InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The World Through His Eyes ❯ Ode to the Dying Rose pt. 2 ( Chapter 19 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Disclaimer: My ownership of Inuyasha has been disclaimed

AN: Well, four years to the day, I published the first chapter of this story. It has been a wild, long ride since then. I sincerely thank all those who have stuck with me from the beginning, and all those who have joined sometime along the journey. I also send out thanks to all those who will read this in the future. This story has come to mean more to me than it ever should have. It has a piece of my soul as surly as Kagome has a piece of Inuyasha's.

I'd also like to thank all the many beta's that have worked on this story over the years. Julie started the work and Archer finished it up. AidbiA was somewhere in the middle. There were probably others and I feel terrible for not remembering everyone that helped make this story the success that it had become. I'm so sorry that I lost touch with all of you. Thank you for putting up with this unworthy one.

And now…the story…

::RECAP::

“Rejoice Inuyasha! Soon you will be able to experience the pleasure that only a wom---Ouch!” Miroku spoke up from his place beside Kirara and Sango. Before he could blink or Sango could punch him, Inuyasha's fist had connected with one side of his head, and a rock from Sesshomaru had left its mark on the other. Sango lowered her raised hand to her side. The brothers had done a much better job than she could. For his part, Miroku felt the sudden need to sit down and wait for the dizziness to pass.

As for Inuyasha and Sesshomaru, they had both just realized that for possibly the first time in their lives they had acted in unity without being forced too. Sesshomaru abruptly decided to go collect Rin from the clutches of the fox brat, while Inuyasha could only stare at his hand and try not to whimper.

“This Sesshomaru will send Jaken tomorrow to collect your payment.” Kagome tried to protest that she didn't even know what he wanted yet, but she was ignored.

“Well…that was interesting.” Sango spoke up for the first time as she kneeled down to check Miroku's pupils for signs of a concussion. Kagome was sure that it was the understatement of the century.

He wanted to ask just what Sesshomaru had been teaching her but Rin impatiently turned the page and pointed to something else before demanding an explanation for what it was.

He explained about cars, tall buildings, computers and lots of other things. When she asked about things he wasn't sure of he made things up. Both of them were so engrossed with what they were doing that they didn't hear Sesshomaru approaching until he was right on top of them. The youkai lord raised his eye-brow at how guilty they looked when they finally noticed his presence. He'd actually been standing there for quite awhile and he had a few questions he wanted to ask Rin when they got back to their camp.

“Come,” he commanded and at her show of reluctance he offered a small reassurance, “We shall return tomorrow.” This declaration had Rin bouncing up and away from Shippou but she turned around and hurriedly wrenched his book from his grasp.

“I'm going to borrow this, okay?” and then she was off again. Running right up to the Youkai lord and grasping his remaining hand. As Shippou watched them walk away he couldn't help but feel that he might have told Rin more than he should about his adopted mother.

“And what will you do Miroku?” He didn't have to ask what she was talking about.

“I'll go wherever you go.” Miroku answered without turning around and then disappeared into the house. Sango was still sitting outside when Inuyasha and Kagome came in two hours later.

The fire and its mysteries had died out long before then.

::END RECAP::

Chapter 18 part 2: Ode to a Dying Rose

~_~_~_~_~_~

"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies."

-Aristotle
~_~_~_~_~_~

When she had been a small child, barely old enough to understand the concept of next week, let alone phrases like, “When you grow up what do you want to be?”, she had always said she wanted to be a ballerina astronaut who cured cancer. When she was a little older, and could understand, basically, that she was being asked to plot out her entire future, she had baulked at the implications that small, seemingly innocent, question carried. How was she supposed to know what she wanted to do? Wasn't she too young to decide things like that? What if she chose wrong?

Oh Kami-sama, what is she chose wrong!?!

But then she fell down a magical well and lost part of her soul and all of her heart in the process. Now Kagome wondered if maybe the reason she could never figure out what she wanted to do with her life, even when everyone around her was so sure, was because her future wasn't destined to be normal. She wouldn't grow up to be a doctor, or a teacher, or a housewife. No, her future was with this man. She would grow old with this man.

Somehow, she liked these odds better.

Yet, it was never that simple with them. Ever. One would think that after sharing a hunk of soul for so long that this thing between them would not be so hard. That upon finding out the solution to all their resent problems, they would just smoothly flow in to each others arms and let nature run it's course.

Yet, here they sat, up in a tree yet again, listening to the sound of night insects and looking at anything but each other. Even with the shared knowledge of what had almost happened the night before it was still awkward. As Kagome slanted a look at him from the corner of her eye she came to the realization that it would always be like this for them. They might share a little bit of soul, might love each other with a desperation that shocked even themselves, but knowing this didn't change who they were in their core.

It was their juxtapositions, their sharp edges, that drew them together.

She understood that they would eventually be comfortable about this new information but that day would probably not be today. Today, the reality of just how much this would change them, and their relationship, lay heavy on their minds. This would truly bind them together forever, with absolutely no hope of ever turning back. This wasn't a spell that went out of their control. This was their choice.

And they both realized what this choice would do to Kikyou. What little bit of soul that Kagome and Kikyou shared would cease to exists with this act. It was one thing to swear that he would choose Kagome over Kikyou, but it was another to know that his actions would snuff out what little bit of life she had left.

“We really have to talk about all of this, you know. Just because we know what the other is thinking isn't an excuse to just sit here stuck in our own heads.” Kagome turned on the branch so that she was straddling it and facing Inuyasha. He shook his head as if to dislodge tenaciously clinging thoughts and looked over at her. He smiled reluctantly and reached out to push some stray hair behind her ear, but changed his mind when he felt it's softness. Instead he just held it between his figures and played with if for a moment while he gathered his scattered thoughts.

“Kinda kills the mood, doesn't it.” He referred to what he had previously been thinking. Kagome didn't try to act like she didn't know what he was talking about. It wasn't worth the effort.

“Yeah, a little bit. But Inuyasha we should have seen this coming, you know? We knew that the spell was turning us into mates, so this should have been the logical conclusion.” She smiled ruthfully over at him as she scooted closer. He returned her smile and reached over to pull her into his lap. He turned her so that her back rested against his chest, and then leaned back so he could rest against the trunk behind him. This was a familiar position for them, and they both took comfort from the same-ness of it. Kagome sighed after a moment and snuggled in closer to him. Inuyasha in turn wrapped his arms even tighter around her and echoed her sigh.

“You know, this doesn't change anything, don't you? I realized, not too long ago, that none of this was my fault. I'm not happy about what's happening to her, Inuyasha, but I can't be sorry about it any more…” Kagome stiffened slightly as she said this, wondering how Inuyasha would react to her truthfulness.

“Feh, it took you long enough to come to that conclusion. I was beginning to think you were stupid or something.” His words would have made her angry if he hadn't pressed a kiss to her brow afterwards, “I was serious when I told your mother that I loved you, and that I would choose you over her. I…I just need…” Dear kami-sama, he didn't even know what he needed. Just that there was the small, but still painful, wound in his heart where Kikyou used to be, and although he was certain that he didn't love her anymore, and hadn't for a long time, it was still there.

“So, we're going to leave tomorrow, huh?” She asked, her voice sounding a little strained and a little tired, but accepting, “Right after Sesshomaru names his price? I hope Shippou is okay with staying behind because I don't think this is the kind of trip he belongs on.” Inuyasha felt his ears give an involuntary twitch as he tried to figure out where Kagome thought they were going. His confusion rumbled deep in his chest like a growl, but different. Kagome laughed at him, but waited for him to ask his question out loud before answering it. This caused the confused sound in his chest to turn into a real growl. It annoyed him that she refused to respond to his wordless thoughts.

“I've told you before, Inuyasha, we have to actually talk to one another.” She poked the arm that was wrapped around her waist as she said this for good measure and Inuyasha nipped at her ear lightly in reproof. He decided to play along instead of sulking because this conversation could have gone so very badly, but it hadn't, and for that he was eternally grateful to whatever deity had made it all possibly.

Even the shitty things. At this point he was even thankful for those.

“Okay, Koishii, just where are we going and why aren't you going to insist on dragging the kit with us?” He could literally feel her smile in his very bones. It was slightly sad, but carried enough love and contentment to make up for that.

“We're going to find Kikyou so you can say goodbye,” she didn't really pause long enough for him to balk at the idea, although she could feel that he was getting ready too, “You've never gotten to properly say anything to her, much less goodbye. You need this, whether you admit it or not.” To her the issue was closed for discussion, but Inuyasha wasn't so convinced.

“But Kagome, the well and Shippou---“

“No, Inuyasha, don't worry about that now. Everything else can wait for this. The jewel shards, Naraku, getting Shippou down the well and into my time, everything can wait. This is what you need, and I'm not worried anymore about who you'll choose,“ here she paused for a moment so that she could turn slightly and meet his eyes. She wanted him to understand that she was completely honest about this. Wanted him to see it in her eyes and feel it echoing through their shared connection. The truth that they had spent so much of their time, until recently, dancing around. “I know that you belong to me…and anyway, after you say goodbye you can finish what you started last night…” she left the sentence hanging as he began to growl for an entirely different reason.

He didn't argue the point with her any farther because he knew deep down that she was right. He'd never gotten to actually say goodbye to Kikyou at all. Closer had never existed for either of them, just a fifty year time skip between bad situations. Maybe the act of letting go would finally heal the ripe in the bottom of his heart. At this thought Kagome shifted a little in his lap and placed a kiss to the side of his mouth. He smirked down at her as if to ask if that was the best that she could do and then picked her up and spun her around so that her back was no longer to his chest. Inuyasha then proceeded to show her what a proper kiss felt like.

It was late when then they finally made their way back to Kaede's hut. Kagome helped Sango up from her place by the fire, and both young women stumbled inside to find their sleeping spots. Inuyasha stayed outside to sleep on the roof.

It was just better for his resolve that way.

Kagome would have loved to say that she woke up thinking that this was the first day of the rest of her life, but she didn't. Instead she woke up thinking about how much she'd missed snuggling up to Inuyasha last night, and how, even though she hadn't slept out on the roof last night, her bones felt like they had. Her next few thoughts were a muddle of cursing the spell and a whole lot of other things. Shippou landing in the middle of her chest interrupted her grumblings and catapulted her firmly into wakefulness. She reached for him automatically, needing to stop his bouncing on her spleen.

`Thanks Inuyasha. This is just how I wanted to wake up.'

`Feh, just think about it as payback for all those “sits” you inflicted on me.'

“You have to get up now because everyone is waiting for you to get up so that we can have breakfast.” He bounced a little in her hold as if to drive home the urgency that was meal time, “Kaede-bachan says that we can't eat with out you because this will be the last family meal for a while. Inuyasha says that that's a stupid thing to say but I think that Sango might have cried a little when Kaede-bachan said it….” Kagome had sat up fully while he was rattling on and she noticed that there was a certain stiffness in the way he was holding his body and she wondered what was going on in his head. She also noticed that he wasn't looking her in the eye either and wondered if he was feeling guilty about some prank that he was thinking of pulling or if he was upset with her for deciding to leave him behind.

One of her questions was answered when Shippou stopped for a quick breath before continuing on with what he had been saying and Kagome felt badly about having tuned him out the moment before, “I just wanted to tell you not to worry about me. I know that you and Inuyasha will come back for me and that we'll always be a family, so don't worry that I'll be sad, okay?” He patted her cheeks with his little hands and kissed her on the cheek. Kagome couldn't help but pull him closer and burry her face in his hair. He squirmed a little but otherwise let her hug him close.

Just for saying that Shippou was automatically forgiven for any mischief that he might be planning.

Kagome wondered absently just what she'd done in her former life to deserve all the good things she'd been given in this one. A flash of Kikyou's sad smile appeared in her mind's eye for just a second before it was gone. She squeezed Shippou for just a moment more before letting him go. The small kitsune was up off her lap in a flash and heading out of the room, still talking a mile a minute, this time about his future brothers and sisters and what he was going to teach them. All of the awkward stiffness that she had attributed to guilt when he'd first pounced on her was gone and Kagome wondered absently if she'd imagined it all. Somewhere in the other room Shippou was loudly naming the twenty brothers and sisters he was going to have and Kagome sighed, knowing exactly who had put that thought into his head. She decided right then and there to let Inuyasha teach Miroku's future children all the swear words he wanted. And she didn't care at this point how mad Sango would be about that.

Inuyasha stepped into the room a few minutes later, just as she was pulling on a clean shirt, looking harassed and a little stiff. She smiled at him and walked into his open arms.

“I'm going to kill the monk for putting that idea into his head.” He growled into her ear as he pulled her close. Kagome just laughed, knowing that he wouldn't.

“I missed you.” She whispered right before he claimed her lips in a slow kiss.

“Hmm…I missed you too.” He gave her another quick peck then turned her toward the door, “Everyone's waiting on you in there, and if you don't hurry Miroku will answer Shippou's “Where do baby's come from” question.” Kagome didn't have to be told twice to get a move on.

The main room of Kaede's hut was warm from the breakfast fire and filled with all sorts of interesting smells that Kagome had never been exposed to in the future. She realized suddenly just how much this time had become a part of her, and she was glad she'd decided to stay here. Inuyasha squeezed her hand at that thought but didn't say anything as he moved by her to sit beside Sango, who had a sleepy looking Kirara in her lap. Kagome noticed that Miroku had Shippou in his lap, whispering suspiciously into his ear. Kagome quickly walked over a lifted the boy in her arms, while Miroku tried to look as innocent as possible. Before an argument could start up, Kaede cleared her throat and motioned for Kagome to sit down.

“It's been awhile since we all ate together and since most of the people in the village pay me for my services as their priestess with food…”Kaede just spread her hands as the finish of her sentence, and they all laughed. Kagome noticed that Sango was being more quiet than normal, but didn't say anything as she sat down on the girl's other side. If Sango wanted to talk about what was going through her head, she would, and Kagome would be ready to listen when the time came.

“So, I guess that after Sesshomaru comes you two will be gone for a few days?” Miroku asked slyly as he dished up some of the rice Kaede had fixed. He passed the filled bowl to Sango with a wink and the girl blushed, but took the food.

“Yeah well, while we're gone don't think you can just sit on your ass, Monk. I need you and Sango to go off after the next shard rumor.” Inuyasha took the bowl that Kagome gave him and didn't even wait for chopsticks before he started shoving bits of fish and rice into his mouth.

“No, I think that Sango and I will be staying here until you get back.” Miroku ate his first bit of breakfast much slower, actually taking the time to chew. There was something about the way he did it though, that told Kagome that the deliberate movement of his jaw had little to do with food.

“Do I have to explain to you—“

“How important it is for us to find the shards before Naraku? No, Inuyasha, you don't. But Sango and I are tired. We've been going out constantly since all of this began, to take up your slack, and we're tired.” He continued in a softer tone, before Inuyasha could start cursing him, or worse, for his words. “I understand that you've been doing what you had to do to keep Kagome safe. Let me do the same for Sango by letting her rest.”

“Feh” this was, of course, Inuyasha's patent response when he couldn't find a reasonable argument, and Miroku took it as the consent it was. He leaned over Kagome so that he could catch Sango's attention.

“So what do you want to do for our vacation, dear Sango?” he waggled his eyebrows up and down in a suggestive fashion, and got hit in the forehead with a clump of rice for his trouble. Everyone laughed at the expression on his face, and the tension in the room broke. Soon they were all talking as if they had never been separated from each other, filling the small hut with laughter and friendly banter. Kaede smiled secretly to herself as all the noisy washed over her. She would be lonely when they all left her home to go out a fight again, but for now she would savor this feeling of having a house full of family.

Sango and Kagome had just finished washing the last of the breakfast dishes in the big clay basin that Kaede kept outside for such tasks when Inuyasha raised his head and sniffed the air. He dropped out of the tree next to the hut and turned toward his forest.

“Inuyasha?” Kagome asked, even though she knew what his actions meant.

“He's here, but he's not coming any closer to the village. We have to go out there to meet him. Stupid arrogant bastard always trying to make me fucking come to him.”

“We're coming with you.” Sango's statement left no room for argument as she grabbed Hiraikotsu from it's resting place against the side of the hut. Kirara mewed her agreement as Miroku just smiled and shifted his staff a little so that the rings jingled.

“You do all know that we're not going to war, right?” Kagome asked as she eyed the militant grins on their faces. She was a little worried that all the bottled frustrations from the last few months were about to explode all over the forest outside of the village and she wasn't sure that she would be powerful enough to stop the impeding doom.

“Yeah, but if he asks for something you both aren't willing to pay, we'll be ready.” Sango answered. Kagome couldn't think of a good argument against that reasoning so she didn't say anything, just went over to where Shippou was playing in the dirt with his new toy car and Mame-chan and picked him up. She just knew that this meeting was going to be bloody and she wanted to be able to know where her adopted son was at all times in the midst of the chaos.

`It's not going to be that bad, wench. Stop over exaggerating.'

“Lead the way” she motioned to Inuyasha, ignoring the snickers she was hearing in her head. “The sooner we go the sooner we can get back.”

Shippou stayed quiet in her arms the whole way into the forest, and Kagome began to wonder if maybe he really had been acting oddly this morning. He normally talked a mile a minute about whatever popped into his head even when the group was walking into the jaws of certain death. This new quietness was beginning to worry her.

“Are you okay, Shippou-chan?” She asked him softly, so that no one else would hear. The kit looked up at her with guilty eyes and just shook his head. Now that she thought about it, he'd been quiet during breakfast too. She stopped walking and boosted him up in her arms so that they would be eye to eye. She wondered what would be so bad as to cause him this much guilt and mentally she was kicking herself for not noticing his distress until now.

“Come on, you can tell me.” She cajoled, worried a little at the tears in the corners of his eyes. “It can't be that bad.” She watched the build up of emotion on his face and in the back of her mind noted that the others in their party had stopped too. The emotion came to a head as tears and sobs burst out of him in a violent volcano of distress.

“Yes it can! I accidentally told Rin everything!” He wailed, sniffing a bit at the end. Kagome felt dread well up inside her at his words. The implications of his words were astounding. She felt the color drain from her face as her legs shook a bit. Maybe, she disparately grabbed at the few straws she had left available to her, maybe he doesn't mean everything.

“What do you mean, everything?” Hoping against hope that Shippou was over exaggerating the circumstance in his overwrought condition. She was so focused on the sobbing child in her arms that she missed the sudden tenseness that filled the air as the others in their group tightened their grips on their weapons.

“He means everything, miko, unless you have bigger secrets beyond where, or should this Sesshomaru say when, you are from.” He'd stepped out of the forest not ten foot from her, carrying Rin in his single arm as if to show all those in attendance that he came in relative peace.

“What do you want?” Kagome asked, trying to keep her voice steady in order to hide the panic welling up in her chest. What could the youkai-lord possibly do with the information he possessed? Would he want to go to the future? What would he do to her friends when he figured out that she didn't know how to make the well open up?

What if---

`Just fucking calm down! Take a deep breath and just listen to what he has to say. Damn it, you're supposed to be the rational one in this relationship, not me!'

Inuyasha's voice inside her head brought Kagome back from the edge of the panic filled abyss that she had been standing on. She took a deep breath like he'd ordered her to and then realized that she must have been hurting Shippou with the tight grip she'd had on him. Kagome slowly relaxed her grip and looked down at the still crying boy in her arms. He had obviously caught onto her distressed because he was in a huddle in her arms repeating “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.” over and over again. Kagome felt her own tears prick her eyes as she began to try to comfort him.

“It's okay baby. I'm not mad. Inuyasha and I will take care of this, I promise.” She continued to shush and sooth him, choosing to ignore the waves of disgust pouring off the youkai-lord standing just a few steps away from her. After a few minutes Shippou was calm enough for Kagome to turn her attention back to the group. She was a little surprised that no one had moved even an inch since she'd turned her attention to the child in her arms.

“If this…display…is finished we can begin negotiations. I weary of being in such close proximity to humans.” Sesshomaru gently sat Rin onto the ground, and for the first time Kagome realized that the little girl was clutching one of Shippou's school books to her chest. The youkai-lord whispered something in her ear and the little girl nodded before making her way over to Kagome. She tugged on the tail of Kagome's shirt while looking up at her.

“Can Shippou come and play with me, please?” Rin asked in her most polite voice, just as Sesshomaru-sama had instructed her to. Shippou squirmed in Kagome's hold and she automatically put him down. Rin solemnly held out her hand for the still hiccupping boy to take before leading him off into the forest a little ways. She didn't exactly know why all of the adults were so upset, but she did know that somehow she'd caused Shippou's distress and she felt bad. He was the only person close to her own age that she had any contact with and the thought of losing him as a friend made her sad.

After the children had moved far enough away as to not be a distraction, Sesshomaru motioned for the group to sit down. For the first time, Kagome realized that they were in the little clearing beside the river that she and her friends had visited for a swim not too long ago. It seems like forever ago, but in reality it had only been a matter of weeks. None of them were too interested in sitting down, but Kagome knew that if someone didn't make the first move, they'd all be here for hours just staring at each other so she made the first move. Inuyasha reluctantly followed her over to the rock she's chosen to perch on, but did not sit. Instead he stood behind her with his hands firmly planted on her shoulders. Miroku and Sango also made themselves as comfortable as was possible on neighboring rocks and they all turned to stare expectantly at Sesshomaru. For his part the youkai-lord was trying to keep his vast amusement with the situation off his face. It was surprisingly hard to do with them all focusing on him with different degrees of dread showing clearly on their faces. Well, except for Inuyasha, his face was in the same murderous set it was always in whenever Sesshomaru came to call.

Ah family.

“What do you want?” Kagome repeated her earlier question, and since she appeared, after her initial burst of panic that is, to be the more reasonable of the two he had come to talk too, he chose to answer her question.

“Information.” But of course he knew that a simple answer wouldn't work on her. He just wanted to see how long it would take her to catch on.

“Information about what?” The way she stiffened ever so slightly told him that she knew exactly what information he wanted, but was going to make him spell it out. For a moment Sesshomaru considered drawing out the game a little more, but decided that it wasn't worth his time.

“I want information about the future, miko. Rin showed me the book that you've been using to teach the kitsune about your world. I want the knowledge that will help me survive.” There, that should be plainly put enough for even Inuyasha to understand. And by the way the hanyou reacted, Sesshomaru was quite sure that his meaning had sunk in.

“There is no fucking way! Kagome would never fucking give---“

“Save your profanities, Inuyasha. I was speaking to your mate. Miko, it is fair trade don't you think? I gave you information key to your survival, and now you owe me something just as valuable.” He could see that she was thinking hard about what he had said, so he remained silent. Inuyasha, on the other hand, had begun to growl, Sesshomaru found this easy to ignore.

Kagome, for her part, was thinking about the Japanese history book that she'd carelessly forgotten in Kaede's hut the last time she'd packed her stuff for a trip to the future. She could see it so clearly laying half under a pile of discarded clothes in her corner of the sleeping room, harmlessly waiting for this moment, so that it's very presence could come back to bite her in the ass.

`Your not really thinking about giving it to him are you? Kagome, information like that isn't safe in this bastard's hands! Knowing him, he'll change things just for kicks.'

`Inuyasha, your brother isn't Naraku. Plus, even if he's the most literate person in this time, he won't be able to read what's written in my book. I think…'

`You think?!? A minute ago you were panicking! Now you want to trust the future of the world into the hands of a human-hating sadist!'

`I only panicked because I thought he was going to ask to be taken to the future and you know it. Plus, I don't think he hates humans as much as he says…he takes care of Rin, doesn't he? This is a pretty harmless request. The book I have with me doesn't cover everything in history either, and doesn't even really talk about foreign countries---'

“If you both are finished conversing in you heads, I would like to be on my way sometime within the next few thousand years.” Sesshomaru's dead pan voice brought Inuyasha and Kagome out of their discussion. Kagome felt Inuyasha give her shoulders a squeeze that she interrupted as consent for what she was about to do even if he wasn't happy about it.

“I do have a book that tells about the future of Japan, but before I give it to you, you have to give me your word that you will not try to change what happens. There are some nasty things in the future, but you can't change any of it. Do you understand?” Kagome did her best to pin him down with her eyes, but she got the feeling that however effective this look was on Inuyasha, his brother was immune.

“I could care less about what horrible things you humans dream up to do to each other. I only care about myself and what is mine.” Sesshomaru ignored the look she was giving him. As if he would be cowed by a weak human. The very though was insane.

“Your word.” Kagome insisted that he say the actual words, instead of just implying his intent to follow them.

“This Sesshomaru gives you his word that he will not interfere with the future of humanity. I will only use the knowledge that you are giving over to me to protect myself and my interest. I will, furthermore, guard said knowledge with my life so that it does not fall into disreputable hands.” He raised his eyebrow at the end of his vow as if to ask if she was happy now and Kagome nodded.

“Well, now that that has been taken care of I will take my leave. Send Rin out of the village with the book and I will find her. Inuyasha, remember what I said about your first born child. I will not make this journey because of your incompetence again.” Without a backward glance Sesshomaru turned and started off into the woods, going in a direction that would let him circumvent the village without being seen. Kagome waited until he was almost out of ear shot before she called out to him one last time.

“I forgot to mention that you won't be able to read the book, didn't I?” The sound of the youkai-lord stumbling somewhere off in the forest was worth every bit of panic that she'd felt earlier.

It was just past noon when they finally managed to send Rin off with the thick book from Kagome tied securely on her back in a makeshift bundle. The book only really covered the last 200 years of Japanese history, but Kagome felt that it would be enough to satisfy Sesshomaru. She had more pressing things to worry about right now than whether Sesshomaru would be satisfied with their bargain for not.

Beggars can't be choosers after all.

Right now she was quickly repacking her sturdy yellow bag with the things she and Inuyasha would need on their hunt for Kikyou while the others prepared lunch in the main room.

`A few changes of clothes, my sleeping bag—`

`You won't need it'

`A flashlight, some soap, toothbrush—`

`Don't forget the ramen!'

`Some bandages…who am I kidding, we'll probably need the whole first aid kit—`

`No we won't. Just pack ramen.'

`I am not just packing ramen! And I'm packing my sleeping bag! So there!' If Kagome could mentally stick her tongue out she would have.

`Fine, fine do what you want, but I'm not carrying it for you this time. If you fill it full of heavy shit then you have to tout it.'

She could tell by the smugness of his mental tone that he thought he'd won. Kagome was content with letting him think that too. She continued to pack her bag with all the things that she thought they would need, because she knew that he would carry her bag for her eventually when he got tired of how slow she was walking. She gave him twenty minutes tops after the trip started before his impatient won out.

Just as she was shoving the last bit of necessity into her bag and strapping it closed the door covering drew back and Sango came into sight carefully balancing two bowls of miso soup and some rice left over from the morning. Kagome hurried over to help her with her burden and Sango smiled in thanks. The girls took their seat among the toys, discarded items from Kagome's bag, and halfheartedly rolled up bedding, and felt quite at home among the chaos. Kagome felt that Sango might finally be ready to talk about what had been bothering her for the last few days, so she quietly ate her meal and waited.

“Have you ever thought about the future…I mean what will happen to all of us if we survive Naraku?” Sango asked as she gazed intently into her soup. Kagome was caught off guard by the question and had to think a bit before answering. She thought about how she's always dreaded questions about the future, but realized that for the first time in her life she could actually answer Sango's question with the truth.

“Well, before all…this…happened, I thought that once Naraku was defeated I would have to go back home forever. I never let myself consider that the well would stay open after my purpose was served. I thought I'd have to dig around in some dusty old library, praying for any scrap of written record I could fine, in order to find out what happened to all of you after I left. Now…now everything is different and I know that I'll never be cut off from the people I love. But because there have been so many things going on lately I haven't been able to think about any thing farter off then tomorrow.” Kagome looked up from her rice and noticed that she had Sango's undivided attention. She shifted, a little uncomfortable with the close observation but pressed on with what she was saying, sensing that Sango needed to hear what she had to say.

“I…I want this.” She indicated the messy room with a sweeping motion of her chopsticks.

“A messy room?” Sango asked. She was a little confused about Kagome's meaning.

“Yes…well, maybe not quite this messy. What I mean is, after Naraku is gone and we've all healed up, I want a house like this one, filled with chaos and mess and friendship. I want my children to play with your children. I want all that is good and happy in my life to continue being good and happy.”

“But, you know that I can't stay here. I've got to go back to my village and rebuild it. You and Inuyasha will have to stay by the well. What if…What if after Naraku dies we all go our separate ways and never see each other again?” Sango's voice had a desperate edge, and Kagome thought that they had finally arrived at the heart of her friend's distress. She realized that to Sango, who had already had one family wrench away from her, the thought of separating from this makeshift one was agonizing. Kagome searched for the right words, but couldn't seem to find them. Everything she thought up sounded trite and fake and full of forced cheer, so she did the only thing that she could think of. She put her now cold soup down beside her and reached out for the other girl. Sango let herself be hugged although she didn't much participate in the gesture. She just slumped into Kagome and tried not to cry.

“I don't know the future, Sango and I can't tell you what you really want to hear, that nothing will change, and that no matter what happens after Naraku we'll all just stay as we are now. But what I can tell you is that the family bond between us now will never go away. You will always be my sister, not because of blood, and not because we've gone threw so much together, but because I choose it. No matter what happens, or where we both end up building our homes, we will always be there for each other.” By now both girls were crying and Sango was no longer limp in Kagome's arms. It was as if she thought that if she relaxed her hold on the other girl for even a moment that Kagome would disappear.

“I…I was just so…s-so scared that e-everyone would leave me.” It was all that Sango could manage to choke out and Kagome waited for her to continue, loosing her grip a bit so that Sango could sit back a little.

“Miroku told me almost the same thing that you just did, but I had to hear it from you. If…something h-happens and K-Kohaku doesn't m-m-make it you all will be the only family I have. I can't bear to loose everyone I care about again.” Kagome shifted around on the messy floor until she found the small bag of tissue that she had discarded from her bag. She tore open the plastic and pulled out a few for herself and then passed the bag to Sango. They sat in companionable silence for a while, with only the occasional sniff to mark the passing of time before Kagome started to get up and reach for her packed bag. Sango looked at her questioningly and Kagome ruthfully smiled.

“Inuyasha says that if we're through crying he'd like to get going.”

“Oh. Did he say it that nicely?”

“Well no, but that's how he meant it. I just had to interrupt the swear words right.” They both shared a laugh at this and Sango went over to help Kagome carry her things outside. At the door, though, Kagome paused. She looked over at Sango with a serious expression in her eyes and asked a question that she'd been wanting too throughout the entire conversation.

“Do you really want to rebuild your old village, or are you only planning to because you feel obligated to the memory of your father? “ At Sango's startled expression, Kagome assumed that the other girl had never thought about it that way.

“Just think about it okay? Sometimes it's okay to just say goodbye, you know?” Kagome gave Sango one last quick hug and then went out the door lugging her very full yellow bag. Needless to say, Sango had a lot to think about.

It was on the morning of their second day of traveling that Inuyasha spotted the lone soul-stealer circling in the distance. At almost the same moment Kagome felt a sharp pain in her chest, but gritted her teeth against it. Yet even as she took another step she knew it wasn't going to be possible for her to continue on. Her knees shook to the point of buckling and she had to grab the back of Inuyasha's haori to keep herself up right. He finally tore his eyes away from the circling youkai and glanced down at her. He became aware of her pain at that moment and hated himself for not noticing sooner.

“Shit Kagome! What's—“

“It's being this close to her. It wasn't this bad last time…but I guess it's gotten-,”she had to stop for a deep breath in order to fight down the pain induced nausea, “-worse with t-t-time. Just go on. I'm going to m-move back a few feet to see if that helps.” She began to crawl back a little but was suddenly scooped up in Inuyasha's arms. In a few leaps she felt the pain let up and she told him to put her down.

“But you're still in pain. I'm going to take you as far away as I have to.” but he did stop and looked uncertain when Kagome placed her hand on his cheek.

“You have to leave me here, Inuyasha. If you take me father away, then we'll have this same problem because Kikyou will be out of the range of our bound. I'll be okay.” And she meant it. And he knew that she meant it. That she was giving him the opportunity t say goodbye to his old love even though it was hurting her in more than one way, that she was just that sure about their relationship. He didn't have time at the moment to think about how far they'd come or how far they would eventually go. He just looked deep into her eyes, then kissed her roughly, pouring all his thankfulness and love and guilt and sadness into it.

Then he was gone.

And all Kagome could do was press her fingers to her swollen lips and hope.

The wind was carrying little bits of her away. Something about that just seemed poetic. It was as if she had been cremated while she was still conscious and left awake while her ashes were being scattered to the fore winds. For a moment each tiny grain that flew away was an extension of her consciousness and she was flying with it away from her dilapidated body, then, in the blink of an eye the connection she had with the grain was over, and she was grounded again. Kikyou laughed at her own foolishness, only to have her laughter turn into dry hacking. She could feel more and more of her insides crumbling as she shook and knew that she didn't have much time left. She had sent her last faithful follower away this morning, in the hope that it would find Inuyasha before her time was completely up. She did not even let herself consider the possibility that he wouldn't come.

She knew that he wouldn't be coming to save her, for she was weeks, possibly years, past saving. But she needed to say goodbye.

The sharp pain that filled her chest and stopped her breathing was a welcome relief. Kagome was near by and where Kagome was Inuyasha was sure to follow. It wouldn't be too late, not this time. They wouldn't miss this chance. It would be okay, it would be peaceful this time…

Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that her thought process was degrading. That she should be angrier about what was happening to her. About the unfairness of dying twice…but she just didn't have the energy for that any more. It was all she could do to just keep herself held together as it was.

“Kikyou?” It was his voice and she wondered how he could have gotten this close without her hearing him. All she could see of him from where he stood was a blur of red and silver and she motioned for him to come closer.

“Inu-Inu…ya” coughing racked her body and she realized with a hint of sadness and irony that she had lost the ability to talk and just when she had so much she desperately wanted to say too. Inuyasha came closer to her and his features sharpened. She could see the helplessness and pain in his eyes and tried to imagine what she must look like to him. One of her arms was gone, and she knew that her chest had collapsed inward during one of her coughing fits. He hovered over her, as if afraid to touch her, Kikyou wished he would, because she knew that even the slightest pressure of his hand would send her…on.

“I'm so sorry Kikyou. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.” She wondered if that was the only thing he was going to say. Of all the things that she wanted to hear right now, this was not it.

“Not…sor…ry!” She managed to push out past the clogging grit and the desire to just give in to the pulling sensation.

“Don't talk now, please! Just stay still and I'll…” But he didn't know how to finish that sentence and she knew it too. She wanted to tell him that life was full of choices and no one could have it both ways. You lived or you didn't. You loved someone or you didn't. It was all quite clear to her now.

“Lov…d…” She had so much to tell him, why did it have to be this way? She would've cried if she'd had the moisture left in her body.

“I loved you too. I really did.” There were tears in his eyes although none on his cheeks but she could still see them glittering there at the corners. She tried to smile to let him know that everything was going to be okay, and that she understood, but her face broke a little and she had to stop.

“K..ss…g…d…by…e” She didn't know if that had even come out coherently, but she knew that she didn't have time anymore. There was no time to say all the things she wanted to say, no time for anything anymore but this last request. Inuyasha must have understood because he took a deep breath and leaned in. She could see that he was shaking badly, but she didn't care. Those tears that had threatened to fall where cascading, but she didn't care. All she was waiting for was…

pressure on her lips…

moisture on her crumbling cheek…

And she let go. For a moment she was everywhere and Inuyasha was breathing some of her in…

Kikyou was no more.

Kagome felt it when it happened. Felt the build up in her chest and then the release. Felt an incredible sadness mingled with guilt and acceptance coming from Inuyasha and knew that he was going to be okay. On shaking limbs she stood up and began to sit up camp. This spot was as good as any, and she just didn't think that Inuyasha would be up for any more traveling today. On autopilot she began to set out the things that they would need. Ramen for Inuyasha, her sleeping bag, the canteen for water…would they need a large fire or a small one? She tried her best to keep her mind away from what he was thinking. She wanted him to have the privacy to deal with this in his own way.

Was just the tiniest bit afraid of what all of this might mean for them. Was afraid that he would withdraw from her in his grief. Was afraid that he would decide to blame her.

She looked up as he came trudging into the clearing and her heart sank. His shoulders were slumped in defeat and his feet drug in the dust, hardly lifting up enough to allow him to walk. She must have dropped whatever she had in her hand, because there was a soft `thump' on the ground and his head shot up. Their eyes met in that instant and she felt something change between them. His eyes lit up and slowly, ever so slowly, his shoulders came back up. Between one blink and the next he was beside her and she was in his arms and nothing mattered but that.

Nothing existed out side of the kisses and the whispers and the relief and the guilt.

Kagome tried to put as much comfort as she could into her touches, tried to reassure him that none of this was his fault, tried to make him understand that she loved him more than anything in this world or the next. And slowly, softly, the touches changed into something more. Something lasting. Something real. Inuyasha's kisses left her lips and went into almost unexplored territory. The moan that escaped her throat surprised even herself, but she didn't have time to think about it as more and more feelings overwhelmed her. The feeling of his lips on her breast, of his teeth scraping against the bend of her knee, of his claws pricking the tender flesh of her back. And then they were joined in a way that was inescapable. Inside each other, barely existing outside of the other.

Kagome didn't think about the fact that her first time was out in the open air on the hard ground. Or that it was uncomfortable and awkward at times and over a little too soon. All she cared about was that this was real. This was real and she was finally complete.

Afterwards, as they lay in a pile of tangled limbs and afterglow she smiled against his chest and placed a soft kiss there.

“Hmmm…I really didn't plan for that to happen here of all places. Sorry.” His voice was rough from their previous activities, and it made Kagome smile.

“No, it was good. Memorable even. Something to embarrass our children with later.” She laughed a little at the growl that rumbled up in his chest, and then had to catch her breath at the sensations that rumbling was creating for her. Her nipples tightened and she squirmed around a bit, only to realize that they were still joined together at the center. Her eyes met his and the fire smoldering in them was almost enough to burn her to a crisp. The kiss that they shared this time was completely different from the kisses they had shared previously. It was slow and hot and indolent and every nerve ending that she had was standing on end. And after that she didn't have any coherent thoughts to spare…

Kagome awoke to the predawn air chilling her naked flesh and Inuyasha cursing loudly somewhere off to her left. The sight of a dusty whorl-wind headed toward their camp answered her question before she could even ask it. With frantic movements she searched for her discarded clothes from the night before, wishing that they have been more careful in their haste to get naked. She found her shirt near her bag and pulled it clumsily over her head.

“Two shards.” She said with trepidation, grabbing for the skirt that had been discarded beside her sleeping bag. Inuyasha tossed her the pair of underwear she had been wearing yesterday, and she couldn't help the blush that crept up her neck.

“It's coming fast.” Inuyasha sighed in irritation as he belted his haori and reached for his discarded sword. This is not how he wanted to wake up this morning. Well, actually this was not how he wanted to wake up any morning.

“Kouga.” They both said in unison as the dust devil swirled out and left said youkai standing before them. Kouga, for his part, didn't need his nose to tell him what had happened here last night. Inuyasha's hair was disheveled and tangled more than was usual for him and Kagome had a set of interesting bruises along the side of her neck. He sneered at the thought that Inuyasha had taken Kagome out in the open like a common animal. It angered him so much that for a moment he forgot the reason that he'd come this way looking for them.

“You son of a bitch! You fucking son of a bitch!” And then he launched himself at Inuyasha with every intention of ripping off his head. Inuyasha didn't even have time to pull his sword before Kouga was on him. He let the wolf-youkai pull them both to the ground, and then used Kouga's forward momentum to send him flying. With a roll Inuyasha was up and over to Kouga, trying his best to pin the wolf down.

“Listen you ass, every time you fucking hurt me, you're hurting her!” He screamed directly into the struggling youkai's face in order to get his attention. Kouga went quite limp at this revelation, but his eyes still promised a world of pain to Inuyasha.

“I thought you were going to get that fixed…wait, is she still blind?” He craned his neck to catch a glimpse of the girl in question and Inuyasha let up on his hold just a little. He knew that Kouga wouldn't be so eager to get touchy with Kagome now that they were completely bounded. Instinct was a powerful thing in full blooded youkai.

“I got my sight back some time ago Kouga.” Kagome answered him softly from where she stood. Kouga pushed Inuyasha off of him, but made no move to get off of the ground after he had sat up. He looked so sad that for a moment Kagome felt sorry for him.

“So you've really chosen this mutt then?” He pointed over at Inuyasha, completely ignoring the growl coming from the hanyou.

“Yes.” She answered his question so simply, so surly, that he had no other choice but to give up right then and there. Kouga stood up and brushed himself off. He was careful not to meet their eyes.

“Well then, I went looking for you at that village you like to stay at. The monk told me that you had gone this way a few days ago. I…we found out where Naraku has been hiding out and I wanted to let you know about it as I headed that way.” and then he added, just in case they got the wrong idea, “It's not like I need any help killing him, I just know that more people than just me have a bone to pick with him.”

“Give us four days and we'll join you.” That was all Inuyasha said, and apparently, that was all the reassurance that Kouga needed. With just one lingering look at Kagome from over his shoulder he was off again. It only took a moment for him to be just a dust devil in the distance.

Kagome came to stand beside Inuyasha and slipped her hand into his. They faced the rising sun together in silence, waiting for the new day to truly be born. Kagome couldn't help but feel as if they were headed toward the next phase of their lives, as if last night had been the end of a chapter, and that with the sun a new one was beginning. The fight with Naraku loomed ahead of them like a dark cloud, and she worried in the back of her mind that she wouldn't have enough time to figure out how to get Shippou safely to her time. There were still a few shards at large and she knew they would need every one of them if they were going to have a hope of winning. Yet, even with all these worries hovering so ominously above their heads, she couldn't help but feel happy and hopeful. Together they could do this. Together they could defeat Naraku and live their lives to the fullest.

“Let's go home Inuyasha” she tightened her grip on his hand, “We don't have much time.”

And so they went forward to face their tomorrows.

THE END

Author's Note: Well that's over. Finally over. Four years of my life, and now I'm a little sad…

When I started this story…so many years ago…I only had two ideas in my head. I wanted to take all the clichés from the fandom and try to make a good fic out of them…and I wanted Kagome to be blind and have to depend on Inuyasha…

The only scenes in my head were one of the kissing scenes (the one where blood is involved) and the scene where Kikyou dies. This whole fic grew out of these ideas.

My writing style has changed so much…and at times the classes I was taking in college really influenced the chapters I produced….I'm surprised myself that this story has any flow at all…

Yet, here at the end of it all, I can say that I am happy with the result. I have tried my best and am proud.

I don't think that I'm going to write any more long fics…I think I'm ready to tackle my own characters and worlds now. If I ever get published I'll let you all know…

This is not to say that I'll disappear completely…One shots and short fics are things of beauty…