do we fix this?”

“All I can tell you is that there are things that you both need to accept about your situation before you can move on. Now I have to go. “Just as suddenly as he had come, the other Inuyasha was gone. Kagome tried to reach out and stop him, but it was no use.

“I really hate it when they do that.” She grumbled to herself.

“Well, bitch. I guess I'm not going to have to tie you to a tree to get you to really talk to me after all. So tell me now why you thought I'd hate you.” He demanded with a determined look in his eye. Kagome turned away from him, or at least she would have if he hadn't caught her chin in his hand. Her eyes still refused to meet his until he lightly smacked her on the nose. Kagome drew back, shocked, and from the looks of it Inuyasha was just as shocked as she was.

“What'd you do that for?” she demanded, rubbing her slightly red nose.

“I don't really know. I just wanted you to look at me and you wouldn't so I…well…I hit you on the nose…”

“Like I was some kind of puppy?” Kagome asked in irritation. Inuyasha felt his hackles rise at her tone.

“Well, the only reason I'd have to treat my mate like a pup would be if she was acting like one by not meeting my eyes or not telling me everything I need to know!” His voice was raised to near shouting levels now. Kagome wasn't going to be intimidated though. She could feel anger at him rise up within her. Inuyasha always treated her like a child, well, that would all end here.

“Maybe, just maybe, if you didn't treat your mate like a child all the time she wouldn't act like it! Have you thought of that, huh?!?”

“I don't treat you like a child!” He was off the bed, standing over her now, hoping that his height advantage would cause her to back down, but of course it didn't.

“Yes. You. Do. You always call me stupid or little girl…and you act as if I can't walk across the floor without your help!” She stood up too. Now they were toe to toe yelling at each other.

“No kidding Kagome! Unless you forgot, you've been fucking BLIND! Someone has to make sure you don't trip and break your pretty little neck!” He really wanted to stop yelling at her, but she was just so irritating when she got like this.

“You're doing it again!” Inuyasha might have wanted to stop fighting, but Kagome was finally getting stuff off her chest and wasn't about to stop anytime soon.

“Damn it! What I'm I fucking doing now?”

“You're treating me like I'm made of glass! I won't break if your not there to catch me!”

All the fight seemed to drain out of him with her words. Inuyasha sat down heavily on the bed and drop his head into his hands. Kagome realized what she had said and her hand flew up to her mouth.

“Inu—“

“No, it's my turn now. Sit down, Kagome.” Surprisingly this time she obeyed, “I'm sorry if you feel like I'm being overprotective sometimes, but damn Kagome, you have to admit that every time I turn around you're getting into some kind of trouble. Sometimes I feel like every time I leave you alone you end up kidnapped, possessed, or almost eaten. It's my job to protect you…” His last few words were muffled by his palms. Kagome, feeling rather meek now, asked him to repeat himself. He was silent for a long moment before speaking again.

“I said I didn't want to lose you.” Kagome didn't know what to say. Inuyasha, she knew, had a hard time verbalizing his feelings, so for him to say that he didn't want to lose her was the closest thing to a declaration of love she was likely to get.

“I'm sorry.” It was trite she knew, but it was the only thing she knew to say. Inuyasha didn't respond. For another long moment they sat in absolute silence until something from the previous conversation hit Kagome square in the face.

“Y..y…you called me…” She couldn't go on. Inuyasha looked at her strangely. He had never before seen Kagome's mouth hang open quite like that.

“I called you what…a bitch? I do that all the time.” Inuyasha was confused. Sure Kagome had made a big deal about him calling her that when they had first met, but Inuyasha was under the impression that she finally understood that it wasn't an insult.

“No…not that. You called me your…m…ma…” Kagome couldn't bring herself to say it. That would make it real. Too real. Inuyasha thought back over the argument and Kagome knew the very moment that he grasped what she was talking about because his eyes got big.

“Feh.” Life had taught Inuyasha that when you were out of words simple one syllable sounds of disgust worked fine.

“I guess that is what this spell is turning us into, neh? I'm really sorry Inuyasha. If I'd only been stronger, you wouldn't be in this mess.” Kagome looked down at her hands. She was beginning to realize just what this binding spell would cost Inuyasha. He would be stuck with her forever. There would be no going to hell with Kikyou.

She felt one of his long calloused fingers slid under her chin and this time she complied with his unspoken request to look him in the eye.

“I never want to hear you apologize for this again, you hear me? It's as much my fault as yours and I refuse to be sorry for it. Either we'll find a way out of this mess or we'll make the best of it. But I don't want you blaming yourself.” His voice was low and serious, and Kagome couldn't help but nod in agreement with him. But that didn't stop her from asking one more question.

“But what about Kikyou?” She busied herself with shifting around on the bed so that she wouldn't have to look at him when he gave his answer. Inuyasha knew what she was doing but decided to do nothing about it.

“I don't know Kagome, but I do know that we've all been in tighter spots than this. We'll find a way.” Kagome wondered if he realized that he sounded more like he was trying to convince himself than her.

“She said that you would do anything to save her, even if it meant severing your soul from mine. She said that you belonged to her just like she belonged to you…and I guess…I guess somewhere along the way I decided that not telling you about what the spell was doing to her was for the best. I was sure that if you knew that I was the cause of not only her death but your inability to travel to hell with her that you'd hate me. I figured she'd just fade…away, you know? But then I felt really guilty because I knew her death would cause you pain…”Kagome let her voice trail off. Inuyasha thought about her words for a moment before answering.

“I decided a long time ago that I wasn't going to go with her into hell, Kagome. I do feel…something…for her, but if it came down to choosing which one of you to live or to die, in the end I'd pick you…” He stood up and offered her his hand. Kagome didn't hesitate in taking it, even though his claws could have easily ripped her frail human hand to pieces.

“Do you really mean that? You promise that you're never going to leave me? Even if you could? Even for…her?” she peered up into his eyes, hoping that those pools of burnt gold would reveal the truthfulness of his words.

“I promise to stay with you forever. Even if I have the chance to leave you.” He leaned in and lightly kissed her lips, “Now are you finally ready to wake up, koi?” Kagome blinked at him calling her dear but decided not to say anything. She felt his strong arms wrap around her and she laid her head against his shoulder.

“When we go back I probably won't be able to see will I?”

“Probably not.”

“Oh. Well I guess I'm ready to go then.” She felt him tighten his grip around her for a moment before she was overwhelmed by the sense that she was falling down a long tunnel.

 

 

TBC

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AN: there was a lot of symbolism in this chapter…so for those of you that have trouble seeing the picture within the picture I have a “Handy-Dandy Guide to Kagome's Dream World” for you!! Lets all have a round of applause for the dutiful light author.

 

Kagome's/ Inuyasha's Souls: Because I couldn't come up with a better term for it I called them souls. In reality, the terms Superego or alter ego would be more precise. The only way I can think to explain in (other than the robe analogy) is part the recycled soul's theory and part genetic character trait theory. When you're born you “inherit” a soul that has already been used countless times. This is the person you are, with a few modifications for life experience. But as a baby you can't be a fully grown person, so you evolve to fit your soul. I hope I've explained this so that everyone can understand.

 

The Reason Kagome woke up in “Perfect World”: Because, just like her soul/alter ego said Kagome has always wondered, deep down, what would have happened if she hadn't have fell down the well on her 15th birthday. Also in relation to this, the reason Kagome's alter ego gets angry when questioned in the sakura blossom scene is because Kagome herself still had to come to terms with some things before she could totally put aside her anger over missing out on the `perfect life'

 

The Inuyasha Doll: Inuyasha's and Kagome's relationship is complex. It's the “More than friends less than lovers” kinda thing. By turning Inuyasha into a doll she was simplifying her relationship with him to a more basic child-like affection. Much like a little girl would have for a baby doll.

 

The Inuyasha Manga: Kagome sometimes feels like her life is out of a story book (and with good reason) so her subconscious mind turned those larger-than-life elements of her life into a story.

 

Kagome's monster friends and the fight to keep her in school: This is a continuation of the first dream sequence chapter. (See chapter 2) In Inuyasha's dream, Kagome shows him just why school means so much to her. In this chapter, even though there are exams that day, Kagome still left to go home to find out what was up with these feelings she was having for her doll. Inuyasha became more important than school. Her friends represented her anxiety over school.

 

The Sakura Field: Each blossom represented in part, all the lives that the Soul of Kagome (SoK) had lived, and all the dreams that each person had dreamed. When SoK says that she's always has liked sakura blossoms it was her way of saying that in every life she's had lots of dreams. A sakura blossom also represents how fleeting life can be. So what this scene is trying to show is that life and dreams come and go quickly. Kagome isn't sure what her desires are while in this world, just like she is uncertain in her heart just what world she belongs in. By the time she leaves this scene, though, she's figured out what her dreams for the future are.

The Storm at the End of the Sakura Scene: See The Reason Kagome woke up in “Perfect World”

The Doll Grows: This symbolizes Kagome's realization that her love for Inuyasha isn't a child's love. She realized that she could no longer keep her feelings for him simple, but that they would be complex no matter what she did.

Umm…Just whose head are we in?: I didn't have Kagome and Inuyasha have perfect knowledge of where they were at…and all they could come up with was the “We're in someone's head” theory. SoI (Soul of Inuyasha) Didn't really argue with that concept, only telling them that they were in a junction of their souls. For those of you that would like to know exactly where the hell they were I'll tell you. Think of it as a variation of the dimensions theory. Or better yet, think of it on terms of the Astral Plane. Kagome and Inuyasha were in a plane of existence that only exists inside of them. Kind of like having an IN TO body experience instead of an OUT OF body one.

Other things to note: Inuyasha never promises in the end that he won't leave Kagome for Kikyou… He didn't do this on purpose though, he's still a little uncertain about the whole thing and like he said, he still feels something for her, and he won't be able to completely promise himself to Kagome until he deals with his unresolved feeling for Kikyou.

 

Previous chapters that I forgot to point out: In chapter 8 Kagome thinks about there being something significant about a red cord, but she can't remember. A red cord is said to link people destined to be together. It's just one of those small signs that reaffirms that the paring of this fic is definitely Inu/Kag.