InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ These eyes ❯ These eyes Part 2 ( Chapter 2 )

Dearest love,

When you look at me, it feels like you are gazing into the very depth of my soul.

I feel as though you can pierce my heart and ravage all the emotions that lie buried
underneath this body. I am so afraid; so afraid that I will lose you. Worse yet, that
you will find out my secret. How much I truly love you, how desperately I desire
you, how I long to make you mine. But those are simply the wilful dreams of a
woman that will never come true. I know you are not mine. You are far above me.
Sometimes I feel as though it is a blasphemy for me to even wish that you were
mine. All these words, these silent screams.. they all linger in my heart; never giving
me a moment's peace.
I did something today that you didn't approve of. I'm sorry my lord, my love, my
Sesshomoru I didn't meant to. I just couldn't help myself. Just like I can't help but
call you my love and say your name. But this is the only place where I can safely
do that. Sometimes I wish I didn't have so much pride. You have always told me
that humans are weak and pathetic; they are only ruled by emotions. Not I. Can you
not see how different I am? Look how well I have been. If I was ruled by emotions
then I would throw myself at your feet and beg for your mercy. Kiss those regal
claws and lick your feet in submission like a good bitch would. I would lap at your
legs and rub myself against you and scream, “Take me. I am all yours. I am spread
open and aching..just for you.” I know that you didn't approve of the way that I
hurt myself today. I could see the disappointment and detachment in your eyes.
Of course, Master Jaken as usual simply said that you are too great a lord to be
bothered by the failings of a simpering human female that is useless and stupid
in nature. But I know better.

I don't even know why I did it. I don't know why I cut myself. This is the first
time that I have done something so self destructive, stupid, human like; it's
almost as if I am crying, dying to let out my pain and show the world how much
I love you. So stupid, so weak, undeserving of love and attention but god it felt
good. The release, the stress and the frustration all seemed to be wiped clean
at the first flow of the blood. The tiny droplets that started flowing down my
hands, soiling my kimono. It felt so good to watch the red, salty droplets travel
down my delicate arms. So fragile and so mortal. The adrenaline rush and the
loss of blood made me light headed. But after a long time, I have finally found
a release. If I can't have you, then I will take what I can get and where I can get it.
I pine for you my love,
Rescue me…