InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Youkai and the Exterminator ❯ Chapter ThirtySix ( Chapter 36 )

Chapter ThirtySix

 

 

Kohaku suddenly jerked awake, realizing that he'd fallen asleep. For a moment he sat still as a mouse, not recognizing his surroundings and confused by the strange feel of the air around him. Gradually, he remembered that he'd crawled into a storeroom and felt the panic in his blood start to subside.

 

He must have fallen asleep, much as he'd tried to avoid it. He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. He'd fallen asleep curled in a tight ball with his back pressed against the cold stone wall. His shoulders ached and he guessed that he'd just been lucky. No nightmares this time.

 

That was a good thing, Kohaku decided, realizing that he'd needed to sleep even if he'd been avoiding it. The boy stretched his legs and tried to work the kinks out of his sore muscles. He wondered how long he'd slept and if he'd missed dinner. Unhappily, he remembered his conversation with Makiko and thought that he owed the woman an apology for his behavior.

 

It must have been lack of sleep and the tension that had been ruling his life since his sister had left. He was wrong to treat the kind natured youkai so disrespectfully. Both she and Jano had been gentle with him, considerate and kindly. Makiko deserved more polite behavior from him at the least.

 

Kohaku.

 

He froze when he heard his name, wondering who was in here with him. It made him nervous; it frightened him that someone might have been watching him sleep. But he couldn't be sure; he listened hard and heard nothing else. Maybe it was just his nerves, his lack of sleep. He might be imagining that someone had just softly called his name.

 

Kohaku. Listen to me.

 

No mistaking it, he was not alone in the dark storeroom. "Who's there?" the boy whispered. He could remember where the door was and started to creep in that direction.

 

Kohaku. I'm here. Listen to me.

 

He recognized the voice and that's when he knew that he had completely lost his mind. He hadn't heard that voice in more than two years, not other than in his darkest nightmares. Kohaku closed his eyes and breathed deeply, trying to get himself under control. "You are not here."

 

I am.

 

His eyes opened. Something was shimmering in the darkness, growing solid before him, taking a familiar shape. Fighting the panic and doubt, Kohaku shook his head. "You aren't real. You are not my father."

 

The form was solid now, outlined by a faint glow that lit his features. Kohaku looked into his dead father's eyes and shook his head. "Go away."

 

"My son," the ghostly figure said, one hand reaching for him. "I have longed to see you."

 

Kohaku flinched away. "Don't touch me, you aren't real. You aren't my father. My father is dead."

 

The apparition wavered, seemingly in pain. "You killed me with your own hand. My poor son."

 

Kohaku was breathing too hard, too hard and too fast. He knew it. Slowly so that his shaking wouldn't be too obvious, he stood up; clinging to the stone wall like it would save him from drowning in his own torment. He couldn't even look at the glowing figure. "Leave me alone," he said, his voice hollow.

 

His father sighed, sinking to his knees. "My poor son. You have endured so much and it is my fault. I was not there when you needed me most."

 

The boy just stared at him, disbelieving. "That's not true," he whispered. "I killed you. It was my fault you died."

 

"Kohaku," his father's voice held the stern authority he remembered so well. "I know the truth. You were not ready, if I hadn't forced you into what you were not prepared for, you wouldn't have been vulnerable to that monster."

 

His sister had said as much, without criticism, without blame for either him or his father. Sango blamed only Naraku for what had happened to their family. Unfortunately, Kohaku's memories had returned to him with an ultimate, aching clarity. He knew better.

 

"It wasn't your fault, father," he said quietly. "It was Naraku; you didn't know that he was trying to trap you. I...I was just caught by him. He used me because I was the easiest to control. My weakness was not your fault."

 

A hand brushed his hair and Kohaku was startled to see his father standing before him. "You are not weak," the apparition whispered. "You were strong, strong to have survived, my son. I am so proud of you."

 

Kohaku found himself smiling shyly. "Sango said you'd say that if...if you were here."

 

His father's face wavered again, fading in and out like a flickering candle. "Your sister is right," the ghost told him. "I fear she has been made victim of a similar trap. I do not see her surviving it."

 

"Trap?" Kohaku had forgotten that he did not trust this vision, not knowing if it was his own imagination or some evil plot. "How is Sango trapped? She's not even here anymore, she's gone."

 

His father looked grieved and Kohaku grew concerned. A strange feeling was stealing over him, a blissful relaxation, almost euphoria. It was nothing more than relief; he had finally been able to hear his father say the words he needed to hear. Now his father's words were filling him with dread.

 

"How is Sango trapped?" he wanted to know. "Is she in danger?"

 

The ghostly figure nodded. "He will kill her."

 

Kohaku found he was angry, angry that his sister was in danger. "Who? Naraku? Sango won't fall into his traps, she's too smart. And she's got Miroku with her, and Kagome and Inuyasha. They'll be with her. Even Jano is with her to protect her, I heard the maids talking, and they said Sesshomaru-sama sent..."

 

"She will die at his hand."

 

His father's voice was so flat, so final. "Sesshomaru-sama?" he asked, timidly. "He was very angry at her, but he wouldn't hurt her. She's...she's going to have a baby."

 

His father's hands felt warm on his shoulders. "My dear son, your sister is very special, very strong. But she has been lied to, she has been deceived. Sesshomaru never meant for her to live. He will slay her with his own hand."

 

"But the baby," Kohaku began.

 

His father's eyes flashed, Kohaku thought he saw a hint of red. "Youkai are not like humans, Kohaku. They do not love their children; they do not love anything but their own power. Your sister was deceived into believing that thing could care for her, that he might return her feelings. I fear she has been foolish with her trust. I can only blame myself. I never taught her to resist such a skillful and devious seduction."

 

Kohaku shook his head. He didn't want to hear this; he didn't want to think about it. "It's not like that..." Wasn't it? Hadn't Sesshomaru cruelly thrown his sister aside when she went to perform her duty? Kohaku put his hand to his head, it was starting to ache.

 

"You must rescue your sister, Kohaku."

 

The boy felt a sudden pain in his chest; it felt like something was squeezing him. "What can I do, father?" he gasped, feeling even more dizzy and ill. "I...I can't protect her, I can't even protect myself."

 

The ghost of his father wavered briefly, and then became almost solid again. "I will be with you, Kohaku. I will guide you to your sister. You have to leave this fortress. Do not hesitate, you must leave."

 

The squeezing grew more intense, but Kohaku couldn't help but want to obey his father's words. "But I have to stay," he whispered. "Kagome. She trusted me. She told me to keep the shard safe. It's the last one and I can't..."

 

"The shard is more valuable that your sister's life?" Kohaku cringed at the scorn in his father's voice.

 

"Of course not," he said, shamed.

 

"Then you will take it with you and return it to the priestess. After you have saved your sister. After you have killed Sesshomaru."

 

He bowed his head. What else could he do? "Yes, father."

 

oOo

 

"How the hell," Jano said, his voice dark with suspicion, "do you know Naota?"

 

"She doesn't know him," Inuyasha said rudely before Kagome could answer. "We just met him once. Said he was my cousin but he smells like a human. And he hates Sesshomaru almost as much as I do."

 

Jano had to smile at the description. "I don't know about that. What happened between them was a long time ago. Even Naota's anger may have faded."

 

"I don't care what happened," Inuyasha snarled. "I don't give a damn about him, or Sesshomaru or what you're trying," his voice bent sarcastically, "to tell me about why my brother abandoned me after my mother died."

 

"You have to be the most stubborn ass I have ever been so unlucky to encounter," Jano said coldly, folding his arms over his chest. He glared at the hanyou. "I'm just trying to explain that you don't know..."

 

"I fucking know all I need to know," Inuyasha shouted.

 

"Not everything is about you, you selfish little prick!" Jano yelled.

 

"What the hell is going on here?" Sango had returned, her hair still hanging wet over her shoulder. Her eyes were wide as she took in the tense confrontation. "Inuyasha, why are you and Jano screaming at each other?"

 

"Just a difference of opinion," Jano said calmly.

 

"Fuck you, Jano," Inuyasha grunted. He stared fixedly at Sango for a moment then sniffed the air. His lip curled in distaste. "Guess you and your fucking mate were able to patch things up, huh?"

 

Sango actually flinched at his tone and Kagome gasped aloud. "Inuyasha," she said, sounding shocked. "Don't talk to her like that!"

 

The hanyou hadn't stopped glaring accusingly at Sango. "Why not? I guess seeing him almost strangle Miroku must have been a turn on for her. I was feeling sorry for you, Sango, but if you actually get off on the way that son of a bitch treats you, then I guess I won't bother."

 

"Inuyasha, that's enough," Miroku said. He was still in pain but Kagome's first aid had helped ease the bruises on his neck. The monk stood, leaning on his staff as he crossed the small clearing to stand between Sango and Inuyasha.

 

"You have not earned the right to judge everyone," the monk said coldly. "What is between Sango and your brother is their business alone and I for one won't stand by and watch you take out your temper on her."

 

"And the fact that she just fucked the bastard who almost tore your head off doesn't bother you?" Inuyasha asked angrily.

 

Miroku raised an eyebrow. "If it does, don't you think that's my problem and not yours?"

 

Inuyasha's face turned dark red with his anger and he opened his mouth as he took a menacing step towards the monk. Kagome jumped to her feet and planted herself between them with her hands coming up to push Inuyasha back.

 

"Stop it! What's wrong with you? Do you have to attack everyone today?"

 

She saw an expression of pain flicker in his eyes before they became cold. "You too, Kagome? I guess I'm the only who sees that son of a bitch for what he really is. Don't you get that he can only hurt her?

 

Kagome met his gaze steadily. "It's Sango's decision, Inuyasha. We can't second guess her heart."

 

"Sure," he said bitterly. "And when Sesshomaru finally kills her, I'll make sure to remind you about that."

 

"Inuyasha!"

 

He hated seeing the hurt in Kagome's eyes; he hated seeing the calmness in Miroku's face and the smug look of Jano's smile. Shippou just sat on the ground, looking frightened and confused. None of them understood it. And he didn't even want to look at Sango. Part of him was so angry with her, the other part was scared he would end up apologizing if he met her eyes now.

 

Old hurt was making his stomach twist, so many years of fear; loneliness and fury had just built up and now wanted to overflow from him in hurtful words. He didn't want to hurt Sango, or Kagome, but he didn't trust himself to say anything more about it.

 

"Whatever. Do what you want, like I really give a damn." He turned and stalked off toward the forest. It would just be best to do his thinking on his own, get his thoughts together before he managed to alienate the only friends he'd ever had and make the woman he loved ashamed of him.

 

"Hey," Kagome called out, reaching for his sleeve.

 

Gruffly, he pulled away from her before she could latch onto him. "Just leave me alone, Kagome," he muttered. "Stay with Sango, she's the one that needs some sense talked into her."

 

oOo

 

"Kohaku-kun?"

 

Rin edged her way around the doorway, staring at her friend. He was dressed in the strange black clothing she'd seen his sister wear. Sango had brought it with her when she'd come to the fortress. Kohaku had only been wearing a plain yukata when Sesshomaru-sama had brought him, sick and fevered, to Makiko's care. According to Makiko, the clothing had been dirty and worn enough that it hadn't been worth saving. Rin stared as she watched Kohaku unwrap a shiny blade and slip it into his belt.

 

"What are you doing?" the girl whispered.

 

He'd wanted to slip away without telling her. In his weeks here, he'd come to regard the young girl as a sister. It would hurt her enough that he'd disappear without telling her why. Telling her that he was on a mission to destroy her beloved Sesshomaru-sama was not something he was prepared to face.

 

"I have to go, Rin," he said, his voice dull and emotionless. "I can't stay here. My sister needs me."

 

Rin was confused. She didn't want Kohaku to leave; she hated being left here while Sesshomaru-sama was gone. It was so lonely sometimes, with Kohaku here she felt like there was someone could understand her. He was, after all, human like her.

 

As nice as the demons of the fortress were to her, not like they had much choice with her guardian being their lord, it had felt good to have someone like her living there. It made her remember when she'd had brothers to play with and a real mother and father. Kohaku had also had these things and could talk with her about it.

 

And there was more to it than that. Together, they were both under Sesshomaru-sama's protection as his sword had healed them both. And that healing created a powerful bond. Even now, Rin could feel the tingle of Tenseiga so far away. She'd never really thought about it much before, but now, having overheard conversations between Makiko and other members of the household, Rin knew that it made her and Kohaku very special. Alike in their bond to Sesshomaru-sama, something no one else could understand.

 

"I don't want you to go," Rin said at last. "You're not supposed to, I heard Jano-san say so."

 

"Jano's not here," he answered bluntly. Kohaku turned and looked at Rin, very serious. "Are you going to try to stop me?"

 

As if she could. Rin was aware that she was just a little girl and that Kohaku, for all he was a boy, knew more about fighting and defending himself than she ever would. Defiantly, she raised her chin. "I can't stop you. But I can tell Makiko. She'll put the guard to watch over you and you won't even be able to leave your room."

 

She was prepared for him to be angry with her. Instead, Kohaku's shoulders sagged. It was as if whatever he'd been using for strength had evaporated like mist and the boy fell heavily to his knees. His head was bowed and he looked so utterly dejected that Rin couldn't help herself. She rushed in and put her arms around him.

 

"Kohaku-kun," she murmured.

 

His shoulders were shaking as he tried to hold back the sobs. "Don't you understand, Rin? She's all I have left. I've failed her so many times I've lost count. I've done terrible things to her. If I can't save her now..."

 

She wanted to know why it was so urgent, what made Kohaku think he had to leave now. She couldn't think of what made him crazy to find his sister but she understood how it hurt him, how he needed to be with her. Rin didn't know what to do, but she knew what she should do.

 

She should go find Makiko immediately and tell her that something was really wrong with Kohaku. His eyes were glazed and his skin seemed hot to the touch. Maybe the fever had come back? But if she did that, he'd hate her. He'd resent her for stopping him from leaving.

 

What was she supposed to do?

 

"You won't get far," she said at last, kneeling beside him. Kohaku looked at her. "They'll find out you're missing and they'll pick you up before you get far. Sesshomaru-sama didn't say you could leave. Jano-san's men won't let you leave unless he says it's okay."

 

"I have to try," he whispered. "You didn't see it, Rin. You didn't see what is going to happen to her if I don't save her."

 

He was making no sense at all. Then it clicked in her mind. "Did you have a bad dream about your sister? I have bad dreams sometimes, but Makiko says that I just need to think about happier things and they'll go away. Maybe you should..."

 

"No!"

 

His voice was so loud it scared her and Rin flinched away from him. Kohaku pulled himself to his feet, looking wretched and miserable. "I have to try anyway, it wasn't...it wasn't just a dream, Rin. I know my sister is in danger...I have to do something about it."

 

What could he do? Rin thought for a moment and then made a snap decision. It might be wrong, but she was worried and just as Kohaku wanted to go, she also wanted to leave. Rin was tired of being left behind and if she went with him, she could keep an eye on Kohaku herself.

 

"I'll help you get out of here," she said softly, twisting her fingers in the soft fabric of her kimono. Rin raised her eyes to meet Kohaku's. "I'll help you, but I'm going with you."

 

He took a deep breath. "No, it's too dangerous, you shouldn't..."

 

"Neither should you," she shot back. She folded her arms and looked stubborn. "I know how to get to the stables. Ah and Un will do what I tell them. We'll find your sister faster that way."

 

Kohaku was torn. On the one hand, the young girl was offering him a chance to get to Sango faster than if he went on foot. On the other hand, if she knew what he was really planning, what he was going to have to do when he found Sango, when he found Sesshomaru.

 

His father had been specific; it was none other than Sesshomaru that he needed to protect his sister from, him and no one else. Rin wouldn't understand and she'd hate him. He would deserve it, but when he tried to tell himself no, the tight ache in his chest increased to an unbearable pressure that wouldn't let him think straight.

 

He had to give in. He felt defeat closing in on him. "Okay, Rin."

 

oOo

 

It had been a long afternoon, Kagome decided.

 

The sky was turning gold with sunset and Inuyasha still hadn't returned. She knew that he was dealing with some angry feelings that had nothing to do with Sango. Why couldn't he just let it go? It wasn't that she didn't have the same thoughts herself, but she wasn't about to rub Sango's nose in the fact that they all knew Sesshomaru was a cold hearted bastard. It had nothing to do with that fact at all.

 

After Inuyasha had stormed off in a hanyou fit of temper, Sango had wearily sat down on the ground and covered her face.

 

"This is my fault," she said softly. She pulled her hands away from her face and looked up at Miroku. He smiled faintly in return but she couldn't stop herself from wincing at the livid marks on his neck.

 

"Miroku," Sango said, her voice rough with regret. "I'm so sorry."

 

"It wasn't your fault," Miroku told her gently.

 

Sango just looked at the ground between her toes. The truth was that she felt guilty even if he denied it was her fault. "I still feel responsible," she said simply. "I don't know how to ask that you forgive me."

 

"What is to forgive?" he smiled. Then Miroku's eyes twinkled. "It's hardly the first time a husband has expressed his extreme displeasure with my behavior, Sango. Although I will definitely have to modify my actions when they concern the wife of a certain youkai who has such a well known and predictable bad temper."

 

She almost smiled, but it faded quickly. Kagome moved quickly to embrace her, burying her face in Sango's shoulder. "Sango," she said softly. "Are you really okay? I didn't want to say anything, but when Miroku came back looking like that...I was worried."

 

"I was not," Jano said quietly.

 

Sango looked at him, her face still grave. "I think I'm beginning to understand how you youkai think," she answered. "It's like instinct, but it's more than that."

 

Jano shrugged. "Not knowing how it feels to be human, I'm not sure I can answer that statement objectively. But yes, it is instinct. And yes, it is more than that. Animals are ruled simply by instinct, but youki doesn't leave much room for logic when it makes demands."

 

"I haven't been feeling exactly logical these days," Sango answered. She rubbed her hand over her still flat belly. "But I'm barely two weeks pregnant, Jano. Don't you think it is a little soon to be reacting like this? I wouldn't even know I was pregnant if I hadn't been told."

 

The demon frowned, his arms folded over his chest as he walked around the side to the campfire to stand near where Sango sat. "Hanyou pregnancies are different," he said slowly, not sounding entirely certain. This was not a subject he considered part of his expertise and wished that Makiko were around to confirm the little information he did know.

 

"Depending on the youki of the child, it might develop quicker than a normal human pregnancy. For example, I know that Inuyasha's mother experienced an unusually quick gestation."

 

"How quick?" Sango asked, looking alarmed.

 

"Maybe six months."

 

"What?" Sango got her feet, her face pale with surprise. "Human pregnancies last nine months!"

 

"So the lord Daimyo remarked at the time," Jano answered dryly. "The stronger the child, the quicker he or she will develop."

 

He smiled, a memory flickering in his eyes. "As I recall, the lady Izayoi was every bit as surprised by it as you yourself are. And made some very unflattering comments regarding her child's sire because of the difficulties she endured." He looked thoughtful. "Apparently, the extreme mood swings she experienced during pregnancy were something that she passed on to her son."

 

Kagome grinned to herself, thinking of those words. Mood swings was putting it mildly. In any case, she was getting tired of waiting for Inuyasha to get over his temper tantrum and come back. Nagging him about it wouldn't do much good, pressuring him to talk about it would probably only result in sullen silence. She would just have to wait until he came back and was ready to talk to her about it.

 

Still, she felt restless. Like there was something that she was forgetting, something she needed to do.

 

Jano volunteered to make dinner for them, getting a giggle from Shippou and a slightly dubious look from Sango.

 

"I can so cook," he said, seemingly offended by their doubtful expressions. "I'll have all of you know that I am very much accustomed to cooking for myself when I'm traveling alone."

 

The youkai started going through their supplies, selecting and disregarding different items until he had a tidy pile arranged next to their largest cooking pot. The humans were still giving him wary looks when he finished, making him break into a smile.

 

"I know enough not to poison anyone, so don't look so worried. And don't expect anything fancy, just because it will be edible doesn't mean it's going to be up to Makiko's standards either." He held up a withered looking root and frowned. "In fact, I'll say it definitely won't be up to her standards but it's still better than going hungry."

 

"Shippou," he said, pointing at the kitsune and making him jump. "Go and gather a little more firewood. Just whatever is lying around should do for this." He pulled out a short, lethal looking blade with a grin and started to peel the roots. "And when you're done, I'll need some water as well."

 

"I'll get it," Kagome volunteered. It would be good to do something useful instead of just twiddling her thumbs.

 

She swung the heavy cooking pot from her hand as she went into the forest. She knew that there was a little stream not far from their campsite where she and Sango had tried to wash the bear oni's blood out of the exterminator's hair. The water was clean, but very cold, fed from some underground spring. As close as they were to the mountains, Kagome knew that they'd have been far too lucky to find a hot spring. But it didn't matter right now; as much as she'd love a nice long soak, water for dinner was more of a priority.

 

Kagome knelt beside the clear little spring and quickly filled the pot. Unfortunately, Jano hadn't said how much water he needed and she decided to fill the pot only a little more than half way, as she knew it was heavy as hell when completely full. No reason to give herself sore arms over dinner.

 

She had just turned around to go back to the camp when she caught sight of something glowing from the shadows of the underbrush. She caught her breath as the long snake-like creature drifted closer, coming up to her face before streaking away like a ghost.

 

Soul collectors, she thought, her heart starting to beat faster. Kikyou.

 

"Are you there?" she called out softly. Silence answered her and Kagome bit her lip. Maybe Kikyou wasn't looking for her; it was far more likely she'd come to talk to Inuyasha.

 

Kagome started to move again and the quiet voice stopped her. "I am here," Kikyou said, appearing like mist from the trees.

 

It was always uncomfortable between them. Kagome never knew exactly what to feel about her, the woman that shared her soul. They should have been as sisters, which would have made more sense. Instead tension defined their relationship. Bitterness and envy.

 

Kikyou had made it plain on more than one occasion that she considered Kagome to be nothing more than a cheap copy of herself and Kagome's abilities a pale shadow of her own. And to a certain extent, Kagome herself believed that. She would never be the priestess that Kikyou had been; she would never be able to give her life that selflessly.

 

Kagome liked helping others whenever she could. She believed it to be the right thing to do and felt it her duty in many ways. That was how her mother and grandfather had raised her to be, compassionate and caring. But she was not Kikyou.

 

She was not a martyr.

 

"What do you want?" Kagome asked nervously.

 

Kikyou looked up at the sky, it was slowly darkening. Gold was giving way to rose and rose would purple into evening. Kagome waited, hating the way Kikyou made her feel like the lesser, like in Kikyou's presence she became a shadow of herself. The pale imitation. Pity and resentment mixed inside her when she was with Kikyou. Pity for the tragedy that had taken the priestess' life. Naraku's cruel trickery. Regret for what the priestess must have to endure, in the cold shell of body that was only supported by the stolen souls of others. It was no way to live, Kagome.

 

It wasn't living at all. It was just...existing.

 

"Right," Kagome murmured, feeling heat color her face. Heat that Kikyou couldn't feel. She picked up her water bucket and started to move away, her head ducked down as if she feared the woman's wrath.

 

If Kikyou felt anger, hell if she felt anything, Kagome couldn't be sure, couldn't assume that the priestess had emotions that would mirror her own. Maybe she was only about revenge. Maybe her compassion just didn't extend to reincarnated girls from the future that showed up and stole away with the affection of someone she used to love.

 

"You think you know him."

 

Kagome almost dropped her bucket when Kikyou spoke. She turned so quickly that water sloshed over the edge of the bucket and wet her feet. The priestess was looking over her shoulder, a faint, amused smile played at the corners of her mouth. Kagome felt her face burn again and carefully set down the bucket. Her wrists were starting to hurt anyway and she let her arms hang limply at her sides.

 

She cleared her throat. "What do you mean?"

 

Kikyou just looked back up at the sky as if she found it fascinating. "You think that you've changed him, you think you've changed his heart. Do not delude yourself. The demon inside Inuyasha is still very much alive."

 

Did she always have to talk in riddles? Kagome frowned and felt her hands slowly clench into tight little fists. What was she trying to say? "Kikyou," she said, proud of how her voice came out even and smooth. "I'm sorry that you saw us but..."

 

"That does not concern me," the priestess said coldly. "But it should concern you."

 

Kagome was tired, very tired suddenly and she was far too tired to deal with one of Kikyou's games. "I've got to go," she said at last. "My friends," and she found there was a cruelty of her own in that word, "are waiting for me."

 

She bent to pick up the bucket again and felt Kikyou's words slide over her like ice over glass. "You are a fool."

 

Angry, Kagome looked up, her eyes blazing. "Why?" she demanded. "Because I love him? Because I don't care that Inuyasha is a half demon? I know how you feel about youkai, Kikyou. I don't really blame you. But Inuyasha doesn't have to turn human for me to love him. I want to be with him in any way I can."

 

"You assume much and understand little," Kikyou said, a caustic tone creeping into her normally calm voice. "You assume that I wanted Inuyasha to use the jewel to become human because I could not abide his demon blood."

 

"Isn't that that truth?" Kagome asked.

 

The priestess looked away. "It was not that simple. There was more at stake than just the happiness of two individuals."

 

"Oh yes, your sacred duty," Kagome said, still angry. "You wanted him to use the jewel to put an end to that as well. Didn't you ever think about how it would make him feel? To think that you were rejecting him for being not human?"

 

"I knew."

 

Kagome stared. Was that regret in Kikyou's voice? "You knew? And you let him think that? You let him think that there was something wrong with him when it was you who needed him for your own reasons. That's not the way to treat someone you love!"

 

Kikyou sighed and looked away. "Everything is so simple for you, isn't it? I did love him; I wanted to be his wife. I didn't care about his demon heritage. But if had given in to those desires, I would have lost my ability to protect the lives of those who depended upon me. That's why I'm warning you, Kagome."

 

"Warning me?" Kagome was startled. She hadn't known what to expect. Angry accusations perhaps, but not a warning. She couldn't help it; she'd been traveling between her two worlds too long for her to completely accept what Kikyou was telling her. "What are you trying to warn me about? Is it Inuyasha? You won't make me distrust him. Nothing you can say will ever make me turn against him."

 

The priestess turned away. "No. This is not about Inuyasha. This is about you and the choice you have made. I chose not to marry Inuyasha even though I loved him because as a priestess, a shrine maiden, one must remain pure."

 

Kagome blushed. She was no priestess; she had taken no sacred vows. If anything, her spiritual abilities had been forced to the surface by circumstance. The life of a shrine maiden was not something she would have chosen if she hadn't been dragged down a well and made to discover her own spiritual gifts. She might have lived her entire life in ignorance, never been the wiser of having been born the reincarnation of a powerful priestess or carrying a mystical jewel in her body.

 

"So I'm not good enough," she said, feeling the sting of what Kikyou was implying. "That's fine by me, I don't care what your traditions are. If loving someone makes me impure, unworthy to be a priestess in your eyes, I really don't care!"

 

"Foolish girl, you only think with your heart." Kikyou had turned away and started to withdraw into the forest, her soul collectors following her like long radiant streamers. "A priestess' spiritual strength is tied to her purity, both the purity of her heart and the purity of her body. In becoming Inuyasha's wife, I would have left the jewel open to those who would misuse it. I would have been unable to protect it and you have seen what happens when it is used for evil purposes. I chose to put aside my own desires for the greater good."

 

Kikyou paused, her face hidden in the long shadows as the sun sank behind the horizon. Kagome stood quite still, letting the implications of Kikyou's warning wash over her in a tide of dark realization. She hadn't considered it before; she'd been consumed by her love for him. It had never occured to her that there might have been a very good reason besides selfishness in Kikyou's actions. It wasn't that she wanted to escape her duty, more that she had no other choice left open to her once she'd fallen in love.

 

"I see you understand," Kikyou said, watching the girl's face as she absorbed the information. "Had I married Inuyasha, I would have been unable to protect the jewel. I would have become as any other ordinary woman. I would have lost my spiritual abilities."

 

Kikyou raised her eyes to meet Kagome's. Again, lit by the light of the dying sun, they looked alike. Sisters. Sides of the same coin. One side stamped in hard metal, unyielding. The other soft and weaker than the first, but no less beautiful. And Kikyou's quiet voice continued to echo in Kagome's mind even as the priestess completely disappeared into the darkened forest.

 

I would have become as any other ordinary woman. I would have lost my spiritual abilities.

 

As you have now lost yours.