InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ This Can't Be Good ❯ Methods ( Chapter 37 )

KURAMA: You are the one who took those pictures of me!

CRYSTALS: Um!

KURAMA: And you sold the negatives on eBay!

I got a good deal, too.

KURAMA: Hold your tongue!

CRYSTALS: You mean you didn't get your cut?

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"I don't see anyone."

"I left him right here!"

"Hojo!" Sango gasped. "Oh no!"

Kirara let out a mournful mewl.

"Sesshoumaru must have come while I was seeking you," said the monk as he carefully approached the sprawled boy.

Kouga took in a deep sniff, catching sense of the Dog Lord everywhere. The wolf demon cleared the distance in one spring and nudged Hojo's still form with one foot. His clawed hand formed a fist. "Such a tragedy..." he graveled out, "...that the Dog Lord should slay this innocent, foolish creature." His eyes opened. "Ah well. Shall I call some of my wolves while he's still fresh?"

"He isn't dead, Kouga," Sango said dryly.

"Are you sure?" he asked. The human didn't reek of death - yet - but there was no way for her to know that. "It would be a shame to waste a perfectly good-"

Hojo let out a moan. "...license plate..."

Dammit. So much for getting rid of him THAT way...

"Wake up, Hojo," Sango shook the boy's shoulder.

Miroku shook his head, "It looks as though Sesshoumaru let him off with just a severe beating."

Kouga grumbled something at the edges of human hearing.

Hojo sat upright with a quiet groan, "Miss Sango," he asked blearily. "Did the squeegee have your cat?"

"Huh?" she answered.

"Hm..." Miroku mused. "Spouting nonsense." The wolf demon heard the monk mumble, "more than usual," continuing. "He must have hit his head."

"Ah," Kouga answered, putting one hand on his sword hilt. "A slow and painful demise. I would be honored to take the boy's life and spare him the agony."

"He's going to be fine, Kouga," Sango answered through her teeth.

"Are you sure? I really wouldn't mind!"

"Sango is right," Miroku answered. "Hojo can be cured with far less drastic measures."

A tiny hint of a smile touched the human woman's face as Miroku took Hojo's chin in one hand and held the boy's head steady. "Thank you, Houshi-sama," she said simply, "At least someone around here knows how to show some-"

The monk drew back his hand.

SLAP!!

"Houshi-sama!!"

"I am only trying to bring the boy to his senses, Sango!"

"An excellent idea," said Kouga. "Let me try."

Sango's eyes narrowed as she reached out with her good arm and picked up a sturdy stick of wood.

"I swear to you, Sango," the monk was explaining, "my master, Mushin, always told me that a good blow to the head-"

THWACK!

"Ow!"

THUNK!

"OW!"

BONK!

"Ow! Miss Sango, what was that for?" asked Hojo, rubbing his scalp with one hand.

The taijiya blinked. "You mean he was telling the truth?"

"Hey! What's going on?"

Kouga looked up to see the kitsune brat blink wide-eyed from his perch on Kagome's shoulder, with dog turd right beside. The wolf prince held back a growl as he followed their three pairs of eyes to the two idiots on the ground, to the stick in her hand, to the bead-studded handprint on Hojo's face.

"What happened here?" asked Shippo.

Sango looked around, "Well-"

"Never mind," growled the dog demon. "We'd have been back on the road an hour ago if not for my stupid brother. Let's just gather up our stuff from lunch and go."

Kagome shot the dog demon a look - Kouga smirked - and then reached out to help the monk to his feet, "I don't think you have to explain either, Sango. There must be something in the air today. I don't know what it might-" Kagome's voice seized up, face going rigid. "Don't you dare!" she hissed at the monk.

"My lady Kagome," the monk protested in and innocent voice. "What is it that I should not dare to do?"

Kouga's mind went still as he figured it out, catching sight of the monk's left hand just a very short ways away from where it definitely shouldn't have been.

"Hey..."

"Hey!"

"HEY!!"

"Pervert," muttered Sango.

Shippo's high laughter interrupted Hojo, Kouga and Inuyasha. "Oooooh, hahaha! Miroku, you're not going to get away with anything!" The wolf prince growled. Dog breath's bad habits were more contagious than he'd feared if Hojo was copying him now too.

"Like that's going to stop him from trying," muttered Sango.

"I have always considered my indomitable spirit to be an asset to this group," Miroku managed to sound dignified despite the new red handprint that matched the bump on his head.

"Save it!" hissed the exterminator. The monk saved it.

Kouga shook his head. After he'd dealt with dog breath, then maybe he should see about getting Kagome to spend less time with this harpy. Kagome's assertive spirit was one of the things he adored about her, but there was such a thing as being too direct, he realized as he rubbed the bump on his head. "I swear, monk, that vixen hits harder than my Kagome, even with a wounded arm. Do all human men have to put up with this abuse?"

Miroku shook his head and began to answer, "No, actually-"

He froze, and Kouga looked up catching sight of the glare on Sango's face.

The human amended his reply, "I mean yes, they-"

The exterminator's eyes narrowed.

Miroku turned to the wolf prince with a serene expression. "What abuse?"

Sango gave nod that the monk took to mean that the monk's answer was good enough and walked off after dog breath and Kagome.

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Shippo might have been little, but he wasn't stupid. Kouga looked way too happy.

From Kagome's basket, he had a perfect view: Inuyasha would look at Kagome, then away. Then he looked back again. Kagome kept her eyes on the road in front of her as her feet moved up and down like little gears on the pedals of her pink machine.

Even the fox cub had to admit that Inuyasha's explanation hadn't been that bad. Shippo's tail bristled slightly as he hooked his little hands on the rim of the basket and leaned over for a careful look at the wolf prince. He hated to admit it, but Inuyasha was exactly right. After getting put down that badly, Kouga was bound to do something stupid any minute.

And if that "something" meant that Kouga would try to take Kagome away, and Inuyasha was ready to stop him, then Shippo would bite his tongue and hold in even the tiniest joke at the dog demon's expense. ...for least the rest of the day.

But ... Kagome'd said she wouldn't go. Could Sesshoumaru have made Kouga mad enough for him to forget that she wouldn't want to get kidnapped again?

Shippo gave the wolf prince another look. For a guy who'd just gotten his tail kicked black and blue, the he was just way too smug.

This morning, Kouga had complained about how slow humans traveled, the "putrid stink of dog demon," and Hojo, but ever since they'd gotten back on the road, Kouga had been oddly cheerful, talking reasonably with Miroku and Hojo and smirking quietly at Inuyasha, who was pretending quiet valiantly that he hadn't noticed.

"Hi, Inuyasha!" Shippo twisted completely around to find Hojo bouncing up toward the dog demon. "I was just talking to Kouga over there. He's not so bad at all, is he? You two should really try to get along better."

Kagome rolled her eyes. "There's not much chance of that, Hojo," she said. Then her voice dropped and Shippo heard her mutter something with, "testosterone poisoning," in it.

Shippo turned around again in time to see the wolf prince smirk.

Huh?

Kagome started to speed up to catch up with Sango. Shippo looked from Inuyasha to Kouga and very quickly decided that he didn't want to miss this one. "See you later, Kagome!" he waved, and jumped out of the basket to make - if he did say so himself - a perfect landing on Inuyasha's head.

"Get off, brat!"

"No! I wanna hear!"

"Get-"

Kouga drew nearer as Hojo trotted off to catch up with Kagome.

"This is just the beginning, dog breath," muttered the wolf as Inuyasha knocked Shippo away.

"Hell," Inuyasha answered in kind. "If you want Hojo instead of Kagome, go right ahead."

"Wha-what?!" Kouga backpedaled. "No! I'm going to show my woman what a loser you are and then take her home with me!"

"No you're not!" shouted Shippo.

The dog demon gave a snort, "If making nice with Braindead over there is step one, then it'll take a million years to get near me, wolf turd."

Kouga's voice turned dark, "Kagome is mine, and I will dispose of rivals!" announced Kouga. "I'll start with that human runt who, apparently, not even the son of the great Inutaisho can drive off!!"

"You stinking wolf!" Inuyasha seethed. "One, I only let him live because Kagome made me promise-"

Shippo blinked. "Is that why?"

"-and two, you swore on your tribe-"

"I only swore that I wouldn't kill him, dog breath," the wolf demon chuckled darkly as he walked off into the twilight. "Stop me if you can."

"I will!" Inuyasha growled, and turned away. Shippo watched as Inuyasha fingered the beads at his throat, muttering something that sounded like "ten ways no sips," whatever that meant. Inuyasha smacked one hand over his eyes. "This is not happening."

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CRYSTALS: Eeep!

No rose-whipping the guests!

KURAMA: I neither gave permission nor accepted payment for those pictures you took of me. Stand and fight, demon photographer!

CRYSTALS: But your agent said everything was cool!

KURAMA: My agent?!

CRYSTALS: I set it up with some guy named "Kuwabara." You know, the notary public?

KURAMA: . . !